God's Second Chance...

I MIA-ED AGAIN! haha.

Anyway, now I'm back in NIE. Spent a term in PPS before returning to NIE. My experience in XXX was pretty interesting. I miss the people there. Alot. But whatever the case, I believe God is not done with me here in NIE. Thus, I'm back again.

To be really honest, it's a very tired and stressful journey so far. Really need constant reminders about God's love and strength. Some days, I really feel like, can all these come to an end? Like what one of the Ps I know before said, it's a giving job, so you need rest. But, there was no rest given at all. I was really chionging all the way. After 10 weeks of teaching, straight back to NIE for another 13 weeks. Sometimes, really just feel like giving up. Or perhaps, if life has a pause button, that would be good. But, too bad lah. No have. Haha. God bless me.

Yet, ultimately, I really want to know and find out what God has in stored for me. NIE group, where will it be heading towards, how? Everyday is a new experience. Totally lacking of sleep and rest, but still want to come and serve and experience more of God.

Alright, shall finish up my coffee and head for the practice room. =)

Interesting

I know, I know, I went MIA!!! Haha. But, a short update.

It's interesting to hear another person calling me Jobina in school. But, I like it. Jobina, my baptism name, derived from the word, Job. Job, a book from the bible, telling the story of a man called Job. Job, one who is upright even under persecution, patient under trial.

Jobina, a reminder for me. =)

WOW! Week 5 is GONE!!!

Alright, people! Week 5 is gone and I am entering Week 6!!!

A lot of mixed feelings. But, one very strong feeling I'm having now is anxiousness. But, let's share a testimony. On Tuesday, I had my observation by my Sup. Well, the previous night, I was so tired and was doing some reflection that I fell asleep. The time I slept was 8.30pm. I wanted to wake up at 9pm. But, the next time I woke up was 5.30am. Imagine the shock I was in. I cried, I was angry. I was thinking why my parents didn't call me up and all. So from the time I was awake, I quickly completed my stuff, praying to God to help me through.

In school, I called my shepherd cause I was feeling superly stressed liao. She tried to calm me down. After that, I tried to prepare my heart and pray to God. I quickly sms-ed my parents to apologise to them. I tell you, I really regret my behaviour. I repented and prayed to God regarding it. I tell you, I was so ashamed of myself. But, God was faithful. God helped me through my ob and I have to say, I did better than I've expected.

After the whole day, went for my check up. Thank God, everything is now under controlled. Honestly, God blessed me twice in a day. I was so amazed by His Grace. Praise God. Thank God! Really, like the song, "My chains are gone, I've been set free". God breaks my chains and sets me free. What more could I ask for?

Anyway, back to the anxious feeling. Anxious because of practicum, because of crossover and many things. Really really wish to crossover to win people for God. But, still, by God's will, grace, mercy and way. I really don't know the plans for me regarding crossover, as anxious as I may be, I still want to do it His way for His ways are greater than mine. Well, honestly, I think the 2 verses shared during CG and service today suit me very well now.

First up, Jeremiah 29:11,

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I shared with my new CG, (by the way, PTL FOR NIE CG!!! I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT IT!!! But, I don't want to let this joy die away! Many feelings, joy, anxiousness, worry, excitment...let's talk about NIE cg another time) how this verse had pulled me through my first practicum. And honestly, I hope it will pull me through with my 2nd practicum. This verse, could mean, that I will move on to crossover or move on, depending on which is deemed best by God. Which, still makes me anxious and so, the next verse came in.

John 14:27,

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

God is peace. God provides peace. If He is with me, who shall go against me? If it is in His plans, what could stop it? Why should I worry so much when God will help me through, when he will set my path straight. What's the point of worrying? To worry, means I do not have enough faith in God to trust and believe in what He has for me. This verse, was shared to me by my shepherd before the start of my 2nd practicum. Perhaps, I should write it down and stick it to my table as a reminder to me.

I want to put my anxiousness into His hands and trust in what He has for me. =)

It's the HOLIDAYS! But, I'm Not Missing!!! Here's a TESTIMONY!!! =)

Hello people! It's the March Holiday! Term break! Hope everyone's holiday is fine! I had a rather busy holiday HONESTLY. Haha. Was busy with band. =)

YES! I'M BACK IN BAND. After discussing with my shepherd, I've decided to help them out with the concert which took place on Friday (19 March). Alright, before the concert, we were practising very hard till I felt pretty sore in the hands. And, well well...I actually didn't play well for my most important part. Was a little depressed after that, BUT! I know that God is still in control of everything. =)

ANYWAY! That's not my testimony. Okie...here's goes. I think God has opened some doors for me in the band. =) Exciting! Haha. Well, was very glad to be able to lead a prayer for the band before the concert. Honestly, I didn't expect and see this coming. But, when it did, I didn't give up on the chance. I grabbed it. I know my prayer was rather long, but, it was still my deepest most, heartfelt prayer which I really meant. And, thank God for fulfilling it! I believe the audience enjoyed our show and everyone had fun performing. I know and believe God was working through us that evening. Mistakes were definitely covered up by/with God's grace. PTL! =)

That night, after I got home. I started to wonder if God is opening doors for me to return to band to serve or is it my own thought. I'm not too sure even till now. But, I was very encouraged when God showed me this verse, Jeremiah 15:20

I will make you a wall to this people,
a fortified wall of bronze;
they will fight against you
but will not overcome you,
for I am with you
to rescue and save you,"
declares the LORD.

This was a verse God showed and reminded me almost a year ago when I questioned about wanting to return to the band to help out. But, at that time, I really don't know what it means. I only know and believe that God will be there to help me and protect me. But today, I am convicted that God WILL be there to help me and protect me as promised through the words of Jeremiah 15:20.

I'm feeling so much joy and excitement regarding this regarding this area. But still, I want God's will to be done and not mine. If if this thought is not given by God but by me, I want to stop it, and not continue with it. But still, I want to do something related to it to see what kind of doors are open.

People, pray for me regarding this area alright. I'm really hoping that God is finally answering my prayers after so long!!! =)

Today, I Could Not Really Smile

Well, today, really felt very challenged. Felt alot of hurt and stress. Finally...couldn't take it anymore. Broke down.

Honestly speaking, recently, I feel demoralised easily. I don't know why. Perhaps, recently, wasn't really affirmed much. Or, due to work, havent really give myself a good break. Or...there's so many reasons.

I feel so tired. I feel so stretch. I just feel like giving up. I feel like running away. I feel like putting a stop to everything. I feel so... =(

Today, I ask God. Why? God showed me an image of me standing on thin ice. What does it mean? I'm falling apart? I'm going to not be able to make it? I don't know. Alright, this mail is getting a bit demoralising.

But, I don't want to let these feelings overtake me. But, I'm really feeling hurt and stressed. How? God, I need your strength. =(

Insecurities

Hello people! Let's just have a short update alright? Want to sleep early tonight. So, here goes!

Recently, actually, these 2 days, I experienced alot of joy. And I really meant alot. Despite alot of things happening, I was still at peace and was joyful. For example, yesterday. In the morning, I was quite late. Then, I realised I did not print my lesson plan, so I went to print. Then, I realised I forgot to print the song sheet. After that, was preparing to leave. Noticed that the timing was late already. The time I was about to leave was the time I usually reach school. So, rushed out. Then! I realised I forgot to bring my handphone. So, up again to get and rushed to school. Reached school, felt super underprepared for my 2nd lesson observation. Took some time to practice and all. Then, went for LO and the whole day was like in a mad rush. But, thank God! Because of His grace, I was still hopeful and felt great. In fact, I was singing out loud! While in the lift, while walking...I was like, "All your promises won't let go of me!" I kept repeating that. And truly, by God's grace, my LO was better than I expected. But still, have to guard my heart. I don't want to get proud of the results or feel sad about anything. But, I want to remember that these things are given by God, from God.

Yet, today, I realised how insecurities can drive someone to be jealous and all. And actually, this person is me myself. Haha. Amazing. Alright, I'm not jealous or insane. But, when I start to feel that way (my insecurities over taking me), I have to keep reminding myself not too and pray to God to take these negative thoughts away. I guess, sometimes when you have some achivement already, you want more. Or, you want to be better than others. You don't want to lose out. I think, sometimes, my old self just resurface. The self who wants to be better than anyone else, the self who cannot lose others. Terrible! But, God is merciful. He keeps reminding me Phil 2:3-4,

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Well, I guess, sometimes, I have to learn to put down some or even all of my pride to come to learn from others. Sometimes it's very hard, especially if you already think that you are better than the other person. But, by God's grace, I want to overcome. I want to overcome my insecurities, my pride. I want to have a humbled heart, that is yearning for God, that is wanting God all the time and worry about the things of the world.

Insecurities...scary.

Week 2!

God is GREAT! AMEN! =)

Haha. Well well, week 2 is not too bad. But, I still have to say this, really by the grace of God. I guess, God has been really kind to me. He's always watching out for me and protecting me. I wasn't feeling too well for the last week. For some reason. Haha. But, somehow when I need to be better, I was. Amazing right? As I said, by God's grace.

Had my first observation. And PTL! Thank God for helping me through and I did not too badly. Honestly, I enjoyed doing that lesson. It was pretty fun. =)

Well, something to share. I was reflecting about myself. Between my first practicum and the current one. I guess, Daddy has really helped me grow a lot regarding this area. I'm now looking at it with a more positive way as compared to before. I guess, my focus this time was not fixed on crossover. But, how can I help my kids learn? I think, this has really helped me alot. Yes, I'm still anxious about crossover. But, between crossover and my kids learning, I'm more anxious about the latter. I'm always telling myself, even if I could crossover but my kids don't learn, I'm still not good enough. But still, I do believe that God will open the path, lead the way that is most right for me. I believe in Jeremiah 29:11,

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Honestly, I'm very excited in wanting to know where God will lead me to at the end of my journey in this place. Where will I go next to do His works? I'm not too sure. But, I want to go on with a joyful heart. Because of the Holy Spirit, I can be joyful. As it says in Romans 15:13

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Joyful joyful. Enjoy the song! =)