too many things happened this year.

I've learnt alot. Learnt about almost everything that I need to know.
there's probably just something left that I must learn to overcome.

I thank all who have helped me in one way or another. thank those who stood by me throughout.

to my dearest friends, hope that our friendship will last. I want to keep all of you in my memory forever. It is the existing trust and love that made all of us come this far. Please don't let it go as well..

2006 is probably a year I wouldn't really want to remember.

looking forward to the new year =)

Band festival is finally over! Did I have fun? yes I did. I think atarashi is a very very good conductor. he's expectations are so high that I think sg bands are not able to reach. haha. okay! so now about my section. My section is quite ok, apart of the fact that there's 2 irritating fellows. I'm glad that I do not have to see them EVER AGAIN. =)

And.. Jo and I got bullied again. thanks to Benjamin's Disease. haha. irritating la. I see all the camera flashes until my eyes are like super tired and blurred. >.< now I see someone hold a camera, I will siam away. haha. =)

this year is ending soon. after clearing and settling stuff, I hope that next year will be a better year.. better year for me..

Went out with a long lost friend. This time I am meeting this friend literally as a friend. I couldn't quite remember when was the last time we met. 2 years ago? I am glad that we once crossed each other path =) you will still be one of my favourite person and someone whom I remember everyday..

today is the 16th. 9 more days to xmas and 1 more month to my bdae. Why is it that I feel so emotionless? Maybe because bdae to me is more of thanking my mum for bringing me to this world..

for the past few weeks, things have been rather stagnant. I dont know how and dont know why. Someone pls guide me.

I went to the zoo finally =)
please do not say that I am crazy and childish. You will find your childhood back there somehow. Though it was my only off day, I am glad I went to the zoo. and of course I am thankful to the person who went with me. Please stay by me.. don't ask me the why coz I don't know the reason as well.

I probably want to thank njcsb once again as well. special thanks to my section, jh and ode. you guys made my band life interesting! =) really couldn't imagine how life will be without band.

work is starting again. I seem to be rather packed this holiday but I am glad I played a lot. I may regret later for not spending time studying this holiday but for now, I am certainly doing things that I am enjoying and that I would not have any regrets. Shall take a step at a time and see how things go.

just talked to a friend that I have known for very 4 years. felt really good chatting after neglecting each other's existence for so long. haha. makes me think about how time flew passed so quickly. I miss my past. sometimes I really hope that time can reverse itself. back to the safe and sheltered environment. back to the simple but yet enriching life.

I miss everything so much. Maybe I should try finding back certain things that I have lost. I don't want to lead a desultory life anymore. I will try. though the future seemed to be uncertain and blurred. ha. what am I thinking of.

=)

it was grad night yesterday. went raffles city early morning. it so happened to be stand char marathon as well. I got totally lost again.. somehow I can never understand myself. oh well.

grad night was great! although there were hipcups but generally things went on smoothly. swissotel is a nice place. went marina sq at night to play pool and I am super duper lousy. haha. the guys are like all super pro. >.<

it was a awesome day. I am thankful to njcsb for what they have given me..

it's tired working. it really is. got to know quite a lot of things. like how some people can earn so much money in a month and spend as they wish while some others are working like slaves and yet the amount that they earn is so patheric. So maybe what I want to say is I want to earn lotsa money next time. well not exactly alot but enough for me not to worry about my living.

Mm. been busy this whole holiday. Somehow I just want to keep myself busy and be with people. I dont want to be alone. bleh. maybe making myself super busy will keep me entertained. Tiring but fulfilling. Been having too many commitments here and somehow I am drowned. Drowned in this world of thoughts.

why izzit that I still feel like breaking down every night. =(

I am tired! havent been updating coz I was too lazy.
Ok! Today has been a fun-filled day. Every Sunday evening I will get super DUper high. Went to singapore art museum coz HSBC organized this "Sign and Tell" session where they will sign a story and plan events for little kids. It was very imteresting and I think we enjoyed ourselves lots. We then went to SMU to cut a cake! It tasted good even though there wasn't any egg in it. had a super enjoyable lesson and guess WHAT. I got 97 for my test! haha. and I know where my 3 marks got deducted. lol. mmm. falling in love with signing. I am having the tendency to sign to ppl now when I wanna tell them something, only to realize that they do not know sign language. >.<

here comes the second part of the day. went BUGIS to find my shopping gang ck and et. haha. it was super fun! we shopped and ate. and I found one shirt that I really like and so I bought it! haha. =) shopping RAWKS!

Mm. havent been sleeping well recently. something is still in my mind. I can't stand it anymore.. coz I am tired..

Who will help me unwind?
I think there's only one person who can unwind it..

jian dan de sheng huo ye shi kuai le de ba. bu shi ma?

what shall I say?

though I find certain things kinda weird, I enjoyed myself this week lots thanks to Darren. Mm.. Thank You! =)

to my dearest dear dear Quiny. Will try to contact you soon. I am worried for you.. hope that things are going on fine for you!

to hei dao, wen qi, cl.. WHEN U ALL FREEE? i wanna go out.. haha..

to 204 peeps: 17th still on hur. will find you guys once my thing finishes! havent meet you guys since March?

to my beloved yumin! seems like we can't fix a date! it's been a year. OH MY. haha. pls go and bang the walls. I still wanna eat ice cream with you. smiles.

Life is tiring. but i will keep moving. (:

went back to ny on thurs and the first thing that mrs chitra said was:" yingxu! what has nj done to you? you're so thin!" haha. funny. why is it that everyone comments that I have grown thinner? so my reply to her was:"haha not really, it's because my uniform is too BIG, that's why I look thin." >.< saw one of my junior and she was like :"YINGXU! you've become prettier." HAHA. I laughed. I thought that I looked the same. maybe ny uniform really does make one look short and fat and ugly. Mm. realized how one year has passed and how people would change once they step out of their alma mater. Mdm Mak is leaving ny for Hong Kong? I think so. somehow the things that I see are no longer the same ever again.

beginning to fall in love with ice-cream recently. don't ask me why-it makes me happy! went out with a group of friends to island creamery on wed and spent 2 hours chatting and stoning. the pouring rain made us shiver but the feeling was great! =) I am beginning to understand s10 i guess. the bbq turned out well and I enjoyed myself lots. played pool after that and realized doing something simple with friends can really be very rewarding! special thanks to a few ppl who made my life this year fruitful.. thanks for helping me pull through my darkest moments in life and supporting me all the while! love you guys lots.

Ok. today is sunday. I finally went to sadeaf again. somehow I dread sunday morning coz the thought of going all the way to kallang really made me sian diao but everytime after the sign lesson I feel refreshed ! maybe it is because it is something out of the ordinary routine and meeting people and sharing stories made me really comfortable. especially when we all couldn't quite figure out how to sign. haha! i wanna pass the test! Mm.. today lollipops saved the day! all of us ate lollipop and couldnt make noise and shalini was grinning away. >.<

this holiday. I dont really feel like doing anything else. just wanna meet my old friends and cherish whatever that I have got! looking forward to going zoo with my dear quiny zj and audrey. looking forward to taking cable car! =)

thought of this sentence today:
"you need not be pretty. you need not go after designer's goods. it's the confidence you wear that differentiates you."

regaining my confidence! =)

hao tao yan zi ji..

zhen de hao tao yan zi ji...

Sometimes I wonder why different people exist in this world. While some of them are naive, other are unscrupulous. Today at jp, this little boy couldnt find his mother and tried calling her but the mother didn't want to tell HER son where she is. This hapless boy waited at the info counter for super long, looking so lost. What a lousy mother! the boy may have done something mischievous but that's definitely not the way to teach a child! Somehow I wish I can have the power to eliminate such lousy creatures on Earth..

Mmm.. been going home at weird timings lately and met different people who stay in my block.. It's weird talking to them coz I've never seen them before.. haha.. someone even asked my how long have I stayed here? funny. No idea if there will be more interesting characters coming up. Been talking to many ppl tt I don't really know. Be it online or in real life, my life is expanding all of a sudden, after being isolated for this hectic academic year. Maybe I should spend some time seeing what outside life is about. hah.

I don't ask for much anymore.. just pray for peace in the mind (:

Have I changed?

Why is it that I realize the way that I talk, the way I do things and the way that I handle myself is totally different. why? feels weird. coz the other self is not apparent.

Went MINDS and attended a volunteer session. I was trying hard to make myself awake. my life is so packed now. haha.. packed with things that I don't even know what they are.. went NIE just now.. had practice.. 10 trombones.. and I think we screwed it, or rather I screwed it. NIE reminds me of the june practices where we were busy preparing for concert.. i love the ppl in njcsb. not all but their presence really did make my life more fulfilling.. thanks guys.

got back results today. emotionless. but did ok. I am tired. yawns. but I don't feel like sleeping.. don't feel like wasting the night away..

shalini is a great instructor. was very tired today and was lazy to go down to sadeaf. dragged myself out of bed and attended the lesson. haha. very interesting! there's gonna be this halloween party on the 28th oct 5.30pm to 9pm at sadeaf! anyone interested to go tell me k? it's free and you'll get to experience deaf culture. i hope my signing is improving but i am still scared that i will fail the test. haha.

Mm. beginning to know more about jp. there's 3 mobile phone shops, namely starhub M1 and singtel. starhub on level 2, singtel directly above starhub and M1 at #03-15. haha. there's POSB atm at the entrance of NTUC and OCBC/UOB atm is near coffee bean. If you wanna buy games, there's a shop at level 3. Food courts are at level 3 and basement 1. There's also the money changer and the OSIM shop at basement 1. haha. i think it's amazing. will try to learn more about jp. =)

i dont want school to start tmrr..

went to this place near lavender alone. i took me one hour just to find that road. 46 Somme Road. gosh. even the people living there don't even know that the road existed. I got directed from one place to another.. Resisted taking cab coz I wanna find that place by foot. haha. o well I finally found it =) it's really tiring walking. plus the fact that I even went to the wrong side of the road to take bus. what am I doing?

I couldn't shake something off my mind. i hate it.. really hate it..

RAH! LET ME SCREAM.

the haze is really making me mad. I have been sneezing for the whole day and it's getting worse I think. haha. outside my window is so hazy! can't stand it. met an old friend. smiles.

A segment of my life has ended. Before embarking on a new path in life, i think I need to take a break. A break to let me rest and move on to the next stage.

Recounting back this year has been full of ups and downs. I haven't quite recovered from the recent setback. The mist in my life doesn't seem to go away. Stiill blinded and oblivious to the things around me and I seem to be dwelling on the past. I don't deny I have learnt. Learnt many things in life. Maybe that's something good. O well. All these doesn't matter anymore. Slowly figuring out how to move..

Went out with mp, wenqi and cheng today! haha. as usual the four of us. It was fun! we started off eating subway. then we went gelare and ate waffle with ice cream. walked n shopped and walked the whole of orchard. Realized that orchard is a lousy place. I think the old orchard is so much better. Nothing really interests me in town now. After that we went cine and bought ear rings! very nice and very cheap. haha. Went to sadeaf today to collect some stuff. Found new bus routes to sadeaf. lesson staring this sunday. EXCITED! hope i can pass BS1. haha. sign language! Mmm. yupp so we went bugis after that and ate mango strudel and before we left we ate tori Q. Wow. we've got big appetite! but the thing is I don't feel full. I am glad my diet is back. yay!

o ya. we went to this building and walked around. not a very nice place to shop but I found this shop very interesting. Frosty. Sells accessories and the ear rings attracted my attention. There's this pair that has the resemblance of a dream catcher in a ring. The threads used are very vibrant and I think it's really nice! It will definitely sell in the market soon. I am quite sure. The accessories are not very expensive as well so maybe I will go back there to buy.

Ok. I am tired.

wo zhang da le =)

sigh.
I am feeling dejected all of a sudden.
why the mood swing?
i don't know.

6 more days to last paper. how will things change? I feel so lost. lost in everything. will anyone guide me along as to where I am supposed to go and what I am supposed to do? Mmm. nv felt so empty before. Messed up. >.<

IDD rawks =)
enjoyed myself lots.
thank you sadeaf.

The cruelty of life..

Yesterday I went with my dad to the polyclinic and this old lady sat beside me. She is a kind lady, smiling at me and started talking to me. I was horrified and disgusted when I heard about her story. She told me she was very sleepy and so I told her to go back to sleep but she said she couldn't go back home. At home, there's her daughter-in-law with her 6 year old kid. the daughter in law didn't seem to be friendly. She would find trouble for the old lady and scold her. Oh my.

Later, she recounted her daily life to me: she would leave her house at 10am and wonder around in the streets until 7pm or so- just because she couldn't go home! She told me that the daughter-in-law is an evil person and is greedy. That I couldn't testify but one thing for sure, that daughter-in-law is inhumane! How can she leave a old lady out without showing any care for her?

What struck me most was that this old lady actually had a big plastic bag with her. And guess what's inside? Water, umbrella, towel, jacket, tissue.. Why? Is this the cruelty of life? This kind lady told me she does have quite a large sum of money in her bank but she's worried that the daughter-in-law will steal everything from her/ her son once she dies.

The thing is her son couldn't care much about her?! While it is true that one should love his or her life-time partner with unconditonal love, one should NEVER EVER forget his or her parents. I could see tears swelling in her eyes. USELESS SON. have he forgotten how his mother brought him up? how his mother cared and nurtured him? Do you know that when the lady told me about how her son wanted to learn piano when he was young, the lady was actually smiling? smiling from her heart?

Too many things can be explained. people are blinded by greed.. god bless this old lady and may the couple reflect on their wrong doings.. if not I am sure they will suffer the same fate next time..

To my dearest Quiny. Don't be sad! what's gone is gone. Be glad coz you've had it once. your life wouldn't stop just there. I believe you can do it. like how I am doing it. . take care alright? anything just call me. I will find you soon? love you lots girl. *hugs*

yay. i have finished compiling pw! haha! took me. 2 hours to do my part and to compile. =) ok.
I am hungry now. had a super duper nice supper. TRIX with HL milk. damn nice. =) but still. i am hungry. Now it's one plus. going 2am in a while. maybe I will go dig for food soon.

mmm. For some unknown reason, I think I am understanding things. not all but some. nvm la. shan't think about it anymore.

o ya. exams coming. I am still halfway through. hur hur. econs n chem ok. now must go chiong maths. i think i will fail physics again. If i really do then i wont be staying in o6s10 anymore i think. RAH. nvm. don't want to think about it either! maybe, escaping from reality can be good..

Tmr got meeting at SaDeaf. bet it will drag till 9 plus. how am i gonna go home. going home alone again. haha. kallang v far! >.< hope that tmr can settle things. IDD is coming! after planning it for months and months. but still abit sad coz it's in the midst of my exams. congrats Dawn for her baby boy. think i go sleep early if not tmr i will be a living zombie.

Sa Rang hae yo means I love you.

Been listening to jj's song. and realized it's a really sweet song. sa rang hae yo.. zhi dui ni shuo..

the apparent 300th day.

HEY! i nv go to school today. and I realized boon also nv go to school. haha. so funnny la. Mmm anyway. I found that I have changed once again. I do not know how but its definitely change for the better. Some part of me is still holding on to things. the other has learnt to let go. tomorrow shall be the day. waiting for this day for one month already. i seriously got no idea how things will happen tmr but hey! I am ready for it!

yes. i trust myself.

=)

dont ask me why the smiley is there. I listened to some band music and felt happy. Called quiny =) Mmm. even though the empty feelings wouldn't go away, i think i am learning to let it go.. Hopefully tonight I won't succumb to the fear of loneliness again =)

music rawks.

I hope I am not suffering from anorexia. I can see the bone of my hand already. oh my. people comment that i dont eat enough. but i do eat? maybe my brain is too caught up with work that i forgot about meal times. *shrugs* but. i dont feel hungry! >.<

today I woke up rather early and I lay on my bed thinking about things. felt weird. but at least I did achieve something. maybe its time to do it. today my water bottle wasn't capped properly and my whole bag got wet. all my books got wet. RAH! and i think my phone got problem. Maybe some water went it. now it cant shut off. hur hur.

I feel weird being thin. I feel weird seeing how boney my hands are. I hope this doesn't persist. if not i will go bang the walls.

To love someone, no matter what you do, you have to make him/her feel happy and fortunate and that includes giving up on him/her..

This was taken from one of my friend's msn nick. Will it really be the best this way? What if someone really loves another person and did so many things for the other person that she has already lost herself? Is it worth if she is not getting anything back at all? As good as it may seem outside, the girl needs love from the other person as well.. // ..maybe.. the guy doesn't love her anymore.

....

I thought of one person and remembered how that person has been accompanying me throughout the past few years. this is something that belongs to me and no one can take it away. Sigh. I am getting stressed. Tell me what I should do and how I should feel. for those people who think that I am not eating, please don't worry-I am eating decently. but I do feel that I am getting weaker, and thinner but I will pull through. Teacher's day celebration was great. ny concert was amazing and i went out with nhps friends. amazing hur. still in contact with them. I hope that they'll stay with me and we will grow together!

Why am I still holding on to things that are meant to be gone? Why is it that committment towards a dream ends up to be only me holding true to it? Why is it that I am stressed and that I have got no place to let out my feelings?

I dont know why.

Met quite a few people and learnt some things. compliment each other's strengths and ignore the weaknesses. learn to forgive and forget. approach things in life with a big and open heart.

I am still stuck. Will you help me unwind?

So here's the reply to my tagboard..

Quiny! I MISS YOU lOts! Even though I just met you last month.. I still miss having you around. You listening to all my nonsense and all my grumblings. You going with me around the school during recess time and crashing each other class whenever we're free! Sigh. My life is screwed now! >.<

Boon: You look stress too. haha. yes let's jiayou together! can't wait for everything to be over.

Val: Yo! have you guys been listening to SHIMIN? haha. if not i ask her go scold you. you gonna have exams soon right. study hard too!

ZJ: You stupid girl! =)

Okay. That's about all. =)

oh my. someone save me! >.<

I just realized i have got many many many things to do! and this is really bad. sigh. at the rate my stress level is climbing i think i will go bonkers some day. I am getting to fall sick already.. can feel it. *shrugs*

How shall I start?

NDC was boring. Bands couldnt sing and its quite a waste of time going to school actually. haha. went to causeway point with wenqi and meiping! nice day out =) Watched Lakeside and we had such a good laugh after the show coz all of us got confused by the story? That's quite bad. hur hur. got a shirt which I thought it looked quite nice.

Somehow I thought of someone. How come the memories seem to be so fresh. These vivid memories seem to stay deep within me. Why do I still hold on to them? This eventually leads me to ponder about my life a few years back then. and also. things about that person. haha o well. shan't think about it anymore.

My life is so dramatic. =)

Sigh. today is a bad bad bad day.

I actually took the bus and overslept. at the interchange im glad there was this kind man who actually took e effort to wake me up >.< after that I went home and the lift stuck. what lousy luck I have! 3 other people shared the same lift with me and all of them managed to get back home. I had to walk 6 lvls. *Shurgs*

later part of the day wasn't as peaceful as well. as usual it happened every year. but somehow I just didn't like the way things happened.

feel like isolating myself from the rest of the world.. dont wanna care anymore.. but I still seem to be waiting.. My head hurts from all the thinkings. I want to rest.

V night was quite fun! was alot better than what I had expected. haha. Maybe it's a good thing that I left there early. Come to picture that funny scenario that happened after I left. haha. chalet was ok. I just realized he jun xiang very hot! no wonder bek and kc were(and still are) crazy over him! he's really very attractive. Waiting for ndp holiday to come and then I will chiong the dvd. =) Haven't watched tv for quite some time. stayed up the whole of last night just to watch tv. haha. exciting.

Pissed. Just ain't feeling right.

Sigh.

I WANNA SCREAMM.

but the silent scream wont get me anywhere..

A little lag to post this but hey!

APPASSIONATA X RAWKS!

I am glad I went back to play even though I have paper the next day and I didnt really study for my common test. The main reason of why I went back is because of my dearest conductor Mr Lee. Thank you so much for everything. The alumni has got people of working age, of which my section has got a 24 year old senior. Sounds old! haha. but all of them came back for Mr Lee, and for their love for their Alma Mater. It's amazing how ny alumni is still strong. Every year without fail seniors of all ages come back to play. It's the spirit that we all have. Now I finally understand why people do go back despite their busy schedules. I would say the most important reason is because of Mr Lee, followed by the passion for music and lastly, its the bonds and friendships made throughout their years back in ny! I love my seniors. Somehow they triggered my fond memories of the past and made me feel home and welcomed. This is the type of feeling that I can never ever get elsewhere. yupp! Also, I must comment, GREAT JOB trombone! you guys done well. Improved alot and I am sure if you guys continue to work hard you'll be one of the best section =) I believe in you all. Let band be part of your wonderful memories in your hearts =) hehe. Concert was simply a blast! After that I had dinner along the riverside.. the ambience is really sweet. Haven't been out like this before (:

Okay. So that's the very very exciting part. god bless me for my common test. haha. I will fail physics/chem/maths/econs/gp. Basically, all the subjects. >.< I don't deny I havent studied much but at least I enjoyed myself lots during the holidays and hence I do not feel so bad for not doing badly. Come to think about it, this year will come to an end soon! haha. After A lvl I will go study for another 3~4 years and then I will go to work and face the challenges in the society! so exciting! haha. and maybe soon after, I will see all my friends getting married or maybe some leaving Singapore to go overseas to pursue their interests or anything else. Life's just gonna be like that? no one knows.

Gonna zzz. later wake up to watch soccer. haha. thrilling mathes today! Portugal vs England and Brazil vs France. Germany won last night! KLOSE! He rawks man. haha. *idolise him* Hopefully world cup will end soon so that I can have more time..

The house is empty. The weather is cold and I feel so alone now. Been thinking of a lot this few days but I can never think of the conclusion. What will the final outcome be? No one knows.. still waiting for time to pass and feelings to fade.. Maybe then the outcome will appear itself.. But. how long more do I have to wait? Sick and tired of waiting..

This is the 4th week of the june holidays and what have I done? Quite a lot actually but haven't raelly got time for myself and for friends. Only managed to meet up with shi zhen, da tou and wyy. The rest? No idea. Spent my first 2 weeks doing school stuff and going for band prac and also a little of something else.. 3rd week was the camp. Actually I also do not know why on earth I went back to join band. It stole my whole june hols.. or maybe half of it. People say it's a waste of time since nj band is not good but maybe there's something more than that? Personally I don't quite deny the fact that ny band is better. In terms of the attitude towards band and everything else. In the past everyone practises very hard and focuses during prac time. Everything that the conductor says, we would write it down, make a note and then improve on it. However this is not so commonly seen in my current band. Maybe it's just the attitude of people.. cca doesn't seem as important as before.. o wells.

Okay. Now for the camp! I am gonna get excited. haha. Since the start of the year I've been planning the camp.. late meetings at amk sometimes and it was really draining because I stay really far from there and often had to go home alone.. sometimes there's people going home with me but still the journey back home alone is quite lonely. I am glad I took part in this camp. The people and the volunteers there are really amazing! Currently I am attached to 3 different organisations.. but i still feel that HELP is the best! Maybe its the people there. They make us feel welcomed and they do take care of us. The volunteers there are mainly of my age and we can hit off rather well. As for the other two.. one of them is full of adults so it is not easy mingling whereas the second organisation doesn't give us sense of belonging. Been to do my weekly cip for quite a few times but I realized that everytime I go, there's nothing for me to do and that they do not need me at all. Then I start to wonder, why am I there? Never mind. I shall elaborate a little of my camp!

It's really fun being part of "Energizer Camp". So many little kids around and you will never get sick and tired of them. They scream at the top of their voices and they love to fight?! Sometimes I just don't understand kids. What's so good about fighting? If one person gives in, everything will be solved.. Maybe the kids are still too young and innocent to realise what is actually happening! Just be a little nice to them and they'll be nice to you! It's really funny seeing them quarrel over trivial matters! It is definitely one camp that I will remember for life.. Hopefully I will be back next year again! HELP rawks =)

I am so bored. I am starting to look at myself from a third's person's view. Who will I be? How will I look like? Two days ago I felt really horrible. All of a sudden my stomach hurt and then I felt giddy. At that instant I thought I was going to faint. Couldn't move as I was engulfed by pain. I couldn't hear people speak. All that I knew was that I may just faint and die. My whole body became jelly-like. First time that I actually felt this way. Maybe my body is exhausted. Maybe my brain is dying?

17 years of living. Who am I? What else do I have to embrace before everything can settle down peacefully?

I dream. Dream of a happy life without worries.

I just realised I am very prone to accidents.. I fell down last wednesday and had a big wound on my knee.. and today the table leg somehow banged into my foot and my toe nail almost came out. OUCH. hurts. haha. I seriously think I need to be more careful if not my whole body will get injured sooner or later..

Okay. busy non-stop since holiday started. So much things for me to handle. physically and emotionally. Dont worry. I will survive it through! yes!

people please come nj band concert.. 8th july.. interested people tell me ya? for those who bought tickets already.. thanks =)

Hectic week.. Somehow I've lost my sense of time.. Everything is just passing by too quickly, too quickly for me to stop and ponder. Maybe there really isn't time for me to stop. Keep moving! Sometimes I feel like isolating myself in a place where there's no people. At least that's where one can find comfort and time for just herself..

A lost passion found.
the feeling is simply great.
Hope that I can survive it through.
I never thought that I would be back.
Shall just take a step each and see how things go.

((=

Sheesh. I almost fainted just now. No idea why but head was very pain.. >.< maybe i will take mc tomorrow.. but tmr i need to bring e cones to school. RAH.

my family went out for supper close to midnight. that's so fun. havent gone out like this before. haha. nice but tiring day. been sleeping too much. time to work!

will there be any super glue to mend the broken heart back?

Sometimes I dont know what I am doing. Went back to ny today and saw many people. Entered the room and felt very weird. Wasn't this where I came from? I still couldnt figure out many many things.. I felt really guilty. Disappointing someone I respect so much for the past 4 years. Please forgive me.

...

Maybe we haven't quite understand each other and we do not know each other's needs. I am feeling lost already. will you guide me along? gimme a concrete answer.. Maybe I was in the wrong as well but can we not fight over silly matters again? it's really very draining. for both of us.. accommodate each other ?

...

Hey zhuo jing! I love you girl! thanks for the day. really enjoyed myself chatting with you. all of us might have changed. for the better or for the worse but I am really glad coz you still remember the existence of me.. thanks.

bad day. too many thoughts running wild in my mind.

I want to go back to the stage..

screwed life.. how much more do I have to know and to learn?

What a long weekend. Had fun out for the past 2 days but I was asked to stay at home today. Partly to rest and partly to do all my hw. sorry mm for not being able to go out as promised. Next time okay?

Nothing very exciting to write about but I realized there are some nice people in 06s10 like boon and hei dao who will make my day =) thanks. haha. O ya. going out with old friends can be really great. I realized I havent gone out for the whole of this year already.. not with my friends.. everyone's busy.

Been having weird dreams. I dreamt of the shop. My past. My current life and many many more. the feeling is just uneasy. nvm! time to pack my stuff. happy easter!

It's april already. What have I done for the past few months?
I realized that humans are weird. We area always doing things that we ought to but not necessary want to and like to.

Okay! time to clear my stuff. Messy.

Everyone changed. All of them have embarked on their new journey. Life is weird, isnt it? One moment you see all things fitting nicely together and the next moment, things are all falling apart. Sigh.

I miss. band.

Just clicked on the song playlist and heard some band songs. I don't know why but it's like something that is already gone.. All I can feel is my own ny band. but coming back to reality, things aint the same again. sigh.

Had a bad day today. Shall not comment on it anymore. =(

Someone teach me how to plan my life?

I hate it. I really do. Why is it that things keep changing? Can't they stay the way they use to be? Must we all go through that kind of internal struggle before everything can finally have a conclusion?

sigh.

yay!
volunteering work is really great. I really enjoy it.
at least i found one more reason to keep me going in life.
smiles everyone..

i just saw a new path. i hope i can cross it..

why am i so careless. =(
i must learn to be more alert next time.. nt so forgetful..

='(

okay. so result's out today. was emotionless when i went to collect it. ny didn't do very well. in fact I think neighbourhood schools did better than we do. haha. okay nvm. no point dwellling on it also.

Went to youxin's house. IT"S AMAZING I TELL YOU. had so much fun there =) going to sleep le. good night all!

okay. haven't been using the computer for dunno how long. haha. e moment i reach home, I will head for the bathroom and then my bed =)
good luck to all the people taking results. Mmm.

new year is coming. not surviving very very well. still dont know where I am heading. learning to be even more independent..

For once, I am home when the sky is still bright. haha. Miss the feeling of being at home. Been out everyday till quite late. Yawns. I am tired! So many things to do and I am gonna die soon. o wells. I am 17 already! sounds old. haha. I MISS NY. such a wonderful place.. hur hur.. X)

Jc orientation finally ended tonight with a dance party! Quite fun I should say. Nj mass dance is simple yet nice. haha.. and my class got quite a few people who can really dance! unlike me. Played with mud, water, rain, soap and many others and I FELT STINKY all day! glad that I am clean now (:

Tiring but actually my class quite okay. Had outing yesterday night at marche. Brokee. Must try to save money already. Mmm. My back is really tired. I WANT MASSAGE. I want someone to massage for me.

Things have somewhat settled down. Wonder how's life gonna be in just the next few weeks. Uncertainty. Still trying to adapt to all the new changes. Well. I still don't really know how my life will continue to change but shall just let things take its own place.

happiee new year!

People who are free please go and read the Da Vinci Code. Its thrilling. good book! Mmm it's a new year. What do I wish for? 4 things. haha. Family, friends, studies and one more thing. =)

go figure.