Monday, April 16, 2012 @Monday, April 16, 2012
Most girls think about their wedding day, how the dress will look, the decorations and colour schemes etc etc. But when I try to picture my life, I always picture what happens after I say "I Do." Like I've always said, I love love, but love scares the crap outta me.
When I picture my life after the wedding, I see my husband and I arguing,laughing, smiling and being completely in love despite what the world may throw our way. I see the children out playing, fighting, making a mess and eventually growing up.
I want a marriage where my husband will remain as good a friend to me as he was when we first met. I want the love I have for my husband to grow with each day. I want to be able to accept his flaws and be the one that balances him out. I want to grow with him, not just grow old, but grow up and mature. I want to learn about life with him by my side. I want to face adversities head on knowing that he'll be there right beside me cheering me on. I want him to be able to be vulnerable with me and know that I won't judge him. I want him to be open with me and know what I will accept him no matter what. I want us to fight and argue about the things we disagree on so that we can come to a conclusion that suits the both of us so that we have no bad tension between us. I want my children to be able to see how powerful love is. I want them to grow in a loving environment, assured of their parents love for them and each other.
My best friend and I were talking ages ago about how we expect the guys we marry to come from the same socioeconomic class as we do. But we both later agreed that socioeconomic backgrounds don't matter if who we end up with is hardworking, driven and can love us despite our crazy moments. When my best friend and I envision our future selves, we see ourselves leaving our kids with our husbands as least one week a year so we can go on a holiday together, we see ourselves watching our grandchildren and talking/gossiping with each other about random things and laughing so hard our dentures fall out and we make our grandchildren pick them up and give them back, only our grandchildren, being the rascals they are, run away with them and my best friend and I chase after them with our walking sticks. Haha..
Yes, when I picture my life after the wedding day I know who I want to see in it. I even know who I want the husband to be. Only time will tell who I'll end up with, but I know how I want my life after "I Do." to be.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012 @Wednesday, April 11, 2012
I guess you know that you're growing up when you stop crying over boys and start crying over missing home and your family.
I keep playing back events from the past week or so that would never have happened if I were back home in Singapore. I keep thinking about the mistakes I may make simply because I know that no one will know unless I tell them. I'd love to believe that my parents raised me to know the difference between right and wrong and more often than not I think I do know the difference, but of late, the line between the two seems to be blurry.
I know all of us have to leave home someday and that it'll be a test to see if we sink or swim. I think I've still got little floaties on cause technically I haven't been alone, I've had Bestie here with me through it all.
Today I've been thinking about snuggling in bed between my mum and my sister, and driving around with my brother or just sitting on the sofa watching tv with my dad or listening to my grandmother ramble on about anything and everything. Being home alone in a relatively quiet space...makes me miss the little things that make a house a home.
I most probably have said this before, but being here in Australia is like existing and not living. I guess I still have to forge my own path for myself the way I did in Singapore. It's like learning to be yourself all over again, only in a completely new environment. I'm starting to realize that I most probably feel like I'm just existing instead of living because here in Australia I'm missing a fairly huge chunk of who I am. For the most part of my life, I've been defined by what I do in church and what I did in school, all of which revolved around what I did with music. Here in Australia I've yet to find an avenue for my music which makes Australia feel like less of a home for me.
But still, there is a difference in my life between last semester and this semester. Though I still think there's room for improvement. I should start going back to church properly and find a place for my music.