A New School Year

Fall is in full force here in Boise and I've adjusted to the fact that it isn't still summer. After all, whoever heard of cool weather in September? :)

As I sit here to write my various updates, I realize I still have several pictures to download from my camera. As life is pretty busy these days, I know it's either write the blog without the pictures or put the pictures on my to do list and let the blog sit for an indefinite period of time. I'll just write.

School this year is a mixed bag. I'm homeschooling John full time through a charter school for homeschoolers. They're basically there for support, to make sure the standards are taught, and to provide curriculum materials. I still get to set the curriculum, pace, assignments, grades, etc, but they pay for approved materials, which is nice. They also have all kinds of extra stuff. John is in Drama Club and Future City Team club (I'm sure I'll blog more about that in the future), and he goes down to the school for a few hours every Friday for teacher-guided activities in science (including labs), history (including virtual field trips), etc. It's pretty cool. He also bikes down to the Y every day or two (the school paid for that membership as well), and has earned the Cycling Merit Badge in scouts (which included a 25-mile and 50-mile bike ride). He's down to a healthier weight and is looking and feeling good.

I do believe homeschooling was a good decision for John this year, and I'm glad I decided to do it. He's definitely still healing and how I run schooling with him keeps that in mind. I am, however, hopeful that John will be ready to go back to the public school full time next school year. Homeschooling is time-consuming and I have to manage the schedule carefully to keep from becoming a burned-out lunatic. ;) There's a technological high school here that teaches computer programming, web design, etc and John is very interested in attending. We've talked to several people who go there (along with their parents) and I hear nothing but good things about it. It seems like a good fit for him, so hopefully he'll get in (they have a lottery) and he'll enjoy it and do well.

Ben started at the Math and Science school and enjoys it, though he's adjusting to being so challenged. I had thought he could attend the junior high (which is on the same campus) for his humanities classes, but that school is in a different district than the one we live in and they don't start junior high until 7th grade. Ben is in 6th grade. I didn't realize we had this issue until we got back from Arizona. I spent a few harried weeks trying to figure out what to do with him for the first half of the school day, and ultimately decided to homeschool him in the mornings. That turned out to be an excellent decision. Because John and Ben are so close in age, it's easy to teach them both English and History using mostly the same curriculum. It's been really fun having Ben with us in the morning and I think it's made the overall experience more positive.

Chris started at a new charter school that is, unfortunately, a 20 minute drive from the house. I truly don't mind the drive, but then I realized I'll be making the drive in the snow a handful of times and we have to come off the hill so I'm not looking forward to that. Fortunately, winters are pretty mild here. Anyway, Chris LOVES his new school. He's already made friends and has a new best friend, with whom he's already had several play dates. His friend lives on 5 acres with cows and chickens and trampolines and the whole nine yards. Boy heaven. These two are so cute together. Chris also loves his teachers and the academics side of the school as well (I'm happier with this school for that reason too and it is SUCH a relief that my little Chris is no longer being bullied). Chris even gets to do homework on the computer. How high tech kids are these days! He's coming out of his shell more and more. It's nice to see the old Chris again. He's doing really well.

So that's the craziness we have this year. We're still going to grief group (which started again just a few weeks ago) and everyone's in counseling. Between that and scouting, we're kept pretty busy. Some people have mentioned to me that they keep my boys in their prayers, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that. They do need it and I'm sure it helps.

Gift of the Phoenix Coming Soon!!

(Click above to see my book trailer!)

Okay, here's the big news in my life right now (other than readjusting to 111 degree heat - sheesh!). I'm releasing my novel, Gift of the Phoenix, in September 2012! It will be available in both print and ebook formats, on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Apple, Sony, etc, etc.

Exciting, yes?? :)

I just wrote an email to about half of my pre-release readers (the other half of their email addresses are on pieces of paper 1000 miles away in Boise). Anyway, I sent them an email sharing the news and remembered I meant to post something about it here as well.

I will cheat by embracing technology's greatest innovation: the copy and paste feature. ;)

A few months ago, Kevin encouraged me to release Gift of the Phoenix as an ebook and offered to create a cover. I figured I had nothing to lose. The Indie publishing market is not what it was six years ago. While it will always be flooded with poorly-written novels, there are more success stories than ever and it is not the black mark on your career it once was. Sadly, traditional publishing houses continue to decline. They are even less likely to take on new authors than they were six years ago and some have frozen their new acquisitions altogether. Meanwhile, some successful Indie authors are turning down contract offers with traditional publishers. They're making good money on their own and like having control over their own careers.

I don't know whether I'll self-publish future novels (I'm currently working on one titled The Crossroads) or try the traditional route. I'll make that decision when another book is done. But releasing Gift of the Phoenix will not harm a traditional career, and may help if the book sells well.

So, I'm going for it!

Please check out my Kickstarter page to view the book trailer (which I LOVE!!!) and to keep an eye on future updates about the book. Eventually I'll have a website up for the book, but right now it's under construction. I'll do another post when it's somewhat presentable. :) 

I'd really, really appreciate any help you can give spreading the word about the book. If you know other readers who you think would enjoy it, please tell them about the book!

Books sink or swim on word of mouth, so please talk it up if you can. :)

If you feel comfortable doing so, send them to my Kickstarter page to view the trailer. It's a great way for people to pre-order the book, if they're interested. :)

And that's it! My big news! Do the happy dance with me! :)

How the Boys Are Doing

I've been debating whether or not to post this, and trying to decide how personal to get. It is, after all, their private life and not mine. But as we've been visiting with friends and family in Arizona, I realized people wonder about them and it would be good to say something at least. So, 10 months later, this is how the boys are doing.

In general, they're doing much better. It's still relatively early, and there are tough times ahead I'm sure. But it's better than it was.

I found a local grief group for children, which the boys LOVE! They meet twice a month, September through May. We begin with dinner, then an opening activity. Then the kids separate into three groups by age. John is in the oldest group, Ben and Chris are together in the middle group, plus there's a group for the really young ones. There are about 20 kids in the group, all of whom have lost their dads. While the kids are in their groups doing their activities, the adults meet together and have a support group type session.

The activities have been really helpful for the boys, and I find the support group helpful too. It gives me good perspective on how the boys are doing (I feel more confident that they'll be okay) and it makes me realize my blessings. There's a lot of single moms trying to deal with this all on their own, with no one to do "guy" things with their sons. I'm blessed to have a wonderful, supportive husband to help me through this and the boys are blessed to have a male figure in their lives who can do all the dad things for them.

The adult support group gave me a good idea one week. I mentioned that when Ben gets really sad about it, he says that what he misses most is his dad's big bear hugs. (Anyone who knew Brian would understand why.) So the counselor suggested we buy one of those gigantic teddy bears from Costco so the boys could hug the bear when they missed their dad. After the session, I asked the boys if they liked that idea and they got really excited about it. The next day "Chef Bear" came home with us and found his place in a cozy corner of the living room. It hasn't been a sad, mopey kind of experience with the bear. The boys enjoy it and it's been really positive for them. 

The last activity in May was a butterfly release. It was so cool and the boys had fun with their butterflies. Course, Ben was freaked out at first cuz his landed on his shirt, but he got over it eventually.

Ben and Chris also participated in a few grief group sessions ran by their school's counselor. They didn't like those as much. I think part of it was because they were made to talk even when they didn't feel like it, and part of it was because they had a bad experience their first session. The counselor had the kids (there are 3 beside my two) pick a button from a pile on the table. This button somehow represented the person they lost, but I'm unclear what the connection was exactly. But at the end of the session, the counselor had them give the buttons back.

Now, I know she means well and I appreciate her trying, but this tells me she does not understand children and grief. You don't ask a child to connect their loved one with an item and then take that item away from them. Unless it's something you're "sending" to your loved one, like a butterfly or balloon release (we did a balloon release on Father's day).

On the other hand, this local grief group we all attend has been very positive for everyone, and the boys always leave with something in their hand (something they made as part of the activity that evening, which might have been about anger or memories or whatever). Once it was a cement stepping stone they made and decorated in remembrance of their dad. Once we all wrote private notes to Brian and put them in a pot, which we filled with soil and flowers. Even after the butterfly release, they couldn't take home a butterfly (not for Christopher's lack of trying) but they still left with small notebooks to write in over the summer. It's a great group and I love the adults running it. They really know what they're doing.

Well, I started writing more specific updates on the kids, but it's just too personal to post publicly, though I don't mind telling you in person if you ask me. I'll just say that John had a pretty rough patch, but we decided to homeschool him part-time and that has made a huge difference. He's more in control of his emotions, and more like a happy kid now. We'll see how this next school year progresses. Hopefully he can continue to heal. Chris, in short, became pretty withdrawn from his peers both at school and at scouts, but he's doing great at scouts now and will be starting a new school in the Fall (we weren't happy with the other school for a variety of reasons). Ben, as far as that stuff goes, has done great. He made a lot of friends at school and was able to keep his grades high (though not as high as normal) in spite of definitely having his moments of feeling overwhelmed, angry, or sad. He had a blast in Washington, D.C. and tested into a very advanced math and science school (it's a half day program, so he'll take his other classes at the junior high). Anyway, they all have healing to do and I don't mind admitting I'm not looking forward to the school year because the pressure of school can make things harder on everyone, including myself. But even if things aren't exactly easy come Fall, it'll be a lot easier than the last school year was. Right?

Anyway, last I'll say a little something about myself. While occasionally I still have to process the whole thing and try to understand my relationship and history with Brian, the hardest thing for me has been trying to come to a point of acceptance about the aftermath of Brian's death. My children will be feeling the affects for the rest of their lives, which means it's never going away for me as a mother either. I feel less angry toward Brian for what he did to the boys, and I'm glad for that. Anger is not a fun emotion. I do trust it will get better and easier with time. It is already easier to deal with than it was several months ago. I did have a moment of heaviness and resentment as I was buying the balloons for the Father's day release, but it was gone by the time I got home. It's getting easier. Kevin has been a rock for me, and I'm so grateful for that. Something else that's really helped has been getting back into my creative pursuits. Kevin encouraged me to release my book Gift of the Phoenix as an ebook (I'll post a link about this in a separate post) and I've also been writing my next book. It's been so nice to be creative again and has helped me heal and move forward in a positive way.

Speaking of Kevin, our relationship is definitely one of the positive things in my life. We both work from home, so you'd think we'd get tired of being together, but we don't. We enjoy one another's company so much. We inspire each other and support one another and have an open, honest relationship with no drama. It's a beautiful thing. While we all have the normal adjustment that comes with blending families, it's been relatively easy and going really well. And I just love my stepdaughters. They're all such a pleasure to have around, and we're lucky that all the kids get along well. Everyone's happy when we're all together. :)

Okay, enough blabbing. Thanks for listening, to whoever is still out there reading this blog.

Hugs.

Travis Makes a Surprise Visit

Travis (Brian's youngest brother) was passing through Boise a few weeks ago, so we decided to surprise the boys. Here's the video:

Christopher missed his Uncle Travis so much that his first reaction was to cry. The fact that he hadn't slept well the night before probably helped too. But he was smiling soon enough:

Since we only had a few hours to visit, we decided to go for a walk along the river downtown, followed by pizza and cookies at the Flatbread Pizza Co. It was soooo nice seeing Travis. The boys LOVED it!

Friendship Bridge

Goofing around. Look at that smile on John's face. :)

A Few Things About Ben

First, he would like me to tell you that his nickname is "Cookie." It started when he made friends with a boy named Ben. Apparently that boy is "Bendy" (from Ben D.) and my Ben is "Cookie" to avoid confusion. :) Ben has requested that I call him Cookie. Not happening. ;)

In other news, he was recently awarded the Presidential Academic Award.

While I was proud of Ben for earning this award, I was far more proud of the attitude he had about it. I didn't see the slightest bit of arrogance or conceit about it. He didn't brag or make a big fuss. He simply went to school, accepted the award, humbly showed his family the medal and certificate, wore the medal under his shirt the rest of the day, and that was that. He's a sweet boy who has managed to overcome several years of painful shyness. He's an outgoing, friendly, confident kid who has come to accept himself for who he is, while accepting others for who they are. It's a wonderful combination of traits and that's what really makes me proud.

His grade also put together a really fun performance all about America. They sang songs, played a verse on their recorders, and recited tales about American history. It was really fun.

Well, Ben's elementary years are over. Middle school starts in 6th grade, so off he goes. Egads.

How Could I Forget?

In my haste to update quickly (I'm still not done, BTW) I forgot to draw special attention to one of the best pics Anna took at our reception (and she took SO many great pics!).

Behold, the ultimate foot picture:

Thank you Anna for this wonderful addition to the collection. :) Hugs!

Name that Bird

Maybe a month ago now, we had a feathered visitor hanging around our yard and cul-de-sac for a couple of days. It's the only time I've seen a bird like this in Boise. No one seems 100% sure what kind of bird it is, but we're thinking it's some type of pheasant, or perhaps a grouse. You can't tell from the pictures, but he's a good sized bird. Maybe twice the size of a large crow.

In any case, he had a really interesting song which I captured on video.

Christopher's Domino Runs

A few months ago, it was not at all uncommon to have to tiptoe your way around one of Christopher's many domino runs. He does these all by himself, and comes up with the designs on his own. I put together a montage for him, which we posted on his own channel on YouTube. It's pretty fun.

Before I Check Out for the Night

Okay, that's about all the updating I can do for now. I have more coming, hopefully sooner rather than later. Before I go, though, I thought I'd do some update cheating and give you links to personal posts I wrote for my America Jane blog. Since these are more personal, I'll share them here too.

The first link is to my book review of Tear Soup, an amazing book on grieving for kids. This was given to us by a friend. If you follow the link, you can read what this book has meant for the boys.

The second isn't really about the boys, but since you guys are my friends too you might be interested. :) Thanks to my dear hubby, I've now tried my hand at painting and drawing. This post is about my first painting workshop. There will be a drawing post forthcoming. Eventually. Here's a sneak peek at one of my drawings in progress:

Lastly, I want to give a big plug for Ben.

Chances are, most of you have already been contacted by Ben about this. If you haven't, or if you just need a reminder (hint hint, LOL), please follow the link to learn about Ben's upcoming trip to Washington, D.C. and how you can help him raise the funds for his tuition. (It ain't cheap.)

We have a week to go and every little bit helps, truly!

You can sponsor (100% of the donation goes to his tuition) or you can buy raffle tickets for the 70/30 raffle where 70% of funds raised goes to his tuition and the remaining 30% goes to three winners.

Even if you can't make a donation, please do check out his page anyway. It's a pretty neat experience he's going to have. :)

Our First Snow

The winters here are very mild, similar to Prescott I'm told. I was worried the cold might be a bit much for me, but it really wasn't at all. Plus, I can't help but be partial to weather which encourages cute boots and fuzzy neck wraps. :)

These are pictures from our first snow, which the boys and I found absolutely mesmerizing. The boys played in it that morning, and on the way to school John kept saying, "It's just so beautiful!"

Amen!

Rather than go work in our office/studio in the basement, I camped out by the family room windows and watched the snow. It was so quiet and peaceful. And inspiring. I wrote a poem, my first in many years.

I'm glad I took the time to enjoy it because by mid-afternoon it was starting to melt and by the next day it was nearly all gone. Apparently, that's normal for Boise. I'm glad we don't get a ton of snow here, but we only experienced a few snows this winter; I would've been happy with a bit more. As John says, it's just so beautiful.

View from our front porch.

Chris playing in the backyard. It wasn't long before he came in, hopping and saying, "It's cold! It's cold! It's cold!" LOL.

View from the dining room. Otherwise known as the warm view.

I loved how the snow accumulated on even the tiniest of branches.

Ben decided he had to fling that snow right off the branch.

View from the kitchen window.

View from the family room.

John playing in it after school. You can see how much it's already melted.

Before we moved, Ben and Chris got to participate in one last Winter Sing at their school. One of the songs Chris sang went like this:

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, SIX-ty million snowflakes!"

Here's a video of Chris giving an impromptu performance of that song in the snow, but my memory card was almost full so it cut him off halfway through. I was so bummed! But it's still cute, so I'm posting it anyway:

Christopher's Baptism

This baptism was a little bitter sweet, since it was just a few months after Brian passed away. We were able to do it in Arizona before the move though, and that was a blessing. As with Ben's baptism, Brian's brothers performed the ordinances and his family was there supporting Chris, of course.

Christopher is such a cutie. I love these pictures, even though he and Ben both have a tendency (they've yet to outgrow) for making goofy faces at the camera. Chris was really excited to get baptized, and since moving to Boise he has shown a lot of personal motivation for reading the scriptures on his own. It's so nice to see.

Anyway, his baptism really was a great day.

Christopher Commendeers the Bathroom

Within a week of moving in, Christopher laid claim to "his side" of the bathroom with a passion. Guarding from potential invaders, I'm pretty sure....

Watch out. The Ewok and Storm Trooper mean business.