3 LONG MONTHS!!
3:20 PM
14/9MUAHAHAHA!!it has been 3 months ever since i last blogged.......even Miss Blogspot had started blogging..and im still very much lazy to blog...LOL..
the past 3 months has been quite a fruitful period for me..hmm..God has been teaching me a few things these 3 months..my faith and trust in Him was tested..ultimately..i know that God is sovereign..and nothing happens outside His sovereign plans..i want to have the attitude and heart of Job..if everything were to be taken away from me,and left with nothing, wld i still be able to say, "The Lord gives and He takes away, blessed be His name." it really takes a lot of faith and trust to do that..knowing that whatever happens, the Lord will not allow something to happen without a reason..there is definitely no coincidence..
as i reflect and look back, the Lord is really faithful..He brought me thru the 6-7 big trials in my life..although at the pt of time, i cld not see whats the purpose and cont to wallow in self-pity..Now i look back, i wld not be who I am now if not for those trials..I wld not have grown so much spiritually..and my relationship with God definitely wld not be as close..so Romans 8:28 says all things happen for the good of those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose..Praise the Lord!!
really thank God for the courage to bring up issues that is not very "nice" to talk abt..nevertheless, things still need to be solved..really thank God for tearing down walls of pride slowly, being ever so patient with me..Amen!! =)
sch had started for cerelia, tzehui will be going bangkok with missy chernie soon..oh man!!think i will be super bored..but nvm!!i shall stay at home and try out recipes!!wahahaha!!let the 2 girls cont to eat and put on weight after they come back to singapore!!what a great plan!!woot!!
next recipe: Kueh dadar(wrapped with grated coconut and sesame seeds)..2 months back, i tried making it without the sesame seeds..it was ok..super hard to make the skin!!!this time round, im going to improve my recipe to make the skin thinner, and also adding sesame seeds to the grated coconut..wonder how will it taste like??STAY TUNE!!
Real Men Risk Rejection..
1:54 AM
9/6crashed in for the 1st and 2nd night of Faith Camp..will be crashing in on the 3rd night again ba..this few days of continous spiritual feeding recharge me spiritually..and im praying that God will remove all the idols in my heart and mind..do keep me in prayer if you have the time ya? =) thank you so much!!
i read Greg's notes today in the camp on their workshop on Relationship..i tot that the notes are very comprehensive..and it kind of lead my tots to this article..
My senior year in college, I met a girl that blew me away. She was beautiful. She shared my passion for ministry. She shared my theology and understanding of the local church. And I suspected we had a lot of other things in common as well. We had lunch to talk about some areas of ministry we were both involved in on campus. A few days later I saw her again at our campus prayer meeting. I told her how much I enjoyed our lunch, and that we should do it again.
And then it hit me. That cold, gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach. A weakness in my limbs, a dryness in my mouth. You know what I'm talking about. Fear. Powerful, primal, inescapable, fear.
I saw her often — at prayer meeting, our IVCF meetings, around campus. But all I could muster at those chance encounters (and some not so chance encounters!) was an earnest "We should do lunch again some time," followed by awkward avoidance of actually setting it up.
Thankfully, she had mercy on me. She took the initiative and found an excuse to set up a meeting. I was in charge of small group Bible studies on campus and she was leading one. So she could pull it off without too much trouble. Once again we had a great time. Once again, at the end of the lunch, I suggested we should get together again. And once again, fear gripped me and I failed to act.
Unbeknownst to me, she had already confided in her friends that she liked me, but wasn't going to bail me out again. If anything was going to happen, I was going to have to step up to the plate, initiate, and define the relationship. In short, I was going to have to be a man and lead.
It took a while, and she began to think I'd never do it. But a month or so later, I managed to initiate a conversation at our annual fall beach retreat. When we got back to campus, we took a walk one evening. I told her many of the things I liked about her, how much I enjoyed being with her, and that I wanted us to date exclusively. I'm not sure what we called it back then, but in today's parlance, I had finally had the DTR — Define The Relationship.
It wasn't the last difficult stage in our dating relationship, nor was it the last time I was nearly paralyzed with fear. But nearly 17 years of marriage later, I am so thankful that Adrienne found that excuse for a second lunch. Had she not, I'm not sure we ever would have made it to the DTR, or the altar!
A Small Talk That's Not Just Small Talk
So why is it that guys like me and you tend to wait so long to have the talk? After all, chances are, you've already talked quite a few times. You like talking to her. That's why you want to have the conversation. But this conversation isn't like all the others. Even if it's just the initials DTR, there's a whole lot more riding on the outcome than whether or not you start dating. Your entire self-image is on the line.
Basically it comes down to what the Bible calls the fear of man. It can take many different forms. Maybe we don't want to risk her rejection, because we've invested a lot of ourselves in what she thinks of us. Maybe we don't want to risk failure, because our self-image is wrapped up in success, including relational success. Maybe we don't want to risk the ridicule of the guys, who'll tease us for not landing someone "better." Maybe we don't want to risk commitment, because we fear being that exposed to another person.
Whatever form it takes, fear of man causes me to avoid doing anything that puts me at risk, and that includes the DTR. Instead, I either wait for a risk-free scenario (like pumping her friends for information to find out how she'll respond), or I manipulate her into taking the risk for me (which is basically what flirting is all about — can I lead her on just enough to get her to reveal her true feelings first?).
Trusting God with your Manhood
Many people think that for guys, being a Christian means giving up being a man. Nothing could be further from the truth. God created us as men to lead and take the initiative. And that means taking risks.
But there's no way I'll ever take a real risk as long as my sense of worth is tied up in what others think of me. And that includes a girlfriend, or even a wife. It's only as I put my trust in God and his unconditional acceptance of me through the atoning death of Jesus Christ that I can ever take up God's calling to be a leader. It's only when I'm confident of God's love for me that I can stop manipulating the woman I'm interested in, and instead love and honor her by shouldering the risks of the relationship myself.
And guys, while risk-taking leadership may begin with the DTR, it doesn't end there. From Genesis 2 to Matthew 1 (Joseph's concern for Mary), to Ephesians 5 (Christ's love for the church), the Bible consistently portrays the man's responsibility to initiate and lead in the marriage relationship.
Maybe the most often overlooked example of this is in the very first relationship, Adam and Eve. Genesis 2:22 tells us that after God made Eve, he brought her to Adam. Now what we might have expected next was for God to say something: explain the purpose of marriage, assure Adam that after all the disappointment of not finding a suitable helper (2:19-20), here she was, encourage him about her willingness to marry. But God doesn't do any of that. He simply brings her to Adam and says nothing. The silence is deafening. The next move is all up to him.
What does Adam do? He doesn't flirt with her. He doesn't ask her if she likes him. Instead, he shoulders the risk, steps up to the plate, and declares his intentions for the relationship. When Adam says in Genesis 2:23, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh," he's not just describing where she came from. And he's certainly not flirting, or putting out feelers. He's laying it on the line and declaring his intentions for marriage.
Guys, the woman you marry is going to depend on you to lead her. She's going to look to you to sacrifice your own comfort and convenience for the sake of the family. She's going to look to you to back her up when your teenage children, or the in-laws, come down on her. She's going to look to you set the pace spiritually. She's going to look to you for leadership when hard decisions about career, or parenting, or aging parents, or any of a host of other issues arise. She's going to look to you to set the example in admitting when you're wrong and asking for forgiveness.
In all of those situations, you're going to feel the fear again. The fear of making a wrong decision. The fear of being exposed. The fear of being rejected. And then, as with the DTR, the only way you'll be able to step up and lead as the man God made you to be, is if your trust is in God, not in the outcome of the conversation.
[Note to women: if the guy you're dating isn't leading well now, don't think that a ring on his finger is going to change anything. You should be extremely wary of prolonging that relationship in the hope that you'll be able to change him. At this point, humility, realism and the Scriptures are your best friends. Humility reminds you that you're not the Holy Spirit; you can't change another person's heart. Realism tells you that what you see is generally what you get. A poor leader may improve in his leadership skills incrementally over time, but he's unlikely to metamorphose into a great leader on your wedding night. And the Scriptures warn you that your heart does not have your best interests in mind (Jer. 17:9). It will betray you. Thus the repeated warning in Song of Solomon, "Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires" (Song of Solomon 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). So if you want to be married to a man who will lead well, don't date a man that doesn't.]
Swallowing Our Pride, Not Our Words
Since marriage is all about self-risking leadership, it makes sense that that's where we need to start in dating. Guys, we need to swallow our pride, which is unwilling to risk failure or embarrassment, and then open our mouths and initiate the relationship.
What should the DTR look like? There's no one right formula, but it should at least include the following:
*What do you like about her? What qualities and attributes have attracted you to her? What have you observed that makes you want to pursue this? Tell her! And don't just focus on the romantic things that are likely to produce an emotional response. Talk to her about the biblical qualities and virtues that you've observed that make you think marriage is worth considering.
*What are your intentions? If you're serious about obeying 1 Timothy 5:2, "Treat ... younger women as sisters, with absolute purity," your intentions should not be recreational or experimental dating. You wouldn't want someone treating your sister as a means for a little fun, would you? So if you're not in a position to get married, you shouldn't be having this conversation or the relationship! If you are, you don't need to tell her that you want to marry her, but you should let her know that you want to start this relationship in order to find out.
*What's next? Regular dates? Getting involved in ministry together? Meeting each other's close friends? Give her a sense of how you intend to go about this, so she's not left wondering the next day why you haven't called. This might even include a sense of how long you think it will take to decide if this is leading to marriage or not.
Some of you men are thinking at this point, "Wait a minute. Are you saying that all the risk is mine?" Yes I am. "Doesn't that mean that she can just tell me no and leave me twisting in the wind?" Yes is does. Welcome to leadership. Welcome to trusting God. Welcome to being a man. Your cards belong on the table. Your intentions and your feelings, to the extent that you can discern them and it is appropriate for you to share them, should be clear. Part of your role even at this early stage is to protect the woman of your interest from unnecessary risk and vulnerability by providing a safe context in which she can respond.
Twenty years ago, when I finally worked up the courage to have the DTR, I didn't do everything right. I wasn't clear enough on my intentions. I certainly didn't give her a sense of what was next. That led to problems along the way. And additional DTRs. But by God's grace, I did risk myself. And I learned that God can be trusted, with my love life, with my manhood, with everything.
All that, from just one small conversation.
-From http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001443.cfm
Yes, thats part of what biblical manhood is about..also be encouraged that not being afraid of failure is definitely a very attractive godly quality(of cos im not talking abt unwise persistent pestering), the boldness to just risk it and trust God! *claps*
haha!!so random!!
Leaders retreat, mentorship, children..
11:00 PM
7/6been very long ever since i updated..after that FAKE blogspot fooled me..LOL..
ok..this post is going to be quite a serious post..really thank God for speaking to me thru so many circumstances and also thru His Word..
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4/6 - 6/6
was at the leaders' retreat..the part that spoke to me most was abt mentorship by Kenny..and the imptance of family in today's society..there are alot of things nowadays in the world that will tempt us to steal time away to spend with our families..in my working life context, i have seen how some of my children are neglected due to parents' hectic working schedule..im not saying that working is wrong, but im saying that sometimes our priorties are wrongly placed and we tend to justify that,,becos im working, very busy, etc..i have no time to talk to my children, i have no time to look thru their homework, etc..then wait till when one day their children are grown up, the parents wanted to talk to their children, then it will be their children's turn to be busy, etc..i just feel very sad..and my heart ache for these families..as much as student care centre teachers are here to help them, but we as teachers can never never replaced the parents' roles as much as we wanted to help them..
to sidetrack abit, recently my mum has more off days due to her finished projects..somehow, i feel very secure knowing that she is at home by the time i got home from work(thats not the case usually)..i mean everything else still runs normally, but the fact that she is at home, just assured me..i dunno how to explain..it is that "my mummy is at home!!" kind-of-feeling..ya ya..as old as i am now, i still feel that..so can we imagine what effects it will have on a young child??
and also in Titus 2, Paul instructed the older women in the church to train the younger women to....
4So that they will wisely train the young women to be [a]sane and sober of mind (temperate, disciplined) and to love their husbands and their children,
5To be self-controlled, chaste, homemakers, good-natured (kindhearted), adapting and subordinating themselves to their husbands, that the word of God may not be exposed to reproach (blasphemed or discredited).
ok..maybe you all may think that why do i have to think so far, etc..but hey!it is all in God's word!!thats why i have been very sure of what i have always wanted to be..to be a home-maker..i tot that is a really high calling and it is biblical!!yes!im not ashamed of admitting it!in fact, it is my childhood dream(i dunno why i wld want to be a housewife at such a young age then, but im convinced that it is a God planted desire!!)it's highest objective is nothing less than the salvation of my future children's souls..that they wld repent of their sins, put their trust in Jesus, and to reflect the gospel to the world ard them..i mean yes although im not married now, in fact still single, haha..but we can be prepared and train ourselves to be busy at home..in fact only 3 qualities mention in the verses above are targeted at married women specifically(love their husbands,homemakers, submissive to husband)..the rest of the qualities can be applied to single women as well as married women..so girls, if your desire is to be a housewife, pray boldly and ask God to assure you, God honours obedience.. =) even if we are single now, we can still cultivate biblical feminity by studying Titus 2 and Proverbs 31.. =)
and the quest abt how to survive on just single income at our time and age now, etc..i believe as we walked in obedience and abide in God's word, God wld not short changed us, He will definitely provide..we can work from home too!!consider a part time income..in Proverbs 31, the woman also work from home, and yet she can take care of her household..girls, lets embrace Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 woman!!woot!
ok..this may seem nothing to do with the leaders retreat..it does ok!haha..cos kenny talked abt family in today's society..and that leads to my conviction in this area..we lived in a society that emphasizes preparation and education for everything but marriage,motherhood and homemaking..which is really sad..and God's word is the Light to this area.. =) Hallelujah!!
The next part is my conviction on mentorship..i remembered last yr, i prayed and ask God what are the things he wanted me to focus on this 2009..He impressed upon my heart abt biblical femininity which i had covered above, and the other is abt mentorship..Titus 2 covers mentorship as well..older women to train and mentor younger women...and im very thankful to God for bringing 2 mentees into my life..the journey is really rewarding and fruitful..and i thank God for bringing a mentor into my life as well..my spiritual mother..well..some of the things she said may not be the things i wanted to hear, but they are what i need to hear..which im really thankful for.. =)
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these whole month is the children's sch hols..which is taking quite a toll on me..thank God for reminding me..in the midst of all the distractions, parents unreasonable demands, children's tantrums, etc..Im reminded to enjoy and take delight in my children..becos they wun be young for long..they wun be P1s and P2s for long..thank God for the renewed passion!!working with children can be both exhilarating and exasperating..however, it is really a gd training ground for me..to prepare for the future, and to learn to enjoy the children now..not long after, they wld be P4 or P5 alrdy..they grow up so fast!!haha..actually how i wish they can remain like this forever..haha..so cute lah..LOL!if i cant tahan for just a few yrs now, how can i tahan my future children??it will be a lifetime responsibility!!but then again, God grace is sufficient.. =)
ok..i know long post..see you guys again!! =)
"No job on earth takes more physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual strength than being a good wife and mother. If a woman is looking for the easy life, she might try teaching tennis, cutting diamonds, or joining a roller derby team. There is nothing easy about good mothering. It can be back breaking, heart wrenching and anxiety producing. And that's just the morning."
- Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney
Super random, super long-awaited post..
11:56 PM
10/5
HAPPY MUMMY'S DAY to all mummys out there!! =) hope all of you had a wonderful day!!
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ok..i know i din blog for a very long time, i smell mould growing on this blog, etc etc....haha!!well..this is not going to be a long post..just feel like blogging so here i am!!haha!
recently, i did not spend much time in prayer..which i tot cld be the reason why im having alot of super unhealthy tots in my mind..which ends up in confusion, doubts, etc..indeed, our mind is a battlefield..i did not commit and surrender these unhealthy tots to God..therefore i more i entertained these tots, the more confuse and disillusion i am..this reminded me of the account in Genesis..of how Eve started to entertain and talked to the serpent, which caused her to doubt God's goodness, which in the end, very sadly, as you all know, she took the Forbidden Fruit..i think this is a very gd lesson to remind me to always commit my tot life to God.. =)
this coming 3 mths will be quite siong for me..sch hols,leaders retreat, staff training, heart of worship sunday, etc...wooooo...LOL..God grant me the strength!!
and i miss cooking and baking!!!due to my quite pack schedule, i din cook for 2 weeks, and i din bake for more than 1 week le!!oh man!!thats quite long for me!!haha!!hands itching!!
and something really random..it has been a super long time ever since i last held a baby in my hand!!haha!!my neighbour just gave birth slightly more than 1 mth and i haven got a chance to carry the baby boy!!i hope i can gte to see weiping's daughter soon!!so that i can carry her!!muahahahaha!!
wah man..this motivates me to blog..
2:50 AM
3/5/09wah man..this is scary..blogspot THREATEN to delete my blog if i dun update it..wah seh..win liao..this is enuff to push me to blog..haha!!
so long din blog..dunno where to start sia..LOL..give me a few days to think it thru k..haha!!
Jeremiah 29:11..
12:55 AM
3/1/09blessed new yr everybody!!first post of the year!!yeah!!
hmm..these few days i was wrestling with God..during reachlight service ytd, God revealed the idols in my heart..idols may not eb a person..it maybe getting approval from ppl, popularity,etc..God revealed whats mine..thank God for examining my heart..really..
ytd, i commit that idol into his hands, and i asked God to strip off any idols that are in my life..it means going thru onion-peeling time, going thru schs of hard knocks, etc..i wld rather pay the cost of following Jesus than to pay the cost of not following Him cos the price of the latter is so much greater if we view it with the eternal perspective..times when i fall, but God's grace will always sustain..
and today, God spoke again(not literally)!i was reading some christian articles online, and God further convicted me that whatever happens, His plan will always prosper us, plans to give me hope and future.. (Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.)..things may not turn out to be the way i want it to be, but since God allows something to happen, definitely He has a purpose for it even though i may not see it now..and the quest now is, since i know that His plans will not harm me, it make total sense to trust Him..and this afternoon, i thank God for this simple yet profound truth..i commit my desires and prayers to God..immediately, the peace of God came upon me..this peace guards my heart and mind..which i really need now.. (Philippians 4:6-7 - Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.)
God did not promise that life wld be a bed of roses for christians, but he did promise that He will never leave nor forsake us(Hebrews 13:5b - "Never will I leave you;never will I forsake you."), and that He loves us with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31:3 - The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.)..A loving God who is faithful even when im faithless..A God who knows me even before i was borned..and He formed me in my mother's womb(Psalms 139:13 - For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.)!!
what a great start with the Lord for year 2009!!im super excited with what the Lord has planned for me in 2009!!im working out my priorities now, so as to decide my resolutions, then action steps..will post them up soon!
just some random things to say!!i love my P1s!!they are so cute!!and i love babies!!esp chubby ones!! *heart melt*
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2:07 AM
19/12been long ever since i last updated..well..alot of things to say and blog abt..but i dunno where to start..haha..erm..i hope it is not PMS that is at work now..i seriously hope that it is not.. =)
you guys know the Serenity Prayer?Here it goes..
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him.
Forever in the next.
Amen.
Pls do whisper a prayer for me if you are free..thank you very much!!
something random..
i miss my dear girl and my little princesses super super very much now!!tmr cant mit tzehui cos i have camp flag making session and she has her ah gong bday dinner..wah man!!even my sister told me that she misses tzehui lah!!LOL!!tmr wun see my princesses cos they dun come on saturdays..SIGH!!evening mtg cousins though!!for gim gim dance performance!! =) but i still miss tzehui, yixi and jun ning!! =(