I was walking the beagles last Saturday, listening to an audiobook on my iPhone and enjoying the afternoon. Up pulls a neighbor who is a member of the LDS church. She stopped to tell me that the son of another member got his mission call. We chatted for a moment, and then I asked her to please let me know when he was having his farewell, ending with the comment that I would be willing to go to church for that.
Big mistake. She immediately began telling me that I should be going to church anyway and ya da ya da ya da. And I don't go because I'm bitter, ya da ya da ya da. Now putting this in context, she is a good person. I'd like to say nice, but even she would agree that that would not be accurate. She is, well, opinionated to say the least. But I like that about her. I think it's one of her finest qualities although many would probably differ on this point.
Back to our story. I politely listened and tried to move on. See I've moved from lifelong skeptic, to agnostic to atheist. I do not share this with many of my LDS friends, because I do not consider myself an angry or aggressive atheist. I simply choose to base my life on inquiry and reason, and I do not believe there is a god for the same reason I do not believe there is an Easter Bunny - there is a lack of evidence and verifiable basis for concluding there is. Wanting something to be true, even needing it to be true does not make it so. And, setting aside tradition and indoctrination, I choose not to base my life on the supernatural. I'm not particularly hostile to LDS theology except to the extent that it asserts that it is the "one" truth. But even then, many other faiths make the same assertion. Just ask a good, believing Catholic or Muslim.
I do, however, understand the comfort that religion, with its rituals and assertion of purpose to life, brings to many people. I would neither seek to take that away nor criticize those who adhere to its tenants. And, with the exception of the homophobic nature of its teachings, and the related damage, the LDS church seems to offer a reasonable blend of practical, live-a-good-life structure and family emphasis.
It is this respect that keeps me generally from telling my LDS acquaintances about my atheism. I'm not looking to convert. But when one of them will not leave the "you should come to church alone" I really have no choice. I had a friend who left the church before I did. He finally just told his parents that he was done, instead of coming up with constant excuses when he visited about how he forgot his church clothes, etc. So I know I'm not alone in this.
I find it highly offensive, in fact I rather loathe, being told that I "really know it's true", that I'm "just bitter" and that I will be back someday. I understand how the thinking goes. The explanation for everyone who ever leaves the LDS church, or I suspect most other religions, is that they were (A) led away by satan, or (B) sinned and "kicked against the pricks" (an all time favorite expression of mine) and can no longer "feel the truth." It's pointless to explain that I have doubted all my life, that even at the age of 11 when I was being shown the Joseph Smith Story I thought to myself "yeah right, this makes no sense." Because to concede that I am taking a reasonable position would be to concede that the LDS church just might not be what it says it is. And that is simply a bridge too far for most.
For most LDS folks, simply studying the religion, and even the entire idea of god, and finding it wanting in reality is incomprehensible. I have come to the conclusion, however, that the louder the protests and the vigor with which one is belittled for rejecting the theology and the concept of god, the more hidden, underlying doubt exists. Ironically, my favorite LDS person to talk to about this subject is the stake president. He's a very good man, who has a quiet confidence in his faith. He told me once that he had a former bishop come in and review the questionable history of the church and Joseph Smith, and the basic lack of logic and evidence for the stories in the Book of Mormon. After listening carefully, he basically told him "I see your point, and I don't really have an answer for you, except that I have my faith". No argument. No how can you speak evil of the prophet. Just a secure belief that didn't need to prove itself. Now THAT I respect. He in turn has always respected me, and continues to be a friend.
I know my neighbor means well. She really does. Beneath the gruff, just the facts ma'am exterior lies a real concern for my well being. And I appreciate it to that extent. However, I would prefer that she and others like her respect that I have carefully considered the LDS church and the concept of god, and have come to a different conclusion.
Is that asking too much?
