Once there were two teenage boys. They were LDS from long-established Mormon lineage. They were friends. Even very good friends for some time. They were part of a large group of LDS friends who went to seminary, school and otherwise spent much of their time together. One was a couple of years older than the other. But this was OK because the Mormon group ranged from freshmen to seniors. That was one of the great things about it - the lowliest freshman had a handful of senior friends, and the senior LDS kids didn't look down on the freshmen.
The two boys came from remarkably similar backgrounds. Middle class families. Parents around the same age. Go to work dads, stay at home moms, with marriages that, in retrospect, were good but infinitely more complicated than either would have supposed in their youth. Each had a few siblings. Not huge families, but a number safely within the lower range of LDS respectable. Both even had fathers who worked for the United States Air Force - one as a commissioned officer and one as a civilian. Each became an Eagle Scout. They spent many good times together like camping trips and a 3 week stake-sponsored Eagle Scout trip (back when such things were permitted) to Philmont Scout Ranch.
Now the stories begin to diverge. Older Friend went on a mission. He became an assistant to the president. Returned home, married into a prominent local LDS family and graduated from BYU with a business degree. Came back to his hometown. Joined his wife's family business. Worked his tail off proving (accurately) that he wasn't just the stereotypical son-in-law ne'er do well hire. Helped expand a successful business into something even more. Had some kids. Became a bishop. Became a stake president. Became a mission president. All before 40. Today he was called as an area authority seventy.
The sun doesn't shine on the same dog's ass every day, and Older Friend has seen his share of troubles and sadness to be sure. But in every reasonable way, he has lived and continues to live the storybook LDS life. He personifies the very best of the culture. Hard working, loyal, kind, helpful. Excellent father, good brother and son, faithful husband. Material success - exceptional helpings of this - yet not showy or arrogant in any way. Beautiful children. Beautiful wife. Beautiful life.
For Younger Friend, well, life just didn't work out so swell. He went on a mission. Came home with six months to go - so close to finishing but just didn't have it in him. No confidence in his religion or himself. Felt all wrong as a missionary, although he made more than a few friends, and certainly didn't regret the experience. Oh, and he realized he was gay. Spent years pretending to date and parrying the increasing questions about why he wasn't marrying. Graduated from college. Went to law school. Graduated from that. Became a lawyer, then a partner in his law firm. Bought a home and a few cars. Looked pretty successful from the outside with a future that appeared even brighter.
Well liked at church - mostly anyway. But still, there was that nagging lack of marriage. The subject of some talk no doubt. But he was lucky enough to be in a ward with lots of strange people so there was a live-and-let-live attitude for the most part. And Younger Friend was pretty gregarious - some might even say a bit charming when he tried. Put up a good act.
Then it all fell apart for the younger friend. Made big mistakes. Caused not a little harm. Cost him practically everything for which he had worked so hard. No longer practiced law. Disfellowshipped from the flock. Became a pariah. Ended up about as low as a person can go. But on the bright side, he finally accepted that he did not believe in his religion, or in any religion or in god. And he accepted that he was gay. He became a more authentic person, if no longer a respected one. He found out who his real friends were too. The ones who would stick with him when it was no longer convenient. Not everyone gets to really know that, so he did count himself lucky in that regard. He even started a blog so he could express his thoughts, if only to himself (judging by the readership!).
How is it that these two friends who started with such similarities have now ended up in such different places? Older Friend is, no doubt, a better person who has worked harder. He certainly hasn't left the trail of broken hearts, disappointments and tears that Younger Friend has. But that doesn't completely explain it. No small part of it must be attributable to the vagaries of life. To chance, as it were. As House would say, people don't get what they deserve, the just get what they get. So often that's true.
It's worth saying that Older Friend was there for Younger Friend when it would have been easy to not be. No one would have thought the less of him if he had walked away politely - or even not so politely. But he stuck it out and supported Younger Friend, even though by nature Older Friend wasn't really a "let's stay in touch" kind of guy. He went way above and beyond the call. Which is why Older Friend will be an excellent addition to the Church's upper leadership ranks. Younger Friend is confident that Older Friend's path will not end at area authority seventy. No, Older Friend is destined for bigger things.
So, that's where they are today. Older Friend and Younger Friend see each other only occasionally now. Older friend still cares but is busy with life. And although Older Friend denies it, Younger Friend thinks that Younger Friend's agnosticism (bordering on atheism - but he's still to much of a chicken to fully commit) troubles Older Friend and makes it somewhat difficult for Older Friend to talk to Younger Friend. But Younger Friend still feels friendship, even love, from Older Friend and is sure Older Friend will be sad when the end of Younger Friend's days arrive. Younger Friend is fortunate to count Older Friend among his good friends.
Life is funny. And perplexing. And random in so many ways. To the extent he even thought of it as a child, Younger Friend expected his life to more or less be what Older Friend's is today. Instead, he is left with a lonely contentment and a determination to live life so long as it offers adequate rewards. But Younger Friend has no great confidence that those rewards will be sufficient to lead to a long life. Older Friend on the other hand will, and should, no doubt live a life of pork chops and applesauce surrounded by his wife, his children and his childrens' children. Older Friend will get what he gets which is looking pretty good, but in this instance it's also what he deserves.
And Younger Friend couldn't be happier for him.
