My First Lent

Decided to attempt to observe Lent for the next 40 days leading up to Easter. Not quite sure what 'Ash Wednesday' means all this while, actually since secondary school days. But this post by someone who also just observed her first Ash Wednesday just made my hair stand because it now makes sense to me -

"Though I am dust, Jesus died for me.

Because I am dust, Jesus died for me."

Thanks to BT, I'm gonna try to go on this 40-day Journey with the Lenten devotional by The Vine Church. Today's devotion is on overcoming temptation. Hmm. Very real... very challenging. What is temptation if it weren't attractive? And does obedience count without sacrifice? At the bottom of it all, God desires obedience more than sacrifice because His ways are higher than mine and obedience seeks to protect myself, not a perverse coercion to be enslaved to Him.

Kids are Mirrors

While it has often been said that kids bring out the best sacrificial side of women, I think they are little mirrors that God places in our lives to show us what we are lacking too. Whenever I try to 'teach' my nephew/nieces about life in general, I find that I often catch myself saying just politically correct stuff that I know I ought to do but am lacking in. Sometimes it feels like a feeble attempt, bordering on hypocrisy even... making use of their naivety, which will eventually pass its shelf life.

For instance, when I try to tell them "you must love your sibling", & I'm reminded how pissed off I am with mine. Or, a recent example -- "I don't believe if you put your heart into doing something (study), you will not succeed", and I'm reminded of how much I'm not praying for His kingdom come and will be done.

Oh, but they boost my ego, too. Like telling me I'm not fat.... Then asking if I've been to London --- the weight mgt slimming centre. -_-" And praying for me....to have a good husband 'cos she doesn't understand why I don't have a bf. I don't have an answer either. Ha!

They definitely are placed in my life for a reason... or probably more. I just need to rub the glass and see the gems in them, and in me. :]

Lost Countenance

Today, I saw on others a look that has left my face;
And it brought about a bittersweet feeling
Alongside a strange familiarity.

Perhaps one day, I will once again feel and remember
With anew fondness and anticipation
Of its visitation and temporary permanence.

Melancholied Be Thy Name


A song and some poems by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.




Nature

As a fond mother, when the day is o'er,
Leads by the hand her little child to bed,
Half willing, half reluctant to be led,
And leave his broken playthings on the floor,
Still gazing at them through the open door,
Nor wholly reassured and comforted
By promises of others in their stead,
Which, though more splendid, may not please him more;
So Nature deals with us, and takes away
Our playthings one by one, and by the hand
Leads us to rest so gently, that we go
Scarce knowing if we wish to go or stay,
Being too full of sleep to understand
How far the unknown transcends the what we know.


A Psalm of Life

Tell me not, in mournful numbers,
Life is but an empty dream! ?
For the soul is dead that slumbers,
And things are not what they seem.

Life is real! Life is earnest!
And the grave is not its goal;
Dust thou art, to dust returnest,
Was not spoken of the soul.

Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,
Is our destined end or way;
But to act, that each to-morrow
Find us farther than to-day.

Art is long, and Time is fleeting,
And our hearts, though stout and brave,
Still, like muffled drums, are beating
Funeral marches to the grave.

In the world's broad field of battle,
In the bivouac of Life,
Be not like dumb, driven cattle!
Be a hero in the strife!

Trust no Future, howe'er pleasant!
Let the dead Past bury its dead!
Act,--act in the living Present!
Heart within, and God o'erhead!

Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime,
And, departing, leave behind us
Footprints on the sands of time;

Footprints, that perhaps another,
Sailing o'er life's solemn main,
A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,
Seeing, shall take heart again.

Let us, then, be up and doing,
With a heart for any fate;
Still achieving, still pursuing,
Learn to labor and to wait.

Thank You.. and You... and You.

Woah. I'm overwhelmed by the love of friends who took on my 'Birthday Project' below. A really BIG 'THANK YOU' to all of you who have taken the effort to read my post and follow up with an action to bless someone else in need! I'm really touched and glad that you guys shared that joy with me. :)

Here's the list of blessings magnified, in no particular order (pseudonyms are used to protect the identity of the giver so as to not let the right pocket know what the left pocket did -- hope YOU can identify yourself!):

1. One-who-always-impresses-me: Thank you for giving to a missionary and being a part in expanding God's kingdom!

2. Penguin: Thank you for blessing Japan and giving me a tee-shirt. I love the zi-char brown box packaging! Guys, do check out Zoholand ('做好人' in Hokkien!) here!

3. Fried Egg, Babelicious Lily, Memory Queen and Sunrise Lover: Thank you for giving to the caretakers of my tort. 'G6' is grateful, I know!

4. XXX-the-'Amazing': Thank you for giving to your Myanmerese friend!

5. BG4: Thank you for blessing the seniors with foodstuff! Touched by your efforts in purchasing and lugging all those bags of groceries!

6. ABF: Thank you for blessing the missionary family and continuing to sow seeds even after you have left that field (for now!).

7. Playmate galfren: Thank you for the colourful pens on top of an NGO/missionary that you're gonna bless!


{To be continued...}

The rest of you whom I've not yet listed, please gimme a buzz! Would love to jot your kind deed down and recall years later. In fact, I feel so good doing this that I think I will continue with something like this again next year! :) Yeah!

The Big 3 'O'


This time, it feels different from a decade ago when I graduated from teenagehood into the small 2-0. I think back then, it was just a childish lament of not being "something-teen years old" anymore, and dreading the impending boring work-life of adulthood. There were probably more uncertainties in terms of where I'd be working, when I can afford my first car, the places I'd go and the people I'd meet after graduation. Time seemed unlimited, in a way.

And now, 10 years have passed. I love my job, and enjoyed (most) the past ones. But things didn't exactly turn out the way I'd have liked. But hey, God knows the best for us. :) I won't say I'm jaded, no; just less naive and calmer, perhaps. I am still rather easily awed at God's creation in nature, and feel like I can 'hear' God better now... having more conversations with Him as I go along (still learning and hopefully a long way ahead, ha!). I think I'm also more aware of the reality that appearances often don't count for much, and try to be more forgiving or gracious towards people.

Still don't have that car, house, golden retriever nor partner (...yet! Ha!), but humbled at the numerous opportunities to see that I really don't need all these. (Ok, travelling is one thing that I pray God will continue to provide! :P)

If I have to sum up my 20s in 3 words, I think I'd choose:
1. Grateful - For good and faithful friends, salvation of my beloved Ah Ma, opportunities at work and now, school!

2. Clarity - Surer of what I'd like to do for a job and slightly clearer of what will bring me satisfaction (but not without internal struggles of wishing I'm better paid...! Ha).

3. Painful - Honestly, can't give thanks for the broken heart, but I can give thanks to God for His faithfulness to bring me through one of the darkest periods of my life and providence of great friends who walked with me - which leads back to point 1! :)

So, now that the BIG 3-0 is coming up and I've to say bye to my 20s, I thought of doing something different to celebrate my coming of "age" (ha-ha!).

For friends who'd like to celebrate for me, instead of buying me presents or dinners, I'd like to suggest the option of passing that blessing forward to someone else in need. It could be a donation to a not-for-profit organisation such as these with causes close to my heart:
(a) ACRES (a safe haven for one of my ex-pets)
(b) Maiti Nepal (meaning 'My Mother's Home', a rescue org against sex slavery and human trafficking)
(c) YongEn Care Centre (also a daycare centre for dementia patients).

You can give to a missionary whom you have a burden for, or a more challenging and meaningful task would be to catch up with a long-lost friend (or someone you feel like you should speak with but never got round to doing it) over coffee or a meal and bless that person with an encouragement/prayer (Facebook chat doesn't count!).

Well, it doesn't end there! I'd love to then treat you to a coffee/ice-cream/cake/hawker centre meal (wahahha) and hear your story. =)

Game? We gotta get out of our comfort zone once in a while to reach greater heights! ;)

And for now, happy last-month-of-being-29 to me. :D

Afternote: The big crossover takes place on 22 Aug. Ha!

The Sound of Silence


Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone
'Neath the halo of a street lamp
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more
People talking without speaking
People hearing without listening
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence

"Fools", said I, "You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows
Hear my words that I might teach you
Take my arms that I might reach you"
But my words, like silent raindrops fell
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made
And the sign flashed out its warning
In the words that it was forming
And the sign said, "The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls"
And whispered in the sounds of silence

Last but not final: Trio of Blessings

Took a while for Day Seven, but here it goes!

1. Just got email from big boss complimenting the team for a paper well-constructed and written! We'd thought we weren't smart enough for it... Thank God!

2. My niece just asked if she finishes her homework by Sat, can they come to church with me... Woah!! God, please continue to work in these little hearts...

3. Tutored Nic without losing my cool :P I can deal better with older kids, I think. Even better if oldies, perhaps.. Haha.

:D