It's crazy how fast time flies and how slow it moves when you are waiting for something / someone.
Feb to Mar was a beautiful and challenging experience.

Things I did and saw:
-celebrated our first V-day! how cheesy I am, but we did have a really lovely dinner as a kind of formality
-went up to Snoqualmie Mountain to snowboard on my 30th birthday
-watched Hundred Waters for $3 !!
-did a ride-share to Portland with a hairdresser and a vintage wear buyer/seller to watch Young Fathers. did a ride-share back the next day with a strange man named Louie, and found ourselves out in Des Moines
-had a meeting with a most amazing designer named Suk, who later mentored me for my label's start-up
-had coffee with Ruth, a designer that Kim introduced to me
-visited Seattle Design Incubator down in Renton
-decided to register a company and start a business in Seattle
-went to Seattle Small Business Administration to learn more about business planning
-participated at the Seattle Makers' Market and sold some art prints
-went jogging around Greenlake; it was the first time I jogged since I was 18?
-took a bus from Seattle to Vancouver
-took a train from Vancouver to Toronto and experienced a most amazing landscape travel sight
-took a bus from Toronto to NYC
-visited my sister, Gabriel and the boys
-celebrated baby O's 3rd birthday
-visited fabric suppliers in NYC
-played tennis at the mid-town club with G and his friends
-took a bus from NYC to Pittsburg
-watched G run the Pittsburg!
-took a train from Pittsburg to Chicago where I tried foie gras for the first time
-took a train from Chicago back to Seattle and moved into Capitol Hill apartment!
-Goodwill shopping!
-visited a few office locations and found Inscape
-met up with a really sweet sample-maker whom I'm really keen to work with

Back to Singapore, and now recalling all that I have done in Seattle, I can't wait to continue the journey.

It's time to clear my head, clear the voices, and just do. It's not that I don't appreciate the concerns and opinions and suggestions, but I'm someone who gets so easily swayed by others that I find myself unable to move forward in a productive and constructive manner. I don't just doubt my choices, I question every single little move, I lose my sense of direction almost completely. I need to regain my confidence; I need to recognize ALL the benefits that I have and ALL the things that have led me here and just keep pushing. And even if I fail, at least I would have known that I have given my best. Enough.

In front of you, I've lost confidence in myself and my thoughts and opinions. I've lost my words. I don't know what I might say that might be deemed as completely irrelevant and uninteresting and pointless, and might incite your frustration. I don't have anything meaningful to say. It's all 'me, me, me'. I'm totally wrapped up in my own thoughts, fears, doubts, insecurities, over everything, just everything. I keep trying to pull myself out of it, but every little decision or action that I make causes me to sink back down. It is an extremely terrible and dangerous attitude, and self-indulgent. I've just read in a magazine about the narcissistic self in relationship. You enjoy a relationship because it allows you to feel good about yourself and your place in the world. Either you need to be more patient and forgiving, or you need to move on. It might be better for us not to speak to each other for some time until I get out of this funk. I don't want you to be frustrated, I don't want you to feel like you're wasting time.