I don't feel at ease. My head and heart are all cramped with wandering thoughts and emotions. Twice in my life (only, fortunately), have I really felt like I made regretful decisions. The first was when I let G go in 2012 February. The second was when I asked G if we could postpone the move to February next year, so that I could try out this new job. I don't know how to rectify things. Everyone says to accept it, but I know deep down that I can't (I know I will, eventually), I don't want to.

I am drawn to the quiet and the emptiness; of soft, grainy colors melting and dissolving into each other. And perhaps if you should peel away the surface, weird, fantastical, nasty things might fly out.

To be a conscious designer, and to work with belief and integrity. That's what I was taught, and that's what I am not doing right now. What I'm doing right now is, shit, I've got myself into this weird time constraint and the money is pretty helpful, should I just hang around for a little while more then?