for nearly 4 years, i kept up with a virtual relationship. a lovely fantasy, this man, more real than any other relationships. our conversations are documented on social mediums - facebook, gmail, whatsapp - i could print them out and that would form the entity of my quest for love. itineraries, lewd messages and video chats, intellectual discussions, not-so-intellectual discussions, random pictures, articles and music, many take-cares and have-a-good-days and thanks, and thanks, and thanks - and that's our world - a shared history mediated and recorded -

i don't know how much longer i can keep it up; my heart is breaking and i can't feel you

my vision has shrunk. i've become timid and close-minded. that needs to change. you have to ask yourself: what is there to lose?

Seattle

my sweet, beautiful g. all warmth, honesty, frustration, distance, vacant stares, kisses and desires.

Seattle 20 Feb - 28 Feb

20 Feb: arrived early morning to a warm welcome! rest in the afternoon, pizza for dinner, couch-time in the evening

21 Feb: tacos at Capitol hill, watched a play : Sam Shepard's God of Hell

22 Feb: made salmon steak for dinner

23 Feb: walked around Capitol Hill, dinners at Odd Fellows, went up the Seattle Great Wheel, watched Eraser Head

24 Feb: Pike St Fish Fry, quick run through of Ballard, made chicken salad for dinner, watched Tarkovsky's The Sacrifice

25 Feb: walked around Capitol hill, made tacos, watched Bergman's Persona

26 Feb: Bainbridge, SAM, Seattle dogs, Jet City Improv + Astronomy on Tap, watched Fellini's Night of Cabiria

27 Feb: Asian Art Museum, Vashon Island for nothing but a quick Mexican meal at the dock, Freemont, La Roux dinner (what a feast!)

28 Feb: G ran down to collect my gift and croissants before sending me off