dreams and the everyday flow and intersect into murky muddles

telling myself every day to stay patient, stay calm, be still, something will happen (has to happen). i find it extremely difficult to deal with these passing days; i am anxious, nervous, happy, busy, free, confused; a cacophony of noises, a withdrawn silence; time passes so quickly yet so slowly, it's impossible to make any kind of decision, impossible to order my head and my heart

The Wandering Zoo

to be honest, our relationship is partly based on fantasy/memory. through these 2 years, i've never stopped thinking about us, and i believe he too. but more than that, the commitment is as real as any other relationship. it takes a LOT for two people to not see each other for a whole year, and still want to share some time each day, every day, for chats and video calls. at the end of each call, there is always a sense of loneliness, empty hands, empty lips, empty space. sometimes it gets so boring and mundane, and sometimes it all feels so pointless and insecurities arise, but still we persist, and still we make plans to meet.

i might be completely wrong, and then so be it (what can I say after all?) but i doubt it.