the bond, once tight, close, vanishes into futile abstract daydreams.

earnestly waiting. i keep hoping. i'm sad. the minutes melt into days. days pass into months. time consumes and erases everything. the past fades into the present. every once in a while, your cold strong shoulder shadows its way into my mind, and into the distance.

perhaps i haven't learnt to trust myself, to claim responsibility for my decisions, to stand by my actions with full confidence but i know i have good intuition and an instinctive feel for certain things. i know. not always, but often enough. i just don't know how to balance it with the opinions of others. i am so easily swayed, i compromise to the point where i lose sight of what it was that i believed in first. i am muddled because i get affected by what others say. but i want to know what others say because i'm insecure in what i believe in. i need affirmation - but i know enough - i am convinced i do. if i never told anyone close to me about anything, i wouldn't have this much doubt.