after the break-up, he took an interest in drinking, baileys, specifically. i couldn't watch him think that he was falling apart. i wondered if that whole melancholia was due to the feeling of a break-up, a cinematic approach, an intellectualization of romance, "the center cannot hold", so on and so forth. i watched him moody and silent, writing unsent letters on paper napkins, a cafe named proust, a longing for time past, unwind, rewind. what's that all about? he played radiohead, plucking the guitar, shouting empty sounds, until he had no breath left. as if that would help. but i do that all the time too - for no particular reason - except to make myself feel something. like that would change the ambience, the mis-en-scene, the show i never had.

2011

new year's eve has been quite an experience. firstly, i got locked out upon arriving home at 7am (we installed an extra lock and the key hadnt arrived yet), so i had to drag my sorry feet around town until the key arrived (thankfully). the worst part of it was that i was having a really bad tummy ache and needed the toilet desperately. tummy ache and a loss of appetite took over the rest of the day.

now the key highlight of this day must be the fireworks. i have never felt THIS close to fireworks before. i don't get why people start setting them off in the day because you don't see anything. but anyhow, i have been enduring it the entire day - happy new year - i can feel the sky literally exploding, colors flashing through my living room, the streets shrouded in smoke - i'm speechless! so this is how it is to live IN the city, with people setting off fireworks at every possible corner. i thought i was safe by staying indoors. it's insane. (i'm actually slightly terrified and annoyed by it)

er...happy 2011?