i'm unbelievably awake at 429! i can only say that the past few months have been nothing short of hectic, chaotic, and surprising. i just sent a really long email to adolfo...crazy singaporean-chilean exchanges. and the more i wrote, the more i wanted to write, which led me to this. july has been a really stressful and frustrating month. i ran into a lot of administration problems (what's new?) which i know are beyond my control, but i can't stand the feeling of not knowing how to deal with things methodically. and i couldn't organise my life properly which made me even more crazy. i also got rejected for the design council scholarship so i couldn't help relieve some of dad's financial burdens. then i played a bad joke on myself. let's say, i was brought out of my space-cadet world for a while and i felt human, in touch, and connected to this world. a different and new side of me emerged, which left a few friends speechless at the mahjong table. but let's also say that, i was happy and in despair at the same time. out of sorts. completely. but if everything is a matter of perception, then we know that everything is fleeting and fading except your self, a living being, the fact that you can still think, and can therefore make room for better things to come.

After dark, I am a nervous wreck. With spare time on hand, I find myself thinking: Will he? Will he not? Can it be? It cannot be. It cannot be. I play with the pen and paper. I shuffle my feet back and forth. I see that it is time to tidy my room. I fiddle with the random objects. This is not a pipe. This is not a painting. Painting is idiocy. My hands must move. I need order in my life. So I pick up the needle from where I left off. Knit, knit, purl, purl, and cross over. First, 6 times, then, 4 times, and we repeat the motion. Knit, knit, purl, purl, and cross over. My mind does not move forward as the needles do. My head is a mess of emotions, a little dance, it tumbles and spins and bruises. Tonight, tonight, I return to what I’ve always loved and will always love. I know my imagination stretches beyond the stale air; it is ever faithful; the images are vivid and concrete and I can see clearly again.

blackout was super! My brother is incredible - to be able to organize and curate such a major art event in Singapore. The amount of work put into it is insane. And I thank him for pushing me to design and sell t-bags at the event because otherwise I would never have known that I could actually sell my work (and sold out still). Hopefully everyone who went enjoyed themselves in spite of the heat.

Something like a conclusion

I've finally graduated from NUS - for real this time! I know I was very unhappy last year when I failed the Antwerp entrance exam, and had to bow my head down and return back to NUS, as if moving back to point zero. But I guess things worked out for the best. Simply put, honors year was super fun. One, I got to write my ISM (which in better terms, can be called a mini thesis) under the supervision of Dr Stone, who rocks. Two, I made a lot more friends than I expected. Without them, NUS would have been a complete bore, which is basically how I felt uni life was during the first 3 years. So anyway, I'm glad I did the honors year and I'm glad that I stuck to studying lit because as useless as the degree is, the lessons learnt aren't.
And now moving on: AMFI! I'm still worried about my visa, and the scholarship and money issues, and I must sound very paranoid, but I still wonder if I'm really going to make it there and make it then.