Thursday, April 30, 2009
about moing houses, i read my friend's blog and found out that she's moving down to KL from Penang. the frustration she had, the uncertainties about life in KL and etc. she has all this while been living in Penang, from the very first day she left kelantan. it's amusing to find how she finds the idea of leaving behind Penang and starting a new life in KL.
oh boy. i still remember my very first time when i left for KL to study. Then from KL, i moved down to seremban. yeah, i agreed that it was a pain in the ass to have moved those boxes with piles of junks that i myself not sure would be useful.
but somehow i managed to sail through my 2 years in Seremban, and have come to know a bit more about the town, where to get food, where to shop, where to..until i need to move a bit further down the south to BP.
and again, it was a bit tiring and frustrating to pack stuffs, throw unnecessary stuffs, give away things which i dont need it, and etc. etc. etc. the stress of packing and unpacking were not too overwhelming, i guess i somehow have got good housemates that did most of the planning, and i just have to pack my own stuffs while they figured it out how to ship the junks from Seremban to BP.
and. 3 months down the road..it's almost time to pack stuffs again..
where should i go after this?
i have somehow made up my mind.
but more important is to..
go for the formidable exam first.
thanks you my housemates for the great and the bad days=)
i do appreciate it a lot.
cheers=)
Y10:53 PM
Saturday, April 25, 2009
this week i had seen a friend who made so much effort in making a friend's birthday party a merry one. the end results were a good one. maybe i will want to make one for my dear friend. maybe i would want a small gathering with only some good friends around, 4-5 would be enough.
i had also seen a girl who had grown to be so much independent now.sometimes when people are being cruel to us, they are giving us chance to grow up, to stand on our own feet, and i feel proud for her.
i had also seen an uncle who was fighting on a ventilator, and the family members were supporting each others. the wife told me she felt very sad, and i told her i knew.
i had known that feeling.
it was like, you had cried until the tears dried up, and what was left, only the scream which was mute.
it was like, you felt so tired, yet the mind refused to rest, and you slept in between the awakenings until you woke up the next morning, what you did was kneeling in front of a buddha statue, praying for your dear one, trying to finish off with what you wished, but it took so long, coz you were sobbing in between.
it was like, you were waiting outside the operation theater, you and your sister took turn to chant for your dear one inside, what was initially a loud one, but became a whispering because you were so drained out, yet not chanting, it made you feel insecure.
it was like, when the doctor said the operation had ended well, while waiting outside to receive your dear one, you felt the sudden rush of adrenaline, you were scared to know you might not recognise your dear one coz he might need a good shave.
and to whisper in his ear while your dear one was deep in his sleep. your mum said, must tell him the operation had ended, he could rest now after a long fight.
looking at those family members, it reminded me of my father and my family.
we were like them, and there were lots of flashback, all came back at once.
i am doing fine, i am just doing what Morris said. indulge in this feeling until i think it's enough to get detached.
by writing it out, i am feeling much better.
there's nothing too worrying about me. this is just a feeling of vulnerability that strikes me once in a blue moon, like how someone catches a cold, it will soon recover, until another one comes. in between each, i am leading a happy life, knowing that my dad is doing well, and my sisters, brother and my mother are seriously superb.
thanks for making me study at peace.
=)
Y9:30 AM
Sunday, April 19, 2009
a setback. a moment of low mood. a meet up with a friend. a chit chat session. a relief in the end.
i will work hard tommrow.
that's life. nothing to be smooth sailing all the time.
a small hiccups along the way, make me stay grounded. and grow stronger. and push me further.
i officially announce that i am taking up the challenge.
watch me=)
Do your best to stay detached, when things do not proceed as intended and desired. Detachment will help you stay calm and control your moods and reactions. Detachment is not indifference. It is the acceptance of the good and the bad and staying balanced. Detachment has much to do with inner peace, and inner peace is conductive to happiness..ganbatte ann ^_^
Y6:12 AM
my housemate had been organizing a birthday party for a friend, and it reminds me of myself when i was back in Bukit Jalil. Frantic was the word. i would dance, sing, surprise the birthday boys or girls.. and etc. however, having had come to seremban, i have seemed to lose touch with the tradition, and i cant help thinking that, birthday is just another ordinary day. i am not anymore excited about my own birthday. let alone my friends'.
i guess, that's mainly due to a tight schedule in the system that i hardly have anytime to breathe, to not talk, to not communicate, to just be primitive, and do whatever things that come to my liking. it sometimes scares me that i am way too comfortable living with myself, that i hardly want to go out in the weekends to socialize.
**********
talking about a friend of mine, i have of late had made a distance which i think it's a safe distance. i would mourn about the lost friendship, about the time we had spent, about the conversation we had, about..but despite all these, i still had made my choice. i know it's selfish for me to cut this string of friendship, but to put up on a fake mask, that would do more harm and hurtful to this friend of mine. this friend of mine had not believed in friendship that could last forever, and i used to reassure this friend of mine that some would.
**********
studying has been fun lately and productive. i seem to have found a little bit of things i dropped few years back. i hope it is coming back to me soon, as i so need of it. another friend of mine, has always made a difficult situation turned out to be a test of life, and to always believe that being persistent and perservarance would pay off. i guess i am inspired by this friend of mine.
**********
i guess i am pretty lucky to have met inspiring people along my pursuit of my knowledge in medical field. i have not known if i would go far, or whether i would go more than having MBBS. but somehow, i am inspired by doctors who have done the right thing and shown me the correct path. i remember the most, D.S, D.K, Prof H, and adding to the list, Dr. Lee!
**********
Y6:12 AM
Friday, April 17, 2009
i have of late, noticed that people are searching for their soulmates, some asked where their soulmates are, while some are eyeing one, while some seem to have settled down with the one whom in my observation that they are going to walk down the aisle soon..and i am intrigued to know if this is already the time that everyone is settling down, so i asked this friend of mine, and he agreedly said that yes, it's about the time.
well.there is always something you can learn from, be it from parents, from friends or lovers. there's nothing like i could only learn this from parents or lover..
i have learnt from friendship to family about gaining and losing, receiving and providing. i believe i am a better person even when i have yet to have someone special in my life, to learn about gaining, losing, receiving and providing.
i have learnt not to be analytical and to believe that love should not be compartmentalized, as afterall love is an universal thing, though people love to call it, fatherly's love, motherly's love, sisterly's love, or lover's love..
how different would that love from the rest?
isnt it about gaining, losing, receiving and providing?
i am the once and still a gainer, loser, receiver and provider.
Y11:57 PM
Friday, April 3, 2009
it's not an easy path, yet he survived it.i shall always remember what's been said in the film.
i would work hard on what i have been lacking at.
there's no shortcut to happiness, to success.
only work harder.
probably would promise something in return=)
Y11:05 AM
it's not an easy path, yet he survived it.