struggling

CAUTION...random thought post, in no specific order.


Trying to stop smoking!!! It is a daily almost hourly struggle.
 YES. I have COPD.
NO. there is no reversal of the damage that has been done.

Since early February of this year I have been on predisone14 weeks out of 20...that is "'not" good!
 I now have 2 differnet kind of inhalers used daily, and the breathing treatments that I have to do in order to try to keep my lungs and airways open.....just recently another Dr put me on a daily medication that seems to be helping....will know if it's really working when I go off this last round of predisone...ends tomorrow!

THIS IS NOT ME OR MY LIFESTYLE.  I am so use to just going out, doing things at any time. This has completely changed everything.

The feeling of walking from one room to the next and trying to literally grasp for breath. The heavy crushing,feeling on my chest. The scarey feeling of just sitting and not being able to breathe....the 5 trips to the urgent care and ER, just to get a quick fix, (always after hours, of course) Then I will have a few good days and I think, *yes* the worst is over....only to be knocked down and out again within hours.

I continue to "try" to do normal things when I can, *pushing myself sometimes* just to prove that I won't let this beat me!

With medication, I am now down to 4-8 cigarettes a day....compared to 2 packs a day. (really)!  I would go out and buy extra pack of cigarettes along with the ones Brain brought home for me.
NOW.  Brian leaves me 4 cigarettes a day. and I have not bought any extra packs.  I'm really trying here. BUT... what i really NEED to do is get up one morning and not have any available!!  I KNOW this!!!

This is not a pity post!!  If any of you are smoking, jamey, alicia, dustin,corinne.......
PLEASE STOP!!!!!!!!!!   NOW!!!!!!

Look at Kim....she has completely quit...her attitude, outlook on life is healthier and it shows...

I *NEVER* thought  that I would be "one" of those people....I have too much to look forward to, too many things I still want to accomplish, NOW, there will be "limitations" on the things I do in the future. I have damaged my body beyond repair.....but if any of you QUIT NOW!!! YOU can and will have a fulfilling healthy lifestyle....not to mention the amount of $$$$ saved and the fresh clean smells of being *tobacco free*.

Okay..., random thoughtsput out there.  
Now...just "pray" for all of those who are addicted....maybe GOD WILL SEND THEM A STRONGER *WILL POWER*.     HAPPY DAY EVERYONE!

it's *time* ........

Time.  It goes by so quickly. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1

1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
2 A time to give birth and a time to die;  A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal;  A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to weep and a time to laugh;  A time to mourn and a time to dance.
5 A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;  A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
6 A time to search and a time to give up as lost;  A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;  A time to be silent and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate;  A time for war and a time for peace.

Last June at this time, Jamey, Shel and Eliza had begun a new journey of their life living in South Korea for what they thought would be a 2 year stay. 

AS OF TODAY, they have until july 15th to say goodbye to all of the "FOREVER" friends that they will leave behind.  

Jamey Shel and Eliza WILL SOON BE BACK IN THE STATES!!!!!

A TIME for CELEBRATION!!!

Unfortunately....the reason for their early return is and will be stressful for all of our families.

Into Shel's 20 weeks of pregnacy, she and James found out that their sweet unborn baby, Delia ,will be born with   ...... Anencephaly!!!  

Anencephaly is a defect in the closure of the neural tube during fetal development. The neural tube is a narrow channel that folds and closes between the 3rd and 4th weeks of pregnancy to form the brain and spinal cord of the embryo. Anencephaly occurs when the "cephalic" or head end of the neural tube fails to close, resulting in the absence of a major portion of the brain, skull, and scalp. Infants with this disorder are born without a forebrain (the front part of the brain) and a cerebrum (the thinking and coordinating part of the brain). The remaining brain tissue is often exposed--not covered by bone or skin. A baby born with anencephaly is usually blind, deaf, unconscious, and unable to feel pain. Although some individuals with anencephaly may be born with a rudimentary brain stem, the lack of a functioning cerebrum permanently rules out the possibility of ever gaining consciousness. Reflex actions such as breathing and responses to sound or touch may occur. 

The prognosis for babies born with anencephaly is extremely poor. If the infant is not stillborn, then he or she will usually die within a few hours or days after birth. 

Today I am singing praises to the Military officials that have the heart and compassion to put James and Shels needs and desire to be with families here in the states, for the birth of baby Delia!

I am asking  BEGGING everyone I know to keep James, Shel, Eliza AND Delia in your "daily" prayers!!! And to add them to your prayer lists and your friends prayers lists.

I *believe* God can perform miracles!!!

June Bike Ride with Church Group

 Mike, Verna, Rich, Justin, Dan, Karen, myself and Brian. Matt taking the picture. Pastor Ed wanted to ride along too, but was blessed performing a wedding this day...Next time...:)

Saturday Brian and I went with a small group from our church on a Bike Ride. We met in the church parking lot and headed out to Rockville.

We were going to do some geo-caching along the way, but most of the roads leading to the geo-caches were gravel....not good on/or for bikes. We stopped in Rockville for lunch at the "Thirty-Six Saloon"  *AWESOME* place to stop and eat and Great food and...

 Brian and Matt

Great conversations...Matt shared some of his FUNNY  experiences of being a Detective on the West side.

Mike, Verna, me and Brian   :)    

After lunch, 4 of our group had to head back to Lafayette. The other 5 of us pioneered on.....and this was ouir next stop. The *Neet Bridge*.  There is nothing more awesome than to walk along inside one of these bridges.

We did get to one of the geo-caches, along side a cemetery south of Crawfordsville.  Justin had the ol' eagle eye and spotted it first.  :)

Our next stop was in Bridgeton.

This is where Verna and I took off roaming the little village and where we ran accross this guy carving out a covered bridge using 3 different sizes 

of chain saw.  It was amazing work.

 

 Then on to Raccoon State Park and Lake.... this shot was actually taken way on the other side of the lake...the State Park side was filled with all kind of boats, skiers and fishermen. 

ALSO,   a *BIG THANKYOU* to Verna for sharing all of these pictures!!!  My camera battery had DIED after the first picture of the day!! :(

After this we headed on home, but had to stop at the Lindy Freeze in Linden for Ice Cream.....yummmm!

Brian and Me

PERFECT day for a perfect ride with great friends and beautiful scenery and lots to see for a 6 hour ride.

peripheal vision

How is it that every year I manage to skip over "one" single Christmas decoration...usually it's something small an insignificant....but this year beats all previous years......how can a person (me) miss this......

come on now.....this is over 2 feet tall and was sitting where I had to walk past constantly and can be viewed by 4 different rooms.
I truly "amazed" myself on this one.
Now I'm wondering if I should paint him pink and add spring flowers!!!

*time* and *why*

I need *time*.
Time to collect my thoughts
Time to find myself again.
Time to organize and catch up on things.

Why is January such a depressing month?
Why is it, that everything seems so much more difficult this time of year.
Why am I in the place that I am in right now?

I know I will get pass these feelings. but it happens every year. at this time.
So ready for spring and the rebirth that comes with it.
Although, there are other issues that will linger on....that I have no control over. and then all I can do is wonder. what if.

this is a really depressing post. and not meant for comments. and I'm truly sorry if you are reading it. but I don't keep a journal and if my head was connected correctly I shouldn't even post this....
(head is a little disconnected)

just feeling a little bit lost here. not knowing. why. and when.

everything is right, with *my* family. so no worries there.
just feeling so lost and out of sorts......

this will get better. right. given *time*.

a few days catch up....

Feeling better. Finally went to the doctor.
Blood work. done. all normal.
Chest x-rays. done. still haven't heard about them yet, so I assume, normal there also.
Best news is, they gave me some prednisone and I can finally breathe now without the struggle and hurting, along with my inhaler. Along with an antibiotic.
So all I have been doing is sitting on my bums, (I think they've tripled in size), watching tv and reading my nook. And I have plenty to read after downloading 88 books in one night, not including the 7 downloaded the night before. I think I'm good till spring. Problem is Barnes and Noble keep sending me emails of all the new books that have just hit the stands......so tempting. But I really need to put a stop to downloading for awhile.

This is so unlike me. to just sit around and not be active, doing something.
But, I'm kind of enjoying it. who knew. In other words, nothing else is being accomplished....such as cleaning, painting, etc etc.....Although I keep thinking about it. Problem is when I get up to do something, I walk by the computer and....oh yeah...just for a few minutes...HA.  Been on here for almost 2 hours now....What laundry!!
Good news is there are no dishes, pots or pans...Brian brings home take out.  No guilt there. :)
Seriously though, walking from one room to the next is exhausting. (and this is not a big house).

1-11-11 
Not only a once in a lifetime date in time, but also the 22nd anniversary of my youngest brother's passing. It seems surreal that is has been that long. He was only 26 years old at the time. Driving to work, his truck hit "black ice" and spun out of control....So many memories of those first few months.......

tis the season....colds and flu

YUCKY!!!  
That is how I feel. And it seems to be going around...big time.
Cannot get this fever out of me. Slept last night with 2 extra fleece blankets and 2 extra quilts and still chilled. Going to call the doctor as soon as I take a shower. This is ridiculous!!! The inhaler is not even helping. :(
Life goes on.........    :)

Funny thing happened yesterday. 
I usually, always have a glass of wine before I go to bed.
Night before last, I did not drink all of it, maybe about an inch left. and I didn't use a wine goblet like I normally do, used one of the short, wide pedestal cups. anyway...
Left for town to go pick up peepers from pre-k, so before I left I put the left over glass of wine by the sink, not pouring it out ....in a rush, as always.
 We arrived home and I was making peepers grilled cheese when I noticed the wine was *gone* ....no one else here except the dogs and cats. bird and fish.  So I'm thinking.....one of the cats have developed a taste for wine.
Sure enough....seems that Esme, (the black cat that was not suppose to stay here, but has been here for 2 years now.) had imbibed.
I could tell by the way she was hanging her head and rested all day long.
Never would have thought that wine would be her choice of drinks.
Yep, that was my excitement for yesterday!

a *new* year

starting over.
and hopefully, I will and can keep up this time.

Christmas was wonderful this year.
I feel so very blessed to have such a loving, sweet and thoughtful family.
I must say that I did something right on raising them. :)

 and even though I'm prejudiced, I have the most amazing grandchildren that a grandmother could ever hope for....

and of course I am including little eliza, who is currently living in Korea, while Daddy is stationed there. We miss them so much and it's so hard to only see them through skype and not being able to pick her up and love on her.....

My biggest surprise was when my loving and thoughtful hubby came home from work the other day and gave me my *Nook*.  I was expecting it for my birthday. He is just the best ever. Of course we had to go to town right away, okay, the next day, to get a cover and lite for it.

Now I can read like never before.....I *love* it.
For those of you that have one, I have this great website to get e books from too.  I've already used it and I got a collection of 3 popular books downloaded for only $2.25, for the whole set.... it's great.
Go to ioffer.com and type in ebooks.
Now, I'll never get anything done. :)