"Nobody is ever too busy, if they care they will make time."

Friday, October 17, 20146:26 PM

Time really flies without you ever realising it. I can't believe it's already halfway through my exchange, because it seemed like it was just yesterday where I was still preparing all the paperwork and planning for my trip. But, to be honest, exchange isn't always as fun as people picture it to be. Or maybe, the fact that I'm having a one week fall vacation now while J is going through midterms week isn't helping. With so much time on my hands now, I admit that through out the last couple of days, there has been so many times that I've felt..... sad/frustrated/idk how to phrase my emotions in words, cause he always seemed like he's so busy with school or idk what, that he barely has time for me. I thought that during my fall vacation we could maybe see each other more often than we normally do on sch days since I can always work my time around you, but I guess I was wrong. In fact, I think we see each other less than on normal school days now. And at times like these, I question myself whether I'm being too needy. But then again, I'm sure it doesn't take too much time to just drop a simple text every hour or something, even if he doesn't have time to Skype cause he wants to study in peace, maybe? I don't even know.

Part of the reason why I didn't follow my friends to eastern europe during my fall vacation, financial constraints aside, is also because I know that I can't be there to skype/text you as often as I would like to if I were to be travelling. Knowing that it's your midterms week, I thought it would be good to be readily available every time you need someone to rant to. But I guess it was a unnecessary thought.

And every time he hangs out with his friends or goes on school trips, I do feel quite sian sometimes because I know he probably wouldn't (bother) texting me. And yup, I was right because last night was the case again. I don't know if I'm being too needy or what and it's not that I don't like him to hang out with friends because I do believe in having our individual time and that it's always good to have some distance and not stick to each other like some muah chee. But when I'm out with friends or wtv, I do make it a point to try to text him/ reply his texts whenever I can because I feel that it goes to show that, no matter what I'm doing, I always have him at the back of my mind. And yes, I believe that nobody is ever too busy, if they care they will make time. But maybe each person's love language is just different, which is also the reason why I'm writing all my thoughts here instead of telling all these to J because I don't want to impose anything on him. Making it a point that he must reply me/text me every hour or something along those lines will probably just make things rather stressful/whatever you call it, imo. I've felt like that in the past before, where I find that T sometimes make me feel so stressed in a r/s, and I don't want that to happen for J. I do believe that these kind of things if you feel a need to do it you will do it. You don't need people to tell you so/to impose it on you. It will take me some time to get used to this I guess, because I do believe that he cares, but he expresses it in a different way. And no matter how upset I feel on some days, he somehow always makes it up with a simple, "love you <3", even though he probably didn't know that I wasn't feeling too good/happy. Simple things like these never fails to make my day :)

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The Beauty Of Understanding That Not All Relationships Are Meant To Last Forever

Saturday, March 29, 20147:32 PM

http://elitedaily.com/dating/sex/the-beauty-of-understanding-that-not-all-relationships-are-meant-to-last/

"The lessons people teach us and the hardships they help us navigate are never forgotten. These memories become permanent parts of us and continue to shape who we become."

It's true that, as we move on in life, the people who were once a large part of it at some point in time, no longer become as important as they used to be. Reading this article reminded me of so many people who were once such an important part of my daily life, be it my high school track coach, track training buddies, jc chemistry teacher, jc bball clique and even my primary school clique / bestfriends. At some point of my life, I used to see / hang around with them almost everyday. They were the ones who made school / trainings / everything in life so much more enjoyable. They were also the ones who I would turn to in times of trouble/hardship. They were the ones I fought alongside with. They were the reasons/people I fight so hard for.

"They gave you advice when you needed guidance. They gave you hugs when you felt alone. They gave you unique experiences that defined a stage of your life. The moments you shared meant something — and they still mean something."

While we may no longer be such a large part of each other's life anymore, all the memories we once shared, I still hold dear to them. I think, in some way or another, these memories continue to shape me into who I am today.

Reading this article also reminds me to treasure all the people around me now, because who knows, some day we might drift apart, or simply just move on with life. As much as I don't wish for friendships to drift apart, be it amongst robin or friends in TH, I guess sometimes, these things are inevitable, whether we like it or not. It's just like how JY and I are still in the same school now, and in faculties just right next to each other, but we don't even see/talk to each other much during term time. In the past, she was the one I always hanged out with in school, even though we were in different classes with different timetables/schedules. She was the one I could always so conveniently turn to/confide in whenever I had problems. Yes, I don't deny the fact that training with each other almost every other day makes it easier. But, just when you think that some things won't change, they do. Thinking of which, while going on exchange does seem exciting and so worth looking forward to, part of me is afraid that when everyone comes back, things won't be the same anymore. Maybe everyone will have their own groups of 'SEP friends' and the people that I am so close to today, will turn into just another "hi-bye" friend the next year. It's a thought which I find hard to swallow, maybe because I'm really really bad at making new good friends. I'm someone who won't bother putting in effort maintaining a relationship if I feel that I don't hit off well with you/don't feel 'myself' when I'm around you. But I guess only time will tell if my close biz friends today will continue to be so even after all our exchanges. For now, just cherish everyone around you today and embrace the moments with them:)
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All that aside, one of my hall senior just asked me when I will be resuming jumps training so that I can give him some tips on jumping. And, seeing all the juniors' posts about track nationals that is just around the corner, I really miss those track days in high school and jc:> Honestly, track was the best thing that has ever happened to me. It's true that sports allows you to meet the best of friends, coach included. It just kinda sucks to know that the possibility of me returning to it is low.

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Thursday, March 20, 20147:28 PM

On the 13th of march, I went for my first night run in a long time. The haze was suffocating, but I've never felt more liberated than this. Running used to be an activity I took for granted, and even dreaded when it came to training under the hot 1pm sun after school. That night was the first time I felt so happy to finally be up and running.

Knee/leg update:
Did my biodex test at my last physio session. Hamstring strength had a 40% deviation from my good leg while quads strength is about 20%. And the gym showed me just how accurate the test was. I couldn't even do single leg hamstring curls with the second plate when 3 plates used to be effortless. Burden. Time to work on them hamstring more.

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thank you, you

Wednesday, March 12, 201411:21 PM

I doubt you will ever read this page but, even then, I just hope you know that I'm really really grateful for your help. You didn't have to help me out with my part. You could have just let me stay up till 2am to finish up my part of the slides. But you offered to finish it up for me so I could complete my biz anal and get some rest (cause I looked really tired and I really am).

I was so touched when I saw your text that I didn't know what to say/reply. All I could garner was a simple "ok. thank you so much:'>" which definitely doesn't do any justice to what you were doing for me & how I was feeling at that point in time.

In short, all I want to say is, I'm thankful to have met someone like you:) And I'm sorry I'm always such a burden even though there were so many times I wish I could be of some help to you as well :( (but not like you needed much help anyway hurhur)

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Knee update II

Tuesday, March 11, 20144:48 PM

At week 12 of post-op, I'm finally given the green light to do light/very slow jogging:> As much as I never really liked running, it definitely feels good to be pounding the treadmill again after so long. Another major milestone covered on this relatively long road to recovery. Quads and hamstring strength difference at 25% and 40% at 60 degrees and 90 degrees respectively. I need to stop being a lazy fat blob and hit the gym more regularly. My right leg used to be the stronger one... and now it's just a weak piece of fat blob:( But, otherwise, all seems to be going well and I can't wait to be able to play ball sooooooon. It has been too long. For now, time to shed some fats and get fitter. But I iz be lazy, damnit. I need jingying and mr p. to stop making me so slack and lazy.

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Sunday, March 2, 201410:53 AM

The Moment You Know You are Falling in Love from Thought Catalog :)

"The moment you know that you are falling in love with someone is one of the most exciting and terrifying moments in existence. Falling in love with someone is scary because, for the most part, it is completely out of your control. The heart wants what the heart wants. When the elation, the nerves, the butterflies, the anxiety, and the euphoria all come together, somehow you just know.

You know you’re falling when time goes by in fast forward and you desperately wish there was a pause button on life so you could be with them forever, frozen in a perfect moment.

You know you’re falling when you forget you’re hungry and all you can think about is how amazing the other person is, and when you can sit in silence with the other person and feel like it’s the best conversation that you’ve ever had. Silence is one of the most powerful things, as is communicating without actually having to say anything. And you know you’re falling when you wake up and the other person is the first thing that crosses your mind and the thought of them immediately makes you smile.

You know you’re falling when you can actually fall sleep with them in your bed. Especially if you can fall asleep while they snore, and if you can share the covers. You know when you want to know every single thing about the other person. What house they grew up in, how many cousins they have, what sports they played, what movies they hate, what their favorite restaurant is.

You’re falling when you trust them enough to tell them your deepest, darkest secret, and you know they won’t run away. You feel comfortable enough to be at your most vulnerable, and you know they will try and protect you from your demons and fears. You’re falling when all you want to talk about is the person you’re falling for. How sweet they are. How caring they are. How similar you two are. You want to tell the world everything about them and inform everyone of how you two first met.

You know you’re falling when you start staring off into the distance in class or in a meeting or in your office and you think about all of the ways you two are absolutely perfect together. The more you think about it, the more you want to shout it all from the top of a mountain.

You know you’re falling when all the other relationships that came before become vague and blurry fixtures of your past. You no longer need to hold onto the disintegrating love from your failed relationships, to the hurt and wounds and resentment. You learn how to let go, if you haven’t before. When you realize that holding yourself back because the fear of being hurt all over again isn’t fair to someone new. Because they’re not your past. Instead, they could be your future.

You know you’re falling in love with someone when you know. All of these things can be signs, but the moment you realize you actually love the other person, you just know. It hits you like a ton of bricks. It knocks the air out of your lungs. And it’s the best feeling in the world."

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so true

Sunday, February 23, 201410:36 PM

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Thursday, February 6, 201411:00 PM

"But you cannot take back the memories you shared, and while these sting at first in the way that only fresh wounds can, over time, the pain lessens. Over time, you forget you’re hurting. Over time, you end up feeling a certain shade of numb, as if your love was that hole that you no longer fit. It was there once, you know it was, and so you block off a shrine in your mind to the memories and their face and their voice for as long as you can keep them there. For as long as they’ll stay. And one day, you’ll forget. Slowly. It always happens slowly.

And it does happen, whether or not you meant to, whether or not you want to. To fall out of love is to compartmentalize them, to move them from your heart to your head, to tell them to stay there in your thoughts while you try to reconcile your emotions. To fall out of love is a disconnect, a divide. To fall out of love is to move on.

To fall out of love is as simple and painful and complex and cathartic as “we” turning into “were.”"

Well said.

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Wednesday, February 5, 20141:46 AM

Such a good read:>

Do Guys Ever Really Get Over The First Girl To Break Their Hearts?

"I hate it when people call her “the one that got away.” She didn't get away; she simply didn't work out. The wiser among us understand this very well, while the rest allow themselves to dwell in the past and recount memories.

This, however, is not to say that the wiser among us ever actually get over that one special person — the one person who has set the bar for all future love affairs. I don’t believe any man ever fully gets over her. Although we know she isn't “the one,” and we know it wouldn't work out if we tried again, she remains the fullest memory we have of love; for this reason, she will never be entirely forgotten.

Even though the girl I personally have in mind was my first love, that isn't necessarily the case for everyone. It’s not being the first love that makes the shadow haunt you long after she’s moved out of your life; it’s the love that cuts the deepest, leaving an irreversible scarring. The relationship was very emotional, fluctuating from intense love to intense distaste, to a certain feeling that can only be described as numbing.

She was literally your everything for what was most likely a year or more. The relationship bordered on obsession and it was difficult for you to distinguish between yourself and this new you that you have become. She was the girl who made everything feel right.

Unfortunately, as most love stories go — in reality — things ended. You both moved on sooner or later, and yet, assuming you meant the same to each other, you never really let go of each other. It’s difficult for me to speak for the women in such situations because I’ve only experienced this from my own perspective, but I am assuming that men and women don’t differ greatly in this aspect.

Guys don’t ever completely let go of “that girl.” It’s not because we don’t want to — we do; we just can’t seem to. This doesn’t really differ between men. The only thing that differs is the level of love that one has experienced. Some guys have never even experienced love, yet are convinced they have. They are only awakened when love finally finds them.

Regardless, these girls remain a part of us for the rest of our lives. They are what we base and compare all subsequent relationships to. They are whom we compare a potential new partner to when considering a new relationship. They are the standard that all men live by as far as love and relationships go. The reason this doesn't change is because the woman we can’t let go of no longer actually exists. Who we remember is not the woman she now is, but rather, a woman she once was.

Who she is now, we usually don’t really know because most of us had no choice but to cut her off from our lives completely once the relationship went south, or we would risk repeating the same mistakes. She is a ghost we keep alive and go back to when things get difficult — the hope for better days that keeps us going.

Men never let go of her. Until she is replaced, that is. Every time guys meet someone new they automatically remove “her” from their minds; they have someone else to occupy those thoughts. Of course, this usually doesn't last forever because the interest, and inevitably the relationship, won’t last forever — until the one time it does.

If we manage to find a deep love once again, then the woman will be the new “her.” She will take the place of our past love and fill all those cracks and crevices that our deepest, truest love left behind. She will then become your new reality, rewriting all the past rules. If you can make it work and things last, then you’ll be the happiest man alive. If it doesn't work, the process repeats."

This is so true, even for girls. "They are what we base and compare all subsequent relationships to. They are whom we compare a potential new partner to when considering a new relationship. They are the standard that all men live by as far as love and relationships go." We all know it's unhealthy to compare and we shouldn't, but we still do. We compare because we are afraid that we might end up getting hurt again, for the same reasons, if we were to find someone as similar as him. We compare because, maybe, a part of us miss what it used to be. We compare for many reasons. And, I don't think it's possible to forget our ex-es, even if we try to. Because they were people who once played such an important and huge role in our lives. It's like removing a huge boulder from a mountain, the gaping hole will always be there, unfilled. May be if a new "him" comes along, you might. But, till then, you never really let him go.

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nutella banana french toast

Thursday, January 16, 201411:15 AM

Spent some quality time with my mom yesterday, eating (of course there will be eating cause it's me HAHA) and shopping with her the entire day after class. She got me plenty of new year clothings:> After a long day of shopping, I told her I wanted to get bananas so I could make breakfast tomorrow and she suggested that I make breakfast for her as well. I readily agreed and so this fateful morning, I woke up earlier than I usually would and made nutella banana french toasts, cheese toasts and scrambled eggs for the both of us. This sense of satisfaction overwhelmed me when my mom commented that my scrambled eggs were nicely done and thanked me for the breakfast:3 Maybe this is how Tammie feels when people tell her her bakes are so damn good. Of course I don't cook as well as her but when my mother, someone who has been cooking all our daily meals for my entire life, says that my food is good, my heart literally did a happy dance of sorts haha. I'm just happy that I was able to make her breakfast this morning. I guess it's a way of showing my gratitude towards her for all that she has done for me thus far. Besides, I don't know when is the next time I can/ have the time to make breakfast for her on a nice morning like this. I most probably don't even have time to come home this weekend although it's just the first week of school cause I have IHG duties on the weekends:( And I predict there will only be busier weeks ahead this coming sem so I will see my fam less. Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm glad I made breakfast for my mom today. Who says one has to wait till Mother's Days to show their appreciation?

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