Its freaking sunny ........ all week.
Its stinking hot ........... all week.
Colleen doesn't get around to doing washing.
Today, Sunday, another stinking hot, sunny day, Colleen does washing.
God must fucking hate me, I take some 'me time' to meet up with a friend (albeit 1 child in tow) for a coffee, decide to be super-mum and stop at the park on the way home, and what does God do ? HE MAKES IT FUCKING BUCKET DOWN.
And then to top it off ............. he chucks in Hail, just for good measure. As if soaking my then dry clothes on the washing line wasn't enough, he thought he'd hammer them with hail, jsut to make sure I'm up shit creek without a paddle.
So now my 'try not to use electricity between 2pm and 8pm because its so fucking expensive to do so' is fucked because I've had to have the dryer going to get the kids uniforms dry for tomorrow.
Signing off .... NOT HAPPY GOD! :(
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Age old @ 18
A few weeks back I lay in bed with CU on a Saturday morning discussing how suddenly age seems to have caught up with us both and the ill effects we were both experiencing. Given that at my age, my own mother had a 15 year old (me) is scary enough - more so that the 16 year age gap between her and I also means there is only a 9 year gap between her and CU - not a cool thought.
Anyhow, I've recently discovered a few signs of ageing that I'm not particularly thrilled about - the wrinkling of my skin (its really starting to look like old weathered skin) the age spots and freckles taking over my face, just the general issue that my body cannot always keep up with the ideas my brain sets forth. Point being that it jolted me back to reality - you see up to this point my brain has always thought me 'young' .... in fact 18 years old to be precise.
Being the youngest in my group of friends its always been easy to keep up this 'lie' (to myself) that I think and feel and act 18. It makes me wonder if everyone my age feels the same way - I happened to have this conversation with one of my cousins on FB last night - he's a few years my senior and he too said he couldn't believe how 'suddenly' he seems to have aged - the freaky part of the conversation happened when he said "you know Col, up to this point I've always thought of myself as being 18 years old"
Big sighs of relief - that what I'm thinking and feeling seems to be fairly normal. I have to say though looking at the behaviour of 18 year olds around me, I'm thankful I'm not that age - I cannot believe we managed to survive life acting like a bunch of 'tools'
So each morning I will continue to use freckle lightener on my face and apply my factor 30+ moisturiser, don my hat and sunnies and act like an old person by sitting in the shade enjoying a quiet drink or few watching the 18 year olds around me prance around in fancy-free fashion with no responsibility whatsoever, with the knowledge that I am 31 and against all efforts to remain 'young' I am ageing and shall from now on accept the physical changes as trophies for making it through an age where the questions of who? when? where? why? and how? did not factor on my radar.
Anyhow, I've recently discovered a few signs of ageing that I'm not particularly thrilled about - the wrinkling of my skin (its really starting to look like old weathered skin) the age spots and freckles taking over my face, just the general issue that my body cannot always keep up with the ideas my brain sets forth. Point being that it jolted me back to reality - you see up to this point my brain has always thought me 'young' .... in fact 18 years old to be precise.
Being the youngest in my group of friends its always been easy to keep up this 'lie' (to myself) that I think and feel and act 18. It makes me wonder if everyone my age feels the same way - I happened to have this conversation with one of my cousins on FB last night - he's a few years my senior and he too said he couldn't believe how 'suddenly' he seems to have aged - the freaky part of the conversation happened when he said "you know Col, up to this point I've always thought of myself as being 18 years old"
Big sighs of relief - that what I'm thinking and feeling seems to be fairly normal. I have to say though looking at the behaviour of 18 year olds around me, I'm thankful I'm not that age - I cannot believe we managed to survive life acting like a bunch of 'tools'
So each morning I will continue to use freckle lightener on my face and apply my factor 30+ moisturiser, don my hat and sunnies and act like an old person by sitting in the shade enjoying a quiet drink or few watching the 18 year olds around me prance around in fancy-free fashion with no responsibility whatsoever, with the knowledge that I am 31 and against all efforts to remain 'young' I am ageing and shall from now on accept the physical changes as trophies for making it through an age where the questions of who? when? where? why? and how? did not factor on my radar.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
MEN and MANipulation
Ahh hah! There is a reason manipulation starts with the word MAN .... because they're so damn good at it, and we women don't even realise that they have the brain capacity to actually know that they are doing it.
Up until this morning I had never really put much thought into the fact that my man manipulates me into getting exactly what it is he wants, all the time - without me even realising that he is manipulating me.
Problem is when I realised it was happening, I was more mad at myself for not seeing it than I was mad at him for doing it. I've never been much for beating around the bush, I'm a 'get in there and grab the bull by the horns kinda gal'.
"I want sex and I want it now or I'll find it somewhere else" has always worked better for me than "I didn't get lunch today so I won't be kissing you good-bye this morning" - they're evil ... PURE EVIL.
I mean really .... when did men get so crafty, and why didn't I get the memo.
Up until this morning I had never really put much thought into the fact that my man manipulates me into getting exactly what it is he wants, all the time - without me even realising that he is manipulating me.
Problem is when I realised it was happening, I was more mad at myself for not seeing it than I was mad at him for doing it. I've never been much for beating around the bush, I'm a 'get in there and grab the bull by the horns kinda gal'.
"I want sex and I want it now or I'll find it somewhere else" has always worked better for me than "I didn't get lunch today so I won't be kissing you good-bye this morning" - they're evil ... PURE EVIL.
I mean really .... when did men get so crafty, and why didn't I get the memo.
Monday, September 7, 2009
I must have just woken up out of "laa-laa land"
So this weekend we changed service providers ... as you do.
I'm in the process of changing the forty-bazillion things we've signed up to with our old email address to our new email address, all the while thinking I'm such a blooming idiot for conforming to this technology super-storm our lives seem to have been invaded with.
Key cards and pin codes, credit cards (and more credit cards) and signatures, email addresses and passwords, user names and pseudo-names, key less entry, fingerprint recognition (yes CU's lappy has this) and retinal scanning .... (who knows what our front doors will be installed with next year)
Are we really evolving to the point where its not just a simple trip to the bank where the bank manager knows your face and hands over cash from your savings or just carrying a set of bloody keys to get in doors..... when did we allow ourselves to drown in this ocean of technology?
Cars that have GPS's and hands-free, DVD's for the kids and now even Internet access - HELLOOO .... if your eyes aren't fixated on the road and where you are going ... YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING.
So anyway, back to the frustration that has left me realising that the more technology we are invaded by, the less logic we as primate human being possess ..... bigpond to optusnet ..... so simple!
Think again!
I cannot change my email address from bigpond.com to optusnet.com.au (username before the @ sign still the same) because said user name before the @ sign is the same as the displayed user name on their damn website. I joined in October of 2001 for Pete's sake, its always been that user name @ some freaking domain ... ihug, iinet, tpg ..... gmail, yahoo, hotmail ...... good god ... do I have that many email addresses :o {shock horror}
They wouldn't have had a problem with my user name and display name being the same had I not changed service providers .... I was being courteous (and bloody stupendous for being so on top of it) by alerting them that they would no longer be able to hunt me down for funds on that email address anymore (refer to my previous post mentioning addictions LOL)
Poor 'Rod A' - boy did that chap cop a whole lotta aggressive woman newly off a hormonal week-streak.
Boo to technology I say.....
I'm now off to update my facebook status, my blog, my msn and skype user names and text CU abck for missing his call when I was on the phone and could see he was ringing through on the other line using my caller id..... PMSL
I'm in the process of changing the forty-bazillion things we've signed up to with our old email address to our new email address, all the while thinking I'm such a blooming idiot for conforming to this technology super-storm our lives seem to have been invaded with.
Key cards and pin codes, credit cards (and more credit cards) and signatures, email addresses and passwords, user names and pseudo-names, key less entry, fingerprint recognition (yes CU's lappy has this) and retinal scanning .... (who knows what our front doors will be installed with next year)
Are we really evolving to the point where its not just a simple trip to the bank where the bank manager knows your face and hands over cash from your savings or just carrying a set of bloody keys to get in doors..... when did we allow ourselves to drown in this ocean of technology?
Cars that have GPS's and hands-free, DVD's for the kids and now even Internet access - HELLOOO .... if your eyes aren't fixated on the road and where you are going ... YOU SHOULDN'T BE DRIVING.
So anyway, back to the frustration that has left me realising that the more technology we are invaded by, the less logic we as primate human being possess ..... bigpond to optusnet ..... so simple!
Think again!
I cannot change my email address from bigpond.com to optusnet.com.au (username before the @ sign still the same) because said user name before the @ sign is the same as the displayed user name on their damn website. I joined in October of 2001 for Pete's sake, its always been that user name @ some freaking domain ... ihug, iinet, tpg ..... gmail, yahoo, hotmail ...... good god ... do I have that many email addresses :o {shock horror}
They wouldn't have had a problem with my user name and display name being the same had I not changed service providers .... I was being courteous (and bloody stupendous for being so on top of it) by alerting them that they would no longer be able to hunt me down for funds on that email address anymore (refer to my previous post mentioning addictions LOL)
Poor 'Rod A' - boy did that chap cop a whole lotta aggressive woman newly off a hormonal week-streak.
Boo to technology I say.....
I'm now off to update my facebook status, my blog, my msn and skype user names and text CU abck for missing his call when I was on the phone and could see he was ringing through on the other line using my caller id..... PMSL
The Night I fired myself
Ok, so I'm depressed.
A week ago I had a near death experience (self inflicted, NOT accidental I'm afraid) and realised that the relationship I have been nurturing for 31 years with myself was toxic and if I didn't fire my ass immediately, I would be six feet under by Wednesday.
So I did it.
I'd sent out the letters of warning (all ten kazillion of them)
I put myself on probation (I've gotta say the relationship I had begun with chocolate was a little scary) decided that I no longer wished to look and feel like the backside of a golf ball nor did I fancy getting cozy with nature and worms six feet under.
I marched myself right up to that mirror, gave myself 'the look' (it really is quite intimidating I have to say ... mental note #1 - don't lose 'the look') peered at my blood-shot eyes (from crying, sadly not from vodka), took a deep breath, sucked in my gut (probably only managing to suck in about 3 months of the 5 month belly I'm currently sporting) and said to myself "you're fired bitch!"
Can one have a mid-life crisis at 31?
I kept telling myself it had to be one or possibly a combination of a few 'ishews' I was currently entertaining in life ....
possibly the 3 month dose of hormones my *charming body decided to dump on my lap the day before
possibly the fact that I was no longer employed and able to feed my addictions (yes I have several and cannot bring myself to name only one or two in fear of possibly upsetting the harmonious balances between all said addictions and possibly tipping our financial situation in the bloody harbour)
possibly the fact that my 'baby' is growing up too quick and he will soon no longer need to throw his chubby little arms around my neck, press his gorgeous little mouth against mine and dramatise the most massive kiss ever given followed by "I luff yew"
possibly the fact that my own head has been mysteriously creating these stupid scenarios whereby I'm beside myself with concern that Captain Underpants (who shall from now on be referred to as CU) is *having tea with his stunning new little blonde secretary a little too often after hours and perhaps feeding his addiction elsewhere.
possibly that I feel like a ticking time-bomb when it comes to friends - fear of being myself, fear of not being myself blah blah blah ... you know the drill.
it could also quite possibly be one or many combinations of the following ...
my parents, my sister, the new baby being baked in the family (not mine I assure you now before you spit your wine out and waste a good mouthful like that) ..... good grief, this list could quite easily end up as long as ... well it could be quite considerable..... so before I bore anyone else to death, lets just say I realised I had a lot of 'ishews' and that 'I' wasn't doing 'my job' properly, and thus promptly felt this intense need to fire myself.
*shall from this point forward be used in place of the word Fuck and/or Fucking - I'm trying to keep this as PG as possible.
^please note there is in actual fact no new blonde secretary, however if he starts showing interest in older women, CU has the problem and I then definitly think its time I hit the road.
So by Tuesday I was even more massively-hormonal however I had this strange feeling of being in control ... the bitch had been fired and I was free to sweep and mop the floors and start over.
By the time the weekend arrived, I was pleasantly feeling like my old self again .... happy, horny and in dire need of alcohol, all of which came together in a very symbiotic weekend of vegging in bed watching re-runs of sex and the city and just not stressing.
Which in turn lead me to this point where I can say for certainty that...
it might not be 'normal' to have a 'mid-life wobble' at 31 - fall off the radar and swear off all future human contact, but I can tell you it is NECESSARY for a woman to be faced with her dark side every now then ... though only long enough for her to put life back into perspective, pull up her big girl undies (the Bridgette Jones variety that hold everything in), take a chill pill (or Prozac - whatever floats your boat), sip on your fruit juice (personally I'm a fan of clear liquids ... vodka, tequila et el) and just say *gosh darn it ..... I'm taking well deserved *foot-loose-and-fancy-free break from all this crap - leave me the *daisies alone would ya!"
A week ago I had a near death experience (self inflicted, NOT accidental I'm afraid) and realised that the relationship I have been nurturing for 31 years with myself was toxic and if I didn't fire my ass immediately, I would be six feet under by Wednesday.
So I did it.
I'd sent out the letters of warning (all ten kazillion of them)
I put myself on probation (I've gotta say the relationship I had begun with chocolate was a little scary) decided that I no longer wished to look and feel like the backside of a golf ball nor did I fancy getting cozy with nature and worms six feet under.
I marched myself right up to that mirror, gave myself 'the look' (it really is quite intimidating I have to say ... mental note #1 - don't lose 'the look') peered at my blood-shot eyes (from crying, sadly not from vodka), took a deep breath, sucked in my gut (probably only managing to suck in about 3 months of the 5 month belly I'm currently sporting) and said to myself "you're fired bitch!"
Can one have a mid-life crisis at 31?
I kept telling myself it had to be one or possibly a combination of a few 'ishews' I was currently entertaining in life ....
possibly the 3 month dose of hormones my *charming body decided to dump on my lap the day before
possibly the fact that I was no longer employed and able to feed my addictions (yes I have several and cannot bring myself to name only one or two in fear of possibly upsetting the harmonious balances between all said addictions and possibly tipping our financial situation in the bloody harbour)
possibly the fact that my 'baby' is growing up too quick and he will soon no longer need to throw his chubby little arms around my neck, press his gorgeous little mouth against mine and dramatise the most massive kiss ever given followed by "I luff yew"
possibly the fact that my own head has been mysteriously creating these stupid scenarios whereby I'm beside myself with concern that Captain Underpants (who shall from now on be referred to as CU) is *having tea with his stunning new little blonde secretary a little too often after hours and perhaps feeding his addiction elsewhere.
possibly that I feel like a ticking time-bomb when it comes to friends - fear of being myself, fear of not being myself blah blah blah ... you know the drill.
it could also quite possibly be one or many combinations of the following ...
my parents, my sister, the new baby being baked in the family (not mine I assure you now before you spit your wine out and waste a good mouthful like that) ..... good grief, this list could quite easily end up as long as ... well it could be quite considerable..... so before I bore anyone else to death, lets just say I realised I had a lot of 'ishews' and that 'I' wasn't doing 'my job' properly, and thus promptly felt this intense need to fire myself.
*shall from this point forward be used in place of the word Fuck and/or Fucking - I'm trying to keep this as PG as possible.
^please note there is in actual fact no new blonde secretary, however if he starts showing interest in older women, CU has the problem and I then definitly think its time I hit the road.
So by Tuesday I was even more massively-hormonal however I had this strange feeling of being in control ... the bitch had been fired and I was free to sweep and mop the floors and start over.
By the time the weekend arrived, I was pleasantly feeling like my old self again .... happy, horny and in dire need of alcohol, all of which came together in a very symbiotic weekend of vegging in bed watching re-runs of sex and the city and just not stressing.
Which in turn lead me to this point where I can say for certainty that...
it might not be 'normal' to have a 'mid-life wobble' at 31 - fall off the radar and swear off all future human contact, but I can tell you it is NECESSARY for a woman to be faced with her dark side every now then ... though only long enough for her to put life back into perspective, pull up her big girl undies (the Bridgette Jones variety that hold everything in), take a chill pill (or Prozac - whatever floats your boat), sip on your fruit juice (personally I'm a fan of clear liquids ... vodka, tequila et el) and just say *gosh darn it ..... I'm taking well deserved *foot-loose-and-fancy-free break from all this crap - leave me the *daisies alone would ya!"
Thursday, August 2, 2007
We are family ....
Well since I'm new to all of this and learning as I go along, I thought I'd introduce you to my gorgeous family.
My Darling Husband is Anthony, he is heading into his late 30's, balding and greying daily (LOL), but he has the most infectious enthusiasm, and absolutely makes my heart jiggle in delight.
My 1st son Luke, is deep and serious and emotional like his mum. He aims to please but is totally scatter-brained and easily distracted. His heart is gigantic and tiny at the same time - he loves unconditionally with no fear but his feelings are bruised so easily.
My 2nd son James is like a mini hurricane. He is lively and determined and full of drive. He is so independent at 2 it scares me within. There is no pulling the wool over his eyes, he shows love when and where it suits him and most times you find yourself coughing in his dusty trail.
We would like more children (well I would - LOL) and perhaps it shall happen, but not until we are ready. I love being the only female in a household of male, I feel so overwhelmed with love and security and protection between my boys, what else could I ever want more of.
Today is the beginning of my new life ...
Well, first time blogger and now I sit here not sure where to begin, so to follow logic, I shall begin at the beginning.
I've lived my life, typically as the rebellious, head-strong, adamant person who doesn't fold on confrontation and will fight till the death for things that I believe in. Whats wrong with that I hear you ask ... well its not always received by others in a positive light and therefore after 29 years of living as such, I've decided to make a big change in my life. I have decided to follow a positive mantra everyday, to emit positive thoughts and feelings and hopefully gain the benefit of doing so by receiving nothing but positive back.
I strongly suggest anyone reading this go and hire a DVD copy of "The Secret" - it really will change your life forever. I've got a copy for myself which I find I'm referring back to at least weekly now, and perhaps think its time I invest in the audio version for my car.
The Law of attraction really is stronger than people realise, and living your life by example WILL reap the benefits for not only you but those around you.
Live your life by example, start the day with a positive mantra and I promise, from the little things right to the big things, your life will change.
I have a copy next to my bed, in the bathroom stuck on the mirror where I brush my teeth everyday, stuck on the side of my PC, stuck on the fridge, a copy in my car, a copy in my wallet .... you will see, you won't be able to get enough of this. I also found this little wooden, I don't know, charm I guess - possibly from one of my kids craft boxes - I keep this little ladybird in my pocket and each time I 'accidently find it' there, I stop for a moment and think about all the things in my life I'm grateful for.
At first I stood there thinking "but there is so much I'm grateful for, I couldn't possibly list everything" but the more often you do it, the clearer your gratitude becomes and you'll easily be able to narrow down the important things in life you're grateful for. You can even use it as an "I'm thankful for..." trigger.
Today I am thankful for being alive, thankful for my beautiful family, thankful that I have an opportunity to share with others this beautiful gift I have discovered .... POSITIVE LIFE.
I've lived my life, typically as the rebellious, head-strong, adamant person who doesn't fold on confrontation and will fight till the death for things that I believe in. Whats wrong with that I hear you ask ... well its not always received by others in a positive light and therefore after 29 years of living as such, I've decided to make a big change in my life. I have decided to follow a positive mantra everyday, to emit positive thoughts and feelings and hopefully gain the benefit of doing so by receiving nothing but positive back.
I strongly suggest anyone reading this go and hire a DVD copy of "The Secret" - it really will change your life forever. I've got a copy for myself which I find I'm referring back to at least weekly now, and perhaps think its time I invest in the audio version for my car.
The Law of attraction really is stronger than people realise, and living your life by example WILL reap the benefits for not only you but those around you.
Live your life by example, start the day with a positive mantra and I promise, from the little things right to the big things, your life will change.
Today is the beginning of my new life
I am starting over today
All good things are coming to me today
I am grateful to be alive
I see beauty all around me
I live with passion and purpose
I take time to laugh and play everyday
I am awake, energized and alive
I focus on all the good things in life
And give thanks for them
I am at peace and one with everything
I feel the love, the joy, the abundance
I am free to be myself
I am magnificence in human form
I am the perfection of life
I am grateful to be ...
me.
Today is the best day of my life
I am starting over today
All good things are coming to me today
I am grateful to be alive
I see beauty all around me
I live with passion and purpose
I take time to laugh and play everyday
I am awake, energized and alive
I focus on all the good things in life
And give thanks for them
I am at peace and one with everything
I feel the love, the joy, the abundance
I am free to be myself
I am magnificence in human form
I am the perfection of life
I am grateful to be ...
me.
Today is the best day of my life
I have a copy next to my bed, in the bathroom stuck on the mirror where I brush my teeth everyday, stuck on the side of my PC, stuck on the fridge, a copy in my car, a copy in my wallet .... you will see, you won't be able to get enough of this. I also found this little wooden, I don't know, charm I guess - possibly from one of my kids craft boxes - I keep this little ladybird in my pocket and each time I 'accidently find it' there, I stop for a moment and think about all the things in my life I'm grateful for.
At first I stood there thinking "but there is so much I'm grateful for, I couldn't possibly list everything" but the more often you do it, the clearer your gratitude becomes and you'll easily be able to narrow down the important things in life you're grateful for. You can even use it as an "I'm thankful for..." trigger.
Today I am thankful for being alive, thankful for my beautiful family, thankful that I have an opportunity to share with others this beautiful gift I have discovered .... POSITIVE LIFE.
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