I have to wait like 3 more days?

I am currently sitting in a lan shop. The place rocks! The screen is 22 inch... I get a free drink. I can smoke here. There are thousands of comics... but...

I came here to play WOW. And noooooo! The WOW here is the taiwan server... so that means... I cannot log in. Wao Lao!

So yar, I am looking forward to go home. All ready and set... but before that, I have to do the major bulk of shopping, enjoy my steamboat with Jilyn later and go to the Taipei Mega Countdown later.

But then again, I am thinking about the many things I could have done if I didn't travel... I probably can meet all my friends, which I been longing to. I would be able to clear up the mess in my room, play soccer at with the Hons Class peeps, attend weddings, have Christmas dinner... too much to mention actually.

Seemingly it seems that I didn't enjoy my 2 trips overseas... But thats not totally the truth. I didn't regret travelling. I got to visit the world's best host, the Sherpas. I got to 're-live' a day of Dawa's childhood. I got to tour the entire island of Taiwan with Jilyn. I got my teaching aids... and saw so many beautiful sights. I just regret not being able to be home to spend time with my friends. Hiya I feeling so mixed up inside... in facted I feel a bit screwed up...

Hiya, what to do? We are always chasing time. Time is never enough for anyone in the world. So I think I would go crazy the next few days and enjoy myself before I go home and clear the 'mess' I left.

Good I feel so much better now... but I am still thinking of so many things I could have done in December... Luckily I get a chance to do that for the rest of my life. If there is one thing I learnt (or relearnt) this December in 2008, it would be to live my life at 101%. Live with no regrets.

Merry Christmas.

Since I won't be around for Christmas, I decide to make something for a group of special people this time around. So my dear friends who have walked with me over the years... I decided to 'mindmap' my friendships and events that have moulded my life the way it is.

I hope you all liked this little gift which isn't worth a single cent but a gift which made me remember a big part of my life. People like you.

My friends and our memories.

Hello.

Message written on glass

This holiday, I travelled again. This time I didn't even make it back for Christmas or New Year. I said it before I left... its a bit odd and I am afraid I will get homesick.

It is a bit odd because this year, there won't be a gathering with the secondary school friends for a Christmas dinner. There won't be someone special next to me on New Year's Eve night. Even though there were the usual Merry Christmas wishes and additional messages from friends I made it 2008... I do miss home.

The photograph was taken a few days before but I could not post it because it was also part of a surprise for a friend. So now the surprise is over, I can post this picture up. Even if I don't email or message, I really wish I can tell you guys my feelings. So probably the best way to do it is with this message written on the glass window of a hotel by the bay which I stayed in.

I do miss you guys. I miss saying hello. I miss calling you guys randomly. I miss the joy rides in violet. I miss disturbing my roommate. I miss getting 'scolded' by G. I miss pissing Joey off. I miss Beehoon and the lovely Beehoon girl who irritates me as we travel for Beehoon. I miss scrub's whinning. I miss spending time with my friends.

For the Horde!

NUS FASS at Karazhan

The picture above was a guild photograph that my guild, NUS FASS, took when we downed Karazhan as a guild in the World of Warcraft (WOW). It was the first time we did it without the aid of external members from other guilds.

Yar, its only Karazhan what... some gamers might think... 'its just Karazhan... the first raid of BC' or 'isn't that difficult now with lvl 80 skills...' (we downed Karazhan without the aid of the lvl 80 talents). But well, the important point is that it was an effort that took a year in the making.

Some people question me... 'why do you WOW so often'. I don't really think I WOW that much... compare to the 'gold farmers' and fanatics out there who WOW for glory. But I guess maybe its time to blog about my other life... life as Archhealer... the priest who cannot make it. haha.

Why do I WOW? I can't really explain... but all I can say its tonnes of fun and it has many elements of friendship. I stop wowing when I was 60 (back during the original WOW when the BC expansion wasn't out and the level cap was 60) and I was always a noob, someone who didn't know the market rates, strategies or technical info behind DPS (Damage per second). But at the request and 'temptation' put across by my juniors from NUS FASS... I decide to WOW again... and I reach 70 only like 6 months ago, well no difficult task... many have 10 or more level 70 characters... but its a different feeling when you have guild mates and friends encouraging you along and always helping you out with little quest or questions here and there. That is why, even though I know our guild is a fun guild, which probably would not be a well known or great guild, I am once again on my journey to 80 (the latest expansion, WOTLK's cap).

I think people who WOW, aren't the people with 'no life'... there is so much 'life' in WOW. Its just that people do not see the light we do... people do not understand why we say 'For the Horde!' and more importantly, people do not see the friendships built in the small world, called the World of Warcraft... I am grateful to be WOWing... its truly a space where I get to be accepted by friends and players as an individual who can assist and be relevant as a healer, even though I am a noob... haha

Maybe one day, as a guild, we might just be able to down the final bosses on the expansion. But till that day, I am happy to be living that dream while I roam the lands of Northrend ... and I guess it comforts me greatly that I do not live this dream alone but in the company of guildmates who are so fun-loving.

For the Horde!

Fear...

There are so many thoughts on my mind now... but most of them are about fears... my fears.

I think fears take up a big part of our thoughts... mine at least.

'What would I do tomorrow now that everyone has left hall?'

'Would tomorrow be a boring day?'

'Would there be lots of stuff to settle tomorrow?'

I think I clearly ain't ready for tomorrow. That is a fear I believe. Some may believe these thoughts are not important enough to be entertained... after all they are just speculations... and future concerns.

But what happens when your fears manifest before your eyes...?

Its begun... I believe... one of the fears I had for a long time. I realize this time its true... I cannot communicate with my friend anymore... Its not that I don't want to... I don't even know how. Slowly I feel that I am just happier alone ... yar.

A day out with Ain... haha

Caught the last matinee of Avenue Q in Singapore a couple of weeks ago with Ain, my classmate. The outing didn't started very well... I was suppose to pick her up at punggol 297... but I went to Seng Kang 297 conveniently ... so in the end we took 20 mins to clear up my blunder and we had to rush to the esplanade ... and we had to run from the car to the ... just to be in time for the production. haha.

Honestly, the play wasn't too exciting... but I guess sometimes, the idea is the company. Right? I think Ain wasn't too impressed or amazed by the production... but we managed to get a few laughs off our private jokes haha.

So after the play, we decided to just go to random places... super random I tell you...

First we drop by the biennale Singapore visual arts exhibition next to the Union building... 'Wonder' was the event title... And I think its quite a pleasant random thing to do... visit random art galleries. Whenever I visit art exhibitions, I am always amazed with the fact how an artist can visualize in the way they do, obviously so 'out of the box'. The exhibits were rather cool (I know some of you will reject this belief... but as a member of the public, I really thing they were!). I particularly loved the one where we entered a white room and all around us look as thought it was snowy but the exhibit area was really WARM! And another exhibit was about a totally enclosed dark area... and all you can see was a pin hole of light high above the celling... cools right?

After that we went out for ice cream by East Coast, which was followed by dinner at Simpang Bedok. We didn't even make any plans to go to those places... all we did was to drive around and make decisions when we needed to decide where to settle our hunger.

Its cool to do that... the spirit of flaneur... and I think as 'anal' as Ain can be about having plans... I thank her for being so nice to just follow me around for a day. I think Ain rocks... cause I can tell her almost everything... and I am sure she would be nice enough to listen and if she has to... she will give her 'bitchy' attitude and advise. haha. A frank person ... might be hurtful to some... but is sure a great friend to keep. haha.

O yar... here are some random pics on 'wonder', the biennale visual art exhibit.

The exhibition building.
All materials used to construct the structure was recycled.


Slippers in the Sky.
these slippers belong to an inmate in Changi Prison... each slipper represents each of them...


Light.
The light is being release through a pin hole... amazing?


Chairs
We should take a moment and appreciate the chairs we sit on... I think the person who invented the 'chair' rocks.


Ain looking out at the snow.
A clash of feelings; cool view in a warm room.


Slippers
This was the entrance to the cool/warm room exhibit



"Are you in Seng Kang?"
Ain, 2008

Picking up the camera again...

Photos mean a lot. They do. I think I have found love in pictures once again... Though a few months back... I found it once before ... and now I found it once again.

And I think this time I am out to re-express something else. Maybe this time around... instead of expressing the things I did and myself... I think I want to freeze the time I had with my friends in my photos. So hopefully I do a good job... then again when I reflect about the pics... I think I did. I became a bit more matured... shit... I am growing older. haha.

How we walk.
The footweat my friends and I wear.

Lost.
Naf along Arab Street

Smoke.
Attik and her shisha

Arab Street in the night.
The place were my friends and I chilled for a night

A friendly Shadow.
A silhouette of Jilyn

Chalet at Changi... again.

Actually sometime in Oct... I had a family chalet. I guess family chalets mean a lot of different things to everyone. Some may dread it, some may even avoid it. But to me family chalets spell out the word 'vacation home' to me. I think Mr and Mrs Tan avoid traveling when I was much younger... I think they hate being in a foreign place. So every December, instead of going on a family trip overseas, we head down to Changi for a family chalet... so it always seem as though we were going to our vacation home. This time around, it felt the same.

Once again after A hard year of work, Mrs Tan gets her wish of going to the chalet again...Mrs Tan asked me if I would like to invite a few friends over to my family chalet and I did. I didn't ask everyone down as I didn't want to give the other Tans a hard time preparing the food and stuff. So I decided to ask some of my closer friends to join the Tans for the BBQ. I seriously think its like the 20th time we have been there... but every time, I always look forward to spend time with my family and invite my friends for a BBQ night out just to chill.

But I guess this time around... I had a bit more fun... Cause I guess it was extremely great to house the little 'Geo family' I had. It was rather fun to drive Princess Sarah around Singapore to run errands... not forgetting my honour to talk to her for an entire afternoon. And there was the nature walk with Jelena ... where we had to entertain the Princess's funny request... haha. Most BBQs beat the regular dinner but they always taste better when you have funny friends who think that the pork taste like chicken... haha. Lastly, its always great to have a 'chick flick' after a meal and lots of sparkles to brighten your night. So yar... I think chalets play a very big part in my life... and that is the impertus for 'Operation: boot camp' ... okie let this post remind myself of making it happen. haha.

Jelena and Princess Sarah
I think they were both so hungry, they wanted to eat rocks...

Mr Tan the Fisherman
(He actually posed for the pic...)
My mum and I agree that Mr Tan should stop fishing... he isn't really that young as he think he really is. But I must say, he still catches quite a bit.

Man in a 'boat'
The 'boat' was made from a container

Little children and their fireworks
Who says one can be too old to be a kid?

Sometimes a piss helps...

Thats what I told Jilyn, Dawa, Afidah and Ain today. After being in 'fluffy land' or a super drowsy state for the entire morning... I think a bit of coffee and a piss does help. After all it does remove some of the heat trapped in you.

Once again I went missing.. this time for 18 days. I didn't blog for 18th days... and I guess it will remain like that till Jan 2009. After all... I will be away on travels for the entire month of Dec...

Actually its not that I didn't have anything to blog about... I was just too unmotivated to do so. School work has finally ended... but there still lies the 'Ji Siao' project... and it sucks. The Warth of the Lich King, the New World of Warcraft expansion, has probably gotten the best of me as well. There are patches of misery everynow and then as well.

So maybe its time to start blogging again. Recap what has actually happen. Lets do it in a chrological order. So yar read the following post to get an idea what I was doing in the past few weeks.

Series 3 of Photos for laugh... Some aren't really farnie

Alright ... time for a laugh... Some of this pictures where taken in a matter of 3 hours today... I think if this rate of spotting error goes on... this blog will have to change its purpose to be a humor blog... haha

'o.20 cent' increase also want to announce?
Some more for every bottle of 'beers'?
Haha

My classmates who are about to join the UNO world championships...

How can there be an original Tan when there are millions of people with the surname Tan?
By the way ... what sort of Tan is an original Tan?

Racist culture alert!
'Malay Car' in Chinese Characters to symbolize a cart used to collect Muslim utensils.
How can a car be Malay?

Obviously the person who types this needs tuition...

How do NTU students queue to buy food?
I wonder do they even know how dumb they look...

My personal Favorite...
What is this dumb cabbage doing in the biscuits section...

The Princess Classroom

Was lucky enough to be grouped together with Princess Sarah, Jelena and Xuans for E.D.U Psych 2 lessons. We might have been separated from most of the honours kids but I think its better this time around because at least we have Princess Sarah and Xuans in the class. Heng our teacher was rather nice as well.

But this Princess Sarah is a 'terrorist'... one who believes that she can rule with an iron fist... haha always commanding her 'followers' (friends) ... and showing violent tendencies every now and then... argh!

Check out the new floor plan we came up with... Most of us saw the ferocity of Princess Sarah during the process... Keke... but I think its a rather nice classroom that we design, hopefully all out classrooms can be designed like this Princess Classroom. haha.

The main floor plan of a Princess Classroom

The Nature Corner

The reading corner with rugs (not rags) and pillows from Ikea

The class photo
Sarah and I were both from 1E2 ... haha

Our president and the national flag
drawn by Xuans

What is a class without a world map?

who else heads the class?
Princess Sarah aka Miss Siew!

A moment to reflect I guess

After all that has happened in the past 2 weeks, I am really very tired. Today the 'engine' almost broke down; my body almost gave into the odd weather in Singapore. But I am glad I made it.

I can't imagine how down I would be if I didn't tell myself to be more positive in the evening. After all the assignments, new deadlines and sad departures... I think I was mentally shocked and weary. I was so battled ... I can't even remember what I need to blog about... maybe its time to take a short break from everything and reflect.

I will do that tomorrow I guess...

But for today, I think there is a need OF LATE to thank a few individuals for encouraging me on.

Firstly, to the pig-lamb-cow vegetarian who sleeps on the bed opposite me, thanks for that conversation about all the corny shit... its been awhile since we have been bitching and having you 'promoting' yourself...

Next is Liling? For being the first to ask about me, I appreciate it. Thirdly is afidah and jelena... for their concerns over dinner. Jilyn for once again hearing me bitch. Rita! for giving me a simple phone call and always reassuring how important our friendship is. Thank you Scrubs, for checking the list... yes the dreaded piece of excel I wish I can get rid off!

And finally Neighbor wongs and Bit... for sharing stories about almost everything from life to death. I know sometimes I say you both very 'useless' and emotional... but I think after what has happen ... you 2 seem to be more matured then me. I know I cannot ease your pain but thank you for the session just now, you all make me forget what pain really is. I wish you both the best and thank you.

Yar time to sleep, we all need that right? Not really?

Sometime ago... I was thinking about the things that are certain in life... and the only thing I can think of is 'death is the only certainty'... but after today, the past week of 'death' and the constant nagging at Neighbor wongs to take care of herself... I realize 2 other things that are certainties... 'we all need to fulfill certain needs (such as enough rest and nutrition) to survive' and more importantly, at least for me, that is... 'we all need friends to survive'. Yar ... I think I have reflected enough for the day. Good Night world.

"you must always listen to older people"
Mrs Tan, 2008

261008 - 1717 Hrs

After 6 months of struggling, Aunty Patsy passed away on Sunday.

I think that affected the entire family a lot. After all she was Mummy's best friend at work and Aunty Patsy was a great family friend. Aunty Pasty always cared for our family, even though she sure was one of the most random souls around. She would call Mummy up during her off days to ask about how mum was slacking at home while she was busy at work, she would call to tease my dad about 4D over the weekends, she would ask my sister and I what we would like to eat and other amazingly random things like gfs, studies, earrings and lots more.

The news was told to Mummy by Sister Teo over the phone during dinner. Although Mum didn't tell us the anthing, we were able to make up the purpose of the call. Everyone reacted to the news in their own different ways but no one talked about it.

I kept quiet all the time. Cause I couldn't believe that fact for the moment. Someone who would use her full strength to pat me during a joke, someone who would always ask me the weirdest questions and someone who would openly request for anything for anyone was gone. But as odd and contradicting as it may seem, I choose not to attend the funeral. This is because I choose to keep that memory of her as a happy and hippie 'freedom fighter' in my mind. I was scare to see her in a coffin I guess.

I think different people come to terms with death in different ways. And though someone remind me death was a permanent separation, I think happy memories will remind you of how great a person was. I will miss that loud distinct laughter of hers but I think I will remember it more then miss it. This is because like my mum, I choose to let go and make the best of death ... We believe its better for her to go, cancer and stroke is a terrible way to die ... So Mummy and I believe heaven is a better place for her.

Yet as much as I try to comfort myself by escaping ... I still look back from time to time and ... yar somethings are sadly permanent.

"Don't tell your mother what we talk about or she will be angry... hehe"
Aunty Patsy, 2008

Wii Party with the Gabrielites

Another long overdue post. But I guess it is important to blog about the Wii Party we had.

I have super bad hand eye coordination and I ain't agile at all... my secondary classmates know that. And through a well planned Wii Party, that fact was reconfirmed. After being 10 years of friends, I still am one of the clumsiest person with one of the worst hand eye coordination in my class of 4S... haha.

But I guess the idea of the Wii Party isn't about who is the best player, who can be the best guitar hero, who can knock out another player in boxing, who has a better serve or who has the biggest Burp... I guess the Wii Party is about: Who are still your friends you can laugh with or laugh at after 10 years...

I am glad I manage to squeeze time for the party... I had hell a lot of fun and obviously, my friends had a hell of a time laughing at my bad command of English. But that doesn't matter, simply because after ten years... It seems only yesterday we were still schooling together and enjoying the weekend as mates.

Well I guess I cannot reiterate how much fun we had after all these years... Maybe the video below will give you an idea what corks do at a Wii Party...

The person on the left in the dark corner is Gabriel, our Spartan Dragon Boater... and the person on the right in the other dark corner is Ben Yeo... our mighty duck... haha. Although Ben Yeo is much more experienced at the Wii then Gabriel, after going ahead, Might Duck gets knock out by the dragon boater in less then 5 punches... Seriously, the Wii not only takes into account accuracy but speed and POWER as well... haha.

So after a long night (8pm to 1 am) of shaking, spinning, slamming and laughing ... I headed home, slept and woke up with muscle ache; the next day all my major muscle groups went on strike... well, It sure was worth it for all the pizza, fun, jokes and friends made that weekend one to remember in 2008.

Series 2 of horrible photos...

Alright, Its been a busy period, some of you are down ... So there is no better way to cheer you up with a few laughs. So I hope these amazingly cork photographs give you a tummy ache...

Simply Kids
Featuring top hits: Baa Baa Black Sheep... Three Blind Mice and Little Red Riding Hood.
Can you imagine what sort of HITS these are...

Traffic Light
This was totally unplanned...


Upskirt
Check out the arms of the woman signage...


Hazer Baba: Sister of Ali Baba?


Misteaks


Let's Cooking!
Alright you all have to admit my English is good now...


Coon Cheese
Cheese that lets you 'Coon' (Sleep in dialect).

What an exciting time to be alive

My quads hurt. So do my thighs. My throat is a bit sore from screaming. I keep remembering how positive the 'house bunny' was even though she wasn't that smart.

Saturdays are the best ... once again. That is if you have programs lined up and friends to be with. Well I think I out played myself yesterday. haha.

I was late for the morning event, a guided tour to Sungei Buloh. But thank gosh we were suppose to meet 30 mins before the tour. The tour was AWESOME! It was probably my 8th trip to Sungei Buloh in a year, yet yesterday, I learnt the most I have ever did in all my trips. I wouldn't mind going again. For the love of nature.

Came back to hall 13 and slept the entire afternoon. Woke up to realize how cork it is to sleep the entire afternoon. Then again, if I didn't sleep during the day, I probably wouldn't make it past the night. Hehe.

Finally I bought my second watch in my life... yar the second watch I ever paid off my own pocket. I know the price was higher then the market price but the stall attendent made it a bit easier by giving me a discount... hahah.

Had dinner with Geri and Joey. What use to be a common event has turn out to be a 'rare' opportunity to catch up with one another. Catching up with my 2 best friend in NUS rocks. Especially when all they shared was good news. Anyway guys... this time sure 'whack'. haha.

Please watch 'The House Bunny'. If you regret paying 9.50 for it, I think you don't really have a good sense of humor. Its been a long time since I watch a bimbotic movie ... it just makes your weekend so much better. Especially if you watch it with 'corksters' haha. 'Roasted Hums!'

Ended up playing 'Rockband' at Geri's. I guess I can't sing well... but being the singer... is the only thing I can do well on 'Rockband'. I ain't that good on the guitars as compared to 'Guitar Hero' and I totally suck at the dumbs... for someone who uses the brake pads often... I really cannot control the drums well... I believe I have 'musical psycho motor' problem. But I can sing all the punk rock... haha. Hey guys lets 'perform' as the 'Geo Kids' again.

Yar, Neighbor Wong, I know I am trashy because I met you late. But at least I didn't Pang Seh. Hehe. Thanks for Jogging with me. Your simply the best lar, so last min also on to go ECP. And if most of you know... I have a problem sleeping... So my body clock is screwed lar... So thank you Minggers and Neighbor Wong, for hanging out with me till I got tired

I did that all in 24 hours... I am a bit amazed with myself. Despite of the busy schedule, assignments and tons of lesson plans... I manage to enjoy myself on a Saturday. Call it no life... but it really is an exciting time to be alive. Especially with friends that are super nice. haha.

N.I.E. 'Hell weeks' - half a week gone

My desktop is damm messy. Its loaded with documents, powerpoint files and readings.

I think everyone in N.I.E. of the P.D.G.E. is going through the same thing. 'Hell weeks' are here... the dreaded period where all our assignments and presentations are due. More homework camps... last minute assignments and project meetings.

Despite the rush and chaotic situation (that wasn't aided by poor pedagogy and classroom management) ... its Happy Day 3 ... I can't believe it. I never felt so positive in a long while.

Yesterday, I wanted to go out for a meal... just plan simple bee hoon. I wanted to ask bee hoon girl as well as Jilyn and CO. Then I decided I should just 'eat to survive' and not 'survive to eat'. So I deleted my crafted SMS and planned to have dinner in NTU instead. But when I met Afidah and Jilyn, they asked me out for dinner. I couldn't say no... because it had something to do with faith... yar I am a firm believer of faith ... after all, everything happens for a reason.

So we headed out for dinner, Afidah, Jilyn, Attik and Ain. Wanted to ask Dawa along, but he was down with flu. Take care bro. We headed down to holland village to grab 2 cds, Katy Perry and Secondhand Serenade. Had a fun filled 'bitch' session over dinner at the Prata store. The went over to Rittie's for another bitch session. Funny how random dinners can be fun filled events.

But I guess the best thing that happen so far this week is the love shown by Jelena.

No, Rita, I am not in love. And yes laremy, I am okie even if I am listening to emo love songs. I am not romantically in love with anyone.

Jelena is a wonderful friend to have. She has angelic senses that warm you time to time. She knows when to be caring and when to be thoughtful. I am amaze at the encouragement she gives from time to time. I bet she is going to be a great mum. Talking to Jelena is like talking to a very caring teacher and mother at the same time.

Thanks Jelly, I know you are dead tired (from the picture below), but thanks for the love. It guides me through the seemingly doomed PBL project... haha. But I guess you need to rest also lar? If not you will end up like the hagged girl in the picture below... then again, you look very cool with that ipod and head phones. haha.

Jelena the hagged 'mummy'
Cool hor?

Jelena and Me

Bistro 103

Craved for pasta today. Needed a break from PBL, problematic based learning ... haha. Decide to make Jelena happy. Wanted jilyn to come along. Happy that Sarah came along. Escargot with white wine sauce, followed by steak fries with cheese. Chicken, cheese and sun dried tomatoes pasta in cream sauce. Ice cream at the Island Creamry. Reverse O. Bundung. Happiness.

I think the words above summarized (in a messy way) how I really felt today. So I randomly asked hot date to go for pasta with me. Got Jilyn and Sarah the mighty mouse to come along. Sarah claims its the first time I am bring her out for dinner... I am sure its not the first lor. haha.

I guess we were rather happy to be eating pasta together. Manage to bitch about work and discuss about future possible outings. Had dessert after our tasty meal... and went on to talk about negative experiences overseas. haha. It was a lovely evening once again. I really enjoy talking to my friends nowadays, especially when work is piling up and everyone is falling ill.

Its been 2 good days. I wonder how long will the good days carry on without being whack by work or hauntings from the past. Alright time to work ... before I give myself a chance to complain.

Escargot in white wine sauce

Steak fries with cheese

With friends like this, good food only taste better

P.S. I don't usually blog about food or I post pictures of food... was forced by Jelena... haha.

"I am screwed" vs "I am choosing to feel screwed"

I am suppose to blog... before I cycle but I can't really do it now cos I haven't gathered all the pictures and videos to describe all the events that have happened in to last 3 weeks. Let the pictures below act as a form of 'appetizer' and a good reminder that I am suppose to post about the good events that happen in the past weeks... the Wii Party, the retro outing and the PGDE field trip to Kuantan.

Rita the bully
Rita and I at the retro shop.

Kids in a rocky playground.
My playful geography classmates in our geographical playground

Damm tired. I guess the entire geography class will agree with me. Stress is piling up also.

But then again, I think the choice to push forward lies in me. After all, if we follow Glasser's Choice Theory closely ... "I am screwed" vs "I am choosing to feel screwed" has a big difference. Time to start choosing what I really want and how I really want to feel.

I use to think believe, sometime ago, that I should always plan my leisure first then see to the demands of my work and not plan my work then slot in leisure to my schedule... I wonder where did I got lost in these couple of months... thank gosh to Dr Diva and Jellys' words, here I am choosing to believe in what I really want to do.

"Don't lose yourself"
Dr Diva, 2008

"Do the things you feel like doing ... you will be happy at work and play."
Jelly, 2008

The forbidden fruits in life

Its been 2 years, yet her image still cuts me inside.

I woke up today to the 'pain' that the image of her still haunts me.

It is painful, cause she is the person I used to love the most.

But I know entertaining any thoughts about her is wrong.

To know that 'forbidden fruits' in life exist tortures you... but at least it checks your sanity from time to time.

The search

I just finished my research for my edu psych lecture tomorrow. I wasn't feeling tired during the search, I just kept reading article after article.

But now that I have found the materials I needed for my lecture... I suddenly feel very tired. I think I am ready to rest.

Funny right? How we can be so motivated when we are struggling to find or complete something.

I just took a puff and I realize why I had been complaining about being tired and feeling restless. It wasn't because I have nothing left to do or find... but maybe its because for the past few weeks, I haven't been dreaming about the future and that I couldn't comprehend or define what the next 'search' would be. Due to my 'lostness' in life... I was so 'blinded' and couldn't be motivated to look ahead and dream.

For the past few weeks, the only time I wasn't tired was when I was out looking for stuff such as a book (Man's search for meaning), CDs, solutions to problems (making a simple tee shirt) I faced or just simply laughing with friends. I thought the reason I was so down and moody was because I didn't have enough physical rest and that I wasn't spending enough time with myself. But now I believe that reason for my restless and 'lostness' was wrong.

On days where I had absolutely nothing to do, I would wake up late, waste my day and feel very restless. But once I had a 'goal' for the day or moment, I would work with all my might to finish it. And ironically, once that 'search' is over, I would feel happy for awhile and then I would suddenly feel tired. Very tired.

Had similar incidents before? Feeling charged up with an aim and once you completed your 'mission', you just fall into a slumber and become super unmotivated?

Perhaps it is true, all we are looking for in life is a reason to live... and once you find a reason to live, no matter how tough the journey, it seems possible to overcome all obstacles in the way to our this reason.

And this reason, perhaps, starts from the dreams we have...

I believe for all those who have felt the same... maybe its time we learn to dream and search for reasons to live again. Maybe by setting long term goals and achievable successes, we can motivate ourselves through the worst of slumps and constant 'sianness'.

I think I am on track again. I look forward to the day I deliver the geographers' tee to my friends. I look forward to setting up a charity program for the kids. I look forward to teaching kids who remind me of how playful I used to be.

But maybe most of all, I look forward to the day I find that 'smile'.

For now the search continues... and I shall keep on dreaming. Oooh! Suddenly life is so exciting! Haha!

"If you can dream it, you can do it"
Walt Disney

Blog Post number 200 ... Dedicated to Rita Thia!

I can so hear you say... SIAO KAO!

Rita Thia! Now you got your wishes heard.

First, you got to meet up with me for a day... Rita was complaining about how long we haven't been hanging out... so I made her my 'back up' for today's outing to seletar...

Second, you got a blog post dedicated to you... so don't say I didn't do it... haha

Thanks Rita, for being the heroine of the day! While I was lost and confuse on deciding the geographer's tee... she was forced to help me and she did it willingly, even though she was sleepy and grouchy... haha.

Thanks Rits... for always being able to cheer me up. I know things aren't always smooth sailing but I really hope you always be okie, cause if you were down, I really don't know how to provide a remedy ... cause most of the time you are the remedy, when I am sad, I am sure your killer laughter will brighten my day up.

I hope we get to go on more 'cork up' outings often... It makes me smile. Really.

Really Sian Diao ... haha

The person I used to be scare of.

There are people in life whose first impression you make turn out to be a misjudgment.

I used to once believe that this fierce classmate of mine would never be my friend. This was because I used to think of her as someone who was a bit competitive and too serious in life. Yar, Jilyn, I thought like that before. You know it as well.

Yet today, when I needed some help during class. She volunteered. I still believe she volunteer because of our friendship. She knew, from my whining, that no one was willing to volunteer. So she decided to help me. And even when I ask for a scribe in class, she did it willingly. I believe if the class rep wasn't her friend, she probably wouldn't be bothered that much (yet, this might just be my perception). So yar, Jilyn thanks.

But what struck me to blog about it was... why would she even help someone like me, a playful idiot who isn't pretty much serious about life most of the time. When she volunteered to scribe down the points today, I felt kind of happy. I wasn't happy because someone was doing a job for me but because Jilyn was that someone (For all my idiot friends who think this is some 'romantic' expression ...Please don't think so far... I love you all but not in the romantic way haha).

I used to believe Jilyn would be someone I will always follow only as a leader. Someone I look up to for all her positives and her sincerity. Don't get me wrong, doesn't mean that helping me means I will change this belief. But as we ran to the other class to conduct a small discussion, I thought of something. Lets say if she was a 'knight' then I would be her 'foot soldier'. And seeing the 'knight' help me today... made me the happiest 'foot soldier' of the day... this 'image' just kept going on in my head at that moment, I don't even know why.

But the other point of this blog, is to remind myself how we even became friends in the first place. I always ask Jilyn, how did we ever became friends. And we will constantly be puzzled. Cause, honestly, we don't really remember how... I didn't even talk much to her in semester one. But nowadays, Jilyn seem to be the person I talk the most to in school. Yes, don't think so far you idiots.

I was just asking her, on MSN, when did we begin talking as friends, was it the post examinations dinner at lemongrass? Was it at daily scoops? Was it because I always volunteered to buy something back for a fellow Shearite? Jilyn (over MSN) claims it was at daily scoops, after honours class soccer match, when I asked her to organise the Indonesian BBQ dinner... haha Actually I cannot remember when exactly... but I guess we really talked as friends when we started sharing rubbish ideas and helping one another. I will always remembered if I needed advice on something, I could count on her. And when I needed an opinion or a listening ear, she would always be there.

"Sorry". Was the first word I told her back in sem 1... not a good way to start a friendship. Then again, till today I still say sorry for many random things. So in order to end this blog post, maybe I should also say sorry. Sorry for totally misjudging you from the beginning till today. Only today did I felt a lot more comfortable as a friend. I am glad, other then ganners, i just may have found another good friend who has a 'symbiotic' friendship with me. hehe.

"hehe den we have a symbiotic relationship!"

- The Educated Ah Lian, 2008 -

Losing 30 dollars isn't really the point.

Today was a great day.

Firstly, I finally felt a bit clearer about life, I breathe a lot easier and I see things in a much different light.

Secondly, Maths lessons was full of jokes ... we had so much fun laughing, 2 of my course mates couldn't stop laughing... "who said that?" "Angelina Jolie!"

Next, I got a lot of admin done ... paid the bills, went shopping for headphones and I cut my hair.

Thirdly... I kind of escape from the jaws of 'Mr carpark ninja' ... I was at Holland Village to pick Jilyn up and to get a book from the book store... I ran out of carpark coupons... so I placed an expired coupon to smoke the attendant, if he came to check. As I walked back to the car with Jilyn, I was telling her don't worry cause I don't care, 'fine me just fine lor'... but when I saw the carpark attendant walk across the carpark I was like... O M F***S! I ran to the car... but then, there was no ticket!!!! I was pretty sure the 2 attendants walked pass my car... haha. Maybe it really was my day... to meet 2 attendants who were sleeping on the job... worst still, after the enforcement of parking at Holland Village.

But no... It wasn't going to be entirely my day cause I lost 30 dollars at mahjong over at Uncle Jon's... made a stupid mistake and gave13 to Uncle Jon and overall 25 to Jilyn ... the person who prevented me from winning a couple of times... argh... haha

But yar, it really was a great day. Haven't felt like that in a long time. Even though I lost at mahjong, I am just happy at the end of the day, I got to spend time with Tomoko, Uncle Jon and Jilyn.

O Yar... Tomoko's curry rice is... heavenly haha

The value of out friendship.

I laid on my bed for hours.

Thinking about the split second mistake.

If I only I didn't shouted at a person I cared so much; Someone who makes me smile.

From 1145 till 1456, I really was very scared to wake up. Because I just wanted to ignore the realities.

I kept telling myself, as I laid there, that our friendship probably isn't that worth it.

But as I said, I was just trying to ignore the realities, our friendship is very much priceless.
That is why it hurt. Like a hole in the heart.

I kept looking at the phone from 1145 to 1456. Wanted to call you. But I didn't. Cause I was worried, It will piss you even more.

I kept looking at the phone from 1145 to 1456. I hope it rung, to indicate a msg from you.

It rung a couple of times, but it wasn't you.

I decided to crawl out of bed. Shifted the mouse on the table.

And there was your message at 1230.

Thank you for ensuring me the value of a true friendship.

I live with scars of my failures ...

Everyone is flawed. So am I.

It feels good to know one is flawed. It does. And slowly I am happier nowadays. Because I have close friends who know I am flawed. I think its very painful to live in a world that expects you to be someone who is flawless.

I think I have to thank my roommate, the educated ah lian, beehoon girl and dawa this week for seeing that I need to be accepted as a failure who is only human. I truely appreciate the fact you all can sense that something isn't right and decided to make it better for me.

O and thanks scrubs, for listening to me most of the days, even though you were random and 'irritating', you kind of make me smile in the heart. But please like what beehoon girl say ... sometimes listening to you will make our blood vein and artries burst... haha.

The 'Lost Pages' - Learning from good jokes and bad jokes

Yar, once again ... insomnia has kicked in. Maybe its because I slept too much in the afternoon. Then again, maybe I feel 'lost' again. So here I am, blogging about a 'lost page'.

Currently I am taking a course in N.I.E on pedagogy. What is pedagogy? In layman terms ... simply means 'how to teach a subject'. So this post is about pedagogy and a bit on the 'fruit' of pedagogy... learning.

Sometime ago, I remember sharing jokes and laughing till my tummy ached at Sentosa with Peiyong and Lao Ye (welfare beavers), Fifi the dragon and Talie. I remember telling them that with 3 jokes, I can roam the world looking for friends. If you want to know what are 3 jokes, I can tell you them as well.

However, then a thought struck my head... how could I can remember these 3 jokes very well. And how come only 3 jokes? Then I realize, these 3 jokes had a common characteristic: they were riddles that provide a positive outcome.

Then I wondered deep into my mind and I realized that some popular puzzles or riddles, such as 'black magic' or 'open close open close', are extremely difficult to recall. Even if you were told the solution and the key to the puzzle, often we would forget them easily. This is extremely true when your the only one in the group who doesn't recall or know the solution and the entire group mocks you for being a 'loser'.

But are we 'losers' because we really are dumb? or is it because our mind simply rejects such learning because of the negative thoughts of being an 'outcast' or 'loser' within that social group.

Now ask yourself: "would you feel easy if your friends seemed so much 'smarter' when they know the answer yet refuse to share it with you 'positively'?" I am sure I don't want to be in that situation again.

I notice I learn much better when the joke is a 'good' riddle that makes me happy and feel at ease. While 'bad' jokes are often forgotten because at the point of making an attempt to guess the riddle behind the joke, I feel negative and emotionally hurt due to the taunting of friends.

Hence, I think we all should practice a bit of kindness as well as consideration and stop making 'bad' jokes. We should try to stop 'belittling' our love ones, even if we don't intentionally do it. We may just end up hurtimg our friends and affect their learning. So for all those who really want to make your friends happier, tell 'good' jokes and throw away the 'bad' ones. Well you can apply this form of pedagogy to your everyday life as well. Be it to teach your kids, students, love ones, family members and friends. I am sure they will remember positive lessons, which make them feel at non-marginalised, much easier.

Hehe.

Food for remembrance

Peanut butter chocolate brownie.

That is perhaps my favorite type of chocolate.

That is also the first gift she ever gave me.

Don't get me wrong, I am not yearning to get back together.

Its just a sweet thought how food can make you remember memories.

Nowadays, anything sweet, be it ice cream, red bean puff, yam mooncake or toast with kaya make me feel better.

As long as I have friends next to me.

hehe.

The day I went 'mad'

Yesterday, I went 'mad'.

I became angry over the smallest matters and I might have been over critical of 2 friends. I felt as though I was once again on an emotional roller coaster. I was moody. I was pissed. I was happy. I was sad.

Don't really know why. Maybe there is something on the back of my mind. Like how animals, like elephants and lions, go 'mad' if they had a prick in their foot.

I hope I don't remain in this stage for long.

RAH!!!!!!!!!!!

The 'Lost Pages' - A girl called Angeline

Angeline was my student.

I was her geography teacher.

She was probably my brightest student in my favorite class.

But I remember her not because of her intelligence ... but because of her change. Her change in her attitude towards her teacher.

When I started teaching my favorite class, I realized she would try to 'hide' her talents. Maybe she was frightened of being 'shot' a question. Maybe she was shy. But I knew from day to day events, she was the brightest kid in that class of 35.

For the remaining 3 weeks, She just kept quiet during lessons. But when I marked her work, I knew she was the brightest kid in that class. Even when I asked her to smile more and participate more, she would still remind silent but attentive in class. Maybe that is who she is. And I accept her for that.

The day I left the school, I never got to say good bye to her. As her classmates came up to say farewell, Angeline didn't appear. And I felt a bit lost that she didn't come to see me. I did.

And I left the school and my favorite class.

A few weeks later, as I was making my way to dinner around 5pm on a Friday. I saw Angeline.

I thought for a moment; 'Should I go up and talk to her'. Eventually I did.

"Why so late still never go home?"

And then, I saw the brightest kid of my favorite class smile at me like she never did before. And she wouldn't stop talking to me for that short 10 mins. That smile was probably the happiest 'image' in my memory in a long while.

Her bus came and it was time for us to part again. As I wished her goodbye and best of luck... Angeline asked if I was going to go back to teach them. I didn't give her an answer. I just couldn't. Up till now, I still can't. As your teacher, I am sorry I may have to break that promise we made in class.

The reason I posted this was because, Angeline wasn't the only kid in that class that changed. I guess I will always remember that bunch of 'monkeys' ... G***, A*****, W** A**, C*** R**, J***, C******, S******, M*******, H** C***, A****** ... etc.

I will always remember them, not their names but at least their faces. How we joked together, the 'stupid' jokes they cracked, how noisy they were, those who always slept during lessons, the little 'sharing' sessions with me ... most of all, how they changed, just like Angeline, the girl who wouldn't smile even when I encourage her, till we met again that fateful day.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, if you ever see this blog post. I wish you good luck in life. Do your best, I believe in you guys. Remember Mr Tan's 3 'R's. And most of all, keep smiling.'