Lost in AS2 03-02

Many people think that honours year is a tough year. Not utterly true... it is dammit blardee tough. It is so tough, for a few hours last week, I really felt like quitting the program. Thank gosh I am over that... or am I not?

I think people in honours year of NUS are mostly busy with readings and largely misunderstood... why?

People think that honours students are muggers... well, I admit I am preoccupied with readings most of the time. But I didn't chose to. I would love to enjoy my last year engaging myself for the last time in being an university student... however this is not going to happen. Unless I finish my readings. HaHa. TMD... then some people (most of time asked by a non-honours student / *at this point I must stress this is not a post to complain about anyone or to be biased against anyone. Its just one where I want to share my thoughts after a day of reading 3 tedious readings which I cannot see their link with society at all* ) will ask... 'Is it really crucial to do the readings? I don't ever finish readings I still can score in my exams.'

Yes, it is crucial to finish those blardee readings. Cause of two reasons. Firstly, the class is made up of highly intellectual students who are much more 'zhai' and 'scholarly' then me ( to begin with I was never smart). I am there to make the base of the grades given out during class. Well... trying being a once open and talkative student who suddenly became so quite in class... why? because the moment you want to share your thoughts and feelings be prepared to get 'shot' by the smarter kids. I don't blame them or anyone for my sad condition. So I have to work harder then I use to... so I can have ago at making statements in class once again... What I really enjoyed in the past *sigh*

Well it is also crucial to finish the readings... so you can survive the lesson the lecturer is trying to provide without being 'lost' as the blog post title suggests. Why do I feel so 'lost'? Firstly, the jump from level 1-3 thousand to level 4 thousand modules are just too great... Lets use some example to make this point more visible.

Example 1: Many students believe Geography mods in NUS are generally 'scoreable'. Yar, I do not disagree... you need not have prior knowledge in Geography to do well in some of the Mods... you can Ace it as well... Well not the case of Geography level 4 thousand mods... with great emphasis on 'Geographic thought' series of modules. I cannot cope with understanding the topics taught even with my 3 years experience as a Geography major. The jump is way too big.

Example 2: What is taught in level 4 thousand mods... is 'un-understandable'... Well can you imagine studying like the history of geographic research development? or would you every believe that my lecture notes have physics equations in them and that some Geography concepts are adapted from Newton's law of gravity? Even my classmates question... 'what is the point of studying these 'ancient' text when what is developed tomorrow will erase their applicability?' haha I totally agree with them....

yar so here I sit, at the lecturer's desk in Honours Room (AS2 03-02) thinking about the tough schedule ahead. How am I going to enjoy this semester if things go on like that? Well my answer now is, I just have to work harder... I believe in the human spirit's ability to propel me and I am praying that I actually start understanding rather then feeling 'lost'. And I hope what Yi-Fu, Tuan's (quoted below) defense of 'Humanistic Geography' does pay off for the requirements and madness I am exposed to in the Honour program.

"Self-knowledge (is) the prime reward of humanistic enterprise..."
Yi-Fu, Tuan, 1976

How much can you offend someone?

I offended someone yesterday... actually I offended quite a few lar. I think of late I been able to easily offend others... especially with my words and action. But I really wish I never had offended them. Cause they are my friends after all, especially to one person... an important little kid.

Maybe I not been watching my words. Well I think its just an old habit of mine... 'Not using my brain before I talk'. I remember back in OCS, one of our instructors... punished my platoon mate Arun by making him say: 'My mouth will get me into trouble'. I think this is true especially when the person you offended is your friend. No matter how strong my bond between my friends and I are, there is this level of expectation that is expect of you... Well like spidey's Uncle Ben said since the first episode of Spidey: 'With great power, comes great responsibility'. Very true right? With stronger friendship, comes greater expectations.

I think I need to rectify much of the shit that I have stirred. Cause I cannot afford the rift between my friends and I, especially at this moment when I need them the most. Maybe I should be like our nation, Singapore, be much more proactive then reactive... perhaps never reactive at all, cause I cannot bear to damage any of these important friendships I have.

All my life I been trying to change this bad habit of mine. I just don't really have a clear picture how or I haven't been doing a good job. Well, one of my best friends has constantly warned me about it. I think I need to reflect well on it. Maybe this week, I can begin by trying to start a 'non-offensive words campaign'. Dammit, I really regret my blardee actions.

I am sorry for all those hurtful words I said.
If letting you scream in the car till my ear drums burst
Or letting you play with the lights till they spoil
would make you feel better... Go ahead...
Cause I don't think I want to drive the car
with a quiet you that is disappointed at me
Sorry.

My neighbour, your noise and whining is missed.

I have neighbor, who doesn't right? But my neighbor is damm cools... or maybe she thinks she is lar. Her name is Carol Wong Wong Wong! 'wao ye chiu, bo ta ji!' (Directly translation from hokkien: my hand, no problem!) Just a brief intro to our experiences as neighbors... we are both from an elites organization: ' LAS Boy Girls' (LAS is Lor Ah Soo)... We both met at Arts Camp, she happens to be my 'boss' on many occasions ... well we enjoy talking rubbish on the way home from school and we both enjoy the company of the same group of friends (which most make up most of the audience of my poorly known blog haha)... Well thats almost all.

Recently we all know that Carol has flown off to Hong Kong for her exchange programme. That was yesterday. Well, to me, it sucks that she isn't here. Why? you all know the reason. Not only is her whining and noise producing capabilities missed dearly, she has taken flight with all the pictures that she promised and should have transferred. (Please send me photos of us... so I can show the worldwideweb who you are)

Well for me... Ah wong's is missed because she help me in a lot of ways. So this post is dedicated to My 'boss' Ah wong for all that she has done to brightened up my life.

Wongs, thanks for being the 'connector' to the youth in ARTS club for me. Obviously, among all my juniors, you helped to sync my aged with the rest. haha. I really don't know why back in 2004, you help me act as a 'bridge' to 26th, your OG people and the younger people. I really still don't understand why you will come befriend me. I am not from your OG or I never knew you personally before. Maybe its because we 'bleed blue' or I am your neighbor. Whatever it is... thank you k. Your friendliness has allowed me to know so many other friends I have today.

Wongs also help me grow a lot as a person. Though she is younger and so much more louder then me and many times 'childish', I feel that she is definitely more matured then me. Many things I learned from the young one. (Yoda speech) How to understand so many things I have difficulties understanding ... especially of late... I think she has shared with me some light I can view my personal problems. Thanks for your advice and the many warnings, opinions that you have given me... surely I pale in comparison to her as a listener and adviser.

Lastly, Thanks for being a neighbor and a friend. Its a sort of special thing someone wants to be and be known as your neighbor (not purely a spatial thing but actually befriending you. Come on, how many Singaporeans know their neighbors who live in HDBs?). I think we are both very proud to be LAS boy girls... the best neighborhood in Singapore. haha. I think among all the people in ARTS club, you shared the most stuff with me... be it stories, shopping stuff or those important/unimportant daily experiences... I think the most important thing is you shared and be bother.

Well now that you be missing in LAS boy girls, its only me in the neighborhood... and its been peaceful, too peaceful after only 1 day. haha. Its good that peace has been restored but it sucks to know that the only person I known as a neighbor isn't here. whats worst, when you come back, I don't know if you are still my neighbor cause you many shift... dammit right?

Well I think I getting emo here and furthermore, I think Carol Wong's head has been swelling while she is reading this.... so I shall stop, haha. Hey girl, come back soon. Its getting lonely knowing that a friend is aboard. You must take care, we will all miss you, I believe. Neighbors for life.

When you know of someone
whose once whining, harsh comments and noisy irritation
transforms to sweet sounding music
that relaxes your soul and allows you to find comfort
then you have found a true friend.
That I believe, I have found in you.

The Warped Guitar

Hey did you all know Fat Smoking Hamster loves music? Yes he does. Most of the time his life is pretty much plugged into music. Either through 'John Mayer' his amazing ipod, the voice of 'violet' or the wonderful radio stations on animal tunes. And yes, he loves the music produced by the guitar a lot, Such as the riffs, strumming and bass beats.

Fat Smoking Hamster has a guitar as well... or used to own one that produces sweet musical tunes. That was a beautiful guitar. As much as he tried in the past, he never was good at producing the tunes or understanding the guitar. After much frustration ... he slowly lostly interest in learning the guitar... he didn't practice or didn't maintain his beautiful guitar. But deep in his heart he loved his guitar a lot and even though he produced unearthly music most of the time, Fat Smoking Hamster felt that songs the guitar could produced was the best and special in many ways. haha.

During this period that he neglected his guitar, Fat Smoking Hamster spend his time with his animal friends and his daily everyday life, especially working at the cafe in animalville. But as much as he misunderstood guitar playing, he also didn't realize that within each instrument lies a sort of 'soul', one which is imaginary but true. This soul of the guitar is cultivated from moons of practice with the instrument; also known as 'seasoning'. And if you neglected this 'soul' the instrument will be 'warped' and unable to produce sweet tunes anymore. Sadly and unknowingly, Fat Smoking Hamster's guitar has slowly 'warped' and is unable to produce sweet tunes anymore.

Recently, as he was tired and looking for some form of leisure ... Fat Smoking Hamster suddenly rediscovered his love for his guitar. He rushed back to his cave and tried to play his guitar. But, he slowly discovered that the warped guitar could not produce tunes anymore. Fat Smoking Hamster was utterly sadden. He felt lost... his beloved guitar which he neglected has been warped and seemingly can never be repaired. For many moons, Fat Smoking Hamster laid hopelessly in his cave looking at his guitar... but there was nothing he can do but be heartbroken. Occasionally he teared...

Slowly, as much has he hated himself, Fat Smoking Hamster begun to slowly accept that the guitar can never be repaired. He also learned that the sweet tunes once produced by his beloved guitar can never be replaced. Buying a new guitar is never going to erased the sweet memories he had with his guitar and his guitar is the only instrument he adores. Fat Smoking Hamster is sadden once more... he knows that his friends are still trying to help him get over it or trying to repair the guitar by finding the mystical guitar repairman who appears only by tough chance.

He appreciates all around him but he feels that they should focus more into finding a way they can help in find happiness in some other way... thank you all the other little animals who have accompanied him. But the guitar can never be repaired unless there is a miracle the guitar is willing to repair itself by 'counter warping' back. But this happens only if the environment is favorable and the guitar wood is willing. For now Fat Smoking Hamster drowns himself in sorrow. He is lost and regrets neglecting his guitar. He hopes he can turn back time to save his beloved guitar. But this is impossible. Now days, musical tunes don't sound appealing anymore. Fat Smoking Hamster misses the good old days...

Some of the most beautiful things in life
are those you cannot obtain

Of Beefcakes, Ice Cream and a long walk

Saturday was terrible. I was late for work and work was so tough. Big O had so much business we hit the evening target during lunch. So hopefully... we hit the whole day target and I get an incentive. Damm was so bad... I couldn't even go for 'admin' time...

Well thanks to this phenomena of individuals getting hungry and meeting eat other for meals, I got a chance to meet up with Selena for dinner. We walked from Big O to Spize for dinner. But the bad day continues there.

Well for one... Spize begins operations at 6... but they would willing open the restaurant at 5 and set up their chairs. Well so dumb right. Whats the point of setting up chairs when your kitchen is not ready? Worst is they would not allow you to sit at their chairs because it would make early customers believe that they are ready to make business... come on, your the ones who want to invite unwanted attention by setting up the chairs. You setup chairs means that you want customers to seat right? Don't tell me you have to 'season' the chairs?

Well, after the boss gave some cork excuse... we decided to take a long walk to waste sometime... therefore we head down to great world city... Along the way there was some police incident nearby with the police condoning off the road towards a small alley... it was attracting a lot of attention from the public (which included 'kapo' us). We wanted to wait to see if there was more then meets the eye (like a murder or something like that) but we couldn't wait so we continued down to Great World City...

At Great World City... I made an amazing discovery... there is one particular CD SHOP... don't know which CD SHOP... don't think is THOSE CD SHOP ... i think it is THIS CD SHOP issit? It has an outlet at Pacific Plaza and Great World City... whatever, THIS CD SHOP has an amazing offer... 3 CDs for 49... well sounds cool right? but it is not... cause... if the CDs promoted are 20 bucks each... 3 CDs you will save 11 bucks.. but if you can get the CDs alternatively at 11.90 (Singapore edition versions, although those they sell are not Singapore edition but the more expensive international versions which come with lyrics... which I still find 11.90 ones more worth it) you make a lost of 13.30. And most titles under this 3 CDs for 49 can be found at 11.90 prices... damm cunning lar THIS CD SHOP... haha

So back to Spize after an hour of walking... then we realize... no goreng stuff ... only prata, western food and drinks... cause the gas and walk tap burst... that was what the earlier police incident was about! It seems that some construction caused a burst in the pipes... damm it... we had to wait for the gas and water to be reconnected...

But then... while I was waiting with Selena at Spize... I saw a rather familiar big head lady, Ooi Swilin... her ford focus and 'Beefcake' matt! Woohoo! wow so lucky to bump into them... what is more disgusting was... we had the same plans to head down to the Ice Cream Gallery after dinner!

Well, Spize dinner tasted great, as usual... but there were so queries to the meal... Firstly... where did the water come from to make the drinks? Is my 'teh' made from really mud water? secondly... how come got prata but no goreng... doesn't both need fire to cook... and if the gas is off... why only got prata, why can't they use the same fire to goreng? thirdly... the waiter said no goreng right? then why I saw malays at the restaurant eating mee goreng and nasi lemak? was there racial discrimination? Whatever it is... dinner was good with great company... so nothing more I can ask for... what more... after dinner... Ice Cream Gallery here we come!

After the meal, ice cream and saying bye to the 'Low family', I walked home with Selena in an attempt to lose the fats we consumed... I don't really know if it was a good day or not... cause I was too tired to decide... but I know I felt happy. I agree with Swi that it was nice catching up on old times together... and because of recent events, I sort of distance myself from the past and my friends. I don't know how long I need before I can start being as happy as before... that is why I could not decide if the day was good... It just bothered me that I am losing control of myself...

But well, there are other things to cheer about now days. I have a supportive family, I know that now because of late Mr and Mrs Tan have done so much but kept quiet about it... I have my 'little niece' to make me happy, thanks Selena for being my good friend and being so understanding cause you know what shit I am going through. And all my other friends... I really want to thank you all for just being there. I think I know who I really can count on... You amazingly want to help me... thanks.

No matter how rational people ask me to be... I think I am an emotional person... And I will continue to be like that... so please don't advise me unless I ask you too... Stop trying to ask if I am okie if you don't intend to be sincere as a friend... let me grow the way I find suitable for me... this msg is not intended at anyone... but as a precaution in case I piss people off.

I think I am running out of ideals to continue this blog other then telling you guys my life from a 'food perspective'. haha. Life is so 'eventless' other then food stuffs. Well maybe I should stop blogging about food soon.

I cannot find spring,
so don't think that i have found one.
Cause Winter is still here,
and its going to be a long, long one.

Project WHITE ROOM - Update 1

A few full moons ago, I told Ivan that I would clean up my room... well, I decide to begin with that project today. O its called Project WHITE ROOM (not sure why but recently colourful stuff have lost my interests... I only like black and white stuff now... well black is obviously not a good colour cos it 'reduces' the size of your room and its damm hot. so I decided to repaint my room white.)

Project WHITE ROOM will take a few days... over a few months... as it is... now is clean up phase... next week is throw away old stuff phase... then clean up again... the re-organize phase and paint room phase will be in term break. Okie thats the plan... whether it happens or not is another thing.

So to motivate me and ensure I clean up by painting phase... I will blog about my progress (this will be shown with 'before and after' photos)... so I present to you all... Update 1

Update 1
Task: Clean up area that looks dis organized and messy

Report: The starting wasn't easy cause... my room is really in a mess... there is dust everywhere... and many discount coupons, nets receipts, tissue paper and stuffies from god knows when... some date back to 2003.... But then i felt full energized and charge to clean up this ordeal... haha

Case Study 1:

Before the clean up

After clean up

Okie if you cannot see the difference I forgive you... cause my room is still quite messy. Well I took 3 hours to reconfigure my space... and DUST off a lot of stuff. And I threw away lots of trash. And yes... i vacuum my room... after a year of accumulating the dust...

Case Study 2:

Before clean up: Magazines back dating from 2003

After clean up: Reconfiguration to the rescue!

The space which influenced me the most to clean up. I had to clear out all the back dated magazines... so I can easily put my bags underneath the table. This would help me reduce the messiness in the room as I am super prone to throwing my bags all over the place. Now i can throw them under the table and retrieve them with ease! And so now I got some good stuff to give away. ANYONE WANTS: FHM magazines (got a few special editions)? MEN HEALTH magazines? MAGAZINE ORGANIZERS (those in orange and blue underneath the table in the before clean up picture)? Please let me know by next week... cause next week I am going to throw away a lot of shit. haha


Case Study 3:

Before clean up: Can you see the floor?

After clean up: Yes... I have a carpet underneath those trash

Yes, to the highlight of the afternoon, after 2 hours of work... I manage to see my carpet once again... haha. I have been so lost and disorganized, I just dump every 'log, stock and barrel' on the floor. but now i can see the carpet again. Long before, my friends used to enjoy lying on the carpet and would play Playstation 2 from there. But since it got messy I never invited them over again. Well, I think when the Nitendo Wii and Playstation 3 arrive... I will invite people to come hang out again...

O, these are the best example from this week's clean up. Well more is set to come... and then again... I don't know if i will be dead tired next week. And if you would love to help me paint my room... during the holidays, let me know haha... I need a few friends to help me ease the pain/paint haha.

Geez... I really been off with regards to this blog. But then again now is a busy period... will blog more soon.

Feast of Fury - Fury of fatty foods that is....

Eating ... that what I been up to recently... well actually its because I been meeting up with a lot of friends which some will be leaving Singapore, and there have been many events recently, thats why I had a lot of opportunity to pig... As everything seems to be moving on so fast since school reopened... I don't have time to blog... sobs man. So this is yet again a belated blog post... and I will use my 'Feast of Fatty Foods' to summarize the past week.

Well... it all began... on Friday? (maybe Thursday cause of supper at Newton but already placed a blog about that, yars yars thats when I last left a blog post...) So friday... was hanging out with the Gabrielites. We had PRATA and ended the evening with a DOTA session haha ... perhaps Laremy, Yanhe, Dex and Jon are my group of best friends in the history of my life. Yars we been together for 10 yrs already. I think it isn't easy to be friends for so long, credit goes to them... not me cause they been the ones who ensure this friendship goes on... Thanks Pals.

Then next was Saturday. The day begun with work at Big O. Then i met up with the Geo Kids - Geraldine and Joey Gan! Well Geri is heading down to Zambia... some where in Africa... so we meet up for a meal at THAI EXPRESS... don't know when she will be back man... hope she will be fine. O yar the curry laksa at Thai Express is good lar, go try it... you won't regret. And yes... remember to copy the aunties/tai tais and use your bag to cover your shirt/blouse so the curry won't stain your stuff. haha.

Saturday was also ARTS BASH... so yar more alcohol... and please when you club/drink with Josh, there isn't a doubt someone will get drunk but then again its because Josh is around there will always be drinking games to play and someone to facilitate the buying of alcohol and the calculation of what quantity of alcohol to buy... well not to mention someone who will drink with you till someone is drunk haha. don't know why recently been drinking way excessively... thats why the fats don't burn down. Well... the Fat level for that day doesn't end there... we had supper at NEWTON.... shuts.

Then it was... Sunday? (haha damm... still long before the end of the blog post... but I am starting regret what i ate) Sunday began with lunch with SRJC Odacians... o my gosh... we had CRYSTAL JADE LA MIAN can... cos Peng Kiat would be going to the UK for 2 yrs course... so yars, we went there for Chinese food. I still enjoy the noodles there... they rock k... so is their boiled chicken soup! after lunch I head home to rest before I went out with Ivan to have dinner at NEW YORK! NEW YORK! .... had fish and chips... stomach too full to eat other greasy food... though I know fish and chips sounds sinful... but the rest.... look worst k... o yar... the manage to eat deserts too... fried Mars bar anyone? O one thing I like about NYNY is... they have a damm cosmopolitan team of servers... there was Africa Black who loved pouring water, an middle aged Indian man who tried to blend with the youngsters, a Chinese guy who was frightened by me... a local Malay manager which spoke 'Queen's English' and A Filipino which spoke some form of broken English... a bit Hispanic in tone (Sorry Sir... closing kitchen... any last order?)

Yes we are at Monday... but monday... is no better... because... I went to NYDC - BIG O DINNER AND DANCE at the Carlton Hotel.... help me how not to escape the buffet? and there was free flow red wine and beer... poor liver of mine...

Tuesday! wow I thought i manage to escape food cos the only matter at hand was OG outing at Minds cafe... but please lar... after OG outing... we went to BRAHAUS BAR... and indulge in a variety of foods... such as meats and sausages... help... there was beer as well... not again...

Wednesday... was food hunt day with Selena. We went for ice cream at the ICE CREAM GALLERY ... wow the ice cream is just getting better... and bigger. Try pistachio it really has this amazing flavor. Rum and Raisin is good as well, if u like big raisins, this is the store to visit... Then we proceed on to PRATA before going to end the food hunt with BAK KUT TEH at Balastier...

Thursday... was a relatively less furious day as compared to the previous day... but still not fat free.. haha went to BEN AND JERRYS with Becks and had BURGER KING in school with Selena. o no... I need help... haha

Okie. the Feast of fury has ended... but the weekend is here... that means... more food... I think i need to eat grass soon... haha. Luckily I manage to have less fatty stuff during normal meals and exercise within this period. Well, I am grateful for all this meals with friends, cause we manage to catch up a lot with one another... and I know when tutorial begins for most of them, such outings would be highly impossible... Okie I think I end here... for the day. When I get most of the photos I shall blog about this amazing fatty period again. haha. For now lets live on the Fatty dream... cause as I grow fat... at least I know I spent time with you guys.

'Thin people are beautiful, but fat people are adorable.'
Jackie Gleason

Campus Security - A system that is irritating

Well neatly dressed in white shirt and dark blue pants are our ever unfriendly security guards from campus security... well what motivated me to write this post is a persistent security guard who stood at my favourite smoking spot in school, LT11 ... that idiot stood there for like 5 mins and refuse to leave... and obvious gave me the... 'what is he up to stare'. so I didn't get a chance to light up my fag... damm him k...

Lucky got Yikang, Yi en and Mingli who walked past... if not he might have booked me for possession of a bomb...

I don't really know what is happening to Campus Security... recently it seems that there has been great structural and man power changes in the Department... the 'service' that the department is suppose to provide has sadly lowered in standard as well. I remembered we use to have friendly Uncle Rahim in the night... who doesn't fault you unless you are stirring big s***. And yes he makes a personal effort to remember who you are, though he might forget your name... he will remember your face and your friendliness towards him.

Now days we have idiots... who, instead of protecting students from whatever, seem to be protecting themselves from the lost of their job if the conduct of students are seen as 'improper'. Instead of protecting us from fear... they are instilling fear into students... especially certain minority or 'unlikables' label people by the school admin such as smokers Well... don't tell me they are professional... cause I ever saw a security guard smoke in front of me... so yar, where has the 'service' gone to? Service for students or service to the remarks of the school admin?

Then we have the significant handover of managing carpark duties to Sembcorp... another 'top down' bully... please man since their arrival, student's welfare have been extorted! Come on... your carpark charges have increased, you don't raise your gantries after 8, you wish you can suck the pockets dry of all supposedly rich kids who drive (not everyone is rich k.. I have to work to maintain Violet k) and lastly were has all the human nature gone since this corporate swap?

Then again... isn't the swap over suppose to allow the poor old security guards more rest? or allow them more time to see into their duties? Hey wake up your Blardee idea k ... stop using the extra time to slack (such as 'guard on duty prowling pls call 6*******' come on were got prowler on duty use fix cable number? then when you call them, the next moment some guard walks out of the door that pasted that notice! A**) Please they should give us better service and smile more since they are less tired nowdays....

O did I mention how rude these new guards have been? They seem to believe not in giving second chances... or that friendly smile that once was given (so now courtesy campaign/ courtesy propaganda not promoted by the 'garment' so people heck care lar?) Doesn't the almighty NUS know that a proper system show have both hard and soft approaches?

Damm man... students watch out!

Can't get enough of happy food

You can't get enough of happy food... so often you will revisit your favourite restaurants. Thats why food lovers such as me continue to gain weight... damm. haha

We were so impressed with 'Food for Thought' Selena and me went back to the cafe the day after we patronized the cafe for the first time. This time we brought Yikang and Yong Qian along. I think the both of them are food lovers as well... and yar they enjoyed the place alot. We will bring the rest there sometime soon...

'Food for Thought' is a small cafe with a modest menu. Although the selection is small... their food rocks... so do their desserts... I think if you have a party of 4 it is a good option to visit 'Food for Thought'. Try their sampler combination for 2... and top up with desserts that would make it a good tea time get together place. O did I mention about the good service they have? You must be there to believe me.

Well too bad for Yikang and Yong Qian, 'Food for Thought' run out of Southern Red Velvet cake... that cake generated so much demand, I overheard a few customers at the cafe requesting for the cake... just to be disappointed, like us, to find out that there was no more... luckily we were able to satisfy our dessert demand by going to 'Ji De Chi' which was just 2 streets away. I still want my Southern Red Velvet cake... I will be back for more!

Trying not to smile - Yikang

Oriental Chicken Salad

Food that make your taste buds go insane

In the end it is always desserts



"150807 - Huishi and Uncle Tan - We will be back tomorrow"
'Food for Thought' Guest Book

Animals munch out at Thomas Edison!

The beach goddess, whinny pussy is leaving the Eropagnis forest... she will be away for 4 months to shop for nuts, precious stones and wool in the fashion market place of Gonk Gnoh (sounds like a dumbo aka gong gong)... So Fat, smoking Hamster and some other animals decided to go for supper with her before she leaves... not that they really will miss her but They were actually hungry as well... haha ...

The Munch out party was at Thomos Edison ... well as usual, being hip animals with no sense of time... most of the animals were late... but whinny pussy was ultimately late. She even made Fat, smoking Hamster offer her a ride in his cute, cool purple toy car, Violet.

As we all expected, no one has a feast with out any conversation (who in the right mind goes to a munch out just to eat and stare at each other?). Well not all the conversation was spent only talking about global climate change in the forest, current updates to acornball 'Lion with a crown' league or rising water levels around Eropagnis ... there were also lessons to be learnt, daily matters of gathering nuts and *poo* reflecting ... I tell you... the place was damm smelly.

Well obviously one lesson we must learn was mentioned by the wise old owl ... He was describing how we cannot think too highly of the nuts or furs that we have... recalling one of his
wiser older owl like teachers in primary school, wise old owl advise the animals:

'When an animal thinks it is the smartest animal in the world, that animal is the stupidest animal in the world'

Fat, smoking Hamster heard that statement and applauded wise old owl. The other animals also agreed at the topic at hand.

Actually the Munch Out was not all wise and teaching day... it was also a day to give in to the emo monster. well... this mystical monster resides in every animal... it is a matter of how big this emo monster is able to develop in everyone... For example: the Emo monster in welfare beaver is a huge and scary one while the emo monsters in Alligator 1 and Alligator 2 are very small, skinny and ugly (well Alligators don't shed tears, isn't it obvious hur?)

It could be seen that on this gathering of the animals... the long ear, not a horse or a pig, rabbit (who was a minister at the Pub) was suffering due to official matters and the slow spread of dark matter and rotting smell within the Pub... long ear, not a horse or a pig, rabbit was so affected he could not finish his nuts... and the usually very noisy minister was relatively quiet during the Munch Out...

The Munch out ended with a chill out session at the bridge were 'saltwater meets freshwater' ... one of those place were Fat, smoking Hamster recalled to be very familiar... it seem to be one of those places he used to frequent other animals including his love. Well that particular bridge seem to allow the animals to further reflect themselves in the water... the conversations became more light hearted as well.

On the way home, Alligator 1, Whinny Pussy and Fat, smoking Hamster had a emo song singfest... and boy no matter how terrible the singing was... the emo monster was able to engulf even the happiest of hearts... but eventually... Whinny Pussy's whinnying helped Fat, smoking Hamster to stay focus on his way home. Fat, smoking Hamster appreciated Whinny Pussy's help and he will miss the whinnying when Whinny Pussy moves out of the neighbourhood for the next 4 months. Sobs. Finally, after a eventful outing Fat, smoking Hamster was so tired, he slept on his cozy straw bed ... all through the night...

I want to live again...

While visiting 'Food for Thought' with Selena today... I realise I want to start living again... I want to have a cafe like 'Food for Thought'. I believe that being sadden for so long why I decided to live on is because there are many other dreams I have that I want to accomplish. I feel empowered by rediscovering such goals in life. Now I feel i can breath easier...

Selena and the 'Happy Food'

Monster attack! - World Class Southern Velvet Cake

Happy to be here

O Yar... We love the place so much we are going back with Yikang tomorrow. And I want to bring all my friends to this cafe which made me find myself again.

And Yes... Yikang is an idiot...

Leon PM 11:31
tomorrow only u me and huishi

haiku PM 11:32
okay
u 2 r not going to bring me to somewhere to beat me up right

A barrage of things

So much has past by this week... I don't tell I can tell what has happen... well I cannot recall also haha. But lets just do a quick recap...

Well there was o week and stuff which much has been mentioned.... however the best or happiest moment has to be Carol wong's birthday... Carol is 21... yar but she walks like an auntie and acts like a big kid. well she is going off... I think i will miss my neighbour... damm. Her birthday must have been the most outrageous and memorable we even planned.... It happened during the o week BBQ. We drove up the slope in Violet were the entire o week was barbecuing and played Mayday's 'Happy Birthday' while all the headlamps and hazard lights were on. haha... And please Carol wong's cake was how ugly... cause her photo was on the cake ... Bleah

Okie then was Rag and Flag day which happened last Saturday ... Never had I been so proud to be an ARTS student... cause we had the loudest and best cheers compared to the other faculties and halls... please lor... the others were using cheers that we stop cheering 3 years ago and they were of secondary school standard... haha but ultimately I was sadden because ARTS didn't manage to get any of the awards up for grabs... but please, I think we deserve the LOUDEST faculty, best effort and Best supporters award ... if they had such an award. haha

I think it hasn't been easy to go back to school. Some what or another... I just felt... something is missing. Maybe I haven't rest enough. Maybe some friends have left. Maybe I just feel left out... I don't really know. But I know I am bothered. Despite that, I feel happy to be back. There are friends, both new and old, who I wish to meet up with. There are things that I long to do, like suppers, tea breaks and ice cream trips out of school. This is the last lap and I am not going to foil it ... a lot of goals have been set by myself and I really wish that nothing too negative will happen.

The road ahead has been chosen, what happens along it... is only left to be discovered and experienced in the future... for now lots still wonder in my head ... a barrage of feelings... and so little time to be left wondering.

Falling

Fat, smoking Hamster is sad... Fat, smoking Hamster doesn't know how to tell anyone what is wrong ... cos Fat, smoking Hamster doesn't know what is wrong ... wait maybe he knows... but he doesn't know how to deal with it.

Fat, smoking Hamster knows that since he lost his love one... he feels that he has plunged into a deep hole... sadly he has been falling deeper into this hole... and many times he has irritated his love one and therefore dug himself deeper into this hole.

Someone please save Fat, smoking Hamster ... he wants to be happy again... to be able to see the sunlight from above...

Its like a rubber ball

The human spirit is like a rubber ball - at least thats what I feel and have gone through.

For the past few days, the world went kuku I tell you ... had to find last min guarantors for my MOE TA. Got into a mini accident while sleeping behind the wheel after rag. I got 2 crazy seminars which left me lost, I wondered should I just have filed for graduation haha. then I had to deal with the car repairs got irritated with a highway hooligan. Missed her, just like everyday. I felt my head compress and stuff, I really felt an all time low ... so much so I went into emo mode on sunday... only to be saved by becks and Ice cream.

Being bombarded by so much stuff, I am glad that I was able to recover... not sure how, but after I called her to apologize for an earlier flair of emotions ... I got much better... in fact i felt like i was floating... haha really high k.

the human spirit is like a rubber ball... no matter how hard you squeeze it (pressure, stress and emotions) ... it will never break... it will compress and absorb all forms of pressure. Till the point when an opposing force (relief, happiness and love) is applied the rubber ball (the human spirit) bounces back.

I know some of my friends are down now... this post is for you guys, believe in the human spirit, you all will get better soon or latter. In the mean time... friendship can help you as an 'opposing force'. Fight on.

For myself now, I am feeling better... but I know, that soon I will be 'squeezed' again ... till I found peace, love and harmony

"I am fairly agile
I can bend and not break
Or I can break and take it with a smile
And I am so resilient
I recover quickly
I'll convince you soon that I am fine "

Bend and Not Break - Dashboard Confessionals

'Mei you le' but got Mayonnaise

'Mei you le' is a private joke that has been going around ... basically poking fun at 'Tua Dao' (big head... one of Fat, smoking Hamster's friends) Fat, smoking Hamster think its time we try to joke about it less... and actually review it ... cause it really brings along a lot of other meanings ...

It is really no more... or is it? Sometimes Fat, smoking Hamster doesn't know how to react to it... Fat, smoking Hamster wishes it goes on but at times Fat, smoking Hamster wanna wash his hands off Pub matters... Fat, smoking Hamster think its time for the New animals to shine but sometimes Fat, smoking Hamster feel there is a lot more Fat, smoking Hamster can offer... Hiya messy lar

Anyways ... Fat, smoking Hamster thinks whenever Fat, smoking Hamster speaks of 'Mei you le' joke... Fat, smoking Hamster will remember all the tears that have been shed... yes, we are all emo inside... we all cry. even those who don't cry, Fat, smoking Hamster is sure inside you... you cried. Cause the feeling of leaving is never easy.

Thanks to Tua Dao's joke... Fat, smoking Hamster manage to recall these moments in a more cheerful way. Thanks to all the other animals friends who have drunk with Fat, smoking Hamster in the Pub before... it was lovely moments.

Fat, smoking hamster and the Highway Hooligan

As you all know, Fat, smoking Hamster went on a food hunt recently with his group of cockles during the amazing orientation weekend. Yar he got his purple toy car bang by the Highway Hooligan, Eddie the Malay Zoo Keeper.

Now Eddie the Zoo Keeper was a notorious Highway Hooligan. Not only did he refuse to apologize for banging the front bumper of Fat, smoking Hamster's purple ride, he even accused Fat, smoking Hamster of trying to cheat his Nuts ... He claim that Fat, smoking Hamster had got his bumper bang a few days earlier by some other hooligan and refuse to pay Fat, smoking Hamster his nuts. well Fat, smoking Hamster was obviously furious cause he had his purple toy car checked by his toy master a few days ago... he tried to argue back but no matter how much reasoning he gave Eddie... the idiot refuse to listen... maybe he can only understand Malay...

Well, Fat, smoking Hamster went to the toy master yesterday... and he realized that to repair his beloved purple toy car would cause 180 nuts... damm that Eddie...

So he sms Eddie for payment... but Eddie once again tried to play punk and replied:
"i rest my case"

this time Fat, smoking Hamster dulan.... he decided to complain Eddie the Zoo Keeper to the Head Zoo Keeper of Premafast. But Fat, smoking Hamster knows that Eddie will probably get away without paying 180 nuts... but Fat, smoking Hamster hopes Eddie might break a leg or lose a bud cheek along the way ... He deserves to be punish for being a Highway Hooligan... even though Eddie sarcastically sms Fat, smoking Hamster a sorry in the middle of the night.

Well the return of Fat, smoking Hamster was inspired by Chongs... but the rest of this post is serious. Next time if you meet up with a similar incident (someone bang you or you accidentally bang someone) follow this few steps

1. Ensure no one is hurt
2. Immediately take a picture with your camera/ camera phone
3. TRY negotiate NICELY with the other party
(you might end up with 2 possible scenarios (a) or (b) )

4a If the asshole wants to settle out of court/law immediately ask for his/her particulars and make him sign a IOU if possible ( I would not advise this... cause there are a lot of faceless sh*ts like Eddie out there)

4b If the other party ends my to be difficult to deal with ... immediately ask for his/her particulars ... try to copy the vehicle plate number or remember the other parties company if he/she is wearing a uniform or happens to drive a company vehicle... MOST IMPORTANTLY make an immediate police report with 24 hours and call up your insurance company...

5 Say byebye to that person

Yes these advise are written in pain so please take precaution about such incidents and drive safely.

Blue forever!

Well, I haven't been posting... cause i was away for a while. Yar many of you know I was at O week ... yes my last O week... And it hasn't been an easy time faced with all the problems I had. but from a micro perspective ... it was the best O Week as a councilor, all thanks to Si Hum OG for always being so funny and jovial ... you freshies really gave your senior here his best moments in an O week OG.

You are my Si Hum!

I also enjoyed every moment I got to spend with the seniors and Lao Laos namely Hocky, Chongs, Bobs, Weilong, Lao Yes, josh, khid, Pei yong, Pei hong, Rols, Bit, Michelle, Shuning. I really appreciate the times we spent during this period... Beerfest, smokefest, tuangfest and whatever funny moments together.

And to Camy, Tien Kwan G, Weijie, Huixiang, Daphne, harris and some of the 27th MC members, thanks for the fun, respect and acknowledgments you all have given to the Lao Laos and me. I am really happy to be there one last time with you all.

Despite what is happening in my private life ... FOP seemed to be able to perk me up every now and then. There were many situations and moments in this O Week that has left me and eternal picture in my mind. Moments such as the Last tag of war, Camy asking me to give the last S House speech, being a Lao Lao, getting disturb by juniors... and many others...

The house of Blue

Well I think this will really be the final FOP for me. I want to say a big, big thanks to everyone who has been there during ... I think FOP is a celebration of friendship. Over the years, no matter how much FOP drains out of me... I know that the thought of going through FOP with friends and meeting new friends is one of those things that keep me going on in University...

It saddens me to know that this is the Last FOP for me... FOP gave me everything I had outside academic life, it gave me friends, family and most of all, a chance to love her... I will miss this faculty club... and because of ARTS Club and FOP... I learned how to be a true ARTS student. All things must end... so now that FOP is ending... I think its time I slowly learn how to leave the faculty but I know I have one final year to enjoy the friendships which begun from FOP

"Where you can always find me
And we'll have Halloween on Christmas
And in the night we'll wish this never ends
We'll wish this never end"

I Miss You - Blink 182

Multiple Stab wounds

I think all human beings get hurt in the heart somewhere in their live. I got hurt the most last week, on the 6th of Aug.

It was suppose to be one of the happiest days in my life; I finally received the MOE Teaching Award. But as I was sitting there with my award, I felt kinda lost ... because back then when we were together, I wanted this award a lot more so I could give her a better life in the future, especially after her dad's death and how she told me all the empty promises her dad gave. I really wanted to do well in life, so I could give her what she wanted. This award lifted that pressure... but she isn't here beside me anymore.

Feeling lost, I decided to sms her what I felt. But in the end over the phone, I was put down by her words many time; I was given multiple stab wounds and there I laid, disappointed from all rejection there was at that moment but I still held on to the hope of being together.

The worst was, she didn't believe that I broke up because I believed she would be happier without me cause I would only tied her down. She believed I had my own agendas. I felt very hurt by that because... I never felt she misunderstood me so much. I think generally I try to place everyone I cared for in front of me... including her.

I survive the attack... I am still here. Though there is a lot of doubt in me... I still hold on to the fine strands of hope. My friends ask me to move on ... but I know what my heart wants. And no matter what wounds I receive... I think they can only be healed when I receive forgiveness from her... which without, I doubt I can move on...

For now I wish there would be less hurt and anger in the world around her. I know she isn't having the best of times... I just can hope she is able to get good rest and less stress from work. On my part... I believe withdrawing is the best I can offer her...

Ice Cream that can kill you

Ice cream has always been a huge favorite of many people. Some people consider it 'happy food' or 'comfort food'. Yar, I think ice cream really helps one to remain happier. Ice cream happens to be 'happy food' for some of my friends and me. So when we are down we eat ice cream.

On Sat however, I felt I ate the best ice cream I ever had in my life. It was found at the 'Ice Cream Gallery' off river valley road. The ice cream is think and tasty ... and the flavors are rich in its own unique way. Only off point is ... the ice cream seems to be oily... not sure why.

The ice cream helped me relieve one whole day of stress and fatigue but it also made me damm sleepy. So sleepy that I dozed off a couple of times driving home haha. And before the ice cream I was actually rather hungry... but the ice cream made me damm full I had no space for any food at all.

Yar so 3 cheers for ice cream for I can depend on it to rock my life on a bad day!

PSI 3.0: An evolution story gone wrong...

Long time ago... in a not so far away land of eropagniS ... in a scholarly place named SUN, there was a Pub called Club ARTS ... were a Fat, smoking Hamster hanged out in... as time went by... this Fat, smoking Hamster met many other animals... and became friends with them...

One day in the summer of 2006, on invitation and direction of his friends, he was asked to be in charged of a activity for the up and coming 'gathering of the newbies' camp.... but the problem was he had to wrack his old brains to come up with a new activity that would make his newbies happy at the camp... But after many difficulties and assistance from the Lovely MOO and Baddie Fugly ... he came up with a totally new game which most of the newbies and animals in Club ARTS liked!

well the animals partied and they continue to be happy for a year... then suddenly Fat, smoking Hamster realized his activity was put down by another group of new animals in Club ARTS ... called the 'they think they are very good' animals... now these group of people are not evil or wicked they are just a bit high and over confident (or least they showed it that way) ... and he started to smell a very strong stench of decay coming from somewhere within the Pub...

He wondered why... was his original creation treated with so little respect... after all it was his brainchild and it always made others happy... then he realized... as much as he loved his newbies a lot... he cannot directly confront their decisions ... He felt unwanted due to the actions of 'they think they are very good' animals... he was old and had no power anymore... maybe he drank too much and smoked too much as well.. haha

But he realize he was not alone... recently a lot of his friends in Club ARTS have been very unhappy with the new animals... Just that the new animals would not listen or consult these oldie animals... or the feared/ dread the scolding from the oldie animals...

Fat, smoking hamster wanted to tell his newbies... no matter how difficult it is... there must be respect for seniors and individual's efforts... He also knows that by over criticizing the new animals... it would not benefit them. He just wish that the new animals know that progress for the Pub is very important and they should not do it on their own... they need the help of other animals... not only the young but the experience... o yar Fat, smoking hamster also wishes the decaying smell in the Pub is discovered and gotten rid off...

'The Young should listen to the Old and the Wise
The Old should learn from the Young and the Creative
But both should learn to respect one another and Communicate'

Crazy Sat

If someone ask you what you did on an O week Sat... it has to be boring right? Who the hell goes back to O week on Sat. Well just attend one and tell me the difference. haha.

For me, i manage to drive 13 people around school in a 5 seater car ... hopefully no one from the Tan Family sees this... Drove 8 noisy people from place to place ... Had to reject work because I could not leave the OG and we were having too much fun. Played OG games at 'The Roti Prata Place'. Got to spend 15 dollars in all on cashcard, at the same time learned about all the parking fees in town area... Eat at many famous places during food hunt ... from North to Central to the East of our island.

Got my car bumped by an idiot from the front. Luckily no one was hurt. Just that the blardee idiot acted like nothing happen ... but obviously deny everything... well I am not going to contact him personally but I am going to complain straight to his office HQ... He obviously reversed into my car when I was stationary with 7 people in my car (my angel witnesses)... and yet he can show his 'yaya papaya' attitude... like he knows everything when my dad is a mechanic and I just went to my workshop last week to check on my body kit TMD*

I will make sure you get a dressing down from your boss... If you are nice to me and apologized... I just might have given you a comment card.

Well after that I was damm shaken k... I could not stop thinking about it... well, make it was also driving for 5 hours straight that made me tired... I really want to sleep... but I can't cause the program has not ended... I was so tired I left my car keys at the hawker center table... and left for my car. When I found out I left my keys there ... I ran back... Thanks to a stall owner who kept my keys... if not I would have to do guard duty... and get a serious dressing down...

We traveled back to school from Novena with 10 people in a 5 seater ... and had many great laughs on the way. Honestly... I never had so much fun in a long long time. Thank you Si Hum... You guys rock k.

Cold Joke of Leon
A: Serious, I think we should do this...
B: Sirrus Black isn't in the car.

I am happier, I believe

Things are better now.

I get to be with all my freshies once again at my last O Week... I really love being in the same OG with Carols, Joshua, Khid, Lao Ye, William and PY ... cause we worked together on many occasions but never in the same OG ... and 3 years in the making ... we are finally in the same OG. Haha!

And it is the first time I can meet new freshies in peace... cause I can finally enjoy FOP without a leadership post. Yeah! Things are going fine in O Week... just that i feel we show have more free time to do silly things as a House/ OG and among friends.

Because of the above... I have been caught on many occasions singing to the tunes at Big O... Not only my colleagues noticed that, even a customer ask me: Why are you so happy? I, myself, am amazed to find a new energy that wakes me up to a happy smile. That gives me strength to act like a little kid at O week. And I am happy once again ... to serve my faculty as a senior despite my 8 AM - 3 PM councillor role and my 5 pm - 10 PM waiter role every other day... something I still cannot explain how.

And yes... She is talking to me. That is the most important thing in my life at the moment. Thats all I wish for. That is what keeps me smiling everyday and every moment.

Happy Birthday Matt!

Today is Matt's birthday. I think Matt is the most gentleman freshie/ friend i ever had. In fact... i am like totally amaze at the stuff he does for others. He is ultra considerate and there is much for me to learn from him. I will remember as him being the nicest dude to pray for me when I was angry... Thanks Matt and Happy Birthday. I seriously want to go for the wedding where Charz will be MC!

Hopefully I Get To Be There - Matt, His Other Half Swi and the MC Charz

I feel a bit nostalgic

I think life is different now. As in this current small period in time.

Well I hang out with different group of friends now. I do miss my old group of friend. I hope we get a chance to hang out soon. Well... I just want to tell the old group of people: Guys its our last year to play! So yar... lets do more monkey stuffies together haha!

Buddies for Life

My Arts Club Monkey Friends

I think I have a curse/ gift in me

In case you all haven't realize... your pal here is sick... yes he is suffering from Insomnia. I don't know when I got this curse/ gift... I just know since sometime after army... I have this amazing gift to stay wide awake in the middle of the night. I would have so much energy and adrenaline I can't sleep... now I learned that this is no gift... it is a curse. Believe me... I am still wide awake at 5 am in the morning... what is worse is I just finished 2 movies. I don't want medicine. Someone help me.

Sometimes I just don't speak the truth... you know it cause you know the real me

I admit... I did and said the worst things to her... but I also admit... I have been lying not to her only but to myself. And for this I suffer a fate worst then death. I miss her, I do.

I believe people lie... they do... but I also believe a person's lies or actions are not a way to judge him/her... it is his/her's intentions I believe that speak the character of one's self...

I suffer from such a crime. Mish, I lied to you when I told you I wanted to break up and ask you to move on. It made you sad, cry and lost for a period of time. That is a painful regret I have to live with today ... because I never intended for that. You ask yourself ... Is that person who broke up with you the real Leon who loves you and put you in all aspects of his life? only you will know the answer.

I am sorry I had to break your heart... I just don't know how to tell you the truth hidden in me. And when i wanted to tell you the truth... it was too late. Maybe I didn't know I took too long. Maybe I didn't realize I would hurt you more then help you. Maybe I was wrong to lie to you, in order for you to be happier. But I know the truth... I just didn't say... I wanted you to be happy but because I was confused, worried and frightened I would waste your time and youth ... thats why I lied to let you go.

I had to lied because I cared too much for you. That is the truth. The truth is also the one thing that keeps this idiot very much alive ... waiting for the girl that he loves the most.

I needed some help and a lot of luck ... well amazingly it came

Yesterday, I almost couldn't have gotten through the night... I don't know why but something amazingly happened...

It all started during work at Big O. Working at Big O is not only physically straining ... its mentally painful as well. Because when ever I work there, I will think of her; when we were together ... I kept msging her to 'kill' time and complain. But now she is gone, I just can't help but thought of how nice she was to see me through those moments and be supportive of my lifestyle.

After work, I headed down to Marina Square to meet my little niece for dinner... as I pass by The Cathay, I saw the 'Meet Jay Chou at The Cathay' event, which made me think about her even more. The killer came when we were buying dinner... everywhere was Jay Chou's songs... I don't hate Jay Chou... its just that they remind me of Mish and her singing...

I was dead tired and my heart was breaking, piece by piece ... I could actually feel it. I didn't wanted to go home ... so I wandered around the neighborhood, smoking my time away... I was actually so upset ... I sms Selena to tell her: "I think I need a lot of luck to get through the night..."

I continued sitting at the playground smoking till I force myself to see that whatever is done is past and decided that it was pointless to just try to run away from it ... important thing is she is happy this way and it is the best because in our separate ways, we can seek to be individuals we want to be ... that made me feel a bit better and I proceeded home... but in my heart I know... I was just lying to make myself feel better.

When I reached home, I almost got caught red handed for smoking by my dad due to the over whelming smoke scent... thanks to my crappy excuses I got away... that was it ... I really thought my day the most unlucky and painful day in many weeks... but... what happens next ... I still don't know how to explain it to myself... honestly I am stunned....

Feeling that I won't have any luck seeing Mish online... I actually did see her upon signing in... and after a 'Hello Mish' we msg each other for an hour... that was the longest since we broke up... and in a less 'argumentative' manner, I manage to tell her my feelings... even though the conversation was far from perfect .... at least we talk like human beings and friends... that brightened my day a lot... and it was amazing ... because I believe someone, something or some unknown force heard my calls at the playground... I can't even explain who... or maybe it was just fate ...

I believe that the world isn't fair but I also believe when you believe or hope for something and have faith in it ... things just happen... I decided to leave my future with Mish to fate... I don't know if it is the right thing to do... but I know it seems to be the best ... after all she doesn't get too irritated with me and I don't wander too far into depression... but I guess there is a point I have to step in and tell her my feelings... this I will let fate decide then. No matter what... I thank you Mish... for giving me a ray of light in a stormy day. No one is able to do it the way you clear away the storm in my life.