well, it all start on 13 February when ah him ( my godbro) message me that papa(my godpa) was admitted to sgh (the hospital). I could still remember that i was having a project meeting with yn, sid and wq. was really shock that papa was in the hospital and immediately asked how was he and was anything serious happening. i was distracted by the message and couldn't really focus, so i actually told my groupmates that i would distracted for awhile as we had an agreement not to us the hp when we are having meeting. they understand my situation so i had to check my hp regularly for replies from ah him. at that moment of time i had a bad feeling somehow but i just don't know how to explain. Finally i got the replies from ah him and hear that it was just some liver problem and for that moment of time nothing was too serious. relieve to hear that and i thought it should be ok but was still worried. therefore, after meeting and some revision in school i went to sgh to visit papa. When i reached there i saw papa's whole face was really yellow which really indicates something was wrong with his liver and other than that he complains of backaches which cause him not being able to sleep. At that moment of time, me and my parents was just thinking it should be nothing serious and could go home after treatment.

However, after 2 or 3 days mume(my godma) told me papa has cancer but not sure how bad was it. I didn't had much thoughts at that time as my own dad had cancer and he was ok after surgery. hoping that papa was as lucky as my dad, i didn't said much about it and just told mume not to worry so much first and just wait for the rest of the result to be out. Also, i heard from mume that ah him and ah cong(my second godbro) have a meeting with the doctors regarding on papa's condition on 17 Februray. so on that day i messaged ah him if there is any updates on papa condition.  ah him was the one who i would contact. i was not close to these 2 brothers. Ah him was the only godbro i had contacts with more regularly, so i could only rely on him. but the updates from him wasn't good at all. in fact it was bad, saying that almost his abdominal area had trances of cancer cells and it is not very optimistic according to the doctor but more test are needed to confirm the severity his condition. Hearing that there is still other test to be done i hopelessly hope that papa would still be able to be treated. The next day, when i went to visit papa, mume was crying and ah him was with her. ah him jus told me to hug mume as she was crying. i didn't know what had happen but it was for sure that the news is going to be worst. Ah him told me that the doctor called him and told him that papa had stage 4 cancer and palliative care (usually this means nothing can be done for the patient and only could provide as much comfort as they can to the patient for the rest of their days) was advice at that time as his liver is damaged which means that he could not do any form of chemo and other treatments. i felt really really upset and i couldn't react as i was still hugging mume. Ah him also told me that papa still didn't know his condition so no one should say anything about it infront of him. i still remember i walked out to call my mum(my real mum) to tell her the latest news. i teared helplessly as i was telling mum. mum told me that what happened had happened it can't be help and this is just part of life. I can fully understand that but i just can't help but feel so heart broken.Maybe because i went out  of the room too long ah him came out to look for me and i think he saw me tearing so i quickly clean my face. i asked him further what is the next step for papa. ah him told me that some test and procedure is still required to further investigate if there is any treatment that can be done. At that time, hopelessly hope again that papa could get better even so. On that same day, we had dinner together with the 2 godbros and mume. They discussed some topics in relations to papa but the only topic that made me uncomfortable was ah cong talking about being worried about the funereal preparation. My thoughts was yes papa is condition wasn't too good but i believe this funeral thing would still be far away to be discussed about. I'm not too sure weather if this was a normal thing to be talking about but i was really uncomfortable with it. 

After that, I continued to visit papa almost everyday after school or work. At one point of time, papa was getting better his face wasn't so yellow and his skin colour was getting back to normal. Ah him told me that doctor said if his liver is healing well maybe there are more treatment options for him. At that time it was really something to be relieve from my heavy heart that i had from the past few days.  i remembered that papa still could walk and sit out of bed with some help although he was weak. I also brought some heat pack for him that time as he was really cold in a airconditioned ward (the non aircon ward was full). heat pack was also shared with mume as she was with papa everyday and she is really sensitive to cold places. Papa looks so much better at that time, could still joke with my parents. Papa was still able to talk to me, kept asking me when will i graduate from school and i could still joke about it that if there is no "accident" it's gonna be next year. In my heart, i knew he wants to see my graduation and could tell that he was looking forward. 

After some time, there was space in the non aircon ward so papa as transferred over. Good signs didn't last for long, papa had on off fever and was getting weaker and weaker. I witnessed how papa deteriorate from the ability to walk to totally rest in bed, speaking became a difficult task for him, appetite worsen and could not every eat by himself. My heart broke every time i went to visit him.I felt really sad and i couldn't do anything to help. The pain in papa was so real and so torturing. On march 7, ah cong ask me to secretly go out of papa's room to talk to me. He told me that papa may pass away anytime and ask me to see him more often. ah cong also told me that papa had told the doctors he wanted to go home but it was not an option for him as he needs morphine and oxygen to maintain his life for now. I was really really heart broken at that time. This hit me so hard that all that hopeless hope are really gone for sure. All the dreams i had from the past nights that papa would recover was totally gone. I asked if papa knows about his condition as it was not told the last time. ah cong said that the doctor did tell him that he had cancer but didnt tell him what stage is he in but ah cong said that papa should have noticed by now. To me i thought letting papa know about his condition was better for him but they choose not to say much so i could not do anything also because i'm just a god daughter i don't have much say.On 9 march, ah cong and ah him was messaging me that papa condition was very critical and all of them are going to stay at the hospital with him. I told them to keep me update even if it's really late at night as i was really worried that is that the time for him? I wish it was not. That night, i woke up several time to check if there is any message. 

March 10, was kinda of relieve that there was no message from them so i messaged ah him how was papa in the morning when i went to class. Ah him update me that his condition was stable throughout the night. I was still pretty worried therefore, i went to the hospital straight after school and lunch and didn't stayed back in school to do revision which i would usually do. i went there as usual it was a painful sight. A nurse manager came by telling us that we should talk to papa as he is still conscious and aware of surrounding. Basically the nurse manager meant that we should tell papa our last words to him and ask him to let go and stop all these torture in him.  the nurse manager was an Indian lady she spoke in English and mume could not understand wat she said, ah him asked me to translate and tell mume about it at a side. It was the hardest and painful thing to tell mume. mume cried as i was telling her but i had to ask her to talk to papa, so convince her for quite some time and finally she went to talk to papa as me and ah him left to give her the alone time with papa. One by one we took turns to talk to papa. Mume had also ask ah cong to bring his 2 son to the hospital to let papa see his 2 cute grandson. Ah him say that i should also talk to papa, so i took my turn to talk to papa. I said " papa, i will work hard for school and make sure that i graduate by next year just for you. don't worry about mume cause ah him and ah cong will take good care for her. I love you very much and don't worry about me." At around 6pm, papa had alot of colleague (over 10 plus ppl) came to visit him( papa works in sgh as a driver) as it was after working hours. Around that time, mum came after work too. it was also around that time, one of the colleague told me faster call the doctor, papa is not breathing. It felt like a lighting strike, i cannot believe what i heard, all of  us (mume, 2 godbros and ahcong wife) went closer to papa. i saw papa stop breathing. He was not breathing. I feels so unreal. mume was crying so hard asking papa to wake up pls. Mum hugged mume and ask her to be stronger for papa and said she still have her sons and grandsons with her.I felt so broken. Tears can never stop flowing down. But i could not cry. i could not cry. cause i had to talk care of mume as my godbros took care of the rest of the hospital stuff. Followed them from hospital to the undertaker office to settle the funereal stuff. Went home after that to rest as i had class the next morning. But i obviously couldn't concentrate at all in school.

After class, I went home to change and left to the funereal at papa's place with dad. when i reached there, first thing caught my eyes was the shirt they place there. that was the shirt i brought for papa. i could not hold myself from tearing when i see it. Looking at him in the coffin was really emotional. I discussed with my godbro what are the areas i could help, i even told them i could skip class if they need any help from me. To me i thought that even if i went to class it would be useless as i wouldn't be able to focus at all and i was able to ask someone to tap my card for me too. But they still want me to attend class saying that papa wouldn't want me to skip class. so i just went to class for the sake of papa, mume and my own parents so that they won't be worried. As expected, i couldn't pay attention in lectures at all that few days. my main task was to take care of mume making sure that she eat and drink and was always at my sight. Stayed over at the funeral with  ah him for one of the night and was intending to stayover again before the day we to march off. but because of running around from school to home to the funeral and having lack of sleep, i was sick. i was sure i had fever and feel so weak i could not move around much. so i couldn't help to stay at the funeral. i felt bad and useless. I really did overestimate myself. And i really sux in taking care of myself. during those few days of furneral. it felt so unreal. i still cannot believe papa was gone for real. i was there the whole time but it still felt unreal. Everything happened too fast that i couldn't believe.

So this was basically what had happened and the things that make me heavy hearted. 

Finally graduated le!!!

mix feeling

happy that i finally make it!

still remember how tough it was

but Thanks to all my poly mates

i make it!

going to miss everyone

especially CUG!!!

how i miss sch life!

tml going to start work le

staff nurse at TMC

woahh

i cant believe i really going to be a nurse

sound so stressful

omg

but i will do my best

see how it goes ba!

Jia you to me!!

=D

Super love the tian wang yi !!!

although i havent really figure out how to use it..

hahahaha

mum got it by installment

so hav to pay 100 plus every monthly until 36 months later

oh and we got the USOFFIE for free too!!

Love it too!!!!

hahahaha

and my bed matt is here finally!!!

finally get my nice sleep tonight~!

haha

and i totally love the colour of the bed sheet!!

look so nice in my room!!!

hahaha!!!

well have been using so much money for my lovely house liao

so now hav to start to save

and look for job~!!!

going to start looking already!!!

JIA YOU!!! =D

NEW CUPBOARD

NEW CUPBOARD

My room is finally done!!!

my first reaction was..

OMG SO PINK!!

lol!

but i still love the room overall!

haha!

Thank you to my mum and dad for making this new room for me!!

LOVESS~!!

Went to AMK Hub to meet my ttsh girls today!!

Had a very good time !

we had andersen's ice-cream!!

and it was yummy!!

haha

Asyiqin forever feeding my with food

she dip all the fruits and cookie for me!

look at the last pic the strawberry became like that!!

haha!!

so nice to meet them once awhile!

hope to meet up again soon!

=D

yeah! tml the ppl will come and do my room le!!!

jus abit more to take out tml and they going to do my room!!

yeahh!

can't wait to see how they make my room!

jus a drop of oil cause me this pain!!

i only can say i'm jus unlucky!!

but luck it was only one drop!

if many drops my whole hand will kanna!

so thank goodness for that!

hahaha!

My room is going to have some changes on sat on!!

so have being packing up all the stuff from my room these few days..

and throw alot of old stuff!!

well..

im going to miss u,my old room!!!

(Oh ya!! all photos taken by my new cam! nice nice nice?!?!

hahahahaha!!)