A Future Fair For Some

Popcorn Dilemmas

A trip to the Cinema is IMHO a chance to escape the reality of life. Whether it's watching Luke Skywalker and his chums battle the evil Empire or watching Tom Hanks recreate the horror of the Normandy landings  the cinema offers us escapism from life.

I don't go that much, the arrival of Flatscreen TV's and surround sound means many films are quite dramatic without the need to visit the silver screen. However, it can be a fun night out which is where I think the problem lies.

It's fun. Because in Browns NuLabour Britain we cant have that can we?

In it's 'Let's interfere because the State knows best' way, The Food Standards Agency have decreed Cinema food is a concern.
That's right folks, as our Nation slides into record debt,  sends it's Troops off to die in uneccesary wars and our Leader trashes Democracy, FSA chief executive Tim Smiths priorities are the size of our popcorn portions.

Time 'nice but dim' waffles on about how we should have the choice of smaller portions. I think Tim should bugger off and stop interfering with people's lives. But he won't will he. He's a paid up member of Browns goons. They exist solely to tell others what to do.

As Gordon is promising a 'Future Fair For All' I think it's only fair that I get to tell his goon Tim what I think he should do.

I think you should fuck off Tim, because if I want your opinion on what I eat I'll make sure to ask you for it OK?

Tory Computers Fitted With New Button

After these sort of reports in the MSM the Tory's are having new buttons fitted to their PC's.

Oh dear Dave... I suggest you pull that well manicured finger out pronto mate.

UKIP saying it how it is

Nigel Farage is a legend. His little outburst against Von Wotsisface just secured my Vote in the General Election. It's not before time that someone stood up and said it how it is.


Thank you Nigel for giving me a voice. It is much appreciated.

I'd say his description is spot on. 

Moon Shot

It's pouring with rain here. I am on day one of no cigs and gnawing my nails to the bone... So as I can't have a peek at the Moon or a ciggy right now - I thought I'd share a recent picture of our Satellite I took. Enjoy.

How Very Dare You Scotland

It would appear my Scottish neighbours are selling 'Anyone But England' Tshirts. With regards to the World Cup.

PC Plod has paid the shop a visit as it may cause offence. Oh purlease... The National Debt offends me. The needless loss of life in The Afghan offends me. The erosion of liberty offends me.

But a fucking Tshirt?

Piss of PC Plod and go and catch some villains. I couldn't give a monkeys arse over a bloody Tshirt. It's a bit of good old fashioned banter you twats.

Elf & Safety Vs Dignity in Death

When you shuffle off this mortal coil and are popped into a box for the big sleep you'd be forgiven for thinking you were beyond the tentacles of Health & Safety.

You would in fact be wrong.

181 Gravestones have been laid flat at St James’ Church in Christleton, near Chester. You see they have failed a 'Health & Safety' check.

Of course when questioned about this distasteful, unpleasant deed Keith Smalls, a church warden, said:

“The checks have become necessary after a young boy was killed elsewhere in the country by a falling head stone.”

Thank you for clearing things up Keith, it's for the cheeldren is it? You fucking spineless tedious cretin. The real reason is yours and others lack of balls in telling the Health & Safety officials to do one and leave the dead in peace.

Sex @ Seven Part II

I blogged about this a couple of weeks ago when no-one read my blog. My new blog counter tells me I have a couple of visitors, so I thought I'd revisit it.

NuLabour have decided yet again that 'they know best' and are determined to strip away the innocence of the Nations kids by thrusting sex down their throats from the age of 7.

My Lad will be Seven in March.. So I thought I'd launch a pre-emptive strike against the Government (I know how much they like them - pre-emptive strikes that is, not kids)

So here it is for CSR Junior. Two pictures to help educate him on sexual anatomy.

A Cunt

A Prick

Please Don't Hate Me

I have decided to pack in Cigarettes...

Please understand this has fuck all to do with the Führer and his cohorts in Bunker Number 10. It does have a lot to do with the copious amounts of green shite I am hacking up and the dwindling stack of pennies in my bank  account.

I have decided to send of for the 'Tax payer funded Free Quit Kit' to amuse myself with as I wave a fond farewell to the little white sticks that have been a major part of my life for the last 25 years.

My lungs aint what they used to be. I've had chest problems since I sucked in shedloads of burning oil back in 91' in Kuwait actually. So maybe I'll feel better - who knows?

I'm fortunate that my GP is not one of Bunker 10's lackeys. His opening gambit tends to be 'Still smokng and drinking too much? Good man so am I' So I haven't been pressured into this decision.

I am making a provision for the future though. If I survive to my 80th birthday I fully intend to start up again. So for now it's time to spend a last few moments with those old chums of mine Lambert & Butler. As the man said - Parting is such sweet sorrow.

All Aboard The Gravy Train

Anti smoking facist Health conscious Linda Buchanan had a bit of a ding dong  with some chap who was puffing away at a train station.

I don't feel too much sympathy for Linda as it goes - I am of the opinion she quite possibly deserved a poke in the eye. If you wag your finger at people and state 'I don't like the smell of Cancer' as they smoke a legal substance, don't be too surprised if they smack you in the chops. It's much easier to move away and live and let live.

I can imagine being in a broken down lift with Ms Buchanan would result in biting your face off in despair at the tut-tutting and teeth sucking that I expect makes up most of her day - I shouldn't make rush judgements I know, but she does come across as a bit of a twat. However what really raised my eyebrows on this was the claim that she now suffers PTSD.

Ms Linda Buchanan is one of these people who really boil my piss. She fell off a fucking platform for fucks sake. Yes it probably hurt, but so does stubbing your toe. You get up, dust yourself down and carry on. I have met many sufferers of PTSD. All of them former Soldiers whose lives have been shattered by the obscenity and madness that is War.

I've also met  a lot of healthcare folk who think they are swinging the lead and should crack on. It's because of whiny throbbers like Linda Buchanan that PTSD is labelled by many as a malingerers disease. I expect Linda Buchanan is too 'stressed' to ever work again and she'll no doubt sue for 'compo' which being as she's on target with the Government anti-cigs message she'll no doubt get plenty of.

What people like her do in their 'fuck me I've just had a little accident - it's the same as winning the lottery' moments, is make it more difficult for the kids fighting in Afghanistan to find help when they fall apart after their tour is over.

She hasn't got PTSD anymore than I have leprosy. She's just seeing it as a ticket to the compo gravy train and as a result of that our Troops lives just got a little bit harder. Well done Linda you fucking idiot.

Hitting The Nail On The Head

A political discussion broke out at work today. Is Brown a bully? Will it be a hung Parliament? Question after question arose.

A chap walked in, listened for a while and then I think summed it all up rather nicely.

'It doesn't matter who you vote for. The Government will win and you'll lose'

The really sad thing is I agree with him.

Someone Needs To Grow A Pair

Gordon Brown is a violent tempered bully so we are told. Andrew Rawnsley has a book out about it.

NuLabours bullshit machine went into overdrive. Mandelson said it's untrue and Prescott took a break from destroying Pork Pies to stick up for his Leader too. With their well practised rhetoric and smug grins they chuckled away and said 'He's just determined, driven and passionate'

Then something happened. Christine Pratt the founder of the National Bullying Helpline broke ranks and said 'actually we have received calls from Bunker Number 10 about staff being bullied'

We may not have heard the metaphorical pin drop - but by fuck the grenade that went off straight after caught the Medias attention.

The Newspapers squirted out headlines like excited puppies weeing with glee. The Blogosphere erupted and even Cameron had a little squeak.

However... It would appear there are some who think that instead of routing the biggest threat to the United Kingdom since Hitlers World tour we should perhaps shoot the messenger.

Conservative MP Ann Widdecombe, an NBH patron criticised the revelations. "It's like a priest in the confessional", she said. "You don't do it."


Professor Cary Cooper, an academic and work-place stress expert, resigned as a patron this morning saying that "it was wholly inappropriate" for Mrs Pratt to reveal that staff in Downing Street had contacted the service. "It breached confidentiality grossly" he said.


Another charity, Bullying UK, has called on Mrs Pratt to resign arguing that "it's hard to imagine a more serious breach of confidentiality" adding that "it's extremely concerning that we've had e-mails and tweets from people who think this charity is responsible".

Lets get this straight - Wholly inappropriate. Extremely concerning. E-mails and 'OMG Tell me it can't be true' tweets.

What the fuck is wrong with these people? This Nation is being destroyed by NuLabour. This isn't a case of Timmy telling on Jody because she showed him her knickers in Biology class. It's about saving a Nation from complete and utter destruction. Christine Pratt just poked her head above the parapet. Thank fuck there's at least one person left with some mettle.

The opposition should be wading into these bastards right now but they lack the balls. And if there is one thing I do know about the Brits it's that they despise cowardice. So Man the fuck up Cameron & Co and take these fuckers to task. Or spend the rest of your days wondering how you managed to fucking lose against this shower of shit.

Meanwhile Back On Planet Earth

Pie Muncher Prescott has been on the beeb having a little rant. Here's the crux of the problem fat-boy. You can dance around blowing kisses at your Dear Leader all you want - you're not fooling me nor a great many other people.

I can't get my head round it personally. Brown is the worst Prime Minister since forever, yet still his sycophants drool endless praise and spin.

It's all party and no country. What a crying shame there is no opposition to pound these contemptible bastards as they flounder on the ropes.

The NuLabour camp is in complete dissaray. Its troops fighting desperate rear-guard actions as their unelected fool of a leader blunders from disaster to disaster.

What do the Tories do? The square root of fuck all.

This Nation really is in a perilous situation. Never in the field of human politics have so many been fucked over by so few...

Television The Drug Of A Nation

I've just read this excellent piece about Television and the average Brit on Marcellus blog.


It reminded me of a song by Disposable Heroes released in the 90's even more poignant today...

Is There Anybody Out There?

Lord Martin Rees, president of the Royal Society and astronomer to the Queen, said the existence of extra terrestrial life may be beyond human understanding.

The Eye In The Sky

The Government is funding new research aimed at getting permission to fly drones anywhere in Britain, in a move which could benefit defence companies BAE Systems, EADS and Thales but inflame civil liberty concerns.

Hmmmm what to do about the flying eye of Big Brother. I have an idea...

Every Schoolboy should posess one of these as a matter of course. I have one, and I'm quite a good shot with it. I'd enjoy shooting down Mr Plods UAV's.

Browns Contempt Of Those Below Him

Shock horror - They say Browns a bully who is rude to those around him in lowly positions.

It took all of 10 seconds to find this proof on YouTube of the mans undisguised contempt of those below him.

A Second Look

Found this on the Tinterweb...

Ballot Boxes interfered with

Voting registers go missing

The Police can kill innocent people and get away with it

The state can kill people and get away with it

You can be put in prison for 42 days on pure suspicion

You can be put in prison indefinitely on the word of a politician

The State can torture people

Your children are monitored at School by Political Officers

Their behaviour is logged on a State database for their entire lives

Your innocent fingerprints, iris scans and biometrics are held by the State

You do not have the right to remain silent

You are watched on 4 million CCTV cameras

You may not photograph the Police

The media is controlled by the State

You do not have the right to protest peacefully

Curfews exist for entire communities

Your travel movements are logged and monitored

Who you vote for is logged and monitored

Your shopping habits are studied and logged by the State

Your emails and telephone conversations are recorded by the State

Your passport can be withdrawn at the whim of the State

Government agencies can use lie detector tests on you.

£22,500 of debt for every child born in Britain

111 tax rises from a government that promised no tax rises at all

The longest national tax code in the world

100,000 million pounds drained from British pension funds

Gun crime up 57%

Violent crime up 70%

The highest proportion of children living in workless households anywhere in Europe

The number of pensioners living in poverty up by 100,000

The lowest level of social mobility in the developed world

The only G7 country with no growth this year

One in six young people neither earning nor learning

5 million people on out-of-work benefits

Missing the target of halving child poverty

Cancer survival rates among the worst in Europe

Hospital-acquired infections killing nearly three times as many people as are killed on the roads

Falling from 4th to 13th in the world competitiveness league

Falling from 8th to 24th in the world education rankings in maths

Falling from 7th to 17th in the rankings in literacy

The police spending more time on paperwork than on the beat

Fatal stabbings at an all-time high

Prisoners released without serving their sentences

Foreign prisoners released and never deported

7 million people without an NHS dentist

Small business taxes going up

Business taxes raised from among the lowest to among the highest in Europe

Tax rises for working people set for after the election

The 10p tax rate abolished

The ludicrous promise to have ended boom and bust

Our gold reserves sold for a quarter of their worth

Our armed forces overstretched and under-supplied

Profitable post offices closed against their will

One of the highest rates of family breakdown in Europe

The ‘Golden Rule’ on borrowing abandoned because it didn’t fit

Police inspectors in 10 Downing Street

Dossiers that were dodgy

Mandelson resigning the first time

Mandelson resigning the second time

Mandelson coming back for a third time

Bad news buried

Personal details lost

An election bottled

A referendum denied - Not such a nice second look.

Ein Volk, ein Reich, ein Führe

Some arty type chap called called Louis Sidolo got in touch with Tory darling Iain Dale and sent him a couple of pictures

I think the second picture is a bit arty farty and... well shite if I'm honest. But the first one?

I'd say it's fairly spot on. It's certainly got the lefty twats dribbling and ranting on Iains comments.

Of course I myself think Brown is fuck all like that tosser Hitler. Old Adolf gave the World Blitz-Krieg. Invading and kicking the shit out of Europe in a matter of weeks.

Muppet Brown would have invaded a sausage factory, sold all of his tanks and pawned off his bullets. Because he is a complete twat who couldn't be trusted with a slinky spring. Let alone a Nation.

Our Closest Neighbour

When I'm not ranting about the destruction NuLabour are wrecking across our Nation, I wander outside with my Telescope and look at the Moon.

I took a picture of the Mare Serenitatis (the "Sea of Serenity") last night. Enjoy...

But This Ship Cant Sink!

Oh dear. Our Prime Minister the beloved Gordon thinks the Tories are trying to "scare" people into accepting a "bleak" future with talk of the record deficit.

Fuck me sideways with a Ladyboy from Bognor. Trying to scare people? Does this fuckwit Brown actually live on Planet Earth.

My dear Gordon, what the Tories are actually doing is telling it like it is. We are just about as fucked as we can be. To quote Captain Blackadder 'We're in the stickiest situation since Sticky the Stick Insect got stuck on a sticky bun'

You remind me a lot of that fucking tool Ismay in that utterly shite movie Titanic. So I found a little Labour Party Political Broadcast for you. Just substitute Titanic for 'The United Kingdom' in this clip.

A Proper Norverner

Liam Gallagher you may or may not be as you put it 'a proper Northerner'

You are however an utter cunt.

Certified Wanker & Cretin

For Fox Sake

Our economy is so trashed and in tatters, we have resorted to printing money like a Banana Republic.

Our Troops are bogged down in a counter-insurgency disaster in the Middle East with no end in sight and mounting casualties.

We are now governed by faceless unelected bureaucrats from the EU who's agenda is the wholesale destruction of sovereignty across Europe.

The NHS is a bloated red tape driven joke not fit for purpose and our children leave School unable to read or write.

So Labours priorities are.... .... Saving Basil Fucking Brush.

Trust me on this NuLabour, what I really don't give a monkeys arse about right now is cute and fluffy vermin and let's have it right you self righteous smug twats. If you gain power for another 5 years a lot of people will resort to hunting Foxes to fucking survive. Wankers...

Follicle Fuckwittery

A Tyneside hairdressing salon has been told it cannot advertise for a junior stylist on the grounds of ageism.

Fuckstick Goverment Cretins Jobcentre Plus said in a statement: "Our advisers will help employers get as many applicants for their jobs as possible. [Ed - Thanks to Gordon & Co there's a fuck load of them applicants isn't there]

"Some people may be put off applying if they think a job is only aimed at young people so we'll advise on wording adverts to help businesses get the best person for them."

What they really mean is we'll interfere in order to promote this lefty bollocks so loved by NuLabour. They just don't get it do they. History tells us many things, but a really fucking obvious one it tells is this. If you insist on telling people what to do they will, in time, get the raging hump.

It's a bit like this whole EU bag of monkey spunk. Do these lefty fuckwits really think a continent that has spent the last few hundred years kicking the shit out of itself is suddenly going to embrace unity?

Striking the word 'junior' from an advert may seem to be trivial and indeed laughable. However, it is another slab that is pathing the path to a really fucking unpleasant future. Unless decisive action is taken now NuLabours NuEurope is going to implode and tear itself apart in civil war.

The real agony is no one is going to give a shit until the artillery rounds take out some transmitters and the nation is unable to watch The X-Factor... and by then it will all be too late.

Pop Tarts

It's odd. The folk I work with don't feel the need to award each other gifts and trophies every other month. Nor do they have the urge to tell everyone how wonderful they and their co-workers are.

I suspect this is because they live on Planet Earth and not Planet Showbiz.

Once again the Luvvys are having a little get together to pat themselves on the back and hand out little medals. The meeja will no doubt inform the unwashed masses how much Lady GooGoo's dress cost and how P Doddy is the second coming.

Don't get me wrong here. I love music (think Pink Floyd) But these little showbiz dick-sucking get togethers leave me unimpressed. The sight of a gushing Arteest clutching a plastic trophy as they thank their Mother and their spiritual guides leaves me quite unmoved.

There are another group of young people also earning some medals right now. They wont stagger around giggling as their fragile ego's are caressed by sycophants. They will simply pick up their kit and crack on. It's what Soldiers do.

Whenever life gets you down...

It's only Monday and already my head is close to bursting. So - I found this.

A Soldier Died Today

He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,

And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.

Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,

In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.



And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,

All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.

But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,

And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.



He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,

For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.

Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,

And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.



When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,

While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.

Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,

But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.



Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land

A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?

Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,

Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?



A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives

Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.

While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,

Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.



It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,

That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know

It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,

Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.



Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,

Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?

Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend

His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?



He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,

But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.

For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part

Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.



If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,

Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.

Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,

Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today

No You Are Not The World

You are a bunch of overpaid egotistical Twats who see the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people as a chance to get your fat, over-paid, over-fed faces on screen, pouting into microphones as you hold onto massive headsets making out you give a fuck.

Going To War With The EU

A bit of a misleading title actually. You see, I am actually going to War with the EU on my side.

What the fuckity fuck is going on you cry - have I joined the dark side? Fear ye not it's all to do with those robbing bastards PC World, a broken Acer Laptop and an EU directive actually. EU directive 1999/44/EC to be precise.

PC Bastards sold me a Laptop 14 months ago. In that time it broke down 3 times and was repaired. The final breakdown occured after the 12 month warranty had expired however.

Despite it having been repaired twice before (with the same problem) PC Bastards are demanding I prove it is their fault, at my expense.

However - I have now discovered a piece of EU nonsense that actually works in my favour. 1999/44/EC States a two year guarantee applies for the sale of all consumer goods everywhere in the EU.

I'm aware that the UK sales of goods acts protects me for up to 6 years, but after 6 months I have to prove the fault.

So this EU thing is not really any better - our current consumer laws protect us further. However, how many of the mongs at PC Bastards know anything about EU law do you think???

Will their Managers collapse under the assault of a very miffed CSR with broken Laptop in one hand and EU paperwork in the other?

We'll find out on Saturday wont we. I intend to learn off by heart some meaningless EU babble to confuse, torment and tease the mongs at PC Bastards. I am going to print of shedloads of EU waffle and have a lot of fun.

I hope Labour win the Election

Am I completely stark raving window licking mad? Am I destined for a rubber room and baby food as I scrawl NuLabour Rool on the walls with the crayon between my toes...

I hope I'm not - I hope they win because I think it they will bring this Nation to its knees. They will come so close to destroying everything that people might... perhaps... Wake up, smell the Latte and rebel. If Labour lose and Cameroon wins nothing will change.

A Labour victory will bring this boil to a head so we can have a much needed lancing. A Tory victory will simply dull the pain for a short while and once more the shafting will continue.

The Hidden Danger Of Burqas

Spare a thought if you will for An Arab ambassador who has discovered a truly sinister plot hidden behind a Burqa...

He courted a young lady on nine occasions, a Marriage contract was signed and then he moved in to kiss his Bride.

It was at this point he discovered she had a beard and was cross eyed...

Concerns Raised Over Airport Body Scanners

Airport Body Scanning Raises Radiation Exposure

A report released by the Inter-Agency Committee on Radiation Safety states

Pregnant women and children should not be subject to scanning

It also states

Air passengers should be made aware of the health risks of airport body screenings and governments must explain any decision to expose the public to higher levels of cancer-causing radiation

Hat Tip to Big Brother Watch

Coz Everybody Pouts

The Video has just been released for Everybody Hurts

I wonder if it will show a montage of a devasted country as pouting superwealthy Pop Stars clutch their headphones while singing with their eyes shut.

I'm sure the song will indeed raise much needed money for those wretched souls in Haiti. But I can't help thinking this latest offering from Cowell has more to do with ego than helping those less fortunate.

Or am I just a bit too cynical.

The Dignity Of Cows

The Italians may well be about to ban the eating of horses.

Motions lay on desks, and Italian Ministers are saying things such as

"I have always been against the slaughter and consumption of horse meat. Horses are fine animals and should be treated as such, they should not be eaten."

"The dignity of horses should be respected".

Mr Politician - They're Dead Because Of You

Dear Gordon,

Once you have finished dribbling and blubbing in front of your chum Piers, about how sad the loss of your daughter was and how much it affected you in your cynical bid to appear human...

Might I suggest you watch this and more importantly listen to it - every last word is true..

Over The Hills And Far Away

As they are about to enter another nasty Operation... I found this...

The Tears Of A Clown

The contemptible creature that is Gordon Brown has sunk to a new low.

In a desperate bid to appear human the Prime Moron has dribbled and blubbed on live TV when talking about the loss of his daughter.

He was asked if he was angry about his son's illness and said, "We sometimes ask, why us? But we try not to be bitter."

You complete bastard Brown. Using the death of a child to try and gain Political ground... I bet you're praying we lose a few Troops in The Helmand just before the election so you can get some grief whoring in at Wooten Bassett too.

Tip of the Hat to Ambush Predator for the link to the story.

* Update *

Fuck me they're all at it.. Bastards

Change We See

Who gets my kiss?

Christmas has been and gone - it whizzed by and here we are ploughing through February. This has got me thinking. The General Election isn't very far away at all. But who do I put my little cross against?

NuLabour? I think not - The Old Communists have caused more damage to this Land I call home than I can scarce believe. I'm taxed to the hilt and so perplexed by the 4000 plus new laws my head is spinning.

The Tories? Nope can't do it I'm afraid. It was the broken cast-iron Lisbon guarantee that lost them my vote. That and their total lack of any Conservatism.

LibDem? Urm right. NEXT!

The sense of despair I feel right now is absolute. Westminster is a hotbed of corruption, sleaze and contempt for the nation. I am tired of my life being invaded by NuLabour and the EU.

I am bored of Camerons lack of balls and inability to knock down an opponent who is so shit he could burn a boiled egg.

So who get's that kiss of mine? Answers on a Postcard please.

Not A Shred Of Decency Nor Honour

Three Labour MPs charged with false accounting over their expenses are attempting to claim immunity from prosecution.

The expenses scandal rocked Westminster to the core. As each revelation unfolded a disgusted public were first shocked and then angered. Families across Britain struggling to survive Recession were told about Flat Screen TV's Duck houses and a Parliament utterly in contempt of those who voted them in to power.

The CPS has decided to prosecute three Labour MP's and one Tory Peer.

It'll Take More Than A Maccy D Badge Mr Plod

Police in Greater Manchester have become the first in the country to wear name badges on their uniform.

All 8,227 officers employed by the force, along with the 4,128 civilian staff, have been told they must display the magnetic badges which spell out their name and rank.

The move is part of a drive to improve the force's image with the public.

Perhaps PC Plod might improve its image by not shooting unarmed Sparkys on the Tube. Not nicking people for taking photos. Not killing bystanders at Crusty protests in the Capital. Not nicking people for emailing the phrase 'do as you likeys' Not using anti-terrorism laws to harass people for no good reason. Not threatening people who wave knives at intruders in their homes. The list goes on...

I wonder if they'll get the little stars on their badges.

When is a door not a door?

I like to laugh at modern Britain (it's bad form for a grown up chap to cry you know) So I chuckled away at this little gem

The Bank of England has decided against further quantitative easing (QE)

Quantitave fucking what??? It's printing money you bell ends. Call it what you will. It's what they do in Banana Republics. I do hope little CSR doesn't read this article, or our next game of Monopoly is going to last quite some time.

It's a lot like this bollocks Mrs CSR was watching on Channel Four the other night.  Selective Mutism my arse. In my day we called it being shy - and don't even get me started on ADHD.

Britains Lack Of Talent

Piers Morgan is going to interview Gordon Brown on his show Piers Morgan's Life Stories

Morgan was sacked from his position as Editor of the Daily Mirror after it was revealed pictures they published claiming British Soldiers abused Iraqi prisoners were a hoax. Military sources claimed these images put British lives at risk, the Mirror published them at the height of the Abu Ghraib scandal at a time of high tension in Iraq.

There is a certain irony that one of Britains Got Talent's Judges is about to conduct an interview with quite possibly the least talented PM this country has ever known. I'm sure Morgan will concentrate on Browns personal tragedies and leave his incompetent disasterous term in office out of it. They are pals after all...

Is It Coz I is A Luvvy?

Presenters of shite and pointless Daytime TV shows should perhaps stick to what they do best. They should talk about shite and pointless Soap Operas and have guest meetings with shite and pointless Popstars.

What they shouldn't do is dribble on about supporting a murdering bastard and his unecessary war.

Richard 'Legend In His Own Bisuit Tin' Madeley has come out in support of Blair over Iraq. You have to watch this video to truly believe some of the shit he spouts. I particularly like the way he mentions the Eveeeeeel Maggie and her 'spin city' approach to the Falklands.

What an O2 thief you are Richard. Comparing the Falklands war to Iraq? I don't recall Iraq invading anything British back in 2003. But what the fuck? Let's blame the Tories shall we? Get back to what you do best Dick. Shoplifting Incredibly shit television shows and fixing your fat birds busted bra strap.

Saddams weapons of mass destruction consisted of a smelly sock, a Britney Spears Album and possibly a hand grenade I lost in 1991.

Before you post on here asking hilariously in your Ali G tracksuit 'Is it coz I is black' that I disagree with you.

The answers no Richard. It's because you're a Cunt.

If NuLabour see this - Smokers truly are doomed...

Cigarettes that blow up and take out your teeth..

It's a NuLabour anti-smokers dream product!!!

Yes We Can

Yes We Can