.... life goes on. ive spent the past few months alone and it gave me alot of time to think. not having any company or friends to talk and go out with for the past few months, it gets kind of depressing after awhile but eventually i got numb to it and dun realy give a shit. i go out alone. i watch movies alone. i eat alone. i havent spoken to anyone since sch ended. thinking back about my life these past 22 years, only Kenneth has treated me like a real friend and realy stood my even when i start having mood swings (but even he has uni coming and we dont talk much) . im an introvert. i avoid crowds and prefer not to stand out. but others just take it that im anti social and avoid me. being anti social and being introvert are two very different things. introverts still keep friends. but everyone is the same. they always claim to be my friend and then treat me like i dont exist later. I admit i built up alot of anger over the years i dont trust alot of people now. I usualy act friendly but when it comes to mixing around i avoid people. I dont want to go through the pain of having ppl not inviting me to events and ignoring me. For example no one wanted to attend my 21st bday. when i asked some others to help me pass to message around they conviniently forget. totaly ruined the rest of that year for me cos i have never had a bday party before and i wanted that to be my first. People alway say im emo. i get very angry when they say that cos the only reason i dont talk is cause i dont say anything unecessary. in fact, they never spent most of their lives alone who the fuck gave them the right to judge me. Every now and then i still look at my phone from time to time but i havent received any calls or messages for months cept from a few people. maybe i shld cancel my line. My depression has gotten quite bad.. i cant sleep at night, im thinking about suicide from time to time but in the end, i back out cos i guess i still wanna live and experience things in the future :) i know im talking to myself but blogging so far helps me vent my frustration abit and is probably the only thing keeping me from going insane. anyway... i got a dental appointment in abt 5 hours im gonna go to sleep now. nite.