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Christy:
Planning on moving to Rome has inspired a lot of people to tell me they're coming to visit!
Friends and family and even nearly-perfect strangers all want to share
in the excitement, intrigue, romance of travel and exploration! I’ve heard
cries of “I’m soooooooo coming!” from my sister, mother, countless
friends and even my hair dresser!
Too funny!
While I’m excited to go and explore solo on my trip, I’m
also excited to have visitors! I’ve hosted numerous people, at
sea, on land, et cetera; I’ve had enough experience with playing the host to have
formed solid, reasonable expectations for a guest. Here are my tips for being a guest:
RESEARCH
Do your own research before you arrive. There is nothing
more frustrating for a host than a guest who doesn’t know what they want to do,
and sloughs off every expectation for “having a good time” on their host. Keep
in mind: Your host lives in the place you’re visiting. He/She will know of some
great things to do there, but he/she will not know what it is you are truly
interested in. You may think that saying “I’ll
do whatever” means you’re being flexible and trying to work with your hosts
schedule, but it’s actually quite stressful for the host. Spend a few minutes
on tripadvisor.com researching things to do in the place you’re visiting and let your host know ahead of time so the proper arrangements can be made.
TIME
Keep in mind that your
host lives where you’re visiting: While you may be on vacation and are
feeling care free and out for non-stop fun, your host is probably not on
vacation (That’s why he/she is still at home), sure the host may be able to get
a day or two off from work to tour you around the region, but at the end of
that time the host will have to return to work – be respectful of your host’s time.
I once hosted a guyfriend’s
girlfriend for the weekend. It.Was.Awful. I asked only that they text me to let
me know when she would be dropped off each night, so I could let her into the
house (I wasn’t comfortable giving her a key). They would text me at half ten
pm and not show up for four more hours. Really,
really frustrating.
I’m not going to be working while I’m in Rome, but I will
have personal projects going on – reading, writing, learning the language, so
don’t expect that I can or will want to devote every waking hour to doting on
you. I’m not a babysitter. I like my independence. You should, too.
CLEANLINESS
You may have just scored a free place to stay, but you’re
not staying in a hotel and there is no maid!! Clean up after yourself. Make
your bed. If you’re sleeping on a couch in a public room, fold up your blankets
and sheets and pack away your suitcase during the day. You’re in someone else’s
home.
MEALS
Most hosts will provide breakfast for you, and sometimes
feed you every single meal. (Personally, my lifestyle is not such that I can
offer that to a guest.) If your host offers to feed you, please let him/her know, in advance, if you have any food allergies or special
dietary needs.
A couple of friends came to stay in my house for a few
nights – I asked if there were any allergies or preferences for food before
they arrived, and the answer came back, ‘no’ – however, on arrival, (at 11:00
at night) I found out that one of the guests had a milk allergy and was just
expecting a piece of toast in the morning. I don’t usually keep bread in my
house and had nothing to feed her in the morning, despite my efforts.
RESOURCES
I am not independently wealthy. Sure, I have a good job, but I live relatively modestly. Don’t expect me to spend my hard-earned
resources on your vacation. Yes, I want to go and play with you and I can
pay for my own tickets and meals, but I’m not going to pay for yours. This is
especially true for the time I’ll be abroad. My resources will be limited.
You’ll be expected to pay for your share of what you do.
Horror story:
I live in a duplex house and know
the girls who live next door to me fairly well. They somehow ended up hosting a
guest for several weeks. Every few days I’d hear horror stories about how awfully
this guest was behaving. The guest, an RN (that’s a nurse, if you didn’t know)
with a great job in the area, had her lease run out on her without the option
to renew (the house was being sold). She knew it was happening but failed to
actually go out and find a new place to live. Instead, she invited herself to
stay with my neighbors because it was
free. My poor, unsuspecting neighbors!! While the nurse was there, she also (without permission) ate their food. She ran up their
utilities. She used their laundry soap. She used their shampoo and toiletries.
She monopolized their living room, leaving her clothing and belongings strewn
everywhere. She invited her boyfriend over to make out in the living room until
the wee hours of the morning, and played movies very loudly. Then she took all
the money she saved on rent, utilities, food and toiletries and went to
Thailand for several months. To this day, she doesn’t think she’s done anything
wrong.
I’m not sure why there is such a sense of entitlement among
so many people these days, and so little willingness to work for what one does
have. Mooches are not welcome.
If you're my guest*:
-Expect to pay for your own meals
if we eat out.
-Expect that my apartment in Rome
will be tiny and there may only be one bed. You may have to share, or sleep on
a futon.
-Expect to pay for your own
airplane, train, bus, subway and ferry tickets. Also, your own taxis or any other type of transfer from one place to another.
-Expect to pay for your own tickets
to tourist attractions. (I’ve already
been, if I go again, it’s to go with you, not because I want to pay to see the
same place again).
-Unless I have access to internet and an unlimited international calling plan, expect to pay for your own internet and phone use.
-If we have to rent a car or a
vehicle, expect to pay for half the rental and gas.
If you can't afford any of the above, then you can't afford to travel.
--
MARY:
If you don't like hosting guests, you shouldn't move abroad. When
we first moved to Scotland all those people that we couldn't remember
but suddenly were our best friends wanted to come and stay with us in
our new holiday destination. I've stopped counting the number of
visitors that have passed through Scotland in the 4.5 years we've been
here. Early on we lived in a studio flat and didn't have the heart to
say no to friends who wanted to crash at our place during their stay.
Looking back it was kind of funny. 4 people sleeping in an itty bitty
flat. My husband and I in our bed looking down on two of my girl friends
who barely fit on the floor space. Our couch wasn't big enough to
actually sleep on so other visitors would lay down and their feet would
hang off the edge. But, we just didn't have the heart to say No.
We'd
been in Scotland about 9 months when I got an email from a friends old
room mate. I knew of her because of my friend but we were never actually
friends or anything. I got this email telling me how her dream has
always been to visit Scotland. She then preceded to ask me if she could
stay with us during her visit. I'm a people-pleaser, I have trouble
saying no. Please don't use that knowledge against me. So, I said
yes. I explained that we lived in a studio flat and she wouldn't have a
bed. Not even a couch to sleep on. It would be the floor. Hoping that
would deter her from staying, but nope. She was after
free accommodation, and we were it. Not only did she sleep on the floor
but we were expected to cover her meals. She expected me to show her
around and pay for sight seeing excursions for her. I barely knew her.
But, she felt she knew me well enough to use me. She got one heck of a
vacation on the De Bastos household.
This
next story is still a bit of sore spot with us. It happened almost 2
yrs ago. But, it was bad. My sister had an acquaintance whom was moving
to Scotland and she asked me to look out for her. Sure, no problem. It
might even be fun to have another American around. What ended
up happening was something different. Upon her arrival we learned she
still had not procured a place to stay. She asked us if she could stay
with us for a few days while she got something lined up. She ended up
staying for a month. She would have been there longer if we weren't
moving the very next day and had family members coming to stay with us.
When she arrived, her hair was bright purple. I have nothing against
purple hair. What I do have a problem with is that the dye was so new
she left two large purple stains on our white leather couch as well as
my white towels and linens. No apologies were ever mentioned.
While I was pregnant
and working full time, I was trying desperately to help her find a
place to live. I was using my money to take her around on the bus and
taxi's and using my time off to help her. I was exhausted to say the
least, but nothing was good enough for her. We took her to church with
us and she told the people there that if she didn't find a place to live
before we moved, she would just move with us to our new place since it
had an extra bedroom. She never cleaned up after herself and our flat
was a pigsty. She wouldn't buy her own groceries and she was eating all
our food. She would sit on her bum all day on the internet while my
husband and I were at work. Then we'd come home and clean up her crap. I
was 7 months pregnant at the time. She let me get on my hands and knees
and scrub the bathtub while she watched. When we finally did find her a
place to stay, we brought all of her belongings there and she then told
us she wouldn't be staying there yet. I was livid. Why wouldn't she be
staying in an apartment she paid for? At that point I was so mad I was
about to have a heart attack. She ended up staying in Scotland for 6
months. There is enough stuff that happened during that month for me to
write a book about it. We never received a single Thank you for our
troubles. We didn't even know her. Worst experience ever.
We're
a bit older and wiser I'd like to think. We do things differently now
than we did before. Here are some of the things we like to do for our
visitors now:
- While
I can't house visitors any longer, I do try and help them find a place
to stay. We send over links to our favorite hotels in the area and let
them choose from them. We feel better about at least helping them find
the right accommodation.
- Before they arrive I like to send them my favorite links and
resources for things to do. While I can only handle the Scotland Top 10
so many times, I want to make sure that my visitors see them. We like to
help plan their itinerary, if they will let us. We do live here after
all!
- We hand over a pre-paid cell phone loaded with credits. It's nice to
make sure they are able to get a hold of us when meeting up or texting
for quick advice or information.
- We hand over a map of the
cities they are visiting. I can feel at ease knowing they can find their
own way if I am unable to go with them.
- If they have something on their to-do list that I've not done, I
make sure and go with them. I'm always up for some new adventure and it
makes for some good times with friends.
Visitors can be
great, especially when we're so far away from family and friends but if
you travel abroad to see a friend please be gracious. Christy had some
tips for if you come to stay with her in Rome next year. I'd echo her
statements from the rooftop for my next guests! DO THIS in other words.
--
Now that’s all out of the
way, we’ll get along grandly, so let the good times roll!!
* Sorry, readers, this is not an invitation to perfect strangers or quasi-acquaintances to come and stay with me.
Have any questions for Christy or Mary? Leave us a comment!
Les Miserables is my favorite musical, hands down. Wicked is a close second. But there's something just so touching/harrowing/lovely/praiseworthy-and-of-good-report about Les Miz. It gets to me every time I watch/listen to it. And every time I listen to it/watch it, I notice something new/different because I'm different. This story is universally applicable. I've had a copy of the soundtrack since I was a teenager. I memorized the music and read the book. This wasn't my first time seeing it, but this year a new production was created and presented in honor of the show's 25th anniversary.
