Reflecting, again

My dear friend just lost her twin babies through a miscarriage. Some close family members are moving away. Dear friends and family have lost jobs. A few friends are suffering with depression. Other friends have some pretty challenging health problems. You add in all the friends who are long time sufferers through divorce and illness and life can get pretty heavy. When I found out my friend was probably going to loose one of her twins, I got out my journal and reread the parts when I had miscarriage after miscarriage. I was in a very dark place. Wow! I didn't even remember being as low as I was, but reading my own words reminded me of how hard it was. What got me through? My Heavenly Father and my Savior. Even when it was hard to go to church, I had to go because it was my only life line. I was just listening to a talk by Barbara Thompson in which she talked about why be in a church that focuses so much on family when she is unmarried and childless. She says, "'Because it is true!' I can be just as single and just as childless outside of the Church. But with the Church and gospel of Jesus Christ in my life, I found happiness and I knew I was on the path the Savior would have me follow. I found joy and many opportunities to serve, to love, and to grow." I have thought about this a lot as I have suffered and seen those I love suffer. We will go through trials, depression, loss of loved ones, anxiety and so forth with or without faith. The difference is when we do have faith, it helps us to deal with the trials and challenges better and to come out ahead.

The night we found out my friend's babies were gone, my older girls overheard the conversation and asked me a little about my experiences. They said your first one was the hardest right? Looking back it stunk, a lot, but I don't think it was the hardest. The 3 in a row miscarriages I experienced between Fuzzy and Scotty were the worst. I think it is because I got pregnant, miscarried, got pregnant, miscarried, 3 times within a year's time. My hormones were so out of wack that I was not thinking clearly. I went on anti-depressants for awhile. That was a difficult decision, but after rereading my journal, I am so glad I did. With all I was doing trying to help myself to get better, I couldn't do it on my own. That is when I learned about the power of the Atonement. After all we can do, the Savior makes up the difference. He made up the difference with the help of medicine and a wonderful husband and parents and a hope in Christ. They were the only ones who really knew what was going on in my life plus my awesome doctor. I wonder how much my life would have been blessed and that trial made lighter if I had shared with my visiting teachers and close friends how I was really feeling? What would have happened if I had gone to my bishop and asked him for help? My friend that just lost her babies asked for prayers from her loved ones when she was going through it and called/emailed those same loved ones when she knew the outcome. Her network of love and support is huge. My friend with depression let me know she was having a hard time and I was able to go over and give her a hug and tell her I loved her. I think the 2 biggest things I have learned is that 1) there is a loving Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ and they know and love me and 2) sharing your burdens with those around you who love you make them lighter.

Better late than never

So we put together the Ginger bread house a few weeks before Christmas, but there it sat undecorated because we didn't have any time to do it. So, after Christmas, we had a day just hanging around so the girls decorated it. I gave up on everyone doing it together and just let them have at it. They had a wonderful time decorating while Scotty humiliated me at Mario Kart on the Wii! Good times! The kids all ask to play me because they know that they can win!!! That is OK. I am good with stinking it up at video games. I think that same night we were playing a speed card game and I was kicking some behind when all the family, including the Daddy, said, "Don't you need to go cook dinner or something?" RUDE!!!! Anyway, no one wants to play it with me anymore and that is after most games of giving away half my cards to one of the kids that has gotten out already! I am not feeling the LOVE!

Missy loved her "Y" windows! Training them up right I say!

Piano Recital

One thing that I love about where I live is the abundance of piano teachers. We have several teachers within waling distance to choose from. We ended up choosing Sandy Steele and she is AMAZING!!! My kids love going to her house for their lessons and so does Alli - OK, she has a treat draw that they can pick from and she always lets Alli pick too. I am such a mean mom, I would have told her no way! You have to earn that candy! But Sandy is so kind and truly loves my children and loves teaching them music. One time she told me that she isn't in it to make money, she is in it to teach kids to love music and to teach them a skill that will last forever. We have a crazy piano practice schedule at our house that again shows what a mean mom I am. We get up at 6:30 AM and Fuzzy starts practicing, Missy takes over at 7:15 AM and then Scotty pulls up the rear at 8 AM. It doesn't always go as smoothly as that, but that is the ideal we hope for every morning!

I am amazed at how far the kids have come. Missy, if she will get over some attitude issues, with be brilliant. She has been blessed with such a natural ability. Fuzzy was blessed with natural ability but a determined attitude is what makes her great. Fuzzy doesn't give up. Scotty is coming along nicely too and really starting to love what he can play. Here they are at their latest recital:

All the students

Missy, Sister Steele, Fuzzy and Scotty

(It was the best one I could get of Scotty! He thinks he is hilarious to make faces in pictures!)

Scotty had told me a few days before this how much he loved going to his sisters ballet recitals. I said, "WHAT???? REALLY?" So then I asked him why he likes going and he told me it is because we always go out for "mini" shakes at Iceburg after the show. Now it all made sense. Thank heavens! I mean, I am all for supporting siblings in their activities, but I am so glad he didn't say he liked watching the ballet! Anyway, we thought we would give Scotty something to be excited about after his piano concert, so we went to Iceburg after. I tried to find a picture of a mini shake to post, but I couldn't get one without the whole menu coming, so I guess I will just have to go back there, order one for myself, and then take the photo! The things I do to keep up on my personal history...

SLEDDING!!!

One of the best things to do all winter is to go sledding. We can walk to the "pit" from our house and have hours of fun in the snow. This is the greatest!

Alli's snow angel
Scotty wouldn't take the easy way up the hill. He had to go the hard way through the trees because that is way more fun!

A New Year, A New Me

I am all about change. Change is so good for me. I am never content staying the way I am. I always want to be better, but one thing that I have been missing in my life is real goal setting. There are things I want to change. I work on it for awhile and then I am back to the same old me. Or am I? Looking back day to day, it appears I have changed little, but looking back 10 years, I have made leaps and bounds improvements.

This year I really wanted to improve my goal setting and really try to follow the example of the Savior. In Luke 2:52 it says, "And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man." This is pretty much all we know about His life from the time He was twelve until he began His ministry by being baptized. This is how I decided to try to set my goals this year.

First, He increased in wisdom: I love the word wisdom because it suggests action instead of just knowledge. Wisdom is taking the knowledge you have and acting on it. We can know something is not good for us and still do it, but wisdom is knowing and acting on that knowledge. My goal is to read more non-fiction books. Things that will improve my mind and help me to live better.

Second, He increased in stature: Stature generally refers to height, but I wonder if we can use this to denote growing physically. Taking care of the physical body that we have been blessed with. My goal is to do 10 push-ups and 40 sit-ups 5 days a week. I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but I really wanted goals that I could keep up with. I am getting older and have a baby tummy still. I want a strong center and not flabby arms, so I thought this could be something I could actually accomplish doing and be stronger next year.

Third, He increased in favour with God: We grow in favour with God by keeping His commandments. One principle I have not really been strong in is fasting. My goal is to learn more about the law of the fast and gain a testimony of it. I have heard others bear testimony of the increase in faith they receive from fasting, but I have never really done it correctly. I go without food, but that is about all.

Fourth, He increased in favour with man: He was well thought of and liked among those who knew Him. I was thinking about who I care most about being well thought of and decided that it is by my family. I often am too quick to get angry and frustrated. My goal is to watch what I say and how I say it. Hopefully thinking about that will help me to be a better mom and wife and that I will grow in favour with my family.

One thing I learned about goal setting is the importance of writing the goal down and putting it someplace I can see it often. I made a list of these things, it is actually a very cute thing, to hang on my mirror in my bathroom so I can see them every day.

Here is to a better me next year!

Miss and Fuzz

If anyone is interested, Missy and Fuzzy are performing with their jazz companies at the Covey Center Feb 1st & 2nd @ 7PM. I went to the show last year and was really impressed. The ticket prices are fairly reasonable ranging from $8-$12. But, if you have a group of 8 or more, tickets are $6-$10. Let me know if you are interested! Between the two of them, they need to sell 22 tickets!

Party at Liz's House

My kids love to go to Liz's house. I think it is their favorite place to visit. This year we had the Cloward family all together the day after Christmas at Liz's to exchange gifts and have some fun.

Tyler pulling a couple of tubes around the football field (really - it is a football field in their yard). He thought he was having more fun pulling it and trying to dump people. As soon as I realized you needed goggles for the adventure, it was much more fun for me riding around and staying on the tube!

Corry, Dad, Cecil and Scotty getting ready to go on the track with the snowmobiles. Yup, there is a track with jumps on the other side of the football field!

Corry helping Alli get up the hill in the snow driving a little 4-wheeler. She loved zooming around on this thing. There is a remote start and remote kill that came with it too. Perfect for kids!

Jana, Liz and Fate (with one of Jana's boys) getting ready for a ride.

Scotty, Corry and Fuzzy

Missy driving??????? At least Corry is on the back. I don't know what happened, but Corry came back driving!

Matt on a sled. Lori's boys from Florida were die hard! They were freezing, but just wanted to keep playing in the snow!

Fa (Lori), Dewey and Missy (Dewey's sister) trying to warm Matt up after his adventure.

Liz has a great space, that we could all sit in a circle and watch everyone open their presents.

Alli loved her Polly Pockets

Fuzz, Miss and Fate all got ski passes

Scotty got a nerf gun

The girls were so excited to get their passes!

Paco said he wanted a pony, so that is what he got! (we also gave him a Chia Herb Garden)

This one was the best. Mom started crying when she opened it. We gave her a year of DVR service. Dad didn't think it was necessary, but she loved it and wanted it back. It was great!!!

Christmas Day 2009

I thought I would post my thoughts about Christmas this year that I posted on facebook:

Meredith Loves Christmas!! I love being with the extended family and playing hard with cousins. I love the joy in my kids' eyes to sleep over (I am not sure much sleeping went on) in grandma's basement and then to get up and be happy for each other and the gifts they received and to share in the joy.

I love doing the Christmas play and having them know and understand the true meaning of Christmas. I love playing in the snow and being together. Today I love being home with our own little family and having great discussions after church. I love that I can have those quiet moments with my own family, but not miss out on those fabulous moments with cousins, siblings, aunts, uncles and grandparents. There really isn't much I don't love about Christmas!

Oh yeah, I love white elephant gifts and giving my brother in law a my little pony and a chia herb garden and seeing my mother in law cry over her gift!!!

I can understand the economy putting a damper on some of the more secular parts of Christmas this year, especially with having older kids now. Missy really wanted a digital camera. I had to tell her there was no way we could possibly do that. I think that is a great thing for her to learn though. (She also wanted an ipod which I also told her there was no way and Grandpa went ahead and got her one for this Christmas, her birthday and next Christmas....) I was able to make her and Fuzzy new quilts for their beds. I wouldn't have been able to do that if my mother in law hadn't given me most of the material from her left over project. I bought very little for it. My nephews that we slept over with got brand new 4-wheelers. I was worried that my kids would feel bad about that. They didn't. Their cousins let them take turns driving around the neighborhood. Then Scotty let them help him build his lego set he got from Grandma and Grandpa. I still love the holiday. There is so much good out there. People are so generous and loving. The gifts don't have to be big. I watched my kids make each other things and give each other their own things that they have watched their siblings like to play with. Fuzzy gave Missy the most thoughtful gift. She wrote all the things she loves about Missy on a paper and put it in a sheet protector with a note saying that every year for Christmas she is going to do that for Missy. I love Christmas!

This was the sight I saw when I came down the stairs Christmas morning:

Corry holding Aubrey. Aren't they cute!

The kids and I had been talking about favorite traditions and I told them about my family's tradition of getting "papered" in Christmas Eve so that no one could peak. Well they all loved the idea and wanted to be papered in too. So after we shipped them all downstairs (we gave them my cell phone so that they could call no earler than 7 AM (I think they made it to 6:58am!)), we taped this paper up so they couldn't peak before we woke up.

Finally we let them run through the paper into the living room

Our little family on Christmas morning

Scotty with his 12 coconuts and cactus fruit that he asked Santa for. No, I don't know why that was what he asked for, but he did and he loved it. Santa also threw in a sugar cane for good measure!

Fuzzy with her fuzzy socks

Missy loving the new dress she got

Alli got her Leapster and was loving it! She has learned so much and had so much fun playing with this!

Santa thought he was so funny by putting a bottle of carmel in my stocking this year. If you don't get why that is or isn't funny, check out the carmel bomb post.

This was Santa actually being funny by giving Corry this sign:

Alli with her Princess Polly Pockets from Grandma and Grandpa

The girls with the quilts I made them. They aren't exactly finished yet. The front is sewn, but I still have to piece the back a little and then Corry's mom is going to quilt them for me on her machine. I loved how they turned out though. It wasn't even too stressful once I decided not to worry about having them totally quilted and bound by Christmas. I actually enjoyed doing the project other than learning that my machine is not a very good one. It took twice as long because I kept having to unpick and re-sew sections that the machine got caught on. Still, a great project and one I hope they will love for years.

Awe, cute sisters

Grandma like the clothes I helped pick out for her

Fuzzy was so excited for her box of milk...

or was she more excited for the hipo inside? She kept singing the song all of December, "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas", so Missy had to giver her one. Thanks for finding one that plays the song for us Mrn!!!!

Alli is going to Build a Bear

I know you shouldn't have a favorite child, but there are moments when one or the other of them is my favorite. Alli was my favorite Christmas morning child. She was so excited and grateful for everything!!! Some of her expressions were, "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! (picture it in a 4 year old the excitement is building kind of voice) and the other favorite was, "cute, cutey, cute cute!!!"

Fuzz showing off her new duds - this is my favorite outfit!

Grandpa got a head scratcher, but I think it was passed around more than he ever got it. It kinda makes your whole body tingle a little bit!

Scotty's expression says it all!

Both sets of Grandparents got Scotty and Alli wiggle cars. They were played on all afternoon! It will be so much fun to play on them more when the weather warms up a bit!

It was a gloriously fabulous day. We spent it with family - what is better than that? There was very little fighting and there was just pure joy and gratitude. The kids for the most part shared all their new things and played really well together, especially for saying they got very little sleep the night before! I feel very blessed. There was no big family trip under the tree this year, but we will still make fabulous memories together this year. What a wonderful end to our Christmas celebrations!