Out of Sorts

I have been a little out of sorts lately and haven't felt much like blogging all the family events. My life has been consumed by these little boys and sometimes I just want to think and talk about something else. Anything else! Anyway, yesterday I told Corry I needed a project. He laughed and said these two boys aren't a project? Again I said I need anything else to think about and do. Thankfully my good friend's daughter is getting married next week and I am going to bring her dinner. It isn't much, but it feels good to be the one giving the service instead of the crazy lady that needs service. Hopefully my sanity can last a little longer.

A Different Kind of Christmas

I think I have mentioned before that my biggest trial in my life is myself. Overcoming depression and selfishness (my dad says depression is selfish). Anyway, my biggest trial the last month has been myself. Getting over what I am giving up for hopefully something much better. Like Christmas for example. I love my beautiful tree with the glass balls and crystal stars. But we aren't putting it up. We decided a few years ago to give the kids experiences more than gifts for Christmas. Tickets were booked and plans were made to head to Ft. Lauderdale, FL to visit Corry's sister in early February. Well, we wouldn't have known until after Christmas if we should buy tickets for the boys to come too or just go the 6 of us. So, we cancelled. I was sad. Still am. But, here is to a different kind of Christmas, with a more child friendly Christmas tree and gifts instead of a trip wrapped up under the tree. Over coming me is hard to do sometimes.

My favorite Christmas tradition is reading a scripture, singing a hymn and reading a Christmas story from a book my sister in law gave me years ago when we were young marrieds. This story has always stood out as one of my favorites. I don't know who the author is or if it is true or not, but it is a good story. I couldn't read it before without crying, now I can't read it at all through the tears:

"A Different Kind of Christmas"

My diet.. I don't recommend it

So I complained about my 35-nemesis a few posts back. You know, how I was running everyday and working out and could not shake the 10-15 pounds I had put on this year. Well apparently foster care is a good weight loss system for me. I am down 15 pounds now in 4 weeks - I haven't exercised once (other than teaching my dance classes). That and I have been sick with a cold for about that long too. I doubt it will last and I DO NOT recommend it for weight loss purposes, but I am enjoying the fact that all the winter clothes I bought at the end of last season for a steal actually fit me now!

10 Things I was Thankful for this Thanksgiving Day

1. The gospel of Jesus Christ - I wouldn't be where I am today without it
2. Priesthood blessings - The comfort and peace they have given me are invaluable
3. My parents - they taught me right and continue to see right through me and know me better than I know myself sometimes. Their continued love and support is priceless to me.
4. Corry - how grateful I am that he chose me when I was Mahana
5. My children - all of them. They teach me so much and I am grateful for everyone of them!
6. My extended family - I am truly blessed to have wonderful in-laws and lots of brothers and sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews.
7. Friends that are like family. I have the dearest friends that I treasure as much as my family. They are what help me through everyday life. They love me and my children.
8. Flushing toilets and showers - really, what is not to be grateful for! Driving through the native american towns made me think of how much I am grateful for modern plumbing!!! There was a sign in one of them off the side of the road that said there was no running water in the town. Heavenly Father must have known I needed this time to be alive!
9. Computers and cell phones - I am so grateful for the ability to communicate with those I love. In old times, a girl left her family to go with her husbands family, sometimes to never see them again. How glad I am that as I left my parents home to live 650 miles away, I can still communicate with them regularly.
10. Donuts - thats right baby!!!! Vanilla Cream Filled donuts from Dunkin Donuts - a whole box full of them!!! YUMMY!!!!

Carter's 2nd Birthday

Carter had a great and rough 2nd Birthday all rolled into one. The day started off with Ally, old foster mom, coming over for a visit. he loved it until she left and then he sobbed for her. It was heart-wrenching. After that he bit Alli in the arm so he spent some time in time-out. After naps it was off to meet bio-mom, Cedar, for a visit. He amazingly came right into my arms from hers and had no problem saying goodbye. Finally it was our turn to celebrate with him. Grandma and Grandpa came along with aunt, uncles and cousins. The thing I learned most from the boys this day was that they choose to be happy where they are! Can't you just tell how happy he is! What a cute little guy.

He loves stories, helping and cars the most right now and sometimes just a good snuggle. He is a sweet little guy who is a little mischievous, but also hilarious. We all think he might be voted class clown one day!

Point shoes!!!!!

Fuzzy has anxiously been awaiting her 11.5 birthday so that she could get her point shoes. her teachers have been waiting for the day she was old enough too, since she is such a beautiful dancer and very ready for them! She can not wait to try them out and progress even more as a ballerina! I am excited to see what she does too! She already looks great on them!

Birthday Fun

For Fuzzy's best friend since birth's birthday, she decided she wanted to kidnap her one morning and make her breakfast. They had a great time together, eating, laughing and making a notebook to pass to each other and their other 2 best friends. I sure love these girls!

Egyptian Funeral

Fuzzy's class has been learning about Egypt so they had an Egyptian funeral to culminate all that learning. She was the goddess Isis at the beginning of the processional. They mummified one of the students and made a sarcophagus to put him in. All the other students were gods, goddesses or professional mourners. They had their processional around the school. It was pretty cool! I love this kind of learning!

Sweet boys

First Day as Our New Family

Missy's Band Concert

So we had a crazy day the day of Missy's band concert and as we were rushing out the door to go, I forgot the camera. I was going to drop her off and then come back and get it, but when I saw how many cars there were, I decided to stay and take a picture when we got home.

Missy is just excelling at everything she does these days. She loves band and loves playing the flute (I still wish she loved playing the piano more, but oh well). She did a great job in her concert. I am so pleased with the young woman she is and the one she is becoming!

FYI

I can not put pictures of the boys up on here right now. So I don't want anyone to think I am not treating them the same as my other kids or anything, I just have to follow the dumb red tape stuff for awhile. Anyway, I think I am going to blog all their stuff and not publish until I am able.

My Biggest Angels

I would not be surviving today without these two beautiful angels. They are smart, helpful, kind and loving. I adore these two angels and thank God everyday they were sent to me. Without them I would still be in my dark hole.

(They are not perfect, but they are pretty darn close these days!)

How it is not like having a new baby...

1. No 2 AM feedings
2. 9 months to grow to love the child before they were placed in your arms
3. Too many adults are already involved in the child's life
4. There aren't loads of women to talk to that have been through the same experiences you are going through so not everyone understands when you are having a difficult time. They try to tell you how to do things that they themselves have no clue how to do (or desire to do).
5. They can already talk - good and bad here: you don't have to sit and wonder why they are crying, you can ask them. But on the other hand they sometimes know words and things you don't want them to know yet- or ever.
6. Baggage - lots of baggage. A newborn comes clean and fresh with only you to help them remember who they are, why they are here, and where they are going for the first while in their lives. An older adopted child comes with a whole set of experiences that no one should have to go through.
7. One potty training down already! Yahoo!
8. They smiled the first day here -and it wasn't even gas!

How this has been a lot like having a new baby...

1. You just want to take a week off from the world and sleep.
2. You are totally overwhelmed with life for the first little while.
3. You think what on earth was Heavenly Father thinking trusting me with this child when I am either still a child myself or I feel like I can't handle the ones I had before very well, so how am I going to handle more?
4. You start loosing weight when they come home.
5. You have a hard time controlling your emotions.
6. The other kids either want to be in the center of it all or are fighting for attention or with each other.
7. You pray a lot.
8. Angels bring you meals so you can figure out your new life.

Scotty's fantastic 8th Birthday!

I just love Scotty. He is such a great kid to be around and I am so lucky to have him in our home. He had a very scary start his first few months, but now he is a healthy, crazy boy whom I adore.

My favorite 8 things about Scotty

1. He is everyone's friend. I have never heard him say I don't want to play with this person or that one. He just loves everyone.
2. His smile - nuf said
3. His stories: Scotty is a storyteller. Sometimes they are his adventures of the day and sometimes they are totally made up, but they are awesome either way.
4. He has good sportsmanship: He loves to play all sports but does it for the fun. His football team didn't do so well this year, but he would play, come home and say the other team scored a lot of touchdowns, but our team had a lot of fun!
5. He is a great big brother.
6. He loves to read - this is something that Corry and I have hoped for for a long time, and it is starting to happen! I love a child loving to read!
7. He is helpful.
8. He loves the Savior and the gospel and is ready to make his baptismal covenants.

Scotty started his b-day morning really early with an 8 am basketball game. After that it was home to play, pick Fuzzy up from her test, drop her at dance, then get ready for the party. He really wanted a MAD SCIENTIST party so we let his hair grow long so it would look really wild. All the kids came in their lab coats and started out by making Rootbeer with Corry.

After that it was on to creating fountains with Diet Coke and Mentos. Now if it was just me, I would have dropped a mento into a bottle of Diet Coke. But, since Corry was around, he drilled holes into all the mentos and then strung them on a wire at the top of the bottle of Coke. Then Corry dressed Scotty up in his fishing gear to go pull all the wires to make the fountains. Corry even drilled holes in different places so that the fountains would look different. Thank goodness he was around!

After that they were TOTALLY crazy!!! Thankfully it was a kind of nice day and they played outside a lot of the time.

Then it was in for cake

Corry was really into it by this time and couldn't light a candle with a regular match, he had to do it with his blow torch!

I hope he made a great wish!

After cake, we also made playdoh and let the kids put food coloring in. They made some pretty interesting concoctions! Then it was onto present, not really presents though. I still hate having junk in my house and my kids don't really need anything, so we asked the kids to bring a favorite memory or story about Scotty. They talked about the water fight they had together, how they appreciated Scotty being a good friend, he got a huge candybar poster about him and my favorite was the one about the jelly bellys. See Scotty and Libby were making the recipes with the jelly bellys one day when Scotty decided he wanted to try all the flavors together. So he did and had this huge wad of jelly bellys in his mouth and was laughing because it was so gross! That is my boy!

After the party we went to buy his new scriptures. He picked the big ones and wanted Scotty M. Cloward to be written on them. He loves being Scotty! He has been so excited to get his own scriptures that have ALL of the scriptures together.

That night we had his favorite dinner of ribs with Grandma and Grandpa and Cookies and Cream ice cream. He was also so excited to get his own ipod (actually Fuzzy's old one she had to give us in order to get her new one for her b-day). He loves listening to his tunes!

The kids got him a ZhuZhu pet and he thought it was so cool that the track is a figure 8 and he is 8!

All in all it was a great day! I love my Scotty! Happy Birthday Son!

Two Good Days in a row!

I think I might just be getting the hang of this 6 kids thing! All to church on time even! We will see what 9 AM church does for that next year! But today I am happy.

So one of my fears was about church. The boys haven't been much, but they have been taught to fold their arms for prayers and who Jesus is. Scotty got new scriptures for his b-day yesterday, so this morning he gave Kyler his old ones and his old scripture bag. Kyler loves them! He pulled them out a few times during Sacrament meeting to look at the pictures. Tonight he told me he left his scriptures in the car and asked if I could go get them out for him. Then he opened them and asked me who the pictures were of and showed me all the pictures of Jesus inside. As far as primary went, he loved it! I was a little surprised at how well he did, but I was grateful. I requested him to be in my friends sons' class since he had met the two boys already, I thought that might be easier for him. When I asked him tonight what his favorite part of church was, he got all excited and said the singing time. He has told me several times that he loves music! Carter on the other hand had a much harder time. I guess he cried for almost an hour in nursery. They got him calmed down once and playing, then it started again. They came and got me and he instantly stopped in my arms. In someways I think that is a good thing that he was attached enough to me to stop crying in my arms and to be nervous about strangers.

The boys crashed hard after church, just in time for me to take Corry to the airport. Single-parenting it again for the week. The evening also went well. I feel very blessed to have them at this point. I have been thinking about what would happen if the Savior stood beside me and handed them to me. What would I do? But isn't that what happened? I have also looked around at so many amazing people in my life that have overcome similar hardships. I have many heros to look to and thankfully to talk to. I also have amazing VT who showed up with dinner randomly and an amazing cousin who did the same tonight and another amazing friend doing that later this week. My daughters, in-laws, friends and SIL are all helping me out with babysitting so I can still teach dance, help in the classrooms at school, spend time with all 6 kids one on one, and hopefully when Corry gets back in town have a date with my amazing hubby (who just happened to stay awake all through church for the first time in A LONG TIME since Carter was sitting on his lap)! I can't tell you how many people have been my angels this past week. I am blessed!

Julie asked me tonight what they can do to help. I still think mostly prayers in our behalf is the thing we need most - believe me I am feeling them - also the constant reassurance that we can do this! One thing I have also struggled with is my faith. Whenever I have gotten an answer or been inspired to do something, I jump in with both feet because I know the Lord knows better than I do. This time has been more difficult to trust in Him when I can't see the future to know it will all work out. I have always been a look forward kind of person and I think the Lord is giving me this to learn to be a more live in the moment kind of person. Take one day at a time, looking forward to a goal, but living in the moment. That is where I feel the prayers the most is when I need help with my own faith.

Great Day

Today was a great day - granted it was Scotty's b-day, but we pulled off a basketball game (including treats for the team), dance practice, Fuzzy's test to get into the gifted and talented program at the jr high next year, more dance practice, mostly got the house clean, a birthday party with 14 7-9 year old kids (making playdoh, rootbeer and fountains), a failed attempt to take the boys to see their mom, shopping for Scotty's scriptures, and birthday dinner. All with 6 kids in toe. I think that was a pretty successful day! I also did it all with a smile on my face that I meant. YEA!

Followed by

OK, so my best day was promptly followed by my worst day, but today has been good. Granted I went in to the school to run the book club and helped in my kids' classrooms, but it was still good. I still can do those things which when I was overwhelmed I felt like I would have to give up. I also decided yesterday that I am not going to quit teaching dance. That decision pulled a HUGE weight off my shoulders. I felt like I had to quit because I didn't want these boys to feel like I wouldn't work with the others, but with them it didn't matter, so I would keep doing it. I had to change my perspective. I worked out my car pools and I am feeling like I can find my life again amidst all the change. Today when I was at school I talked to LOTS of people about what has been going on and I didn't cry! I also talked to a friend who adopted her granddaughter at a year old an had the same thoughts and feelings I had. WOW! I felt so much better after talking to her.

I feel like I have new life today. Like I can do this. I so appreciate all the support and prayers. A friend of mine told me that she never really talked to anyone that wasn't going through this about these feelings because she was worried they would all think she was just heartless. I have gotten mostly really supportive responses and I really appreciate that! I learned from my miscarriages to not hold things in, but to let others around me know my heart. That has been a huge blessing to have learned that lesson. I talk to everyone and I am really honest! I think it is so much better than all the suffering I did alone. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

I also talked to my dad last night, and it made me cry in a good way. He told me I was his hero for trying to live my life the way the Lord wants me to.

My Best Day so Far

I had a great and hard day today. I decided to become fun mom again today and not to stop doing the fun things I love to do. But, I wanted to give my dance moms a heads up that I might not be back to teach again. I couldn't keep the tears away from that one!

We had hard times - several time outs - but we had good times. My favorite quote of the day was Kyler tonight at dinner. "That's a picture of Jesus - he is really nice." I think my heart grew about 10 times when I heard that!

I think I might just end up OK. - Maybe even better than OK!

Today

Today I am angry, frustrated and so many other emotions. This whole journey began because I didn't want to go through the emotional drama of another miscarriage if I didn't know that I was supposed to have another baby. What my emotions have done over the past week is already worse than a lot of the emotional drama I went through with miscarriages.

I am so angry and frustrated that we even have to do this - that there is a foster care program at all. Why can't parents love their children enough to change their ways. They really do need to be with their birth families - to hear the boys cry for their parents in heart wrenching!

I am frustrated with the system that makes it so difficult for us to have them in our home. All the rules and regulations are so frustrating.

I am frustrated mostly with myself for still not coming to grips with all of this. In one moment they melt my heart and the next I hope their parents clean up their lives so that I can go back to my nice simple life. My friend said it this way. It is like you are babysitting someone else's kids and it is long past due when they should have picked them up and you are ready to just be you again - only those parents aren't ever coming back to pick them up. I feel terrible for the boys and want them to be happy, I just don't know how big my heart is yet and if there is truly room for them on the same level as the others. There is a difference between knowing God's will for you and being able to follow through with it. I also question multiple times daily my own answers and inspirations. How can I be so sure one moment and not the other?

Corry and talked this morning about the advice Pres Hinckley often gave. Serve others and you will be happy in the midst of your suffering. I feel like all I do is serve others and I am sinking. He reminded me of the other thing he always said to forget yourselves and go to work. He compared it to a mission. There are times especially right at first where you hate it even though you are serving daily. The difference comes when you learn to forget yourself. That is the thing I am having a hard time doing. Where is the line between filling my bucket so I don't drown and forgetting myself in the service of others?

I so appreciate all the help I have received and all the offers of help I have received, but shouldn't I be able to do this? Farming them off to my friends all the time for them to take care of them isn't really the solution is it?

Pioneer Legacy

The kids and I all had the chance to be in a great ballet show called Pioneer Legacy. It is the story of a mother crossing the plains to Utah. It was a great story and a fun show to do all together. The bummer part of the whole thing was that there wasn't anyone to stay with the 30 children backstage but me, so I missed Missy and Fuzzy in their dances. I was very sad, but I had a great time with all the pioneer children playing telephone, I spy, and down by the banks. Scotty thought it was great to be in his first show too. Just FYI - he did not dance. He fished, played leap frog, hassled girls, got chased by girls and did pushups when the teachers caught him hassling the girls. It was the perfect roll for Scotty. It had been such a whirlwind day that I totally forgot about flowers for the girls and Scotty let his dad know it. It was his first show and he didn't get any flowers. he thought he got ripped off. Corry explained that flowers are really a girl thing, so we went to Iceburg to celebrate. That was good enough for him!

Primary Program

My first Primary Sacrament Meeting Program I got to do with Fuzzy, Scotty and Alli. We weren't really sure what Alli was going to do during the program. During the two practices before, she was a PILL!!! She not only wouldn't do her part, but she clung to me and wouldn't let me lead the music. (After storming off the stand in a huff.) Anyway, we were ALL very surprised when she got right up there and did her part very sweetly and sang all the songs. It was a wonderful program and I am so glad to be in with those cute primary kids right now.

Halloween Night

Halloween night was so cold and rainy that Alli didn't even wear her costume. We just dressed in snow clothes and the devil horns came off by the second house so the hood could go on. I also discovered that we need a whole lot of new umbrellas! We only could find two and the one I took was broken. Amazingly though, the kids had a great time and although they were cold, they didn't want to stop trick or treating!

I love that Alli is laying her head on Scotty's shoulder in this picture!

The girls took off with their friends and had a great time - I think.

After it was home to warm jammies and hot chocolate

Scotty counting and sorting the stash

Forgiveness: My Burden Was Made Light

So I LOVED this when I saw it awhile ago, but it means even more to me now. At one point he says that it wasn't him that was amazing, it was just him being an instrument in God's hands. He just simply listened to the Lord and was the mouthpiece for Him. I have had so many people tell me how "amazing" I am for doing foster care. I am not amazing. (Just ask the people who have caught me in my tears.) I am simply doing God's will for me and my family. There has been so much prayer that has gone into this. Especially in the last few days - just to make sure this is REALLY His will. If my Heavenly Father did not want me to do this, I would NOT be doing it. It is messing with life and these small children's futures - eternal futures.

Conversations tonight

Scotty - You know how if you read 7 nights a week at school you get put in a drawing for a new bike?

Me - Yes

Scotty - Well I want to do it so that I can get a small bike and give it to Kyler so that he can have his own bike.

I love our family. I know it won't always be like this, but for now I am enjoying how excited they all are and how much they already love each other!

Halloween Class Parties!

One thing I have loved doing is helping with my kids parties in school. If only I could clone myself to help with everything they do! I love their teachers and I love seeing them interact with their friends where I can kind of be a fly on the wall. It was fun especially to see Alli and how she interacts with her friends.

Here Alli is with her cute teacher. She thought the halloween party was the greatest thing ever. The most fun day at school she ever had. I love Kindergartners. They are so happy with everything.

Scotty's party I didn't get to help with, but I had a great time going in there for a little bit and seeing his class.

Alli with hopefully her 6th grade teacher in 6 more years!

Fuzzy with her awesome teacher.

Grammy's visit

We loved having Grammy visit us for awhile. Before we heard about the boys it was a busy visit complete with house hunting galore! We had a great time looking for houses, but sadly none of them were the best fit for mom and dad. We will find it (or I will finally convince them to build one instead!)!

The kids just adore my mom. She loves to play with them and talk to them one on one. I love that she is an awesome Grandma! Of course she brought stuff to make slobber snacks and the kids had a great time doing that with her!

Hanging out in the kitchen talking - one of our favorite things to do with Grammy!

Reading stories - one of the other favorite things to do!

Fuzzy's rocket project

Fuzzy had to make a rocket for a project for school. She first decided to do it out of cupcakes, but that didn't work so well!

Then she made it out of rice crispy treats, but they forgot to spray the container first. So...

She just had to eat it right out of the container!

She and Corry had a fun time working on this rocket project together.

Always one more thing

Home ownership always come with a long to do list, but it seems like that to do list has gotten longer and longer lately. Granted the house is 13 years old and we have not had to replace much...yet! Since we got the boys we have felt like the project we could put off, is no longer one that can be put off!

5 years ago we finished the basement and we have had a whole string of problems with the shower we had made. Sadly the workmanship was to blame... they CUT through the pan liner to make the tiles fit better! The pan liner is there to keep the water in the shower. Sadly by the time we knew there was a problem, there was not much we could do to save it. How we found it was that the wall started to bulge, then mold appeared. That means Homeowner's Insurance WILL NOT cover it! Lame-O! Anyway, we stopped using it in February and now we are finally getting around to the demo! Just one more expense out the window! Anyway, Corry is amazing and it is all demoed and just needs to get the new shower installed now.

A little more info

OK, so I am feeling better about my world and am able to talk to people without crying again, so I thought I would write a few more tidbits of info. So I just want to remind anyone that reads this that it is my journal. I thought about keeping a hard copy, but I really don't think I would write in it. So I am trusting that like the 4 people that read this are understand this is a journal for me.

OK so Monday my mom and I were at the grocery store preparing for a busy day at Pioneer Legacy and for her to leave on Tuesday when I got a call from John, the social worker. He let me know that we were the family selected and that we should have know before the weekend! There was so much we could have gotten done, but oh well! We hurried up and paid and left before the tears started. My emotions were in overload at that time, but mostly they were just so happy. It has been four years since we started this process when I went to the temple to find out if there was another child that was supposed to come to our home. I was in SHOCK when the answer was to adopt. After that my mind had to turn to getting ready for the dance show that night. All night I kept thinking how much I love doing what I do. I love those little girls and I LOVE to dance!

The next day was spent with my incredible mom, amazing friends and my most incredible Brother-in-law, Chad! They were all so amazing but we would not have gotten done what needed to be done without Chad. Let me explain. right now we have a 5 bedroom house. 1 for me and Corry, 1 for Miss and Fuzz, 1 for Scotty and 1 for Alli. Then there is the exercise room. With our treadmill, weight bench and stationary bike. Plus all my craft stuff and let me tell you there was a lot of craft stuff! This room was going to become Scotty's room , so the boys could have his room by Corry and I. So, in order to give Scotty this room, we had to clean out the garage to make room for the stuff in the storage room to make room for the stuff from the exercise room. IT WAS A PROCESS! But we got it all done! Chad is an amazing packer and was able to fit everything we needed in the places we needed it.

After that, we went to meet the boys (after a good shower)! To me it was super awkward. To Corry it was love at first sight. Their current foster mom is AWESOME! They just weren't in this for adoption, only for fostering. So since it looks like this will probably move to termination of parental rights, DCFS wants to move the boys now. I left that night barely able to hold it all together. What was I doing? What if they hated us? What if they choose down the road to take the same path as their biological parents? Can I handle this? I get frustrated with Miss, Fuzz, Scoot and Al sometimes, how am I going to be able to keep it together? There were a million thought like this running through my head and I was totally physically and emotionally drained.

After a good nights sleep and lots of prayers, Wednesday was a much better day. I know this is the path I am supposed to take and I know that my Heavenly Father will not give me any trial or temptation that I am not able to over come (1 Corinthians 10:13). Then in the morning I read in Mosiah 3:4 "For the Lord hath heard they prayers, and judged of they righteousness, and hath sent me to declare unto thee that thou mayest rejoice; and that thou mayest declare unto thy people, that they may also be filled with joy." This is referring to looking forward to the coming of Christ, but I took it as finding joy now. This is a good thing! I need to find joy in it and rejoice and I need to teach my children, all my children, to find joy and rejoice with me!

I felt so much better after that! Wednesday then became filled with cleaning and making all the rooms home. We moved clothes, got rid of a lot of stuff, organized and personalized.

My mom left this morning which is bitter sweet. I really need to do this on my own today and I appreciate that she left so we could have this time together, but how sad that she doesn't get to stay and be apart of this initial transition, especially after all the HARD work she put in! But I am good today, we will see how I am tomorrow, but today I am good. I am sure this is going to be an emotional roller coaster for all of us, but I do have faith that this is what I am supposed to do and that we can find joy in this journey.

So a little about them. Carter is almost 2 and pretty darn adorable. Kyler is 4 and also adorable, but very shy and scared right now. He loves his biological parents and loves his foster mom. He is kind of a sad little guy. Just FYI for those who might actually meet them in the next little while, adoption is not to be mentioned. Although it looks like that is the way it is headed, it is not there yet and needs to be left out of the conversation with the boys. Their current foster mom has been calling us their new mom and dad and always refers to their birth parents by name to start trying to ease the transition. We just have to be really careful with their very sensitive spirits right now.

Better Day

Feeling much better today. This will all work out. Tomorrow they come for a sleepover. The bedrooms are almost all put together! We are getting there.

Hmmmm

Totally overwhelmed tonight. Trying to figure out why this is God's plan for me. It will all work out though...

Better Update

We were selected! We are meeting the two little boys tomorrow. I am still not sure what I can post and what I can't so that is all I can say right now! YEA!!!!! Anyone want to come help me move furniture tomorrow at noon and figure out where to put everything???

Update

We know nothing! It is driving me a little bit crazy, but I still know that whatever is meant to happen will happen. I was going to call our RFC (Resource Family Consultant) today to see if she had heard anything, but right before I called her, I remembered that it is a government job - they don't work on Fridays! Oh, well. I guess we will see what happens on Monday.

School Pictures

6th Grade

2nd Grade

Kindergarten

Time

Why is it that the same time period can seem so long some times and so short other times. Take for example after Alli gets out of school. We have about 2 and a half hours before we have to start picking up the other kids. Most of the time that 2.5 hours feels very short like there is not enough time to get everything done. Other days it is blissfully long with loads of time to get everything done. Why is that?

Wow - the answer

OK, since Alli is telling everyone, I guess I will post a little about what is going on. I was going to wait until we knew for sure. Julane was dead on right. We received a call from DCFS on Wednesday letting us know there are two little boys they would possibly like to place with us. We met with the case worker on Thursday and there should be a final decision in the next few weeks. This is a little different situation since these boys have been in the system for quite some time and know they are moving towards a permanent placement for them. Mostly I just hope these little guys end up where they need to be and have a permanent home! What a week it ended up being! And now we wait...

What I overheard today

Scotty and Alli in the back of the car today were coloring. What they were coloring were campaign posters. They are both running for President of Mom's Birthday! Campaign promises include planning the best birthday party ever! So they are making their posters and are going to have an election complete with speeches the next time they can get all their friends together. Alli says, "I think Lyvi will vote for me and Harrison. Harrison likes to play with me and we have so much fun together. Remington really likes me too." These boys are 8 years old and are really sweet with Alli. I can't wait to see who wins and what the winner does for the best birthday party!

Cloward Halloween Party

Halloween is not my favorite holiday, but there are a few things I love about it:

#1 - Candy: what can I say, I still love the stuff!

#2 - Dressing up: it is so fun to be someone that is out of character for you to be. I don't do scary though!

#3 - the Cloward Halloween Party~

This year we had super-dog - the kids thought Ky needed a costume too

Mario

Sneaky little devils in the kitchen with the donuts

A fabulous game of Red Rover to start the day off

No much better than donuts on a string!

Ok, maybe messing with the kids while we play with donuts on a string

Wow Fuzz, that is a great look for you!

Corry - Handsome devil!

Alli really was the cutest little devil. I had a really fun time doing all the girls' hair, but Corry did let me know that for Missy being an 80's rocker, she really didn't have big enough hair!

Bobbing for apples is really a very disgusting tradition, but SOOOO funny to watch!

Then it was time for the cake walk that wasn't really a cake walk it was a get a cool trick-or-treat bag from grandma walk.

Thanks Grandma - you are the best!

Alli's fav treasure - vampire teeth!

Wow Fuzz - you are pretty!

Thanks for all the fun Halloween stuff Grandma and for a fun party!

This is the part of Halloween I love!