Fate...?

It was odd, really. I thought that blowing the Sector Five reactor would be as simple as the first one. To cut a long story short, everything went wrong, and I ended up falling through the floor to the slum underneath. All I could think of as I fell was Tifa. I could see her grasping the empty air where I'd been just before, and I remember wishing that I wasn't about to die, just so I would be able to keep my promise to her.

The next thing I knew, I was staring into the face of the cute flower girl from last night. Her name is Aerith, a nice name that seems to suit her. We were in the middle of a church full of flowers. They were all different colours, and I'd never seen anything like it in Midgar before. It's not the kind of place you would expect to find anything beautiful - greys and browns are more it's type. We started talking, but a Turk barged in along with some Shinra soldiers. I've never liked them; they're meant to scout candidates for SOLDIER, but they do all the company's dirty business as well. Aerith asked me to be her bodyguard then. I took the job, because the pay was good - no guy in their right mind turns down a date with a cute girl.

We escaped through the roof of the church, but Aerith took a while to get down. I tried to find out why she was being hunted by the Turks, of all people, but I couldn't get a straight answer. It seems that they REALLY want her to be in SOLDIER, though. Somehow, she knew I'd been in SOLDIER just by looking at my eyes - I'm not sure how she knew about the mako infusion's effects, and she didn't want to say.

When we reached her house, everything came flooding back, especially thoughts of Tifa. I had no idea if she'd managed to get out of the reactor in time, or if she'd been hurt, or if she was still alive. Aerith seemed a bit put out at the thought of another girl, but I quickly made sure she knew that Tifa wasn't my girlfriend or anything like that. She seemed pretty amused by it - I wasn't. But she did insist on showing me the way back to Sector 7, so I guess she didn't mind too much.

After, her mother asked me to leave in the middle of the night, so Aerith wouldn't know. She seemed worried that I used to be in SOLDIER. I don't blame her - she acts like all mothers do... including mine. I guess that's what brought back memories of mum, and all her talk of girlfriends. I remember thinking it was a pretty stupid idea at the time, but now... I just can't think of anything about her as stupid. I'd never realised how much I missed her until tonight, but it's not like there's anything I can do about it, or anything I can say to anyone that would help. It seems to be the only purpose for memories - to taunt you with visions of times gone past. I would be happier living without mine, I think. But for now, I have to get back to Tifa, to make sure she doesn't become nothing more than one.

Thar she blows!

We blew the reactor, all right...

Strike One

We blew the Sector 1 reactor today. We as in AVALANCHE, that is. I don't hold any loyalties to them or the Planet, though. Or to Shinra, even if Barrett doesn't believe me. They've got nothing to do with me - if someone else wants to sort them out, let them go ahead. I'm just a mercenary, and a damn good one at that - I'm an ex-SOLDIER, after all. It was a simple job, straight in and out. I'd be a lot happier if Barret would just shut up about all his saving the Planet stuff, though.

I managed to bump into a cute flower girl on the way back - I think that's why I bought a flower from her. It was only a gil after all, even if I'm getting crappy pay for this job. I ended up giving it to Tifa, because she was the one who got me this job.

I honestly can't remember what I did before then. Every time I try to think back on it, it's just one big blank. The last thing I remember is... Nibelheim. And it hurts, when I bring up those memories. I do remember, though, the promise I made to Tifa when we were kids. It was a really nice night when I promised that I would be her hero, and rescue her whenever she was in trouble.

I wanted to be outta there after I'd gotten my pay. But Tifa, with her talk of promises, somehow managed to convince me to do the next mission. I'm not a hero, and I'm not famous, but I guess she made me believe that I could save her, if I'd just do the stupid thing. I'd never forgotten that promise to her, my childhood sweetheart. And I didn't want to break something so special to me, even if I'm still a nothing. So, even if the pay is a laughable amount, tomorrow I'll be blowing up the Sector 5 reactor. For Tifa.