great family trip at Pulau Ubin!

Had a good time with my family over the weekend....

we went to the MCC Ubin Resort. It is a nice place. I think it's really God's blessing. we sang karoake, ate dinner, had soccer game.

and today, we walked for quite a long distance and cycled till our bums hurt.
Thank God for the family bonding. cool.....another one to come next year!
gd to go every year.

thank God for my parents

o yes,
thank God for my parents!

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas....for whoever is there....and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

God bless you wif PEACE, HOPE, FAITH, JOY and His Gift of Love!

my journey and doing what I am passionate abt

hahaahaaaa
the last few days were packed with crazy stuff.

First, i almost went crazy as things were not happening the way I thot shd be....
then I quarrelled wif my bro....
then i had gatherings wif frens tho I felt a bit down.....and had no money (thus felt really really poor)

i. realise i need to scrimp again (haha, it's like after 2 yrs of scrimping, after i got new job, entered into a buying "spree" for the new job)

ii. relationship wif bro deteriorated till there was no trust nor love bet. the two of us...it was so bad

iii. going crazy as I felt that God let me down....and He was all that I "relied on" and had....

Presto....then came God's help, to first let me rest my silly thots, send pple to divert my attention and brought me to pple/places that help me to realise what a mess i got myself into----worrying and depressing attitude.

What was the happy me?

Why did I bec. so joy-less and easily confused?

i guess the burden is almost invisible---weighing down on me.

NEXT, i threw away the burden and kept directing questions to God, why this, why that, and gave God many "arrows" of my negative emotions.

I cant believe God would be able to answer my every question; need.

then on Sat, from pastor's sermon, i realise i am lost. A lost sheep......forgetting the shepherd, went to graze somewhere and got lost....and just bec. irritatingly ashamed.

Thank God all the above craziness, quarrel wif Bro......etc. were resolved.


**************
kay, abt doing the thing I am passionate abt....i am not really doing now.
I am just working.
Hahaha....never felt so weird before....thank God too.
COZ i always pride myself for being "different". yes, i need a time of quietness and non-excitement...
a period to slow down and not be super-duper "know-it-all"....maybe i shd just "evaporate"
No lah, just too eager at times,
now resting,
just floating,
then see how
maybe the most surprising stuff will happen while I am at rest....
serious.
And when i am mature and ready [defined as sure] to just do it!
definitely will do the thing i am most passionate abt

job done

yeah,
i finally got the marketing brochure out.....

today at work still quite boring....not much to do. I am like back to studying.....overall still quite gd. Met up wif Patsy!

a passage frm the bible

John 14
Jesus Comforts His Disciples 1“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God[a]; trust also in me. 2In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. 3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. 4You know the way to the place where I am going.”
Jesus the Way to the Father 5Thomas said to him, “Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?”
6Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7If you really knew me, you would know[b] my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”
8Philip said, “Lord, show us the Father and that will be enough for us.”
9Jesus answered: “Don't you know me, Philip, even after I have been among you such a long time? Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father. How can you say, ‘Show us the Father’? 10Don't you believe that I am in the Father, and that the Father is in me? The words I say to you are not just my own. Rather, it is the Father, living in me, who is doing his work. 11Believe me when I say that I am in the Father and the Father is in me; or at least believe on the evidence of the miracles themselves. 12I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father. 13And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father. 14You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.
Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit 15“If you love me, you will obey what I command. 16And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever– 17the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you. 18I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. 19Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. 20On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. 21Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
22Then Judas (not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Lord, why do you intend to show yourself to us and not to the world?”
23Jesus replied, “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. 24He who does not love me will not obey my teaching. These words you hear are not my own; they belong to the Father who sent me.
25“All this I have spoken while still with you. 26But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. 27Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
28“You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. 29I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. 30I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, 31but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.
“Come now; let us leave.

the world continues to shock me

i guess I am really a sheltered person running away from things which I cannot handle

i dont understand, dont want to know it cant be changed, dont feel like waiting for change, dont trust God when things dont happen.................

it's so scary......i wish i could disappear immed. and go up to see God in Heaven

God, you must have a plan for me and will take care of me whenever I feel down!

new workplc, new colleagues

i miss my ex-colleagues, the kids....

sigh, the new work place has nice colleagues but there's little time to gel as they seldom eat lunch.....

thank God there's a colleague who is nice and two of us always eat together, she is like a mentor to me....willing to share. And, fortunately she's outgoing and quite direct.

I had a short time trying to adjust back to the corporate world....some politics.


NEED lotsa wisdom at work to know wat to say and not to say!
i cannot feel the passion in this job though........i was thinking yest. whether I should reconsider what I should do for work.
Working is meant for survival....but I cannot do work for work's sake. I need to feel passionate abt wat I am doing!

this week is quite "nua" at work for me as there is not much stuff to do nor meetings to attend.....
I did say something wrong today. Jia lat.....must really watch my tongue.
Wisdom, Lord! i want to be wise

my life, my frenz, my all

in a nostalgic mood yet happy and cheery tonite

where shd I start?

my head hurt all day, till i gave up. I think it's slight migraine, v slight.

haha, been thinking (using my brain) more....
wish that I need not work, just laze ard doing nothing, which is impossible.
=0)

as I was saying, I suddenly feel like meeting up wif all my frens...just to meet up, just to tell them how much I love them....yah, I miss the gals and kids while I was wif my ex Company--LS.
REally....wana meet up wif them SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how?

outing? BBQ?
Also miss all my church frens...past, present and the missing ones...haha

Whenever I look at my pics, I recall so many things....as I was telling my aunt, I have such a gd memory, I shd be a CID.

Well, everytime I see the pics I rem my frens....I guess i can rem the gd and bad times, as well as frens whom I have missed (passed them by).

hopefully I get to see them still...maintain the friendships ever ever from then till the future....which I know sometimes is impossible.

This is the 2nd week of my new job...got a bit sick today, haha, dunno if it's alreadi sick of the work. It's really work is work. It's the people that matters and purpose behind living.
Love people, love living, love God...
my motto!
and yes, love my family....I v critical...change, change, change!

.....and starting new job

ahhhhh fell ill so many times last wk and then got the letter of appt finally from the co,
starting new job tmr.
of coz m happie but scared....duno what to expect
I had a tough week, last week and at last, i have time to rest this weekend.

Wed ---ill, but went to get letter of appt & bought new phone!!!!!! yeah, at $0. Sony-Ericsson T630.
hehe.... then it was my grandpa's bdae dinner

THU --public holiday, stayed at home and recuperate...

FRI--met my pastor to talk and fren who came fr Suzhou...

Sat--hectic....woke up at 5plus...God woke me up...prepared for work---handover and workshts stuff.
Gosh...i quarrelled wif a fren over sms-es...yucks.
cannot believe it and that she may be upset now.

Sun--church...God is present and help in times of need...we need to watch over our tongues...

MON--ya, walk in Botanics Gdns, fresh air! Grandma was v happy. Now, tired... had been 'revising' my real estate notes & now....think I dislike hardship-studying that's y.

Typing a 8-page tenancy agreement for dad now...
wish that i neednt go thru this...

tmr, c how my new job goes...new colleagues....God, how?

depression ....down and then OUT!

The past few weeks I have 'submitted' to depression. It was like a pit....my head doesnt think well, appetite increased, mood swings......
haha, didnt even feel like smiling....and ya, didnt feel like doing exercise...which doesnt help
DID NT noe that the depression could be self-sustainable if I didnt do anythg abt it

My parents did ask and were quite puzzled in the beg....they thot it's becoz I have yet found a job...then they stopped asking...

Ya, it's partly coz of the job search...which drained me...after sending countless resumes (i keep a record), going out for many interviews...preparation needed beforehand....'hyping' myself up...
I merely n actually went by each day wif low confidence. YUCKZ...like a time-bomb that couldnt even explode...just chose to be dangerously dormant. hahaahaa....
THEN i decided, miraculously (thks for praying) that I would walk out of it. I started reading newspapers in a diff. way (not just the Life Section 4 fashion n movies)....but other stuff like Recruit...like the industries which I am interested to work in...to find out what knowledge i lack or wat skills I shd be prepared to have if I want to seriously do those.

Oya, also had more time to talk to my parents...started to listen to their advice...though not all is useful, I had some vulnerability --that's enuff to 'crack' me, the v.stubborn nut.
AND also spoke to my pastor and cg leader...got them to help me..not just pray but asked for counsel.
What really helped me is God, who sends pple to encourage me, even when I dun wan any. AND little surprises like gd frens' smses....and calling fr some old frens...we met up.

HAHA....so can you see why I named my blog cloud n rainbow? Coz I noe there will always be clouds and rainbows!!!!
jiayou!!!!!
God loves each n every one of us...and is always calling us...coz we are children of God, not meant to be rats in the race. We will have to work hard and be smart--noe that Surely.Man.Arent.Really.The Lord of our lives.

after puking

haah
after puking a few times on Mon wee hours...actualli cleared my stomach of all the rubbish I took for the past 1-2 weeks.
was depressed actualli and couldnt do much except to eat loh
haha
good to empty my stomach after stressing it with so much rich food....bread, cakes, rice, muesli bars, etc etc.
I have a sweet tooth you see.
Come to think of it, learnt a lot more...now got chance to examine my strengths and weaknesses...that day talked to my pastor and cried and cried...duno how I became less and less joyful in these 2 yrs...noe that I have some issues unresolved.
Then read a few of my frenz' blog too...
theirs are so so so much more reader-friendly than mine! I got so much fun reading and yes, this good gal fren of mine---her bro is really interesting...very gd in coming up with ideas. so young alreadi so creative, sure go a long way
I really dunno how I will survive this no job period...sometimes feel so useless...worry. Sometimes I am so happy, coz I learn not to take things for granted. AND i realise I very lazy...dream too much is no gd!
Live the present.
God bless yoU! =0)
pukin' is done, back to work...thank God for all the part-time assignments, which is a means of livelihood for me, for some 'luxurious' treats like a new christian cd i got today. Yipee!!!!

cya k

yucks....fell ill

haha,
realised I do not have the habit of writing a blog...recently read one of my gal fren's blog, hers is so updated...so fun to read.

I vomitted 3 times last nite and had diarrhoea once this morn....thank God I did not have any other vomit or diarrhoea.
Saw a doc yest. and resting at home....so nice to sleep and sleep.

for my litespeed colleagues

hihihi all

including all my family and gal frens
i had been having headache and pain at times...sometimes discharge.
dunno what to do as women have the problem.
Been back fr the China trip...wow, it's really a dream come thru for me, after 3 yrs of longing to go there but yet go.
This trip gotta make it at this time becoz in midst of job change...ALSO becoz I wana go there n look c, c if I can work there (i.e. when I consider applying for a job there).
Anyway, got a lot a lot to share most of the time, hope you all are not bored. For me, recently, it's abt transitioning in my life in terms of job (finding direction; purpose vs livelihood); emotions (growing still); finances (saving money and learning to spend wisely).

i just never got down to type =p and WONDER IF ANY of YOU READ...haahaa

I went for a church wedding n wedding dinner last nite. really think my gal fren A is v pretty....she v nice, at the end of the day, she just want all of us to enjoy ourselves.

Today, Sun, Sept 19 was really v very fun for me. Singapore Ultimate Frisbee organised their International Frisbee League and my ex-company there to cooperate and spread the sport among sch teachers. AND they need part-timer, so I am there.

Haha, really miss them...last time never really appreciate each and every one of them...maybe see them differently now TOO....really think they are so nice and growing from young teenager to more mature ladies!!!!!!!
=0)
I hope I am beginning to be more people-loving. Really, last time meet pple or wana like them more becoz my mind or motive says so.

It is a great release for me after I got 'hit' by certain events recently that I realise people need genuine, sincere friendship and like colleague G says--love and tender care.

I can't probably share everything here. JUST SAY THAT MY LITESPEED COLLEAGUES are so adorable and admirable. I wana say- I remember all of you; a part in my life.

I am still looking for job. DA JIA jia you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

positively me

it is impossible to feel happy without good things happening... yet I do. In fact, despite knowing that I have done wrong or made a lot of mistakes.

This is a dance devotion motion which I will be presenting...in the midst of the lostness, the wilderness I feel these few months. hope everything comes through fine.

You rescued me, and picked me up
A living hope, of grace revealed
A life transformed, in righteousness
Oh Lord you have rescued me

Forgiving me, you healed my heart
And set me free, from sin and death
You brought me life, you've made me whole
Oh Lord you have rescued me

And you loved me, before I knew you
And you knew me for all time
I've been created in your image, oh Lord
And you brought me
And you sought me
Your blood poured out for me
A new creation in your image, oh Lord
You rescued me
You rescued me

I actualli have much more to share abt my journey in many different areas--esp. after I became a christian. Perhaps it is not necessary to share more here. If you would like to read about thy story, why I talk abt God so much, a gal so like that.... email me. =0)

i am weird

these few days have been v tough coz things happen.........haha
i almost quarrelled wif my bro,
i realised i am still so emotional....

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

many areas of my life developed

in these 2 years when I slowly put down my urge to get attached, I admit sometimes or many times i am not feeling. Coz I am v emotional, thus chose not to feel at times....sort of waiting for my own emotional state to be stabilised.
ya....i used to hunger over love like nobody's biz...and am not shy abt it...

it's just that I need someone to love and be wif...
THEN....i realise God doesnt want me to be in love for love sake. He's not depriving me of love too...just that love is too much my addiction.

i began to develop other areas of my live, slowly, very slowly in fact. Now still developing...
1st, my stability as a person, efficiency in doing things, ability to take care of little character stuff like envy, impatience, jealousy, etc.

haha, anger too.

finally I am free of all these...thus begin to seek love again. AND yet again, I feel weird. Like I swung to the other extreme, not feeling the normal way,afraid to be addicted to love yet not able to be happy as single.
OKAY, i noe that being single is not what God meant for most of us. i.e. only those with the GIFT of celibacy does remain single.

We will be able to get attached!
haha, so it's time for me to noe guys NORMALLY and noe them as frenz...not have too much fear. =p

just me

hi...hope this gets through!

duno how to put this down in words...but am v happy now, it's like a sense of peace in my heart.
been feeling like dying these few weeks or months. I think I have really lost the purpose to live/meaning in what I do.
I'm sure this feeling is not alien to many as even my driver fren shared that wif me.

it's a hard life for me the past few years, esp. in the years when my ambition was on ministry, as a christian. I got very obsessed.

I felt depressed when I work v hard but do not get what I want. I am lost.
I would feel sad at times but I dont noe how to get out of it. Most prob. I didnt noe that I was lost.

It's really destructive to be ambitious. For the wrong reasons. How I began to realise that I am ambitious for the wrong reasons is when I realise I lost the love for people--genuinely. The v first reason why I believe in Jesus was, His love. His unconditional love for me. His love enabled me to be free from fear. His love which was a kind love.

I really do not noe how to put it across to people now. My prayer last nite was that I want to be able to be normal.

I realised that I stopped laughing...I lost my sharpness in making decisions.
Thank God that He brought me out of my wrong perceptions, through people (be they christians and non-christians), through my pastor, through my family, esp. my brother.

God started to be real to my fren too, via speaking to her...hehe, she tested God by asking Him if she could pass a singing audition, and then subsequently if she could have the ability to join both (i) a youth expedition trip and (ii) a singing course. She is not rich with financial resources.

I was also deep in entanglement wif my emotions...I duno how to react normally to guys and didnt noe what to do wif the huge amount of emotions that I have.
I once thought that escaping my emotions was sufficient, but I never thot the backlash would come..... hehe, it came in form of death. GOD actually just wants me to tell Him honestly how I feel.
What I do (actions) may affect, but at least I tell Him and He directs me as my heart is open...=0)

Ultimate Frisbee!

hihi...today is Tue...so shiok, after resting for two whole days...
=0)
today was great....had a go at Ultimate Frisbee....work out is good. Initially had a slight discomfort in body, was not well, BUT after workout, i feel energised!!!!!!!

sob sob....leaving my colleagues next FRI....will keep in touch wif them....thinking of having a bbq with them soon....

love you all gals! You are a sporty, exciting and fun bunch!!!!!!!!!

Monday MorNinG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gd morn all...hehe, today Meifen asked for my correct Blog add.!
=p

Btw, it's so cool, i cried so much on Sat and Sun and now finally refreshed...can sense God's love once again, despite me having so much misconception abt Him.

God loves you!

my silly little BloG!

=p
i love talking...think I will go crazy without talking...haha, i like talk to myself for many years and then talk to God...now WANA talk more to PEOPLE!

gosh...I need to rest, rest, rest!!!!!!!! feeling lack of oxygen now...

hope to love my frens more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i think i really begin to sense deep within a need to change, to love my frens, to love everybody as I would love myself...ya man, my frens are v nice people!  like yOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  =0)

today is a weird day

am in office today...(not outstationed)...Ruiling is beside me. Think we are all going crazy.... i saw G just now, she is not well, a sch person wana complain this and then...think she's stressed. I wish to help her but dun wana be so nice...it would be hard to leave.

sob sob

I am so new to this blog thing, dunno why I created my post and wana edit but could not see it posted!

today is a sky blue day

I am fresh today....To come to work is not so bad today! I have work to do. Jumping Garden --class lists to get fr PE HOD. TOday going out wif Anna for a while before meeting Xueshan for dinner--whom I did not see for almost 1year! Jo is sick today...
had a good time last nite, went to makan wif a junior to talk to her and had a good rest when I went home..=p
I am still so new to this blog...hope to get more used to it...
Holiday plans to go China still on hold....

My First Posting for my Gal Frens!!!!!!

Hi all, so happy today, finally set up a BLOG, kekeke, you can view this when you are free, and thus not feel obliged to read my emails if you dun wana.

=0) Welcome gals! from Pri to Sec to JC to Uni to Workplc frenz!!!!!!!! and dearest sisters fr church.