到不了

有些东西，当你开始觉得有力气放开时，要为自己加油。

Que sera sera

还是秋天

今天，你是决定握紧，还是放手。

To be continued...

冷冬天

觉得今天有点不寻常的冷。还是秋天，怎么会这样呢。

是因为心里已经是秋天吗？还是缺了个空，冷风不停的往里面吹？

等冬天真的到时，要我怎么过。。。

P/S:很对不起今天受到我cold shoulder的人们。。。

梅

「自分の気持ちに素直にしたら？」

没了小梅子、我应该完了。

ココロ

実は話すかけてくれると、どの時どんだけココロが折れても癒されるよ。

「いちばんたいせつなことは、目に見えない」

And my friend, I dedicate this to you, the stubborn one.

Jet coasters

I think the talking about the trip was actually one of the best part of it (not that it wasn't good, but anticipation is always good). Pretty much enjoyed watching those videos (for prep) and pricking fun at how I'm gonna end up going on the ride myself.

Was kinda worried that the drive might end up pretty dry but thank god things turned out well, topics didn't run out and we reached pretty fast, no jams!

Started queuing up for the first ride, which took us 1h40mins in the queue, 2 mins on the ride! But I would say good strategy, coz it gave me a good warm up to go ahead for the crazier one!

ええじゃないかtook us forever, I forgot if I was in the queue for over 2h30?! Halfway, i actually forgot what I was queuing up for... But it was all worth it, super awesome ride that releases all that pent up feelings!

Queuing was actually good coz that's when we talked, and ended up showing your true self. People tend to behave how they really are when they are tired I guess. So there we go, exploring the world of the weirdo and (trying to) reason it all out.

All those talks about cold fingers, palm lines and yellow skin make me wanna giggle out loud (but did it all deep inside)! How about stiff necks and shoulders?

The haunted hospital freaked the hell out of me, and I was trying to be funny all the way and even attempted to scare some of the ghosts! Good that we went for this one too, coz it was a really good experience trying to hide behind and tag along someone, while directing the ghosts towards the more delicious guy. Though, I doubt I will go for this one a second time...

There was talk about UK, and how I won't find ほうとうthere. I'm sure that wasn't the point but the mood was just kinda せつない as we talked about it. I didn't wanna breach the matter about Asia but I always wanted to prove the point that it's not just me but mutually, there's ambitions and stuffs that keep people apart.

There wasn't a jam on the way back, I could feel the disappointment in the air as everyone headed back before time. But hey at least the trip was fun and walking back was a nice affair too.

It feels like an end is waiting to jump upon us...

Green

千万记得天涯有人在等待
路程再多遥远不要不回来

And you buddy!! Don't forget whose side your suppose to be on!

ニク

Yesterday (Friday) was a fun affair. I haven't laughed so much for a loooooong while, except those crazy sessions with the girls. glad to have taken the efforts to rearrange my schedule to meet up! It was an interesting experience to know more about how *ahem* weird people work deep down :p

Walked home again, from Shin Maru back home. Glad to have company this time since it was always alone. It was as though we just continued our topics at dinner and continued laughing our way back... My feet felt like they finally got separated from my body after I reached home and sat on the sofa....

It was kinda awkward when we finally reached the final cross road... I don't see how the bridge was narrow but I think I got the meaning of it... Even the continuation of the topics while I was walking back alone left me laughing inside...

Was at my first ever baseball match, Giants vs DENA! Didn't understand abit if baseball before the game so spent the first hour trying to understand the rules and stuffs, and struggling to stay awake... It was pretty interesting towards the end when Giants started to score and I got to see things move beyond first base (and learn more rules)... Would have been even better if they faced a stronger rival!

Was lucky enough to catch some seasonal finale (of a Giants at Tokyo Dome) and this year is their 80th anniversary! So it was kinda educational and touching for me to see how the team and their fans support each other...

Typhoon today so I brought back the company PC yesterday.... Gotta work, and just in case the typhoon prevents me from reaching office, I get to do some stuffs...

耳邊風

これ、最近はまってる。

I own it

We are born with nothing, and leave the world with nothing.

But as far as I am now, there are some things I own the rights to.
Like penning down my thoughts and not having to be told to feel bad about it (unless I really think so).

I can almost feel the audit peak starting, as if it's just crashing down slowly and I imagine hearing a gabarabaraaaaa sound as it does. My last few months went past with me on a couple of non-audit consulting stuffs, which practically will leave me working from the start of the last peak (Oct 2013?) to the end of the next (say May 2015, optimistically)? Gonna be best friends with the station 駅員 and oyajis waiting for last trains... And of cos, burn my pocket with cab rides. There's going to be one less support this year end, and that really make me miss the good old days... Arrrggghhhh...

Been making efforts to go out with the geek... Coz it hurts to see him looking so hopeful even I've prob said the meanest things to him ever... Well and trying to meet up for dinner more often, though my plans get sabotaged most of the time.

Drinking sessions have become a weekly affair, and I find myself spending more time with umeko... Perhaps the impending separation brought us closer... Perhaps the end of her diet plans (for now) was a relief for both of us... Felt like I was walking on stiff chest, restraining myself from asking her out for dinner. After she's gone, I can imagine my life turning duller.... Maybe I should check out with the Yamaha people what's taking them so long to get me playmates...

Last Fri was a whirlwind session. Dinner with the 2 guys, and then one of them just said he had to leave suddenly. Then we finally got to meet up with the homecoming boy, nice to have been able to catch up with him... And I finally got to meet the superstar doggy... The ride home was kinda "unsmooth" and I had prob convincing myself to get into the house door... I'm that weird..

Work tmr, even though it's a holiday... But at least it's going to be a quiet day (or so I hope)... I actually don't like to be put in charge/full responsibility of engagements.... And I'm doing it coz ppl look like they will die if they can't find someone to do it. Will be in the field with 2 boys... One of which is too initiative and I've learnt to better control him before he acts too smart and lead us off track. The other one likes to ask (pretty intelligent) questions, and I like engaging him in conversations which make us think abt better approaches... I wish I have more time to do so, instead of letting the other one lead him in the wrong direction, and me going back to face a messy scene.

Someone asked me to wait. I'm not sure what that means coz I wasn't particularly expecting sth in return. So that felt me feeling dazed for the past 2 days and I can only hope work will make me forget it... Similar things happened at PPR when they assumed they knew what I wanted, which was all wrong. I left the room feeling dark clouds in my head.

This looks like it's going to be yet another crazy week...
And please don't push youself too hard, crazy worm, which I know you will....

Here's a pic I love of Germany from the trip! I promise to be back! ;)

And Turkey? You have my words..

2 more days...

我的生日愿望是要学会享受孤单，不怕寂寞。

当然，也要希望大家健康快乐 :)

Bah-

你凭什么。。。

开口

其实今天很想看看星星的，但怎么都找不到。

才发现今天满天乌云。

Impulse

What is life without impulse?

Have you been living your life all planned out, risk adverse?

Some might say they don't want to live in regret.

Then again, not having acted on impulse might leave you in regret at your deathbed, not having taken those jumps off the cliff when chance presented itself.

Hmm this has been a pretty efficient week, having achieved what we planned to get done. But I'm pretty sleepy most of the time in the day due to going to bed at night... Explains why the extra visits to starbucks..

Last weekend was pretty good too :) went for impromptu drinks, walked home from Ginza (again...) but didn't manage to catch any stars as it was too cloudy. The day after went for cello trial class in ginza and loved it! The deep tone! And then a visit to the planetarium turned out to be a visit to the science museum and toilet exhibition. Take what life presents and enjoy it as it comes.

Oh and Taiwan was good too! Had a lot of good food (perpetually bloated), shopped abit, went for karaoke, lived JiuFen, and enjoyed the live pub a lot! Can't believe we did so much in just 3 days :) and Taiwanese are such warm creatures! Hearts them!!

Oh and having decided to go for cello class, gonna be checking out another class this Sun coz it's nearer to where we usually hang out during the weekends. And dinner and drinks with A! Oh my buddy, what would life be without him!

Kinda looking forward to next week too, with the dinner dates in place! There's just one I'm.... Not very sure about..... Then about work, not exactly fun stuffs coming up but やることはやるしかない。。。

And then in another week plus, I will be a year older (not necessarily wiser...)! Time passes! It's yet another year!!

Watching stars! Will be looking out for venues in the city where we can look up the skies and wave hi to them....

Finally, grandma's health is taking a turn for the better! We have a chat room with live updates on who's at the hospital, her status, readings etc... Glad to see the family getting together to support grandma in recovering, despite their numerous whatever....

Coz it's going to get better :)

Rationale

We have so many people trying to be rationale in this world, it takes the fun out of their lives. And as if it's not enough, they want to take it away from you too! U won't get your way with me coz I will stay random for as long as I want to.


Was looking at some photos from the last year (coz ehem my mom just reminded me to take my mee sua with eggs today) and realized I've had a fun year, though at some point in time it was so tough I wondered why I put myself through it. Being obstinate and blur helps a lot at times. I also realized, to my utter surprise (and those around me) that I'm really much more active and joyous during Oct - May - read: when temperatures do not hit over 30deg. My fave time of the year is actually Christmas and the period after where you can snuggle in bed or winter clothes! Now who's calling me weird.

Which leads me to my point - I suffer in summer, what they call 夏バテ. Especially Tokyo's? People always think that since I came from Sunny Island = Love summer, heat, sun. No, not all Singaporeans are fond of the heat, and I would say most of us don't do a good job of handling it yet. Back to this, I found myself having a hard time, ever since coming back from my Europe trip. There are days I found myself not being able to work as well as before and all I could think of is to head down for another cup of ice coffee (but of course, there's always other 769 things leaping around in my mind)... I feel bad for the new project (non-audit) coz the SM actually wanted me in coz he felt I did well in his last project... And I just feel like I'm letting these people down every single day, as much as I've tried. Thought of asking to work later in the day but it would seem absurd to this gang of people who pride themselves at starting work at 9.15am even though official starting time is 9.30am. Just for info, my team's unofficial starting time is 10am... Anyway, gotta think of how to do better towards the end of this project....

Not helping that the audit peak is coming.... again.......

On to happier stuffs.

I finally signed up for the cello class! First for the trial lesson since I'm kinda fussy about chemistry with the teacher... I know there are some kinds of music freaks teachers whom I should avoid (just very personal) so better to be on the safe side...wanted to go for the studio at Yurakucho but they didn't have lessons except for weekday evenings (imagine going for music class with my dead soul, and that is to assume I made it to class, in time for anything). So signed up for the one at Ginza, abit of walk from the train station (see above mentioned on my weakness for summer heat).... Let's just see how things go from here! I really want to work on this since it's one of the items on my bucket list (and I don't wanna go into details). Pity the cello that has been sitting around collecting dust so let's do some good with it while I imagine Jay Chou in action ;p

Flying off to Taipei for a really short trip, and I get a feeling it's going to be about food food food... Ewww.... I mean I love pigging out, but not when you will be motivated by food the whole 2 days. Hope I don't call it quits halfway bleargh, and get to visit 九分 and 淡水 at the very least..

Life has been so-so... I no longer enjoy going out with the Geek and I know this has got to be the earnest things to say..... I do make an effort to spend time with him but most of the while I rather work away or hang out with friends.... On the other hand, I do not have much idea what's going on at the other end, but I prefer to think of it as nothing so that I can simply set a fire to nothingness and flee. The trip has also gave me lotsa time to stop and think about my life.... Let's just say what you want may not always be what you do... Sometimes we give up being idealists and stay put onto the ground and live a plain contented life (see reference to the rationale ppl above).

Grandma hasn't been in the best state these days, which has got the whole family worrying.... There are times when I feel compelled to grab the first ticket out of town.... But I don't wanna do that just anyhow coz it means I'm giving up on the lady.....

Planning to cycle to Tsukiji for brekkie, while the sun isn't out and the day isn't hot yet. That's why I'm staying up coz I reckoned it's less painful than having me wake up this early. We need more random people in this world, seriously.

To end this off, the sunset from yesterday night, which left me lusting after the pink and blue clouds....

RANT

So this is a post to RANT coz I deem it my right (and it's yours to skip this post).

Fri was a tiring event. Despite having being done with my work by early Thu, I was given 2 bombs to deal with, last min.... And didn't help this person was bugging me the entire day for me to join her for coffee with this guy. What's wrong with these people who don't understand "No" for an answer? You want me to join you guys for coffee during office hours and even if I said no, i have stuffs to rush for and it doesn't look nice for me to go MIA while working for bother team. And I could still get asked why?

Let's not even talk about these 2, mini disasters who turn into walking danger together. I knew this guy was going to be sticky and tried asking people to join for dinner. Didn't work so I insisted on having dinner at Ginza (home ground and I could easily hop onto a cab even if I missed the train). So first he kept bombing me with msgs on nice his hotel sky lounge is soooooo beautiful facing the sky tree (which I've already been sick of while seeing it everyday on another project). Then started sending pix of it, and I kinda got a clue of what he was thinking. On the day we were supposed to meet, I said let's meet at Ginza at this time, and he was like nope, let's go Asakusa (where he's putting up). Took me a few msgs and threatening not to turn up before we got this settled. Thank god the girls reminded me to remind him to bring the phone (which I asked my bro to pass to him) so that he couldn't play any tricks.

We had dinner, then drinks. And he was going on abt how I've let him down as he made reservation for dinner, and then drinks from 12midnight at the hotel lounge. Didn't help at all when he suggested a few times that we should head to the lounge after this place (even though I said numerous times I have plans the next day). He started to accelerate his pace, obviously trying to get me less sober so that he could persuade me. Before we got out of the place, he asked for another glass, just to be sure.

We were then in Ginza, and he trying to get me onto the train/cab/whatever that works to go to Asakusa with him. Even resorted to pulling me at a point in time! You crossed the line big time! So I said I was going home, and our dearest friend could still go on about what a spoilsport I am.

It was only until I sent him to his station (thank god we are on diff lines!) that he finally get it, and started behaving like an adult.

Arrrgggghhhhh and this left me with a disgusted feeling abt him! What's worse, I didn't get any mags or calls from people who were supposedly worried (I know I deserve it for bringing all this trouble to myself but don't even try to act like you care if you don't coz it stinks). I had a lovely colleague who msged to ask if I reach home safely...

Went home and healed myself with 2 generous episodes of Ally (TWO!). What I'm at these days seem to be acting out a part of my life.... But I so don't wanna end up like her then!

Done with ranting.

Feeling the inertia at work, the good one, and getting work done faster, better. Though there was a point last Mon when I felt like giving up.... I might just do so one day, admitting this is so not worth it....

Well, at least hanging out on tue and Thur was great and I wished we had more time instead of having to rush thru dinner... And I must say the weather is driving me crazy every minute and second.....

Purple lady

Wise words from the purple lady (from Ally)

"I've always found the funny thing about love, is that it's the one game you lose, by refusingto play."

So we crossed the line.

Now what? Sit and wait!

And you believed...

Pride so high that nobody can even reach, even if they tried to.

And what good would it do?

Oh, Wien!

Not the best but definitely the most memorable

And the fact is, I might have lost a biggest part of myself in Vienna. U gain some, u lose some, and it's up to each to make the best of what you have left at the end of the day.

I guess it was good to have someone very intellectually challenging around you, but at the same time laughs at silly jokes and enjoys life as it is. Of course it was surprising when someone could guess what my fave drama is, coz it's so retro and eccentric that very few would even know about it!

Vienna was supposed to be the least exciting city of the trip (that's why I scheduled it in the middle). It turned out to be the most memorable one, in a cruel way...

And then, everything else doesn't seen to be that important..

On another note, guys I meet nowadays always ask if I like and want kids. What is that even important, and what business is it of yours?!

Crossing the line

It felt like the moment is here, to decide to cross or not cross the line.

And what do u say?

Maybe it's not that important after all.

Updates!

ok i finally sorted out some of the mess with the banks, never good with them so....

last few weeks just came and went.
first week was when i just mourned my days away and was in a daze except those times when i decided i would work myself to death.
and then during the next week, i just felt like a whirlwind came (literally, from the States) and i got pushed/pulled/throttled along in a zombified way. Was a very tiring week but glad that we finally got to clear some stuffs which were in the way!

Moving along, there's the 2nd phase of the project to look forward to (or rather, we are just looking forward to the end of it)... and also another project which I was told I earned (oh well..................... bleargh). Before all of these, I will get to go on my well deserved trip, which I have hardly got to planning except for getting the ONE air ticket! RIGHT!

OH and Jason Mraz on Tues! All thanks to zhen who watched out for me! Wheeee lub lub lub u!


On the other side of THINGS, last 2 weeks were good.... or maybe i should say, even better than before? Or worse? depends on how you look at it... but let's just not be too far sighted and enjoy life as it comes!

You only live once

不喜欢上星期为止的自己。

今天开始要开心的过每一天，coz u only live once.

Wanting to be alone

想找个陌生人谈天。

My baby

Today, I realized that I actually made so much difference to another (small) being, by just leaving years back. When she looked at me, I knew I let her down during then even though she never said anything to me.

你給我聽好

あと2週間。

It occurred to me that I'm actually worried about not having someone who understands and appreciates my randomness.
Or maybe I should not be worried at all because there's probably no such "someone".

Randomly Ally

The day my tears fell for Ally, again.
It always happens, between us.
Just that this episode and this song all happened at the perfect wrong time.

And I should remember to get a red checkered shirt, blue suit.
And a new job.

I had 4 nomikais this week, and surprisingly, managed to manage work.
Cycled from the apartment to Ginza, shopped around, then went around the Imperial Palace.
Back to Yurakucho for some shopping, including a farewell (cum all the best) gift for someone... Need to get a nice farewell card I could agree with.

Drinking with A the last week didnt leave me feeling better, but confused all over again...

Weaknesses

今天，她在我面前哭了。

我真的吓了一跳。不只是平时看起来非常坚强的她，哭了。而且，我一直觉得把我当成竞争者的她，尽然在我面前放下防备，哭了。

那天，我先问了你有空吗，你说没问题。我就接着不断得说着你送的封电邮，我没法同意, 需要讨论。

我们谈了两小时，你叫我等，说你快死了。平时那么开朗的你，说出这种话，让我非常的担心。过不久你又开始聊，我问刚刚怎么了，你就说死而复活，但很快又会再死多一次。隔天，听说了你们那里出了些事。真惨。

天啊，看起来越乐观的人，一不开心，真会让人感到不安。

今天聊到大阪弁，我用了句连你都没听过的词，真失败。我那天对你提了乘还是母亲节，打个电话回家给你妈，你向我会报那天聊了过后就马上打了。真是个听话的好孩子！还说了你哥的宝宝，终于取了个（很短）的名字。

天啊。我真不喜欢倒数你开始不在的日子。

Ohhhh

怎么，有点想吐的感觉。

（no, 不是你们想的那样）

OMG........

头痛

Some people don't understand that by being too kind to one person, they might be being unkind to another (or others).

Moving on, I think... I shall launch a "Challenge yourself" campaign... Not so much of having an aim but just to see how far you can go. 

You can do it!

回想

那天你问起，喜欢小孩吗？
我说，只要不是自己的就觉得可爱，会喜欢。
但自己的话，就要考虑很久，因为不喜欢被人家粘着。
我问回你呢，你的答案很暧昧，但还是逼出了个“好き!"。

你说了你相信“可愛い子には旅させよう”，我怎么都觉得你在瞎说。
因为怎么样你就是那种注定被可爱的生物欺负的人。

说到你的家人，你蛮关心他们的。
我也想看看你会在朋友的婚礼上跳的那只舞。
觉得你作为朋友，很尽心的。

这几天，真有点对不起。
可能我的语气有点故意冷淡点。
或者我们的立场让我觉得我们应该保持点距离。
除了工作就不敢把话题撤得太远。

今天的会议，当我们的视线在空中交叉时，我怎么觉得心少跳了一两下下。

我，有点不行了。

Because the sun will set

Everything always starts with nothing.

At first it was the correspondences and working together that no one would think anything of.

Followed by jokes people make that we don't even bat an eyelid about.

It wasn't long before I found myself relying on you like a trusty buddy, and if someone else delivered the work, I won't be satisfied, no matter what.

Ended up, we were directly dealing with things that I suppose both of us were supposed to let go - gotta give myself credits for trying to deal with the rest!

One fine day, you broke the news - in officially. it wasn't pleasant but I promised to make it a happy occasion, because we have to be supportive of each other.

And I started counting down......

Somehow, the counting down was accompanied by an accidental lunch out together, and another one which probably stretched till tea...

It was probably coincidental but chat messages weren't just about work and topics started to range from your next job, us working during holidays, helping to check out the stuffs for the upcoming work, Japanese (language), our friends, families and life. It was then I got to understand you more, besides the usual friendliness self, there's another side that don't usually present itself.

It was funny when you tried to pass lame messages through your team mates, I totally had to dismiss it coz I couldnt remember the name of the Japanese anime I used to go after, no way to continue with the topic. That time when you tried to correct the response to my email addressed to the entire team for the N-th time, I actually had a good time laughing at the cosmetic amendments you made... And I still remember the time when someone went behind my back and asked for a longer deadline for my team coz he saw my manager pressing me (which was a mistake), but your team member let the cat out of the bag later. Of course, I will remember how you never fail my insane requests and trying to make our lives easier, no matter what time of the day it is!

I'm glad we met, coz it was really good to talk outside of the work environment (though it kinda ended up being work-related halfway). Some of the topics really made my heart skip a bit or two, i was taken by surprise though I'm glad to make a truthful response.

P/S: I'm sorry for chickening out and running away halfway, leaving you wondering if I fell into the ocean. I'm glad you came for me though the crazy traffic lights nearly drove me mad.

Thanks for all of it =) and for the sincerity.

You talk about the next pancakes but I don't think that's gonna happen...

Now and now

Enjoy while it lasts, no matter what and when, coz you never know when it will end.

Everyday

Each passing day brings me closer to the day you won't be around.... I can't bring myself to be happy abt it, as much as might have wished for it...

Don't come so soon yet, separation...

Bad

わがままだな。

自分が。

Monday blues

I actually don't feel like turning up for work tomorrow.

That's why I stayed up trying to read sth, not getting past a page even.

Maybe I just don't want today to end, tomorrow and the week to start.

Because this means a day closer to departure.

I've been running away from things I don't like, and when it comes to departure, I feel like such a weakling.

人与梦想

某日，某人的名言

Everyone has each dream/goal, so please 応援してあげてください

之前也有个人对我说了好多关于他梦想的事。
有梦想是好的。

小时候也有过梦想。
但现在最想要的是可以自由自在。

没有目标的梦想，算梦想吗？

对于你 - 
这一路上谢谢你了！
无论在世界的哪个角落，请加油！
And don't forget to look up at the sky above you at times. =)

为你流的泪

都是值得的。

因为是充满着感谢的泪。

Today

I received a call which I didn't know to laugh or cry about. I chose to laugh about it.

I received a mail after working hours which I didn't know I laugh I cry about. And I chose to cry and laugh at it.

Life can be such a nag at times. Do we want to be restrained by these strings, sometimes you think...

你在做什么？

有像我一样吗？

Tonight marks the day when I felt foreign and freaked out right in my home country (besides that one time back in Little India...)....

Oh.no.