玩牌

怎么就这样，把我牌都翻开了，多没意思啊！

ギリギリ

One sure sign when I'm not doing well, is taking the wrong train (totally wrong/opp direction), getting off at the wrong stop etc. moving around isnt effortless for me, I still have to hesitate abit before choosing my route and when I'm not feeling good, I end up at places I never meant to be at.

Oh and I keep dropping things as well. Used to be my 101 earrings and nowadays, I've moved to gloves (~_~;) and as if this wasn't painful enough, it's this new pair of gloves that I'm so in love with... It would have been better if I lost a pair, but apparently, there must be one left to remind me of the loss.

Thinking about small issues distract you from major ones, I've said that before,haven't i?

Bygones

I'm done with today, let's see how things go tomorrow.

The world moves on yeah.... Let the NY come soon!

Keeping sane

Oh my eyes! Save them! =|

Been through quite a few episodes this week, that made me wanna get more masking tapes to keep myself from thinking about negative things. Oh and I forgot my coat. And the pair of shoes I quietly purchased online ytd.....

Oh retail therapy, how glad I am to have you around!

A call away

Maybe it's those earthquakes that make you wanna call home. Then again, you hesitate to call home coz of earthquakes coz it'll only make things worrying.

K finally finished his papers, and was in a surprisingly good mood on Mon. So good that I felt kinda annoyed that hes just beaming! Ok I know I'm psychotic but this peak season has been driving me nuts more than ever! It will make me feel better if only he could mourn abit w me abt my problems at the job, which he later realized and did.

A colleague J fr HK came over for a global prog, and he started me and M after getting our contacts fr this other guy fr SH.. Met up w him in the office on Mon after 101 hurdles o_O he's cute, not fantastically dashing but its those eyes that sparkled as he spoke, and his confidence that got me thinking damn for getting married already. Just for the record, i did bring it up that im married. Had a small chat and found out he needed some help w finding a place to stay in the mid term. Pointed the direction to M, and msgd M the moment I got back that she shd meet up w him. Which she did the next day, but told me some system error happened haha...

Was back in office in the evening w K, I really enjoy the small talks in the cab or on our way to the stn, and the negative PIG will unzip her way out and start saying "imagine what will happen when he's off this job, and to make thgs worse, it ll be just u and that guy u can never agree with!" *major morale dive*

Managed to catch up w J that same day, and I would say he's quite nice to have waited for me to finish up my work. Until he started to say he was worried when i didnt show up in the office on time (?!) We ended up at some Thai restaurant, and I think that sets the mood right. Chaotic.

I've never met someone like this before. Never. He's smart and good w words. But but the thing that got me very perturbed was that 1) he digresses off to unrelated topics far too fast too often, my head was in a mess after a short while 2) he bombarded me with things that I've never been told nor wld I think shd be said to a married woman, assuming I don't look indecent.

His questions and words left me thinking a lot. Not because of his advances but I was lost in thoughts thinking abt his questions and my own life. Are you happy in life, in your marriage? What do you think one should look for in a partner? What do you think abt extramarital affairs? Do you love ur hubby? Would you wanna have kids?

It all led to his other questions like Are you happy with me? What do you think of me? I will be going on a biz trip nx week, do you wanna join me? *among other things prob not fit for this space*

Things and questions that you don't normally tell/ask someone during your second meeting. His straightness and insanity did startle me abit but I didn't mind it. In fact, it really got me thinking, and worrying later. It's not him, him. It's just the recent me that I'm worried about. I think I'm an unsettled soul with no redemption :(

All these alphabets are driving u crazy. I'm not spared either so live with it :)

-

Sometimes you just want to put full concentration on the minor things in life, so that you dont have to look at the major ones.

Like problems.

Leaving

Not me.

Wondering why the nicer ones are always leaving.

The team from the other firm is happily counting down to the end of their engagement with the client, while we are counting up to no ends. It's quite amazing that we all come together coz of this job, went through pains and learnt together. It was especially true for me since I started this proj just slightly before them and was quite new when everythg started to happen in front of our eyes.

We had a good lunch together that day, 2 of us with the guys from the other firm.
I like how their managers, senior managers and partners mix ard with the team and cultivate a good team spirit, though these people are made up of staff from different teams and service lines. Looking at us, we are all from the same team but are very often left to fend for ourselves. Perhaps the grass is always greener on the other side huh.

It hit me that I'll feel lonelier than ever without these people, if it's even possible. Not to mention, there's a crazy smart aleck who makes sure life is anythg but easy for me.

But hey, I will work on managing u the same way I did to the previous bian tai boss I had. Watch out!

Just hanging on

Over here, I would consider it a lucky day if i were to have someone hold the door for me. Otherwise, I'm usually the one holding the doors. And I'm talking about the client's site here, while things get slightly better in the office.

Forgot how things were back home. Oh that means I should be back soon to pick up pieces of myself before they all get blown away by wind.

Been thinking a lot these days abt losing myself in this busy place. This place which doesn't really encourage the growth of NSPism. When the partner asked me to continue challenging my superiors, what I heard was to not lose myself. Or maybe that was a reminder to myself, coz I see it happening already.

Was pretty burnt out fr work last week, and the stress fr working w that manager didnt help at all. Came to a stage when I found myself trying to avoid him and having work related nightmares. I was just hanging on for Friday evening to come so I could work on recovering my insanity...

Friday afternoon, my partner saw me and asked if everything's fine.... I was so touched when he told me to drop by the office more often... Sat evening i had dinner w my hairstylist and she said i looked extremely down... Never realized it was so apparent, but if that's the case, why can't the manager see it? Maybe he's really numb or what...

2012/11/13 12:50

TBC

Just wondering..

Sometimes I feel like im pushing my limit so that they can take me off this thing.

No, I was just kidding. I love u all unhappy people.

小强传

因为我是小强，我不只会撑下去，还会越做越旺的！

Note to self

I actually hate the fact that i get affected so easily, by your words, actions and even your mere presence.

I actually hate the fact that i enjoy being with u. The words you spring upon me make my heart skip a beat at times.

My mood goes on a rollercoaster ride as the time we spend together increases. I was told to enjoy while it lasts, keeping things under control. But i feel my guilt killing myself over time.

If only life just consist of Yes/No, 1s and 0s, black and white. Then again, one of the beauty of life lies in ambiguity and uncertainty, isnt it?

Jelly Feet

It's always good to take things with a pinch of salt. Be it what someone has said or done to you. It might have been a passing remark to him/her and there's no point getting your brain all tangled up.

Been pretty frustrated with work these days. Not so much of the technicalities, but more of not being convinced of the way we do things (=waste energy=time=budget) just because the client says so. I'm still not service oriented enough and flared up abit, very unprofessional. Doesn't seem like I'll ever change to be nice to bad customers though. When the day comes, I think I am prepared to be a Mom, putting up with tantrums, other than my own.

Hmm kinda looking forward to tomorrow! =)

U win

These days, i dont know why but the seats right in front seem to be always hijacked by someone who dashes in from the side! It werent even some old person but some fully abled adult! I cant say a thing about it, save that i wasnt desperate enough. But deep down, i was imagining wild thoughts. Oh wait, maybe they have some disabilities that i cant tell fr bare eyes, like dropping dead if they cant use their smartphones sitting down. Or maybe they consider ugliness a disability. *rawwwwrrrrsss*

Yes, yes... i can be perverse in little ways like this. :)

final words for today

we are i am blogging too much. but i need to put my words of wisdom thoughts down before they vanish.into.thin.air.

i tend to push people away when they offer something. it might be something i want, might be something i dont. but the bottomline is, i dont want to get used to relying on them because they will eventually be gone one day. or at least i fear so.

I'm sorry

what i said to him suddenly flashed back, and i realized how it might have hurt. what he said to me later, that my words can really hurt at times, hurt me back right now.

didnt catch it that point in time, too late now.

我们都寂寞

只觉得很不开心，就只想爆哭一场。有人说觉的我很勇敢(对于做了的决定)，又觉得我很坚强(坚持走下去)。我只能说，当一个人没想得那么远，又很固执，就会搞成这样。

你没有过这些冲动吗?

Blah

arrgghh stupid manager just popped by and asked me to check if there's any empty meeting room. who does he think he is?!?! some old fashioned MCP huh? even my colleague who overheard wondered why so.

Try it again and you'll get it.

work &.

A thought from today.
Given a spreadsheet with hundreds and even thousands of cells to work on, you can't expect someone to do the job well unless he understands the meaning to each of these fields and the overall picture of what is to be done.

Note to self.


It can be quite fulfilling (and therapeutic to some extent) to bury yourself in work and only want to get things done. Your mind wanders off less often and you feel happy with yourself at the end of the day. Keep it up!

Safe & Sound

Don't you dare look out your window darling, Everything's on fire.

三個人

As i was walking to the station in my day dreaming mode, I questioned myself about the 3 people in my life who treat me the best (or so i think). Without any doubt, it's gotta be my mom and the geek. Was a tough fight between my sis and dad, but i guess my sis wins by a little.

I then started to think abt the 3 most important people in my life. This time round, i think my mom, the geek and dad would be the ones.

Of course, this is not going to be the same, as we move on in life, we place importance on different people ad things, same with how others view us.

不哭

选择不哭，因为决定对自己好，做个快乐的人。

Salarymen mornings

To see the ugly side of a country that is known for its people's courtesy, i seriously recommend taking the peak hour trains or Friday night's last trains home...

Of course, things will turn out worse some other countries, given the same situation.

Black Tuesday

Just declared today black tue... everythg just dont seem to go the right way.

Spent my last two hours in the room, trying to work on my backlog with the two managers chitchating and gossiping abt everythg under the sun. As if it wasnt bad enough, they started to look ard for snacks and started munching the wasabi beans ive searched high and low for! One of them even has the cheek to tabao. Im fine w offering all my goodies to ppl i like, but not two bummers who havent been useful at all but instead mkig so much noise i couldnt conc!!

Went thru a couple of mtgs today, but was so tired i had no idea what they were talking abt, not to mention what i was writing abt! Made a few mistakes, but im resolved to redeen myself.

Msg this colleague i love alot, and told her i had nth in particular but just wanted to msg her... she felt how sian i was? Asked if we shd head for dinner and drinks... i have no reasons to reject her haha

Im so wearing out, in every sense. Sth happened that made me turn into a vinegar pot, but im hoping it doesnt show or isnt obvious.

Im both hoping fri will come soon, while hoping the week doesnt end so fast so that i have some room to breathe. Im so full of irony these days... arent we supposed to be more matured and steady as we age (e.g. hit the big 3)?

Im running ou of positivity and wish someone could inject some into me. Why isnt it sth we can just get at the conv store? :(

Pat on my back

Gotta say ive been a good girl whole of last and basically this week (though it's only mon haha!). Was cooped up with him the whole while, and remained very (overly?) nonchalent to everythg extra he said to me. Even when he tried to just chat, my answers were pretty cold and short. So far so good, though i pity him sometimes. Who wont be bored ard someone like that?

Just heard fr a colleague that we ll be getting another sum of bonus again. Thought we just got it? But who would ever complain abt having more money, not like im getting alot anyway hee... the surprise income will do good to get me the bag i saw and got fatally addicted to last weekend! Wheee!!

Tough week ahead, but im sure we will make it! I think im responsible for keeping him going, or else thats it for me too! After that, there's the weekend home party at A's to look forward to! The horrors of hitting the big 3!!

ouch

just got backstabbed, by one of the OLs. The kind that looks sweet and pretty, and probably thinks she's the best among the herd (looking by the way she does her makeup and poses in front of the toilet mirror).

Bleargh.

搞不通

刚刚听歌，歌词有这样一句。
"已经很坚强，还是难过"

以我黄大诗人的道理来说，越坚强只会更难过。

月曜ブルー

Serious monday blues... it's my first official day back at work, not considering those days i worked during company off period. Thinking about everythg thats heading here is filling me up with... abit of everythg. It's the go-ahead-come-hit-me-hard plus the wait-a-min-i-dont-wanna-die feelings at work. This also mean the start of the perpetual peak period, till next June? Anyway, i know i will pull thru, as we always do yeah?

A and L came by our house after the drinking session on sat, and tried to bring down the whole place :) was really fun w the two and i was glad to be able to hear them out. I should really keep a better lookout for people who matter, which i think ive been slacking at...

*yawnz* let me persevere, what come may.

Cheer Up

Was chatting with a friend, and I think I should at least attempt to think, write and plan happy things =) It's a hol tmr, and I have all sorts of fun stuffs packed, like getting my new resident card (finally!), picking up my contact lens stock (way overdue!), dropping by office to pick up my PC (yeah, yeah), meeting A to drink some brotherly beer (*BURP* already) while doing some work, and then having L join us for dinner.

It's so gonna be a lovely day, if I keep to my schedule and do all that have to be done!

Heart beat

My heart skipped a beat when i saw the notification popped up.

My heart skipped another couple of beats when i heard what u told the mgr abt me.

I might need to work hard enough to get a heart pacer soon, at the rate.

Wordless

Some memories, we do not put down into words, because it makes forgetting them easier.

Man, i realize i become lyrical everytime i come back to JP...

Replaceable not?

I learnt from my previous job that leaders should always work on growing people under them so that they can be replaceable. Some make the mistake of holding on to power singlehandedly, and ruining the entire system.

Having said that, it's yet another problem when you find yourself replaced even before you learned the rope! *ROFL*

Stars

I remember the time when i was touring around aussie, and we ended up at this ulu place (where we slept in log cabins and people ate kangaroo meat), there was no lights around us once we were outside, and we could hear not a sound. We looked up the sky and found ourselves looking at the brightest and most numerous stars our eyes have ever seen...

Tonight, on my way back, i actually felt the same (with a lil more lights) while listening to the crashing of sea waves against the shore. I didnt wanna go anywhere else...

When will be the next time i get to do this again? Hopefully hokkaido wont be the nearest place to do so...... =(

If you trust me, ive been working hard on it. Pretty worried everytime i think abt heading back too....

Body without a mind

Im here in Santorini, but my mind somewhere else.

Half hoping to be back but half of me not wanting to. Very me, you would say.

This should be a good cool down period, and also for me to think abt things.

就如满天星的夜空，紫色的夕阳，有些事情比较适合从远方欣赏，当作记忆收藏。硬想把它握在手中，就有如拍出来的相片，可能没有亲眼看到的那么灿烂。

再一次对自己洗恼，希望这次能坚持到底。

Languages

<p>Blogging fr Abu Dhabi, just coz we have too much time in our hands, and i slept more than half the flight away.</p>
<p>Had a team dinner to welcome the newbies and send off a guy, who is happily leaving to join another coy... as anyone would expect when ur abt to take a vacation, all my work suddenly piled up.</p>
<p>Had to give a training to the newbies in the afternoon, when my morning was largelt taken up by pretty inefficient mtgs already. All that i had planned to do, i didnt manage to. Made myself copy this stack of papers, which he offered to do in case i didnt have the time to. im VERY bothered when he offers to do thgs for me, my pride wont let me agree, especially i was supposed to lessen his workload, not the other way round. This is why, despite having run out of time, i spent 30mins on it, just out of stubbornless...</p>
<p>Was working on another doc, and msged him to ask a few qns... and he tried replying in some cool americanized english.. it tickles me when he does so, in response to my formal japanese usually :p im just wondering now why he only does it in written communication, our spoken is always in Japanese...

He was actually attending this mtg which i was supposed to&#160;and really wanted to join, mainly coz that is my area of responsibility and this partner we are working with speaks really good english and is damn experienced... but another mgr wanted me in office to help with the training so i had to reject the mtg invitation... still trying to find my way around this super flexible system, where nobody, except urself, really have ownership on how u use ur time as long u get the work done. The biggest prob is when u have people pulling you in to work on diff projs, just coz they have booked certain hours of your time (which is usually not enough), but frankly speaking, it's not really as efficient as you think so everyone works longer hours than they are "supposed to" (=booked hours). So much for digressing away...

So while i was rushing for time to finish up my work, this newbie came to me and told me that his engrish is really cmi so he couldnt catch what i was saying in the training, and didnt help that i drafted my materials in english as well. Poor guy, i was tempted to tell him go check up those english and come back to me if he has questions... but that would be evil, coz i ll be on vacation for over a week =( ended up explaining to him the entire thg in Japanese, which got me thinking that i shd have done it in Japanese in the first place... arrgghhh!

By the time we were done, it was almost time to go for the dinner... super frustrated w myself, have totally no idea where my 7h a day went! Just remb it being a mad rush. "
"Mind, think think think!" echoing after my mentor, hoping it ll make my mind work as good as his, if not half =p everyone started to pack up and move, and i gave up! Decided to finish up my work and go later... he came by and asked if everythg's ok, he could take over and finish up, 無理しないで。that was the last straw, i took in a breathe and told him im fine, and will finish what im supposed to, with a "dont-bother-me" smile. Think he got it and left w the rest. Felt kinda bad, people was asking out of goodwill, but i have had enough of him always offering to do my work, as if i cant do it myself.. i wont get to learn a thg if i never finish up any work myself!

*piah work*

Dinner was quite fun, as usual. The new girl fr china also made my nomikai better, shes quite nice to hang out with haha... and she loves tking pix so thanks to her, theres now a few pix of me and him

Went back to office after that, feeling kinda tipsy... finished up some work and went back on the last train. Very soon, i will qualify as a real Japanese salaryman =/

今日のことわざ

団栗の背比べ

【読み】
どんぐりのせいくらべ
【意味】
どんぐりの背比べとは、どれもこれも似たり寄ったりで、抜きん出た者がいないことのたとえ。 



You said you wont know what to do if I werent around. All I could bring myself to say was you will be fine, as you were before i came along.

Im such a good philosopher, at times i think i shd try writing a book to confuse people big time. =P

Too many

Was back at the other team to tie up some loose ends. The manager started  (ahem again) to ask if i had any time to spare, if i had been going back pretty early lately. Knowing he must be eyeing to pull me in again, i told him that not that free, we ve been going back at 9ish... he then did an, oh ok response and said that hes been working past midn lately... back of my mind, was thinking to myslf, of cos, since ur so slow and ur tabacco brks are way too frequent too long. Helps if u could chitchat less too! He said then he called K up to ask if he could lend some of my time to the other team, and didnt get any answer... pimping at work huh!

K then called me up and said what the manager told him.. and asked if what im going back for gotta do w it... told him no, they arr asking me to work on sth new... the manager caught our conv, and asked me to put the phone on speaker mode. He then asked K again, and to my very pleasant surprise, he told him no, it's going to be very diff... not giving up, the manager gave a whole lot of reasons to try convince him, which ended up futile.

What i wanna say is, well done! You have not only done what you promised, but also speaking up for what u think shd be done. Anyways, i ended up feeling bad for the other team lead and told him i can try to help out tmr evening, after the team dinner, before i leave for hol... call me crazy, yes... i seriously think im a workaholic...

Lessons

Backlog from the past few days
- 50歩100歩
- 達筆
- 浦島太郎

Real vs past?

Had a dream early this morning, consisting of people fr the past, playing out the parts from the current day.

It was kinda freaky, but the scariest thg was how real those feelings were, even after waking up fr it.

Tell me im not sick in the head please.

When you told me abt ur decision ytd, i was half wishing it happened to me as well, the other half, of course the opposite. Ur stronger than what u actually think.

Friday
Friday was such a busy day, I couldn't remember much save for the fact that I was drowning in drafting the report for the work I helped out at the other team. Went for a nominication with the ladies, who invited a "cute guy" from Shanghai office, but arrived the last, at like 10pm? Ended up joining them when they were moving on to the 2nd one. So our shanghai cute guy, is actually quite a good looker. But then again, me being me, I was more happy that I have someone to speak in Mandarin with, along with the new Chinese girl in the team, double happiness! Saw alot of drunkards on my way back, lying on the road as if they planned to stay the night there. Note to self, never to end up like them.

Sat
Was extremely tired on Sat, and it didnt help that the weather was freaking hot. When I reached Ebisu station for the transit to Meguro, felt kinda blur while climbing up the stairs and fell. Best =) While trying to get up, i fell again. Lagi better. Nearly dozed off while talking to the sensei... Zzzz... Went back to the office to finish up the work, but ended up not doing much coz my mind was on auto standby mode and i couldnt get it to work haha... brought the PC back!

Sun
Met up with Weilin and her friend (whom im supposed to know from JC but couldnt remb a single thg abt him!) and roamed abt Harajuku and Shibuya area with them... After Kelvin (that guy) left, we headed to Ebisu for some tea at my fave cafe, and had one of my best ramen for the longest time! Got home at about 11pm, and worked till 3.30am, while fb-ing, watching the Japanese soccer boys and indulging in weird thoughts. Women can really multitask huh, not taking efficiency into consideration.

Mon
Can't remember a single thing except for the fact that i was all over the place.
  

Tue
Was stoned when Tuesday came. Went to office like 30mins late. Of course people didnt really bother... my concern was how to continue working on K's stuffs when im in that ぼや mode. Struggled on till lunch time, when I was supposed to meet J for his farewell. He's finally going back to SG, after a 4 months + 1 year exchange here. Was kinda late so walked pretty briskly along the corridor and when I made a turn, saw K and this other (not-so-young) colleague from another team walking together, like they were meeting up for lunch. Before I knew it, I turned into a vinegar pot, while not knowing how to react. Anyways, I was rushing to meet J so didnt take further look at them and rushed into the next lift that came.

J was fascinating. He could see me and waved while I was still moving up in an elevator. Young people = good eyesight. Brought him to this mexican restaurant, which happens to be one of my fave non-Japanese food place, especially good if you are in need of a more lively ambience. We started talking abt his stay here etc, and when I turned to look, saw K and that lady sitting just at the table beside us. This is how evil can fate be when it wants to torture you. Luckily, I had my back turned away from them, so the only time I had to look over was when my brolly HAD TO drop from where it was and I had to go pick it up. arggghhhh! told J about it and halfway thru, he told me "eh ur colleague was looking over here just now..." anyway, the pair left pretty soon after lunch, while J and I stayed on to chat, and take pix haha..

Got back to office super late, fuming from the weather and also what just happened. At the back of my head, I was thinking for why on earth would he even wanna date a old woman, but also, imagining him thinking the same about me, why would I wanna go for a young boy like J. Decide to not let it affect me that much. Got down to work on the freaking agenda that I had no idea how he wanted me to draft. Contemplated asking him, but pride wont let me do it. And so I tried very hard (and very long) to work it out. Fantastic =) Mailed him the doc when I was done, and walked over to ask him to help review. He said ok, and after a while, I got a mail from him, with comments inserted into the doc. Well done, he would usually just come over and explain if there's anythg to be corrected. Feeling damn pissed, I worked on the documents, replied to his comments (using comments) and saved a version of it, before heading for coffee with my colleague. When I came back, realized that the version I saved was corrupted (darn you, MS!) and started to fire away another copy, and adding super polite Japanese into my commments. I swear that this must be my best Keigo moment in life, I seemed to know exactly what to say for each of his comments, in the most polite way. Sent it back to him, and that was it.

I think he must have sensed I was cranky or what. Came over after awhile, and explained to me the remaining changes. Oh Thank You YOU! I remained cool abt it, and offered to mk the changes but he said he ll do it.. well then...
I was working on the photo album for this colleague and he came over to kajiao me, saying things like "oh man you are so fascinating, with all these decor crafts blah blah...." He then said that we'll have to head to the client's site directly tmr, and we'll be alone... ermm ok? After awhile, he said oh forget it, gotta come back to office to pick up some papers so we meet in office @ 930 and head to the client's together. I think I wasnt fuming anymore, since I was distracted enough from all the masking tape on my desk! before he went back, came over to my desk again for a chat, just like other days. I'm pretty sure I wasnt fuming anymore by then. But I just kept thinking about what happened during lunch, and why issit that we didnt talk about it, like what you'd do if you bump into your colleague during lunch? And i obviously didnt like the fact im so affected!
N dropped me a few whatsapp msgs, which turned into a chat. It was then i realized we were facing the same prob, just that he is more of an animal than me haha...

Wed
As expected, I arrived for work late. He prob reached at 730 or what for an early conf call, so I was half expecting him to look like he's ready to bite off my head anytime. Settled down abit in my seat, and went to ask him what time he plans to head out. He replied right now, he's already packed those papers we need to bring over. Tried lifting the box up but couldnt get it to move at all. Gave up and offered to help him carry his bag instead.

So we took the cab to the site, and chatted as if nothing happened. I seriously think he enjoys saying things out of the blue to me. Not sure of his intentions, but it's probably fun to see my reaction, the lack of it, or what.

We reached the office, and I headed for the washroom coz it was really too warm outside and I could feel myself melting (fr the weather, not him!). When I went back to the room, he wanted to discuss the strategy to take during the meeting with the client later, came over and sat so close to me, I had to shift to my right to keep a distance. I cant breathe or think properly if someone sits so close until I could hear his breath! Didnt help when it's him.

Decided to tabao some bento back and lunch in the room. After getting our stuffs, told him I wannna get some drinks from the supermkt, so he headed back first. Truth is, I think there's really no spacr for breathing if I were to stick with him the entire day.... took my own sweet time to choose my drinks before going back.. We started to chat while eating and suddenly, he said "Shu Ping, so your lunch date yesterday..." and paused there, waiting for me to speak. I nearly choked. So he really thought J was my date, and it took him this long to ask. Was telling him, ermm nope, he's my junior fr sg who is leaving Japan, so it was a farewell. He's so young, how issit possible that I would date him? I went on to mumble "Talk about yourself huh...", he probably heard what I said, and had that shocked look on his face that says "What are you talking about?!", and said "well a lunch is nth but it means alot more if 2 ppl hang out for dinner.." Somehow, it felt as though the ice that had built up btw us over that incident has finally melted, and we started to talk about other things, luckily, and resolve my breathing problem...

Meeting with the client went pretty well, progress was good so we felt quite confident that the manager wouldnt niao us (or rather, him). He suddenly said to me "I'm really happy to have you here today, for boosting my confidence and also made everything go smoothly." I stoned there for awhile and said sth along the gist of "no lah, i was just here to be the fool.....".

He had another 2 meetings after that, and by the end of it, I could tell he was totally stoned and dying haha, but still stayed to finish up work till 9pm... I was doing some work, when suddenly I got an Add Contact request from the communicator at work. Turned out the guy from the Shanghai office added me,... and we started to chat away furiously while I was doing work haha... this guy is pretty entertaining I would say haha, at least he understands all the cold jokes i make in Mandarin! K came over to help me with whatever I was working on, and suddenly he commented "You look quite busy hor..."... I didnt get him during then and said "Well it's because I take twice the amt of time you need to read up a bunk of Japanese text, so I put in twice the effort!", feeling damn tired. Now that I think back about it, I think he must have meant me typing away furiously and smiling at the screen like an idiot when that guy responded to my silly jokes hahaha....

Was packing up and offered to pack some of the papers we brought over and he went "You are so kind...."... ok save me the crap, let's get out of here, i said... and then he said sth totally unexpected to me again.... totally didnt know how to react, and I could only do a polite nod and turn away....

As usual, we headed back together and parted halfway. I think some of the things he says to me, makes me think he's cuter than he is... save me, somebody!

完蛋了！Can stop staring at me in that expression?! I cant hold out anymore!

theme songs

sometimes, it feels as though u're being torn between 2 theme songs. One is the cheery song that everyone loves to hum along with, while the other is the sentimental song about broken hearts that you secretly sing deep down. 有些歌唱的太动人，很可怕。。。

Lunch

I wish people can understand at times that we DO want to have a break from work at times, and stop setting up the so-called "lunch meeting" so often... pretty tiring when there's no break in the entire day of work, u know? =(

Distance

I fell in love with this version instead..

Word tody is 「抜駆け」。

Wrong

Did everything i shouldnt have done. What's new? =|

Mr A said he'll knock some sense out of me... yes please, before I lose myself...

ネギ

So who is the one who remembers I don't take onion, and remind me to get the waiter to not put it in (if they planned to)?

New phrase for today.
「噂をすれば影」

Somethg i had wanted to blog abt before i forget bit bt bit...

Had tea with the guy who employed me Friday before the last. It's the second one to one 'meal' we have had and i enjoy and kinda look forward to it everytime. In fact, the last talk was so enjoyable i cancelled a mtg with THAT block of ice in the last min. just so to continue talking :p

The thing abt this guy, he is already a partner despite his age, a very impressive achievement for ppl in this dept. Everyone agrees hes damn capable and hardworking, and is a good leader who can lead the team to do well. But as we know heaven is fair and one cannot have everythg, he has his flaws too. So this session ended up me picking on his flaws. Yes, i know he's the big boss who's gonna decide on my bonus.

We headed for the starbucks in the office bldg, and when he was abt to pay for the order, i stopped him and asked him to get us a table. He was kinda surprised initially and prob im trying to be funny, but agreed obdiently. When i sat down at the table, i went "now i feel like a mom who has brought her son out for coffee...". Think he got doubly surprised and prob started to think im crazy haha... asked him why, and he said well, he is expected to treat since he is the boss.. i laughed at it and told him, "great, now i feel more superior than you! That money was worth it!".

Hmmm bmmm hmm

Am very tired. Seriously.

Shopaholic

I dont know why, but i kept buying the same stuffs i never/hardly use. Usually i just convinced myself that i'll get used to using them after getting more of them.

Cant help. :p Retail therapy is too addictive!

Social Media

I must admit, i was quite a social media junkie. In fact, i think i still qualify as one.
Even as a junkie, i dont appreciate it (AT ALL) when people tag me to their pictures where there's totally no sight of me anywhere! If i do get where ur getting at (which means you ve gotta be kinda soulmate or we shared the same jokes) then theres not much of a problem. What i dont get totally (and end up getting very pissed off with) is when people tag me to their kid's/wedding/own picture so that they could gather votes in that baby/wedding/beauty contest, to pix of clothes/shoes/accessory thats on sale, etc. You name it, they have it. I have a big problem which im too tired to explain if u dont get it.

Before i get stoned, i DO have my tag approval thgy active so these people will never get past that. Oh wait, it's fb we are talking about! The best way to assume your privacy is to know there isnt any.

Dont wanna wake up to see my profile tagged to the next most remote object in the universe. Thanks hor!

On this (yearly recurring, neverending) project with this lousy manager who doesnt seem to do much except to smoke (literally and not so literally) and crap. So lousy that he's got to have another manager babysitting him in that proj. He asked me to help out at another team coz they have a deadline to meet tmr (fantastic PM skills) so i tot fine then, since we all work together and help each other out frequently. The thg that got me all fuming was when he sent an invitation to block my time till 1pm, when i already have a farewell lunch to attend. People send invitations to mtgs, not to get work one. If you are too gutless to ask me to cancel my lunch appt, then forget it la... bleargh!

Confusion

The last time someone said "nevermind me" that made me think abt it for days, it happened in a real life nightmare. Of late, the same phrase popped up in one of my dream, which is a series of dreams that seem to continue from where it left off the previous time. Oh no, am i turning nuts or what?

Work was supposed to have chilled down quite abit by last week, which it did but not for long enough. I was supposed to be free of schedule this week and made some plans to really do up the house and start some of my craft projs which have been lying ard since forever. But thgs in life never turn out the way you plan, so here i am, having hardly less than 2 days of off peak proj before being thrown into the ultimate nightmare, which will last till next yr at the very least... i know i shdnt be complaining since there's people who have worked on the same proj all yr round for a few yrs already... *kowtow*

There's somethg abt leadership, i need to voice it out today. I think we are all good at saying it, but not many actually do what they preach. You dont earn respect just because you are a leader, but from the way you lead. If you are the kind that turn your back against your own people in the face of ur own boss, then ur not gonna earn any brownie pts, at least not fr me! The best part is how you bitch abt this same superior behind his back, to ur team members, but behave like a puppy in front of him. The others would be wondering what you are capable of doing behind their backs. *ends rattling and takes deep breath*

Alrite so i got myself a sexy bike the last weekend, and the first ride had been pretty smooth and effortless. Just have to make sure i keep it up! Oh and also inform the mansion guy abt the parking space the bike is tking up :)

Christmas

Hoping listening to this will make summer abit more bearable =(

Reflections

There are times when I start being critical of others and give a loud and hard *tsk* at these people behaving/talking in ways that put them down.

There are also times when I feel like I'm guilty of it myself.




Had 2 perf reviews for the projects I've been involved so far, and I'm very happy to have received some constructive comments on why they think I've done well and where I can improve in. I must have been really lucky (accumulated lotsa karma by giving up seats to old people) to get a mentor who observes the way I work, my progress and share his ideas and experiences with me. On the other hand, I don't get it when some evaluators are just full of good/average things to say and dont come into the meeting with ideas for improvement. Might as well just key them into the system and save others the time =P


One year away from home, maybe it's time to think about the past year and how we can move forward! =)

Weak

Thought we said that i will stay determined and not let my mind wander. But all that you call will and determination fell apart the moment our lines of sight met by accident (was trying to look away all night). Ended up having another walk back to the station together. Yes, kill me please.
On another note, it finally seem like thgs at work are looking much better and taking off (well, kinda, abit..) for me. It's not hit and miss and miss and miss all the time but more hits recently.

Got to be on board of that high publicity proj as one of the main members, while enjoying the minor jobs that bring me to different places and to meet many interesting people and things. It gets very tiring whenever i pause to think about it, but this is not something i will give up easily, and im glad that i had taken that step out of my comfort zone a year ago. If i hadnt moved on, i will have no idea whats in line for me.

There's also a few surprises along the way where people whisper to my ears things that lift me off the ground a little... ermm ok, abit more than a little =P ok but feet must always stay on the ground, i remind myself. I shouldnt really be bothered at this stage in my life, seriously.
Tonight, i count my blessings, and i shall go to bed with an exhausted body and a smile on my face.

林宥嘉

Been very much into him lately.

Heels talks

As i was on my way to the train station, a conversation i had with ms C came to my mind for no reason. It started with her putting down Saitama and people, until it got way too off tangent.

Me: i dont know why but my heels wear off very fast, as if faster, when i lived in Japan.
C: oh really? Cant be.. maybe the roads in saitama are just rougher.

I swear i wanted to slap her round and round at that pt in time *imagine ally mcbeal in her wild thoughts*

Yes, i know i can get pretty violent at times. =)

吹风

最近有去逛公园，吹吹风吗？

 =＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝＝

One call and that was it.

Another randomness

Tired.

A few words to share before I head for the bed, before I forget them.

「天邪鬼」、「あまのじゃく」 =) Go find out

*drifts off~*

「路守著追著美夢　踏上屋頂意外跌得好重　
不覺得痛　是覺得空　城市的幻影有千百種」

First impression

Was thinking today abt some stuffs and realized humans behave exactly like animals in the sense when there is a party we are scared of or simply have a natural dislike for, most like he/she will sense it and feel the same towards you. This then leads to a viscious cycle whereby this bad energy/feelings flows in a positive feedback loop, regenerating indefinitely.
Reminds me of times when i fear or dislike a particular or kind of dog, the barking never stops.
Think i need more sleep.... work again tmr T.T

Prayers

Dear whichever great one up there,
I swear i've been a really good girl lately, at work and outside out. So please just let it work so that i dont have to work day and night, during wkends and in my dreams.

Blogging

Should be able to see me blogging more coz i finally reinstalled the blogger app haha... u know, procrastination is a big word in my dictionary.. in fact, i think it's the biggest word.... oh wait, it shows up more than once!

Work again today! Oh wells, the only consolation is that we get paid for it :/

What doesnt kill you

こどもの日

It's Children's Day here in Japan, today, technically speaking.

Been working every single day this week till late night, and it's going to be another working day today (Sat). Not sure about Sun yet.

Went through quite a fair bit these few days, and learnt alot. The people whom you are supposed to trust, and prob not the most trustable. The ones who are supposed to be guiding you might not be the ones you'll learn most from. Bottomline, trust yourself and ask more questions. After all of these, I was quite surprised with myself for being able to put it out of my mind (for the time being) and jump back all ready to piah. All smiles and no bad feelings.

But the minute I boarded the train, I started rethinking about what happened.

Nonetheless, I'm still very glad there's a few good mentors and those who helped alot.... though I think too much help at times can be hindering to my learning=P

Alritez, KO!

Distraction

Enjoying the time we spend together, and the little walks home till we have to part.

Everythg seems good, only that this is just so wrong.

Feet & Talks

What do you do if one walks too fast and talks too slowly, while the other walks too slowly and talks too fast?

There's so many things on my mind, I cant decide which one to talk about first. And then end up not talking (and possibly) putting them behind. Is that bound to happen as we grow older?

Who is he?

Ludwig Mies van der Rohe

A german architect.

Today 20120324

The guy is away for 社員旅行, which is nothing but a day trip... Not that I wish he will be away longer, but for the sake of your company staff who need a break, i think more investment is needed. The worst part is, they have to pay for everything out of their own pockets. =P

Anyway this leaves me with all the time in the world, for today, to do whatever i want, including sleep in. Woke up at 10.30am, sent him off and headed back to dream till 3pm. No more cafe visits for me it means. But then that means i can be at home doing things long outdated.

Work has been reeeeally nothing near fufilling. Been involved in quite abit of document review (which was alot of proof reading) and translation. There's a new proj coming up and im hoping to not kill myself over it, since people in that proj are known to go for the last train home/cab EVERY DAY. Im sure my eyebrows knitted when my colleagues talk abt how they have meals with hubbies only during weekends since both parties work late throughout the week.

Dinner ytd with QX and his friends. I dunno why but seeing him makes me feel bad at times...

 cute kids in the train

Origami

Yoshizawa Akira, the grandmaster of Origami.

This caught my attention while at work, partly coz it's so cute, we haven't seen nice Google doodles for awhile yeah? It's also because this guy shares the same surname as the Geek, which isn't that common afterall. This is the 3rd guy I know (besides his family).

2 pretty major quakes today. It was made worse by me having to be squashed in the super crowded train. There was some delay and everyone rushed to take the first train that came. I would have usually given it a miss, but the Geek was sick at home and I wanted to be back as soon as possible.

The wedding is finally over, and we both had a great time last weekend just simply relaxing and doing things we like (watching a movie together, just loitering around zakkaya). I guess normalcy suits us better.

That is not to say that the wedding wasn't enjoyable. It was a wonderful experience (that you would only wanna go through once), that left me feeling many things after that. Will write more about it, hopefully only the pleasant stuffs, this weekend. I hope the photos will be ready soon, so looking forward to it!

Rush

i dont like it when people contact me JUST to ask if i can get sth back for them... and i dont like it even more when they do it just 2 days before im abt to fly off for the wedding....

hmm havent been getting enough sleep these days coz of the prep thats not completed... that's not what a bride should be doing huh... *imagines a wrinkled face bride* the irony is, im pretty eng in office... so free that I had to walk around asking ppl for work!

Gold

I'm so proud of me and my work =)

Life

Some interesting read, which I took off the page here.
Good to keep this in mind.

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.
I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.

Source: http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/

New Proj

And so I started working in the first project today. They give out really cute stuffs to go with your visitors pass over here, I might just ask if I can bring one home. =)

Used to work in an area which was really good for shopping. I now work in another area which is even better, in terms of "shoppability" ;D dropped by the mall beside the station today and ended up with a new pen, nice post-its, masking tapes, and boxes of bentos for dinner. If you think Ginza was bad for your purse, I would say the residential areas are worse coz you just spend little sums here and there that do add up!

Got a really bad cold towards the end of my trip back to SG. Have I mentioned it before? i can't remember! It made the last long weekend un-fun coz I was practically in bed/on the sofa dozing off and waking up to eat, then dozing off again. Got slightly better on Sat and I braced myself up to walk AKB for the Geek's new toy and myself a notebook bag. Learned alot more abt audio systems and stuffs, accumulated from the visit to Adelphi but feel a big hole burning in my pocket haha.... Felt sicker after the outing.

Ytd was out to get additional formal work clothes, or rather stuffs to make my clothes look more formal. Didn't wanna get another suit (never expected to get sick of them this fast!) so got another nice kinda formal jacket instead. Happy that I managed to do some shopping in SG, which I could use here.

I said I'll blog about the SG trip. That was a big fat lie. Decided not to coz execution seems more useful! And there's less than 2 months left!! Meanwhile, expecting to be busy with work, at least this week or else the next as well. I'm beginning to feel the heat coz everyone works so hard here, and I mean REALLY! It's not so much of competition but more like people working their ass off and you don't want to be a lazy cow mooing around and then hold up the team's progress. And then there's also this schedule coming up next week, which I'm actually looking forward to hohoho!

Back!

These few days, whenever I use the words "Back to Singapore/Japan", i get a weird feeling telling me that I can't be saying I'm back at both places.

Singapore was hot, hot, and hot. The trip was kinda crazy, we had to get as much things done and me, catching up with as many people as possible. But trying to accomplish way too much for the 5 days+ we had didn't do any good. Think quantity vs quality. It was also a reality check for us (or rather me) that I really don't have much time left to procrastinate.

Wanna write down everything before I forget every single thing.