SUMMER LOVIN'

We haven't been on vacation for a few years, but we're more than making up for it this summer. Right now I'm finishing up preparations for the big Kirkham family reunion cruise (pirate night! beach time!) and pulling things together for seminary. Here's a mixed-up run of fun things to remember:

Costa Vida Multiple times -- whether trekking in Texas or just down the street in Utah. I'm a little obsessed with the sweet pork salad. Sue's pool Oh, how I love floating in the pool. (I'm so glad Scott built one for me!) Speaking of pools: the Lindon pool in Utah has the best view and lazy river of any public pool I've seen. They also have a surfing deal, if that floats your boat board. I couldn't resist the urge to Photobomb a large group of tourists on Hollywood Boulevard. Oh, yes I did. Heard the best rendition of You Don't Know You're Beautiful from my two lovelies in the lobby of our LosAngeles hotel. Karaoke, good and bad, came from the party on the lawn beneath the pool at said hotel: excellent "Sweet Caroline" but painfully awful "Bye Bye Miss American Pie." The Flour Shop Bakery makes good cupcakes. My favorites have fruity fillings with cream topping rather than icing: Key Lime  Pie (lime curd!), Lemon Drop (lemon curd!), Peach Melba (raspberry & peach!). First-time Blokus with Aunt Karen on the Scera outdoor theater lawn. It was so fun we headed straight for Target the first day back and bought our own game. Summer nights in Utah... sigh. My favorite Grahams welcomed us and Texas-turned-Utah friends the Hiatts, Copes, and Hardys in their lovely back garden, with a surprise appearance by Gina Hema! We loved laughing and playing with my college friends Ken & Susan and their boys. Kind of eerie, though, how the apple doesn't fall far: a few times I turned at Ken's voice, only to realize it was actually Grant speaking! We loved singing with Mamacita -- at 98 -- the standard "Home on the Range" but also "You Are My Sunshine" and "Daisy, Daisy." Lots of hand holding and kisses -  each time it was hard to leave her. Kelly Adams worked his magic again on my hair. Not sure how he managed, but several people have said it looks like I've lost weight?! Driving up to Ruth's Diner in the canyon is my favorite new tradition with Mom and Dad. We did Family History, sort of, and shared lots of giggles with Tanya and Gavin Barkdull. We're third cousins, don't ya know? I managed to squeeze in Pedicures and a Costco run with Erika and Tami. My "Minnie Mouse" toes are hanging on for the cruise. Kate, Anna, and I got into the pilot taping for Kids Do The Darnedest Things. I'm actually afraid to see myself in the audience some time this fall. Spiderman with Karen. Batman with John. Chicken Tikka Masala with the Andersens. Monster Sack ridiculousness with Anna and Liz. BYU Museum of Art cafe (shawarma!) and exhibit on Muslim art. Skirts at Down East Outfitters, jewelry and tops at Forever 21 at City Creek, and a Beautifully Modest dress for Katie at Alysse's Bridal -- and a few gowns tried, just for fun. Family Photos with Madison and breakfast on the 4th in Grandma's backyard. Giggling girls in Kate's big new bed. Coming home again.

'Why Women Still Can't Have It All' = Sad

I want the world...

I've pasted excerpts from the original article. You can find the full version of Anne Marie Slaughter's article here.


"How could anyone voluntarily leave the circles of power for the responsibilities of parenthood? Depending on one’s vantage point, it is either ironic or maddening that this view abides in the nation’s capital, despite the ritual commitments to “family values” that are part of every political campaign. "


..."And although women as a group have made substantial gains in wages, educational attainment, and prestige over the past three decades, the economists Justin Wolfers and Betsey Stevenson have shown that women are less happy today than their predecessors were in 1972, both in absolute terms and relative to men."


...the proposition that women can have high-powered careers as long as their husbands or partners are willing to share the parenting load equally (or disproportionately) assumes that most women willfeel as comfortable as men do about being away from their children, as long as their partner is home with them. In my experience, that is simply not the case."


"Ultimately, it is society that must change, coming to value choices to put family ahead of work just as much as those to put work ahead of family. If we really valued those choices, we would value the people who make them; if we valued the people who make them, we would do everything possible to hire and retain them; if we did everything possible to allow them to combine work and family equally over time, then the choices would get a lot easier."


"Young women should be wary of the assertion “You can have it all; you just can’t have it all at once....To the extent that it means, in the words of one working mother, “I’m going to do my best and I’m going to keep the long term in mind and know that it’s not always going to be this hard to balance,” it is sound advice. But to the extent that it means that women can have it all if they just find the right sequence of career and family, it’s cheerfully wrong."


"Given the way our work culture is oriented today, I recommend establishing yourself in your career first but still trying to have kids before you are 35—or else freeze your eggs, whether you are married or not. You may well be a more mature and less frustrated parent in your 30s or 40s; you are also more likely to have found a lasting life partner. But the truth is, neither sequence is optimal, and both involve trade-offs that men do not have to make."   


 You should be able to have a family if you want one—however and whenever your life circumstances allow—and still have the career you desire. If more women could strike this balance, more women would reach leadership positions. And if more women were in leadership positions, they could make it easier for more women to stay in the workforce."


"In commenting on a draft of this article, Martha Minow, the dean of the Harvard Law School, wrote me that one change she has observed during 30 years of teaching law at Harvard is that today many young men are asking questions about how they can manage a work-life balance. And more systematic research on Generation Y confirms that many more men than in the past are asking questions about how they are going to integrate active parenthood with their professional lives."


"These women are extraordinary role models. If I had a daughter, I would encourage her to look to them, and I want a world in which they are extraordinary but not unusual. Yet I also want a world in which, in Lisa Jackson’s words, “to be a strong woman, you don’t have to give up on the things that define you as a woman.” That means respecting, enabling, and indeed celebrating the full range of women’s choices. “Empowering yourself,” Jackson said in her speech at Princeton, “doesn’t have to mean rejecting motherhood, or eliminating the nurturing or feminine aspects of who you are.”


"We’ll create a better society in the process, for all women. We may need to put a woman in the White House before we are able to change the conditions of the women working at Walmart. But when we do, we will stop talking about whether women can have it all. We will properly focus on how we can help all Americans have healthy, happy, productive lives, valuing the people they love as much as the success they seek."


This article is getting lots of buzz. It is very interesting, and makes some fair points. But it also makes me sad.


 I am sad that long work hours for men and women, put in at the expense of home life and families, are acceptable and even admirable. That they are normal and necessary to career success. I am sad that even as more people talk about work-life balance, work hours keep rising. Many people I know work ridiculous hours. Some of them are paid very well to do so, and others aren't. I am sad when the families of highly paid road warriors lament work hours... because a lot of hard working people make sacrifices without the big paychecks.


I am sad because I feel conflicted about work and family. In my younger years, I pictured myself with an interesting career. Guess what? I don't have an interesting career. Somewhere along the line my future family started to factor into my choices... and the limitations I put on myself affected my choices. I wonder what might have been had I been brave enough to pursue my course rather than choose what seemed like a safer one. Please don't misunderstand me, I did this to myself. 


But that is neither here nor there. Regardless of my career path, my eventual decison to quit work to stay home with my daughter was also wholly mine. It came at a time when I had  fantastic child care, and when we could have used the money I was making. In fact, I surprised myself. But I have no doubt that it was the right decision. Twelve years later, I am still a stay-at-home Mom. I recognize that I am lucky to continue to be able to choose this path. But I still feel conflicted about work and family. I'd like to think that I am as smart, creative, and capable as the working men and women of the world. But I don't get the same respect. And it bothers me.


Recently I have contemplated going back to work. (Again, I realize I am lucky to have the choice). I would like to contribute financially to our bottom line --  we have college expenses looming on the horizon, savings accounts to be filled, and dreams of travel that could be.  I have started to evaluate different work scenarios, and it is not promising. Figuring out how to work and maintain a family at the start is ridiculous, and attempting it at this stage of the game is just as tricky. I feel sad about working. I feel sad about not working.


But do you want to know what makes me the most sad? That working moms feel judged. That stay-at-home moms feel unappreciated. That my choice, to stay at home for more than just an intermission, was not even discussed in this article. We all make choices. We all make sacrifices. 


I don't think you can have it all. If you are among the privileged in the world to have enough, what that means will be different for every person. I'd like to see less discussion of what must happen before women can "have it all" and more true acceptance of the choices men and women make and the lives they lead. 


That's all I have to say about that.