i hate breakups ):

i dont know what im doing with my life. every morning, i wake up wanting to see your morning message and before i sleep at night, i want to see a good night message. i very much want to control this thing i have but its so hard. control control control.. thats all you can say.
meeting you 4 times a week, talking to you on the phone everyday.. not helping me but i liked it this way. i want to give you up but at the same time, i dont want to. only you can give me such happiness.
there's a lot of thoughts and feelings i cant put it in words. i cant describe how im feeling.

tell me you neeed me in your life.

hey lanyan, yao and xianyee and other people who are secretly reading this! im fine okay :) dont worry about me. just pretend you all havent read all these okay. i know you all havent seen this side of me. this is like my only outlet to let out my feelings. but it will go away soon, i hope. thanks anyway :D

i misss you so effing much right nowww.
thanks for letting me spend your birthday with you.

no matter how hard i try, i cannot stop thinking of you.
why do you have to mean so much to me?
you even ask me why am i so obessed with you?
i liked you since 5 years ago. or even earlier just that i didnt realise it was like.
and right now, im still liking you.
and i love you baby.

i miss you soo much. you know that.
i cry myself to sleep every night.
i hate myself for losing you.
you are too precious to me.

have you ever wondered why i was the first person you thought of when you're in trouble?
is that a sign? i dont want to assume anymore.
maybe im right, maybe im wrong. or maybe you dont want to believe that you still like me.
or maybe its just me.
its so confusing. sometimes, or rather, nowadays, i have this urge to give up even tho i know i cant. and yes, people say im stupid for being there for you and letting you hurt me. im so hurt and yet im still here. i myself think im weird. as much as i want to leave you, i cant. i dont feel safe that you're all alone out there not sure if someone is looking after you or not. i dont want anything to happen to you. thats how much you mean to me. i hope this hurting thing everyday will make me move away from you only when you're safe and happy and with someone reliable to look after you babe. i love you.

i miss how i used to miss you.
right now, i miss you because i'm afraid of losing you.

why did you have to leave?
i am hurting so much right now.
you never used to put the phone down like this. you used to treat me better. with love and care.
you always knew what i wanted and you were always there for me.
i was so happy with you. thats true happiness.
i will do whatever it takes for me and you to return back to those times and just replay and replay those times. and i know you want it too. maybe not right now. but i know you do cause we were so happy then.
please dont leave me. please dont. you mean so much to me.
i cant forget you. its so hard.
tell me how to forget you.
tell me. i miss you, my baby.
do you know that?

tell me, tell me that you still love me.
i need to hear that.
PLEASE, DONT GO.

will you even rmb coming here? will you ever get to see this? you know how empty my life is right now? theres nothing to look forward to everytime i wake up, theres no motivation in my life that keeps me going. theres no strength in me to make me want to live. instead, there are things that make me want to leave this world rather than stay. its only on the days when i get to see you, i try to live till the end of the day. only to wake up the next day, and you're gone again. i need time to fast forward so i can forget you. or time to just go back, so i can be with you again. i just want to make you happy and see me as an important person in your life. thats all i ask for.

Why do you have to be so blunt with me?
Why cant you just let me live in my lies?
I cant forget you no matter how hard i try.
why do you have to mean so much to me?
i have so many unanswered questions.
I cant afford to lose you.
im sorry for the things i did and for the things i didnt do.
i really regret treating you like dirt and i still rmb you trying to get my attention and i ignored you.
im a jerk! i am.
3 years ago, i was and now i still am. you should just start scolding me.
i want you back.
i need you here by my side telling me what to do.
i feel so lost without you.
baby, i love you.

you gave me joy and happiness and ever since you left, i was never truly happy.
and i want that happiness back.
i really hope this is just a phase for us and its to test our love.
dont ever run away from my life.
dont you dare, darling.

i am angry with myself for letting you go. for me its less than a year and right now, the feelings are here to stay. its so strong that i dont know when will it go away. i want it to go away fast. i couldnt sleep last night cause whatever you said was stuck in my mind. i cried to sleep, i woke up tearing. i feel so useless. i feel so useless that i cant keep you by my side and the fact that you have alr made out with her makes me feel even worse. i want to accept reality but there's something not wanting me to and i dont know whats that. i just want to die so i can stop feeling all these pain and heartache. why do you have to tell me? i rather not know. i know you want me to be your friend but its so hard for me to do that. i dont know if i would rather not talk to you at all or just try to be your friend which is like totally impossible right now. its been so long how come i still can forget? i want to forget. i want to forget you. tell me cause you're my first thats why its hard. tell me that its natural to feel this way so i know i dont actually love you that much cause i dont want to. i miss you.

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i hate breakups ):

i dont know what im doing with my life. every morning, i wake up wanting to see your morning message and before i sleep at night, i want to see a good night message. i very much want to control this thing i have but its so hard. control control control.. thats all you can say.
meeting you 4 times a week, talking to you on the phone everyday.. not helping me but i liked it this way. i want to give you up but at the same time, i dont want to. only you can give me such happiness.
there's a lot of thoughts and feelings i cant put it in words. i cant describe how im feeling.

tell me you neeed me in your life.

hey lanyan, yao and xianyee and other people who are secretly reading this! im fine okay :) dont worry about me. just pretend you all havent read all these okay. i know you all havent seen this side of me. this is like my only outlet to let out my feelings. but it will go away soon, i hope. thanks anyway :D

i misss you so effing much right nowww.
thanks for letting me spend your birthday with you.

no matter how hard i try, i cannot stop thinking of you.
why do you have to mean so much to me?
you even ask me why am i so obessed with you?
i liked you since 5 years ago. or even earlier just that i didnt realise it was like.
and right now, im still liking you.
and i love you baby.

i miss you soo much. you know that.
i cry myself to sleep every night.
i hate myself for losing you.
you are too precious to me.

have you ever wondered why i was the first person you thought of when you're in trouble?
is that a sign? i dont want to assume anymore.
maybe im right, maybe im wrong. or maybe you dont want to believe that you still like me.
or maybe its just me.
its so confusing. sometimes, or rather, nowadays, i have this urge to give up even tho i know i cant. and yes, people say im stupid for being there for you and letting you hurt me. im so hurt and yet im still here. i myself think im weird. as much as i want to leave you, i cant. i dont feel safe that you're all alone out there not sure if someone is looking after you or not. i dont want anything to happen to you. thats how much you mean to me. i hope this hurting thing everyday will make me move away from you only when you're safe and happy and with someone reliable to look after you babe. i love you.

i miss how i used to miss you.
right now, i miss you because i'm afraid of losing you.

why did you have to leave?
i am hurting so much right now.
you never used to put the phone down like this. you used to treat me better. with love and care.
you always knew what i wanted and you were always there for me.
i was so happy with you. thats true happiness.
i will do whatever it takes for me and you to return back to those times and just replay and replay those times. and i know you want it too. maybe not right now. but i know you do cause we were so happy then.
please dont leave me. please dont. you mean so much to me.
i cant forget you. its so hard.
tell me how to forget you.
tell me. i miss you, my baby.
do you know that?

tell me, tell me that you still love me.
i need to hear that.
PLEASE, DONT GO.

will you even rmb coming here? will you ever get to see this? you know how empty my life is right now? theres nothing to look forward to everytime i wake up, theres no motivation in my life that keeps me going. theres no strength in me to make me want to live. instead, there are things that make me want to leave this world rather than stay. its only on the days when i get to see you, i try to live till the end of the day. only to wake up the next day, and you're gone again. i need time to fast forward so i can forget you. or time to just go back, so i can be with you again. i just want to make you happy and see me as an important person in your life. thats all i ask for.

Why do you have to be so blunt with me?
Why cant you just let me live in my lies?
I cant forget you no matter how hard i try.
why do you have to mean so much to me?
i have so many unanswered questions.
I cant afford to lose you.
im sorry for the things i did and for the things i didnt do.
i really regret treating you like dirt and i still rmb you trying to get my attention and i ignored you.
im a jerk! i am.
3 years ago, i was and now i still am. you should just start scolding me.
i want you back.
i need you here by my side telling me what to do.
i feel so lost without you.
baby, i love you.

you gave me joy and happiness and ever since you left, i was never truly happy.
and i want that happiness back.
i really hope this is just a phase for us and its to test our love.
dont ever run away from my life.
dont you dare, darling.

i am angry with myself for letting you go. for me its less than a year and right now, the feelings are here to stay. its so strong that i dont know when will it go away. i want it to go away fast. i couldnt sleep last night cause whatever you said was stuck in my mind. i cried to sleep, i woke up tearing. i feel so useless. i feel so useless that i cant keep you by my side and the fact that you have alr made out with her makes me feel even worse. i want to accept reality but there's something not wanting me to and i dont know whats that. i just want to die so i can stop feeling all these pain and heartache. why do you have to tell me? i rather not know. i know you want me to be your friend but its so hard for me to do that. i dont know if i would rather not talk to you at all or just try to be your friend which is like totally impossible right now. its been so long how come i still can forget? i want to forget. i want to forget you. tell me cause you're my first thats why its hard. tell me that its natural to feel this way so i know i dont actually love you that much cause i dont want to. i miss you.