came across the idea today that Singapore is clean not because we want it to be, but because of the hard work of an "army of maids and cleaners". How truly enlightening. its terribly irksome when i see someone littering. but perhaps the problem has always existed just that enforcement has only been stepped up recently and the superficial cleanliness has been ripped off to reveal the ugly nature of Singaporeans. or perhaps we have been so complacent of the Lion City's clean and green reputation that people are starting to take things for granted and think a cig butt wont hurt. and its down the slippery slope we go, like when will it be that ONE CO2 molecule too many in the atmosphere? education alone isnt enough; only when we take a collective stand and act (talk about moral courage)against littering can we truly overcome this bad habit of ours. how badly do we really want a clean and green place to live in or is it just the economic sense behind it that really drives us?
a ludicrous solution for a ludicrous problem - a 10k fine should set things straight...

Blessed 2008 everyone!

was reading the papers today when i saw that the ST gp was exuberant for it's 40 years of existence. sure, by all means it's good that we are self-sufficient in terms of protecting ourselves, but being proud of marketing ammunition and weapons and what not around the world, of them being used in wars around the world now? how can someone be proud of perpetrating violence and destruction, i can never understand. weapons mongers must be only slightly better off than drug-mongers. sure, if you dont do it, im sure someone else will but why be the one? seriously.

Had the first 37th ignis gathering in 2 years! it was really enjoyable to meet up with the rest, even though 5 of them couldnt make it, largely due to being physically absent from the island nation. So 7 of us happily trotted to youk's house, where he graciously hosted a BBQ session together with his brother. the joy and art of BBQ-ing meats are slowly revealing itself, from the ORD Chalet to Xmas eve dinner to today and hopefully New Year's eve. And the night culminated in charades which was characteristically, ignISsSss. :D Shouldnt try to describe too much lest it mars the experience of the night. as always, dont try to re-discover or get the same feel from relieving the experience twice - the next time is always not as satisfying. can only look forward to the next one (cos it's not relieving an experience but another add-on) where hopefully more people can turn up. at least there was something to look forward to after work.

meeting wx tmr for kuishin bo. there needs to be some form of proper regulation. seriously.

This xmas i stayed home, feeling pensive since it's that time of the year again. as i was thinking of sec sch to JC (surprisingly i IMed yunshan abt our class gathering that i didnt attend) and to NS and i thought of the path that lie ahead, i thot it's time for closure and to move on. That of course doesnt mean that all acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind, but to not always linger in a state of hiding behind the pretence of youth and adolescence. Admit it people, you are getting old, archaic in fact. if your NRIC doesnt start with a "9" or "0", start thinking of geriatrics. it is always about what we leave behind AND what we gain in the days ahead. NS wasnt a bad experience, it was just different and different doesnt equate to bad. and, whether some people will be there at your funeral or fade into oblivion, only time will tell.

Moving on, i have ~8 mths to fill. language and music lessons, anyone?

Haji yesterday was a well-deserved break. Having been working for a few weeks now, a certain sense of relief washed over me as the clock strucked midnight on haji. even though im non-muslim, im glad that we celebrate this religious holdiday, simply because it was a respite from work.

Met up with the hou twins (how remarkably alike twins can look like!!!) tekko, arabko and andy and samuel (who i always see). Seems like RJ and NS changed the twins alot. sheng especially, who is SOOo much more mature now, a far cry from his ah-beng days. zheng's leaving for umich in about a wk's time and i wish to go see him off, just that the hours are really unearthly.

the meeting was nostalgic - we talked abt many things that happened in class, the most hum-drum events that meant the world to us back that. the significance of bert's slime, mr vink and yes meneo's features. all the, in retrospect, childish things that we used to do, the nicknames that we used to give, the cliques that we used to have. there are not many people that you meet in years and are able to talk to like you have known each other since time immemorial. im grateful that there are some, most from sec sch, some from ns and probably a handful from JC. pt is, there are some who fade into oblivion and that's really a pity, especially those whom dun even bother to reciprocate our efforts. it's really how much we want it, isn't it?

soon it's time to matriculate and everyone seems to be flying off. a gd half at least. i'll miss many things but perhaps i'll be more surpised by what i'll see when i return. who knows some people may already be fathers by then. :)

It's time to round up the 1st 20 years of life and move on. Life goes on. what was will now always be. closure is good.


Xmas will be here soon. this yr's festive season is a rather pensive one. time to catch up and reminisce of the past. time to stock take and be grateful for wad's good. to know what's not so good and move ahead in the correct direction. one of the few moments when i dont feel that there is always not enough time. i guess i'll come back, see people married, working, wretched, metamorphosised and ask myself what did i miss and left behind? and perhaps at the other end, the others will ask the same.

Taipei was rush, frenzy and excitement all rolled into one. Upon arrival, we headed straight for , braving the chilly winds and messy traffic. The square was a dizzy mix of neon signboards of myriad colours, a showcase of food, apparel, accessories and everyday needs all cramped into one dingy little walkway. Many shops had sales and offers due to the changing of seasons but prudence was the order of the day as the best was yet to be. My focus was, of course, on the many street bites that i had missed the last time round i was in taipei. At 2300, wanting to make full use of the time there, i suggested going to huaxi night market where there really wasnt much. i can only remember the melt-in-your-mouth yoghurt mochis (why arent they available here!?!?), the rather special watch that brandon bought and some itinerant hawkers peddling secondhand phones at ridiculously low prices, which made me doubt the quality of the goods. That made one whole night of solid walking.

Day two was early. too early. despite walking to taipei main station after breakfast, NONE of the shops in the underground mall was open at 1000 hrs. so after walking further down, we stumbled upon a cake shop that had great curry biscuits but i didnt buy those, preferring to wait till the last day at some out of the way shop in nanking east rd sec 5 :( and a tw version of poh kim / laser flair / wadhaveyou a few shops down. on to shinkong mitsukoshi and to this obscure shop with really tacky designs going on sale and back down to the station before deciding that we shld visit yuanling shoe st via beautiful 228 peace park (must have been the weather), where we overstayed and hence did not visit Guting and dintaifung & kaoji. re-supp at the hotel and on to shida night market, where we broke contact at the mrt station... better to read the LED signs outside the carriage doors... more streetfood and more shopping but it wasnt really the best of the many night markets we visited. would say that most of the vendors are student-entrepreneurs...but its not as bad as wad teddy said about nothing there. the XuJi SHengJianBaos were fantastic!!! and having tried many variations of those during the whole trip, i shld say that those were the best. unfortunately Gongguan was closed on wednesdays, to our horror and finding out only upon arriving, marking an early end to day 2.

Having learnt our lesson in day 2, we started later to Danshui on thursday, taking the train then walking towards YuRenMaTou to do a brief recce of the shops selling fish crackers and iron eggs, amidst others. only halfway through the traipse along the river did we realise that it wasnt a effective use of time walking so we bussed there. :) Lover's bridge and the surrounding area was picturesque but that was it. The cool weather helped of course but there really didnt seem to be alot of ppl there. probably cos it was a wkday. but Ah-ge WAS delicious (bean vermicelli wrapped in tofu skin and topped with a fishcake and bathed in sweet braised sauce). i wonder why some things were never brought to singapore like the bubble tea craze. and on the way back we decided to walk through the shops again to get the fish crackers and iron eggs and various other items that my friends got save me, who was really more interested in the food and quaint offerings native to the region. after walking for the day, it was a wise decision to deposit the stuff back at the hotel before training to Shilin. God forbid us trying to squeeze through the crowd carrying bags of crackers and eggs and whathaveyou. from 7 till 11, we split up and ploughed the streets of shilin night market. for some parts i felt like a zombie, too exhausted to think and choose. Just trudged on whereas jianhao really seemed to be in his element. eyes simply lit up at many of the wares on display. haha and i thought i bought too much for my own good. turned out that i had some of the least to check in coming back, haha. but the food centre was where i had some of my best meals. every other meal was eat-as-you-walk, one of the few things that i didnt really like, come to think of it.

Day 4 saw us getting conned by daniel's recommendation. after walking from zhongxiaoshinsheng to fuxing and going up to this shoe store, we realised that it was a predominantly ladies' ware kind of place. mega bummer. but at least we got to see the not-so-touristy streets of taipei :D taipet 101 (yi-ling-yi, not yao-ling-yao as jianhao likes to say) was really not for us. too many armanis - the paragon of taipei, whereas NYNY had nothing... shinkong mitsukoshi was where we got this wonderful ice-cream mochi. and ESLITE book store was like the candy house of bookstores. bring it to singapore and i guess borders and kino would have to buck up really really hard. pity i couldnt really explore all levels of that place. :( linjiang st night market was really far from eslite but we braved the especially chilly winds that night and walked there, relying on the ground topo which i had not done in ages, but thanks to the map and my limited knowledge of chinese, we found our way there. :D linjiang was really cramped and dingy and was really nothing much, just more well-lit than shida. and we didnt get to see mr baozi, which brandon did - a brillant innovation of east-meets-west: baos disguised as donuts. haha really pretty. wonder how they taste. raohe on the other hand, was much more organised (unlike shilin), spacious (unlike linjiang) and had a good range of wares (unlike shida) AND delicious salad prawn fritters. mmm :P and there was this really friendly vendor who chased us all the way out of the night market for fear that his instructions were unclear and we'd loose our way. deeply regret not getting the red jacket from him that i really liked. oh well.

after 4 days of solid walking, i was beginning to feel the aches all over my feet,knees and thighs. so on the last day of last-minute shopping to get what-we-liked-but-did-not-before or see what-we-want-but-did-not-before, i took a bus back to nanking east rd sec 5 and got those highly recommended, award winning pineapple tarts from this out of the way shop (paid a hefty price too) then bussed to song shan rd to get to houshanpi station after taking directions from this really friendly obasan. haha. bussing alone in a foreign land was fun. toured wufenpu but most shops were closed till much later, when we were about to leave. no luck with the jacket and hence, back to ximen to get yy's shoes, which he didnt get in the end since he didnt like those on display. risotto set for lunch costing less than SGD10 (only had that once here and it was on the verge of $20...) not too bad :D last few hrs leading to the airport transfer was frantic but i guess we still made it. thanks to the driver we got to this cake shop that sold the elusive green bean cakes that brandon's mum really likes - the best i tasted during the trip: soft and chilled, melt-in-your-mouths and adequately sweet so that it did not overpower the flavour of the green bean paste. :D but ironically it was known more for its President's Cakes haha. wadever.

Despite the long boring plane rides, taipei was great with many things to see,eat and buy, not unlike bangkok. of course the wares were different and taipei was much more costly (guess i could go to bangkok twice for a trip to taipei) but we enjoyed taipei immensely, looking at the mortifying amount of stuff that we were lugging at the hotel lobby and at the check-in counter, the only other really embarrassing times being the cam-whoring episodes, especially with jianhao and his D-SLR, which was slung across his neck to announce the arrival of tourists :S i almost didnt dare look the check-in staff in the eye. haha and we were mistaken for starlight troopers but they decided against it in the end as troopers checked in more stuff! haha. dont delude yourself guys, we did check in alot of stuff and i doubt other passengers checked in much more. but isnt that what makes us uniquely singapore? but somehow some vendors mistook us for taiwanese at times hehe like how one assumed i was a student there and most probably owned one of many scooters that were parked along the many walkways of taipei. i'd probably want to visit again, this time to see yangmingshan, take a ferry ride on danshui river, go to a hot spring, visit the night markets, spend more time at eslite, spend time having proper meals and not just trashy stuff along the streets AND go to keelung. for now, it's back to the limbo between ORD and uni, and try to move on with life...

Retreat day = dress down = kinda like clubbing attire....wad is that? im lost...
anw, louis said he doesnt know if we are allowed to do that but HEY if we ALL do it tgt then what can they say? make us all go home and change???? reminds me of sch days. then it's just in time to come back for the cruise. haha i "look forward" to tmr.

Was pleasantly surprised when the Office called on monday to ask if i could start work on tuesday. i was beginning to wonder if they have forgotten about me when the phone rang just as i came back from a run...

Work is pretty interesting. Now i get to be on the other side of the selection process, and see what it is really like and it really is a harsh reality out there. stereotypes and what not. i wonder how i got through it all. and stupid prestigious schools in the bukit timah and bishan areas respectively jus flooded our mailbox with more students than asked for, many much lacking in quality. whereas the bt timah school across the road and the ones in the East coast and buona vista areas only sent in their very best. the difference btw careful consideration and filtering and non-discriminating flooding. and u can guess where most of the hopefuls come from. some have such abysmal results that i would never have dared to show anyone, let alone send in an application. Magic doesnt just happen my dears.

Other than that, it has been exciting on a whole. first day into work and i was the sorting hat; the database manager. then slides preparation by guessing what my boss wanted to convey to the hopefuls. and lately correspondence with 60-70 people and many many many more from all over the world if i start to have access to certain inboxes. HRd may or may not be detached from actual ops but there are many constraints and considerations to make on staffing and some ppl just may not realise that. like how one of the DDs came to make noise EARLY in the morning...but it was MTHS overdue so perhaps jus perhaps. but that guy is new, only been here for 2 mths. the issue had been ongoing for 8??? im not sure...

Low pay, long hours, many things to learn and people to meet. CS was right, it's not just the money. with all that OT, money wouldnt be a problem...i wished i had someone i know to work with me...

bumming around has been utterly enjoyable but i think somehow, not working has gotten to me. Like how i notice that there's so much to be done around the house and no one is doing it. i tried sorting the laundry but somehow clothes will not find themselves in the cupboards, or worse, be stuffed like rags into drawers. that's agonising when ive painstakingly ironed all the clothes to find them crumpled after all that stuffing. tried hanging the clothes but they never disappear from the bamboo poles or the pails. tried boiling water but the pot is always dry. my dad keeps watching streamed movies online when he could help keeping his own clothes instead of letting it mess up the spare room. and mum could spend more effort instead of spraying water all around the house with a house and delude herself into thinking that the floors will be clean when the water evaporates. and stop spending so much time with god-knows-who. religion divides, we are after all a secular nation. let order be the new religion. blasphemous i know, but seriously, i feel like im trying very hard to keep things in order but everyone else is against me.... i shld just scream and shout at everyone like they are worse than the bmt recruits. i think my brother needs the training...despite so much that we say about the SAF, it does have its merits after all. and sometimes when i try too hard to organise something, i feel that it's not worth the effort and just forget everything. forget that certain ppl even exist.

It's rather annoying that my prospective employer posted an advert for temp admin asst on 14 Nov when: 1) i was asked to start on 12 Nov but received no news thereafter. 2) im waiting indefintely for a start date since they are still waiting for approval since 3 wks ago. Either they are still recruiting or they are not taking me seriously, in which case they should have told me and not keep me waiting. Seriously. I will write in to complain (wherever and whenever) if they decide not to take me in the end...

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, iPaq etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that’s playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don’t lie and try to pretend you’re cool…

01 - OPENING CREDITS: White Christmas - Otis Redding
02 - WAKING UP: Too Lost In You - Sugarbabes
03 - FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL: 难得一见 - 孙燕资
04 - FALLING IN LOVE: 相爱多年 - 韩红/许志安
05 - FIGHT SONG: All I Want For Christmas Is You - Olivia Olson
06 - BREAKING UP: Galway Sway - Shanon (?????)
07 - PROM: When You Say Nothing At All - Ronan Keating
08 - LIFE: The Wounded Shall Advance Into The Light- Yasunori Mitsuda/Xenogears: 1-22
09 - MENTAL BREAKDOWN: FFIX / Melodies of Life - Emiko Shiratori
10 - DRIVING: 想太多 - 李玖哲
11 - FLASHBACK: How Do I Live - LeAnn Rimes
12 - WEDDING: 隐形人 - 孙燕资
13 - BIRTH OF CHILD: 開始懂了 - 孙燕资
14 - FINAL BATTLE: Genso Suikoden II　OST / Moonlit Night Theme - Miki Higashino
15 - DEATH SCENE: 霍元甲 - 周杰伦
16 - FUNERAL SONG: 夢遊 - 孙燕资
17 - END CREDITS: 我不爱 - 孙燕资

Thailand - the land of smiles, sales and bargains. SO much to see, hear, smell, touch and taste. You like, you buy. dont like? just walk on. (i was strangely out of place, being a head or 2 taller than everyone else, evident on the MRT)

Everywhere i went, it was like a pasar malam, just that it operated in the day with some vendors selling into the night. Street hawkers deep frying bananas and pork alongside entrepreneurs selling t-shirts, bags shoes and everything that you could think of (the thais really like brands). Pink, yellow and blue metered taxis zoomed past in the background; tuk tuk touts approaching tourists for business, their swanky new vehicles parked by the curb. Everything was on sale but even then, most prices could be reduced by half. The incessant chattering of bargaining and pleading was only drowned by the passing busker, singing in thai.

The food was plentiful and cheap. Not taking a fancy to the exotic tastes of the thais? Try japanese, chinese, italian and even fusion. Not interested in hawker fare? try the many food courts/halls and fast food joints that litter the streets and walkways. From the mish-mash of MBK to the classy chic of Siam Paragon(i couldnt really spend much there), bangkok had much to offer to everyone and anyone.

Just as i was lost in the bustling city of bangkok, a girl, barely 6, lay on the lap of her mother, tucked beneath the mother's dress. Her head was drawn backwards and a towel was draped across her forehead. The mother was rocking back and forth, trying to fan her child and seemingly crying to heaven at the same time. The pale iridiscence of the overhead signboard illuminated the anguished face of the mother and the lifeless face of the girl. I wondered why the woman was still there and not at a hospital and decided that it was not in my interest to take a photo. At the very next crossing just 2 paces ahead, a shiny black Lexus rolled past, oblivious to the dust and grime of the streets of bangkok...

HAPPY ORD TO EVERYONE, especially those in NOV DEC 07!!

There are so many things that i want to do: work, learn (language, music, film), play, eat, sleep, run, swim, plan, shop, travel, study, apply, blog, read and the list goes on forever :D

Ive deleted all unnecessary smses from my phone and hopefully all of traces of 64105999 will fade away from my phone in two weeks!

Looking forward to 8 mths of freedom. or is it?

ms lim IMed today to say that she's putting my name down for chem relief. yay. and ive submitted my resume to MFA for perusal and consideration. shall see which comes along

Relief:

Pros-
Short hours = more time for other things.
get back in touch with sch!!!

Cons-
School's far
Not very exciting.
prolly have to add tuition or something.
Not much value-adding...

MFA:

Pros -
Probably higher pay than relief.
More valuable experience.
YSY's company

Cons-
Long hours = less flexibility.
Inaccessible workplace!!
Like NS...

Too little info at the moment. when can i get more info to make an informed choice? not exactly helping that nobody reads their emails at stat boards and ministries. jus going to go ahead then. heck propriety.

The ORD parade was a surreal experience. The illusion of night masked many of the imperfections, making it seem as if a lot of effort was put into personal turnout and drill. Done in the day, everyone would have looked lackadaisical but in the night, it all seemed soldierly. How clever of them to hold it at night. or perhaps it was a symbolic enough event that people will act for regardless race, langauage and religion? seriously, dont know what they are thinking. since when have symbols or virtues mattered much to those people anyway in an age of instant gratification, hedonism and wanton consumerism.

I'm just happy that it's over.

I had a sudden outbreak of rashes after a run on tuesday. it was such a grotesque transformation or shall i say misfiguration that more than several people were stunned beyond words upon coming across me. I belive for a moment i was the new Medusa. aptly M. back to the pt of the rashes, i was truly despondent that it could have been due to the prawns that i had for dinner. No prawns = no to many foods = a truly hum drum existence for me. truly. and i was pretty dismayed that it could have been due to my own perspiration. not that i'd miss torturing myself but that means no IPPT incentives = min $2000 for 10 ICTs...and the possibility of downgrading:)

Hence, with unwavering determination(okay, slightly) i decided to have fried hokkien mee at the canteen for supper on wednesday. kindly teddy and jianan donated 2 prawns each so that makes a grand total of 6 tantalising crustaceans. thankfully 3 hrs later, i had yet to transmogrify into "the thing" or my OC who came a-visiting would have had a most visible shock of his life. and mz said he would slap me if he saw me if i had transformed during the night. No tight slaps means a prawn for dinner today. :)

After putting off running on wednesday(i slept in to skip SOC and coy run only to be arrowed to clean the veh shed...), i decided to test the perspiration theory today by running around the neighbourhood. No weird tingling, stinging sensations, no misshapen lumps trying to break free of my epidermis to gasp for air. That's a good sign. Half-way through the static i was fatigued beyond believe and still no lumps:) The session concluded with me trying to walk back home in good shape. So the perspiration theory has been...proven wrong. Which was kind of weird since the stinging got worse that night when i rubbed my temples with the beads of excreta rolling down my cheeks in the ambulance that fateful night...

This brings me to conclude that it could have been a mix of many things: dissolved gases, POL from the Ultra servicing when i ran past the veh shed, other weird things in the dinner that night, or simply a case of bed bugs and dirty laundry / bedlinen. Whatever the case, im glad that it's not tasty shrimps nor slimy excreta that has caused the abrupt case of acute urticaria http://www.allergyhospital.co.uk/urticaria.htm: Exercising after eating certain foods such as wheat, celery and shellfish might provoke delayed urticaria now i know). hopefully it's a once-off thing.

need to send in my resume to MFA for a temp position. how wonderful when the recruiter said that," ...it'll not be unlike army." FOOYI didnt reply to my mail so i guess it's ok to go ahead?

Just finished The Devil and Miss Pyrm by Paulo Coelho, in which there were a few rather interesting ideas.

The first was that people in general are cowards, who don't stand up for what's right or who take the easy way out by standing by as things go wrong. It's always easier to live and let live than pick a fight over trivial things or shall i say over principles. but this is like a seed once sown, that will sprout into a seedling and bloom into a tree. if i can condone this, what can i not condone? People want to do things differently but at the cusp of change are afraid and tend to be comforted by the complacency of routine, of which i am guilty but more often than not, am shoved beyond my comfort zone. wadever. and we choose not to see this cowardice but live with it unconsciously. those that are aware choose not to act on it.

The second idea that i discovered was that people are neither good nor evil but instruments of good and evil. The capacity for human benevolence is equivalent to the human capacity for malevolence. That people commit kind or evil deeds not based on their nature but rather circumstances. . Were they evil to want to kill for 10 gold bars that would secure not only the livelihood of generations but also the restitution of their fading settlement, a symbol of hope and achievement? they disarmed their weapons at the last moment as the gold may not be able to be exchanged for money but remained as worthless metal. were they kind to have let off the old woman, for committing the murder would only add to guilt with a certain possibility that the gold cannot be converted to cash? The sacrifice of one for the salvation of many (the greater good) was incited by one but nurtured into action by the agenda of a few.

The third idea and my favourite, was that our lives are reigned by fear and hence our actions are motivated by fear. Fear of success for the resulting envy; fear of failure for rejection; fear of being a social misfit and thus the desire to socialise, the fear of not being able to provide bread and butter and hence the motivation to work; the fear of being labelled as useless and thus the need to pursue an education. What i really liked was the fear of being punished and hence people follow the rules of society. That people do not behave themselves becos they want to but becos they are afraid of being punished. so what does that make of deviants to the mainstream, of those who refuse to conform? Values are made up to make it easier for us to behave becos we are petrified of the ramifications of potentially socially undesirable behaviour.

Of course for every view there is an opposing viewpt, thanks to Ms V. being ever the cynic, i am more inclined towards coelho's ideas but i guess they were portrayed to the extreme and made the reader want to treat it with caution. i want to belive that humankind is good by nature, that bravery and valour exist and that we do things because we want to not because we dont want something else. but i also realise that the truth is often far from what i want and always somewhere in between. and coelho made it all the more obvious. lofty ideals should be placed in perspective. balance needs to be struck when i decide whether or not the person who just stepped out of line needs to be told off.

***

ORD function was yesterday and over in...quite a while. Sad to say, i came from BMTC and then SISPEC and ATI, so i couldnt really feel the camaraderie of the 7th mono, established thru the gruelling syllabus of BMT and the trade and setion / plt courses. i can easily feel more for my fellow specialists because of a shared history and a common identity (tt's so SS!!)...the rest...we are all nSFs? haha. surprisingly, as i watched the videos, waves of nostalgia did not flood me as when i was in sch, both schs and even aisl. i felt rather detached, as if i were merely an observer. dont get me wrong NS taught me many things and i met many people, some wonderful, others not, and im grateful. but how unifying were the experiences? something that needs to be relooked. maebe cos it's a transition period for the organisation as well. or maybe i jus find it harder and harder to feel...

太愛了...　

所以我...　

沒有哭...　

沒有說...

stef sun is great...and the lyricists...and the composers.

hopefully i dont have the emotional range of a teaspoon at the spec. farewell next wk.

was hving dinner with my aunt and father on saturday when they started discussing joint pain, glucosamine, brisk-walking and taichi. that's quite a change from my dad's heydays of smoking, mahjong and late night supper at 2 to jogging to now...taichi. And the way they kept using the word "youngsters" made me feel awkward, even more so since we were are far east. Imagine listening to horror stories of stiff fingers in the morning or waking up in the middle of the night, not to go pee or because it's too hot or cold but because of acute knee-joint pain due to the airconditioning. With talk of such senescence and greying issues, i guess it puts life more in perspective, especially since ive barely left teenage years. and my heart beats faster with each complain of aches and pains. is it some form of dastardly disease yet to be detected? call me paranoid but the frailty of life is more...palpable? i can understand why qin tshi-huang wanted to attain immortaliy...the fear of growing old and all its related ailments but that was a bit...extreme. Unable to deal with reality perhaps? due to his despotic nature?? i dont know. what i do know is that on the threshold of adulthood, many things are not looking what they used to be as before. lost in innocence results in a gain in wisdom? or are there many side reactions that do not result in 1-for-1 exchange?

education is compulsory. and in formulating the doctrines or rather, syllabi of what we have studied, many problems of non-conformity are cured simply with daily dosages of morality and values cleverly woven into what we see, read, think, write and communicate about every day. Slowly but surely, education moulds our mindsets, values and behaviour, social biases, stereotypes, prejudices. This does not discount external factors such as family and social environment, which are equally influential in shaping the psychological climate of a place. In such a sense, we are self-censoring. but who decides what is right and wrong and who decides what should be inserted or deleted? and who is he to say that? or perhaps it's all based on conventional wisdom or an analysis of a collective will of the people. For some, it is nothing but the mandate of a Higher Being. but again nothing is objective since whatever studies concluded by a person in themselves are tainted with that person's bias. The very challenge to objectivity lies in the word "conclusion". and in the event that there are a myriad of conclusions due to the fact that each individual is unique, which should be considered the prevailing conclusion? and is the prevailing conclusion without flaws?

Notedly, we have one of the best education systems in the world, but does best necessarily mean ideal? Undoubtedly, many revisions have been made to the curriculum to cope with the many inadequecies of the system. That is not to say that the system is without its merits but rather, what is the relevance of the classroon im relation to life? For example, people who perform exceptionally under exam coniditons may be stumped by life slipping thorugh their hands. We can see from our history that education served as a tool to unify, indoctrinate and produce a economy-centric workforce. As society matures, and education becomes redefined as reflecting not only needs but also wants. have the needs changed? if so, have the inadequecies changed as well or expanded and is enough being done to deal with it? we no longer just need to read and write but process apply and create. furthermore, as output increases, the processes get strained and quality is compromised.

some say that it's not the technicalities that are taught in the classroom but the skills developed along the way that are transferable, but what exactly are those skills? there can be a million and one skills out there but which are the important ones? dont misunderstand me, technical skills are great, refined ones even more so. but how does an education that judges its products based on the technical skills accurately measure the state of skills acquired inadvertently through studying? is it fair to people who,year after year, generation after generation who sit for exams after exams which may not mean anything to them in the end as the grades do not reflect well, in more ways than one? is it then right to condemn dropouts or deviants, even if they are self-motivated and are inspired and ambitious? sim wong hoo is but only 1 in 4 million. so what happens to the other 3.999999999 million? fortunately, ITE has been repackaged and sold as a more appealing dish to the world. but why only when there is a need now and not before when the prevailing mindset was "Is The End"? and how many people still stigmatise the Institute, as a result of pre-conceived notions due to education or shall i say, mis-education? the evils of misconcceptions are many.

As george orwell puts across in 1984, nothing in the world is fair for if everything is fair then why should a majority listen to the a select group of people who govern? structures would collapse and anarchy would result. i say that it's more like an equilibrium, with pressures sometimes causing the forward or backward reaction to go at a greater rate than the other, sometimes at such a perceptible rate that alarms are raised. Vagaries in the weather? it could be just capricious mother nature. who knows, it may be THE natural progression and nothing we can do will reverse it. Protests, sanctions, constructive engagement? it all began with the struggle within onself. Just because i dun subscribe to smoking doesnt mean that i have to tell all whom i see not to smoke. education is good and great. just take away all the subjectivity that has accumulated over the years into a hardened layer at the bottom of the cauldron. oh and always taste the soup regularly to adjust the taste to fit the palate. we never know when a dash of salt or pepper may come in handy.

I was at Yishun stadium today when i saw this uncle in his 50s (i guess...probably older) and he striked a friendly conversation with me. Lo and behold, he has already ran 40 laps(!!!) and claims that he can still hit a timing of 9-10 min for his 2.4km run. nothing to be sceptical about. that's what i call inspiration.

Was happily sauntering towards parco bugis from NLB when my group decided to have dinner. and we walked past Chilli Padi Cafe, the famous Park Lane Fried Wanton Mee and ended up in between Yu Kee Duck Rice and Tong Sheng Coffeeshop. Horror of horrors, i dont know what possessed us to go ahead into tong sheng coffeshop, under the auspices of 2lt ho teck hon, who had dinner there once on the 2nd floor (airconditioned and aptly named "TS Cafe") and even had TV to boot. every dish that we ordered turned out wrong: the minced chicken noodles, fried wanton noodles AND shredded chicken noodles were actually pepper noodles, which were actually more chewy than licorice srings. The only variables were the type of toppings that were added, futile in masking the overpowering taste of pepper and chilli. The lor mee was too watery and the noodles harder than over-baked cookies. and the sliced fish soup was well, fishy. Overall rating: XXXXX out of *****. Never ever in your right mind go there, unless u are trying to impress (in the literal sense) a date whom you know you dont want to see again. FYI, it's just next to Yu Kee Duck Rice opposite parco Bugis MOS burger. No wonder Sir didnt order from the menu. i guess the food there suited the palates of other people, whom apparently didnt order what we ordered but generous helpings of bigger than thou siew mais, which i think would have been wonderful if they came straight from Yum Cha. but no matter, the coffeeshop is officially no.1 on my blacklist and will be for eternity.

A pious man explained to his followers: "It is evil to take lives and noble to save them. Each day I pledge to save a hundred lives. I drop my net in the lake and scoop out a hundred fishes. I place the fishes on the bank, where they flop and twirl. 'Don't be scared,' i tell those fishes. 'i am saving you from drowning.' Soon enough, the fishes grown calm and lie still. et, sad to say, i am always too late. The fishes expire. And because it is evil to waste anything, i take those dead fishes to market and i sell them for a good price. With the money i receive, i buy more nets so i can save more fishes." - Anonymous.

Adapted from Saving Fish From Drowning by Amy Tan

At first i didnt make head or tail of that. In fact, i found it quite ludicrous. Only till later on in the book did i find out that it's all about perspectives. Who's saved? Who's not? Be aware of the consequences. Killing as an inevitable consequence of helping. How in your face...

A certain enlistee of mine claimed to have family problems and insisted that he book in the following day. as even my pc couldnt ascertain whether it was a genuine case and IMO i seriously doubted it (so wad if the accused has mentioned it before, i dont care), he was given the benefit of the doubt AND the privilege to book in the next day. conniving slut. i strongly suspected he had a wild nights out and booked in the next day, smug that he had outsmarted the system. even the cos said that he was not at home when called. or perhaps he was indeed at home, consoling his mom. but seriously, too many coincidences make a pattern. too many patterns make a scam! and when he booked in the next day, there was a perfectly orchestrated accident whereby the accused suffered a fall which resulted in swollen feet larger than pigs' trotters, alleged the COS. oh wadever. seems like the confinement will have to wait. or i shld make it a forefeiture of days off. since he will have att c to cover the off days anw.

A: What time i book in tml?
B: wad tmr? tonight 2200.
A: i thot you said mon half day off. cannot anyhow change one lo. anw i MA tmr
B: your off is in oct. i didnt anyhow change. the forecast has been up in the bunk for a long time. wad time where which clinic?
A: Since i ma tmr might as well let me clear half day tmr. 1030
B: ok so u book in tonight tmr leave at 0830.
A: that time i MA 11 N also nvr ask me to book in. anw u think i alot of money in and out like that?
B: im jus following OC's instructions. Off must be 3 days in advance. MA after 1000 must book in the night before.
A: Alright.
(a short while later)
A: B...i twisted my hand...am going to see doctor now. update you later.
.
.
.
A:I took 2 days mc...for my hand..
B: Okay.

Clearly A must be checked on with care and concern from tmr onwards at 2 hr intervals since he is susceptible to twisted feet, hands and anywhere else with joints in that overnourished body. If A suffered from a broken ankle for more than half a year and is now dealing with the debilitating aftermath, B strongly suggests that A check into a hospice. palliative care would do wonders rather than curative medication. A couldnt even understand simple english to provide the type of, place and clinic of appointment so im not surprised that B asked A to report back as usual and leave the following day given the desperately lacking argument, despite seeming somewhat...unfeeling. so A cleverly informs B that he was reporting sick for his "twisted hand" (mind more likely) and was rewarded with 2 days of MC. and B thinks that he has money enough to splurge on MCs but not enough to travel to and from place of duty.

B also faces C, who was kindly granted stay out status but required to get the official documentation in place. but he has kindly taken the kindness for granted and threatened his immediate supervisor with foolish acts. B wishes that he'd try AND SUCCEED. or at the very least get a sentence that's worth 20 summers in the utopia where food, water, shelter and even recreational activities are catered for. C has kindly skipped pre-arranged counselling sessions on 030807 and 070907 and has yet to account for his MIA status on both days. It is alleged that C has also yet to produce the relevant documents covering his absence on 120907 and some days in the same year which are too numerous to mention. from C's POV, perhaps he's a hero who dares to stand against the system. perhaps B should commend C for his bravery but we all know that martyrs, no heroes, die young. epecially heroes with rotten attitudes, like C.

I deeply empathise with B, who doesnt know who is the lesser evil, A or C. to investigate would constitute a waste of taxpayers' money and sap too much energy which should be spent on other more productive things. not to mention the cesspit of lies that were spouted and nefarious acts of deceit that were performed that would be discovered upon further probing. and the resulting sense of disappoinment. or would it be a moment of vindication? i wonder...

you see, society, in this case doctors, professionals whom society in general hold in high regard, also has a role to play, and obviously parents who should at least PRETEND to be interested in their children's activities. not just institutions. doctors indeed, who'd dispense that coveted ticket to idleness for a mere...20 bucks? that's why i always say morals are cheap when you can trade them for 2 red notes.

I wish B the best of luck in dealing with A and C. B is going to need it. or perhaps B will read in the papers one of these daystheir premature demise or shameful deeds exposed ala bad-girls-gone-wild-hollywood style, with sensational embellishment by the local top selling tabloid.

and we all wonder why society is imperfect.

Course was a bore. really. other than nightly escapades to rocky hill and digging for crspy tofu, it was more of going through a motion. more so for us common phasers.

on a brighter note, i passed SOC. no more SOC for the rest of my life! whoever invented this must be rotting in hell right now. heard from S1 that for specialists to convert to officers, SOC timing must be preferably ~ 0830. old fogeys. oh well, not that i care but it's rather ludicrous.

aug has come and gone. and i think sep will pass equally fast, if not faster, with all that off and leave clearing. i really cant see the value of off and leave anymore, not at a time of lull. perhaps it was more valuable when we had more things on our hands, but responsibility stood in my way of clearing it. now it has greatly depreciated, ala the NS financial crisis. if someone offers me $50 for a day of off or leave, i'd gladly sell all 24 days and more after HR audits.:) 2 more mths before i shift again and wad then? i think i will be boredddd to nothingness...i think i have a warped sense of satisfaction in getting things out of the way, all the mini, easy-to-handle-but-terribly-tedious stuff. if only i had been full time admin...

The weeks after atec have been miserably uneventful. kinda like being in a limbo with no concrete goals and not having enough meaningful tasks. even when clearing off other people are still in camp so options are clearly limited. Despite this, i got played out on a monday when, after waiting miserably for a whole sunday and monday morning, wham and bang! i got a msg ard noon which said that the person was "feeling sian and was postponing the movie". spoken like a true member of royalty. but he turned up for a dinner with other likewise fleet-footed members. quite the socialite eh? i dare say he must have gone on a secret rendezvous with his newfound object of desire and forgot all about me but still found the energy after his clandetine liason to meet up with rsm and co. sly fox. i will never forget someone who has wasted my day off.
B / B, if you noe wad i mean.
forgive...maybe. and u still ask for 2 bottles of facial wash?

the mini gathering on wed was pretty gd. and the desserts at ricciotti were only too good to be true, at half price after 2100hrs. the only bump that evening was this abhorrent man at Harry's@esplanade who demanded that we all order a drink each orl...well, get out. Good serivce...it's a long way to go. Nowhere else have i heard of such an absurd rule. how condescending...

The national day hype this year was greater than previous years and i took the chance to soak in the atmosphere of patriotism. even though i cant say that i have devoted myself fully to the cause of this miraculous island, i have an unquestionablee loyalty to what this tiny red dot represents, all things good and bad. There cant possibly be good without bad, is there? perhaps it's the passing of the years or a subtle paradigm shift, but ive felt as if our country is being liberated bit by bit. sure, change doesnt happen overnight or the push to equilibrium will result in a tumultous revolution but the tiny processes over time have added up. it took 3-4 generations to get to where we are; perhaps another 3-4 generations later our outlook would be drastically different, with different issues to tackle as people come and go. as people grow wiser and more sprout from the success of their predecessors, hopefully we remain visionary enough to blaze our way into the future of limitless possibilities.

Movie outing today was a TOTAL flop. the only good thing was the visit to the Chan brother's encore travel fare at suntec. good old tribalism still prevails in this day and age. AI vs TK. sometimes things dont make sense but they still occur. anw, next time i shall be swift and decisive and tyranny. so wad if it was a foreign film, which it wasnt in the first place? im sure uve more than a flea brain to read the subs. totally made my blood boil. lame excuses...from the one who played me out. haiz. hurtful. more likely another case of B / B. and so we decided on knocked up at 1530 cos of teddy's hectic schedule for the day, which called for audiences with many people. alas, fate wasnt on our side and the show was sold out even before we set foot at the box office. in future, just watch what i want to watch, period. "Big Brother is always right, all hail BB" sometimes we just need some of that to overcome the weaknesses of democracy amd sensitivity. =) and the day culminated in the the physical and emotional abandonment of yours truly by 1800 hrs. to think i spent a sleepless night trying to get things together. the more the expectation, the greater the fall. i just dont get it. but im vindictive so i'll be fine...eventually.

Meeting with the EL guys and mrtan today was great...less the pathetic portions. moved from Big O at wheelock to dome at shaw house to the AIRPORT! great cos its gd to see how everyone has moved on..well, not like i havent seen them for a long time but yeah...some things still never change. but mrtan has lost wt, which is good. 15kgs he said, run 4 times a day, 30 min each time. no sodas ie, watch your diet. yep. pity wendy couldnt make it, but that's for another time then huh?

been having visions of me failing at the hands of the cruel, nit-picking TP Pract test assessor. cold, hard eyes behind those "obiang" shades with an equally sadistic sneer on his face, gnarled hands eagerly crossing out all my faults, major and minor, on the assessment checklist(this is so NS), eyebrows twitching at every movement for both man and machine. and finally handing over an abjectly abysmal results slip and $150 down the drain. (somehow AJ comes to mind cos he's someone i know who has most recently flopped a test and it's cos of nit-picking...) there, ive envisaged myself to fail on the first try. way to go!

been waking up at 3 - 4 am in the morning nowadays and feeling really sad and weird, like ive just had a bad dream but never really remembering what happened in the dreams. bad mental state... someone prescribe a counsellor please. oh dear, im sure you-know-who is reading this. please declare me unfit to serve. love you lots PLUS hugs and kisses. HAHAHAHA. take that.

I ENJOYED block leave but all good things must come to an end. And mine did prematurely yesterday, when i was called back for vehicle servicing. Nvm how gd Kbox on mond, nuaing at home on tues, imsum, simpsons and crazy elephant on wed were, it all ended with the msg on wed aft, "tmr come back by 12 noon to service veh. tell yhour drivers too." that was halfway thru dim sum and suddenly they all tasted like they had only just been thawed.

So despite all the dread, teddy and i registered for our BTT at SSDC on thurs morning. Despite many concerns on whether to go public or not, we just decided that heck, just get on with the theory first. practical can always wait...or can it? haha.

then i went back to camp for the dreaded servicing. had to break track and swop the inner sprockets with the outer ones, for BOTH sides. horror of horrors. So i did it. and towards the end, i managed to graze my broken finger against the teeth and poof, there goes 2 weeks of natural healing and everything under came gushing out like water behing a dam. and the MO at tengah said, due to the crushing laceration nature of the wound, i'd be permanently damaged. oh wells. now that OC has banned me from 2 mths of servicing, hopefully that wont happen again? perhaps thats the only gd thing from all this cos im now flu-and-feverish, no less thanks to the haze and exhaust and dirt and what not back in SGC. bummer* darn wallaby, giving us trouble that is really not our problem at all. im sure all us nsfs would have had our fair share but this is one time that i really think is not worth it cos we are damn proficient in the stuff alr and those in 41 shld come and practise their OM course modules!

Utterly cooped up at home today, thanks to oc again for excusing me from ARR. :S Been reading "ties that bind", the read! 2007 compilation. nicely showcases the intricacis of all human relationships under the sun. the kind that makes you reflect on yourself. definitely not for those who dislike long-winded discourse or cutting, poignant observations. but i need to improve my rapidly decaying chinese. am taking forever to plough through a 30-something page chinese short story in the book. argh. and i want to read the compendium of plays that mark was reading (and im holding u to my 40% discount). and mz recommends the alchemist. that should last all the way to ORD. okay there.

Block leave now. but im feeling truly bored...and broke. Camp's good, because there's always something to do and i dont have to pay for my meals but dreadful too, which we all know why. Humans, no those who live outside poverty, are hard to please. period.

Let's face it. Transition to CV....there's no such thing cos there's no return to the point of not knowing. This knowledge of evil eroded our innocence. We are in too long, too deep. No matter what we do, we'll always be tainted as such. Dont think that ORD is the end - Big Brother is omniscient. Time can only dilute, not dispel this darkness. But it's not all bad. At least i know how disgusting people can be. Not to mention names but they happen to be recalcitrant malingerers, who buy and extend MCs such that they spend what? 1/10 or even none of their time in camp. and who brandy "medical review" and "excuse everything(namely stay-in, footwear, limbs, sunlight, uniform, sweat and every part of the body u can think of) as a shield to deflect the onslaught of arrows that is part and parcel of life in camp. so that everyone else is shot except themselves. Compulsive liars who claim that they are too sick to endorse their MCs, only to be partying away into the wee hours of the morning and become fit as a fiddle when it serves their hedonistic interests. They blatantly disregard orders and rules, flagrantly flouting all of them, making everyone else look like big fools. Im sure that no one likes to be put under such regimentation so how come you cant sacrifice abit sometimes? why must we always give in to you? How self-absorbed is that? If it's possible, i hope that people like that can be locked away in some camp. forever. "it's horrible; i can't imagine forever."

I think my expenditure has spiralled out of control and that im plunging into debt. well not exactly debt but not enough savings. Must be more prudent from now on. hehe. The GSS is evil; boycott it. Which reminds me, i need a job urgently! can start in 4 months time. Recommendations, anyone?

Soemone give me something to do.

atec 2's finally over but not without alot of drama ard it though. shldnt have tried to pull the tow shackle while ramping up. big mistake. shld have just let the tow shackle be twisted instead of my index. OC says that my finger was picked from the trash. haha. and it was most traumatising for ks and me. bt it's not ur fault ok? i called you to ramp up.

so after 3 stitches (disclaimer: no bones, tendons or underlying structures were hurt in the process of filming) and something else that im not at liberty to say lest i get lihongi-ed(names have been changed to protect minors; who knows who's reading this), i went out for stage 2, much to hengq's relieve. Just ask joel, who was 39Z for 1 night. =P but i was very grateful for hengq's company for mission 1 at least. and downloading of rds. the 2 missions for our cbt tm were pretty hum-drum affairs and were quite different from what we were normally used to. well at least there was no opportunity to do naturally camou so im not complaining. but oc was definitely not at ease.

then just as we were about to roll up north for the last mission, my vehicle generator caught fire. erupted in flames lietrally. haha that was a first and i wasnt feeling too panicky. but i briefly imagined the vehicle going up in a spectacular show of fireworks. so after a series of events which i shall not bother to mention becos i have already narrated to 2 gps of 'investigators', i returned to camp a good 12-13 hrs before everyone else. Having no rush to dismount the mind-blowing amount of PE, TES, OVM, wpns, signals, optics and ammo, we finished everything by ~0430 hrs before proceeding to wash up and proceeded to the cookhouse for our first hot breakfast in 3 days. hehe. it was gd to be able to be spread across 2 beds and be the only one in the bunk, under the fan, knowing that i was safely ensconced by pillows and blankets while there was an ABG out there courageously and valiantly staging a magnificent show of force for the dedicated defence of our nation. :)

so sleep till 10 i did and then proceeded with the rest of the S&M routine. when everyone else returned and i was in admin, it felt as if i didnt really roll out with them. perhaps i just was not meant for this ex. but i was already exuberant as the pinnacle of yr 2 was over. ppl still ask why i volunteered to go and it's like...i trudged for so long and couldnt just turn away when i had my turn at the water point. now that only bothersome admin's left, i guess we can really take it easy.

am looking forward to DSD tmr. hopefully it'll be as gd as the last times that i caught them. pretty upset though that i couldnt get to watch HP 5 this wkend. spoilers are sure to abound back in camp. o h well.

Went to NDP `07 preview with eric today. i think the last time i went to NDP preview was in sec 4, with voodoo. quite a surprise back then, but what's done is done. it's the first time that NDP's held at the waterfront this year so i'd thot that it'd be worth watching. But...

The pre-parade segment was kinda hum-drum. The performers looked really tiny on the stage and the magnifications on-screen were not much better. If i couldnt really see from where i was sitting, i wonder what people at the ends of the gallery saw. the ripples on the bay maybe? and the hosts tried really hard to get the spirits up but then it wasnt going according to plan. maebe cos it's not the real thing or maebe it's just people like us. or just maebe it's a uniquely singaporean trait to be...inhibited. it's a public place after all and being typically asian, singaporeans are a pretty self-conscious lot dont you think?

The parade still needs a lot more work. The supporting contingents couldnt keep to the beat and the mark time looked really messy. Im not surprised since even the Air Force GOH contingent also had one person out of sync. Quoting eric, "bird-droppings!" surely the girl guides could march better than that.

And as a tribute to 40 years of gd ol' NS, there was a momentary glimpse into the operational prowess of each service of the armed forces, SPF and SCDF. 10 years ago (in P5 that is), i'd have been wowed beyond words. But having operated in one of those showcase pcs, i really cant say the same. or maebe 10 yrs is enough to feel jaded and sceptical / cynical. you choose.

Last but not least, the traditional mass display. truthfully i have never been a fan of mass displays but this yr's seems to be exceptionally corny. Especially so when you proclaim to be the elements of nature and when the beauty of water is exhorted beyond bearable limits. and it's well-known that we are a tiny island with no natural resources so how did we ever tap into the richness of nature? Exaggeration has got to have it's limits especially on National TV. other than the "cute starfish" (only so becos they are blur pri sch children and children will always be forgiven), a fiery number with prancing felines and fireslingers, and the sing-and-dance items by kit chan and taufik batisah (at least i thot it was him) the rest were lost on me.

I must say that the routine works of parachuting men and women, diving bombers, hovering choppers proved to be more of a visual spectacle than specially contrived war-of-the-worlds wannabes. The change in venue was refreshing, making good use of the soothing view of the bay hugging the CBD on the right and sheares bridge looming on the left. And more importantly it was much more cooling than at the national stadium. the water potential (no pun intended) was optimised, if not a bit overdone.
but generally i liked what i saw.

The fireworks display again never failed to seal the evening, this time even more spectacular than usual with the bright skyline of our CBD in the backdrop. Part of the fireworks were even seen going off on top of one of the skyscrapers. i wish that i could capture that particular space and time, every fleeting instant that didnt last and every pc of burning metal that eventually fizzled before hitting the ground. i wish that we can have fireworks every night. ST Eng shld invent 75mm and 30mm fireworks rds instead of higher firepower and lethality all the time.

A gd deal of effort must have been strained out of all involved but thankfully it's a month more till the actual day and the brains have that much more time to work on that which leaves much to be desired... hopefully the history of singapore will prove to be as gd as, if not better, than the previous years cos the ticket prices definitely increased. IF it were $18 each i'd have been able to get more ppl to go wouldnt i? hmm. no matter, im sure that i'll enjoy it. and i did try to share the love with other people. dont say that i didnt try.

These 2 weeks have been rather uneventful...like mundane. at least it's better than frantic rushes for nothing. Life's gd if you dont get calls every minute. :)

K Box was....rather expensive to say the least. but it was enjoyable while it lasted. but my larynx gave up pretty early. and a pity Ks had to leave so early n yb couldnt make it.... mz can sing pretty well, in contrast to ys' mumbling haha oops, i'll pretend that i dunno who's reading this. i wonder wad cs sounds like... and i am now convinced that my chi has gone with the wind. confused many trad. chi characters. haiz. but i liked the melancholic songs better than the sappy boy-meets-girl-girl-meets-boy-happy-together songs. more soulful? i dont know. but no one seemed interested in eng songs. ah well.

This post's kinda rushed cos it's 15 min before i mus leave the house. argh. prep for atec in the coming week hopefully there's less things to worry about this time round. and hopefully there's something to post abt next time.

I still havent got used to the fact that my cousin, 4 yrs older than me, has gotten married. Yesterday was the first time i was called Uncle, as in relative uncle. and somehow it made me feel really old and nostalgic all at once. Some time ago, i was like them, uninhibitedly expressing all my needs, wants, thoughts and fears and giggling at the slightest things. Childlike innocence i'd call it, that has simply but gone from me...or has it? and the adults would either pander to every whim OR give a certain disapproving stare. but they will be forgiven cos they are children. Grown-ups on the other hand are more self-conscious, inhibited by the need to maintain a modicum of decorum as they are seen to be more mature and hence charged with responsibilities. and we are expected to know how to react, or rather, act in certain situations, almost like a TYS to life. TCH! and i dont like that. It's stifling, unnatural, almost like living with Big Brother. or perhaps im just not a person to freely express myself - it's a curse.

Nevertheless i enjoyed the addition of jovis and jovan to the family. Ever since my aunt first died 10 years ago and my grandmother last yr, i've nvr felt like that again, such exuberance and carefree attitude. it's contagious, especially when they were recounting scenes from shrek 3 (which was a million times better than zodiac and i STILL REMEMBER, tyvM). Childlike innocence cant be gotten from many nowadays. When the toys that you play mean so much to you that you'd give a dollar to someone who'd fix it for you, even though a dollar probably means the world to you at a time when pocket money was given in coins or at most purple notes. and the most ironic part is that a dollar could be inconsequential to the adult that you are asking to fix the toy, for he could spend more trying to fix or replace it. and all that is represented by the colossal dollar.

jovis tried to imitate me eating ice and i thought i taught her the bad thing. jovan looked kinda crushed when i said i cant wear the shrek mask into camp, which i put on despite them squealing in fear that the rubber band may break. and jovan asked to come to my house, which i remembered doing too when i met someone that i liked and back then it was my cousins. It's refreshing, such really pure and innocent encounters, unlike the self-proclaimed jian hong-esque ones. but perhaps i havent seen the full story yet. same old cynicism kicking in. wadever.

Went to visit malarial andy yesterday, when i saw bottles of liquid bubbles on display at his shop. Right then i had the urge to pluck out those plastic tips and blow through them, visualising the many bubbles that would form. But propriety got the better of me and i placed back the bottle into its original position... it's been so long since i last blew or saw bubbles. and right after that a little boy walked past, leaving a rainbow bubble in his wake. i miss the bubble-blowing days. life was much simpler and i didnt have 1001 qns all the time. the bubbles break when disturbed, just as quickly and easily as they evolve from the plastic straws.

Zodiac gave pretty bad indigestion fell asleep twice (and i didnt do so in born into brothels, when i had watched pirates 3 earlier that day). I dont know why the reviewers gave it 4.5*s. personally, it wasnt even worth 2 stars. obssessive-compulsive behaviour, infecting both the cartoonist and the serial kliler didnt make for a riveting film. shld have persuaded everyone else to watch infamous...or shrek 3! it's all my fault....or rather the one who believed that 4.5 stars was worth watching, you know who you are stop acting blur! im not retarded, so shut it! =S

enjoyed the light-hearted moments in shrek, even though some themes were pretty much corny and trite but at least they are easier to relate to and real. Nice to relive fairy tales and to know what happens after happily-ever-after. All things nice, cute and cuddly makes such a good break for the "event should diplomacy and deterrence fail, to secure a swift and decisive victory." Cartoons and animations are DifferenT and it's not a waste of money to watch it in the cinema. period. mm, Ratatouille looks gd. Jus like movies, not any ol' animation's gd. for eg, look at "legend of the sea". i shall not bother to elaborate.

who wants to watch infamous? i think the run's ending....:(

After i did the MyORD package, ive come to realise that my NS unit will be different from everyone else. They'll be called back to service even while in the IHL stage while im rotting in faraway land. That basically means i'll be set back by 4 ICTs AND i'll have to know & work with new people...from scratch. and i hate it. not that i mind missing the creatures but then again creatures are the same whereever i go so i'd rather stick to the old ones. at least i have an inkling of what makes them tick....i'll miss all my fellow tamers. i hope i'll be put in the same NS unit. but judging from the absolutely abysmal MyORD, i can only be optimistically pessimistic at best. perhaps OC or S1 can do something abt that? but who am i kidding? we are merely gears in the grand design, which would not malfunction if some of it's parts get chipped or worn out.

Im not ready to leave 20 yrs behind and start elsewhere. i cant bring it all with me so what will i bring? I knew it'd come to this and still i went ahead with it. It'll be stupid to stop everything now cos the only thing between now and that is time. I dont want to come back and see someone from my past and feel the good many years that i missed. or perhaps i wont feel that way becos i'll have a gd 4 years out there. ask the trees which have been plucked from their nurseries and transplanted into our beautifully engineered roads and boulevards. would we really know how they feel? this is my crisis, i'll deal with it, like i always have. i want to do this but i dont know how. someone will tell me. but what, i dont know. someone will bestow me strength but they'll be leeched so dry that there wont be bones left. i feel bound by what has been and what will be. that's why now matters. and im not retarded, so shut it.

It was a short week. And yet there's so much unhappiness. especially when some try not do their jobs and pretend that no one will find out. like an ostrich. or try to escape from reality or cannot prioritise. when will i get out of such........swamps. and when i find out, i get depression. you read correct. d-e-p-r-e-s-s-i-o-n. and i start to think of evil things. :D and then i think of those who don't deserve it but they are really just a minority. 1-for-all and all-for-1.

some things and people just make my day but SOME things and people... cause it to sour just as quickly. i think im getting too emotional too easily. and it's not very good when ally mcbeal-esque situations start invading my mind. definitely not desirable but sometimes, that's what some people deserve, alright.

sometimes i wished i had a group of KOS-MOSes. so that i dont have to bother explaining or trying to enforce basic, routine stuff to reluctant, disillusioned, disgruntled, misguided, self-denying sloths who sleep their lives away. so that i can not suffer wide fluctuations in mental waves, hormonal levels and nervous impulses. i shall try to be more imprevious to such afflictions. but im human too. i can only try to be positive.

The world is full of love, warmth and everything good. all of it just eludes a particular corner of SGC. =)

Course has ended. This respite from the stifling reaches of coyline was indeed refreshing. and i enjoyed knowing the people that ive met from 41 and ati... dont think i'll have much chance of working or seeing them in the near future. oh wells, life is such a bitch. at least i still have those in coyline to torment haha wadever.

At World's End was so-so. perhaps that is becos i didnt catch both prequels, but at least i could make out the plot and the scenes were not too bad. aome parts were pretty witty too. Just couldnt understand why Becket(is that how we spell it?) didnt fire the cannons in the end.....THe same cant be said for born into brothels, where the footage was somewhat raw and rather disjoint. perhaps that's becos it's a documentary but still, i feel that it's highly overrated. i cant see how, after all zana had done to help the children get into boarding school, only 1 choose to remain and the other 2 choose to run away. and some were not even allowed to go. How utterly un-inspiring and down-lifting. Awareness it has raised, but along with it depression and pessimism more than inspiration and courage. i didnt get it. perhaps ive become...insensitive?

Next would be Infamous and Shrek 3. Failed to convince ppl to watch the former and the latter is yet to be released. Feeling absolutely bored between shows. need to occupy myself with something. life is somewhat...bland.

The last week in camp must have been the most relaxed for the last 7 months. Time flies when you are having fun. or should i say, when im a trainee cos everything has been planned nicely for me and the plan rarely changes. No need to worry about this that and all the other things in coy line. and i can relax after office hours, which is most of the time after dinner, save tests and night lectures. Though i do feel kinda bad that i cant help in certain things when im away....but i cant be sorry for all the evil in the world. HAA.

Cant take my eyes off You

You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.
You'd be like Heaven to touch.
I wanna hold you so much.
At long last love has arrived
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

Pardon the way that I stare.
There's nothing else to compare.
The sight of you leaves me weak.
There are no words left to speak,
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

I love you, baby,
And if it's quite alright,
I need you, baby,
To warm a lonely night.
I love you, baby.
Trust in me when I say:
Oh, pretty baby,
Don't bring me down, I pray.
Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay
And let me love you, baby.
Let me love you.

reminds me of a live performance by daniel waaaay back. :D Kinda summarises the past week for me hehe. but it wont be here to stay. ahwells. now im afraid i cant adjust back to hectic schedules. and stage 1 lurks at the back of my mind...

2nd lion specialist birthday for the month and probably the 2nd this year. all of us are young and naive and easily bullied. by creatures. that's for sure. HAHA. it's a love-hate relationship.

Priceless was a pretty witty show. first time i watched something in french and having only subtitles to rely on was pretty irksome, but i still enjoyed it. and i enjoyed having carl's jr with bernie, who among many other things, suggested that i extend ORD to go to wallaby with him. 1 more R&R. sounds not too bad. and that we should emphatise with the saf personnel in taiwan who had planes hurtling towards them. :( and i enjoyed walking around the shops at VIvo looking at all the things that i couldnt afford. and thankfully it was before "priceless". and i enjoyed having great porridge and tim sum at maxwell. and i enjoyed piquing mark's curiosity about something that he shouldnt really know but wants to know and getting him all peeved. but the night ended too shortly. should have just gone for a drink as suggested but i was too lazy and warm and whatnot. :(

i cant do all these tmr again becos i have to rtu and course starts on mon.... and no one will want to do these things on a book-in mothers' day. wadever. over-hyped commercial holidays. and L.C.HEW smsed me a mothers' day msg. i dont know what to say.

The last week has been absolutely...slack. range, recce, slack slack slack. and several clandestine ops at night. felt kinda bad leaving the "kids" behind but i've concluded that i shouldnt bother so much cos it's not worth it. but that has left my tired and groggy for many days. i endeavour to stay more alert and squeeze in more things during working hours.

the calm before the storm. listening to him rattle on and on about next 2 wk's program, im suddenly glad that im on course. cept that i have to come back at night for remedial...:(

and i mus remind myself not to bother changing duties for other people anymore, if they cannot find their own replacements. it's like im bringing it upon myself. eternal punishment - repent and atone for you sins. bribery makes the world go round. pt proven: 人之初，性本贱. absolutely abysmal. i hope history doesnt repeat itself.

Stunning revelations... All the best to the Big Cats next week(s). hehe.

tired. but anything beats camp. really.

i keep letting the slightest of things spoil my day. whatever. certain people should just vanish from the face of the earth.

sometimes, no matter how much i try, i am unable to get people to do things. "duty" has to be redefined; it is now an "incentivised" word. oh well. honour and obligations cannot withstand the onslaught of freedom and escapism. we live in a world where "...convictions crumble upon the slightest provocation." some people just make things look so simple. sometimes, i wish i didnt stick to some ideals and principles - everthing-and-anything-goes would be much easier. sometimes, i wish that emotions and relationships are not-existent - they are transient anyway.

im bored. i dont think there's that much admin to do tmr. need to look for more things to do.

Is it too much to demand that everyone be on time to go for breakfast together, do what they are supposed to do without reminders and not sleep whenever possible? if u have areas to clean from 0615 to 0730 and servicing at 0700, dont sleep from 0600 to 0650 and ONLY wake up then, when shouted at by the CDS, to do cleaning and forsake servicing. perhaps sleeping in on sat and sun would clear the mind.... I'm not asking for them to preempt what needs to be done (even thought that's a "nice to have"). Why cant we do things based on our own set of values and beliefs and not say, "others never do wad, we do for what?". Therefore, are YOU others, or are YOU, you? Why must we always let "others" restrict our actions? IS it so unreasonable to demand for routine which is supposed to be done daily? Is there a need to constantly remind people? No one will remind me to pay my bills on time! 2nd year, adults....indeed! stop making demands if you cannot fulfill your most basic duties. if that's the case, what can you do? be a burden? stop wasting the resources on this overtaxed Earth..... He was right, it IS hard to do what is right.

"Others" or "other people" are such VULGARITIES!

IF i can do better, why not? Is it becos there is no sense of ownership or pride? There's no need to do things for show but it's only for our own good that everything is serviceable and ready so that we can use them with ease whenever we want to. Why wouldn't anyone understand that? (speaking of which OC and PCs should be grateful for L VCs. Stepped into no. 63619 today, lo and behold, my foot was immersed in oily water boot deep. and the parking brake wasnt engaged. and the steering obviously was loose, hello VC / drv wad are YOU tHInking!?) does it require superhuman effort to remove the seats and clear the cage so that the vehicle and cage can be better swept and the materials can be PROPERLY COUNTED and examined? if i had to do everything again myself, why would i need to tell you what to do first? so that i can learn from your mistakes and not commit the same?!? i'll say if my instructions weren't clear but i dont believe that the power of expression of all 23 of us are EQUALLY bad!

area cleaing is for our own good. hygiene and health among other things like pleasantness and...morale. if u do it daily, there'd be no mad rush at the end of the wk, prior to going home. I am going to call you back on saturday someday, just you wait. we'll see how you like that. what am i to say when you choose sleep over hygiene and end up with millions of MCs and MAs? if i want to do something, i'd like it to be thorough. im not being fastidious, it's necessary. dont patronise me by CARESSING the window panes with newspaper!

like it or not, responsibility is thrusted on you the moment u entered this establishment. if not for others, then for yourself. as the driver, if i cannot look for you to do up your vehicle, then who do i look for? myself? if you'd like to shirk responsibility and rather stay up to fiddle with that convoluted console everyday, then dont bother asking for pay and rank increments when YOU DONT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE OF IT ALL. the world isnt all about money! or maybe it is...im sure you cant last one week in my shoes! being without initiative and having to be reminded, pushed, shoved all the time...to think i was once in that rank. what a terrible insult. besmirching the name of all those with that rank!

if our term of service is just 2 years, and what we do is inconsequential, why dont you try getting charged? it's INCONSEQUENTIAL anyway. if you cannot do things right in these 2 years and these things can be done by ANY moron, what makes YOu think you can do ANYthing at all? stop demanding for more respect when you clearly dont know how to give it yourself. how about trying to EARN it? and stop running to places which you deem have more system but have actually LESS work cos that's what? slacking? i dont know. "oh, life has been miserable for me since i got posted here". Get a life! paradigm shift, change your mindset. well...we are HQ too, you know. your mates have been leading and coping perfectly well with "this kind of life" for the past year now so shuddup and deal with it. running away clearly throws the spotlight in your direction.

it has been a year since i first sworn that creed, "to ensure... discipline... AND ...mission readiness." Clearly, THEY are obstructing my path, for example, not filling their bottles before moving out! Clearly, someone didnt ensure. heh. But it is ok. i must do something about that, even if it means being branded a heretic. "I will overcome adversity, with my fighting spirit." i will definitely outlive and outlast YOU. like what certain buffoons used to say every dumb ol' water parade, "...with pride we roar....right the wrong...win the war!". lets see more of that, shall we?

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

It's been another long week... without janmeet too. Dont be too sorry dear, cos you volunteered to take on all the rest of HQ's duties. haha but there's no more for the rest of 4NTM!!! you can volunteer for future CDS duties.

Should have nvr understudied ammo ic. now i got to be tootsy ammo sorter when the rest went outfield this time. haiz. no wonder ppl say that it's not good to know too much - they'll just exploit you: Guard comd, ammo ic, pds, "help with this (and that)". wadever. but it doesnt seem as bad as when it was initially. maebe becos the work's more spread now. speaking of which i'd better get more involved in OM tasks. feeling very...inadequate now. on the other hand, am feeling rather accomplished at having filled in HQ's 235A and finding all the missing dates, sending emails and settling admin on all matters from promotions, birthday celebrations (talk abt welfare and morale), to the more mundane area cleaning and uniform accessories, convincing BSO to grant 24 OA access and complain about spoilt comps and monitors, planned next month's duty forecast -no, im not sorry at all for planning weekend duties cos i just did Saturday. HAH! better u than me, rite? someone remind me to include the G2IC / 3IC pts. forgot yesterday night or rather, this morning. long term VS adhoc, i ask for your understanding.

Speaking of duties, was guard comd this morning when i walked into the shed at abt 0244 hrs. Lo and behold, my sentry was sound asleep and feeling absolutely mischievious, i took the rifle and locked it in cupboard 2. Suspected they knew when i told the prowler to switch with the sentry at 0304 but no they didn want to approach me. They approached weijian first and only woke me at 0445 (45 min into my only bit of sleep, tyvm) when they still couldnt recover it. the people one blames when things go missing - BDO, BOS, all the COS, even poor ol' gan who wasnt even in camp, but could have cabbed into ulu pandan SGC to stun the rifle and go back! :D weijian said the tension was palpable when i declared that CSM would have to be informed of the matter. cruel i noe, but i had a hard time maintaining a poker face. Drama training paid off. not knowing how to end the whole affair, i jus returned the rifle and all returned to normal, as if nothing happened. oh well, i cant bear to make them sign 3 wkend confinements. but i earned myself a slave in the process. not a bad deal, haha.

after the recent spate of events, it is concluded that coy morale is non-existent. poor sy pls dun get too depressed. (i noe u'll be reading this sooner or later). perhaps that's the reason of the unusually early book out last friday. am absolutly proud that hq made it to the top of the list, even though they finished first, they still booked out the same time as those tankees(yes, your heard rite, those). just becos armskote was not cleared. haiz.sometimes it's hard to get around such things ya? i did everything in my control but was stumped by armskote clearance. clearly not a specialist's job.

Turbulent times ahead. wonder if things will turn for the better. motivating people has become the hottest topic of late. it's more or less aligning what you dun want with wad is required. Ms V would claim this to be an irony (A contradicts B, but this makes sense becos....). i guess certain people have failed to grasp this point, being swarmed with 1001 things to do and dealing with all the other things in life - family, cars and handling fledgling adults especially. To be fair, he really isnt that bad, jus demanding perhaps, and in the process, could have hurt others unintentionally. can be nice if he wants to too. so dun be too biased cos most of you guys havent seen the other side of him.

SO everyone just give and take a bit, reflect on ourselves. Dun tell me that all of us have been saints so far and have done all that is regimentally required of us. things like basic discipline, first parade, breakfast, area cleaning, listening to instructions, not exploiting loopholes in the system and demanding privileges. so all of us behave, the top gives adequat privileges and everything shld be fine again. BMT serves as the bedrock for the 2 yrs of NS life. returning to BMT days means forgetting your basics, so dun go all out to accuse us of circumscribing you guys. Ive always believed in "you give us what we want, we give your what you want." clearly what we and you want needs to be defined.

I guess for HQ specs, we jus want to be able to finish our daily workload and that is required of us. so we are more or less at peace. everything can be solved, come what may. HQ pls sort out problems within yourself. everyone does his bit and life would be much better i am telling you. see what happens when u listen to me? you are the first to book out. Perhaps we should just have 2 persons in 1 position. then it'd really be tough training balanced with welfare to provide a "positive" NS experience. not to mention names but someone fits the bill...

It's amazing how authors always try to align the reader with the protagonist. Nevermind the ethics and morals; we'd always be sympathetic towards those main characters and disdainful of the antagonists. I wonderif another author wrote the same story from the antagonist PoV, how evil would the protagonist be? But then not all protagonists are ethically "good". no matter. anyone knows of books whereby the author creates hate and disgust for the main character?

The protege was a good film, despite the chopped hand scene being a bit too gruesome. But it was good to watch, nicely put together. and raintree came up with it. time for everone to pay serious attention to local goods.

Sometimes, apathy is the best form of sympathy. Many situations arise when i know that nothing i say will make things alright. words of sympathy may come across as word of pity and im sure people would not relish coming across as weak and pathetic. keeping quiet and acknowledging with an imperceptive nod seems to be the best way to show sympathy, to give the bereaved some time and space to come to terms with loss. Even asking how one is feeling is simply stupid cos it's obvious that the feeling is lousy, and THAT could be an understatement. i know that this may come across as unfeeling, and ive tried it, but it certainly beats saying stupid things and not being able to extricate myself from it. All im saying that space should be given and work not piled back on immediately when the person reports back to work. I noe, cos ive been in those shoes and seen others in those shoes...

Jus a random thought...

And today concludes the annual ritual of visiting. This CNY doesn't seems to be the same as before. No wizened faces, gaunt hands and tufts of white hair sitting at the same table as us. No toothy smile, messy hair waiting in the flat. Somehow, the mood was different and it was palpable. Nobody had much to say.

What is the purpose of such festivities? As i was watching the celebratory program on TV yesterday night, i felt strangely detached and weird, as if what the ppl on screen were doing belonged to another dimension altogether. If CNY is a reason for people to come together, feast and make merry, then wouldnt we have wasted our gifts as human beings, with the distinctive capacity to feel and think, not to do it as and when there is a need? Are excuses being made to avoid get-togethers and merry-making just becos there is no public holiday and there's work to be done the very next day? Then havent we been forcing ourselves every CNY, christmas, Hari raya, deepavali, labour day, national day and what not? What happened to the purpose and meaning behind such festivities? The excessive nos. of countdowns in a fleeting period of 3 months, as some would call it, have diminised the meaning of such seasons, making them seem all the more frivolous. How many people are more concerned with the meaning of hongbaos rather than the grand total of this year's round of "visiting"?

This is the last year my eldest cousin would be getting hongbaos from the elders. It adds to the weirdness of it all, as very soon, there'd be an addition to the family. Who knows what that will be like but for now, I'll jus look forward to the wedding. It's hard to imagine, 17 yrs ago, that any one of us could get married. i used to think that my cousins and i would be best friends forever but time passes so fast and we have all walked down different paths in life. haha how naive. Now, i dont really know exactly what they are up to but the feeling of familiarity and warmth is still there, nonetheless. I guess they are the only links i have to my childhood, to the CNYs where everyone went to grandma's, when my aunt wasnt married, with spicy red curry (spicy probably becos i wasnt accustomed to eating chilli then), lots of traditional cookies, and lots of people - relatives who i did not managed to see until my grandma's funeral last november.

I really dont see myself being married in say the next 10 maebe 15 years but i wish i wont be spending festivals alone, in a rented flat, watching TV and listening to radio. I want to have children without having to go through their childhood but that's really just selfish of me. perhaps all i want is someone to listen. or perhaps i just want to be left alone, not caught up in the superficial-ness and artificiality of it all.

Voyager concluded without a bang. or rather, it was a pretty pointless exercise. and i havent felt more relieved to go back to coyline since BMT fieldcamp.

This new year is feeling pretty different. I guess it's jus different with less people around...and ppl ard me are getting pretty lousy news about their loved ones, accidents... fortunately eugene's not harmful in any way. is it jus nature's way of dealing with the booming global population? it's a black period indeed. cant imagined being bumped off just like that. The frailty of life never seemed more real..

Been having weird thoughts about the fish in the supermarket. What did its eyes look like when it was alive? why is its mouth open? I thought i saw it jump at me....and images of it served on platters on the dining table were conjured out of nowhere, becoming images of body parts served on tables. freaky. do vegans think of such things? they think such therefore they are such? i dunno... but it's not as if im becoming vegan anytime soon. brrrr..

It's hard to be close yet objective. No one said it was going to be easy, who am i kidding?

School was fulfilling simply becos of the people, who have goals, who have drive and aspirations. It was easier with friends and peers who have things in common. It's more difficult when you only have colleagues, subordinates and superiors, even acquaintences who may or may not see eye to eye, who have no pride whatsoever in their work and treat it like menial chores which could potentially give more trouble. Somehow, there's a void that i no longer know how to fill. and perhaps that's why weekends are precious to everyone.

When people just couldnt be bothered and are not motivated, it's not difficult to see how they can affect others similarly. since we are all in such dire situations, why can't people just be more cooperative and make things more bearable for everyone, instead of choosing the easy way out and burdening everyone else in the process? I sure cant impose my will on everyone but im trying my best not to let these things bog me down. it's so prevalent that it's just overwhelming. like a plague. and how in the world is a positive experience going to be created like that? "Service" is a big word. Pair it with "National" and it's a lofty ideal. if service is "to give...and expect nothing in return" then i guess NS has failed in more ways than one. and it's not the system but the people who make up the system, who always clamour for more things in return for services rendered, who exploit loopholes, who are obnoxious, anal-retentive draconian martinets. if materialism and instant gratification are the labels of our genration, then the system is doomed to fail. the tides have changed and the emphasis is different. we are not our parents and perhaps the changes in the system are just not keeping pace with changes in society. or maebe it's just traditionalists who just oppose the changes. like old fogeys who refuse to pass it on. haha!

i wish....that i could hypnotise everyone or become the matrix. perhaps this is just a taste of wad's to come after NS. human interaction just proves to be so... nvm. i shall be positive. im sure. heh and i just want to pass ATP this wed. so that i'll be free of the yokes of live range!

As everything draws to a close, i dont see in any way how i have benefitted from the event other than learning some flag signals from OC, which can be done anytime any day in camp. dohh...
and at this very moment, there's another group of guys who have just checked in at tekong and are prolly enjoying hte monsoon rains these few days...or is it weeks?

We are happy now to get day off for a job well done, but i wonder if it's us 10 yrs down the road and our boss tells us to go take some days off for a job well done, will we still be as happy?

Things have been rather uneventful, save for the potentially home wrecking and AWOL cases. everything should sort itself out in the end, shouldnt worry too much about things that are beyong me control.

Looking forward to a new year? i dun noe.

1 yr in NS. if i had a choice i'd have gone for pes C that day when i went to CMPB. life in cbt vocation sucks, period. work and work like shit and we get more...you noe. when will standby, atec and wad not be over? can i be posted to like S1 instead? somebody save me...

New Year's DAY! and csm has to sms me for book in timing. AND PS jackson had to call janmeet for him toget a DRV back in camp. and i still haven packed my standby field pack and not updated the red booklets and not planned (SECRET). and so many ppl are still changing duties like it is free. Why is my world so much of taking and so little of giving. but still, i enjoyed New Year stayover at wm's even though i fell asleep. and breakfast at amk and checking out fairprice extra. and steamboat dinner at home! :D and there's a meeting tmr with brent bob rich and di. haha i jus hope i dun get swarmed with (SECRET) shit when i go back to camp tmr. hopefully the cos has alr done up the keypress and stuff. all tt's left should be the maps and lesson plans. sigh and that IS quite a bit alr...

lessee...xmas eve's eve at jk's house was rather enjoyable even though i haven seen them for ages. nostalgia perhaps but still it was good to see that everyone was still alive and very much kicking. xmas day itself went to the rice table with bern and Heng BUT darned water convulvulus that only i had cos the former found it too spicy and the latter simply didnt indulge in it gave me quite a terrible case of food poisoning. (i think) and 26 27 were horrible days trying to prep for ntm with that debilitating illness. last few days before NY was one of the most irritating days, cos there was just so much to do. but when was there ever nothing to do. haiz and im getting bad vibes from ALL the PSs. irritating regulars. wad will i see when the new PCs come? hehe.

2006 was a rather interesting year, in many ways thanks to NS. threshold for ALOT of things went up, to the extent that I can tolerate some of the things that my saintjohn cadets do in camp. hmm and im not too particular abt dirt anymore, as long as it's not too dirty. all in all it was very much a year of revelations and self-discovery. surprise surprise, but i guess the journey has yet to come to an end. hmm and i lost both grandmas, one after the other. i always knew these times would come but never like that. one was sudden, engulfed in raging flames. the other, i knew it was coming all along. it has become very hard indeed for me to feel. perhaps that's why christu and ruthu said im rude / cynical / apathetic (whatever) on saturday. but im guessing work (4million singaporeans' worth of shit load) has a more than significant part to play in it. and once i panicked so much that i almost cried and broke down - seldom did it happened in school, like twice in 18 years!... when will i ever get to ORD!??!?

Resolutions - more like a xmas wish list (in chronological order):

Breeze thru audits (for the offs )
Pass SOC, IPPT - silver at least. (so no RT)
Do well for ATEC (for the offs too! DUH wad were u thinking?)
Know my platoon better, including those non-effective ones (and get them to work)
ORD safely! (no DBs, no charges, no extras)
Get a driving license.
Travel (Spain greece athens europe Japan korea taiwan? definitely not msia and thailand)
pick up an instrument?
refresh my 3rd language
be nicer to my fanily and frends. this includes being less cynical and whatnot but im guessing this is pretty difficult. soc ippt can train but changing from the inside out - that requires more than a catalyst - fat hope! ha!