Hello!

I'm back, finally blogging again, after eons.

I apologise. Hah.

Loads been happening since i last blogged,
don't even know where to start.

Now let's see,
I'm done with my laziness and here i am,
blogging in full force again.
Oh dear diary, i miss you so so much.

Feels weird not being able to move my fingers on the keyboard
and have my words posted online.

Christmas is coming,
yay! I'm happy.
YES, seriously HAPPY and excited about it.
Can't wait for the meet up with the Libidos.
They're just so part of me. =)

I've already gotten quite a couple of pressies,
and the most surprising out of them,
is a SK jewellery necklace.
I know it's not a big deal like a Tiffany's,
but it came from someone unexpected.

Now here's a question,
if a guy gives a girl a necklace from SK,
what does that mean?
Feel free to tag and enlighten me.
I'm not trying to brag or act as if I don't know,
but i really don't.
I'm not really close to this guy and
even though we're playing the angel and mortal game,
it shouldn't be that extreme right?
- beats me.

I would like to thank everyone out there
who's been supporting me,
ever since my last entry.
Know it's kinda soppy,
but who cares? Lol.

I've got a couple of stuffs i have in mind for christmas,
but i wonder if Santa would be nice.
Haha, i make so many wishes and lists of stuffs,
but it seems Santa ain't doing his job.
Santa, don't be naughty,
come over and give me a gift.
=) I've been a good girl.

I've been trying to change my template,
but no suitable ones,
even if there was, i need to revamp it.
So it'll suit my style.

Okie dokie, i'm kinda broke already,
so i hope you peeps won't mind me getting
all of ya cheaper gifts?
*Laughs

I'm glad you were back, missed ya. =)

* A happy christmas this year - please.

I won't blame anyone for this.
I just don't understand why it has to happen to me.

Promises.
What are they?

Chances.
Is that how it's abused?

After all that has happened,
i thought i wouldn't have to face tuesday.(10 October 2006)

I thought my predicament wasn't going to be true.
I wished i was over-sensitive.
I wished i was proven wrong.

But as i looked into your eyes,
i could see,
i wasn't the only girl anymore.
I just wasn't your sweet innocent girlfriend you
had that same sighting for.

You spoke with a stutter,
but eventually all true words came gushing out.
It's been long since i last heard you spoke
about someone like that.

That exact feeling when you're confused,
but your heart still tells you to speak the truth.
You can stop your mind from anything,
but your heart can't fight against feelings.

Initially, i wished it was all a nightmare.
But when i tried to swallow my pride,
hold back those tears,
i just couldn't control any of those anymore.

It was REAL.
The truth came smacking at my face.
I know you try to hide all of these,
but you cannot contain any of those anymore.

You're stuggling within yourself.
You're afraid to hurt me,
i understand.
But you can't compress all that you're feeling inside,
coz you might never know when you've already fallen
out of love and in love again.

By forcing the truth out of you,
i was helping you.
I knew all along, it was my good friend.
I knew all along, that it was my stupidity that led
me to this.
You could pretend you don't feel it,
i could pretend that i don't sense it.
But at the end of the day,
it's going to hurt the both of us.

I'm sorry i can't be mother teresa
and forgive you and get over the matter.
It's the last straw.
Maybe when i let you did as you please,
i trusted and believed you,
that i was your only love.

I really did.
I persevered on,
waiting for my 21st,
to spend the rest of my life with you.

But somehow or rather,
your actions just don't seem
to comply or go hand in hand with your words.

You promised to make me the happiest girl in the world.
you promised to settle down soon.
You promised you'd never leave me.

Where are they?
Have you forgotten?

I dont' need anyones' pity.
I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I don't want people to sympathise and empathise me.

All i need now is a breather.

You won't know or you're probably oblivious
to my sacrifices,
my love,
my car,
but most importantly,
my heart and soul.

I know you can't love me as much as i love you,
right from the start.

All i want is just a simple true heart,
a simple relationship,
a simple someone who'd be there when i need him.
Simplicity is more than i can ask for.

Even the basics,
i'm deprived of that privilege.

I don't wanna ponder or probe too much into it.
What's there is there.
I just have to accept it.

I'm just totally damaged,
no amount of repair is going to help,
so just let me fade away,
vanish from the face of the world,
only to be remembered as
" The girl who died for love."

Jie, z.y - do me a favour, erase that recent post of yours.
i'm already a loser in other people's eyes.
i've lost the battle.
Please don't make things any difficult for me.
Let me have a leeway of at least a lil dignity and integrity
to leave the stage.
Thanks for everything jie.

We've pushed ourselves this far,
now let's just allow fate to play the crucial part.

I'm sorry i can't maintain th e friendship i have with her.
It's just too difficult.

I'll end here.
I may not be back for awhile.
Take good care my dear bloggie.
Thanks for being the mirror of my emotions.

* Tell me now, have i been replaced?

I didn't know why.
But it happened.

Once again,
i dreamt about you.
It was so unexpected.
So uncalled for.

Was that fate trying to drop me a hint?
It's not often that i dream,
not often that i'll have you as part of it.

When it happens,
my heart starts to skip a beat.
I always dreamt about the same scenario,
although they're in different places.

The thought, the feeling within that very dream
was so real.
Even i could not explain what was going on.

What was really vivid,
was the warmth i felt when you held me close to you,
when you hugged me
and made me feel i was the only one. (Only in my dreams)

Foolish you say, it's been almost 3 years already.
I thought i've forgotten you completely.

What surprises me was this.
I didn't realise it, till now.
That you were kept safely in a precious place,
the very root of my heart.

I may be over you, but you've not be forgotten.
Thanks again, for everything in the past.
It may only be for a short while.

But it was all worth the effort,
when i waited for you for 4 years,
just for the short span of less than 3weeks being together.

You've moved on,
i have too.
May you always be happy.

For now, i am. =)

I just hope to keep you deep within my heart,
and i hope after today,
you would not appear in my dreams anymore.
Because i don't want to be reminded of the past.

I just want my present life to carry on,
with a smile on my face
and the person whom i love.

Do give me all your best wishes.
I think i need it.

4 years of waiting,
and my present nearly 4 years of ongoing relationship.
It's very different i must admit.

That doesn't mean i can't pull through it rite?
-smiles-

` You only exist in my dreams.
` But nonetheless,
` i was inspired by my love for you,
` that's why i am here today.
`Facing the ups and downs of my present life.

* My love = Chris. =)

This is to you, J OH.

Haha, i'm finally updating.

It's been pretty strange,
kinda feel that i'm going to be a pessimistic person,
anytime soon.

But who cares rite?

Not that no one cares,
but apparently life ain't getting any better,
except for a few aspects that is.

What in the world could make someone feel that
there's nothing more to look froward to?

What could make someone lose their sanity?

What could money do to a peaceful family?

How can one stay emotionally stable when life's
all about curses and swears?

Wondered how optimistic, cheerful and bubbly i can be
in many times of crisis?

The answer, I've been through something, not people would ask for.

A condition i have, makes me the person i am today.

Sorry for being such a wimp and blabbering on all these silly stuffs,
that no one really hears or bother,
but hey!

Sit down and think,
how many times do you help a friend who's in need?
- 2
how many times do you try to shun them away?
-4

When do you know if your heart's telling you the truth?
- never.

Lesson learnt ; it takes two hands to clap.

I'm so damn in love with this vcd show now,
The magicians of love.
Bahaha.
i'm totally crazy over RICHIE! =)
Such sweet acts portrayed.

Yes, yes i know what you're going to say.
Grow up.
Childish, it's all fairy tale ending.

But i just like it! What can you do about it? Lol.

Am going to end here.

I have this dreary feeling now.

For those who miss me,
I'm still alive. =)

* a trip down memory lane, i can't believe how much i love you.

Would you ever?

Would you ever hold the night
With just a single hand?
Would you ever let me go,
And make me understand?

Would you ever kiss me softly,
As if that kiss meant good-bye?
Would you hold me, oh so closely,
If I was to start to cry?

Would the tears I cried for you
Make you feel my pain?
Or would you not care for me one bit,
And my hurt would be in vain?

Would a simple question,
Remain unanswered?
Or if you were asked who you love,
Would I be your answer?

Would you keep your word
Of being always together?
Or would this lonely life of mine
Last forever?

If I told you I felt sad
Would you come be by my side?
If I was to get you mad,
Would it hurt you deep inside?

Don't ever tell me you don't care
Because I just know that isn't true.
If your heart decided to love someone,
...Would I be the one for you?

Wonderful poem by Yuri Diaz.

* Portrays my words.

What the hell are you doing?

I questioned myself,
the moment i set foot out of the office.

Pieces of me,
shattering bitterly inside.

A while ago, i spoke.
Words came out like daggers.
How we exchange them,
never thought of how it felt did we?

Probably you didn't have any response
or motion to how i was feeling.
You had simply no idea.

Conversations that end up
meaningless and ruthless.
why is there a need to continue?

In the train,
i stood in front of so many people,
with my ear plugs in,
i was consumed by the music.

My soul drifted,
the very presence of me was subtle,
i felt vulnerable,
i felt pathetic.

People looked just like mannequins standing,
with no life,
no desire,
no meaning.

It was all the same expression,
the thing we so often call emotions.

To emotions i always surrender,
to it my heart i gave.
In return,
i was blackmailed,
stolen.
The right to fight was all lost.
I was a victim.

I couldn't care less about anything,
not to mention if i felt anything.
The tears welled up in my eyes,
i ignored it.
But as hard as i try,
it was forcing itself out.
I don't want it to flow,
i don't want to be the weakling in your life.

I HATE to be like this.
I HATE myself for being this way.
I HATE myself for caring so much,
when all you could do was jab.

Stations pass,
just like time does.

I alighted and i felt,
like a shadow wondering around,
trying to find it's way back home.

With no directions or plans,
i just walked.
Walked and walked to ward off all these upset,
all these destruction it was doing to my very heart.
This bare heart and soul that was entrusted to you,
weren't you suppose to hold it gently in the palm of your hands?

I told myself and i questioned myself, not god.
What was this that i was doing to myself?
where did all the optimism go to?
Don't i deserve something better?
What was this emotion that was completely
absorbing my energy?

TELL ME!

I can't.
No answers.

That's the whole problem.
I have questions i can't answer.
And this is something no one will be able to help.

It's not that easy, to always put a smile on my face,
just so that my pain can be hidden.

It's all messed,
i just need a shoulder to lie on,
to cry my WHOLE DAMN HEART out.

LISTEN. LISTEN. Can you hear? I'm drowning mother earth with my tears.

* The pain runs deep.

The wind that blows, the leaves that fall,
mother's nature way of saying hello.

Close your eyes, breathe in.
Smell and taste the bitter sweet scent of olives.

Your being was made to love and adore all
that's beautiful.

Fear, anxiety, trust, pain, happiness, laughter.
All emotions combine, with the force and power
of such a thing called 'feelings'.

Feelings are one matter you simply cannot ignore.
Romeo and juliet didn'taccidentally fall in love.
Liang san bo and zhu ying tai didn't love each other for nothing,
for the past eight lives they've been through.
It was feelings that pulled them together,
that made them have the determination
to go through every single obstacle.

Break it. Shake it. Leave it. Take it.
Life's all about risks.

What would you do if you fall?
What can you do to pick yourself up?
The solution to be stronger?

Think about it?

don't let criticism, sexualism, politics, racism
or anything that can leave you dumbfounded,
stranded and helpless to bring you down.

Coz no one actually deserves such treatment.
So if you're human, be humane.
Have some humility.
Empathise and put yourself into their positions,
before getting those filthy hurting words out of
that beautifully created mouth of yours.

Search yourself, God created everyone equally,
no one's perfect,
so LIE LOW.

Feelin gthe most worst ever.
Not to mention,
i feel the world spinning round me.
Searched myself after watching the movie 'CLICK'
It was the most TOUCHING and AWESOME show ever.
You peeps show go and catch it.
I'm serious.
I'll always remember, Family before Work. =)

I cried buckets,
but i'm glad i had you with me.
so loved.

* When the number 22 goes to 23, it means maturity. *Smooch

Jacinta, you're Angel!

Just like the haloed and winged guardians of good,
you truly have a heart of gold, sweet Angel.

Whenever there's a chance to pitch in,
save the day or just make life easier for the people around you,
you're the one for the job.

You don't just jump in without planning —
you use your angelic head to figure out how to
do things right the first time,
like only the most dependable goddesses can.

Whether brainstorming a new solution to a problem,
planning a surprise party for your parents,
or lending your friends a wing to cry on,
you've got the right instincts,
so follow them whenever you can.

As natural as it is for you to take care of the people around you,
don't forget to treat yourself right, too.
The best friendships, and loves,
of a lifetime tend to blossom when you become your own guardian angel.

So don't listen to those who say nice girls finish last.
People have always seen you as a goddess of thoughtfulness
and good intentions, and it hasn't slowed you down a bit.
All in all, Angel, you've got it made with your glowing attitude
and ability to see from on high.

So get out there and change the world!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jacinta, your beauty aura is Natural!

When it comes to how you present yourself to the world,
you strongly believe that keeping things simple
— whether it's your relationships, career, or face soap —
is the best way to be beautiful.

You're satisfied with what nature gave you and
aren't afraid to show your confident,
unadorned self to the world.

Your beauty routine is all about maintenance.
You keep your skin clean, your body moisturized,
and add a splash of color to lips and eyes when the situation demands it.
Other than that? You feel best looking as fresh as nature intended.
In the course of being au naturelle you may sometimes
forget to cut loose and have fun.

You should feel free to dress up now and then or splurge on a scent.
Spoil yourself, now and then, as nature intended.

- Just taking some tests for fun. =)

* Because you live, there's a reason why i carry on when i lost the fight.

I don't wanna lose you,
I don't wanna use you
just to have sombody by my side
And I don't wanna hate you
I don't wanna take you

But I don't wanna be the one to cry
That don't really matter to anyone, anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad
when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

Now I could never change you
I don't wanna blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes I may have hurt you
But I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain
And like a fool who will never see the truth
I keep thinking something's gonna change

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And its sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough

And there's no way home
when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say
Do you feel me beside you in your bedthere beside you where I used to lay
And there's a Danger in Loving somebody too much

And it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are
Cause baby sometimes love just ain't enough
Baby sometimes love just ain't enough


* You make me cry, make me hurt, but you never realise what actually went wrong.

In life,
it doesn't matter who plays a bigger
or a smaller role in a relationship.
Any kind of relationship.

There are just so many factors to consider.
Emotions surface because of the importance,
that particular relationship has on you.

No one's to be blamed for feeling angry,
upset, happy, devastated, disappointed,
helpless, uncared for, insignificant.

Every situation that happens,
happens for a reason.
And one thing that you must do is to understand
and out yourself into each other's shoes.
It's not easy, i know, but TRY.

It doesn't hurt does it?
This of course doesn't mean that the other party
can go all around abusing it.
It takes two hands to clap.
You've got to make it work.
don't carry on with life,
in 20 years looking back
and regretting what you didn't do.
Right?

This is just a general statement, something
i feel that needs to be done.
I know i'm not in any position to say anything,
i 'm not a good person either,
just a normal being who commits sins as well.

But facing this world,
we need to love each other and love
ourselves first, before conquering the world
and making it a better place.
It all starts with individual.
If no one's gonna break the ice,
would our world be a better place?

Make a difference, you know you're capable of that.

My LIBIDOS, i LOVe you guys so much,
and i mean it.
Although we have some small misunderstandings
and quarrels at times,
you know where you peeps stand in my heart yea? +)
Huggies.

- It took you awhile to realise,
- who you actually want,
- when you turn back,
- and find me not there anymore,
- you fumble,
- that's when you know,
- your strength has long gone.
- Listen to your heart for once,
- because when you do,
- you know that i've never left you.

* The sun might shine all the time, but what's sunlight without my world? =)

It's not easy being a person.
IT's not easy being a mother,
not easy being a father,
a sister,
a brother,
a lover,
an enemy,
but more importantly a friend.

How do you search for your friends?
How do you classify them?
Who are they do you?
Will they be forgiven if they did something wrong?

I don't know.
History repeats itself.

I had the BIGGEST and ONLY tiff
with honey today.
Gosh.
I don't know what went wrong.
Was it my mistake?
The feeling's terrible.
A friend so close to me,
a colleauge who listens
and someone who laughs with me,
just coz of a misunderstanding,
ends up in a torn friendship.

Don't wanna think about it.
But it's upsetting.
If only honey knows how much,
a good friend he is to me.
I treasure our friendship,
but it seems that his style of
being a friend and mine just doesn't click.
Sad but true.
Let's just see how it goes.

* Thank you, because of you, i know i'm loved. =)

A friend of my lil God sister,
is like no other young kids.
She's got the makings of a real beauty.
Cute,
sweet and anything you can think of.

She reminds me of the makings of a PLMGSS girl,
but Hah!
Fortunately, she's from my school.
SACSS. =)

I shopuld have taken a picture with her.
Don't mind be a paedophile though.
Ah.
Just kidding.
I'm no girl with a fetish for young kids aye?

The brithday bash was great.
My sis and i being in charge,
helping out and just organising the party.
Making sure everything went well.
Food, kids and a party,
that's what life's all about.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOANNA,
hope you loved your gift girl.
muacks.


Be Without You =)


(Intro)I wanna be with you,
gotta be with you,
need to be with you,
(oh,oh,oh,oh)

I wanna be with you,
gotta be with you,
need to be with you,
(oh,oh,oh,oh)oooo
(oh,oh,oh,oh)oooo

1st Verse:Chemistry was crazy from the get go
Neither one of us knew why
We didn't build nothin' over night
Cause' a love like this take some time
People swore it off as a phase
Said we can't see that
Now from top to bottom
They see that we did that(yes)
It's so true that(yes)
We've been through it(yes)
We got real sh*t(yes)
See baby we been...

Chorus:Too strong for too long(and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waitin' up until you get home
(cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved,
ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothin' can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without ya baby

2nd Verse:I got a question for ya
See I already know the answer
But still I wanna ask you
Would you lie?(no)
Make me cry?(no)
Do something behind my back and then try to cover it up?
Well, neither would I, baby
My love is only your love(yes)
I'll be faithful(yes)I'm for real(yes)
And with us you'll always know the deal
We've been...

Chorus:Too strong for too long(and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waitn' up until ya get home
(cuz I can't sleep without ya baby)
Anybody who's ever loved,
ya know just what i feel
Too hard to fake it, nothin' can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without ya baby

Bridge:See this is real talki'm ma always stay
(no matter what)Good or bad(thick and thin)
Right or wrong(all day everyday)
Now if ya down on love or don't believe
This ain't for you(no this ain't for you)
And if ya got it deep in ya heart
And deep down ya know that it's true(c'mon, c'mon)
Well, let me see ya put ya hands up(hands up)
Fellas tell ya lady she's the one
(fellas tell ya lady she's the one,oh)
Put ya hands up (hands up)
Ladies let him know he's got ya love
Look him right in his eyes and tell himWe've been...

Chorus:Too strong for too long(and I can't be without ya baby)
And I'll be waitn' up until ya get home
(cuz I can't sleep without ya baby)anybody who's ever loved,
ya know just what I feel
Too hard to fake it, nothin' can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without ya baby
Heeeeeeeeeeeeey OhhhhhhhhhhhhhHeeeeeeeeeeeeey
OhhhhhhhhhhhhhI wanna be with you,gotta be with you,
need to be with you(x1 and wait)
I wanna be with you,gotta be with you,
need to be with you(x1 and wait)
I wanna be with you,gotta be with you,
need to be with you(x1 and wait)
I wanna be with you,gotta be with you,
need to be with you(x1 and wait)
I wanna be with you gotta be with you,
need to be with you(x1 and wait)

* Relish the moments, taste the sweetness of love.

I recently feel so close to honey.
Haha.
HE's just one sweet guy.
So many sincere talks,
i think we can be the best buddies of all! Lol.

I haven't been doing loads of stuffs
these few days except work.
The loads really piling man.
I think i really need to stay back like that,
EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Work = No life.

No life = Lifeless.

No, i don't wanna be lifeless.
I want to get a life. =)

alritey, enough crap now.

Did i mention a new resolution?
Haha, ain't gonna tell you.

You'll see the difference in me.

Till then, love you all.

- i miss you baby.
- i so need to cuddle you.

* My love, my life.

Happy Anniversary to you, my lil sis.
Haha, i'm sure you must be enjoying
yourself tons now.

Just stay happy with your lovely
other half alritey?

=)

You rock.

There are hilarious stuffs that have been
happening to me.

1. I almost got knocked down by
a motorcycle, no kidding.
The distance between the bike
and me is only 10cm. Hah.
If he just sped abit faster,
i would have been dead.
- phew. Close shave.

2. The world cup fever's on
and yes! i've been placing
small bets on a few teams.
Don't ask if i won.
I ain't telling you.
you've got catch me first. Hah.
Thanks to Rosli.
You've been a great help.
Oh my, this guy can really predict.
Good one, i'll treat you to
ice-cream soon okay? =)

3. I've been so called solemnly,
promoted to full-time underwriting,
under a temp position still.
Hah, i think i better switch.
If i'm doing full load and
i'm still paid peanuts,
i might as well just get a life. =)

4. I've been seriously busy.
I need some time for rest,
before i start having fainting
spells again. =)

5. I need to get my 3250 SOON.
I've been waiting decades to save
enough money,
but there's always a situation
cropping up.
-Bleahz.

Other than that, my life has been good.
People are great.
You do meet people who make
your life difficult for you,
but always look on the positive side.
If they want to be like that,
let them be.
Just as long as you know,
what you're doing and that
you're not hurting anyone in the midst
of it, you're fine.

Thanks Kevin,
for your belated birthday pressie.
was just so sweet of you. =)

Honey, you are cute.
Like my cutest sister ever. lol.

Ciaoz. I sign off here.

* I love you and i don't care about anything, do you?

Jacinta, your subconscious mind is most
preoccupied with issues around your love life.
On a conscious level,
you might already be aware that something is troubling you,
or eating up a lot of time when it comes to your love life.

But it's also possible that thoughts
and feelings about your romantic life
have been preoccupying your subconscious mind
— leaving you with nothing more than a general sense
that things just don't feel 100% right
in your life though you can't quite figure out why.

You may feel your love life is unfulfilling and needs a jumpstart.
You might be going through a lot of changes
in your love life that you find emotionally draining.

You might simply spend a lot of time
thinking about romantic relationships.
Or maybe you're so frustrated with
your situation that you avoid the topic all together.

Whichever feelings hold true,
your test results indicate that right now,
your subconscious mind is working overtime
to resolve the issues confronting you in this area of your life
— even if you don't feel aware of it.

Just a test i took. Hah.
Guess i expected such an explanation. =)

I have alot to blabber,
but i'll leave it till another time,
i'm exhausted.
Lol.
I need my sleep.

So goodnight people. =)

Till then,
i hope my blog won't be a hot topic for you
and i prob just wouldn't wanna
have more than just acquaintance relationship
with the both of you.

And girl, you were one of my clique buddies,
but you disappoint me.
Don't ask me why.
Search your own conscience.

* When it all comes down to your definition of a relationship. =)

There are things, people and events
in our everyday lives,
that makes us feel all emo and fed-up.

I couldn't say it didn't happen to me,
or rather it happens to me all the time.
I'm not trying to be a pathetic fool
who complains about how life sucks,
when your parents are giving you
100% shit and no understanding.

It's no doubt,
i'm always facing this endless problem.
It seems to drag on for centuries.
Like it's always said,
"Good things always come to an end."
I'm begininng to see some truth in it.
A minute they're good to you,
the next, they scream at you as if
you're their sworn enemy.

I've kinda got used to such attitudes,
thrown all over the place.
I'm pretty okay, although,
the heart still feels like it
got stabbed too many times
with different daggers or spears,
flying from all directions.
I bleed,
they bleed,
everyone's bleeding.
What for?

Such words and actions are
so not called for.
Waste of time, energy and lack
of communication.
Why break the bond?
Seriously, total childish behaviour.

I badly wanted a chalet for my 20th birthday,
a chalet that i've been hoping for,
since 16,
which i never got.
All thanks to my mum and dad.

Parents?
Yes, they love us,
they brought us up,
watch us grow and groom us
to be successful and useful people.
Contributing to the society always.
Grateful as we may be,
this doesn't give them the right
to control everything,
since you're already reaching 20.

Come on, give me a break.
My own Chalet,
my own style okay?
Goodness, you people just have to
poke your nose into every business of mine.
None that i can handle or even manage.
Who am i to you?
A girl who never grows?
Cut the crap, i don't wanna hear no more.

You're officially hated!
Mum, you paid that extra 25 bucks,
to see that smile on dad's and your face,
not considering the pain i'm going through.
How cruel?
I wanted to plan it myself and
invite all my friends,
be it you like it or not.
Coz i love them and there's nothing you can do about it.

It's fine if you paid for my chalet.
But hell no!
I paid it with my very OWN money.
And i have to let you run the show?
Kick my ass then.

I don't need such parties.
You might as well have
some lovey-dovey nights together,
and i'll just probably stay home
and watch TV throughout,
spending my birthday laughing at cartoons
or making fun of myself.

That'll give you the ultimate joy right?
I'm sure.
You people always talk about logic,
sometimes it's so contradicting,
i can't believe that you peeps are my parents.
Hah.
don't make a fool out of yourself,
it doesn't mean that you treating me nicer
now is going to help you atone for your mistakes,
in fact, i'm never like before.

I ain't gonna be the girl,
who sits and listens to you people,
giving in, no matter how painful it was.
Holding back my tears and accepting
every single damn thing you want me to do.
I've had enough. My patience have been tested.
Don't you people hold your authority high up
and surpress my feelings,
it's not going to work any longer.
I've loved you people and tried to respect you,
but you people are more scheming than i ever imagine.
I don't wanna have parents like this.

If that's the case,
if that's how you wanna carry on.
Forget about communicating,
forget about having the usual peaceful life.
Forget about me giving you respect
and ya know what?
Forget about me loving you people the same
ever again.
Too bruised, too disappointed.
I'm flying away to newer heights.

Enough of all this nonsense.
As i wanted to mention, people out there.
Catholics and christians alike,
DON'T watch Da Vinc Code.
it's not going to get you anywhere.
The movie mocks our religion
and convincing people of such ridiculous happenings,
in the catholic's history.
If you have already watched it,
don't be influenced by it.
All that has been stated was according
to Da Vinci's sayings and portraits of the Last Supper.
Who was he to change the future?
Who was he to make our religion a laughing topic?

I really wanna find out more about this guy.
Somehow i sense he spells trouble.
I find the movie full of crap.
It's definitely gonna create alot of controversies.
Like what the priest in my parish says,
boycotting the movie is an excellent idea.
Curiousity kills the cat.
Many would wanna know what the content of
the movie was.
Believe me,
I know i shouldn't have watched it.
But iform my personal experience,
i'm asking you christians and catholics
out there,
to give this movie a skip.
It's not getting you anywhere.
It's blasphemus.
totally absurd.
I'm kinda aggravated by such remarks
and conclusion.
This is just the beginning,
wait till i find out more
about the mysteries of our religion.

But in the meantime,
people out there who have watched it,
i solemnly tell you
from the bottom of my heart,
that cathlocism is nothing like
what is portrayed,
we have one true God,
We love him,
and ad the bible speaks,
we believe in him.

Our faith is not confusing,
it's the people out there,
who wants to make a difference in the future,
that such controversies occur.

To all my fellow sisters and brothers,
we should keep our faith alive
and stand for what we believe.

We are the catholics of the century. =)

// time always passes so fast,
// when the both of us are together,
// true as it may seem,
// but don't despair my dear,
// we have many more hours together,
// once i'm out of my cage,
// the live that we'd be living,
// will be the greatest moments of our lives,
// and that memory will stay with me,
// till the day i die. =)
// thank you so much for the past two days.
// I just had so much fun and love with you.
// you rock and i love you. <3

* After all these time, i loved you more than ever.

Just got to make this post,
Short and Sweet. =)

My mum's such a hindrance.

I LOVE my baby. =)
Missed him so very much.

Managed to have a swim though.
Time was limited,
but at least i got to see him.
Serious.
This mean alot to me.

The Libidos have been scattered.

Bea, my lil girl,
went missing?
I miss you girl.
Come back,
hold mummy's hand.

Cow, the hottie.
I'm making sure i'll see you soon.
You better meet up
and tell me all about
maintaining that
figure of yours. -winks.

Cathy, the triplet.
You better take good care of yourself
and i mean it.
The weather's bad,
so drink loads of water.
Sleep well and don't stress out.
If anyone's making life difficult
for you,
call me.
I'll drown him with smelly toufu.
Hah.
I'm evil.

Jer, the darlz has entirely MIA.
Don't know where he is?
Who he's with now?
Any hot babes?
What's up with your life?
You little boy,
better update me.
If not, you'd end up in the bin.
LOL.

Mel, my red one.
you know i'm always here.
your white one stays true to her word.
don't bottle up things,
you'll fall sick emotionally.
Share with me your joys and sorrows,
i'll lend a listening ear,
as a friend,
i wanna see you happy.
Got it?
I'll support whatever decision you make.

Z.y, my wonderful jie.
You're the only one,
who's a friend that understands me
the best
and always looking out for me.
Likewise i wanna do the same for you.
you have my back and i have yours.
We will always be the sisters. =)

P honey, you've been sweet.
you rock.
always looking forward to your
sweeties and poles. lol.

SK, you're new,
but you're friendly.
Enjoy working with you. =)

I'm thankful for all i have,
because God has blessed me.
I will never forget his grace and mercy.
Loved. =)=)

// I don't wanna a live
// a day without you,
// coz baby,
// you're all i'm living for.

* Time is not important, what is remains in our hearts.

Work.
Work.
Work.

I'm buried in papers,
numbers
and MORE papers.
Lol.

I've been dutifully doing
my job well,
giving my utmost attention.

Bought my mother's day gift.
Hopefully she'll like it. =)

I missed my dream chasers
at 8.30p.m,
i'm upset.

But i ain't gonna miss the midnight one.
MUST watch.

But still, there's something missing in me.

I can't see my lover boy that often.

No.
I need to see him.
Soon.

May i say,
i LOVE the new Carlsberg ad.

GERARD.
My man. =)

Liverpool, hail your glory.

Now if i may,
i wanna watch one of my fav shows.
Law & Order ( SVU ).

Bet you're watching baby,
enjoy the show.

// so loved by me. <3<3

* Tiramisu = I LOVE YOU.

3 years ago,
that's when it all started.
Our monogamous relationship.
In all, it just wasn't smooth sailing.
There were just so many ups
and downs,
too many factors contributing
in the imbalance of our emotions.

People around us had so many
views and comments about us.
From good ones to discouraging ones.

In any natural cases,
even normal people
would feel tired and drained out.

You were trying you very best
to prove to people around us,
that we can make it,
that you love me.

I, on the other hand,
was trying to prove to them as well,
and to my very difficult parents,
that it's pure love,
not fun or trendy customs.

Both of us,
hand in hand,
just like we've always been,
till this day,
still fighting for future.

Only till today, i realise,
my parents are indeed,
ashamed of my identity.
That's how it is.

The conclusion, the bottomline,
how the story goes,
i am indeed not normal
and i'm living in my own world.
In reality, i've been condemned.

Parents, you love them.
But, do they really accept you
for who you are?
Not as a naughty kid,
or someone who abuses drugs,
but a total opposite of
the right and moral heterosexual
relationship?

Let me tell you,
the answer is apparent.
NO. =)

I should just learn to accept the fact
that i can't have the best of both worlds.
(quoted from darlz)

Enough of all this crap.
Not our relationship.
But the crap referring
to my parents exorbitant comments.

Today's an important day.
For once, i actually got to
apprehend the election
that's happening in Singapore.
Unfortunately,
not being able to be one of
the eligible voters.

I guess today's a rather
predicament day for all.
Everyone who's above 21 years old
face such a tedious task in voting.

Somehow or rather,
it doesn't seem like a
difficult or easy procedure.
It's just improtant for
Singaporeans to have a
choice in the kind of government
they want for the future.

The PAP,
the SDA
and the WP.
Quite a couple of parties
vying for the seats in
Parliament.

In any case,
the PAP will deifnitely win
because of the obvious seats
that they've occupied.
37 seats out of 84.
Statistically speaking,
no matter what, they'll
still have the last victory.

It's just the matter of understanding
and catering to Singaporean needs.
What we want from the government,
is not just pure talk,
but action as well.
There needs to be prove of
the justified actions after winning
the seats.

Singaporeans are not heard to please,
we just want the government
to realise that Singpaoreans
are concerned with various issues,
be it welfare,
healthcare,
justice
or even the economic status.

Assurance is what we need. =)

Easy?
No.
Singaporeans should also
on the other hand, contribute
to make Singapore a better place.

The government needs our
understanding in how it runs
and how they're trying
to make and build our future.

Conclusion : Political matters are always
that hard to understand, what we can do
is to just follow up with the news and get
more in touch with the world. For our knowledge
and for the benefit of others. =)

Red one , i'm here for you alrite?
Don't worry. =)
You're loved by us.
The Libidos.
We're one. <3

// I miss you so,
// i know that no matter
// what happens i have you.
// You don't need to speak,
// I've heard.
// I'll be strong. =)

* Our platonic love ; pulls me through.

Woah Hoo.
Good evening people.

A Happy Labour's Day
to all.

Hopefully ya peeps are enjoying it.

It's really exhilarating to know,
that the month of May,
has an extra day for the hols.
Thank the people who worked for it.
Hah.

I'm so crappy,
let me tell you why.

I'm officially SICK.
No running nose,
no cough,
no fever,
just plain lethargic.

I feel my entire body aching,
prolly due to the mass shifting
of countless papers and tons
of odd jobs done in the office.
Or it could also be the lack of sleep.

Boy, am i weak.
I SO need to get better.
I don't wanna miss a day of work.

I wanna get paid,
i want to see the money
rolling in,
not that money is the issue here,
but it's the fact that a few pennies
could help out in paying the bills
and other important concerns. =)

For now, i'm
like a weakling hanging on
for dear life.

How i wish my baby's here.

// I miss you so much.
// 3 days, doesn't seem long,
// but it feels like a lifetime,
// i just wanna cuddle up,
// in your embrace,
// and lie on your shoulders,
// knowing you'd protect me
// from all harm.
// Need you, need you, need you.
// NOW! =)

* no other hidden agenda, just pure love.

Thursday was one of the
greatest days in my life
as well.

It's been super long since i
last caught a glimpse
of any of my fellow
Libidolians. =)

Managed to meet up with
them.
Went to Marina South
and gorged ourselves,
with seafood and meat over
there.
Guess we all had an extra kilo
to carry. Lol.

It was wonderful,
Lesbie was as usual,
still the same old hot one.
Better perky boobs,
but soemhow flatter ass.
What happened girl?
Ya lost weight over there?
haha. Loved. =)

Triplet,
she was SO SO
HOT!
Coming back from KL,
she's like a total different person,
not in character or anything,
but her physique.
Girl, you look so voluptous.
How ya do that?
Lol.
Keep it up.
Total makeover sweetie. =)
I like it.

Nit nit, my girl.
She's still as pretty.
But somehow,
Slimmer.
What happened?
Have you been dieting?
Or is something bothering you?
Girl, be strong.
I'm here for you always.
- Hugs-

Jer, haha.
still the same old him.
But what's with the hairband?
and the black painted nails?
Boy, don't even tell me,
that you're going to be punk?
Be the way you are. =)
Still prefer the old you.

Mel, my red one.
Haha, boy,
aren't you sweet?
You shouldn't have came
down all the way,
jsut tp pick me up.
Silly you.
But still you're my one
and only red one.
Getting more dashing eh?
Boy, am i melting? =)

Bea, that lil girl,
of mine.
still in KL.
Happily enjoying herself.
I miss you.
I want out date.
Remember okay? lol. =)

Yesterday was great,
even though,
as usual,
lil time.
Baby and i enjoyed ourselves.

I canot have a personal
journal or diary at home,
that's why my blog
is my only solace,
to express my feelings.

Therefore, i too
LOVE my blog. Lol.

// Sweet.
// Sweet.
// Sweet.
// That's what you are.
// No amount of chocolates,
// lollipops or candy floss,
// amount to the sweetness,
// you have in you.
// I'm stuck to you,
// like a bee to a flower's pollen. =)

* Shut up and kiss me.

Yesterday was a fabulous day.
A saturday,
but yet one of the most enjoyable ones.

Haha.
I was so glad that i could go out.
The only thing i'll be really happy
about is to see my baby.

And yes i did!

Went to baby's house,
spent some quality weekend time together.
Listened to music and just relaxing.
I'm so loved every time i hugged my baby.

After which we cabbed down to town.
Wanted to catch a movie,
Take the lead.
I'm sure most of you heard it,
my sis said it was a good movie,
worth watching.
So we decided on that,
but unfortunately i had to leave early,
coz i had a wake to attend to.
Not one of my close relatives,
but someone who's really very nice.

The next earliest movie was at 6.50p.m,
when i had to reach home at 8.
Impossible.
I knew baby was disappointed,
but nevertheless,
he kept a smile on his face
and suggested eating and shopping instead. =)

Ate at Ajisen.
It's been really long i must say.

WE read the sign board,
"Please wait to be seated."
And there were two chairs outside,
for the patrons to sit while waiting.
What's really funny was that,
the two chairs were labelled,
"WET" and "SPOILT" each. Lol.
Hilarious. The hint was clear.
We had to STAND while waiting.

And i love their RAMEN! =)
Both of us ordered a set each.
Was eating and crapping like mad.
Every time i looke dinto baby's eyes,
i just feel the love coming from within him.
SWEET.

There was still sufficient time,
so we headed off to the arcade
near the dhoby ghaut mrt station.
Had loads of fun.
From touch screens, to basketballs
and shooting games.
I jsut loved the shooting of the basketballs
into the nets best!
It was sporty and exhilarating. =)

A while later our happiness
was drowned,
when i had to ehad back home,
for the wake of my grandmother's very
good friend.
Reached home and i had to hurriedly
dress up and head out again.
Tiring. But worthwhile.

Arrived at that place,
felt a sense of melancholy.
When i looked into the coffin,
i realised something.
Alot of people, when they pass on,
they always look so peaceful,
so contented.
Especially the elderly people.
And they will always know when
they'll be leaving the world.
That's why we must always treausre
our grandparents, never regret it.
Becuase it will haunt you forever.

Bear in mind
and look out for the signs.
I know we can't stop death,
but we can prevent it. =)

Headed back to 85 to have supper.
I think we're all pigs.
Haha,
eating like there's no tomorrow.

The day ended well.

Today, however was as exciting.
After attending mass at 11a.m,
we had to go to
The Fort Canning Country Club,
for an event,
" The Club Rainbow's Talent Development
Fund" award ceremony.

It was really one of the best functions
i've attended.
All the kids there were like me.
There was simply no discrimination,
no digression,
no despising.
It was lik ean event for kids with problems.
But we are not problematic kids,
but special kids.
We might not like normal kids,
who are already blessed with physical
abilities,
we are normal, because,
whatever the rest of the kids can do,
we're able to do it doubly better.
I'm not being bias here.

But we know the definition
and meaning of life,
better than any other kid. =)

It was amazing,
from kids with talents in singing,
swimming,
drawing,
playing the piano and
even a percussion instrument.

We had light refreshments
after the interview screening and the
award ceremony.

The highlight of the event was
when everyone displayed their talents,
in front of the entire audience.
It was memorable.

Of course i had to do something as well.
So i staged a skit.
I did a stand alone comedy,
and i should say it was quite
a success,
given the response from the audience.

After which was photo taking session.
I've got so many people coming up to me
and telling me that it was a good stage performance
and that i'm better than Sharon Au? Lol.
Dare not admit. I'm not her match. =)

Headed for P.S
and then to Orchard Emerald for a cheaper
option in threading our brows.
Just me and my sis.

Took neos.
Just loved it.
We look really cool i must say.
Lucky pur parents didn't tag along.
It'll be less fun then.

Headed home and brought
bread on the way for my parents.
Just wondering since when
they became bread addicts?
-ponders.
Beats me.

Now i need to go and take my shower
and ring my baby later.
For now,
i MISS everyone.
=) Cheers.

// I can see your change,
// I know you're trying hard.
// Now i've got your affirmation,
// I'll continue to fight the fight,
// till we get to build our own future,
// coz baby, theres no other,
// just like you.
// You are the icing on my cake.
// Sweet and i love you.

* If you asked, i'll definitely say - I DO.

Today was quite a simple day.

It started off quite well,
i must say.

My mum's sick at the moment,
she's habing a bad throat.
Poor mummy.
Hope recovers soon.

I might hate her sometimes,
but i still do love her.

Guess it was affinity. lol.
My mum and i went to work
together this morning.

It was nice, it's been quite long
since we last went to work together.

I was seriously sleepy,
coz i didn't have sufficient sleep.

Doing my daily routine
office odd jobs. Lol.
Well, i love it though.
I see the underwriters in my department,
all so stressed up.
What's more interesting was that,
they asked me to join them.

They said i was alert,
had a good working attitude
and efficient.
How's that?
Boy, i'm impressed. =)

As usual, all of us were crapping,
munching on tid bits,
doing our work.
It's really a pleasure to be working
with them.

They're simply AMAZING.
Especially P. =)
Such a sweetie.

I think i'll start to call him HUN
from tomorrow onwards,
whereas he can keep
his lil pet name for me.
- secret. =))

Was suppose to be doing OT,
and staying back with P.
As usual, Wednesdays and Thursdays
are our usual days to stay in
the office and get paid for nothing. Lol.
Kidding.

But i couldn't make it,
told P i'll make it up to him tomorrow.
Felt so bad.

Haha.
Where else can i go?
Went to meet baby,
missed him SO VERY MUCH.

He was sweet enough
to leave a portion of curry
his mother cooked for me.
Gosh. =))
This is LOVE.

Watched some TV
and of course,
i had to go home already.
Weekdays were just not
the right time
to spend quality moments together.
Sad but true.

So i cabbed home.
I msged my dearest baby,
but till now he hasn't msg back.
Hah.
Bet he's watching "Da Chang Jin"
Oh well,
i 'll end off here.

Did i mention?
I MISS THE LIBIDOS.

Where has my lesbie gone to?
Where has my triplet disappeared to?
Where has my daughter hide herself?
Where has my darling locked himself?
Where has my red one fly to?
Haha.

You peeps still rock my life.
LOVED <3

// No matter how far we are,
// baby, you're always that near.
// I can feel your breath
// on my shoulders. =)

* Remember that feeling baby, coz i'll bring it to sleep. (=

My head's a very useful matter. =)
My brains are the best.
I'm trying to recall all the events that happened.

Too many to name.
But all was well. haha.

Today's events started REAL early.
I had to wake up at 7.30a.m.
Can you believe it?
ME?! Waking up so early?
You peeps better go buy 4-d soon. lol.

I had an appointment with one
of the dental medical officer.
He just needed to review the condition
of my teeth.
The WISDOM teeth. hah.

Fortunately, everything was alrite.
My mum even had a peep at it and
said it was healing nicely. =)

After which i accompanied
my mum to TTSH.
She needed to collect her medication.
Poor mum, having so much probs with
her body.
We decided to lunch at Hans.
Unfortunately, i didn't see my CUTE guy. lol.
Guess he was on leave?

Was looking at sandals at Charles and Keith,
found one that was nice and cheap,
but only Marina Square had it.

So we had to pop by there and get it.
It was so unexpected.
Instead of buying the one i chose,
i went for another pair instead.
LIke it's being said.
Gemini's are fickle-minded people.
and yes! i don't deny the truth. =)

The sandals i bought cost me $27.
Almost 10bucks more than the
orginal pair i wanted to get.

We shopped around again.
My sis joined us.
Marina Square seems to be a hot spot
for us on Saturdays now.
Wanted to get shorts from Zara.
But no. They're too expensive.
Need to save money.

Ate at the food loft,
crapped like mad.
Laughed till my jaw hurt.
Had to urge to bowl,
so we headed down to Pasir Ris Downtown East,
thinking i would be able to bowl,
i was disappointed.
Major upgrading programme going on.
and I DIDN't even know about it.
How dumb!

In the end, i watched the
Baby Looney Tunes performance.
I tell you, they were so so CUTE.
Feel like bringing them home.
There was Daffy, Tweety Bird, Bugs Bunny and Lola.
Ah, reliving my childhood days. lol

My mum suggested we went to
Tampines Safra and bowl.
I was alrite with it.
Bowled two games.
My score was not that bad,
quite impressive for the first,
but the second one was disappointing.

Met that stupid guy who talked
about my scar and was practically making
fun of me in the MRT,
at Tampines Safra.
How lucky can i get?
My mum was rather protective though.

Sometimes i just love my mum so much. <3

Headed back home,
was so tired.
Packed dinner home as well.
Now i just ate my dinner.
So full, but contented.

LUcky sister of mine,
went dating and i had
to make sure my mum was on the
easy side,
so she won't pester my sis to come
home early.

Just don't wanna see my sister,
suffer like i did.
It's horrible.
Just want my sister to be happy.
=)

P.S - Red one, not to worry.
I'm here for you always no matter what.
So be strong and decide.
You'll always have my support.
- huggies - =)

// I miss you so much baby,
// it's been days since we last met.
// I hope you'd be thinking of me,
// coz i seriously can't wait to see you.
// - LOVED.

* It's different this time, i just know it.

Yesterday was considered
not too bad.
hah.
There's a reason why i
came up with such a statement.

I left the house at around 12noon.
Cabbed down to baby's place.
Poor baby, was all tired out.
Didn't have much sleep though.

Bought a horoscope book for him.
Surprised him with it,
fortunately he liked it. haha.
Coz i didn't even know if it was the correct one.
My chinese is atrocious.
I didn't know what was the content of it,
but when i saw that it was related to his horoscope,
i just grabbed it. lol.

Silly me.
Brought a can of processed chowder
to his house.
I thought of letting him sample something different.
Always the same old stuff,
it's really boring,
sometimes making eating such a chore.

We wtached television.
Hilarious taiwan variety show.
Laughed my ass off. =p
Boiled the chowder for him
and yes fed my dear lover boy.

It was really enriching reading the
horoscope book.
We were practically diasgreeing to many stuffs,
but i was agreeing to most of it though.

After which, we headed for Marina Square.
I so badly needed to get a good bag for myself.
so i decided on the new Puma bag.
Gorgeous i must say. =)

Before that we were at the Esplanade,
and i tell you.
It was B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.
The scenery, the sky, the stars.
my gosh.
i felt like i was floating on cloud 9.

Everything felt so right,
so in place.
Even if i wasn't in a realistic world,
just let it be.
i embrace every moment of it.

We met xp and hazel later,
sort of shopped.
window shopping i should say. =)
Had dinner at Makansutra.
oh. yes!
yummy! but unfortunately,
my mouth still wasn't that functional. lol.

Took such a LONG time to chew on my food.
I seriously think i look like
a born Comedian.
Baby, xp and Hazel were laughing like crazy
coz of my silly actions.
hah.
I think i should enrol in ACT 3 soon. =)

Having our fill, we headed for the sea side,
it was near esplanade.
All the sitting places there,
where you can view all the different buildings.
Short ones, Medium ones and Tall ones. -sweet.

Being the usual convent girls,
xp and me began taking pictures
with Hazel's digicam.
Oh goodness, once we started,
we just couldn't stop. lol.
From poses to poses, i pity her cam.
Xp ; you're just soooo cute!
can i pinch your cheeks?
don't worry, ya still loved. =)

Then we went up to the roof terrace.
i remember that place,
coz i've been there with the Libidos.
-ponders.
it was truly memorable.
but with baby, it was a whole load
of feelings.

We just sat down there and gazed at the stars,
his eyes so mesmerising,
the stars sparklng so bright.
i just couldn't ask for more.
I wished time would just stop.
Watching him lying on my lap,
his embrace fills me with such warmness,
i don't even feel like letting go of him.

But soon, it was time to head back.
For at the other side of the country,
my house was in a mess.
As usual.
No qualms about it.

I came back,
and as usual.
Got the scolding.
The lectures.

I'm sick.
Sick.
SIck.
SICk.
SICK of it.

I need a life.
Give me a break.
Leave me alone.

And FINE.
If you wanna hurt me,
just go ahead.
Go and compare me with all
you FRIENDS
WONDERFUL and PERFECT teenage kids.
Coz seriously,
i don't give a Damn anymore.

I've considered how you feel.
I've put myself in your positions.
I did feel remorseful.
I did what i can to make it alot easier.
But my efforts prove futile.

I'm tired of trying to understand.
I'm tired of always giving in.
I'm tired of being the daughter you want me to be.
I'm just tired already.
I don't even have an ounce of energy left.

I was NEVEr once selfish.
Just this once and i'm
condemned.

Sometimes i wish,
i was just alone
in a dark secluded room.
Just me and my shadow,
leaning against each other for comfort.

// Amidst all my pain,
// i still have my joy.
// Thank goodness,
// i still have you.
// I really enjoyed yesterday very much. =)
// I love you so much. <3

* slash my wrist, stab me. you'd see that i don't bleed anymore.

For starters, the weekend came and went like the wind.
Ever so ready and fast.
Two days was all it needed to end everyone's joy.

I sometimes wonder why there are only two days of rest?
Probably three days will make everyone's life
much easier? hah.

Saturday was a day out for the girls of the family.
My mother (as usual), it was always mother's day
for her. She ought to be thankful man.
Not forgetting, the pretty one of the house,
my younger sister.

Poor lil girl.
She already didn't have enough sleep,
my mum had to be SO wonderful
as to nag at her.
I myself couldn't even tolerate it.
I sileneced them with the intention
to go shopping. =)
That kinda solved everything.

First, we went to bring my lil poopsie
for her grooming at Urban Pooch,
after which we headed for town.
Far East Plaza to be exact.
We went shopping,
took our rounds at all the levels,
saw some stuffs that i liked,
but nah. Looked for better choices instead.

It's been like 3 days since i last stepped out
of the house and trust me.
It was a living hell.
I felt like a cave woman that just got
let out into the modern society.
I was crazy. lol.

Had Long John's for a bite.
Should i say chew?
lol. I couldn't bite for nuts.
So i settled with the clam chowder instead.

Off to Takashimaya,
haha. got some nice tops from Zara.
And yes! i bought woman's stuffs. =)
( not that kinda stuff okay? )

Headed for Heeren after that,
shopped for my lil sis's sandals,
couldn't find what she wanted.

I was however still contemplating
on the Check's bag or the Nike's bag?
Any suggestions peeps?

My mum got tired out,
so we decided to head back home.
On the way, had dinner at 85. =)

As for yesterday, which was a Sunday,
the usual events took place.

Mass for Palm Sunday,
off to lunch at the nearby coffeeshop
and then to TM.

I was shopping again,
yes, now i'm addicted.
All thanks to my lil sis.

Shopped for my office wear at G2000,
wanted to get some short shorts,
but didn't manage to find any,
so we're back home.

My sister forgot to buy foolscap.
so we had to go down to Eastpoint.
haha.
Out again? How busy can we get?
But i enjoy times with my sister.
She's like the closest kin
and the most wonderful person.

You'll never believe it,
we're like sisters, made to be related.
NOT to be seperated.
i'm so so thankful that's she's my sister.

Love you girl. <3

// It's great to know that we've somehow made it
// together again.
// Amidst all the true confessions,
// i still believe that we'd work out.
// and baby, thank you so much,
// for those 7 hours. You are still indeed,
// my NUMBER 1 =)
//Got a lil gift for you, you'll find out what it is soon.
// Hopefully you'd like it.
// Till then, i still LOVE you very much. <3

* No one sees what we've been through, only we can feel it.

Your IQ score is 117!

You are gifted with the natural fluency of a writer and the visual and spatial strengths of an artist. Those skills contribute to your creative and expressive mind. Insightful linguists can take complex concepts and articulate them to just about anyone. You have a gift with words and an insight into processes and the way people think. These talents enable you to explain things clearly to people as you can conceptualise ideas internally and understand patterns on an abstract level.

back from the hospital.
yes, i've lost all my wisdom.

but i still kept my four wisdom
tooth with me.
haha, so i'm still quite wise
after all.

just feel abit giddy,
no appetite.
speech problem.
it's just so WEIRD.

imagine me not talking
i know.
many of you will celebrate
coz u can't hear my voice rite? lol
kidding.

but i was glad i came back
in one piece.
everyone was so caring
and i'm really glad.
praise be to GOD.

thank you everyone!
huggies. =)

be happy people, that's what
life is all about.
follow your heart.

* the seven hours were the best. <3

amidst all the trials and tribulations,
we've conquered it.
let's make it through.

it's all about the MISUNDERSTANDINGS.

i've been pondering over this for an
entire day.

am i really like an animal shelter?
i seriously don't understand.

do i always like people whom i pity?
i don't think so.

hmm . beats me. =)

all i can say is i'm blessed.
and yes!

i enjoyed my time with the GIRLS
that day.
you peeps rock.
just love yer all.
it's been ages since we last met up.

can see everyone's getting PRETTIER eh?
=)

THE LIBIDOS ROCK!

i loved the MEAL though.
so much food! haha.

it was fun yesterday as well.
i enjoyed every moment of it.

thanks for everything bea,
thanks for making my outing
came TRUE. =)

i'm not wrong about my choice.

hate me if you want.

but i do hope you won't pull
my lesbie down as well.
coz she's been there for u no matter what.
appreciate her.

* changes are good. but i still see the old us together. =)

i've done alot,
by just sitting down and thinking
over matters of the heart.

sometimes,
there are many things beyond our control.
we can't always have things
our way.

you know it's not right to hurt
someone,
you know it's not right to leave him like
that,
you know he doesn't deserve such treatments.

and then you realise,
that you're SELFISH.

in this life i made many mistakes.

i made a big mistake
to have hurt you in so many ways.

i didn't mean it.
you know that.

my love for him overpowers everything.

even if i were to do anything,
i can't.

he means the world to me,
i hope you understand.

i don't wish to forsake what we had
and our friendship.
but i'm left with no choice.

we decided on going our seperate ways,
now tell me,
if you'd be happy?

you question if i bother?
i still do care.

- as for you my dear,
i've put everything down,
just for you,
do you appreciate me?
like you always did?

* i chose you ; now tell me if i'm you choice?

boo!

long time eh?

well, i drafted this just yesterday.

so bear with me on the backdated post. =)

i haven't been blogging and i really feel
like doing it now. am in the office and i practically
finished every task that was assigned to me.
hah. i'm fast and efficient ain't i? =)
oh well, i'm too modest already. lol.
work is fun, the environment's good
and the people there are nice.
a pity my friends who were suppose
to work with me end up in some
community centre?!
er. . okay. thanks for the consolation.

today's quite boring because
everything seems so monotonous.
i need some life! lol.
i'm crazy coz P's not here.
prob took a day's off or had
something to attend to.
and NO, i'm not going to tell
you who he is.
gosh, i mean you hardly find guys
who are sensitive to girl's feelings.
oh come on, admit it! haha.

he's just very sweet and nice,
not to mention cute? okay,
shan't reveal too much of P. =)

mel's niece and nephew's party
was great, you should have seen.
not being racist here, but most of them
are indians and only a handful of chinese.
DUH! whose party is it?
i really like mel's niece.
she's so stunning!
beautiful and petite. gosh.
she's going to be the next
bollywood star.
mel's nephew was more to the playful side,
but he's not bad-looking for a kid.
but i became mean when i said he
looked like a potato? lol.
so chubby!
sorry mel. =(

had loads of fun.
no indian guy was as
attractive as my red one.
he looked dashing. *melts*
there were games and i got picked for one
of the 'dancing couple' games.
got paired up with this unknown indian dude.
haha, not bad-looking, just for the fun of it.
this calls for spontaneity. =)
but we didn't win in the end,
lost to an old couple, but hey!
it's for fun rite?
i enjoyed myself very much although
some things went wrong along the way.

poor cow, she met her ex there.
he wasn't good-looking, but okay.
worst of all, his gf looks distorted
and his bunch of friends were crap.
-bleahz-
cheer up girl, everything's in the past,
just leave it.
you're a strong and wonderful girl.
remember that. =)

poor cathy, she had fever
when the party was going to end.
she had been a great help,
be it financially or in the decorations.
just hope you're feeling better now.
take good care girl.
rest well. =)

familiar faces like priya, karvin
and siti. =)
nice to see good old friends.

nit nitw as already the future aunty.
taking extra care of the kids.
boy, she looks like a mother.
and yes, she'll definitely make
a good one. =)

jerrie on the other hand was devastated
coz man-u LOST to liverpool. =)
it was crouch's super magic header,
that scored the winning goal.
now you know, why i got so excited.
*winks*
he lost his appetite but maintained
his composure.
that's good.
i see improvement.

the only sad thing is bea's not around
to join us. =(
miss you girl,
hurry back soon.

hope my valentine's day gift
wasn't much of a hassle to
bring home. =)
and that you peeps like it yea?

shall end off here.
at this rate that i'm going,
i'll never be able to finish.

* a room of warm cold consolation, why does
it feel like i've been here before?

i saw a Julian look alike!
lol.
Jules should have been there.

the way he walks,
behaves,
wears his clothes
and his actions
are defintely
an instant replica.

so cute,
lesbie and i were
laughing out hearts out.

now i know how you look like when
you're younger jules. =)
* hah *

i loved the entire event
at my house on sat.
thanks peeps.
love you all. =)

steamboat again soon yea? -yummy-

my mood wasn't good yesterday.
mainly coz of my work
and also the fact that,
Liverpool lost to Chelsea?
- damn chelsea.

i could have killed the entire team
yesterday if i had a parang.
mass killing! _evil laughter.

i would have admit liverpool lost,
but of course with dignity.

and yes! i think alonso's DAMN cute. =)

haha, a new song's ringing in my head,
check out my blog
and listen to the song.

* love songs. they remind me every bit of our past.

haha! hello people. =)

i'm back, like FINALLY.

well, New Year's been okay,
not too bad.
gatherings were fun.
ang baos were still little,
but hey! i'm contented.

i ain't a hard girl to please.
outings with friends were great.

and i must really THANK GOD.
i got it.
do congratualate me yea?
i'm still blessed after all.

*smiles*

i recently got to know this song.
and yes! i LOVE this song loads.
i'm sure you peeps are familiar with it.

Nickelback's - Far Away

This time,
This place
Misused,
MistakesToo long,
Too late
Who was I to make you wait
Just one chance
Just one breath
Just in case there's just one left
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me and you'll never go
Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore
On my knees,
I'll ask
Last chance for one last dance
'Cause with you,
I'd withstand
All of hell to hold your hand
I'd give it all
I'd give for us
Give anything but I won't give up
'Cause you know, you know, you know

[CHORUS]
So far away(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
So far away(So far away)
Been far away for far too long
But you know, you know, you know
I wanted
Iwanted you to stay
'Cause I neededI need to hear you say
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I forgive you
For being away for far too long
So keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go
Keep breathing
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore
Believe it
Hold on to me and, never let me go(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and, never let me go(Keep breathing)
Hold on to me and, never let me go

* i loved you all along, but you left.

my mum can't trust me.
hah.
for goodness sake.
has she ever did?

my dad says i'm old
enough to be independent,
but are you showing that?

checking on me,
and what's worse?
on my bank account?

this proves your
imaturity and contradiction,
my dear parents.

i work and slog everyday,
just to earn a living
and help with the bills.
trying my very best
to be independent
and be of help to the family,
but it seems i always give trouble
and cause the family
to be torn apart.

i'm sorry.
i'm still a lil girl in all of your eyes.

no matter what, i can never
make decisions on my own.

cause NONE of you
are willing to sit down
and listen.

very well then, just let me be.
always this lil girl,
who's only 9.

tell me when i can voice out alrite?

amidst all these,
i feel that
i LOVE jay's songs
more and more.

oh, he's one talented dude.

i love this song as well.
let ya peeps enjoy it. =)