it's new year's eve peeps.
have a great countdown this year.

my christmas went bad.
my new year's eve too.
geez.
i'm in bad luck.

my parents?
who are they?
they seem like strangers to me.

* i miss my boo

oh well.
i'm sick again.
guess it's love sick.

last night,
my chest hurt so bad.
got admitted into hospital.
-gosh-
tot it was sumthing to do with the heart.
but doc says it's a strain in the muscle.
-sighs-

why am i having such probs lately?
ya noe sumthing weird,
i told my mum and sis,
at that point of time,
when my chest hurt so bad,
i felt as if i was going to die.
ya noe that kinda feeling?
it's hard to explain.
but yar. i felt that way.

wished my baby was there.
wished he could just hold me in his arms.
i would honestly feel better.
i needed that.
but sumhow or rather,
it seems as if we're drifting even further.
i hate the distance between us.
i'm trying my best to work things out.
but i seriously can't feel anything.
it's as if all i worked fer went down the drain...

i don't know.
i don't know.
i really don't know.
my heart aches so bad.

- i missed you.
i missed you.
i still missed you.
but what can i say?
i can't feel it anymore baby..
-sobz- -

* ja breaks down.

oh my..
i can't go out today.
rather sad wor.

wanted to go over,
and mit my dear..
budden can't.

mum's home today.
she's on leave.
dunno y also? ={

- i miss my dearie..
life seems so meaningless,
all of a sudden..
i wanna see him..
i miss him so much..
but...
does he feel the same way too? -

*just hoping fer a better new year.

Merry Christmas to everyone.
it's a joyful season.
just have fun,
and spread the spirit of christmas around.
=)(=

it's christmas..
but yet..
i feel...
really sad...
ain't it suppose to be a happy occassion?

- i love you baby,
i hoped you would understand,
i noe clearly it's been tough on you.
you always wanna spend tym wif me,
but it seems so short.
you claim i dun understand, when i do.
i'd always try to make things easier fer you.
no matter wat happens,
i'll try to go over and see you.
but yet,
all those words,
cut really deep.
so deep,
my heart's bleeding this christmas.
i wished you would really noe how i feel.
i feel terrible..
i just wanna cry everything out.
i miss you alot baby,
can't you see?

*guess my christmas wish din come true.
* santa...i'm really upset.
* my heart's hurting.

it's christmas eve already.
it's suppose to be a hppy occassion,
isn't it?

i remembered...
at this point of time last year,
amanda and i was so ready..
to go over to baby's hse..

- ja ponders contiuously -
i was rushing...
to buy baby,
his fav,
ying mu hua dao piggy bank,
he like this basketball player alot..
heez..
was wrapping the gift in the train.. lol..
it was all so fun,
when we left fer orchard,
n we all countdown together..
there was nutty,[my baby's bro]adam,[bro's friend]xin hua,baby,me and amanda.
we were all spraying those canned confetti stuffs,
at each other..
haha..we had sooo much fun...
the feeling was so special...
was so.........
seasonal...
i could feel the christmas mood...
that was coz i had my baby with me...
christmas has never been the same when my baby,
stepped into my life..[ aww..i miss that time ]
-end-

-back to reality-
but now..it seems...
i have to spend christmas eve alone..
i wanted to go to ecp..
to just sit down by the beach with my baby..
just the two of us..
under the dark blue sky,
just toking abt our r.s thru these months,
how we managed it..
n still we're together...
amazingly,
loving each other...
but it's too far fer him,
he asks me to go there alone.
[sighs heavily]

i noe my baby loves me..
coz he had a choice to choose other people..
but he chose me..
i'm grateful, i tried to gif him my all..
but i realise..when he told me...
i don't seem to be the one fer him..
really?
did i fail real badly?
is our r/s falling becoz of me?

*i wish i could cry out hard, but tears just won't fall.
*it's just that my heart's really heavy and pain [emotionally]
* if that's the case,i'm leaving fer a better place.
* i wanna cry everything out. at the place i love to go.

monday,
tuesday,
wednesday,
been seeing my baby.
gosh. i miss him a whole load.
can't see him today.
-tsk tsk-

woke up so early today.
oh my tian.
gonna do my hair later.
den off to jul's wedding.
oh well..
hope everything goes well.

- baby, i miss you.
hold on till the end.
you know you mean so much to me,
i'm never gonna let you go,
i just hope that during these times,
you'll be supportive of me,
always by my side
and continue loving me..
coz i will never give up,
i'll continue to love you,
till my last breath... -

* christmas is coming, can i have my parents to accept my baby? please?

my life.
what can i say?

my mum seems to detest me.

do i always have to be like that?

why can't i have the benefit of both worlds?

i love my mum.
i love my baby.

how?? how?? how??
will anyone teach me?

*i'm just hoping fer a mircale this christmas
* i miss you baby. can i have a hug?

off to baby's hse.
sat the cab wif my lil sis and jas.
they headed of fer jurong point first.

den baby and i joined them.
walked arn.
played the drum in the arcade.
had Mos Burger's, mussels ; yummy! :)

headed home.
baby took the train wif us.
oh..such a sweetie.
i love him. =)

- baby,thanks fer today.
am so glad i saw you.
u dunno how much today means to me,
i'm really very happy to
sepnd tiem wif u today.
muackz. miss you tons. -

* my baby's ; my man. *

it's a saturday. uh-huh.
dad's really sick.
so he's staying home with the whole family today.
hope he recovers soon. :)

yst, went fer penitential service.
let me tell you.
it was great.
after confessing,
all my various sins.
i felt a much greater sense of relief,
when i confessed abt my prob.
it felt as if a heavy weight was taken off,
from my heart.
i really felt good.
i'm so grateful.
thank Fr Fernandez.

saw my childhood fren.
Vanessa.
oh gosh..
she was gorgeous.
getting prettier.
and me.
the same old pathetic,
no make-up sense girl. lol.

my parents finally bought the vcd.
wheee...
i'm so happy..
am watching it now.
touching wor. :`(

i miss my baby a whole load.
mayb u mite not feel it.
but i really miss you.
wish i could just hold u tight now..

* i want my life with you. love yer` 71.1.17

freek a leek.

i can't get into battleon.

freak man.

all the free slots are taken up.

i wanna play my game. -hur-

home again,
i feel so trapped.
i'm bored.
alritey,
am gonna call my mum now.
i want her to get me,
the outsaider's two vcd.
i wanna watch.
yepz. :)

- this is the result of boredom - lol.

it's the 15th again.
happy anniversary baby.

[[1year 11 months ]]

i'm happy to have made it thru with you.
month after month.
even though,
there has been lotsa misunderstandings,
misintepretations ans quarrels,
deep down inside,
we still got this relationship going.

i'm glad coz we both noe,
that no matter how bad we quarrel,
in our hearts,
we still love each other very much.
n it's not easy fer us to let go.

we won't gif in to defeat rite baby?

today's our day.
n i'm still grounded.
when will i ever get to go out agn?

when will anyone ever understand my pain?

- i miss you alot baby,
wish i could see you,
but sumhow or rather...
even if i wanted to,
u oso wun come dwn to my hse. -

oh well..what was i thinking?
what was i hoping fer?
just wished you knew how i felt.
it's really bad.
but never mind,
love isn't all abt excpecting rite?
it's also about giving.
i hope what i do was all worth while.

i just hope that in our world,
there's only the two of us,
and no one else.

* love yer. miss ya soo much. wanna huggy you so tightty.

i got reprimanded yst.
i got grounded.
i got scolded.
i got insults.
i got everything u can imagine.

one thing's fer sure.
nothing changes my mind.
yes,i'm a stubborn girl.
but i'm sticking to what i believe in.
so no matter what you people try to do,
it ain't gonna work.

you can say, u are sick of me.
but i love him.
i wanna be with him.

all i want fer this christmas,
is fer me to be with him,
under your approval.
santa, will you grant me this wish?

- i'm unable to get out of the hse,
it's miserable,
i feel so down.
i wanna see my baby,
so badly,
wish he could just rush down now,
and gif me a tight hug.-

* i really miss him. i need your hug baby. -sniffs--sobz-

nothing much today.
it's a sunday.
went fer mass as usual.
ate lunch.
came home.

slacked at home.
-gosh-
after exams,
days are really slack man.

now on msn with baby and kor.
oh my tian...
i'm hungry.
i wanna eat.

but most importantly,
i miss my baby a whole load.
i wanna cuddle him.
squeeze him tight.
and kiss him.
-muackz-

alritey..enuff of the mushy stuff.

* i want a soft comfy pillow. *

ohh-oh.
din go fer cyf yst.
they had AGM.
don't know who's leading now.
-hmm- gotta go check it out this fri.

clubbing yst was fun.
with my lil sis and baby.
and many other peeps.
guess i was too into the music yst.
danced non stop - shakes head-
had a great time though.
every minute spent with my baby,
is of precious moments. -muackz-

today's a sat.
no plans.
haf to stay home and acc mum.
-oh my tian-
i wanna go out. -shrugs-

- mayb i felt something,
was it coz of me,
that's y she drowned her sorrows?
i guess....
i can really understand..
how she feels..
her pain...
but..there's nothing i can do..
coz i'm already attached to my baby.
i guess this is fate..
i hope u wun feel so much pain anymore.
i love my baby alot,
i really can't do without him.-

* am always thinking of you. i just wanna hug you all the time.
* love yer. :: ja loves chris ::

today's a friday.
and it's a good day.
coz can go clubbing.
-oh yeah-

been such a long time.
finally can go again.
am so happy.
gonna go with my baby,
and lotsa other peeps. :)

my poor baby's sick,
i gotta go and visit him,
if i can.
i'll try to leave the house early.
i wanna see him and take care of him.
i miss my baby sooo much.
just wanna hug him tight when i see him.

my baby's my addiction. i need him.

woke up so late .
oh my tian.
got lotsa stuff to do.
better get going.
will be updating ltr or 2mr.
yepz.

take care..
i miss all the sec 5.2 peeps.
i miss all the cyf peeps.
and i practically miss everyone..
esp my baby. :)

*hao xiang ni wor. wo ai ni ~

good morning peeps.
now's the hols fer me.
-happy happy- :)

but still,
there's loads of things to do.
gotta help caro finish her blog,
think of ways to save up money,
and pay my debts. *oops
[i'm in the process of saving]

very early in the morning today,
i realise something,
i never thought much about.
about how my baby feels,
after all the expressing
and truth that came out,
it brought tears to my eyes,
not of sadness,
but of happiness and abit of pain as well.
all the things that my baby did..
was all fer me..
bearing the pain of sleeping alone at nite,
suffering the pain of parting,
when i have to go home,
but one thing he said that touched me was,
' i beared with all the suffering because i love you. "

just imagine...
how much he loves me...
he may not express his feelings well,
i may seem not to know..
but deep down inside,
we both know we love each other.
we both know we need each other.

- baby, i know..
- i finally get the whole picture.
- i will live up to my words,
- i will never leave your side,
- this i promise you.
- we're gonna go thru everything together,
- no matter how hard it takes.
- after all we've been thru,
- we both are still very much in love with each other.
- hold my hand,
- and we will walk down the path together,
- making sure our journey will be well lived.
- like all fairytales with forever,
- i wished a reality like ours,
- could prove the world that forever exists.
- baby, i love you..
- missing you always...

*hehe..off to marche ltr with my sis..
*meeting up with her godma and god sis.
*woah..marche..-yummy- i'm hungry.
* lucky lucky me.

^ love my thumb sis. muackzz. ^

waited fer ya call the entire nite.
no calls or msgs from you.
oh well...-shrugs-

it's a brand new day.
it's a wed,
and exams are over fer me.
-yay-
now i can slack all the way ,
till next year.
*happy happy*

alritey..am gonna go over to baby's hse soon.
better be there early,
wanna spend more time with him.
and i don't wanna be the late queen agn.
-chuckles-

`cough cough - okie..wanna go and wash up already.
`i'm hungry. can i haf marche fer lunch? lol..(kidding)

* i misss my baby. hmm... miss miz miss :)

Happy birthday girl!~
haha..my lil baby sis has finally turned 15.
-yays-
may all ur wishes come true,
and may ur life be filled with happiness yea?
wishing u all the best.
-huggies; love yer - muaccckkkz..


go away.. pessimistic me!
i want the old me back.

i'm gonna be strong,
and positive. :)

i miss all of my sec sch friends. :(

- i'm just gonna be the way i am.
it does not matter if it hurts,
as long as u're happy.
love isn't suppose to be selfish isn't it? -

= sleepy sleepy me. *yawns* =

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power, yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things
Define what’s withinAnd
I’ve been there before
But that life’s a bore
So full of the superficial
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all

If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby

Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, Yeah
Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that’s the only way to prove you love him
Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share with no one who truly cares for me
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all

If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain’t got you, you, you
Some people want it all
But I don’t want nothing at all
If it ain’t you baby
If I ain’t got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing

If I ain’t got you, yeah
If I ain’t got you with me baby
So nothing in this whole wide world don’t mean a thing
If I ain’t got you with me baby


- lyrics from alicia keys.
i think i'm relating to the lyrcis alot.
i love my baby.
i really do.
and i hope he knows that. -

feelings fer today.
pretty alrite.

biz law exams?
ask me,
and i'll say skip it. lol
but yet,
it was still alrite.
i manage to do it,
but it was kinda difficult. -grins-

* ja wishes fer dear to just appear rite in front of her now.
* coz baby, i just wanna hug u and kiss ya saying, i can't live without you.

it's a sunday agn peeps.
and i'm not out.

woke up early in the morning,
received a call from wati.
saying it was Mdm Su's wedding today.
-oh my tian-
asked if i wanted to go.
at first i said alrite.

but i was coughing so bad,
even when i was hiding my pain,
my mum found out.
she yelled at me upside down.
lols.
then she said,
'better,don't go. see a doc.ya haf exams 2mr.'
geez..
mum's such a sweetie. love her to the tiniest bits.-muackz-

so i din go.
just wanna wish Mdm Su,
'eternal blessings and
may ur love life continue to bloom.
all the best mdm su. u rock!~ i'm happy fer ya.'

went to the docs,
gotta wait long man.
so mum n i decided to haf breakfast first.
i drank soup and ate 4 miserable dumplings.
don't have much of an appetite these days.
mum had 2 eggs and 2 slices of bread with coffee. -yummy-

off to buy 4-D,
then back to docs.
the doc prescribed me so many medicine.
-arhhhh-
it's driving me nuts! i hate capsules and pills.
coz i can't swallow fer nuts. lol.
[ pathetic rite? i noe..i noe..]
mum also had medicine prescribed to her agn.
she wasn't regaining her voice back.
poor mummy - ja sayangs mum-

back home.
yay!
took my medication.
msged wati,told her i wasn't going.
den off to lala land.
the medicine made me drowsy okay..
i'm not a pig~ lol.
never go fer mass today.
*i'm such a sinner :(
lots of msgs before i cld go to sleep,
so i had to reply them all.- hmm-

i just woke up now.
ate abit of food here and there.
stomach's full,but heart's empty.

- i dunno where this heart of mine is going to,
no msgs or call the entire day from you.
what's happening to us?
are we drifting?
is this what we're all about?
but still, i decided to gif u miss call.
and u called back.
so it's alrite..
i don't wish to talk about it anymore.
you love me,
yes,i'm very clear about this.
but why does it seem all so strange? -

*ja's just trying to be strong all over again.
* 91 and 17..
* are your chapters gonna be the same in my story?

` ending off. baby, i need you. i'm sorry. please don't leave me.

^ on a ligther note. my sis god-pa called and said he had some journalism thingy to offer.
-heez- i'm soooo excited to find out what it's all about. *ja nods head* :)

yay- :(
i'm back.
i'm so tiredz.

woke up early in the morning today.
had 2 papers.
gosh.
think i'm goin to die.

-comm and culture. it was bad.
i forgot the last bit of information.
*wasted. -shakes head-

-management. it was alrite.
had confidence.
did quite well.
but still worried.

`what's wrong wif ya ja?
[reason] i'm still sick.
i was in an air-con room fer 6 hours.
i used up 3 and a half packs of tissue paper okie.
lols..was blowing away and coughing my lungs out.

i'm amazed that i still can do it.

went to acc dearie and his mum.
at IMM.
tot it was only the both of them,
but i saw kristine and her bf.
-oh my tian-
wat was i suppose to do?
so i said hi!~
and she went like...jacinta?
and i smiled.

it was fun though.
talking to auntie [future mother in law? maybe.]
we agreed on quite a few stuffs.
she bought me stuffs to eat.
thanx to her and dearie.

took the shuttle bus with them,
to boon lay mrt station
then went off from there.

~ the journey on the way back home,
was hard.
sitting alone,
with no one i knew around me.
was coughing so bad.
wished i had you to hug.
thought so much on the way back home.
was waiting fer a call or msg from you.
but..nope. nothing.

what was i hoping fer?
i reached home,
but yet no calls from you.
i msged you telling u that i was home,
wishing you would reply,
but u din even do that.
i called you and you said you'd call me back,
in quite a harsh voice.

mayb i'm too sensitive,
maybe i'm over reacting,
mayb u're really busy,
mayb i was disturbing you.

but was i?
or was it just you?

- i don't wanna continue questioning myself.
i just wanna live life the way it should be.
just loving you,
not caring about my feelings anymore.
i'm just a naive pathetic baby who hasn't grown up yet.

* i wanna tell you so bad baby, that i *miss you

back home already.

came home early today.
not feeling well.
as usual.

just now when i was over at dearie's place,
oh my tian.
i felt i could just faint at that moment.
coughed my lungs out,
just like a mad dog. - and still coughing-

was revising abit of my management stuffs.
then a surprise came.
precious baby of mine,
came into the room with pizza.
oh gosh.
at that point of time,
i could just jump onto him,
and kissed him continuously.
coz i told him yst or the day before,
i had cravings fer pizza.
and he did remember.
making it fer me today.
the pizza was yummylicious-
- nods head in agreement-

i enjoyed every bit of it.
every mouthful was just wonderful.

thank you so much baby.
u made my day. :)

` i lurveee you soo much.
to think i felt abit lost earlier this morning. :(

i guess there are times when u really...
make everything seem so comfortable and okay.
you're so thoughtful.
i'm so touched..(=(=(=

* thumbs up fer my baby. the best pizza chef. :) miss ya.

just felt like posting now.
i'm late.
in miting my dear.
goin over to his house.
-shakes head-

guess i was too sleepy,
too tired,
i woke up arn 11.24a.m today.
-gosh-
and i told him i'll be there arn 12sumthing.
-ja and her big mouth as usual-
now baby's disappointed.
:(

am gonna prepare now.
waiting fer my grandfather to come back
and give me money fer today's allowance.
mum din leave a single cent.
yes,
i'm still sick.
coughing my lungs out and no one knows.
i need my baby's comforting hug.

[ ask me,
haf i felt differently?
i'll tell you honestly,
yes..i do.
i don't know why.
my feelings just tell me,
mayb we're really drifting.
i could think of a hundred ways to touch your heart.
you could think of that too,
but once in awhile.]

[ i asked if you could come down,
to see me,
coz i'm sick and can't get out.
but u told me you couldn't.
i was downright disappointed,
but i din let you know.
that very moment was a very important one to me.
i don't know why i'm feeling this way.
sometimes i feel.....
your friends are really important,'just you coming down..
you couldn't do it.
i couldn't do anything except to understand.
why is it that you could do it fer her?
and not me?
it kept me thinking about it....]

*ja's lost and feels like crying so hard, her heart will stop beating and she'll die.
* i seriously love you alot baby..can't you see?

i'm sick.
still sick
sick sick sick.

ja shakes head-

don't like the feeling. my chest hurts. -pain-

i can't go out today.
-hur-

i wanna see my baby.
i miss him.
-sadz-

taufik won singpapore idol.
okay.he should.
he sang well.
he's talented.
but i still like sylvester. :)

[ sylvester rocks. you go dude. u did well. melt my heart yst. ]

* i don't want to be living my life without you in it. JLC *

today.
i woke up early.
7.11a.m
-hah-

got scolded from mum and dad.

then off to dearie's hse.
spent a few hours there.
after which i went home ler.
-gosh- time passes so fast,
everytime when we're together. :(

dearie..
we'll make it thru somehow,
trust me.
have faith in our r/s.
let's put all our past behind us.
don't say we're not suitable for each other.
don't say u're not my cup of tea.
don't push me away.
you know deep down inside ur heart,
u're hurting when u say all this,
you know very well that you're hurting me too.
so why do that?
i know all of this is not true.
i've never felt this way,
i just wanna be with you.
you know i love you alot.
so no matter how hard the tough gets goin,
or how much pain or sacrifices i have to make,
i'm still staying by ur side.
you know i need you baby.

[[ i love you and i'm missing you terribly now ]]

quote of the day: ' love is perhaps the only pain, humans don't always try to avoid.'

meaningful eh? think about it. it's true.

morning people. it's a tuesday.
and i'm still sick.
-faints-
[ cough cough]

okay,let's re-cAp,
all the events that happened recently.

24th November 2004
- cow was in bad luck.
1. supervisor of topman told the cleaner who was an indian,
that cow liked him. [ which was not true ]
she just admires the way he dresses up and how he does his work.
* serious, he doesn't even look like a cleaner. he looks hot! lol..
2. from city hall,
both of us were suppose to take the train back home,
so we crossed the platform directly,
without even realising that it's gonna bring us back to raffles place,
until i told cow that i felt uneasy,
think we took the wrong train, she din really notice much.
she even took a story book out to read.
*hah* true enuff ,it was the wrong train.
both of us were so embarassed, we got off and took the right train home.
3. sat in the right train.
i sat at the corner whereas cow stood in front of me.
opposite us was this ' excessive fats around her body ' gal,
who was totally embarassing herself,
she was practically shouting and yelling at her bf.
what's worse..she was so downright unreasonable.
she even ticked her friend off who was sitting beside her.
her friend din even bother to stop it.
*oh my tian*
then she said abt cow being a black person.
was so freaking pissed off with her.
i told her off and scolded her ..
it just wasn;'t right fer her to vent anger on people.
i don't like people to drag on others.
so what if you like it and u can't take nonsense?
so what if ur bf irritated you?
that's her own business okay.
no one deserves such treatment from her.
Moreover, he bf is really tolerant man. take my hats off him.
oh well..lucky she dropped off at Alujunied.
poor cow..don't worry..
* ja ja's here! * lol...
4. cow came over to my hse.
we were at the bus stop,
wanting to climb the stairs up,
when she almost stepped on dogs poo.
*keke* poor cow..
all this had to happen within a day.

25th November 2004

Happy birthday to my precious lil didi..
Rich..you've turned 22.
may your life be filled with happiness,
and may all your wishes come true.
God bless you. :)

had lessons today.
so during break,
we all went bk to eat.
after which,
zann,shah,jer,cow and me bought a brownie cake,
from Polar fer rich as a birthday cake.
hehe..was so glad to see his face.
he was really happy. :)
he bought fer us ferrero choclates.
*yummy*
den off to dearie's house.

26th November 2004

it's a friday.
last day of lessons.
after class,
went over to dearie's house.
spend quality time there.
*keke*
off to his office with dearie.
helped out with the packingof the cards.
arn 6.15. met my mum.
she bought fer me food before i went fer cyf.
met the peeps,
had dinner with them too.
it was sooooo fun.
played abit of games.
shawn was one of those holding sessions tt day.
*hah* if i still liked him, i would haf stayed.
he asked y i left so fast,
when he was holding session today.
told him i had sumthing on,
he asked me wat was it.
i just told him sumthing urgent.. lol..
*gosh* he's still handsome..looks so much cuter..
without braces. (=

met up with dear at bugis.
yepz..
wanted to go monks.
called people,
but most of them not free...
- shakes head -
so we ended up walking arn bugis.
first, we went to take loveget.
woah..that was like ages ago,
finally we're taking it agn,felt so new.
but the pic that came out was one of the best.
we two looked so good. gosh..
i should say my baby, look drop dead handsome. lol..
i'm falling in love with him all over again.
i should say i look quite pretty too?
-bhb- -self praise- :)
after which, we went to MU ee..
to look arn..
saw these cute sock hp pouches.
the pcitures of the cartoons are so adorable.
so baby n i decided to get a pair.
a pink monkey fer me,
and a blue monkey fer him. :)
i just felt so touched and happy.
it's hardly we go out to shop.
now....the feelin was just so romantic.

we went over to bugis viallage.
wanted to eat pig's organ soup.
coz baby was so hungry.
but ended up eating at a hawker centre further up ahead.
baby wante dto eat kway chup.
but the stall wasn't opened i think.
so we settled fer fried oysters and fried kway teow.
inclusive of 2 cups of apple+watermelon fruit juice. :)
healthy eh? see...we noe how to balance.
then..it was time to go home.
baby took the train to boon lay,
and me the train to bedok.
it was unbearable,seeing him get into the train..
i had this felein..to chase him all the way...
din wanna leave him..
i just miss him the moment he left me...
the feeling was mutual i guess...
coz after i got into the train,
he immediately called me..
*hah* guess that's love fer us.

27th November 2004

it's a sat..
n i slacked my life away.
there was practically nothing to do,
except fer studying.
in the evening,
we went to haf dinner at this place near siglap,east coast.
with my sis godparents n their daughter.
they were so nice.
ordered so much food.
we ate..we chat..we luffed..
it was fun..
n joanna their daughter was one gal with character.
it was very nice to mix arn with her.
after which my parents went home.
n they took us to cafe cartel to haf ice-cream.
gosh..
it was so fantastic..
the ice-cream there was to die for. lol..
ate to our fill...
thanx aunt jay n uncle pat.
joanna..it was fun to tok to you,
n learned many things from you.
you're a bright gal.
you'll soon be seeing urself in a profession u least expected. :)
* mind ya peeps, she's only 6+ * [ unbelievable eh? ]

28th November 2004

it's a sunday.
as usual,went fer mass.
den headed home.
had porridge fer dinner. hah..
basically,
it wa sjust another boring day.
but liverpool match was on with arsenal.
and LIverpool won!~.
*yeah! liverpool rocks .
arsenal..u're just not up to it.
u should haf just put in more effort.
yea..liverpool...liverpool... (=

oh my tian.
- ja's sick-
help..lol..

running a fever,
and having a bad throat.
but thankfully,
spent the whole day with baby.
he took really good care of me.
am so touched.

- love yer loads dearie. muackz. -

time fer dinner..

[[ feeling so weak..wish you were here...miss you.]]

got loads to say,
but think i'll update later.
save me from the tsk tsk of my sis.
geez..can't stand it.

i miss you baby,
i love you baby.
i wanna hold you tight now baby.
- muackz muackz-

hey nutty...happy 21st birthday to you.
may all ur wishes come true.

baby,sorry..
we always haf so lil time together..
but rest assure..
i'll make sure we'll haf more time in the future..
---i love you---

my mum's pissing me off agn..
as always..
dunno watz wrong wif her..
always picking on me.
i'm sick..
i'm tired of everything..
to her..
i seem like a lil small ant..
struggling to survive in her gigantic ant eater midst..
i'm human too...
so treat me like one...
i dun feel the love form u anymore..
ever since u knew i was a les...
nothing's the same anymore...
i feel so lonely...

-blog blog blog-
finally i can blog..
oh gosh..
this comp of mine is soooo..
gonna crash down.. -hmpf-

happy anniversary baby. 15.11.04
[1year10months]

sorry fer the late entry..
but i just wanna say..

*you're my everything and i love you.*
*i just want to know that you'll be with me through out everything*
*coz i don't want nobody if i ain't got you.*

// missing you like crazy.

- i'll update more often if i can.
but..haha..
life's been great..
nothing bad happens..
so i'm just trying to relax..
or should i say...
busy wif assignments..
n preparing fer exams...
- wish me luck!- +winks+ :)

i love my baby. - till the end...............

Today's a sunday...
supposedly meant to be enjoyable..
but i din like this sunday of mine very much.
it din impress me.
what today gave me..
was only a feeling that i'm lost...

very early in the mornin,
arn 1 - 3..
one of the worst part of my life had to happen,
there we go again..
it's all about us saying the wrong things..
what was i suppose to do?
i just couldn't stay long..
it's not as if i had a choice.
i wanted so badly to stay wif u thru out the nite baby,
wished i could just hug u to sleep,
to take care of ya..
but what ya said hurt me bad.
i noe..
it has been very very hard on you,
due ot my parents restrictions and the pressure u're facing..
our relationship is a hidden secret from my parents.
i've alwyas thought how u could actually survive this ordeal,
just to be with me.
coz if it was some one else,
they'd leave me fer good.
therefore..
no matter what happens,
i keep telling myself,
if u could deal with it and take it in ur stride,
why can't i just be abit more understanding?
u could just go with someone else,
but u stayed.
that gives me more reason to love you even deeper.
but i hope that..
at least u could put urself into my shoes sometimes.
all i need is a lil bit of understanding.
i could take the risk of staying over,
n letting my parents hunt me down,
they can jolly well kill me if they knew i was with you,
but what if they were not coming fer me but fer you?
do you noe how scared i always get..
i can suffer all those beatings,
but to see you hurt is so much more painful..
than the physical pain,
coz i'll be emitionally damage,
dun say things that u dun want to baby.
express yourself n open up to me.
coz if u dun, i'll never noe how u feel.
you noe...
i love you too much,
i just wish that sometimes you'll be happier with me.
coz i'm thankful and happy with you.
really..from the bottom of my heart.

my heart breaks whenever we quarrel,
over some matters which really seems bad.
just want us to be happy.
would you?
help me on this journey?
coz i'll never give up.

went fer my sis con camp thingy,
had mass.
saw lotsa cyf peeps,
geez..it's been so long,
but ppl still rem me..
-aww..that's sweet-
really miss them loads man..
guess i'll be popping down next fri..
-hehe- anyone happy? :P

really wanted to meet dearie today.
dad din allow me to go out.
-aiyo- expected.
what to do?
i'm left with all the setbacks again.
-faints-

- Madam misses Sir a whole load. -
*going crazy*
some one..please call woodbridge? lols.

thank goodness..
i can finally update my blog.
first,i din have time,
coz my sis uses it 24.7.
ya noe it's hard to get her to lend ya man.
the next thing,
wld b my comp,
giving loads of probz.
if my dad knew abt this,
he's gonna kill us. -hah-

it's been so many days..
so long...
so many things happened..
but i'm glad fer all that has happened..
coz i noe i've become stronger.

- baby,
we've been thru so much.
so hard to tok to you.
wished we had more time together.
n i just hope that u noe..
u never leave my mind..
u're all that i think abt.
thanx fer the cut elil donkey keychain,
that says; [iloveyou] whenever u press it's tummy.
it's simply adorable.
i reallt treasure it.
i love you sweetie.
i just hope u understand everything tt i'm doing.
i'm still a lil girl,
i'm growing..
gif me a lil more time.
to show u that i can be your girl. always. -

- sealed with love,ja loves chris. -

better start bloggin now..
if not i'll have no chance.
-hah- u all noe what i mean.

ysterday was slack day.
all i did was rot away.
stayed home thw whole day.
ain't i a good girl? -winks-

today..went fer the usual afternoon mass..
met up wif cow to gif her the calculator..
dunno wassup wif this girl..
she had to re-take her maths paper.
reason: fer fun!~
conclusion: crazy girl..-arggghhh- i hate maths! lol..

after which..
joined my family with my sis confirmation god parents.
had lunch together..
woah..
we really can communicate..
my sis is so lucky.
she's got all the good things reserved fer her.
oh well..
no worries, i dun envy her.
-hah- i'm happy with my life the way it is.
coz we're two different people. :)

went off..
on the way to my dad's van,
saw annabelle and jack.
oh gosh..they look so cute as a couple. (=

reached home.
decided to slack my life away.
haha..sounds so ironic.
played reversi with my sis.
den my mum n dad took belle to the groomer's.
geez..wished belle had long fur.
she'll definitely look chio.
-whistles- :)

tok to dearie fer awhile just now.
poor him.
fone's playing tricks on him again.
guess it needs sum psychological repair. lol.
had instant noodles fer tea time.
watched 'ai qing bai pi su' again..
haha..just love the shows.
or should i say i love all these drama serials..
the story lines are just so romantic n touching. -tears-

just took my bathe..now blogging..
woah..i feel good..
-nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.. -
alritey..better stop here..
before my parents get back..
ciaoz peeps..

- i love you my baby.
u're always in my heart.
if we could alwyas communicate well..
n do less with quarrels..
we'll be the best perfect couple.-

[ja's wish of the day]
* I wish to see my baby now..i misss him sooo much... *

A:

Your Beauty liesin Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most
likely look far younger thanyou are and your smile would brighten up anyone's
day. Seen as naive andsheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for
the most part, it's simply yourreputation preceding you. You are most likely
rather aware of the realities oflife. You are extremely good natured and
trustworthy. By the same token, you area bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest
and open as you. You mightseem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies,
and things most might deemyou "too old for". But this doesn't
bother you. You enjoy your youth and aregoing to make it last. After all you are only as
old as you feel.

Some ThingsThat Represent You:

Element:Light, Wind Animal: Kitten Color:
White, Pink, Pastels Song:Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney
Expression: Innocent Smile

Gemstone:Diamond Mythological Creature: Unicorn
Sign: Virgo Planet:Moon Hair Color: White Eye Color: Silver

Quote: "Astranger is just a friend you haven't met
yet."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Amazing Pictures And Ten Detailed Results::.. All Fixed!
brought to you by

Your so cute anyone would think your cute. Even the
grown ups:) Probaly any boy would run up to you
with flowers and cute stuffed animals like
you;) Just look at you. Your adorable:)

What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by

the prob why i don't get to update often,
is not becasue i don't want to or i don't have time to,
i just can't.
because my wonderful sister keeps hogging on the comp 24.7.
- grinz-
haha..
complain..complain..and more complains..
hope she reads this.
(hahs) anyway,
i still love my thumb sis!~ -muackz-

oh my tian.
finally..
i get to blog again.
*hah* coz most of the time,it's my lil sis who's using the comp.

got this off rachie's blog.
decided to give it a try.
darn..i din expect this result?! lol...

Jacinta was a Narrow-Minded Gladiator in a past life. http://quizme.stvlive.com/pastlife/quiz.php

and this is the result of my lil dear..
*haha* just the opposite of his character now.
i should be him n vice versa. lol.

Chris was a Talkative Side-Show Preformer in a past life. Discover your past lives @ Quiz Me

today was fine.
went over to dear's hse.
watched the andy n sammie show.
i think it's titled.
[ long feng dou] - yesterdayoncemore.
u peeps should check it out.
it's real good.
i cried. lol
just slacked wif my baby.
gosh..
miss him so much...
man..the feeling's just too tormenting.
am so glad to haf spent quality time wif him.
sorry baby,u gotta waste $ again.
reached hm arn 6p.m
yepz..
ttz basically it.

- i love you
- i love you
- i love you

-wish you could come to my school tomorrow n gif me a surprise...-
* ja dreams on*

happy halloween peeps!
*boo* *boo* lol.

today's been a-ok..
yepz..
went fer mass wif mum n sis only.
dad could not make it,
coz he had to work O.T.

went fer swimming afta tt..
haha
cool..
nice..so long nia go fer a swim.

yepz..practically..
ttz abt it..
yepz..gotta go now..
my pathetic mum is starting her nonsense agn..
-nitez-

[ i love you baby,
miss u so much today.
wish i ld just hold u.
sometimes,
u just make me wonder...
u can go out n mit ur frenz..
but when it comes to me,
asking u to go out just fer once to acc me,
it just seems so diff fer u..
i noe i'm ur gf,
n i ought to understand..
but can't u just do it fer me?
at least just once...
is that too much to ask fer?
*sighs* ]

`ja's missing my baby a WHOLE lot. muackz** :)

it's a friday again.
lol..
wanted to go clubbing..
but man..
i can't..
-pouts-

went over to dear's hse afta class..
haha..
as usual..
just can't go on without seeing my baby..
geez..i just love him so much..
had lunch together..
had fun..
n joked around..
woah..the feeling was great.. :)

went home..
reached hm arn 7p.m..lol
so late rite?
oh well..
but manage to catch singpaore idol..
oh my tian..
christopher's out..
-sadz-
he's cute n handsome..
but he can't sing..
-alemak-

okie dokie..
gotta go now..
my pathetic lil sis is making noise..
ciaoz peeps..
nites..

- love ya baby- -muaccckkkzzz-

i don't noe where to start.
what to say.
it seem so strange.
everything's in a vagues vision.

i miss you.
i miss the old you.
i miss the old us.
i miss the old me.

just how am i feeling now?
-confused-
-troubled-
-upset-

[idon'tknow]

- why do we have to always quarrel?
over trivial matters?
sometimes,
i don't noe y u just flare up/
i don't noe..
sometimes, i feel..
you don't understand me.
there are times when ur words hurt.
or when i expected something,
i get disappointed.
what do i do?
i love you,
n i dun wan things to go sour.-

// poof* wished i knew what to do //

- `ja's in a confusing state, i miss you.

* i do love you. (baby,u've always been the one) = muackz=

a gradual change.
in many of our lives.

some people part.
some people get together.
it's amazing,
how us, humans.
actually get all emotional.

we are in deed..
very fragile persons.

why in this world,
when one person suffers?
the other is rejoicing?
is it fair?
we often question.

but we never really sit down and think,
why do things happen this way?
do we really want it?

[ don't hurt anyone, if you don't want to get hurt. ]

- do what you want others to do unto you. -

live life well.
life's short.
u'll never noe,
when u'll be gone from this world.

( i just want to take this opportunity and say,
i love every single person that came into my life. )

all these precious moments
with you by my side
must be a gift from heaven
that's holding me all night

i donno how i found you
i'm thankful dat i had
now that i have a love so true
to hold to keep to share

in my heart i can no longer hold inside
all of the love i use to hide
i'll always be with you until the very end

in this world there is no place
i'd rather beyou are my life my soul my boy
it's thru it all
i know u'll come to see
that u'r ethe one till the end
all my friends around me
say u'll be gone too soon
baby im gonna make them see
we've found our way back home.

[[ baby..i just want to spend the rest of my life with you. ]]

- you noe i love you-

--> i have only one wish. just let me be with him. i love him.

15.10.04
-happy anniversary-
[[1year9month]]

- i love you -

- happy birthday mummzy -- i love you -

oh gosh..
sorry fer the late entry..
man..blogger hates me i think..
lol..
dun let me blog fer days.

i've just got so much to say.
n i dunno where to start.

past few days haf been good.
n i'm really cool wif it.
had school as usual.
friends are so fun.
they really brigthen up ur day.
n i 've come to realise alot of things.

- life cannot be measured,
all u haf to do is treasure it.
do good deeds.
refrain from hurting ppl.
life wld be much happier.
misery is the result of pain.
what we should do..
is never to forget how we came into this world.
it's not all about one's self.
it's abt everyone around us.
all is influential..
just love everyone.
love those hu hate you.
fer u never noe..
what life brings to you.-

[[ i love you baby,
n i'll continue to love you.
i noe my actions has been rather cold.
coz i really need to think...
i will stick by u always...
i just need to think..
i want us to be back..
just like the old time. ]]

- anti-dine..
dis is fer ya.
stay away from my sis.
dun tok bad abt her.
u think u're very great.
but u dunno that by doin this,
u make urself small.
coz all u noe is to criticise ppl.
but u never thought abt urself,
no one is perfect,
so dun judge.
cut all ur childish acts n grow up.
if u're matured,
u should noe what to do.
life should not be wasted.
if u wnana say,
say rite in front of her,
dun be afraid of ur actions,
just state ur stand.
reflect on urself first. -

15.10.04
-happy anniversary-
[[1year9month]]

- i love you -

oh gosh..
sorry fer the late entry..
man..blogger hates me i think..
lol..
dun let me blog fer days.

i've just got so much to say.
n i dunno where to start.

past few days haf been good.
n i'm really cool wif it.
had school as usual.
friends are so fun.
they really brigthen up ur day.
n i 've come to realise alot of things.

- life cannot be measured,
all u haf to do is treasure it.
do good deeds.
refrain from hurting ppl.
life wld be much happier.
misery is the result of pain.
what we should do..
is never to forget how we came into this world.
it's not all about one's self.
it's abt everyone around us.
all is influential..
just love everyone.
love those hu hate you.
fer u never noe..
what life brings to you.-

[[ i love you baby,
n i'll continue to love you.
i noe my actions has been rather cold.
coz i really need to think...
i will stick by u always...
i just need to think..
i want us to be back..
just like the old time. ]]

- anti-dine..
dis is fer ya.
stay away from my sis.
dun tok bad abt her.
u think u're very great.
but u dunno that by doin this,
u make urself small.
coz all u noe is to criticise ppl.
but u never thought abt urself,
no one is perfect,
so dun judge.
cut all ur childish acts n grow up.
if u're matured,
u should noe what to do.
life should not be wasted.
if u wnana say,
say rite in front of her,
dun be afraid of ur actions,
just state ur stand.
reflect on urself first. -

today has been a good day.
hehe..so far so good..
came hm arn 7.40p.m..
haha..late rite?

well..had journalism class today.
n it was fun..
sat wif shah,cow n bea..behind us were rich n jer.
zann din come..coz she was a lil sick.
hehe..our family is just so funny...
jer was ultra handsome today..-lol-
special occassion mar -bleahz-
we had fun as usual,
with the occassional crapping n laming.
i just love my "family"..

after sch,
went over to dear's house.
ate lunch together.
hehe.
spend sum quality time..
past few days had sum probz.
but all's well now..lol..
am really happy just to see my dear..
seeing him everyday is a joy to me.

-baby..sumthing's wrong sumwhere..
i just dun feel the same anymore..
i'm not tokin abt the feelings,
my love fer you..
but the way u present urself..
it's as if.........
things are so different now....
how would i noe?
that after all our ordeals...
we'll still remain strong?
fer the tears tt i've cried,
the hurt tt i tried to hide..
n the continuous pain...
the stabs in my heart...
tt's slowly killing me...
pieces of shattered me...
falling....
sinking...
i just want to noe tt..
no matter what happens..
u'l stand by me..
just like i did fer ya...
if u feel that u dun love me as much as i do..
can u make the effort?
would you?
that's all i need to noe...
fer all i'm living fer is you...
[[i love you]] -

- mayb we can't see each other this whole week.
but i just want you to noe..
that no matter where i am..
i'm constantly thinking n missing about you..
u've never left my mind..
from the moment i wake up till the moment i go to sleep..
u mite not noe..
but there's so much i haf to say baby..
you noe i love you..
n that i'll go all the way fer ya...
even if it means risking my life..
for all i'm living fer..
n all i ever want to do..
is all fer you..
i'm sorry if i made u feel like that..
but i'm gonna pull thru everything..
with you..
n stay by you..
just dun push me aside will you?
let me stay by ur side..
to love you n be there fer you..
i just want to do that..
just want to see ur smiling face..
ttz all that matters...-

- baby.i love you..dun leave me -

i feel that i've known u fer so long,
but now u're like a stranger.
i miss you.
i really do.
all i ask fer.
is fer u to stay by my side.
i need you.
i really do.
mayb u dun feel the same way.
but i'm afraid to lose you.

[[ you presence is my existence ]]

--i love you..i always will --

i miss you..
i really do..
baby..
i just wanna treasure you..
coz i noe..
i've finally found the one...
i love you sooo much..
-
-ja loves chris -

had a fantabulous friday today.
haha..one of those good fridays.
almost everything seemed well..
all things went smoothly..

first of all..
was quite early fer class..
it was great.
had fun as usual.
jul's was funny today.
oh well...
his classes are always funny n crappy..
but yea..gues si like tt kind of lecturers..
hmm..n one thing abt him is that...
he looks exactly like her..
his habits n the way he presents himself..
reminds me so much of her..
the way he calls me jac...
- geez...-

went fer break wif the peeps..
the usual..
haha..they're really a bunch of cool peeps..
brigthens up my day always..
especially my lil didi..richard..you rock dude..
haha..not forgetting..
cow-well..cathy..zann n jer..heez..

afta tt..
left the class half way..
during break..yepz..
went over to dear's hse..

-aww..my dearie is such a sweetie..
he prepared lunch fer me..
oh my tian..
he cooked..
oh gosh..
// ja melts //
he is just such a darling to me..
- love ya always baby.. muackzzz // -
was just crapping n snuggling together..
love my baby so much..
missing him every single split second..
but time always seems so lil when we're together..
wished fer more time.. [yupz]

off to home.
dad scolded me.
geez..wat wrong?
i came back quite early rite..
dots man..
came home,
slacked..
tok to dear..
took a long nap.
so tiredz..
woke up..
watched the results of SI..
stupid!~ david's out..
he's good okay..
darn it..
why must christopher haf the looks??
he sings BadlY..- dots wor -

alrite.y.now just blogging..
ttz all..
i just wanna say..

[ i miss you baby, hope ya feel the same way too.. ]

my day..
how did it go?
you ask??

|| Dear..i feel that you love me,
but why is life doin this to us?
i dunno..
i'm just so caught up in my emotions.
apologies fer my sensitivity.
i love you..
n i've been missing you sooo much..
i noe tt u're truthful..
but y is it that it happens occassionally..
a feeling that i myself can't explain..
it makes me feel upset...
or is it just me?
i can't afford to lose you..
i guess i'm so much more afraid of losing you..
than you are of losing me..
i'm putting in all the effort i can baby,
n i can see tt u're trying..
but i need to feel our passion once more...
just love me more everyday...
would you? ||

// towards you,
my feelings haf definitely faded..
we're just friends now..
n i hope tt we can be frenz forever..
coz i wanna stand by u,
when u need someone..
just as a friend..
a very good friend..
my feelings fer u has totally faded..
you noe..i loved you once soo much..
but it's all over now..
n i really hope that i wun end up the same way,
for my this relationship..
dumped and left forsaken..
i've found my happiness...
i really have..
you don't have to worry abt me.. :)
but u've left singapore..
and as a friend,u din even tell me..
i haf to read your blog..
anyway..just want u to take care..
wherever you are..
farewell jac.. //

- ja's left here......just basically loving chris 24.7...
she'll do this till she's gone one day...some day... -

woppsie..my baby saw my blog..
pai seh can..
so long nia update..

geez..actually i've got sumthing fer ya dear..

- Dearie..i love you,i miss you
there are just os many things to say,
but i dunno where to start.
ideally,life's been great..
ever since u stepped into my life.
i've learned how to love..
n experience it.
wif u by my side..i wun haf to fear.
u noe tt u're the only one in my life..
just rem..
no matter what happens,
i'll never gif up...
[muackz] 71117 -


// love is when two people who care for each other get confused //

my life has been fine so far.
not too bad.
at least i haf my dearie n friends to stand by me.

nic..i hope u wun do anything to ruin my life agn.
i just got it back.
if u really want our friendship to continue..
stop being childish..
n stop tryin to ruin other people's lives.
i'm serious..
if u actually do that..
i'll not forgive u,
what's worse i'll prob beat ya up.
u've been testing too much of my patience.
stop it!

-dearie..thankew..
for everything u've done..
u've been really great..
i love you more each day..
may we always stay together..
no matter what happens..
i'm missing u soooo badly now..-
[muackz n hugz]

// i just ate porridge..gosh i'm full //

i wanna eat cookies and cream ice-cream...-yummy-

wanting to find a satisfactory life.
longing fer a comforting hand.
someone to hold me,
n tell me everything's alrite..

i love you
i still do.
i always will.

---i miss the old us ---

dun worry..i'm alrite already..
thanx to jac and my mei dorcia esp.
bcoz u both haf been supportive.
thankew so much..
-huggies-

i'm back again.
now with a whole new resolution.
ain't gonna give up what i've worked fer so hard.
am not gonna gif up my r/s wif him.

i love him.
and that's all that matters.

-mum n dad -
forgive ur daughter's stubborness.

alritey..fer today..
went fer class,
met up wif bea and cowell.
funny man..cowell was tokin abt -ahem- all the while..
-geez- scandalous eh?
oh well...-smiles-
met cathy,zann n shahrom at our sch entrance.
went to class together.
had lessons.
was basically crapping n laming.
Richard was ultra funny..- u rock man dude-
jeremy was cute..
i dun understand y alex like to tease him..
-alexx..dun b mean ar..- :P

went to eat at the [ ar-chi-par-lar ] place.
that's where we always hang out nowadays.
hehe..really had fun today..
njoyed my class so much..
except fer the fact that Nic came to class..
oh my tian..
the sight of him now makes me detest him..
i dun understand y..
n he said that i was a mediacorp broadcaster..
meaning that i'm so kpo.
to tell ppl abt his affairs..

come on..
i dun haf so much time fer u ok?
ur matters dun concern me.
i can't be bothered with u anymore.
just wish that u can vanish from my sight.
you noe what..
i'm beginning to HATE u even More..

went to dearie's hse.
slacked.
played game.
den off fer home.
dearie went over to ah ma's hse.
n so i went home.
-gosh- am so tired..

zZZzzzZzzz - sleepy ja..

toodles..i'm goin off..enuff of today.

i miss you baby..`71117

i guess i'm going to vanish tonite.
i guess i'll be in heaven tonite.
i guess my life will just end this way.

i wished things wouldn't end this way.
would my mum ever noe...
how much she's hurting me?
i love her alot....
but why must she do this to me?

why do u keep checking on me?
i dun understand...
can't i even keep him as a friend?

i love him..
i will always do..
nothing u do will change my view..
even if u killed me..
i'm still gonna love him..

would anyone help me?
my heart's broken..

i just want to die knowing that i love him..

once everything's back to normal..
i'll return..
but fer now..
i just feel like sleeping..fer a very very long time..
not waking up at all.........


[[ ja's breaking down ]] ---- havin suicidal thoughts

i'm glad i was able to see you again.
nowadays, both of us must be on our guard.
what to do?
i just want to tell you i love you.
n i miss u 24.7.

i'm sorry fer feeling this way.
u've proven that u do truly love me.
but i guess i was just too scared..
too afraid to lose you..
i din mean to feel insecure..
i just do..

hope that i'll be forgiven.
i noe how many times i've hurt u.
[[ sorry ]]

- i miss you -

what is considered fair in love?
is it just a game fer some?
or a commitment fer others?

why do we sumtyms choose to run away?
whydo we choose to avoid it?
why do we sacrifice so much to be with our loved ones?
why is there so much pain in what we perceive as 'love'?
is the amount of happiness more than the amount of pain?

when is there ever a chance...
when we get to enjoy life-time happiness?

i sometimes can't help..
but think..
i love you so much...
but yet i feel...
i'm not the only one...
i noe how we feel abt each other..
how we care..
how much we put into the r/s..
but.....
y is there still this sour feeling in me?
i'm happy with you..
really am very happy...
but...
would you stay by my side forever?

that's my question..................
i guess i'll never be able to get the answer...........
coz we'll never noe what will happen next....

i've learned a good lesson.

i should say..
in life..there are always setbacks.
some of which we ourselves don't expect it to happen.
what should we do?
i hate to admit it.
but i guess that's just how life goes.

with our parents to guide us,
we just have to follow.
i noe it's fer the best of me.
but i should say..
for once,i would like to go against their will.

i'm sorry mum n dad.
fer my stubborness.
but i would like to ask fer ur forgiveness.
i don't want to hurt any of u.
but i really love chris.
i wanna be with him.
in this life, i'm going to be with him.
just let me be..
alrite?
please?
don't ruin my future.
without him..
i'll vanish..
even if u took him away from me.
all u haf left of ur daughter here..
is just her body..
but not her soul n heart..

would god be so kind to grant me this wish?
i hope so.
i'll pull through till the end.

until u tell me you don't love me anymore dear...
i noe in this case..
u've always been on ur guard.
living this life with me.
i don't want to see you upset or suffer.
i jsut want you to be happy.
but if u really can't take it..
tell me..
i'll let you go..
no matter how much it hurts..
or how my heart breaks..
coz i noe that's the best way out..
n when that happens..
dun bother abt me..
i'll be fine...
just rem tt i love you...

i noe tt w/o u..
life will never be the same again.
i'll never stand up agn.
i'll lose hope n break down..
but i just want u to be happy..

[ ja loves chirs fer all eternity ]

--- ja's trapped..help me...---

i'm now really seriously hating someone.
i dunno wat to say abt tt person.
first of all,betray me.
den tell my mum abt me.
den afta tt act so nic ein fornt of me..
such a hypocrite.

i dun believe it.
u cheated me of my feelings.
u cheated on our friendship.

-i hate you fer life-
[[[bear that in mind nicholas chee wei jun]]]

i love my dearie loads..
miss him lots can..
nowadays on tite schedule.
mum n dad keeping a very close eye on me..
geez..
things wouldn't haf ended up like tt ..
bcoz of sumone..
can't stand him...

for the first time..
i'm very angry..
he's such a pain in the neck.

i love all of ya peeps.
z.y,maya n cowell..
a very big thank you to u all..
u ppl rock..
muackz..
sorry to trouble u all...

trust me..
if summore of my friends get dragged it..
i'm not gonna let u go nic...

i've never been like tt before.
YOU are the cause of my change.

-i hope everything wld be fine soon-

my heart got broken once again.

i wonder why.

after all the effort i put into our r/s.

all i get from u is a word of break up.

do you know how much it hurts?

but we're back again.

it all happened so fast.

i sometimes ask myself,

is it me u really want?

i love you no matter how many times this happens...

i just hope u wun hurt me again.

i miss you___

back ter bloggin agn.
oh gosh.
what am i doin at home on a fri?
- i feel so banned-

well..wrap up of der day.
went fer school as usual.
ended at 12.30p.m
haha..
lazed arn in sch fer a while.
need to discuss sum stuffs.
we're having some group assignment comin up.
n guess what?
i'm the leader of the group.
-pouts- tot i cld get away frm leadership roles.
haha..but there it goes agn.
i'm dumped wif it agn.
oh well..dozen matter.yepz.just haf ter do my best.

just found out my group consists of 5peeps.
haha..
4 r guys n i'm the only gal.
the gal the leader?? dozen make sense to me.lol.
but the guys in my grp are cute.
-hah- lionel..the giant of mine,wonderful pool pro.
alex,just got to noe him,kinda hip hop man.
mitchell,soft spoken and cute.has a very innocent impression.
nic,a funny,nice n cute guy to most young teens. a young teen gal killer. lol.
me..the usual rough,hyper,loud character of mine stays. -grinz-

went str8 home,
oh gosh,
what am i doing?
board the train wif mel,zann,cathy,bea,lionel,shahrom.
cowell had to work,so she headed off to outram.
the rest dropped at raffles city.
lionel stayed but dropped off at bugis. pool agn fer him,as usual --hah

my wonderful dearie,
accompanied me all the way home.
tokin on the fone,
crapping n luffin as usual.
just love him to the tiniest bits.
had lunch at the same time.
bathed at the same time in our own homes.
now he's off to his bro's sch fer sum streaming event.
i'm here blogging and just slacking away.

i'm stuck at home.
coz i had a lecture frm my dad agn.
what's his prob?
geez..if u dun like the way i am,leave me alone.
i dun need u to tell me what to do.
i'm already 18.
i got into this mess coz you harmed me.
i dun understand y u did it.
but i hope it wun happen agn in the future.
we're still friends yea?

- i belong to the society where u'll never understand.
- i love my boy alot.
-n i will never leave him.

`ja's upset wif nic....................
`ja loves my dearie.............
`ja hates my mum and dad...........

[ just accept me fer who i am ] ---- that's all i have to say....

nic-

this message is specially fer you.
i hope u understand.
i'm not trying to put the blame on u fer everything.
but do u noe how stressful it gets?
i noe i'm in the wrong.
i shouldn't haf shouted at you.
dragged on you.
it's not right.
i solely apologise [ i'm really very sorry]
i noe no matter how many sorries i say,
things will never be the same agn.
dun think tt u're the only one huz hurt.
i din mean to put u into such a position.
but i really detests the way u view me nw.
now i finally realise sumthing..
u never accepted me the way i am.
i am a lesbian.
but u nia accept it.
u always want me to turn str8 n look fer guys.
but let me tell u sumthing str8 n clear here.
i will never turn str8 coz of u or my parents.
i believe i haf the right to choose.
i love chir s alot,
n no matter what any of u do,
i'm gonna stick by chris always.
i hope u get tt str8.
i seriuosly get pissed off by u,
when u made tt statement.
dun detests the lesbians in the world.
coz u really haf no right to do so.
i noe our friendship could haf been gone by now.
but no worries,
i dun wish to bother u anymore.
n i wun let my mum call u agn..how abt tt?
u always screw things up fer me.
y cant u just say u dunno anything fer once?
do u noe tt u always provide information to my mother.
so tt she can check on me.
YOU are the one...
i'm sorry to say tt..
i dun hate u..
i just dun understand y u detests lesbianism..

- mum

i HATE it when u check on me.
i HATE it when u pretend that nothing happened.
i HATE it when u treat me so nice,when behind my back u do awful things.

i'm a big girl now.
i noe how to manage.
i've been coming home earlier den last time.
y dun u trust me?
n gif me another chance.
what hurts me most is not u checking on me.
but itz coz YOU CANNOT accept the fact that i'm a lesbian.
YOU will NEVER accpet me for who i am..

`ja's totally disappointed and upset.

- hopes to drift back to the time when i was a baby...
no troubles at all............. -