From bed...

I trust her fully, no I don't.
I keep telling myself that I love her, maybe.
She continues blogging about mystery M, she wants to keep it a secret.
So if I say, I will never love her as much as I loved my ex, what would have happened?
Nothing, she simply wouldn't have bothered.
I'm marrying her body, part of her heart and none of her soul.
It's irritating when she asks funny random questions:

Q: do u like indon girls?
Q: would u still want me if I was fat and ugly?

Lying in bed, there seems to be countless more qns that I cannot recall.
If u ain't bothered, don't ask such things.
Simply be with me because I love you.
That's the only reason anyway.

I take whatever words u say with a pinch of salt. It's true and it's not true. Do u have a split personality?

lies and deceit

I don't usually tell lies, unless they are white.
But if I do, then there is really a good reason for doing so, especially when it comes to protecting my weekends from idiots and the mundane idiocy of work...

awakening

Lake Toya - the most beautiful place I have ever been in.

The moment I was there, I felt like I was in familiar territory. Perhaps I was born there in my previous life.

Everything was so quiet and calm. I could spend the rest of my life by that lake.

Why do people have to talk?

BFG

Stuck in a BFG and not knowing what to do. A waste of time, something which I can ill afford. Being in an awkward situation and wishing you had a rifle to gun everyone down.

Thoughts coming in pieces... A wonderful night that just passed. So memorable so sore so nice just thinking about it.

XXX - I thank someone up there for bringing you into my life.

reaction

her reaction and the aftermath of the BB incident - will allow me to gauge what am I in her eyes

maybe a phone is more important, no matter how new it is

Joe Sorren - Feather Shirt and Branches

Perhaps the dedication is better spent elsewhere, with far better rewards...

expectancy

i live by this word ' expectancy '

there are no extra rewards for doing work that shouldn't be done by me in the first place

i feel so tired that i wanna sleep on my comfy bed with cool air on my face

i feel irritated by people who constantly bug me, for better or worse

i love it...

1) when everyone is out for lunch, leaving me alone to do my magic.
2) when I am alone and I get time to myself with no one talking like an idiot around me.
3) when people don't go into details on the subjects that they talk about.
4) when I have lunch alone later (since all my kakis have left the company) and I get to wonder if I should do the same as them.
5) when its mid-day on Monday and weekend is only 4.5 days away.
6) when I do not know what's gonna happen the next moment.
7) cos my cough is finally getting better.
8) cos the weather has been fantastic with all the gloom and lightning.
9) cos the people I don't like are currently not around.
10) cos I love myself and I feel how lucky I am despite me bitching about everything else.

I wanna eat tow-hway from Old Airport Road again...

grandma and songworm

Granny appeared in my dreams yesterday, in the exact same place where she lived in when I was very young. She came back, I was standing at the doorway, and she was exhilarated when she saw me. She gave me a hug, and I felt like I was in ultra familiar territory. It was so warm. It seems like I have not seen her for a very very very long time, and the feeling was so mutual. I didn't realize at that point in time that she was already long gone. Dreams can just be so nice and sweet.

Woke up with a song-worm meandering through my head. Cannot remember the title but it was a song from a bygone era. Almost Elvis-like, but no, it wasn't him.

so...

Q : do you still love her?

A : yes i do. that's the only reason why i can put up with all these.

simple enough reason.

just realize, Mr. Fucked Up Guy (me), that whatever happens, be brave enough to accept the consequences because you made that decision.

Check this post 2 years from now (2 Sept 2013)

240208

3 pictures staring at me. They've been there since the beginning of time. They haven't turned yellow, the prints were still pristine, their corners still sharp. In them, happiness and bliss, not something that concurrently happens on ordinary days.

Time flies, we live each day not knowing what's gonna happen the next. What's already happened, becomes distant memories entrenched within us, forever being a shadow for the rest of our lives.

BFG imminent. I turned it down without even considering.

Just what am I to you? Were you the Riddler out for revenge, I am no man in a dark cape.

hope and memory

Had simply too much to write, but totally forgotten about them. My memory is getting from bad to worse. Can I have mega-memory so I can stop using notepads and post-it notes?

I feel like a ball being bounced around.

poison

I have it in my blood now, waiting for my time to come.

I shall wake up with no fear, with a blade waiting to stab my boss.

I realized, that She meant so much to me, little fingers and everything.