Pre-Phuket syndrome

It's the season to be jolly!
Will be leaving for Phuket tomorrow.
Be back in time for Christmas.
Just so u know, this is going to be the best Christmas ever.
EVER.
Lol. Cousins are all coming over.
Can't wait.
Looking forward. =)

I'm kinda-sorta-a lil bit emo-ish.
Something's bugging me, but I'm sure it will turn out alright.
Pre-trip jitters.
Yea right.

Confusing journey.
Unexpected courses.
Yet, I will survive.
Would you love me if I asked you to?
Random, I know.
But then again, would you?

Da Jie's wedding Teaser Post

When the world turns its back unto you.
Do not fret, do not despair.
Love was meant to come and go.
Clear your life of lies,
and perhaps you wud see a better tomorrow.
Grow up, think twice,
Love yourself more.

Anyway..
Don't remind me how much I need to update ma blog.
Not in the mood yet.
Lazy bug eating me up.

And yea, I'm sick wat.
So got perfect excuse rite?

Lol.
Here's something to please your eyes first. *Grin*







Last but not least:
Me going crazeeeee. =)


Pic credits go to Mun and my Sis.
They make good photographers,
thanks to my training. Haha..

好像没有好转

终于回到熟悉的地方。
温暖，
安全感。

我放不下，
所以都不敢提起。
我放不开，
所以无法真正相信。
我爱你，
却没有办法忘记你所说过做过的东西。

时间，
你承诺给我时间。
谢谢。
除了努力，
除了哭泣，
我无能为力。

我看不到你想走下去的恒心。
这一段日子，
我们都努力好吗？
幸福不能勉强，
若心已死，
情已变，
我只是不想最后一个知道。

我需要安慰，
需要你的证明。

分离前的寂静

千山万水，
称不上懂得天高地厚，
却自以为是，
以为自己懂得真爱的意思。

多么愚蠢的想法。
不知天高地厚，
不分是非黑白，
好的坏的，
根本没有办法分辨。
是真是假？
我活在属于我的世界，
我活在以为有你的天下。

这一次，
我们都再次看到了未来。
什么真心，
什么默契，
看透了，
也只不过就是字典里的两个字。

还不是放手的时候。
但深夜，
和身边一若无其事熟睡的你，
都足以教会我，
没有事情是永远的。

苹果可能是毒的，
心可以是假的，
付出可以是白费的，
真爱或许就是骗人的。

挫折，
应该使我们成长。
我期待，
却又怕受伤害。

Miss

I miss home.
I miss the times we had.
I miss the you I once knew.

I hate the changes.
I detest the sudden downturn.
I can't seem to be myself.
I can't seem to breathe without feeling pain.

Everything we do,
everything you say,
is dyed in a crimson color.
Laughter lined with sadness,
Normalness filled with pain.

Does it bother you like it is bothering me?
How does this end?
How do we move on from here?


Where do we go?

Think you know me? think again.

Don't judge me.
You don't even know me.



It's late.
And i'm supposed to be studying for the final exam on Wednesday.
Ugh~ Screw it.

Things are changing.
For the better? Hopefully.
It was a good start,though.
Had a real fun night with ma "psycho" peeps.

Will be up soon. =)



exoh.

some things are meant to be

Was thinking of posting a "kinda" sorry-regret thingy earlier in the afternoon.

But somehow the truth weaves its way in,

presenting nothing else but a boulevard of naked reality.



And so,

why worry people?



Btw.. Best wishes for ma dearest sister.
She's gonna have her eye cut open tomorrow!
Weee~
Somebody's gonna be like meeeee! *evil grin*

Wondering

What if?
A question we always ask ourselves.
In time of pain, of regret,
"What if this never happened?"



A sign of withdrawal, a sign of fixation.
What if?
A question of the dreamer,
A sign of the loser.

Wake up.
Get up.
Solve the problem.
Get to the roots.

And yea,
it's so much easier said than done.
Sigh.

Revealing the scar is something I detest at this moment.
I'll rather laugh and goof my way thru. =)

Cacat-ed expression.
So what? =)

It got me thinking.

Life's weird at this moment.
Forget the small arguments.
They seem so out of place now.
I dun appreciate it when life takes me by surprise. =/

I'm getting real jealous.
So jealous i want somebody dead sometimes.
Lol. Joking.
Not tat i really wan her to die.
Maybe perhaps..
it wud be nice if she became fat and ugly and annoying and unpopular..
Yea, tat'll be enough. =)



Be gone with you, biatch.

Hideous

Fark it.
I can't concentrate on a single thing,
I'm paranoid,
I'm a crazy pschotic rummaging tru very single thing of yours,
just to find prove that you are still with me.

And yet,
deep down, I cud see how fugly I was,
how jealousy created my hideous mask,
and how I should put all this to a stop.
This is not me.

A stop, or an end?

I'm lost.



I'm struggling to hold on to the promise I made.
I need to bleed it out.
Help.

Blinded by Darkness

Between the paths of right and wrong,
lies the notorious grey areas.
It kills slow.

Somehow, this is a test I know.
And strong I have to be.
Putting once again my patience to the test,
my perseverance to the challenge.

I wanna hold on tight.
And I will. But if this is also the time to let go,
what can I do but to cry tears of sorrow?

I can't seem to see in the dark.
My eyes are blind, and so is my heart.

When emo-ness strikes n happiness flies

Yes, I'm emo-ing.

I'm not in good shape.
I over-ate during dinner,
have tons of work to do,
and I am so frigging tired.
Mentally and physically.
Of so many things.

And so I tot,
I have to stop emo-ing or i'll seriously kill myself due to depression.
Dun laugh,
I just might u know.

Anyway,
here's a very "overdued" update.
MATTA fair.
Yea, its been my norm to take part in each and every single MATTA held in KL.
haha, tring but somehow i love it.
Oh yes,
maybe i'm plain psycho, dun u think?
Masochistic. =)


See? I'm a happy worker. Haha


My best mate in the work place.
She's not yr loved dovey mushy mushy type of sister,
but she sure is one hell of a good friend.
At least she cares, genuinely. =)


She's from HK. Kaka - tat's her name btw.
Missing her already. >.<


Suki!
She's from HK too. I'm soo jealous of her.
Been to almost every part of the world. Hmm.

I need motivation to study.
I'm losing the oomph in everything I do.
Dun ask me why,
I just get disappointed wit time.
Efforts are to be wasted, in the end.
And so what's the use of striving for sumthing?
Nuthin to do with academic issues, but yea,
I'm just not in the mood to study.

Crying spells?
Tonight, perhaps.
Sigh.

Think of your loved ones

Heart wrenching.
How many lives were lost?
How many families shattered?
Hearts broken? Tears shed?
And these are the few moments in life that we have to be grateful for wat we have,
for living, for breathing as a living person.

And this is the time too,
when we question the reason behind these tragedies.
Claiming the lives of innocent people.
If everything happens for a significant reason,
what is it tat we shud learn from these?

To be cautious?
To be grateful?
To treasure life?
To cherish our loved ones?
Perhaps.

This is life.

Was driving in the rain.
Terrible weather.


Look at the splashing of the water.


Everything goes by in a blur.

Look at the news and you will see.
How grateful you should be.

Love you peeps.

@#$%

I love my dad.
No matter what.
He's a good man, a good dad, everything.
I still love him.

Only maybe during times like THIS!
Wait, i can't think of the right word to say.
Ermm, GROW UP perhaps?!

Shit! U can really spoil everyone's day wit yr unreasonable demanding ways.
And yea, if you've noticed,
we're all respecting u and tat is why we are not saying anything.
I feel like cursing.
Any ideas on curses for my dad tat won't land me in hell?
Arrgh.

So much for "supporting" Caryn in her exams.
Wow, great support, dad.
Just great.
Making a mess, leaving evrybody annoyed, frustrated, and unhappy.
Tat's the best, ain't it.
Sigh.

So much for coaching us to the "right" way.
I understand emotions get in the way sometimes,
but this is too much, pls.
Time to get back to yr anger management notes,
or why not, for goodness sake,
go back to the Bible, the book u've been nagging us to read for the past few months.
I'm sure there's sumthing abt displacing yr anger and stress towards your family.

Like I'm sure it's not a good thing.

Maria O Maria

Remember her?
She always played the dumb maid, Maria in HK movies.
Tat was years ago, of cos.
For those of u who rmb,
these comedies were usually aired by TV3.
Those were the days. =)

She was more commonly known as "Fei Ma".
(translation: Fat Mum)
Its no so much of an insult, considering her slightly hefty weight back then.
It was more like a pet name the audiences likes to call her.

SO anyway,
She is now the spokersperson kinda thing for Hong Kong Tourism Board.

She made an appearance in favor of HK in the recent MATTA Fair.
Surprisingly,
she had sooooo many fans. WOw.
She is now into cooking as well.



Back to the main topic.
Had dinner wit her, together wit dad and mum.
It was a more business hingy actually,
but I was invited to join since I was in chage of the HK booth during MATTA Fair. (Yay!)

She is indeed a real friendly person,
and her way of talking was soo interesting (nuthin at all like a 60 yo).
Oh btw, she has two husbands, seven children, and eleven grandchildren.

Sadly,
time was limited as her day was filled wit cooking demonstrations and stuff.
Only one pic was taken. =(


A close up of me n her. XD


Her perspective towards life opened up many possibilities I had never tot of.
Worth noting was how she started out in a poor family,
constantly suffering from hunger and poverty.

Somehow,
when u see successful ppl like this,
u can't help but think,
how life can be so diffcult yet miraculous at times.
How suffering can sometimes lead straight to success,
and how effort is always needed to achieve a better future.

One dinner,
So many thoughts to be pondered upon.

Exoh.

Let's Start Anew

Ahem!
Spot any difference?
Yes? No?
Gah~ My new skin is pretty impressive ain't it?
*proud grin*
at least for a non-techie person like me. =)

For all my fellow UCSI-ans out there,
today must be a pretty gloomy day.
Haha.
Tuesday blues huh?
Start of sem is always a mixture of blended emotions:
laziness, depression, anxiousness, excitement, eagerness, and the list goes on.

But hey,
think of the bright side.
It's a short semester isn't it.
(not exactly good news if u ask me, but still..)

so peeps,
go to bed and start the day fresh.
It applies to many aspects in my life though.
there is sooo many things tat i wud like to start anew.

Nite nite peeps. <3

Run Away

My maid ran away.
Again.
This is the second one in less than a month's time.

I seriously dunno what these ppl want.
The first one.
Quite understandable la.
She was slow, kinda dumb and really can't understand a word we say.
In addition, she tells lies (like how she accused my dog for leaving the tap running),
doesn't bathe, and likes to talk back when my mum gives her instructions.
Despite all these,
my mum gave her a second chance.
We cud send her back starightaway,
but we talked to her agent.
The result? She ran away la.
Was threatened by the agent,
or so we heard.

But this one,
this second one.
I'm FURIOUS lo.
My mum treated her soooo well.
Fed her, bought stuff for her and never raised her voice with her.
Plus rite, she was doing a really good job,
had a really honest face (Pah!) and was keen on earning money for her son back in Indon.
She even told my aunt two days ago tat she felt so lucky to have met a "madam" as good as my mum. She said she was very happy and bla bla bla.

So why?!
You tel me. sigh.
this one was really sudden.
And sorry but i really hate her for just cabuting like tat.
Do u know how much it costs when a maid just run away like tat?
at least 5K lo.
Stupid, idiot, dumb-brains,
don't they realize the price of just running away like tat?
They become illegal immigrants, with no identification,
and is more prone to the risk of being a victim of human trafficking.

Sigh.
Sigh.
Sigh.

Crazy Deals Make a Kiasu Aunty

Me? A Shopaholic?
Nah..
But, i can't deny that I can shop wherever i go. Lol.
Working as a motion auditor brought me to at least 20 different Watson's around Klang Valley.
And guess wat?!
Watson's is having their annual CRAZY SALES.
Bet you guys din know u can get cheap and nice stuff from Watson's during Malaysian Mega Sales too huh?

Check out the boxers.
Comfy, light-weighted short pants.
Ideal for the kind of comfy stay-home attire.

Here comes the fun part.
guess the price, ppl.





So, how much you think its worth?
*drums rolling*
ONE RINGGIT! ONE, PEOPLE, ONE!!
forgive me.
I find it slightly overwhelming.

So here's how many i bought throughout the three working days.
Ima good gal. Bought some for my sis and aunt. =)

Not really tat many larr.. =)

Then, it was the facial masks.
Here are the five diferent kinds, catering to different skin types.


This one hw much pulak?
*another round of drums rolling*
33 CENTS EACH!
Its not expired or anything k?
They'r just changing the packing.
But Watson's quite cunning lo,
if u buy it in the loose form, its 33 cents each,
but if u buy it in a box of 5, it's 5 bucks.
I got conned the first time. =.=

Anyway, here's an irony:
I am much too kiasu not to buy,
but I am also much too kiasi to use it on my face.
So rite, i decided to "transfer" its nutrients to my back, legs, hands and other visible parts of my body.
You know larr...
It's still the face u know. XD

Yea,
my mum says I won't earn much from work one.
You see why now. Lol.
(But they were pretty impressed anyway.)

This is the bargain-loving, aunty side of me. =)
We're shopping creatures after all,
aren't we?


P/s: I bought 48 in total. 48 masks, 1 day. =)

Work the pain in, pls.

Rest be assured that I do not take pleasure in torturing myself,
yet i felt contented after today's work. =)
Went up and down,
walked here and there (from one place to another okayy..)
through the rain and sun,
yet,
it felt good.
Tired legs, fatigued body, sleepy mind. (not to mention rain-soaked clothes)
Renewed self worth. =)
Hard work reminds me how hard it is to earn a living,
and how nuthin comes easily.
No free lunch, ay?

This post was suppose to be picture-filled.
But aku dah letih dah..
sooo.. stay tuned k? =)

exoh.

Continued:

This is wat you do when you're up early, waiting for someone and darn bored. =)


Haha. From left, ZA models, Loreal's latest spokesperson, yours truly, as well as Neutrogena's Lam Kar Yan. I know, day dreaming is fun wattt..


See? I work my ass off k? This pic was taken as a proof that I walked through the rain and storm. Wind was blowing and I was waiting at the road side for sum stupid ppl. Lol.


Many more to come.
I wanna be an efficient blogger! LOL.

We must move on, rite? rite? =)

This shall be my principle for the time being.
Okayy? =)

Wasn't suppose to upload anything.
To avoid further misunderstanding u see.
But pls, let me bitch abt work can?
*watery eyes*

First day. TEDIOUS.
To make it short, I woke up at six.
Drove all the way to SHAH ALAM.
Eh, one hour okayy?
Freaking far lo.
Neber mind.
Then hoh, the first person I was supposed to meet,
late for 30 minutes.
Neber mind too.
The second person I was supposed to meet,
car broke down!

so how?
drove all the way back to meet at the first outlet.
which is where?
JUSCO TAMAN MALURI.
okay, do u get how i feel now?
slightly rite?

all the way there.
all the way back.
here comes the nicest part.
waited for her for FOUR HOURS.
four friggin hours.
four longggg hours.
four hours!!!!

Sigh.
dah habis complain dah.
Wat to do?
Work ma.
I'm professional. LOL. =)


p/s: work brought me to some places.
memories evoked. but i'll save it for next time k?
i dun like ppl twisting my words to cater to their own venomous needs.

Tomorrow shall be a good good day. Positive.
I hope. =)
Exoh.

你们都要快乐

我知道了。
对不起，都是我的错。
我在乎，我难过。
遍体鳞伤，
我连我自己都快认不出了。

说下去没有意思。
彼此都太骄傲。
是误会，是有心。
我愿意一个人承受。

我真心祝福你们，
未来的每一天，
都是健康愉快的。

Life's like that.

It goes up, it goes down.
Tat's life.
Isn't it?
Wat do u do when the world gives u lemons?
Lemonade!
Yes Hyen, thank you so much.
Somehow tat got thru. =)
A litle slow, but nevertheless,
i'm starting to see the light.

Time flies.
People change.
Friendship rots.
But love stays.
You get me?
"Friendship" is a term we label our dealings wit ppl we treasure,
and when it rots and decays,
when it turns real ugly and gives u an arse of a time,
dun fret.
be strong.
Love will mend it all.
*hopeful-blank stare*

this is a time of challenges.
A time of truth, a time of conspiracies.
We put our patience to the test,
our trust to the limit.
The outcome? we will see.

Now, to the happier stuff peeps. XD

Dinner with Bubu. Last time nite outing. =(
We shall wait for more next year okayy bubu? XD






Then it was the Malacca trip.
More Pics will be uploaded realllyyy soon k? =)



P/s: Thanks Paul. You're the sweetest thing.

And then things happened at night.
Yea, stuff do happen.
Out of nowhere.
Somehow, Paul's "balls" became the unimportant thing.
Lol.

And then it was the farewell thingy.
Bubu's leaving this wednesday.
Sigh.






tat's all for now.
w-o-r-k tomorrow.
exoh.

无言的结局

明天要开始工作了，
该带着什么样的心情？
不知不觉中，
心情的宣泄处成了我们暗杀对方的凶器，
就只有无奈可以解释我当下的心情。

人家说，
人生如戏。
做的每一件事，说的每一句话，
只不过在台上需要满足观众的需求。
那其实，
我们背后是什么人？
应该是说，
真正的我们，在哪里?

我说的，
是放弃吧各位。
我不是说放弃我们多年来的友谊，
但是时候放下面具，
往后退一步了。
执着，
没带给我们什么好处。
是友情经不起考验，
还是实在太多的巧合，
我们都有责任三思而后行。

到了这个地步，
并没有需要再转弯抹角了。
丽雯，佳敏，美婷。
我们要求的，
只是你们的坦诚和真心。
不需要多说，
就只要这样而已。
要嘛，
大家掏心做朋友。
要嘛，
我们各走各的，
往后都没有需要再为谁而心痛。

我们都累了，不是吗？

I dumped my best friend

2 papers tomorrow.
when is this torture going to end?
you cannot blame a girl for being emo,
not when she has 5 papers to sit for in 3 days.
not when she has only 6 days left wth her Bubu.
not when she doesn't feel like working but she knows she needs the cash.

Hyen: When the world gives u lemons, u make lemonade.
My question: What if i dun like lemonades?
LOL.
i find it funny. in a sad way.
i'm too pessimistic now to let any happy tots invade my brain,
let alone positive and encouraging ones.

Bubu,
I'm sorry.
I dunno how to put this but the truth is I chose the job over you.
I kept rationalizing tat I wasn't one of them,
I wasn't giving excuses,
but yes. I am as FUGLY as any of them.
now, at least.

I love u and u know it.
I'm grateful for yr undertsanding,
as in if u were to ask me not to dump u,
Bu, I swear. I wud rather let the job down.
But thank u for being so understanding.
thank u for being so considerate.
I dun wan this to sound like a roll of credits ppl give speeches on during the Grammy's,
but, I really appreciate this. A lot.

Gah~
Now i hate u.
For making me mushy all over.
Such a biatch.

该去的留不住

我们都是放不下的小气人。
这是我告诉她的一件事。
虽然不想承认，
却无法逃避现实。
对，我们执着。

其实，
没有什么好坏。
有时，我也已经学会抽离，
从旁观察这一切。
从第三者的角度，
一切都变得好滑稽，哭笑不得。

什么朋友？
到了这个阶段，
我想你们明白我的立场。
你应该清楚我没有想放弃的意思，
但唯一的要求，
就是把你们的借口都收起来了好吗？

其实，
一句：“我不要去。”
会比你们任何一个借口容易接受。
不要在这儿说考试，
那边和朋友打算出去。
不要在这儿说没车，
那边却可以老远的载送朋友。
不要这儿说晚餐实在“太夜”，
那边却可以和其他朋友过夜去。

哈哈大笑。
因为每次都给我们撞破谎言的机会。
你让我们好难看，好难堪。
除了哈哈大笑。我还可以怎么办？

When you hold me up high..

I'm counting down the days left.
I am having too much fun, too attached.
I hate it when i forget my mistakes and once again get attached:
emotionally and physically.
I am so used to be around ppl I love,
and those who loves me for who I am as well.
And sorry,
this makes both parties sad,
but i can't help but think abt the day you are going to leave again. =(

I'm just depressed.
Have to accept that females are the more emotional gender.
I tot i have outgrew the pain,
yet the wound seems fresh and new.

It was not a matter of time,
it was merely a metter of determination.
I was so determined to put you guys in the past and live on.
I was so determined to show that without you guys I cud live a perfectly colorful life.
And all this had to come rushing back,
all in one blow.

How big a realization it was.
Somehow, I was never the important one.
I was quick to let go, yet i know tat saved me from more pain.

Yes, I moved on.
Yes, I am changed.
Yes, I can live without you ppl.
And yes, I want to.



But no, I can't forget.

No-Eyes-See

I feel the need to keep my eyes shut everytime i see disgusting-annoying-frustrating things.
See no evil.
Hear no evil.
Thus, speak no evil.

How many times have i gone thru this?
I analyzed my feelings, my emotions, and yet I find no reason to accept wat u have done.
Its betrayal. And u know it.
Dun give me bull-shit reasons.
Dun tell lies to cover yr intentions.
DO NOT spit yr poisonous stories into my ears.

But of cos,
I put on a perfect facade.
I know wat u are. Oh yes, I have seen yr kind one times too many.

Sorry peeps,
this topic is getting really bored i know.
but i need to justify myself by letting it out.
releasing.
perhaps by doing this i can go on with my pretense.
The persona i so carefully crafted for u, the one and only.

Sigh.
I am never evil and I will nvr speak bad of u.
I hold on to the memories we once shared,
and i hope you do too.
Somehow.

Water Brains

Sorry.
Can't help it.
But Miss Carmen is in a HYPER mood.

Lol.
Going out with bubu this saturday.
Hopefully yaya can join us larr.
Hahaz.

This post is actually dedicated to the one with water brains - Geetha a/p Rakwan.
Lol.
And i missed many ppl today.
Getting emo and nostalgic.

Bipolar.
Lalalalala~

It's hard

I'm not ok.
So stop asking.
U shud know how i feel,
u,
of all people.

I'm disappointed,
angry,
sad,
confused,
lost,
scared,
furstrated,
most importantly,
i'm hurt.


give me a valid explanation.
i need it like a smoker needs his ciggies.
how do i assure myself,
when u have nuthin better to say for yrself?

its permanent.
its sad i know.
but u can't just tatoo it on my heart and expect to walk away just like tat.

Another Quickie

Noticing tat some ppl are busy updating their once-dead blogs,
I decided to do my bloggie some fairness by at least sayin a few words.
XD

Dinner at SHOGUN was fun.
It was nice. Wat do i call it? Fellowship moments. Hahaz.
This I have pictures. but obviously have to collect first la, not wit me now.

tomorrow's PHYSIO TEST is not so fun.
I've had enough of the brain and i can't seem to organize me tots.
not to blame the flower (tat starts with a "D") but her notes are really "superficial".

oh. had my second committee meeting today.
Sigh. some ppl takes things too lightly. sadly, there was no committment from all and it was pretty obvious.
Best joke of the day? The particular someone thinks there is no problem at all!
Imagine tat!! the whole world cud be turning upside down and she said "nothing"!

Btw, happy birthday Ms Joanna.
Happy 19th. hoped u understand y i did not join u guys for the dinner,
but then again, its not like my absence wud be felt. Rite? = =

Yu Pei, i still dun like u for cutting off wat i had to say. Lol.

Nite nite ppl. Gotta rest my neurons now. Save my action potentials for 2mr.
I hope the ligands find their binding sites.
and i hope the sites of action r still there 2mr.
Insanity. Sorreeeeeeee.......

Grow Up

I so need to blog.
Darn. I feel sorry for my bloggie.
Only turning to it when problems arise.
Oh wells, have to let it out.
Dun wanna be an anal-retentive person. >.<

People, grow up!
For u, I love u but perhaps u really have to stop acting so fake.
i know its yr natural way f communication but sumtimes,
just sumtimes it is too much for us to bear.

For u, stop feeding her with all the tots.
it is not yr fault and i know u have yr points.
yet cant u see tat u guys r from different worlds?
its not fair tat u poison her tots like tat n leave her to snap out of it alone!

and u, understand yrself more n pls realize yr biggest advantage n disadvantage is the inability to act,
and in this case, it is bad.
yr actions are plain evil n u KNOW it!
its just no excuse.

Geez,
i'm not taking sides and i'm not tying to say who's right or wrong.
But i tot with an average age of 45,
u ppl wud be able to see through all these "childish" stuff!

God bless ye ppl's cute little thinking mind.
Love u ppl, but do change for goodness sake.
Gah~

F-R-I-E-N-D

This is for you.
It took me the world's courage to open up,
and I knew I was walking on thin ice.
I felt relieved, and really really lucky.
I felt real.

Honestly,
I dunno where this is gonna lead me.
But, thank you so much.
Understanding helps.
But I understand how rejection can come into the pic.

Anyway,
thanks and thanks once more.


p/s: Good Luck n Oh I Do EnVy the Sweetness! XD

Sorree

Dead blog. I know. Sorry ppl.
The last time i checked, many blogs were dead too,
soooo... i guess its kinda normal? *fingers crossed*

a few updates:
No 1: decided to go for prommie!
bimbotic talks during class,
from dress to shoes to hair to makeup to shuttle to transport.......
yada yada yada...
the list goes on.
actually, its the only thing to look forward to this semester ain't it gals?

No 2: joined committee for Psych Club.
quite happening, quite suitable for me. XD
at least i dun feel left out or sumthing.

No 3: My mama will be down from HK next week!
YooHoo! not my real mum dumbie, my "fake mum".
Hahaz. anyway, it wud be fun. havent seen her for ages.

No 4: My stupid right eye may need a freaking surgery.
Tat i'll update this saturday.
after the final report is out. >.<
Not good. T.T

No 5: I shall be busy working.
A bit bored this time though, and we just realized the money's not tat good.
Gah~ but then again, responsibility comes first. *sigh* Me being the ever responsible person. Hahaz.

So here it is.
My planner, organizer, updater all-in-one.
Can't complain much now can u?

Oh ya, then there's the neverending asignments.
Imagine, 3rd week and i'm starting to get stressed already.
Hmm.

A lil peek thru

Thanks you "Days of the Week", although i have absolutely no idea who u r.
Anyway, One week after the big day,
and i'm finally settled down to blog.
not the best b'day ever, but still, there was nuthin to complain.



pics will be uploaded very soon in the next post.
or u can see the unfiltered one (translation: ugly pics included) on my facebook account.
for now, it will be the roll of thank you's and credits to those who really cared.


My bday celebration was done in 3 parts.
Part 1: Family gathering.
Dad's eyes had some complications.
cousins slept over.
I like get togethers.
but sumthing was just not rite.

Part 2: the surprise by the formers.
it was not a surprise.
ok, maybe i was a lil surprise at their efforts.
but i hate myself sumtimes for being able to see thru these kind of stuffs.

on the day itself, dolled myself up and had a real good time with yaya babe.
only the two of us.
disheartenng somehow, but enlightening.
twas better than faking myself.
wanted to cry at many different moments.
i was happy.
i was sad at the same time too.

part 3: baby bulan's back.
accident happened
no one was hurt.
thank god.
warm weekend.
lazed around, enjoying the clock ticking by.
actually, it wasn't wat i expected.
but still, it brings eveything to an end.

Thank you Yaya for going the extra mile, all for me.
thank you Chian, for wishing me Happy birthday at all possible locations.
thank you JY, SW, Carmen, ZW, AL, and my G. teacher for remembering my birthday.
thank you CK for being the loyal fren. and dear Bear for plain remembering.
these were some of the ppl that so unexpectedly rmb wat was dear to me.
I heart u ppl. all of u.
u made my day a really special one.
oh ya, and to baby bulan.
thank you for everything too.

I remembered the time me n Joanna was practicing feverently how to say NO when sexually harassed.
So much for the practice, was too scared and dumbfounded to react when i received a pervert's call last nite.
Maybe it will be wiser if i rejected all unknown calls next time, right in the middle of the night too.

Anyway, a guy with the phone number 014-929-4177 called at around 1.30 am last nite.
I answered without hesitating, expecting a unsaved contact or at worst a wrong number.
Heard some mumbles about "you" and "tonight".
Naively thinking that he had the wrong person, i politely told him " Sorry, but i think you got the wrong number lar.."

Mumbles again, and a repetitive string of words.
Was not paying attention until around 10 seconds later.
This was what he said over n over:
"Suck my d*ck baby, suck my d*ck...."

Eesh! straight away i ended the call.
regretted it afterwards though.
reason? i shud have taught him a lesson there n then!
Anyway, a few interesting responses from those who were as angry as me:

1. "Why dun you kiss my a** then i'll suck yr d*ck? Exchange la!" (Haha..i like this although it sounded a bit rude, but hey, who am i talking to?)

2. "I'm sure your d*ck is not long enuf. poor thing. if not u wud be able to do it yrself." (Ermm.. too obscene if u ask me.. but still.. tat wud teach him a lesson n hurt his ego a lil bit..)

Hahaz, thanks dearie. these ideas made me felt much better.
Seriously weird aura surrounding me these days, weird weird sexually related stuff happening. = =
Not so much on fear now, more to tidak puas hati.
Last but nt least: Darn u Pervert!

I care

I care.

I care so much tat i cry myself to sleep everytime i think about it.

wat's the big day without u?

its not even special anymore.

actually,

it makes it worse.

幸福

要走很容易，
留下来真的很难。

这番话，
我听进去了，
虽然不是完全赞成，
却无法不认同。
留下来，
需要的勇气，可多了。
离开，
也许什么都可以置之不理，
却有谁可以担保，
不会不难过？

也许开始就是错误。
幸福好狡猾，
永远都戴上面具，
让你真的无法辨识真假是非。

幸福的车站，
我也许只是路过的陌生人。

Teach Me

Teach me to think rightfully at times like these.
I need a clear view,
to steer clear of distractions and temptations.
I need to know my ultimate goal,
my priority and those tat are essential.

I feel lost n confused.
I fel disappointed when it doesnt turn out right.
i was expecting sumthing more.
and tat is soo wrong.
salah.
i have to stop.

boozed myself last nite.
it turned out to be great.
better than i expected.
twas great.
n perhaps i need more.
saturday nites are so tempting.
where r my limits?
u teach me, pls.

Worst Lie

I dun wanna bitch n gossip.
but when things really get on yr nrves,
u still need a way to release the anger inside.
so instead of the more ideal way of slapping tat person right in the face,
the ever polite me chose the more civilised way.

seriously,
i have no control whatsoever over yr life.
who u like, wat u do, or where u go.
i dun care either abt the shitty reasons or excuses u come up with.
but then again,
for goodness sake,
can't u like go sumwhere further?
dun tel me its coincidence.
wat the heck r u trying to prove?

the only obvious proof i see today is that:
too bad hunnay, u screwed your own pathetic lie!
har har.
i pity u.

Easter Rally

Now now, wat did i tel u ppl?

I said its gonna be awesome rite?

See? now u wanna regret oso no use dy. ^^

For ppl who missed it, its your loss.

And for ppl who missed it for shitty reasons,

u dun lose anything. dun worry, cos u have never gained b4.

more pics will be uploaded into facebook.

do stay tuned to know the details of the event k?

and oh ya~

before i forget..

I saw sumthing really "interesting" yesterday, not something exactly to be proud of,

but still, its not an everyday thing u can see.

Here goes:

Me and my fren were at the back staircase,

I was on the phone as we were waiting for another fren to show up.

I was concentrating on telling my other fren the directions to my uni when suddenly my fren grabbed me to one side and pointed to one of the double storey houses that were visible from where we were standing.

It was dark and we saw a young man standing behind one of the house's back door.

Initially, we tot he was a thief, trying to steal something.

So much for tat tot, as the only thing he was interested in was his own "member" down there.

(i know.. Eew..)

then his actions became obviously (and disgustingly) clear.

No further explanation needed i guess?

A guy, in the dark, with his hands "busy", and his "thingy" involved?

See?

I told u it was going to be an unforgettable rally.

The big night is here

Studying hard for my PRM 2 test scheduled at 2pm.
God knows wat kind of questions she'll ask.
Its stressful, and u know what, maybe the facebook quiz was right.
Matbe i m a B student after all.
*slumping*
yea, like tats gonna help me now.

Anyway,
on the brighter side,
Easter Rally is TONIGHT.
i repeat: EASTER RALLY IS TONIGHT!!

okay darlings.
be there k?
UCSI multi purpose hall at 7pm sharp tonite.
be there for me.
be there for Him. ^^
love ya peeps.

Counting down ..

counting down to the days whre perhaps i cud sleep and not feel guilty abt it.
despite the never ending assigments, few changes took place in my daily routine.

1. When three becomes two
she left for the better. or at least i'm suppose to believe that. but today i found out perhaps it was a one way thing for me to feel upset over our "separation".. hahaz.. not really emotional anyway, i'm kinda immuned. its not tat bad, really.

2. Working at MATTA 09 was tiring yet satisfying

Did not reach my target sales. but twas better than anybody else expected. pictures will do d talking. XD

Me n Aunt Lynn. Biological aunt if u're wondering. ^^

Louise: My favourite work mate/ partner.

Disturbing yet fun distraction fro work.

3. I'm still slaving over assignments.
No surprise here. The assignments are still never ending.

4. I dun wan to be 19.
Can't help it but i'm kinda dreading my birthday this year. I'm O-L-D. i know, old in my own way ok? i just need to turn back time and do a few more changes.

Just a lil bit. Really.

1.6

1.5 years.
18 months.
72 weeks.
553 days.
13,272 hours.
796,320 minutes.
47,779,200 seconds.

and counting.


I'm sorry anyway.

updates

Heyea peeps!
Yea, I'm not dead.. yet.
On the really dangerous edge though, but then again,
i survived 3 PRM assignments!
not one not two but THREE!
so what do u say?
*congrats*
thank you thank you.

being a psych student is nt as easy as i tot.
this sem was my busiest ever,
with never-ending work to do.
i mean it when i say never-ending,
event a moment of relaxation can make me feel guilty at times.

so for this week, there's the Public Speaking final,
final dance pratice and then EASTER RALLY next week.
then there's the cognitive presentation and lifespan test next week.
prm2 test, assignment and then lifespan forum. hmm..
long way to a real break.
and plus, its like oni wat? one week?
i know.
its pathetic.






baby bulan wont be here for the big day.
*sigh*

Internet Deprivation

I feel so cut off from the world without internet for 3 days.
It was real bad i tel u. and its not ok yet.
Fingers crossed , hoping it will be ok soon cos i really have lotsa researching and assignments to do.

anyway, just a few updates.
Cognitive is due 2mr, reaction paper is due on thursday, Hailer is due on thursday 2, Working from friday to sunday at Matta Fair. That's this week.
For next week, there's cognitive presentation, Public speaking presentation, Stats mid-term, and submission for four PRM 2 assignments.

Gosh! drop a hello and see whether i'm still alive by next weekend?

My Brother the Mechanic

Why do ppl fan themselves when they cry?

Good question.

An attempt to fan those burning tears in i guess.

But it always proved unsuccesful. At least for me.

So i concluded that it was a reflex system that moves yr wrist and fingers in a fanning motion when the tears are stimulated by emotional stimuli.

Profound language. Nevertheless utterly meaningless.

Had a face-to-face "discussion" with uncle bus after the shout-over-the-phone incident.

Discussion turned out to be another shouting session.

Was kinda embarassing cos it took place right outside Terry's office. (And oh yea, Terry's leaving. But tat's another story *sigh*)

As usual, he thinks i'm cheating. Yada yada yada.

But then things went even out of this universe when he says that I mentioned my brother/father was the mechanic who would repair my car.

ZOMG!

Wat's wrong with you?!

My father is in the travelling line and my brother is like wat? 14 this year?!

I did not even mention my brother!

So yea, he sweared all over the place. Vowing that he heard me said so last Monday. I didn't know how 2 react anymore bcos:

1. I wasn't as loud as him

2. He just wouldn't stop talking, I min Shouting

3. He still thinks it's MY fault

4. Ppl were looking

5. His statement is totally hilariously, impossibly STUPID nonsense

Haven't i told u things were going to turn pretty ugly? Now it has. Kind of. not settled. brought it to logistics. *sigh*

Better keep my fingers crossed.

This thing we called Friendship

I can't help but agree with Yaya.
She's so right.
So damn right.
I know you will see this somehow,
considering the fact that u like to stalk our blogs now that you are so "passionate" abt gatherings and getting-back-togethers.
you have my respect, yet yr sudden initiative deepens my surpressed annoyance.
Somehow, it is a proven fact that it is not impossible for u guys. It is just a matter of whether you want to do it or not.
So much for being the passive ones last time.
I'm happy, and disappointed at the same time.
Relieved, and annoyed.

I treasure this relationship, this thing we call friendship.
Do not get me wrong, I miss you guys very much too.
In fact, I miss those times alot.
But ppl grow, and we have learned how to outgrow the pain and confusion you chose to give.
While we understand yr effort of trying to save this friendship,
may i be the cruel one to tel you this is not the right timing.

Its crucial that you ppl know how much we do not want to give up.
But this is not the way to do it.
The time has passed, and only time itself can heal.

Oh My Friday

Classes on fridays are like working on Sundays.
It's sad. Yet there's nuthin we can do abt it when we have already enjoyed those oh-so-lovely holidays that fell on mondays.
Its like paying with a credit card i guess?
The thrill and excitement is over, and now its pay back time! *evil laugh in the backgorund*
Blogging in the library is a bit desperate actually,
but i am too lazy too start on PRM, or cognitive, or even Public Speaking.

Off to my 3 hour class now.
At least there's something to look forward 2 tonight. ^^
btw, serious shopping needed. tats somehow good too. XD

Love ya!

I need.

Where are you when i need you?
Yr call was a blessing, yet i was too tired to listen to your words of complain.
For me, love comes from the heart.
To be cared for is something i do not need to mention.
Yet, again and again you showed no interest in my personal feelings.
I climbed out of bed groggily just to answer yr cal,
u telling me nuthin important yet i tot it was sweet.
We are different, for you willingly let me cry myself to sleep.
You think i'm emotional, i think we're totally different.
You think i'm clingy and childish,
I think we'll come to an end if we continue like this.

Who shall i turn to when you shut me out the door?

Hate is such a powerful word. I can't hate you, yet. But i hate it when I'm alone like this.
I really do.

A Change and A Twist

Peeps, do me a favor and tel me wat you see? A change i min. A real big one in my opinion. So far, none of my so called "closed ones" have been able to "detect" it. It was below threshold for them perhaps? Hahaz. Anyway, its not below the average threshold though, cos Uncle Lam cud see it without even guessing or hesitating. He's superb! ^^

Tats the happier side of my day. BLK case had some updates. Uncle Bus din wanna pay. I dun blame him cos it is a huge amount. But you can't talk to me like tat. If u think it's unfair for you, it's double unfair for me. I was the one who kena hit, I was the one who had to endure the inconvinience of not having a car, I was the one wo had to send my car to the workshop, and now you want me to pay? U said how is a driver like you going 2 pay? Then how am I a student going to pay?

Ethically, I am at no fault bcos what you wrecked supposedly costs that much. *sigh* I did not even think about earning money from this incident, for goodness sake. Then you wanna bring up the issue of me being educated while u're not. It annoys me to think that you perceive me as a cheater, bcos i did absolutely nothing to deserve that! I was good enuf to understand yr situation, and guess wat? If you had spoken in a more civilised way, I am more than willing to pay half of the total amount.

But no, you had to shout at me for approximately 10 mins, shut me off completely, and slam my phone twice. Why can't we talk nicely? Damn. You made me annoyed, frustrated and miserable. You accused me of cheating yr money, and tat was the last straw. You went on threathening to bring this to the police.

Pathetic isn't it? You hit, and now you make a fuss? Now things have to turn really ugly.

Bus Langgar Kereta

Hey! Did u guys hear about the car that was parked in UCSI? It was knocked in the side by the UCSI shuttle bus. Right inside UCSI's own parking. Yea, kinda hilarious isn't it? Not too mention unlucky. Har har. Many tot it was kinda impossible, not that the car was parked at some undesignated area. Many students practically "marveled" at the possibility of this happening. And yea, it was such a VIP parking spot. Right in front of first floor entrance. Bumper came off, lights were shattered. Lotsa little scratches. Pretty ugly.

Oh yea. Did I mention I own the car?

*sigh* kinda distressed to blog more. will update more on the BLK (Bus Langgar Kereta) details?

Wish me luck for presentation 2mr. Till then.

Words to a Loved One

Looking back, I see how the wounds and pain have made me stronger. How hurtful words and stabbing acts have helped me grow. How the harshfulness of reality had me more resilient. I am grateful for what I have became, I am thankful for now I know what I am capable of handling. I've been through the darkest of days, I have seeked for help but none was offered. Today, I am strong in the arms of my heavenly Father. I am different, I am no longer easily defeated. I may be weak, but i do not give up.

I have been there, and I know how you feel. Be strong my dear, and even the storm will not bring you down. Carry yourself with more wisdom and caution in the future, love God and love yourself. You have my ever care and support, my understanding and love.

Your situation brings back memories of the painful past, yet, do you not see that I am still good?

Damn!

You know wat?
I'm seriously fed up.
Damn u. Really.
I'm getting so pissed off with yr time management and yr stuck-up-i'm-always-right ways.
Fine! Really.
I'm soooooo angry with myself for bringing myself into this sh*t.

Wat is this if it isn't selfish?
F*ck!

After the Big V

Big V day's over.
Back to painfully frustrating reality.
cognitive to be particular.
arrggh!
i have not started on my assignment, which is due 2mr.
talk abt last minute.
i'm not procrastinating, really.
just .. geez.. its cognitive!
u know?!

anyway,
have i updated guys on my CNY trip to penang?
well, twas no different, other from the fact that i had a "live-experience" with thaipusam.
eewww..
sorry, i was VERY disturbed.
they have my utmost respect,
and their faith is undeniable,
but the piercin is still so gross!
i had an unintentional view on how a big needle pierced thru a devotee's cheeks.
and trust me u dun wanna know the details.
too grossed-out to take pics, but maybe i'll upload some from my sis's camera in my facebook album.
look out there then if u wanna know more.
again, i dun despise the devotees.
just to be clear.
i really really salute them, i just can't stand the piercing, tats all.

ok now.
back to coggie.

Life after Literature Review

Killed by Lit Rev.
but tat was on tuesday.
now wat?

first n foremost,
forgive me for my oversized pictures in my last post.
yes, i know it is humongous.
yes, i know it is not proportioned.
too bad cos its my first time using photobucket.
forgive me k?
btw, wats wrong with having a real good look at me? *vain smile*

my thoughts are disturbed by your post.
man, you are still very full of yourself.
i've been in yr position.
something i can relate to, but not something i wud emphatize with.
u know wat?
i hate to say this but u really deserve it.
but who doesn't make mistakes, and perhaps this is the time you learn.
i'm not being mean, but everyone has a fall sooner or after.
its the recovery that counts.
and yea, hypocrites are everywhere.
for all i know, i may be one too in someone's opinion.
but when yr frens all tel u tat,
maybe, just maybe,
u shud really sit down and face yrself for one honest time?

ah well, back to cognitive now.
its due on monday and guess wat?
i haven't started a single thing.

arrgghh!

When Fireworks Light the Sky

for many of u out there,
the rush of excitement for CNY may be over.
Yet, it is only starting to sink in for me.
teehee~
anyway, here's how i spent my first day of CNY.
a routine we go through every year. ^^


Good morning! Twas a sunny sunny first day. and after a sumptuos breakfast prepared by dear mumsie, we were ready to start our "annual routine tour" to kajang.


First stop. and getting real hot already.
brother behind with a i'm-not-so-happy face, got ang pau's anyway..


Ms carmen became really really bored after a while...

after two more houses, mum decided to pay a visit to her aunt who resides in Klang.
not in the routine tour usually, but we were equally excited.



resorted to camwhoring after a while. house was huge....


yea..we were kinda trying to play a game of hide and seek. har har.


and then our live toy came in to the picture. had fun with this cute little baby who apparently has relative ties with me. cudn't figure out his title tho. so we called him little red monk. ^^


best jump shot i had. ugly face but the whole thing turned out ok.

and most of u know how my first day ended.
u can say tat it is a case of serious misfortune,
but i wud prefer to call it a blessing in disguise.

starting my second phase tomorrow.
YooHoo!
Penang, here I come!! ^^


ps: I have not started writing my Lit Review yet. So dead. So very dead.