When my hiatus gets longer and more frequent, it indicates the ending of my blog. So far, since I've started blogging in sec 1, none of my blogs lasted more than a year and this won't be an exception. So here's my final ramblings before I pull the plug. No sophistry, just random stuff. I'm sick, both body and mind.

Looking back, most of my expectations for 2008 back when I was in sec 4 were met, but many in the wrong way. Events today cleared my doubts about stuff and that, in a way, isn't something I was hoping for. I don't feel a connection anymore. "To whom?" some may wonder and start gossiping about it. No one in particular, but everyone in general.

Since kindergarten, I've placed family and friends as the greatest contributors to happiness in my life, and I still believe in it, just in a difference situation.

If there is something I hate, whether it's in myself or in others, it's indecisiveness if there's such a term. Some things should be left unsaid, so I'll keep my mouth shut.

Work taught me that having a pleasant facial expression can change people's impression of you. In a way, it's true. But I'm tired of smiling when I'm not happy. 42 muscles to frown, 2 muscles to smile, but none to keep your face poker. Since primary school, people told me that I look fierce in my usual face. I'm a lazy guy, and I have weak facial muscles. I don't like changing my expression when it isn't natural, and I don't like moving my mouth. I'm tired of being aware of how my actions may change people's impression of me.

Well, enough random stuff. Final words: fuck 2008, and 2009 ain't gonna be much better.

Strange how a small little thing can liven up my mood almost immediately. After nearing 5 years in HCI, I've finally found someone who stays near my house >.> Okay, that sounded lame xD

Today's Festival of Sports made me regret not forcing everyone in class to participate =X That way I could have gotten to play basketball xD Watched all the way to the end, quite inspired after seeing how some people play. Made me feel why there is such a big gap in skills despite similarity in age =\ Oh yeah Staff vs "All-Stars" match was damn cool, and our principal has grown too old =( In his prime - NTU basketball team. Now - sigh... =X I have a feeling our school hires teachers based on athletic credentials, including non-PE teachers xD

For me, I don't find just practising shots alone boring, much less a chore. I guess that what it means for me to like basketball. And after today, the desire to improve just becomes greater. Nevertheless, I find myself in quandary.

"A good player makes himself efficient. An excellent player makes his teammates efficient."

Best flier I've ever seen.

Look to your left and you might see something new. Next up, changing blogskin. I've always made my own blogskin, but dunno lah. Too lazy already =X

Need to lay off from basketball for a while, until my sunburn

Shall not speak of exams =] Eh but I've just mentioned it but I only said it to justify my stand that I will not talk about it... never mind >.> My whole body's red from playing basketball during the hottest time of the day =\ Well, I didn't want to get my uniform wet and didn't bring PE. Well at least my upper body got a tan now =] Mr Pang saw me playing when he was in the car and made the reading book gesture... Wonder what he wanted to say =P Seems like he did the same thing to Zhi Hong yesterday (guess who came after history exam) But in the end I still left later =\

稻香 is nice. Okay, that's probably an understatement. And Louis, don't taint my tagboard with your unpopular comments on this topic XP The lyrics remind me of Black Eyed Peas - Where Is The Love? The music and tune is so simple but that's the whole point of this song right? Cherish the simple things in life, you don't have to make it complicated to make it good.

Can't stop listening to Joe Hisaishi's works. Love his works, especially those which uses piano as the main instrument. Never fail to make my heart tremble. Hate youtube, since it's "Recommended Videos" mean that I cannot stop watching and listening >.<

Kinda crappish now =\ Shall go and mug ( you believe?) =]

and sY - don't give me the evil eye. I know my mistake liao, shall not intrude your private space in the library anymore xD

The actions of some people irk me so much that I almost lost my head. For a moment, my mind just froze up and I really felt like punching the hell outta him. Well, I guess the good thing is 1) I kept my cool 2) I didn't do something I might have regret later on.

I believe that all humans requires attention from others, whether from the opposite sex, or his/her own peers. Somehow, our actions instinctively try to achieve that goal without us even realizing it. However, there should be some boundaries in which our actions should not step over, such as when it starts irritate the people around you. Nevertheless, if we are not aware of our actions, how do we know when we cross the line? Perhaps we do see the signs, such as a sharp reprimand, but we choose to ignore them as it could just be them playing along. So what should be done then? I find a few ways quite appealing 1) Tell them to f* off, 2) Give them a slap on the face, 3) Tell them nicely that they are irritating the hell outta you. I find the first 2 choices more alluring, but it's probably just me trying vent that irritation >.> To each his own, everyone has their own methods.

I'm not saying that I'm all saint and everybody just loves me. As mentioned above, I can be unaware of my actions, so feel free to use any of the 3 methods to wake me up ^^

By the way, if you think that I'm talking about you, you're most likely not the one I'm talking about xD

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Anyway Saturday was weird. We had fun playing basketball, thrashing a group of people there twice ( we ain't pro) and losing to another group of CJC students 7-6. And the neighbourhood is damn cool, cos right beside the new basketball court is a beach volleyball court. Lots of teams queueing up, and no more going to Sentosa to play anymore ^^

Why did I say it was weird then? It's suppose to be an occasion to celebrate my Grandmother's birthday, so everyone gathered at my uncle's house for a reunion dinner. Meanwhile, my grandmother was left in her room while we were chattering happily. The tradition used to be going to a restaurant at Clark Quaye but it was deemed too troublesome since my grandmother's the type to make trouble. It was a rational decision, since my grandmother can barely remember anyone now, not even my uncles or father. Nevertheless, will I want to be treated the same way when I grow old (assuming I can get married first)? I don't know how to explain it further, so feel free to think about it yourself =\

No photos, since I didn't bother to take any >.<

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Decided not to go on about all the "Oh this world needs a screwdriver" thoughts I have been harbouring lately (about half a day ago). Too late and I'm feeling tired. I'll forget all about this the moment I wake up tomorrow anyway =]

Oh yeah, my handphone's spoilt -.- Don't ask me why, cos it just suicided without me coercing it to do so. What does this mean? I'll be uncontactable on the phone which isn't much since I've been breaking new records these few months for my SMSes and calls.

Felt what Mr Pang made us do is really meaningful. Sometimes, we say things only when it is too late. Many times do we lack the courage to say what we really want to say, since there's always tomorrow. In the end, tomorrow never comes. Taken from Tuesday With Morrie, isn't it a waste if we only say good things about the person during his/her funeral? Where would those words go? Why not tell the person while we still can? Of course, I doubt anyone is crazy enough to hold a live funeral >.>

By the way, to some people who didn't receive a note from me, it's either
1) It got misplaced. Sun Shuo became Shu Yang twice -.-
2) I really don't know what to say at that time, not that you don't have anything nice to say =X
3) I don't give a damn about you

Lol jk. No one fits the 3rd category =X More update tomorrow/ Sunday. Grandmother's birthday celebration tomorrow, but playing basketball before that with my cousins. Gonna be my 6th day in a row >.<

"If Tomorrow Never Comes"
by Ronan Keating

Sometimes late at night
I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes

It's 9/11 today, in case you didn't notice. So, what's the purpose of terrorism? To make a mark in history? I seriously doubt so. Nevertheless, that is the only thing they have achieved so far, on the macro side. So what other purposes might they have? Harming the lives of innocents? Congratulations, they definitely achieved that target, even though I do not see the point of doing so.

Perhaps they wish to diminish the power Western countries have, but can terrorism really achieve that? What they do is merely a mosquito bite to these countries, irritating but not doing much damage. By the way, I do not mean that the lives of innocents are only worth a mosquito bite, but that their actions will not change the way country functions besides stocking up and upgrading their pesticides. The only way they can do so is to conquer a country, and make it their utopia, since they feel unsatisfied with their current surroundings. I wonder if saying this will get me arrested >.> Maybe next time the terrorists will say " Give us a land for us to live freely in and we'll stop pestering you", then I can claim ownership of that land since the original idea came from me =X

Nothing else to crap, so I'll just end here. Hopefully I'll still be alive the next time you see me ^^

The feeling of liking someone is you enjoy being in the company of that person. Being jealous is a sign that you like that person, but this feeling stems from you wanting her attention on you always. Being "overjealous" is a sign of irrationality.

Becoming a couple is like a promise "I'll always be there for you". But nevertheless, you don't own the person, hence there is a need of being more understanding and give her more space. Just liking someone is a "no strings attached", so you should never feel that she owes you her attention.

Doesn't feel two weeks since I've last posted >< Time flies, or another interpretation can be that my life has been too mundane to blog about =(

I can proudly say that the holidays hasn't been fruitless =D Finally got myself to study yesterday but crap, holidays is ending in 3 days =\

I remember Mr Quek's talk about the Teachers' Day speech on the little things that count... Wait a minute, he told us that last Wednesday and I'm only blogging about it a week later? =X Anyway I found it pretty meaningful, because it's probably the main reason why I stopped so many of my hobbies. When you can't find the spark that maintains your interest, then it'll just dwindle away and you just can't be bothered to continue anymore. This applies to a lot of stuff, be it playing the piano, guitar, rollerblading and all sorts of activities.

On another note, I haven't stopped rollerblading. I've just... put it on hiatus for now >.> I still enjoy rollerblading - when you finally master the trick after weeks of practice, you just can't wait to learn another one ^^ Anyway, I figured if you can just find that small little bit of joy and concentrate on it, then you can probably persevere on. I'm still trying to find it for playing the guitar =\

Of course, there's still things you love doing even though you don't know the reason. Basketball has been unfair to me, being "blessed" with "vertical challenges" >.> I don't actually find a lot of joy while playing since I get all serious *most of the time* so I can't exactly explain why I like it. But I guess such a thing exists for everyone right? Doing something even without knowing why you do it.

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Supposed to be helping my father this morning but I guess he can't be bothered to wake me up =\

Blogging right now to stop myself from playing games =X I was damn enthu to work on my schoolwork on the bus, but I've barely stopped myself when I switched on the computer >.<

Yesterday's table-tennis match was kinda boring, especially when we got totally owned =\ A lot of people said that our table tennis sucks ( after watching the match), but how poor can a team be if they have won a Olympics Silver, and we have World Seed no. 6 & 7 in our team? Let's get the facts right - the Singapore team isn't lousy, China is just too good. If we consider Hong Kong as part of China, then the top 10 seeds are all China natives, with the top 5 representing China.

On another note, I like how journalists make use of words to make people think differently, like saying Singapore couldn't overtake the "Juggernaut" China. Meanwhile, the article next to it says China's Lin Dan "outclasses" Msia's Lim Chong Wei. If only my command of English is that good, then my GP grade will probably be much higher =\ Of course, Lin Dan owned Lim Chong Wei, but it's much more enjoyable to watch him perform when the opponent isn't us xD

Okie, time to take a nap before working on PW and other stuff. Blah, there's so much stuff I wanna do after promos - Guitar, piano, basketball, rollerblade and hell lot of other sports. 6 more weeks, gotta endure >.< Of course, my idea of endurance is probably different from yours =P

Currently locked outside my room due to some... unfortunate circumstances. Thus, I shall BLOG! o.O

Can't believe how long it has been since I've last updated, discounting the last post. Let's just be truthful - I'm just too lazy =P

"Please make good use of the long weekend to do your revision. Jia you!" - guess who sent me this? Anyway, to at least accomplish part of that wish somehow, I decided to go bring my physics and maths stuff to the library and do whatever I can. Hence, by the time I was chased out of the library, I managed to complete...

reading Dragons of Lost Star -.- Okay, that's a lie - I finished it after reaching home =\ Quite a relief for me to finish it since I could only read a few pages a day ever since school started and 2) The book isn't mine =\ What's more, there's still the third book!!! And yeah, it's in my possession since June Hols >.<

Quite a lot of stuff happened during the last few weeks, none of which I can remember =X I feel sad not going rollerblading this week even though I could, since I haven't had the time in the past few weeks. Well, if I had disciplined myself not to slack so much, I'm likely to have more time in my hands.

But that's pretty much the problem - Kinda unmotivated to do any work lately ( lately in the sense of past few weeks, not days) Despite Meiling completing the board game, despite me getting less work to do than before, despite my mentor constantly pestering me for updates, I couldn't do anything. And the "despite"s include enlightenment on how to do Econs essay, as well as greater understanding of Thermodynamics, or whatever crap revision lectures or remedials I've been through, I. Just. Can't. Do. Anything.

Someone, please wake me up. Kick me in the butt. Pour water over me. Throw me into the sea. Just do something to wake me up. Then a wise man will come up and say "nobody can force you to do anything, you have to do it yourself" and I'll say "Go to Hell".

Not exactly the type of post I wanted to break the hiatus with. There's lots of stuff I wanted to say but well, I ended up... can't say "let of some steam". Someone might think I'm suffering from pressure, but no - I'm just angry with myself because I can't feel the pressure around me, the kind that pushes myself to work hard.

Oh yeah, final note, I can't believe I forgot about the deadline for application of OB Korea >.> And... I'm still stuck outside my room.

Haven't blogged lately. I surprise myself by saying that I have been too busy to blog (well at least for these few days) Shall update really soon ^^ Now, I'm gonna get my 4 hours of sleep >.<

Back from my renewed obsession - rollerblading =]

Well, I was back some time ago, but anyway met some really cool guys today who gave really helpful tips. Some new stuff I learnt - if you wanna continue practicing throughout the day, wear guards. Secondly, wear long pants - attempting tricks gives your legs free waxing =X Everyone is free to join me on Sat and Sundays =]

Anyway, some highlights - Inspire concert was frigging imba. Especially Stella Story - a rock band. The vocalist has an imba voice, the lead guitarist blazed through his soloes and the drummer who was well... you can't count fast enough to keep up with his beats =\ Unfortunately, it's hard for a seated audience to go crazy, so they really didn't deserve this sort of crowd =( Other favourites were the MAD bboys( a few screw ups tho =X) and funk faction crew =]

And lastly, muay thai was fun =)

It has been 1 month + 2 days since I've last blogged. Wanted to make it exactly 1 month but today is more special. It's KT Tunstall's birthday, Zidane's birthday, Woon Pin's birthday and Jason Mraz's birthday. Well, happy birthday to my brother( only one of them is, even though I don't mind having all of them as my siblings ^^)

I wanna blog more, but coincidentally, today is also the start of Blocks, so goodnight.

Arts Fest yesterday was pretty good. Best performance goes to choir even though not the whole choir was present xD I'd rather they sing Lullaby instead though =P Guitar was pretty bad though, with only the J1s performing >.> No comments for the others =X Unfortunately, the whole performance was plagued by poor concert behaviour, so you cannot really 'enjoy' the performances =\

Rollerblading for GEMS just rekindled my interest for the sport =]

死神的秘密 is definitely worth the ticket's price ^^ Very touching near the ending and quite a meaningful movie. About a Shinigami who was sent to judge 3 people - A 28 years old lady, a Yakuza( Japanese mafia) and a 70 year old hairdresser, as to whether they have fulfilled their purpose in life and be allowed to die. I guess what the producer wanted to convey is that no matter how dark your life may be right now, continue living and you just might be able to see that sunny blue sky.

I wonder what it means to toe the line, living your life to the fullest. Does it mean enjoying life as if there's no tomorrow? Then, what will you do if today is the last day of your life? As for me, I don't know =\

Bleah 4 days of rest and I didn't get any work done >.> Shall do my best to smoke through this week =X

"Throwing away the people important to you, saying that you don't want to fight."

Just finished watching the whole Honey & Clover series, including season II. The pent up emotions makes me wanna play the piano, but *looks at the time* I guess not.

Are you willing to forsake everything for love? In this time and day, where rationalism is the core of today's society, many will answer no. Who knows how long this love can last? And what are you going to do, when it ends, and you find yourself broken in bits and pieces? Nevertheless, people still chase after it, seeking for that happiness, while maintaining their decision not to give their all.

"When the stem of a plant breaks, you need to cut it off for new shoots to grow. But somehow, it's hard to do so, seeing the leaves of the broken stem still so green and healthy."

I'm gonna get my 2nd scar on my left arm soon >.> Well at least this time there's no need to go see the doc(or at least we think so) and just let it heal. The chalet was... I dunno what to say =\ Eh first time I had a bbq without having to go the toilet =P Mr Wu is damn pro xD

Yesterday was the 100th day of my uncle's death. Fell asleep standing while reciting the scriptures >.> Can't help it, 3 hours of sleep on the floor really isn't enough =\ There was a memorial for him in the afternoon by Singapore Art Museum. The speeches were boring, but I almost teared when people were speaking of their experiences with him. Well, I tear easily these days, but it was really touching. Shake! at night was quite good, but I think last year's Mosaic was better, probably because it was the year end concert =\

Today was quite simple - sleep, eat, watch H&C, surf the internet. Exciting, is it not?

"Get too close to the Sun and you'll only burn yourself." - Fullmetal Alchemist

There's many interpretations to this quote, but I guess most of them are quite true. For example, there are some things that just shouldn't be known, since it will bring nothing but harm. That's why there are such things known as secrets.

Sometimes when you think you're reflecting on past events, some important stuff just seem to slip off your mind. If one has remembered those stuff, will he still make the same decision? Of course, as 旁观者，we may say yes. But have we factored in the psychological distress that person was facing at that time? Under those conditions, can one still make a rationale decision?

"Can't seem to make myself nervous about tomorrow's Physics test. Without this sense of anxiety, it's quite hard to concentrate on studying =\"

Actually the above is written when I just started writing this post ^^ Feel more.... serious now but..... I wanna watch Honey and Clover again after listening to its OST >.< Blah =\

Haven't listened to Stephen Lynch for years liao >.> Brings back memories siah xD

But anyway, I FINALLY started working on my H3 project, 11 days after meeting the mentor >.> Really need to be more proactive into this, since no one will be pestering me to work on it =\ Talking about projects, my group's GPP is now GGP - GG Proposal >.>

My left speaker isn't working, or to be more precise, it's the system which isn't working. Feels weird listening from one side only =(

I suddenly have a new interesting perspective to "Technology leading to ease of communication" xD

Anyway, Voices in Flight was really great. Favourite songs are "A Basque Lullaby", followed by "故乡之恋" then "Japanese Game". Of course, the other songs are great too but these three really stood out from the rest. What can I say? Our school choir is just frigging imba >.> For those who didn't buy the extra tickets from Louis, you guys are really gonna regret not attending =X I feel like going to the Sunday performance too, just for those 3 songs =D Of course, I meant feel like going, doesn't mean my wallet can take it >.>

I believe that how you think about yourself really matters. If you don't believe in yourself, then there's no way you can change. To start trusting others, you need to trust yourself first. Of course, for me, I don't bother thinking what I am anyway, so this is pretty much pointless =D

It's frigging 1.30am now. What am I doing staying up until so late, when I still haven't manage to sleep before 11pm for this week >.<

P.S despite what I said about the choir concert, Yi Kun still managed to sleep halfway through the it =X

The days are long, but the months are short.

We cannot wait for school to end everyday, but in a blink of the eye, it's already week 8. What can I say? If you're not enjoying life to the fullest extent, then you're not doing yourself justice. At first I thought I was, and probably did, but somehow I've been dumped back into this dull routine. Nevertheless, it's never too late, but the problem lies in what you consider enjoyable =\ Seriously, I don't know myself >.<

Time to start on my computing homework ^^ 3rd day of the week, and I haven't succeed in my aim to sleep before 11pm yet >.>

Cleaning the air-con alone is really different from being guided by my father.

Lesson learnt - Never do a half-assed job in clearing the dust.

Spent as much time cleaning my room as cleaning the air con -.-

Oh well, what better way to learn than experiencing it first hand? ^^

Doing the mentioned above left me with a lot less time to work on what I planned. Actually, I never follow my plans but this is a good REASON right? Domestic > Academic =D Oh ya, not mentioning wasting time to make this pointless post ._. Target - To sleep before 11pm today =D

Seems like I have a knack in not going school on Fridays xD

So.. What can I say about Wednesday?

Getting a gold medal is definitely different from silver and bronze =D My 2nd Gold since sec 1, and 5th out of 16 medals in my whole "track career" =X Of course, my top favourite is the bronze for C boys 4x100m nationals in sec 2, followed by silver and bronze for 4x100m in p5 and p6 nationals *I'm boasting, don't mind me xD*

But seriously, I'm pretty happy with myself over the results, even though it's Jun Lin, Yi Kai and Yu Wei who really secured the win. I was slightly faster than Bryan(to my surprise), but I wished that Timothy could have ran - to gauge my improvement. Part of me wants to go back to track, but realistically, I won't even be able to catch up with the B boys, much less than A boys. Oh well >.>

Went to TWO polyclinics this morning, but the waiting time is just too gay - frigging 3 hours -.- Gave up and came back home. Maybe going to try again later, else I'll be slapped with 4 demerit points for absence without reason >.<

Blah, preparing to fail definitions for computing test tomorrow >.>

*looks at post below*

Seems like I still can't remove this invisible barrier around me.

Can't remember who was the one who said that I'll be making a long post after today. Unfortunately, this is going to be quite short.

I can't remember the exact phrasing - but the quote goes something like Life is too short for you to have two of them. Well yeah, I'm kind of bored with this facade. This should be relevant to quite a lot of my current "readers" - Sorry to disappoint, but the Woon Yang you know of, never existed.

Or maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and forget all about this >.>

I'm surprised with myself today. Stayed awake and PAID ATTENTION during all lectures(yes, I'm surprised too), went for self training during my break and Wushu after school. Yes, and this is despite someone keeping me awake 45min more than I wanted to *hem hem*

Had a realisation during self-training today. The purpose of me training is mainly to improve myself. Yes - the prospect of getting that gold medal is alluring, but no - I don't want to burden the team. I'm the weakest link in the team, but as I've told forgot-who, my standard now is at the bottom of the graph. So there's no room for deterioration, only improvement. So despite not wearing spikes and having a training partner, what I did today can only make me improve. "The only thing which cannot fail you is diligence." - Not sure where I heard it from, or whether I thought it out myself >.>

But basically, all trainings are the same, isn't it? The true objective is to improve oneself - winning trophies and medals are only bonuses. But anyway, the above paragraph is actually for self-inspiration =P

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Everyday seems to pass slowly, but looking back, it's already the 6th week of the term. Kinda makes you think, "What have I been doing all this time?" Well, this feeling comes once in a while, so I guess today is that once. I guess achievements don't come in an instant, but still =\ Ironically, despite aiming for that H3 distinction, Wushu medal, CSM medal, I still don't know what I really want. There's something intangible out there that I want to achieve, but I still have no idea what it is >.>

Table tennis finals today. Didn't know that JC table tennis so pro =X Quite sian at some parts, but really exciting during the crucial period. Watching the A girls hugging each other in joy after they won the deciding doubles really touched me. It's like watching pure joy on their faces. Too bad for A boys though, but seriously, it's not easy being the last singles and playing the fifth and deciding set. Oh well =\

Almost didn't recognize the "mall" at Toa Payoh until I actually looked at the structure. Haven't been there for almost five years - since P6 December holidays. Very big difference - cause we always reach there early in the morning so it was quite empty. Couldn't find the centre we used to go to =\ But oh well, reminds me of taking the then-newly-opened NEL(actually all the lines) just to pass time xD

Crap forgot what I wanted to blog already. Somehow my train of thought got lost after coming out of that time tunnel =X School has been mundane lately, although going out for dinner is fun(and funny) xD After today, back to eating at home and saving money liao >.>

Okay time to stop since I will be crapping nonsense for the sake of lengthening my post >.<

"The deceitful man will never find the courage to trust a person completely." - Unknown

Bypassing security without them noticing.
Finding the teachers who still know me.
Walking past teachers who don't even question my presence.
Running away from security guard who finally notices me.

Going to school can be so thrilling sometimes xD

Met a very familiar face today. Extremely coincidental. Well perhaps the chances of meeting increased since I was near her house >.> But how many years has it been, 3?

And my P4 school bus driver still recognizes me =DDD

The sky sheds its tears as the heart withers away.

Was at Starbuck's after school (sorry to Mrs Tan for ponning your lesson, and Wushu for not supporting on this final day) Whether it's a coincidence or not, the only table available was that particular one. Sometimes, I wonder if this is fate, or just God's way of toying with me, making me eat my words of last time.

It's incredible how many times a person can change his decision over a span of 11 days. Mr Teo told me that I have 3 routes to choose from, and since then, I have been waging wars with myself over the choice to make. However, I have sworn not to take the third route, because it shows that I have really given up on myself. I want to prove to myself that I have changed. However, it seemed to me now that I was using this excuse as a facade, as I pray for a miracle to happen. But miracles don't occur that easily, do they?

"The greatest tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braces himself for his one supreme effort." If that is the case, then my life is full of tragedies, because I'm too afraid of failure. Hence, I don't think I ever really made that effort to do what I truly want. I've tried to convince myself to forego all fears, and give it my all, but as the signs starts to appear that I'm staring at defeat in its face, I become a regular coward.By taking this route, I guess I'm adding another tragedy to my life, as I once again reveal my true sel. Even now, I pray for a glimmer of light but I'm too sunken in darkness to see it. It's all false hope.
Guess I'll forever be the quiet one sitting in a corner, observing everything.

And to my dear confidante, it goes against my principles to break promises, but this may be one I cannot keep.

I haven't finish even finished chapter 6 of Maths, GP n Econs not done. Wanna blog, but can't blog =P

It's actually 13 April liao, but I just changed the date so I can say HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOUIS! without being late xD

Played basketball for the first time in about 2 months =X It's only now that I realize how much I miss playing it. Same with all other sports, you get to forget all your worries and just enjoy life as it is. Crapped with Ming Wei about random stuff for quite a while after the game. It's surprising how much there is to talk about, considering I was never that close to him before, and the only two things which are related between us is ProEd and basketball >.> Oh yeah, I forgot that he's an ex-tracker too xD But seriously, being a guy of few words, it's really no easy feat to crap for half an hour non-stop =X

Oh yeah, emo is definitely over-used. When has stoning become part of emo-ing? >.>

8 hours of sleep on a school day rocks xD Damn I should do this more often =D

In these 2 days I've met practically everyone whom I don't want to meet, even though I know it is inevitable. Yesterday, during Wushu competition, I met my previous coach and friends. It was awkward, because I don't know how to react =\ Then today, I saw the track coaches (managed to avoid some though) =P Somehow, I feel that I owe them something - the result of all all the effort they have put into nurturing me. But I can no longer look back, and when I do, it's to remind myself of what I have decided to give up and why the present is so important.

I'm quite pleased with my result for today, and I'd be disappointed if I was any better - because it will disprove my belief that diligence is what counts the most.

"You are who you think you are". A quote which sounds more profound is "I think, therefore I am". It's quite a no-brainer to understand what it means, yet how many are able to grasp and make use of this principle? Nevertheless, I'll wake up from this fake tranquility and face the battle. After all, I made a promise, right? ;) No matter what, I'll find a way.

Whee 9am right now and I'm blogging ^^ Well, it's more of because I cannot go back to sleep. Weird dreams >.< Actually there's nothing much to blog besides random stuff =X Totally wasted my Saturday yesterday, did nothing but stone. Well, I was finishing up book 1 of Frankenstein by Dean Koontz but my sis brought book 2 to school with her =( Then spent the rest of the time doing random stuff and watching code geass until I almost fell asleep even though it's damn nice =\ Shucks I haven't had so much time in my hands since the start of the year =\ I remember there's nothing I wish more than for my off day to come quickly when I was working =X Different circumstances, different wishes.

They say when you dream, it's actually a manifestation of your deepest thoughts, but I don't exactly agree, since there are random dreams, unless someone wanna help me interpret them ^^

Oh yeah, the macbook finally left my house last night =( Somehow, I still continue to have a feeling that more than 3/4 of my bro's friends are gals =X

Is it a sin not to perform the best of our capabilities? By the way, this is not a follow-up of GP lesson =P But nevertheless, more than once have I heard someone telling me "I have the ability to excel in -inserts sport here-". I'm not trying to be ego here, but I remember David Yeo telling me that I have the potential to do well in pole vault. When I first joined, not really a choice I made, I told myself "Dince I'm already here, I must as well try my best". However, that's probably a naive way of thinking. To continually do your best in something, you need the motivation and determination. But to achieve any of that, you need to at least have the interest to do it. Unfortunately, my interest in pole vault waned after a while. Now, in Wushu, can I do my best until the time to hand over next year? I really hope so.

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I really like what Mr Edmund Teo said during our short correspondence - " There are no stupid decisions, only decisions that need to be made in order to move on with life." It's pretty sad to know that another wonderful teacher has left the school. Somehow, there must be something wrong with HCI, since all the good teachers leave while the lousy ones stay =\

When you're moody, or feeling troubled, sometimes sleeping can solve the problem. Waking up, forget all your troubles of yesterday, and just look forward to the coming day. Too bad, some problems just don't go away even after you fall asleep.

Man is like a bottle. You can keep your emotions in. But if you refuse to let any of them out, pressure will build in from within. Sooner or later, there'll come a time when you can't contain it any longer, and you'll just burst. It's always better to let your emotions out little by little, rather than to keeping it to yourself. In this case, friends are just like a bucket. They let you pour your feelings out, but they cannot get it out from you by force. You'll have to do it voluntarily, but they'll always be there.

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It's raining like crap now, so I got no mood to mug xD

Figuring out the "truth" from the most unexpected places o.O

At the blink of the eye, it's already Thursday. 2nd week of Term 2 is almost over. Somehow, time just passes by quickly nowadays =\

Nothing to blog, so shall have a poem koped from no-idea-which book =P And no, it doesn't represents my current feelings -.-

I shall never be forgiven all my faults, by man

nor god nor

any

good

thing.

But this I know: I am not here for grace,

nor pardon,

not to give them.

My way is through the shadow,

blackness on the path, and in my

heart,

in my eyes,

and in my soul.

My fate . . .

unknown.

My destiny . . .

my own.

Woah! a sudden realisation the moment I woke up ^^

Somehow, somewhere, some time ago, I've lost myself again. Even though I kept reminding myself not to, but it still happened anyway. By focusing on one thing, I've neglected everything else. It's time to stop, take a breath, and just be myself =)

I believe in needing two hands to clap. But that shan't be my topic for today =X

Slept my all-time high of 8 hours during a school week yesterday xD Well, actually I fell asleep unknowingly, with my lights and computer still switched on =\ Woke up at 2am to switch them off. Need to conserve electricity what =D

Today, our Wushu instructor spoke to us about meaningful thoughts again. It's always refreshing hearing from someone else, even if I have that same line of thoughts before.

"What kind of human is the happiest?"- After hearing him talk about health for some time, the general answer is "the healthy one". But that's only half the answer, along with "helping those in need". It is actually "the kind-hearted one". Well, how health comes into play will be explained later ^^

"Helping those in need" is controversial, because it depends on your purpose for doing so. One extremely good example will be Service-learning projects. Of those who take up these projects, how many actually truly wanted to serve these people? The most despicable ones (I'm being harsh, but it's true) are those who do it because "it'll look good on their portfolio". And once Project's Competition is over, how many actually continue to help out? Do these people actually take pride in giving a helping hand? I doubt so. So "helping those in need" is only true when you truly want to help them, deep down in your heart. Special mention goes to Quek's group, who is still continuing their project despite the results =D

Hence, it's the "kind-hearted people" who benefits the most, because they feel happy when they help others. Also, when they see people who are doing better than them in other ways, such as academic, they do not purposely pick faults, because they know that they deserved to be where they stand now. The envious/ jealous ones will hardly ever be happy, because they are cynical about stuff, trying to point out faults in other to make themselves feel better, and supposedly somewhat more superior.

However, even if you're kind-hearted and wants to help those in need, it's pointless if you're not healthy enough to do so. If you cannot take care of yourself, how do you expect yourself to be able to help others? In the end, you need to be healthy to be able to do such stuff. And it doesn't limit to just helping others. If don't sleep enough, you body cannot recover fully, and you'll find yourself unable to concentrate fully in everything else, like academically, in sports or even in your social life. Hence, health is the most important thing in your life.

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Another sub point he made is about the purpose of doing things. If you are not aware of the purpose of you doing something particular, then you'll only be wandering around aimlessly, and end up accomplishing nothing. As long as you have a purpose, you'll be able concentrate and drive towards your goal. But most of the time, it takes a strong purpose to have strong determination to continue. However, you need not necessarily be clear of your purpose from the start. Sometimes, you may just find the answer along the way, when you least expect it.

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One of my longest posts, if not the longest >.> I tried to shorten it, but ended up being too lazy to read through =X

It's 12 midnight and I'm officially 17 years old and 4.5 hrs old =D

Thanks to those who wished me happy birthday in one way or/and another (no particular order) - Jonthan Tay, Josephine, Judy, Silu, Jun Lin, Eldwin, Jonathan Quek, Xiang Jing, Mei Ling, Shu Yang, Jun Jie, Wai Min, Nicholas, Shaun, Aaron, Kai Hui, Clement, Hu Yuan, Louis, Hong Liang, Yi Kai, Hakuna Matata (I still dunno who), Felix, Xinyi, Li Rui, Ashleen, Jonathan Tan and Kai Jun ^^

Special Mentions -
Wai Min for sending me through snail mail - 1st ever xD
Judy and Silu who wished me at 00:00 AM
Judy who supposedly wished me at 23:59 PM
Judy for organising the dinner ^^
jtay who mistook yesterday as 15 March =P
Jun Jie who supposedly wished me in 5 different ways ._.
Those who went for the dinner - Aaron, Louis, Judy, Jun Jie, Si Lu, Hu Yuan, Shu Yang

Once again, my birthday ended in a way beyond my expectations ^^

My legs are officially dead after today's training. But with only 1 year to train for 2 competitions before handing over, I'll put in all my effort into making this work. Still, my legs are lifeless liao >.>

No idea what to blog

Not being there for your friend when they need you the most is probably the worst thing you can do to him/her. Well, Woon Yang, you can go screw off.

Today was quite a pitiful class gathering for 4F =\ Only 13 people came, and I'd have barbeque over Shokudo anytime. But I'm kinda glad that we had this gathering anyway, even though our class was never bonded.

So there was this debate about whether a guy should be discreet when woo-ing a girl. But then again, how discreet is discreet? If we're talking about talking on the phone and just chatting, then I'd still consider it as "friends" zone, but some other people might not. So let's just put the definition of discreet as "the girl does not notice that the guy likes her in that way". If a guy is direct, and the girl gets scared off, then it's most likely game over for the guy, so much of it depends on the initial impression the girl has of the guy. If she's somewhat attracted, then all the better for the guy.

But if the guy is discreet about his feelings, how long is he gonna be discreet for? There's always the mindset that the guy doesn't want to spoil the quite-good relationship he has with her already in case he screws up. But if he continues to be discreet, then she'll always be just a crush, hence it's either you confess or you let your own feelings die out. And if you confess, there's the chance that the girl only sees you as a friend, and you'll eventually strain or lose the friendship too =\ Or if you wait for the girl to show signs that she likes you before you confess, what if the girl is attracted, but is too shy to show? Then in the end, both parties are at a stalemate >.<

So which is the better choice? I think it's really up to the individual's personality. If he's the kind who's satisfied with just being close, then he'll be more likely to be the discreet type. But this whole thing is ambiguous, since we cannot be 100% sure of what goes on in an individual's head =\

Coming down with cold and sore throat soon. Hopefully won't get too bad =X

They say that if your conscience is clear, you shouldn't be afraid of people talking behind your back. If you believe your actions, then rumours shouldn't affect you. That's easy to say, but I'm sick of being concerned about what people may think of me in some aspects. I'm sick of being protective of my "reputation". Every time I stop myself from doing something I want to do, I get disgusted with myself. From now on, I shall do what I want to do.

I remember thinking about my lack of goals in my life. Without a direction in my life, each day passes like a dream, and nothing seems to be achieved. Everyone wants to achieve something in their lives, but the feeling of not knowing what we want to attain lingers around, causing us to think about what is the purpose of our lives.

However, if we already know the purpose of our lives, then will there be any meaning to continue living? By knowing what we have to do, it shows that our lives are already predetermined, and there are some things that you just can't do. Instead, I believe that the purpose of living our lives, is to find the one thing we want to achieve. Everyone set materialistic goals, but not know the things which makes our lives fulfilling. Sometimes, it can be the smallest of things, like having meals with the family, or just being together with your loved ones. But the main point is that we should not think our lives are meaningless just because we don't know what we want. Life is the process in which we figure out what we want, hence it's not meaningless.

Happy Belated Birthday to Kai Jun, Happy Birthday to Jon Tay, Happy BeEarly Birthday to Jun Long

And of course, Happy Birthday to my Sis =P Classic cheese is delicious as usual, but I can only finish 1 piece at a go >.>

In pokemon, you have this situation

Haunter uses confusion!
Pikachu is now confused!
Haunter uses confuse ray!
It has no effect on Pikachu!


However, reality has shown that as more work piles up, your stress level increases (maybe not for me=X ). Likewise, every confusing event just serves to complicate things further. If only this is pokeworld, then the subsequent events will no longer have an effect on me.

Emo emo emo...

Okay, time to get back to editting my ILP script =\ I really shouldn't be distracting myself >.>

Knowledge can be a scary thing. The more you know, the more you wished you hadn't. Curiousity may not kill the cat, but it certainly can harm the human mind. It's like quicksand, a territory you shouldn't step into - once you enter, it's difficult to come out. You can only stay still, as the knowledge swallows you up little by little. But what's worse is to want to know something that you know you shouldn't. And when you finally finds out, you realise it would have been better not to know. Or worse still, to know that something through the wrong means, which may potentially harm the things/people you value. But pretending not to know will be equivalent to denying the truth, and that's not always the best thing to do. The harder path may not be easy to go through, but the easy path may not be all that it seems. What's at the end of the route, may lead to more lies, and more denial. If it's easy, then it's not worth it.

Of course, this stuff does not apply to everything, but only to whatever I'm feeling now. The difficult path will not be easy to trod, yet it may be the only right path.

Had JTS at SuanThai just now. For some reason I don't feel like blogging about it. Just visit my class blog and wait for someone to update =P Still uploading the pictures...

How do you know if you like someone? Common answers such as butterflies in your stomach or you just know are somewhat unsatisfactory. Even if there's no distinct trait, how can you tell whether you like the person as a sister, or somethings more? For someone who has mixed this up before, can he ever be sure of not committing the same mistake again?

Went swimming today. I'm surprised that I can actually finish my 1st lap in one go after not swimming for god-knows-how-many-months (swimming noob here btw) And I've actually went shopping which happens in once in 2 blue moons? Realised that Bedok has a lot of poser clothes (not my type) but the clothes there are quite cheap anyway ^^

Went back to Secret Recipe today to return my uniform and collect my cheque. In the end, it was my cheque for January, not return of clothes =X All the colleagues I've worked with during the holidays have resigned already, leaving my manager with a new set of staff. Somehow, I kinda pity her, but I wonder whether she's used to it.

Going back there brought back quite a lot of memories. I remembered my colleague asking me whether I was looking forward to the start of school back in December in which I replied a straightforward NO. Thinking back, I might have been too narrow-minded then. All the school-related things I was thinking then were tutorials, lectures, projects and all those mugging. But that's just one aspect of school right? There are friends to joke around with, lame around with, stone around with and laugh around with. And so far, I think that's what making school life so enjoyable right now (even though there WAS a period of emo-ing ). In a flash, it's already the last week of school. Then you start asking yourself, "What have I done during this 2 months?" - Making a lot of friends and just plain having fun. But are we treasuring this period of joy? Rather, I think we're taking this time for granted, thinking it'll last forever. It won't, so I guess we should, or rather must, treasure the time we have now.

Oh yeah, I ordered Classic Cheese whole cake to be collected on 5th March. Too bad, not for you, JTay =P Gawd, can't wait for it to arrive xD

Life is may be stranger than fiction, but sometimes life can be just a like a play. Somehow, this time I can't put my feelings into words, no matter the number of times I've tried to edit. Sometimes, when a friend has problems, you can only sit and watch, because it is not something you can interfere with. It got me really thoughtful, but for once I cannot write it down here, since it involves too many people. But I guess the overall line of though would be "Can you be contented with just having a platonic relationship, or are you willing to risk it, for hope of something better to happen?"

Interestingly, it doesn't apply to just one particular person, but perhaps some others may relate to it as well. Sometimes I wonder if confession is just a game of probability, even though I disagree all the time. We are talking about the feelings of real life people here, and it feels like an insult to others if you think you can predict their feelings, based on mathematical calculation.

M.A.D and Guitar Ensemble auditions are back, but not going to try for them anymore. If I've decide on something, I shouldn't look back right? Anyway today was a really tiring day. POP sapped all my energy reserved for today. It's not like there's much of a difference, since I'm pretty much stoning during lessons anyway ^^

No idea why I'm blogging, not like anything particularly interesting happened. Just felt like blogging, even though I'm still feelings stoned ._.

People might think that I'm crazy for blogging almost right after I've reached home but it's best to blog when the feeling is still fresh within me.

O2 wasn't VERY fun. Going through 1 orientation is great. Going through 2? No thanks =\ There were supposed to be 2 girls and 3 guys joining us, but became 1 girl 4 guys, the same ratio as those that left. Mei ling, Lin Yi, Samuel and Yunfeng. Can tell that some of them were simply dao, but quite expected lah. I felt the same way during 1st Orientation.

POP (Post Orientation Party) was just as Lin Chen described - Dance, dance and more dance. Okay, there's songs and cheers too ^^ Ares won the best faculty dance, but I believed most, if not all, of us had fun in one way or another. It definitely ended a lot better for me this time than Campfire night 'cos I was all moody >.>

Think I just dao tomorrow lah, can't be bothered to think about schoolwork right now. This is what party is supposed to be about - to forget all your worries and just get high xD

Just one question - Why do girls have it around the same time even though their birthdays are quite far apart? Hmm...

Singapore Airshow 2008 is hot. Well, literally too. Went with Janus and the other HC people. The morning talks were plain boring, but the afternoon exhibition was quite cool. Um I mean hot >.> The worst part of the exhibition is getting in and coming out liao.

People who hasn't got in when the airshow started

The queue for bus to Pasir Ris ._.
Look like paper aeroplanes..
Beyond first-class

Unfortunately, we couldn't enter the A380. Reached home at around 5pm. A wonder how I survived until then, since I didn't have breakfast and lunch at all =\

Anyway last night's dramafest was crappy. I'm not saying the plays, but the live feed seriously sucks. It spoiled the atmosphere totally. It's hard to concentrate with the poor video and sound quality, so can't enjoy it as much as I would have wanted. Nevertheless, I think everyone who participated deserve to be praise for the hard work they have put in, even if Athena didn't win anything. Not the first time I'm quoting this, but Mr Tok used to say: "If you have put in your best effort, then you have succeeded. Winning a trophy or title is only a bonus."

The very mention of it sends chills down to every guy's spine. For 2 months, every birthday boy cowers in fear, silently hoping that It Which Must Not Be Named will not reach them. They run, and they hide. Some managed to escape to safety, but others could only struggle helplessly as its minions carry them towards their doom. As onlookers watched their fellow comrades being sent to hell on Earth, they are reminded of the fact that their own peaceful days are numbered.

BUT. One man came and saved them all. He gained control of the territory, and announced its banishment from the land for eternity. To aid those who underwent the traumatic experience in their recovery, all evidence of It Which Must Not Be Named must be destroyed. The very mentioning of its existence is considered a treason, and He Who Saved Them All dispatched his Internal Security team to seek out those who wish to cause disruption, and bring them to justice. Therefore, you have been warned. Do not trust anyone, for it may be you who will be banished next.

Seriously, there is something wrong with the school management. "You have two choices: CS session or to be my spy." Firstly, what right do you have to mete out punishment for something we have no idea is wrong? So, you have decided that flag-poling (I'm no Harry Potter, but I dare say it) is banned. But who has mentioned that posting online about it is against the school rules? In the end, we have not done anything wrong. It is YOU who are threatening us even though you have nothing to base it upon. Is this how a teacher with ranking in this prestigious school should behave? YOU are the one who has tarnished our school's reputation.

"Visitors who see this happening will be thinking, 'Is this how Hwachong-ians are like?' " Yes, this is how we behave. Yes, this is how naughty we are. Yes, this is what we Hwachongians are like. Why are you so afraid of visitors having a bad impression of us? If these visitors are given an impression of what we are not, then isn't that equivalent to lying to them? If this is part of being an adult, then I'd rather not grow up.

And Mr Discipline Master, if you have any qualms about me posting this in my personal blog, I'm Chua Woon Yang of 08S6A.

blah midnight and I've just given up on maths tutorial. At least I did try complete some questions >.> Now gottta pia my long overdue kinematics tutorial. Luckily, there's a 1-hour break tomorrow which will be more than enough to cross-reference (taken from Mr How) xD

Listening to The Great Spy Experiment album now. They're really good, just a pity that Singaporeans generally have low interest and exposure towards local bands =(

Thinking back, the wushu trainings I've been to for 9 years (almost a decade) may have been pointless, as I did not understand the purpose of it. I was hasty and only seek to learn new routines, hence losing interest as I was becoming stagnant. "Strengthening of the body" is the true purpose, but I didn't know about it then. I started learning because of interest, continued striving because of interest, and stopped because of interest. If I had known about it earlier, would I have continued?

Wushu, track, piano and many other stuff. Well, mainly those 3 which I've put in years of effort only to stop for a reason such as "loss of interest". Because of this excuse, I wonder how many people I've disappointed. I cannot face my 武术师父, and I cannot face any of my track coaches. How many more will I disappoint in the future? It's a no wonder why I cannot accomplish a single thing now.

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Once bitten, twice shy - something I really need to understand. Too bad, I've deleted my old blog, else I can read through all the emo stuff and remind myself not to let history repeat again.

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Is a simple greeting too much to hope for?

When a ship is sinking, the many small boats leave in different directions. Some boats may land on shore, but others may drift to nowhere.

When a ship leaves the dock, will it return, or will it land elsewhere?

When friends drift apart, it is done so naturally. But is there such a thing as being forced to drift away?

Just a few moments after the last post, it's a joke that I even typed More Than Meets the Eye. Indeed. Even with my weak vocabulary, I can think of a few words that represents my feelings right now.

Facade. Pretense. Bluff. False Front. Sham. Mask. And who can forget illusion? Since that's what I think everything is right now. I can't tell what is real anymore. And to think of what was written in my fortune cookie, I think my life's a joke right now. Everything just coincides perfectly, but all in the wrong way. I'm not gonna jump to conclusions, but nothing can stop the feeling within me right now.

And before you jump into the wrong conclusions, these feelings do not occur only between guys and girls, even if they are perfectly heterosexual.

Just a tribute to my late uncle. I wanted to scan all the newspaper articles initially but my scanner has some problems so will just make do with these =\ I haven't received the photos taken during the funeral though, so it'll be pretty short.

Articles about him after his demise

Look who sent flowers ^^

From today's newspaper Home Pg6

I chanced upon one of my cousins' blog. Read what she wrote about Uncle Edwin. Quite touching, but at the same time quite "innocent". I shan't use the synonym with negative connotation here, but there's always more than meets the eye.

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Forgot the rest of what I wanted to blog about ^^ Besides Nick crashing my school today. Oh ya his initial impression of our school was bad this morning because...

*Looks at Sherwyn and Louis pia-ing physics*
Nick to me: Why your school so mug one?

And fac dance was pathetic. Oh well.

Really tired. I wanna sleep soon but I'll lose the current feeling if I sleep now =\ Today's valentine's day is a trip to Mandai. Well, Mandai crematorium. My cousin asked a very valid question: "Why do everyone only cry today?"

It's quite hard to pinpoint to the exact answer, but for one I believe that the feeling of loss hasn't really sunk in before. Seeing my uncle resting in peace is one thing, but I guess seeing the coffin being carried away is another. The same goes for the cremation, even though we didn't get to see the coffin being burnt as with my grandfather's. Nevertheless, the realization that "he's really dead" just crashes into you. Even my cousins were crying, even though none of us were really close to him. For someone who is not relevant to your current life, you may think his loss will not have a strong impact. But then again, this someone has made an impact in your life, no matter how small - and I believe that's what make all the difference. However, I wonder if I'll be able to hold back my tears the next time another of my relatives pass away.

Oh and one of the interesting things people do during funerals: Hitting on a girl. The alleged hitter? My uncle's godson. The alleged victim? My sister ^^ They were chatting casually last night until he asked for email address or phone number then she keep dodging the question. Then today I was forced to sit with her in case he came >.> We were joking that she should have gave him her boyfriend's number or call him to come ^^ Let's see - towering at over 180cm, Aikido blue belt( could have been brown) and looks like a gorilla. Then draw a dragon tattoo on each arm xD But anyway, that guy didn't come today =X

Okay, time to sleep. I mean plan my GP >.> And and and...Happy Valentine's Daty everyone =)

Really tired. I wanna sleep soon but I'll lose the current feeling if I sleep now =\ Today's valentine's day is a trip to Mandai. Well, Mandai crematorium. My cousin asked a very valid question: "Why do everyone only cry today?"

It's quite hard to pinpoint to the exact answer, but for one I believe that the feeling of loss hasn't really sunk in before. Seeing my uncle resting in peace is one thing, but I guess seeing the coffin being carried away is another. The same goes for the cremation, even though we didn't get to see the coffin being burnt as with my grandfather's. Nevertheless, the realization that "he's really dead" just crashes into you. Even my cousins were crying, even though none of us were really close to him. For someone who is not relevant to your current life, you may think his loss will not have a strong impact. But then again, this someone has made an impact in your life, no matter how small - and I believe that's what make all the difference. However, I wonder if I'll be able to hold back my tears the next time another of my relatives pass away.

Oh and one of the interesting things people do during funerals: Hitting on a girl. The alleged hitter? My uncle's godson. The alleged victim? My sister ^^ They were chatting casually last night until he asked for email address or phone number then she keep dodging the question. Then today I was forced to sit with her in case he came >.> We were joking that she should have gave him her boyfriend's number or call him to come ^^ Let's see - towering at over 180cm, Aikido blue belt( could have been brown) and looks like a gorilla. sd

Not my fault. I wanna stay up to do my tutorials but...sigh.. teachers only want the best for us right? So must listen to them:

Have at least 8 hours of sleep the night before (but don't be late for school)

It's not possible for me to have 8 hours of sleep AND not be late for school already, so I need to prioritize.

Sleeping rejuvenates the body, and is healthy for both body and mind.
Not being late for school means less sleep, hence less healthy.
Health > Studying and being punctual.

So which should be my priority? Of course 8 hours of sleep. So if I'm late for school tomorrow, the school should not punish me for taking care of my health right? G'nitez =D

P.S I doubt they are taking down names to commend

My heart has been racing for some reason. No, it didn't go for an early start for Wed's X-country ^^ Neither because Valentine's Day is coming ._. Nor is it because Total Defence Day is coming this Friday -.- And I doubt it's because of tomorrow's essay test =X

In fact, I doubt I'm gonna 'prepare' for it. What have we practised so far? Thesis statements, topic sentences and supposedly introduction -.- Let's see...

Stand - I disagree that I should prepare for the essay test.

Thesis Statement - Last-minute revision for an unimportant test is inefficient and may develop into a bad habit.

Topic Sentence 1: The essay test will not be counted to our final mark.
Topic Sentence 2: Last-minute revision will not be productive and may cause students to misunderstand concepts.
Topic Sentence 3: Revising at the eleventh hour is inefficient, therefore we should not even study so as not to habitualize.
Random Sentence: Staying up late for something important may lead one to become impotent.

Intro - Current trends show that Hwa Chong students tend to revise at the last minute before a test, even if it is not important.

For an individual to become successful, he/she needs to be able to self-motivate, something I seriously lack. Remembering one of the posts I made, I guess it is unfair to compare my inabilities to others. Those people train and practise seriously, while I'm only doing things half-heartedly, thus I'm always neither here nor there. I guess that's why I always think back to the times in sec 2, when I trained with my whole heart and soul, with all the fellow trackers motivating one another. Too bad, running or jumping is no longer one of my interests, thus I cannot go back to Track. But now I think more than I missed the times together, I yearn more for the motivation, whether from friends, peers or coach. Maybe that's why I'm so reluctant to join recreational CCA. I don't wanna look back years from now and think "how much of my life I have wasted?" I want to be able to set a target, and achieve it.

Knowing what I want, it's easier to catch hold of it. But until the time when CCA is compulsory, I'll enjoy the remaining freedom I have =]

If you watched CNA for the flash news below or watched any of the news or read the newspaper tomorrow, you'll see something like "Singapore Chinese Ink Painter and Culture Medallion winner Chua Ek Kay dies at 61." Any relation to me?

3rd day of CNY 9.45am - My father woke me up and told me that my uncle has passed away.

Well, actually according to my cousins, he passed away on Friday night and my parents were there, so I guess me and my sis were a bit late in finding out >.> Can't say I'm devastated by the news, I'm not even very depressed since I wasn't very close to him. Actually, he wasn't very close to any of my cousins either =\ Nothing much to there, my cousins and I hanging around collecting condolence money and crapping about stuff. Oh yeah, there was a family who came for a surprise visit to wish my uncle happy cny, but I wonder who got surprised instead.

Actually I do find the whole thing saddening. I mean, it's inevitable that you will feel sad if someone related to you passes away, even if he or she isn't very close to you. But more than that, we have to wake up to the reality that not everyone will live to a ripe old age. For my uncle's case it was not very, but still quite sudden. He had nose cancer since 3 years ago, but it aggravated 2 weeks ago, then this happened. We don't get to live as long as we want. Then I thought of my father who is only a few years my uncle's junior, I just went "oh shit". But the thing is, we don't know the true value of things until we lose it. But by then, everything will be too late. Just as we don't know the meaning of loneliness until we experience accompaniment, we don't know the meaning of life until we experience death (okay that sounds weird). But that's life, isn't it? We always respond the slowest to the things most important to us.

Then there's the thing I remembered from Tuesdays With Morrie. How many people who came to offer their condolence actually visit him occasionally? What's the point of vising a dead person, when you could have visited him when he was alive? That's just ironic.

If you wanna see how famous he is, just google his name and check the selling price of his art pieces >.> Or you can just read the news article here

Not sure whether it'll be alright to post this up but whatever.

If one of your relatives pass away, even if he isn't really close to you, are you supposed to feel sad? Somehow it feels strange, since right now I'm blogging about it, as if it has nothing to do with me. To be truthful, I don't even feel sad right now, since I'm not so close to him anyway. Is that being heartless?

3rd day of CNY, a can-still-be-considered-happy occasion, my father woke me and said that one of my uncles has passed away.

I wonder how my father felt, since he was pretty nonchalant about it. But just imagine one of your siblings passing away, how will it feel? Somehow, I don't really know

Firstly, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! =)

It's the 2nd day of CNY already. Spent the whole afternoon visiting everyone's house (not everyone actually, only three). It's better than last year since 2 of my relatives (whole family) were at Australia at that time. Spent the whole night re-watching Claymore (actually I fell asleep halfway, my sister finished it) and that's basically the whole day ._. Oh yeah, some of my cousins (some = 12) should still be watching Ah Long Pte Ltd right now. Wanted to join them but got too lazy and I might fall asleep halfway =X

There was something I wanted to blog about but after thinking through the consequences and repercussions, I've decided against it =X So I shall sleep instead. No idea why I'm so sleepy =S

o.O 1 week since I've blogged. Paiseh to those who came and left disappointed, black out at home caused my modem to go haywire >.> Shan't go into boring details. It's been a while since I've last went without internet, so once again I've realised how well I have been using my time >.> To put it simply, I've been wasting my life away while on the internet xD But besides that not-so-surprising realisation, I think I've gained more knowledge with regards to my own social circle, but I think I've known it for a long time, just that I refuse to acknowledge it. Oh, and the fortune inside my red packet today stated something quite interesting but uncannily enough, getting this fortune might be fate.

"The new year will be a good time for you to renew old acquaintances. Look out for someone you haven't seen in a while."

They say quarrels are needed for couples to understand each other better, but somehow during the process, the third party will suffer psychological damage. My mood is kinda ruined right now, and it's only 2 days to CNY.

Played tennis with Jun Jie and Hu Yuan after fac dance, and for a period of time, with Sherwyn. Not surprised at how suck my skills are, considering the number of times I've played in my life (you can count with your fingers!) But it's damn fun anyway xD

Somehow, I think the emo side of me has passed, which means less "thoughtful" posts and more boring day-to-day activities ^^

Today... nothing significant happened. Well there was the lecturing by our CT/GP tutor, but I couldn't really take notice of what she said, because I don't know where her negative sentiments are coming from, nor do I know the reason why she was lecturing us. If we don't see the purpose, then how can we take action?

Went to Donut Factory at Raffles City after with my ILP group to do research. And as I predicted, there was no point going ( besides buying half a dozen after queue-ing for less than 2min ). And Missy Donut marketing department is soooo helpful.

Me: Hi, we're students from Hwa Chong Institution College Section working on a project about the price movement of donuts. Would you mind if you answer a few questions to help us out with our project?

Person: Yes.

Wtf -.- And the number Donut Factory gave us was pretty useful too.

DF: Hi good afternoon -
*Me going to start speaking*
DF: Thank you for calling Donut Factory. For more information, please visit our website at www.donutfactory.com.sg.

-.- Well I guess something significant did happen today ^^

I'm cca-less. Whee. Didn't get through hip hop auditions. Kinda expected, seeing the number of zhai-kia taking part.

Jack of all trades, the master of none. Perfect description for me. Let's see...
I can play piano, but not as skilled or talented as Luther and Nicholas.
I can play guitar, but not as pro as Yew Wei and co.
I can play basketball, but not as pro as a lot of people.
I can do programming, but not as pro as a lot of people.
I THINK I can dance, but doesn't seem like it.
I can run, but not as fast as Jun Lin or many people.

On the other hand, there's a lot of things I can't do. For one, I can't talk to many people freely. If I continue listing them down, then I won't even be fit to be in 08zbk ._.

You don't have to say it, but you can say it anyway. I know I have an inferiority complex.

Lazy to blog about Senior-treat-Junior - You can read it at my class blog

Okay I just deleted my whole post ._. Too frustrating since I don't even know what I wanted to say, much less what I wanted to do.

Interesting talk today xD Strangely, much of what they said were echoes of what I was thinking some time ago. Maybe they kope from me ^^ But I have a feeling that after today's talk, some people are gonna have wrong interpretation of their feelings >.> But there's this quote from last time which I think is quite meaningful - Infatuation and Love begins the same way, but it's how you continue that matters.

Oh ya, for those who don't know, the talk is titled "

For some reason, I just feel like blogging >.< Maybe I'm just emo-ing too much and dumping all the feelings on this blog, making this seem to emo-ish =\ There's econs lecture test tomorrow but I can't mug anymore >.<

The invoice from Floraville came today. So TO ANYBODY WHO BELIEVED THAT I WOULD HAVE CHEATED YOUR MONEY, THIS IS YOUR GOD DAMNED PROOF. Okay, you'll have to ask me to show you in school 'cos I'm lazy to scan it xD

Feeling sad for those who cannot stay in hci after O's results are out, and also to those who didn't meet their expectations for HMTL. For me, it's above expectations xD Sometimes, you have to be realistic with your targets =]

Anyway, I kinda forgot what I was gonna emo about so too bad xD

Stayed in school until 6, even though I can't remember what we were doing >.< Let's see, teaching Han Yang to solve rubik's cube, playing cards ( oh crap 4 demerit points ) and stoning. It's interesting how we make use of our free time,

I really hope to pass hip hop auditions >.< Including 2nd round of course, but 1st round first =) Monday..... Chances are slim ( no not samuel lim) but it never hurts to hope right? Then if I dont get in, I'll break all the guys' legs so they can't join anymore muahahaha xD Okay I'm getting zi-high >.>

Wait, there's econs test tomorrow.

*Goes back to emo self*

Nah, econs test doesn't matter =) What matters is that the fun people in my CT can continue here. One from my class didn't do well enough, but there's always a chance to appeal through right?

No matter how long it rains, the sun will eventually shine.

Going into JC is enriching in a way. It opens up your eyes to the truth on what has been blind to you before. For example, the number of close friends you actually have.

If

Sorry guys, hate it to break it to you, but if does not exist in reality. It's only a figment of your own imagination, thinking that you're something that you're not. "If I started mugging as early as *name*, my results confirm better". Yes, IF you had, but reality is, you hadn't and you probably couldn't. Some people are hardworking by nature, and it shows how self-disciplined they are. You think you can be one of them? Prove it. People delude themselves into thinking that they are better than others, when in reality, it's just them trying to find excuses and making themselves feel better.

Today is a very... sadded day. Okay it only started very badly, but I laughed it off anyway. So what happened is that I woke up at 6.30, got ready by 6.45 and waited for a taxi...and waited...and waited...until 7.10am -.- By the time I reached school it's already 7.35. David caught me, or Mr Woon formally (sounds like I'm calling myself =\). So in the end, I got slapped with 1 temp demerit point AND wasted 13 bucks ( the taxi driver was kind enough to waive off the 70 cents). But seriously, more than 1 taxi driver (2 actually) drove past me even after ( and continued) to flag -.-

I don't know why I'm feeling so laid back, I've got Maths tutorial tomorrow and I still got half of tutorial 3 and whole of tutorial 4 undone >.>

Dramafest auditions tomorrow, Stanley's gonna have 1 hour break tomorrow =\ I wonder who's the wise guy who ticked everybody's name for cast auditions -.-

Hip hop auditions on Wednesday! Last time I checked, 105 applicants. Number of people to get through 1st auditions? 30. Carlos said the dance will be harder than fac dance, wondering how much harder =\ Only 30min to learn the choreograph, memorising dance steps quickly is not one of my forte >.< Damn scared I can't get in, cause I'm not really interested in other CCA besides guitar ensemble and I missed ge fang auditions. And it just happens that guitar interview is on Wed too. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!

Today's OG Outing turn-up rate is below expectations, but I guess all of us had fun at one point or another. I was stoning more than usual for some reason but I'm really trying to change >.>

Someone's wake is going on just below my block. Kinda reminds me of my grandfather's but since I'm not that close to him, it doesn't stir up much emotions. But it makes me sad, just thinking that someone I know has passed away =\

Nothing to crap about so I'll just sign off here. And next, Maths tutorial...zzz..

Many times I've read about people bitching about their lives or how confused they are in their blogs, but when you try to be caring and get them to talk to you, it's often too late. It sucks, isn't it? There's so many reasons for that refusal, may it be that they already got over it, they don't trust you enough or they just want to keep to themselves. No matter what the reasons are, I think the one reading will keep feeling worried for the person. Isn't that a bit selfish of the blogger? You bitch around maybe because you want someone to feel concerned about you, but in the end you choose not to tell anyone about it and the people around you feel rejected or that you don't trust them enough. Then if no one talks to you about it, you feel that no one in your world cares about you. Isn't that ironic?

Okay, enough crapping. I only wrote that because being the one reading the post, there's the quandary between trying to reach out or just forget the whole issue. When you get rejected so many times after trying to reach out and show your concern for the person, there's always a lingering thought on whether it is worth it or not. But on that note, I believe that even if your concerns get rejected for 99 times but on the 100th time, someone chooses to believe in you, then it's still worth it. Shucks, I've just solved my own 'problem' -.-

At home right now, since I've ponned school xD Then called my manager to apologize to him because even though there's an extreme shortage of workers, I doubt he'll want someone coughing and sneezing while serving the customers >.>

Oh ya, did I mention I'm quiting? I actually feel quite bad about it though, but to regain something, sometimes you need to forsake something else. I didn't realise it at first, that I've forgotten something really important in my life while working in the holidays. And the initial decision to continue working after school starts is also due to forgetting about that aspect of my life. I guess it's only until last Saturday when some friends came to find me that I actually realized my loss. But today, I wonder again whether it'll come back.

They say "Old friends are gold, New friends are silver." But our lives are everchanging, and the changes in environment makes one wonder whether old friends will always continue to be gold, and whether new friends will turn to gold. Somehow, you try to keep old friends as gold and new friends as silver, yet some other people rather let new friends turn to gold, and the old friends...well I dunno. Yet in this situation, you treat your old friends as gold, while they treat you indifferently, and you and your new friends treat one another as silver, so in the end, you're left with no gold.

"I wanted to be alone, yet hoped for someone to find me. But if someone had, then I couldn't have found myself."

I remember we took a MI personality test in sec 1, and my "strongest" trait is intra-personal. 4 years later, it still stands. Did some soul-searching ( or emo-ing) today, and I understood more about my feelings. In a way, it's good. I had some misunderstood feelings. Actually not misunderstood, but I just can't find the right word. But the situation is strangely similar to 7 years ago. Have I not matured in thinking since then? Maybe I have, since I realised it before it was too late, which in a way, is good I guess?

On the other hand, I guess my inter-personal trait still sucks as bad as ever.

Orientation has ended. After this week, it'll be lectures and tutorials or whatever. Somehow, the past 1 n half weeks feel more like a dream to me. All the fun and excitement just don't feel realistic anymore. Yet, it's there. It happened before. The last 1 n half weeks is reality. And what is the proof of that?

OG'16 (=

Oh and I've just made a new resolution for myself. Actually, I made it this morning but whatever. I had too many regrets due to my own personal flaws. So from now on, it's no more regrets xD

Do you want to live a life filled with regrets, or do you want to create moments you'll never forget?

Hate is a very strong word, so I shall try not to use it.

I have an extremely strong dislike for my CT.
I have an extremely strong dislike for the office not to accept anymore changes to the classes.
And I hate the way I'm feeling right now.

Even though I considered changing my classes before today, I wanted to just experience one day, in case I'm wrong.

But I'm not. and unfortunately the general office decided to stop allowing changes this morning. I cannot stand breathing the same air as my CT before the day even ended. I just had to get away from them.

OG-sick? Maybe. This orientation is probably the best I'll have in my whole life, and the oh-so-sudden changes to the atmosphere is simply something I can't take. Looking through the photos I took of my OG yesterday isn't helpful.

Okay, I'm going back to emo. My only wish now is to lose this feeling after I wake up tomorrow. There is always a chance that tomorrow is better than today.