Not your typical kind of girl

Seriously. I really want to realize my dreams but how? 

Everybody is like, go and study first, go and study first. I don't want to come out into the work force with 24k worth of debts to pay for! And I don't want to live my uni life as poor as a church mourse. Instead, I want to live a luxurious life where I can eat, travel and shop whatever I want with my own hard-earned money. I'm not someone who is lucky enough to be born rich. I'm not someone who had the foundations laid up in front of me and be able to choose what I want to do with a few grands backing behind me whether I make it or break it. I'm all self-sufficient and in order to live the kinda life I want, I would need to work doubly hard. 

Don't you guys understand? 

The scandal of Grace, You died in my place so my soul will live.

I love You Lord. 

I'm sorry for all that I've done, I'm sorry for exploiting the Grace that was give to me through your death. 

I love You. 

Take me back to the start, to my first love with You. 

I love You, sweet Jesus.

"And He said to me: My Grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in your weaknesses." - 2 Cor 12:9

When i read back the posts for 2013. I felt like 2013 hasn't been goood. Shit happens and i didn't pen down any happy moments. I just felt so sorry for myself.. Even had the thought of crying. :(

Too many heartaches. Too many disappointments. 2013, Y U NO TREAT ME GOOD??!

Anyhooo, gon' embark in a new journey.. Starting full-time work as a Marketing cum Marcom Admin Assistant. Sounds good uh? Hope it will be! So excited for work 2 days laterrrr. 

Whooop Whoop! 

Pray for good colleagues, interesting workload, many things to learn, less of the mundanes and more on the spice, 0 politics and 0 stress! bonus: more pay pretty pleaseeeeeee (beams.with.big.puppy.eyes)

Sincerely,

Excited-for-work-and-hopes-that-it-will-be-a-goood-3mths-girl

我还累哦。

没想到我好久没post得第一章，是那么negative。Setbacks in life always crushes me so badly, it's like there is nothing that I can feel positive about as the negatives way outweighs the positives. It's not like I hadn't worked hard enough. I feel that I do and I deserve a huge holiday but life don't work out that way. 😔 Why do I still end up with failures in my life. I absolutely loathes failing and not living up to the kind of standards I had set for myself.. 

Where will I find time to finish whatever I need to accomplish before I graduate? I'm feeling extremely down. Extremely extremely. So bad that I kinda feel numb that I feel like I deserve all these. 

What am I suppose to feel and do? I do remember God's goodness and grace. But how do I make this feeling go away? 

I can't see where I'm heading. 

Zilch

My past is hindering me. I now realized that I am still not ready. Too afraid to move forward and fight for what I want. It all lies with my past, too much hurt, disappointments and un-livened expectations. Now my only fortress and refuge is God the Father and Jesus. I can no longer think of what I want but looking solely upon God. 2012 is such a bad year. Too many dramas. Too many questions.

Keep keeping the faith, and hope for the future. #thinkpositive

Specks

Nothing is ever fair in this world. I can't help but to be pessimistic at times. Whenever good things happen, bad things have to come. And when bad things comes, they come in lots!
Life always made me feel that i made bad decisions. And circumstances always makes me commit mistakes that I never thought I would. It sucks a lot.
I wish God erased all my iniquities and also erased the specks that are in other peoples' eyes. The judgements, they suffocates me. The mistakes reminds themselves.
I just want to live a peaceful life where everything works for good..

😞

Just got over another awful work day. If shit happens more than once, this meant that I really have some issues of my own. Well, maybe I need to learn to grow up and stop being a baby. The 'shitjustgotreal' moment when your manager approached you to talk about your attitude.

Some stuffs I should really learn to keep in mind. Too many things in life I need to learn to suck it up!! This is working life!!? I am really making my life miserable. I guess I don't really know how to manage stress well. I would just holler and run away. Because i had never been a great fan of facing conflicts. There's always 2 side to every stories, it depends how you wanna look at it. It could be positive or negative. It all lies with your thinking. I'd always hope to keep a positive mindset but it most definitely did not happen. Why can't life be easy and people to be nice. Everybody thinks for themselves and always insists in their own way and thinking. I am also like that. Selfish, self-sustaining, self-righteous. Whatever we practice doesn't means another will do likewise.
I just hope today will be overwritten, and that I can relived today and mend the hole that I created due to lack of self-control. But life doesn't happen this way and it is almost impossible to close this unfortunate chapter even with massive amount of good deeds done.
So many biblical teachings I learnt and knew but not practiced. I know but I don't do likewise. God help me.. Let there not be another 3 time. I had died enough already..

Don't waste the pretty.

Finally decided to go SOT 2013! woohooooooooo~
Can't believe it took me so long to decide! Not gon' waste this precious 7months of experiencing God! Gon' work super duper hard! Well, maybe i can allow some distractions but not going to invest any feelings cuz feelings are useless! They just drag people away from their destiny and down from their goals. Oh and when it happens, it happen. So no point forcing it and wait and wait and wait for something to happen, even though ykno it ain't going to happen your way, the way you like it or not. I'm so much better off like that, as good as new, a fresh start and a new beginning.
The money will come, the money will come. Everything will fall nicely and snugly in place. I don't worry, cuz Heaven's got a plan for me. :)

Bulletproof, nothin' to lose.

Who am i kidding?
One month to becoming a big girl, one month to decide what i really want, one month to giving my life once again to Jesus. Been so worldly during internship. The flesh ish weak. So lost as to what i REALLY want.
I guess i just want some companionship, and let's not be so attached, lest i hurt myself again. We'll see how it  goes, see how long both of us can stick around. Let's hope this is a 2 way thing, i've made myself pretty clear. OR you can ask.