Internship

Feel like shit, feel like shit. Why do i have to work for so many graveyard shifts compared to the other 2 interns. I gave my best in everything i do and i get back one complaint and no compliments. Sometimes, i wonder is it because the person who plan my schedule doesn't like me a lot? Or am i not good enough? I am constantly struggling with my esteem in this internship. They always make me feel small, unaccomplished. I got lectured on my religion, on how i was not strong enough. Even my lead that loved me a lot, (i can feel it) gave me this really long prep talk on my future, on my future job prospect. I really feel so down and i could not stop thinking bout them. Colleagues in my department are all graduates of Poly with high GPA and most of them are studying in Uni. I feel so insecure with my pathetic GPA score and i really need to study in Uni.

I did everything i was told, newsletters, back-to-back graveyard shifts in a row for 4 consecutive days and multiple graveyard shifts for HAP. And what did i get?
NOTHING, no appreciation but piling ups of graveyard shifts yet, again.

I really can cry like literally. I have not been to church for so many months because of the cock up shifts. I wished i had a choice. My wish is very simple, just give me Wednesday and Sunday off so i can serve in my ministry and go for services. :(

Because seriously, i feel like i am treated like shit. I wished i was highly favoured. :''(

Yup. Go ahead, You do what you gon' do man!

I did my part. I put down my pride partially. You can take everyone. Tell everybody your side of the story and make me look bad. It wasn't my fault until i break the promise. But on my part, i didn't think that i was in the wrong. I was the victim. I had choices so i chose the one that you didn't want me to, which is saying the truth. Whatever it is, she should not say that about me. And you shouldn't even tell me anything. I dint wanna know! Go on and hate me for something so trivial.

More.

idk why i don't blog anymore. :( Maybe, there aint anything fun and interesting to update. Getting really sick of my life. hahhaha. well, it is pretty happening with partying and guys, filling with yummy food and beers. I don't really feel like partying that much anymore. Shopping is like the most interesting thing to me. i love looking good. and when i feel like i am enjoying my life, i have to know guys who would spoil my fun. SIGH.
what is it with guys? what is it with girls? Why do we always fall for jerks? there's so many i could count. like. For example, J, J, D. idk what is it with them all. :( is there really no happy ever after with tall, dark and handsome guys? (some jerks are not even handsome) =.= DAMN IT. to hell with you guys. i just wished for a little more. More interesting, funny and good looking with sense.

Is it too much to ask for a girl like me? i will just die a nun with Jesus with me.

found this

HAAHAHA. 2010 PRT SC. LOL

Life is beautiful ;)

Life is beautiful.. they say.
Hipsters gon' hip!

My friends asked me to stop saying i am... SIANNNNNNNNN.

yup! so i am going to be excited for every single thinggggggggg. LOL

YAY! SCHOOL! YAY! CHURCH! YAY! PARTY! YAY! SPEND MONEY! YAY! FOODCOURT! YAY! POLITICS! YAY! HANG OUT!

#Projecthappyting YAY!!!

School

My comfort friends in this semester. <3 words cannot explain how they mean to me. Its like i have to meet them at least once a week to hang out, even though i see them 5days a week..

its like when someone is sad, all if us will be affected and feel awkward.. but, when all 4 of us together, pure fun!

Let it count. Be happy my friends :>

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i wonder if it is pure coincidence or on purpose..
i don't know what had i done? or what had i said.
i believe this isn't fair to me, because, when i let this relationship matters, it takes alot. it takes a big part of me away, it takes 2 hands to clap.
And if you don't want to go down this road with me. At least let me know the reasons.
Am i not cool for this shit? i can't change my commitments for this, but i will do the very least to make time for you guys. Ain't it enough? It is not cool to drop a bomb like this. Not cool at all.

In the first place, i never decided to be part of this, until all of you guys drew me in..
Every teardrop is a waterfall.

lost

i wish i knew what you had been thinking.

If God is for us, who can stand against us?

Persecutions everywhere. I saw the news first, almost immediately on Twitter. How could i not know? If everyone(people who were close to me) listened to me FIRST before making any drastic remarks and nasty comments on the social media sites.

How can anyone not feel sad about this? The same incident happened when i was only a 6th month Christian. 2 years passed and the incident is not resolved, yet another arises. Nonetheless, i will continue to stay in church. It is my church, my life. My treasures are there. My friends are there. My life are there.

I go to church every Wednesday for visitations for Children Church Ministry, Fridays for cell group meeting and Saturdays for Service.
Every first Tuesday of the month, i went to leaders' meeting  and every Sunday, i play bastketball with the zone members and cg members. Basically, CHC is my life.

I was not forced to any of this. I gave willingly. I went to church willingly. I served in children church willingly. I loved going for leaders meeting. i love my church friends. They are a part of me because we been through shits together.

Though i am not baptized, my whole family knows i am a CHC Harvester, they did not object to me going there. Who is anyone to comment on this incident except the one who are involved. You are not a direct stakeholder.

If you were to ask me, what did Pst Kong do with the 23mil, honestly, i don't know anything. What i can say is that, the crossover project is real. We impacted Asia, impacted the Chinese Markets and even UK. We have affiliated churches in the whole of Asia and we do community work and build orphanages and schools. What more can anyone say?

Don't abuse grace.

Awesome word this few weeks yawxz. ^^
love God so much. a truck load!
no moree distractions, focus yaw focus focus!
been spending time to breathe with my Abba Father. ^^
Trying my best not to abuse the grace that is given to me.

有些人進入我們的生命，在心中留下足跡，使我們不再一樣。

i don't want to think about it. hmm hmm hmm.
why do we always like the one who ignores us. huh huh huh.
:( sian. can't stop thinking.
i need help from above. i know and i know. when i start confessing. This feeling will be gone.
But what if i don't want it gone? What if i want this feeling to stay?
GUARD. MY. HEART. Don't you ever learnt?

anyway i love Maroon 5.

Doing something crazy in e middle of a night. Lol! Racing with time, running under drizzles just tp feel life again.

Hope tonight will be awesome.

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Lost in the moment.

Somethings bout myself i don't know how to go about sharing.. Because sharing doesn't help to solve my problem but instead allowing more people to know deeper.. I really do not know what to do now.. My habits are too horrendous and i am an ultimate big spender. Time to change.. Life just isn't smooth sailing for everyone, at least not for me..

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Hey i just met you, and this is crazy

hehehe. in love with TVD. THE VAMPY DIARIES LOL! i very lagg i know. as always rightxzxz.
I've decided to be happy for life manxz. Why would i want to dwell in misery? I mean why would anyone rightt?

Tryna' make the best out of every little thing in my life. Like, say... Work? Having eyecandies to get me thru the day hehehe. Say.. School? Party all night, dance all day. LOL!! Ignore all the politics, Act blur live longer, You only live once #YOLO hahahha. Say.. Church? Continue to serve in my new ministry, Children Church. Helped out in the CG as much as possible. :D Most of all, be faithful in the little things and God would be faithful in His ways. ^^


spent a bomb on this girl hahaah huili <3


RUNNING MANXZXZ



my last sem classmates were so lovely to plan bday surprise for me! Janexoxo :*





Celebrated Jas's bday :*


with yang mehmehhh


finally met awesomepororo hahahaa

THIS


more pictures in my phoneeee xoxo

Letting go.

It took me one sorrowful bday for me realized what to do..

Let go.

Yea.. This is what i had to do to find relief for my soul and heart. I feel so utterly broken because of all the past hurts and disappointments.. And finally.. God ask me to let go. I keep hurting the ones around me. Making them try so hard to love me..ykno what. I'm letting go. I shouldn't had placed my hope on them. People disappoints, but God doesn't. Now.. I am no longer going to demand and expect anything.. I'm tired of holding on.. Its their turn.

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thanks.

happy bday to myself.
been crying everyday and feeling very sad about everything.
this is not emo, this is stress. so cut the crap that i am emo.
fuck you all seriously.
no money to celebrate with me, okay i accept.
strictly pancakes for dinner, okay sounds cool i like it.
meeting earlier. no i don't like it, i dun want it either.

today its my bday, i thought i do get a say?
thanks for the presents, i appreciated them and i loved them *insert smiley face*
but if you really want me to have a enjoyable bday(or just a happy one), then dun fucking show me attitude, fucking listen to what i want.

i really just want to spend time with my love ones and just grabbing a nice cheap dinner and singing some bday songs and eating just one slice of normal cake.

sincerely, thats what i want, no crabs are fine, no beer are fine, no partying i'm fine..
just company.

is that too much to ask for?

okay i know its mother day. fuck. can u leave e night to me? :'(
fuck everyone, i feel like backsliding. lol.

i dun think i wanna celebrate next years'.
i frigging miss Jeremy, "Jeremy, mine sucks too."  :(

Be nice.

Sometimes small lil' stuff got my head going. urgh. i am tired of all this.
I DON'T GIVE. but i can't lie that i never get affected.

i'm trying to be nice already. GIMME A BREAK WILL YA?
spanks~

"It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average.That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong."


Good read. http://halfhalf.posterous.com/

I'm a blessed person!

hehe.. life's been pretty awesome.. shopped a lot and finally gotten my Dr Martens!
HIP HIP HOORAY! HIPHIPHIP! WOOOO. HAE~


ANNEONG 1461 PW 
very ex.. =(

wanna get Corin someday ;) next time i should just online buy it. like cheaper eh? :(

yesterday ^^ #lansiao







jas damn cute hahahah!



Prisso's bday part 4 (movie and starbucks!)

Prisso's bday part 3(ktv @ Chinatown w her friends)



played homozella with pris's friends! fun yo! hehe!


Prisso bday part 2 (Wild Oats and movie @ 2am!)
 

Prisso bday part 1
 


B&J free cone day & Earth Hour!



Brandon Bro bday! ^^ (@ Nihon Mura)

 

ECP with the Usuals ^^
 


That's all i guess..... Follow me on instagram! @imnotvelma ^^

What will you use to fill up the emptiness in your life?

"Some people will party to fill up that emptiness.
Some will use materials items such as clothes, labels.
Some abuse alcohol..
Some turn to music..
Some became workaholic just to direct that emptiness away or to leave no space and time to ponder...
Some people perhaps will be on the verge of giving up as they tried numerous methods to get it filled but still didn't managed to fill that emptiness away...
  
Quoted from FB! hahahaha.. 


my life is mundane again, partly because i am not doing anything to spice up my life.. just chionging work for my april trip! ahhahaha. haven finish paying BF yet want to travel. lol... 
aiya. sian la.. hahahahhaha. i love to travel travel. Its like running away from this sick and fallen world. 


i like the feeling of staying far far away from the real world. i like to spend quiet time just admiring the beautiful places that i don't usually see in this island. i like to just chill out and embrace the sun at a beautiful quiet beach on a random sunny or windy day sipping cocktails. (preferably with a book.) i like to go shopping for cheap stuff and buying reduandant things that i doesn't use at all just because they are beautiful. i like to listen to beautiful stories about life. Finally, one day i would try reading a book in a cafe with my all time favourite hot chocolate, frappucinos and pastries.


Sometimes, i wished i was born rich, then i wouldn't have to worry about always being in lack. 


*EDITTED POST*
i'm feeling down.. i really want to maintain the peace i have in my life right now. Please do not take away what was originally mine, do not disrupt my peace & comfort. Loving my life, thought mundane yet peaceful. I don't need lectures, i mean who enjoys being told off on a daily basis?  :(( i just like to take things slower. hehe. 


Currently, building a stronger love relationship with my Abba Father.. :)


Simplicity is the sex. ;) 

Out of comfort zone, into the dark tunnel.

went for camp resilience 2 days ago. (forced decision)
it was really a test of endurance and perseverance on my part.
Out of my comfort friends, comfort food, comfort sleep. (cook our own food, sleep in tent) fuuuuu
i only enjoyed one part. which is the tunnel maze. Awesome max. ^^ i lead the way, cuz being the last was scary :(
missed one of the high elements which is the 5 tiers. Disappointed like hell :((((((
anyway.... swear it will be my last time going to a camp without any besties. Seriously, i don't like to see people faces! i don't want to keep worrying over lil' things and to hear sarcasm words. wtshit.

went for cellgroup meeting right after that dumb camp and received major deliverance, i was dead tired manxz.

1. Focus on the positives
2. Be forgiving
3. Make room for the but God moments in your life. 

During unpleasant situations or challenges in our life, we have to.. 

• Don't curse it!
• Don't nurse it!
• Disperse it.
• Let God reverse it!

I love all my friends. i really do. :*

#BeautifulShowSG

B2ST Beautiful Show EXPO 3mar 2010 
skipped service for this okay. hahaahha.

of course got go Sunday svc la. =,=




blur but naise



best photo from my camo


my fav doojoonie! xoxo



awesome seats 2nd portion 2nd row @ $50 (black market) hae
love beasttttt!

pictures onlineeeee

super alot of fan service. haishhhhhh! hahaha take polaroids and accepts fan gifts. <3

cutieeeee Gikwang

 nice falsetto oppa LOL!

looking so normal. but i love it!

 i love V.I.U, V.I.U,V.I.U beautiful my V.I.U!!

 end with this from tumblr :)