Dearest PAP,

You have been running Singapore like a business, like a corporation, where you are the top management, where the people of Singapore are your employees and where all other institutions like education, health and transport, are your subsidiaries. No sir, this is not Singapore Pte Ltd, and we are not working for you.

Every policy that you have come up with has been made with economic growth in mind, i.e., to increase profitability for Singapore Pte Ltd, with retained earnings going into the national reserves.

Our education model has been structured to produce a quality workforce so that we can contribute efficiently and effectively to the nation’s economic growth. You dispense with the arts and concentrate on the commerce and sciences. You bring in plenty of foreigners into our schools so that we have to learn to work and study harder in the face of more competition. And you have succeeded. We now work one of the longest hours in the world with have low wages.

At the expense of social costs. As human beings, we have needs to get married, to start a family, to have kids. As human beings, we have needs for work-life balance, needs for social activities, and needs for communal living. The culture and environment you have so delicately created has come at the expense of those needs. We don’t have time to play football and therefore we suck at it. Ok, in fact we suck at everything that does not make money. And we definitely suck at making children.

When you look at our low fertility rate, which you have so created because of the environment you have made, you try to improve it by offering stop-gap solutions in baby bonuses and tax reliefs. And in fact, the reasons you want the fertility rate to rise is to continue providing quality workers to work for Singapore Pte Ltd, put more money into the reserves through taxes, HDB profits, consumption, investment, i.e. increase Singapore’s GDP.

And of course, the other viable solution is to attract talented foreigners to fill up this institutional void. Which again causes another set of problems, like whether locals find it harder to get jobs, and whether these diasporic communities will take up citizenship, or leave without further contributing to birth rates. Well, what the hell, talented foreigners are always good for Singapore Pte Ltd.

You privatize our transportation system. You couldn’t run such a basic necessity of a first-world country with the same efficient and effective fervour that running it as a Ltd was the only viable way? You talk about health tourism. Is that what the health sector is about, making money from foreigners?

Once in awhile you declare dividends (grow and share) to appease us, so that we don’t remove you from your managerial posts.

Perhaps the most telling of Singapore Pte Ltd are the KPIs of top management. Our CEO, earning $3 billion per annum, has his wages pegged to GDP growth, and so are the wages of the COOs, the CFOs, and the various department heads. With such KPIs, your main motivation is Singapore Pte Ltd’s profitability. And given that at least 60% of Singapore’s GDP is contributed by Temasek Holdings and GIC, it certainly makes sense to increase the coffers of the national reserves.

It’s all about economic growth, economic growth, and economic growth. Countries are not just rated by economic growth. There are many other indicators that one may use to determine a country’s standing in the world, such as the purchasing power of the average citizen, the culture and ease of living, the efficiency of transportation, the range of quality education, the cleanliness of the streets, personal safety risks, and so on and so forth. You have undoubtedly excelled in some areas, but certainly not in others, and all because…

You have run Singapore as Singapore Pte Ltd, because of your belief that only resources are humans, because of your belief that without our economy we will not progress. You forget that Singapore is not a corporation, but a community of individual human beings who have feelings, who can discern between what is good for us and what is not, what is fair and unfair. We, who have basic needs to have a roof put over our heads, and food to eat. And we have willingly contributed to your goal of building up the nation’s economy not because we are your employees but because we want Singapore to prosper, to achieve the vision of a first-world nation in which its citizens do not have negative emotions of fear, fear to vote, fear to speak freely, fear of the struggles of putting food on our table.

So, let me remind you, dearest PAP, that we have voted to put you to where you are today, which makes us more like… the shareholders. We are social beings, not economic assets. Together, we the citizens of Singapore own Singapore. It is us, the citizens, with our problems of rising costs of living, and not the profitability of the country that you have to care more about. And if you, dearest PAP, continue to run Singapore not as a nation of citizens but as a business, there will come a time when us, the shareholders, the real board of directors, vote you out and replace you with another management team.

Yours sincerely,

A shareholder of Singapore Pte Ltd

been having a massive musical block these days. the change of scenary since coming home, what with the fucked up humidity and heat, and the pressure of singapore and.. u know, u look at these singaporean faces and it even starts to make u feel guilty that u waste time making music. i had a project to work on with claire that i am absolutely stuck at, with my inability to sync the electric guit with fl studio, and the remake of to be continued has received nothing but negative feedback. it has been so bad that i've resorted to doing covers with claire, which secretly i find fun, but of no value whatsoever.. i've always thought that if u wanna listen to a song, listen to the original dammit.

its been one hell of a journey, and the memories flood back when i look at the photos.. and the memories of leaving, at the airport with imma emma josh ken caleb and jacq.. reaching italy and eating the hard bread with hwee on the first day. and playing football twice a week where i held my own against the skillful ang mos and south americans, with that awesome dribble past 4 players and score and they started calling me artiste.. ah the feeling. hahaha.

there was stayin in italy, being domesticated and excited at going to the supermarket bleah, and experimenting with spaghetti recipes muahaha, washing n hanging n mopping. i actually find a secret joy everytime i cleaned the toilet. i was so proud of it. brought back memories of NS. and big bang theory with a beer in hand everyday with tuo. and talkin to the italian roomie.

and then there was the erasmus trip to venice, where i met tuomas and we started hanging out lots, and then there was the ski trip, which made me the laughing stock of everyone for my intense position, and then there was belgium which was a joke, but nonetheless i found wonderful friends in henni anne andy joan nina elisa and tyler and dont forget that awesome song with henni.. and amsterdam paris rome AND SHROOMS OMG with wx and sum.. of which i met wonderful people in claire caryn kianhean and lionel. then morocco, then florence with the wonderful road trip in which i drove on the right side manual, totally weird, but awesome fun. and then a month in italy where i made the emo song goodbye with nina, and did nothing but rot and spend time in the park playing football with the lads, barely studying and acing all the subjs with flying colors.

and then there was the after trip, meeting kev and wife and stayin at their lovely home in london, eating duck like never before with andy n hwee, and then visiting henni tuo nina anne and hwee at the lovely finnish cottage, dancing with henni to number 1 til 7am, nutcases, going to sauna and jumping into the fuckin freezing lake.. and then the rock festival in seinajoki, where we got drunk everyday and got to see jared leto and atreyu omg haha. and ending with 4 long sad goodbye hugs from nina at the airport. and tearing at the airport like a kid.

and rounding it all off with a pretty awesome time in salzburg vienna and budapest with daniel wx muiyi ade and serene. well, it was awesome personally spking, but knowing dan and serene just broke up, while wx n muiyi makes out the other side, and having to listen to ade and her non stop gibberish haha. o well. it wasnt as bad as i expected really.

the thing is.. i dont rem much about the places i visited. it's nvr been about the place to me. it was always the company. i dun care if this building is pretty, or the scenary is wonderful, ok well i orgas at big open spaces and big open lakes, but with every place visited came a frenship forged, a fren along with awesome memories. it will prob never happen that i get an opportunity like this again to make such wonderful frens from diff parts of the world, and its really hard for me to let go.. even after a month being back i still talk to nina online everyday, look at old photos and remember the life i had.

i really miss u guys. u know who u are.

on another note, gout is no joke. but its hitting me hard, i was so afraid i could never kick a ball again.. it must be all the alcohol that i've been having. especially with the hard alcohol clubbing every week and insistence on having a beer every night. better stop. school starts in 2 days too. i was even entertaining the idea of going to class drunk. wtf is wrong with me.

o, maybe its the lack of alcohol that is giving me musical block. i've always managed to write songs when im half drunk.

ok get the man a beer.

i am abnormal.

i couldnt do it even if u forced me to. im stuck with that firewall, with that notion of not being able to do it, added with the self confidence bit.

mom says it's god's grace. josh says im damn disciplined.

maybe blandine's right. it's the love part. can't make love til u find it.

so maybe i cant love.

or maybe i'm abnormal.

and hence, only u imma and u emma will understand. thanks. i miss u guys.

it's funny how a friend reminds u of ur blog, and u wind up reading all ur old entries. i used to enjoy reading what i wrote 6 years ago. now i realise.. i don't.

hi daniel lee, for your viewing pleasure TMGOSL hahahahhahaha

friday was crazy. hwee and i cooked curry chicken and black pepper steak, singapore style, for anne blandine henni matt and his friend, and we had a good dinner in which anne and blandine wanted to die from the spicyness while henni piled her plate with curry and couldn't stop eating black pepper steak. having had a hilarious dinner, we proceeded to my room to smoke n drink n before u know it, hwee and i were teaching henni and anne mambo moves. mambo song after mambo song, henni was incredibly talented and caught on really fast, it was crazy. haha ended the night with henni dancing to our favourite number one at 5am and a pileshitload of cigarettes.

went to the club last nite.. altho the bus journey was an hour and a half because the driver got lost, and i wasn't high til much later, and the music sucked, and the club was so damn bloody big and crowded, still one of the most enjoyable nights i've had. after-partied in hwee's room til 6.30am today, which is really crazy haha.

especially since in recent times for whatever reason i've been feeling emo when im semi drunk, and i start pouring out my stupid misery to my frens. which is stupid really, but putting evrything together, the sadness when i think about how the journey is coming to an end, my whole depressive spurts about my weak-willed self, add some alcohol and voila. last week ves this week henni. im really appreciative, i hope u know, that u bother to listen to my rubble bubble crap.

funny how the whole week they've been makin fun of me since i spent the bus ride back last week w my hands interlockin maider's hands. there's elisa n ves interrogating me excitedly the next day when i met them at milan, of which i gave them lame replies, and hwee's incessant joking, and there's henni taking stupid photos of me and her with henni's hand in the photo.. and after tryin to convince everyone that its simply NORMAL friendship behavior to hold hands, hah, this week after holding henni's hands for the bus ride back she can't make fun of me anymore! and on that note, i still believe in the normality of human touch, the way affection is shown, a boy and a girl holding hands doesnt have to mean anything special, simply a way of expressin affection between friends, like how a father strokes his baby girl's hair.. the power of human touch is important.

and to continue the feel good start of this post, i realise that many nice things have been said to me in recent times that have made me feel appreciated. nina sayin im the nicest guy ever, henni sayin that i make people feel special because thats what she feels whenever she talks to me, elisa telling me my song missin' is on repeat in the car(HAHA take that daphnie teo).. makin me feel more useful to humankind now, that i have made people around me happy somewhere somehow.

tuomas calls it therapy. lol.

it's been fun workin on my secret project with my secret guest singer, which i believe will surprise people if they know the personality of my guest singer.. haha had plenty of good laughs while "singing".

shan and josh are here stayin' over, and im really happy to have them around! missed them since i've been here, they are a reminder of singapore, that i'm going back soon.. and im going to make my last few days count. 2 more weeks til it's all over.

Went for an ESN-organized party at Alcatraz. Hung out mainly with Elisa, Ves & Blandine. So we started out drinking and talking and having fun, and after being on the dance floor for an hour and a half, during which Ves did not dance at all, while the rest of us were dancing like idiots and having fun. Exactly, having fun. Dancing. Result: Elisa and Blandine thought Ves wasn’t having fun! Because she wasn’t moving one bit. Well maybe she smiled once in awhile, and maybe she was just fine standing there, but there was no knowing, no indication whatsoever about her mood, and before you know it everyone thought she was angry with the rest of us. As usual, Sam to the rescue. I wanted to get away for awhile and take a breather so I decided on a smoke break, and to my surprise Ves wanted to come with me. Ok fine, I thought, and since I was half-drunk anyway, I decided to cut the crap and tell her about how her actions were being misinterpreted by everyone else but I knew (because I’m rather good that way in figuring out human interactive problems), while chain smoking 10 cigarettes in a row. Told her I knew she was fine and happy but wasn’t showing it, and she concurred, and that because the rest kept trying to encourage her to dance and she didn’t want to, and after awhile she was getting annoyed at us trying to get her to dance, and hence the frustration which caused the rest of us to think she was angry with us. Brilliant analysis of the sequence of events, of which I explained to her, and then I launched into a whole list of technicalities as learnt from SIM class, in which I brought up many SIM lessons about cultural miscommunication, and that it would be good if she would explicitly tell everyone she doesn’t want to dance and that she’s happy. I also gave her my whole life story and the bad parts of it, and perhaps having shared that with her she seems nicer to me these days, haha. Even offering to hang out with me while i smoked at the train station. Anyway, 10 cigarettes later, everyone was good and she hugged the girls and Sam saved the day. Perhaps this isn’t a cultural issue, perhaps it’s only her, but the intentions from all parties were good albeit clearly mis-communicated.

On another thought, went with Tuomas (Finnish) to Milan to shop, and we wowed every time we passed by a shop we liked. And finding out we had the same taste in clothes. Very heartwarming that where back home I get criticized by everyone for what I wear, across the damn globe there’s a guy who likes what I wear. Cutting across cultural boundaries. I love it.

May 12.

17 more days before it's all over..

i really should stop working on my new song.

it's making me depressed.

finland! just planned! :D:D cottage and boat here we come!

this.is.fuck.king.awe.some.