i keep thinking of prelim results and i still can't believe that i did so badly. from being disappointed, to being sad, to crying, to being angry with myself and God, to giving up hope on myself. but then again, something else keeps running in my head. telling me not to dwell on the prelim results because its not the end yet. telling me that there's no point in being sad and wasting time and energy crying. telling me that rather than wasting time and energy, i might as well use the time wisely to go and study and brush up. i duno. i am. i'm worried about not being able to go to a jc in the first 3months, but then i keep thinking, so what if don't go to jc for the first 3months, as long as i make it after o's then it'll be alright. ahhhhh. shutup la irritating negative thoughts. but then again, its not so easy to forget. ohwells.

today was a tiring day, but it was fun. after school went to leemey's house then we went to charis christian church. worship prac there. hmm..lets see if i can remember their names. ervin,elaine,jeremy,drew,nigel,dean,peter,kristy,mey,me. worship was great. seriously. havent had worship for so long already, and i felt better after that. but it still feels heavy and nothing has changed

i shall just continue hoping and hoping and hoping. haiya, those stupid negative and depressing thoughts are hindering me from studying and being happy. rarh. but it really is depressing. sigh. my whole entry is contradicting itself. i duno la.

yes, im angry with God. i keep asking whywhywhywhy. i did study. and i know i can do well. i know i can. i've always done quite well. but why did i do so badly? why now, when prelims is something so important. i'm angry with God for not being there, for not giving me the grades that i think i deserve. sigh. i duno la.

i still havent told my parents anything. don't know how to tell them. sigh. yet another obstacle.

anyway, i'm just thankew for those people who have been there for me.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. i got nothing else to say besides that. stupid prelim results. cannot go anywhere. cannot go jc. cannot go ac. its so demoralising. i cannot believe i did so badly. i've never ever done so badly for chem and sshist before. NEVER! what the heck is wrong with me? i studied. i really did. then when i don't study, i get around the same grades or even higher. but when i study, it gets lousier. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

i keep asking myself whywhywhywhywhywhy. i know my stuff. i do my tys. i'm almost finishing my chem tys. i understand. i study. but why during exam cannot do? whywhywhy? really want to cry already.

i guess even ms sim was super disappointed with me. from a b3 from preprelims to c5 to prelims. was crying like crazy during chem. was really really sad and disappointed. didn expect it. like hello, i studied. i really did and i knew my stuff. i duno what went wrong. after that she just looked at me and didnt say anything. she didnt. i know. i could tell from her expression that she was disappointed at my results. i don't know what went wrong. i really don't. and i don't know what the heck is wrong with my ss essay. what the heck is wrong with my sbq answers? i got level5, then she cancel it and wrote zero. ahhhhhhhhh. what the heck is wrong?

HAPPY 2ND ANNIVERSARY JYC!(:

some random jyc shots. (:














didn't manage to wake up on time. by the time i woke up was already 1pm. reached home at 1am then couldn't fall asleep so decided to study. study study untill 7am then i fell asleep. ohwell, my body clock is upside down already.

yesterday went grandma house after piano. was super tired so went to sleep, but it was only for awhile because my cousins were all so noisy and kept disturbing me. haha. not like i mind. was funny and its really really fun to play and argue with them(: ate and ate alot. mooncakes and more junk. waha. then went swimming. play and play like crazy. we were being retarded. splashing water at each other and as usual, all of them like to gang up against me. but who cares la! play along with them la(: we watched the chelsea vs charlton match. went off at 12. then we went to adam road to eat supper. haha. yes, eat again. i'm gonna grow fat man! ohya, did i mention, I LOVE MY GRANDPARENTS(:

LONGEST DAY was awesome! started off by worship. then we went on to the games. our first game was paint wall or something like that. became supersuper dirty! yesyes claire, you ah! haha. but we both enjoyed it aye!(: next game was human pictionary. was super cool coz our group was super fast and we all cooperated. don't know how to explain but i think its like 'bu yue er tong'. haha. next was the waterbomb captainsball thingy. and we got wet-really really dirty coz water plus paint=gross. waha, not like i care.(: then we had the mass game. we got all wet and our shoes and basically everything la! went to bathe and wash up in the toilet. haah. our class had a mass bathing session in the toilet. after that was yummyyummy dinner(: and then, CAMPFIRE STARTED! sang songs and basically, we all had alot of fun fun and more fun! put up an item. then the teachers also put up an item. was super funny. teachers dressing up as mgs girls. we got emotional at the end. the teachers so sweetly got us a really really nice cake. man oh man, don't want to leave mg. i'll miss everything! the teachers, friendships forged, all the crazy moments,sad moments,happy,stressful times and everything!! seriously, i don't think anybody else from outside of mg would understand and know this kind of feeling coz in mg, its like we really are a big family. we've been together for so long, teachers and students are close and friends who we've known since we were young. ahhh. don't want to leave. after that, we ate the cake. and when i was about to put the cake in my mouth, claire went to 'piak' it on my face. hahaha. went to put on each other. then went up to ms sim and put it on her too. haha(: and msho was just beside us, looking and smiling at us. waha. put cake on mstan too. heh heh. ohyaohya! we did the JC! dance. TELL ME WHO'S IN THE HOUSE! JC!(jesus christ)

we went through prelim papers answers. quite demoralising and depressing. don't want to get it back. sigh. teachers said we did really badly. don't want to dissappoint them.really don't want. results come out on tuesday i think. yesterday in the car on the way to grandma house, everybody started talking about schools and jcs. they were like 'go rj, hc or nj la. why do you want to go ac, not good.' sigh. don't even think i can make it to ac la. stressful siah.if i cannot even get into ac, then its really the end. don't know what to do already.
neh, don't want to think of that anymore. so depressing.

anyway, i'll really really miss everything. friends since primary school. 10 years!

sec 1m 02
i'll miss going to vicky's house and playing in the pool, playing ddr, and taking photos. and playing basketball with the 2 guys. remember the longlong route we always dreaded when we went to vicky's house?
ohya, and i loved our chocolate project. yummy yummy aye.(:
and our stayover at chery's hse? with may climbing on the wall while playing blindmice(:

remember the gym practices we had? practice like almost everyday after school. C.A.L.L.I.N.G now.
remember the lit skit-shakuntalla(or something like that)? haha. i loved it.

laura! still remember your big big tick on my book? i'll never ever forget that and mrs m sim
looking shocked and asking you to blanko it off.

our sec one teachers(: gah, cannot believe i actually took with mrschen. waha.


laoshi and mrsleong, mrschen and me, mrs chew, msho, mrssim, msgan, mslee, msbong
















sec 2h 03
class parties and more class parties(:

remember family fiesta? our yummy chocolate coated strawberries. and after that, we got sick and scared of strawberries already.
















SKAT(: the stayover at leemey's house. and the beach the beach the beach! man, i really really miss those times.

S hawna
K imberly
A bi
T ing










sec 3b1 04
laura and her crazy guitar! later we all get head injury then we cannot do math anymore. haha. that's so random. (:

CIP with the kids at botanic gardens. claire! remember running around like crazy chasing that small boy? good workout aye(:

CIP at acjc. sold hotdogs

national day

excursion at the memorial park and having a mini picnic there(:

and other photos of us acting and being retarded(:



walk-car-thon(:

our team: claire, minty,tracy,swah,abi

we were crazy. running all around, looking for things. and getting clues from mstan and her team. and we won something. forgot what.heh












teachers day. doing the boxing thingy i think.

they gypsies and men in black. haha. and minty and i just came in school uniform. (:














sec 4b1 05
before project inkwell.

reliving our childhood days

leemey,minty,claire,yinling,laura,abi

remember our supermarket and toilet video? haha. tried to put it here,but cannot.













kristi, minty, leemey, abi.

we were studying for chinese o's at kristi's house there. haha. ohwell, studying and taking photos and acting retarded. heh heh.

ahhh. look at our big mouths!(:












MWS flag day.

minty's and leemey's butts!(: ee..i sound like a cheekopeh :p

after that we went suntec and we tried on clothes and more clothes. haha. we hogged up the dressing rooms. (:












the eightofus-. outing!(: sentosa!

kristi minty jiaen xwx leemey claire laura abi

we all became cooked lobsters after that aye.(except leemey) haha.

remember what mryeo said when we went back to school? we all stood in one straight row and he said 'chao da, chao da, chao da, chao da' (:








other random photos of us.

remember our lunchbox day?(:

minty! you look like golum.

remember mass skipping? and leemey, your lemon tree song? we were singing it and mr yeo was behind us. waha.

2 fake-o prefects!(:










FOUNDER'S DAY!!

pretty!(:

but i'm never ever going to wear that again. heh. no no no no.(:

havent been online for a long time. prelims are over. right. doesnt even feel like its over because i know we still have to study.

on fri, leemey,kristi,weixin,jia, me. we went cine kbox. super funny. something new aye. sang and sang untill we were mad and had no more voice. the people opposite us were staring at us dancing. but who cares la.(: we all had fun. alot of fun. we ended at 7 then went home.

sat went COMMEX (suntec) with ervin, kristel, jaryl, anna, daddy, uncle, aunty. super crowded. we had fun. all the stuff there are super cool. i want! haha. then we went to the food fair. ate alot and alot. i'll probably grow fat and regret it. then we went carrefour and then went to suntec guild house. the adults watch soccer. unfair la. i want to watch. could not go in because we werent allowed into the bar or whatever they called it. by the time we finished was about midnight already. went macpherson to eat. saw pastor sam and his team there. reached home around 2.

sunday went yc. after that came home to play badminton. been long since i last played. i wanna start going running again soon. maybe i'll go running tomorrow. yay yay! then had steamboat at our house. celebrated ervin's birthday.(:

had piano exam today. screwed up my scales. pieces was ok i hope. duno la. before the exam, my mum said 'you last minute practice no use one. see la, now then come and last minute practice.' sigh. if even my parents don't believe that i can pass, what's the point of me even trying? won't be surprised if i fail coz never been practicing because of prelims. there was simply no time. sigh. but sometimes, i just wish that my parents would trust and believe that i can do it. everything they say is out to put me down and it hurts. even for school work also. if they don't believe i can get into a jc, then what's the point of me even trying to study and work hard?


fear of meeting up to expectations
fear of disappointment
fear of failure
fear of facing the old hurts
fear of facing myself. my wretched self
fear of going to God