_____separation of colours.

31 August 2005

a little girl was walking through a road. she looked at the scene in front of her and on her sides. in front was the cross, Jesus guiding people along and all the right things. on the sides was the world- lying, stealing, artificial things, money, fun, boys, rebelliousness. she stopped and thought for a moment. 'what would happen if i don't walk this route anymore? what would happen if i just swayed to the right and left a little? i guess it would not make a difference right? afterall, the things at the side seemed so much more appealing, interesting and fun.' so, she made up her mind and moved a bit to the side. she began doing little things like lying, gossiping. little by little, it grew and grew. day by day, she moved a little more towards the sides and the scene of the cross in front of her was slowly getting out of sight. soon, she began to forget God and did not want to go back to him. she rebelled against her parents, argued with them. She purposely stayed away from friends who were going the right way. She became so engrossed with superficial things that she placed them first in her heart. As the weeks and months passed, she looked at herself and wondered what kind of life she was leading. was she happy? she was, at first, but slowly, the excitement and the fun began to die out. She realised that she was just filling her life with empty substitutes that could make her happy, but they did not. She still felt so empty inside. She began to question herself and ask herself what exactly happened. she hated herself and knew that she only have herself to blame for getting into such a mess. She tried reverting back to her old route, but she could not do it. She could not find the courage and the strength to do it. She was ashamed of herself and she felt unworthy to go back on that route. She did so many wrong things, which she thought was unforgiveable. she had nothing to offer, nothing. she felt that she had no right to go back, no right to even think of going back. She thought ' why would Jesus even want me back after doing so many wrong things? after hurting him so much. why would he love me?' the more she thought of it, the more she blamed herself and the more she could not get back on her feet again.

suddenly, a small small voice said 'i love you no matter what you did. all i ask is that you come back into my arms.'
she said 'but i'm so unworthy. i've done so many wrong things. i have no right to go back'
'i paid the price for you. i paid it on the cross. see the cross? you are redeemed and i paid it. you need not worry about other things because everything that you have done have been forgiven. and i love you. that's enough for you to come back to me. walk this route with me again.'
She looked at him. His arms was open wide. She ran. ran back into his loving arms. they both smiled and tears ran down. They hugged for a long time. Jesus then took her hand and together, they started on the road where they left off again.

26 August 2005

don't want to take prelims anymore. how i wish it'll all end. one more week. one more week till its over. then can play and relax. finally.

parents are so naggy. rah. irritating. just shutup and leave me alone. why can't i even watch an hour of tv? its only an hour and you chase me off. gah.why can't i go out? its the end of the week! sigh.

studying and more studying. don't want to study anymore. wo bu yao du shu!

sigh. my sister said something that really hurt that day. she said i was dumb. its not the first time already. perhaps i am. sigh. it hurts bad especially when it comes from my sister. the one that i love so much.

was just thinking, why would God even want me back? why? after so many things that i've done wrong. after screwing up so many things. after disobeying him. after refusing to go back to him. why? i've done so many things that made him sad. sigh. why would he and why did he even love me in the first place? each time i think of going back to God, another thought would come into my head and ask me whether i'm worthy anot. whether i'm worthy to go back. why? why? i keep asking myself. what right do i have to go back to God?sigh

23 August 2005

exothermic reaction: increase in temperature. reactants have more energy (heat) than products. delta H is
negative. making bonds.

endothermic reaction: decrease in temperature. products have more energy (heat) than reactants. delta H is
positive. breaking bonds.

activation energy: the minimum energy needed to start off the reaction.
from the reactants to the maximum point

overall heat change: new bonds formed ( exothermic) + old bonds broken (endothermic)

* delta H- from the reactants to the products.



oxidation- gain oxygen. lose hydrogen. lose electrons. gain oxidation state

reduction- lose oxygen. gain hydrogen. gain electrons. lose oxidation state



reactivity series ---- PSCMAZITLHCMSG


insoluble salt- precipitation
soluble salt, very reactive metal (potassium sodium)- titration
soluble salt, fairly reactive metal ( above hydrogen)- acid + insoluble base/carbonate/metal
soluble salt, not reactive (below hydrogen)- acid + insoluble base/carbonate

all nitrates are soluble
potassium,sodium, ammonium carbonates are soluble. the rest are insoluble
lead, silver chlorides are insoluble
lead, barium, calcium sulphate are insoluble

fuels
Petrolum gas - lowest boiling pt - cooking
Petrol - fuel for motorcars
Naptha - chemicals
Kerosene - aircrafts
Diesel - buses
Lubricating oil - lubricants
Bitumen - highest boiling pt (largest molecule)

electrolysis
cathode (negative electrode) - hydrogen discharged from P S C M A. lower than that, the metal is discharged
anode (positive electrode) - oxygen discharged from nitrate and sulphate ions.

alkanes are saturated
reaction of alkanes - combustion and substituition(need light to break the bonds)

alkenes are unsaturated
reaction of alkenes- combustion, addition, polymerisation
alkenes decolourises bromine
hydrogenation- changes to alkane. used to change vegetable oil into margarine

rarhh. better go and study already. sigh. i wish it would be all over.

















21 August 2005

the past few weeks has been crazy. tiring. prelims and everything. i look at my life, look at what's happening now, and i really wish i could box and punch myself up and ask myself what the heck happened and why it is all like that- in a BIG BIG mess.

every sunday, internal struggle takes place. i ask myself, should i go to church? or should i not? don't even know what i am going to church for anymore. i know, i'm supposed to go to church because i want to meet God and to meet up with church people, but somehow, it all just doesnt seem right. i want, i want things to be like last time, when God was so close. i want that relationship back again. but there's another voice telling me not to go, making me fearful of going church. telling me that i'm not good enough to meet God because of the so many things that i've done wrong. and i'm scared when everybody starts asking me what happened to me. i want to tell, yet i don't want, not wanting them to worry about me. but then again, if i don't go, i know i'll be listening to the devil's voice not god's. i know it'll get even worse and if i don't settle it now, it'll be even worse when next week comes. but i'll tell myself that its ok not going to church this week and i'll go next week, but i know that's not likely to happen. i know i'll go through this whole process again. its tiring thinking about it. i've drifted away and i'm doing nothing about it. i wish i could, but i dunno. went last week and it seems like everything that everybody says is like 'er bian feng.' go in one ear and come out the other ear. i know. i know what i must do, but i just cannot do it. maybe i should give it all up. give up christianity and just lead my own life. maybe it'll be better. what sia said last week really struck me. the devil is kicking, punching you. the more he punch, the greater you'll punch back and you'll fight back. but, i cannot see myself doing that. its so tiring. i know he's punching me and it hurts. i just cannot see myself picking myself up again and fighting back. let him punch all he wants, let him do whatever he wants. i give up.

don't want to take prelims anymore. i know i'm not going to do well. its so tiring staying up so late to study. doesnt even make a difference if i study or don't. i'll still do badly. eng oral sucked. eng paper sucked too. sometimes i wish i'm smarter. then i don't need to study so hard. don't want to study anymore, don't want to stay up late, don't want to do badly, don't want to go to school

right. now should i go church or should i not?

16 August 2005

rarh. stupid prelims. not supposed to be online now. sigh. emath 2mr and i duno why i'm so stressed over emath. i guess its coz i know i can do it and i want to get my a1. its my chance of getting an a1. sigh. been practicing and doing math, but just duno whether its enough. if i do badly for emath i really have no idea what's going to happen.

shd i retake my chinese? or should i not. i want, and i don't want. want, because i have another shot at trying to improve my grade and i really want to improve it. what happenens if i have to count chinese? its a 3. no way will i count a 3 unless i really have to. and that means that i have to do really well for either amath of geog, both of which is hopeless. sigh. but i really don't wanna study chinese again.

finally went back to church on sun. was ok. but duno if i'll go back this week.

everything's been super messy. how i wish it'll be all over.



10 August 2005

its tomorrow. tomorrow. die die die. and i'm not supposed to be on now. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. how how how how. prelims are gonna be a killer. killer. stupid mean teachers. why can't they make the prelims easier so that we can get into a good jc for the first 3 months? why why. i know. they are just all out to kill us. they just want us dead.
ah shucks. i'm not making sense. i don't want to fail i don't want to do badly i don't want i don't want i don't want to go school tomorrow. i don't want to take the papers. no no no no no no no!!!
mum said yesterday that if i don't do well for prelims and don't get into a good jc, she'll come after me and i'll die. die!! how how. ahhhh..