claire and i helped the plant have sex!!!(: we stuck the anther and stigma together(: so cool la.haha.we were crazy.haaha.yesyes. and some of the pollen grains got onto my finger.the pollen grains are pretty.they're ORANGE!!

cephalopods!(: cephalopods are how cool la.haha.haven gotten over it yet.((:

man. i'm tired. just got scolded this morning by mum for no reason. just because i came back last night then i never shower. was super tired. reached home ard 12am. by that time was super tired and didn eat lunch and dinner, was like dying already. then i just plonked on my bed and slept. then when i woke up, i heard her saying that i'm very irresponsible.wad the heck did i do?sigh.

ysteday during cme we were discussing the jingle project. wah. duno la. duno what to do with it. like everybody's not happy and stuff. i realised that working in too big a grp is no good. too many ideas and everybody wants to use their ideas. after cme was super shack already.dan went for netball. the sec ones are so fun and funky!(: after netball went church with kel. didnt change out of my pe attire.haha.walked out of sch in fbts and shirt. then did abit of work then went to print out worship songs. cell started. started playing rounders for games. and we had to partner up and tie either your hand or leg to your partner. partnered with jo and our legs were tied togther. super funny.but after dat our legs hurt.haha.then lead worship. initially was afraid but after that ok already. then we went prayer walking around kopitiam that area to ard parklane..went with grace khoo. yea. was cool and we got lost.haha.funny siah.(: after that went back church and shared.then went back home with jeremy and ah sia(:

hopefully my msn messenger can work.haiz.

i'm too tired to type anything. feel like sleeping. man, my cough is killing me. ohya, mr tay said smth about there's gonna be a flu epidemic at the end of the yr and say that manymany pple will die in spore and many more will die around the world. kinda scary..not afraid that i'll die, but wont it be sad if your friends die?man oh man...perhaps its not even true.

man, i got so many ss essays to do.....sometimes, i question myself, really, what do i go to school for..

and it sux getting stuck in the middle. i duno. this thingy about cynthia and claire. that day thurs, cyn wrote a note to me, asking me whether we're pissed with her. i was a little at first, but after dat wasnt. aiya, i wun b pissed at somebody for long. so i told her i wasnt, but claire they all were. they were pissed coz she kept asking mssim redundent questions and wasting class time, ms sim went thru those before and it was because she nver pay attn in class. and pissed at her for insulting mssim.yea. then was like kinda stuck in the middle and didn know wat to do. haiya, its forever between the 2 of them. and i'm always stuck.

sleepysleepysleepy.
nxt wk is gonna be a horendous wk.it'll be grosss......gonna die nxt wk.....

just thought of something really really weird. can you imagine, what would happen if i was a cephalopod (octopus, squids..)? then i would be able to change colour as and when i like and able to communicate in the water. i'm like talking nonsense.but won't it be cool if we were cephalopods? but we'll die soon after giving birth.hmm.that's quite sad. but cephalopods are cool creatures (: and they're pretty too! oh ya, then you noe if we were the rafflesia flower, we'ld die after one day.quite sad. man..why am i typing all these..its super random..

tiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtiredtired.man.i'm sleepy.and my throat is killing me. had fever ystday.sigh.i'm tired.and stressed out.so much homework and stuff going on. parents just nagged at me on my o levels and blah and blah. i'm like shuddup la. sigh. don't want to go for netball 2mr. i don't want to lead. i bet you sure got something go wrong tomorrow. sigh.

beat: sorry. i know i shouldn't have said those stuff. but i was really really pissed. it was our idea, then i trusted you guys not to use the idea coz it was ours. and i still told you guys not to copy. but you guys still went ahead with it. what happened to the trust?what happened to the friendship?

i duno. i feel that beat and my friendship is straining. ever since the netball thing about her wanting to train the sec ones, she's daoing me. it feels weird. sometimes, i really doubt myself whether i should be the one training them or whether i should not. maybe it'll be better off if i play netball instead of training. i duno. maybe i'm not good enough. i bet beat'll make a better trainer. she can go ahead and take my place if she wants. go ahead. i don't bother. then now also. i feel really betrayed. its like i really trusted them. i really did. never did i expect them to use it. sigh. i duno.

grar.....my throat's irritating me. its itchy and i keep on coughing. sigh. today while running during pe really felt like i'm gona die from coughing.haha. cough like siao la. dan we played hockey after that. kinda fun la. (:

ystday went church to study then met stacey jie. talked talked talked then went bugis. ohya, this was super funny. stacey jie said in this movie, this guy said "ohno. i just shartted" then his friend was like "what's that?" then the guy said "its when you fart and a bit of shit came out"(: haha.was laughing and laughing.hahahah.

need to do homework, do my notes, practice piano, do piano homework, prepare for worship 2mr and SLEEP!!! sigh. so many things to do, how to sleep. :(

this wk was like argh! it was health awareness week. fun though. i guess, for now, school's pretty fun, but yet stressful at the same time. we had mass skipping on wed. super funny. we did only 3 though. then mr yeo was like "at least got improvement.better than last yr.2" dan we all started laughing. was fun. we were saying we did 30 skips.....divided by 10. super lame. anyways, leemey and i started dancing to the lemon tree song. and mr yeo was behind us. hmm..i bet he was laughing at us.ohwells. had so so much fun. ms tan's theory: get the short people to jump. haha. i guess her theory is sorta true.after dat we tried and yea, we managed to do quite a bit(: thurs during recess had to play netball with the teachers. man..mrs yap is super tall. tried to throw the ball above her, but canot. we had some aerobics today. made a fool out of ourselves. was fun (: mr yeo kept asking us to keep quiet. funny to see him in shorts. anyways, ms tan was so cute. laoshi too (: basically, that's the fun part of school. making alot of noise and doing and saying silly stuff. guess in class now, im kinda noisy rite? compared to sec one and two...hmm.yea. i like myself noisy. (: noisy noisy crazy us. today, we were in the hall during total defence celebration. mrs chen kp was sitting in front of me. and as usual, i would put my feet on the chair in front of me. and guess what, she suddenly grabbed my knees and sort of told me to put it down. i got a shock and was kinda funny as well. dan i said "oops.sorry" hahaha.she didnt scold. slept during class in bio today. got a shock when minty knocked our table and realised that mr tay was starring. haha. dat day in amath also. was sleeping and mr yeo came and used his marker to knock on my table. then i was being stupid and was noisy, then he was behind me and started hitting my chair.ohwells. that's school.
i'm glad the school wk is over. is already going to wk8. there's so much homework, and more and more tests. argh.i'm gonna die..homework plus more homework plus more homework. ahhhh...stressed!!! today cca was bad. seriously, i really dont know what's wrong with beat. why the heck is she upset at me.i noe.its because of the trainer ting.

kel: i dont know.really don't know wad to do. i really don't wanna train. really don't want. it sux. she can have my position for all i care. i dont care. i don't care whether i get to train them, or whether i'm in the comm. all i want is just for everybody to be happy and to enjoy playing. i don't know..it hurts to see our friendship going. it hurts. i don't think i can ever trust her anymore. i dont know. something's just missing. something's just not right. ahhh.. i dont know la. she can go ahead and take my grp for all i care. its like last wk, when i told her to come and help me train, she didn want. dan what the heck does she want!!!!!!!!!ahhhh...sorry kel..i'm just complaining and complaining.ahh.

i'm drifting away. really drifting. drifting away from God. really didn wanna go for cell today. dunno why. but just didnt feel like. somehow, really thank God that kelsie was going to church too, or else i wouldn't go. thankew kel! (: anyways, i'm like neither here nor there. neither in jyc, nor in cell. sometimes, really feel weird in cell. yes, i have fun and all, but its no longer the homely feeling that i get last time in jyc. its different. maybe cause all my other closer friends are there. but then now in jyc, it feels weird too. like i'm overage. i wanna go, but yet i don't want. i donno..its just weird.

i'm looking for God. trying, finding. but i can't find Him. Daddy, Daddy, where are you. i keep looking, keep searching, but there's still no sight of Him. i really long to go back into His arms. want to run back to Daddy. want to hug him again. want to feel him again. i miss you Daddy. i miss you so so much. Daddy, where are you. where are you....i'm lost. i need you again. haven talked to you for so long. havent felt you for so long. i really really want to run back. somehow, something's blocking me. i want to run, but its hard. the load on my back is just so great. so hard for me to move. its too heavy. something's pulling me back..i duno. Daddy, i want you again. Daddy, daddy daddy.....everytime i cry out for you, where are you. i keep seeing myself running, but carring a huge load. and there's a string tied to my back, pulling me behind. right ahead, i see Daddy and his wide open arms. i see him. but i'm stuck. not knowing where to go. there's a glass wall in front of me, which is blocking me from going..i feel myself going backwards backwards.with each step i take forward, i get tugged back. Daddy, i dont know where to go or how to go or what to do. i want you. i want you again..Daddy..Dadddy..

i know i ought to be asleep. sia would kill me if she found out i'm still awake. told me before i left the bus to sleep early.oops. but cannot sleep.so many things bothering me.ohwells.

i'm stressed! so many things...

school work:
more work and more work.more deadlines and more stress! mstan just told us that the peranakan project is due on monday and we haven even done a single thing.trying to rush up.seriously, there's no time.how to do? there's so much homework. there's no time.wonder why teachers push us so hard.its chinese new year and there's so much homework.the whole day is spent on visitation, with no time to even touch homework.reach home at past midnight, tell me, how to do? teachers breathing down our necks, chasing us for homework.this sux. plus my grades are dropping.seriously. i'm gonna fail my o's.gonna fail eng.there's eng mock exam. they call it mock.but the teachers are so serious about it.im gonna fail it. so much homeworkkkkk..stressed!!!!!

piano:
sigh.just got scolded by teacher again. i nvr practice.tell me where got time.felt like screaming at her.graarrrrr...everyday come back at dinner time or later, dan by the time i do my work and stuff, its already midnight..how to practice.and my exam coming...piano sux.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

cca:
fri sux man.seriously. huikee didnt come.our captain.wah.dan mrs yue ask beat and me to take charge.was super hard to get them going.super hard to train them.i told beat to help me.but she didnt. was like screaming at the sec ones liao.no body helped me.the sec 4s just stayed there and did nothing.was super pissed with beat.i mean she's supposed to help me.then she didn even help.and she didn even cooperate. coz there's only one set of bibs.then was training the sec ones and she was like "can we play can we play". wah piang. all you want to do is play.what about the sec ones?take turns la.argh..the sec ones need to be trained la. super pissed at her. i just don't geddit.why isit every netball time she dao me. ever since we chose the commitee.its like i'm in and she's not.then she buei song.i duno la.then like outside of netball she so nice to me.then during netball she dao me. what kind of friendship is this..i duno la. even dat day when hui kee was there, like nobody was cooperating la.sigh. hmm..but i like my grp members.heh.super funny.i duno what i say, but everytime i say smth, they will laugh.

ahhh..i'm gonna die.there's amath test 2mr and haven started studying yet.my peranakan project is one day late. minus 2 marks.plus there's still so much homework..diedie die.really really feel like screaming.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.somebody help.and there's tingxie...die.

today after chapel we had the student teacher tingy. angel and i went first. while we were walking along the corridoor, realised that i had to go with mr yeo.ohman.haha.i was like oh no.!haha.then he gave me his evil laugh.haha.funny la. then ms tan said "it wasnt supposed to be like that" hmm..meaning i wasnt supposed to go with mr yeo?haha.then he sat at the tchrs table dan i went to leemey's place. then he was like why you sit so far away.haha.then we ended up sitting at the cosy corner(pillow and carpet place). then talk talk talk.talk about parents, siblings,schhool, church..and blah.funny la.kept laughing.isnt it funny and weird to be sitting down on the floor and talking to tchr?haha. then talked about o's and jc's and poly...told him i'm gonna fail my o's.haha.then he say wun want.quite fun(: man oh man. guess that was the most exciting thing 2dae.the rest of the daay was just gross....

just felt like putting these up. haha. brings back memories(:

me sleeping.on the way to melacca june 04 church camp

us at supper. celebrated ben soh kor's bday i think(:

us swimming during the free time.kena dunked in so many times(:

hmm.me slping again with either ben's or pui's sunglasses.with gracie's pillow, peach(:

jyc's bday!2003 sept i think(:

grace just sent me these(:

the girls grp. sean and my bday. from top left: kel,chen hwa jie, nina, yingnuo,bianca,edlyn,xianhui,sue,lynn,grace jie,esther, (bottom: aunty licheng,me)

the guys grp. top: justin, alex, nathan. middle: nigel,kevin,gavin. bottom: eugene,jeremy,sean,pui kor

top: sue, edlyn, bianca, lynn. bottom: me, xianhui

edlyn and lynn pinching my cheeks.sue grabbing my hand.ohwells.(:

sean and i cutting cake(:

us..after performing during yc(:

hmmm.all these seemed so long ago.yea.they were.in 2003 i guess(: man oh man..i love jyc(: so many memories...

results results results.projects projects projects.homework homework homework.study study study....is this what everybody's concerned about these days. school school school.seriously, is going to school that important? are good results that important? sometimes, really don't know why i go to school and study. its super stressful. teachers are pushing us.making the o levels sound like its gonna be super hard. i'm gonna fail fail...parents saying that i have to study hard, or else i'll have no where to go..stressed! there's so many things to do.so much homework, projects, deadlines to meet...not only these, there's still other activites. piano lessons.piano homework. i need time!! to practice piano.to do tuition homework. how the heck do i complete all these. by the time i reach home, its already dinner time or pass it. i'll have to eat, bathe.dan i'll start on my homework.there's so much that i can even finish.much more study, revise. there aint even time for me to practice piano. my piano teacher was screaming at me just now cause i never practice and she keeps telling me to practice more than an hour per day. i felt like telling her i've got no time.really felt like crying.scolded me like shit. i sux at piano. really felt like giving up juz now.felt like juz running away from my tchr's hse juz now. but i know i'll die. my parents will scream at me and will never let me quit piano. ahhh.so many things.
i flunked my chem.this sux.my eng is failing too.eng is so hard! seriously, if i fail english for o's, there's no where i can go.what happens if i fail,what happens if... o's..stupid o's..stupid oliver(that's the name we gave for o levels)..whywhywhy. its only beginning feb and its now super stressful.guess we can all feel it.

sigh.life at home is no good. just got scolded out of no reason.just coz i didn go SP open hse.its like hello, i had tuition on thurs, school on fri, and piano lessons took up the whole of today.how you tell me how...argh.why.why are my parents so concerned that i go? wont die.whywhywhy.why does it bother you so much. does going to a good poly or jc that important to you.ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.feel like screaming, feel like crying.....

cried during ph 2day.really couldn take it. ian led and we sang jesus we enthrone you. felt God saying "abby, put me back on that throne where i belong in your heart. i want to be first in your life.only then, then i can take care of everything. only then, you will be with me again." really cried. then ian told those who have burdens to come in front. i went up and joanne jie and lynn prayed for me.thankew guys(:

I've got an uninvited visitor in my room! eeks. cockroach! and i dont dare go in.trust me to be afraid of a cockroach.come to think of it, its kinda funny. ever since mstan's x files on cockroaches, i've been afraid of them. that cockroach has been in my room since a loong time ago. been seeing it and not doing anything about it, rather, i'm too afraid to do anything about it. ah, silly me.

"Our faith should be our steering wheel, not our spare tire." --C.L. Wheeler

there's excursion 2mr.so exciting!havent been on an excursion for so long.hopefully i remember to bring camera tomorrow.

2day had been a moody and tiring and quiet day. everyone was grumpy and sleepy and tired.guess its sch.it just seems different. suddenly, our class seemed to become very competitive. as in everyone's doing their work, coping down notes..i mean, thats good.everyone's hardworking and thats great. but somehow, it just seems different. people change. and those that you once thought they were your friend change.its just weird.its like there's no one you can trust anymore. everybody start being concerned about work work and more work.what happened to the friendship? i duno.may be i'm just being paranoid. somehow, i don't like the competitiveness. i like our class to be warm.i do love 4b1.i really do.

felt really really cheated last night. as in, i duno.dun wanna type it here. sue: you'll know what i mean. duno.i'm stil confused. i duno what to do about grace. what can i do.things are already as complicated as it seems. i duno.then lionel..i also duno...

i love leemey! :) i think she's like the prettiest person i've ever met. do you think she loves me too? i'm not really sure. sigh. ah well. love makes the world go round.

leemey asked me to type smth about her..hahahahaha.what? I love you leemey!!(: i think you're really pretty and i hope that one day i might grow up to be like you! teehee.. :p don't tell anyone i said that ok? it would be embarrassing.. *that was leemey*(:


cold..cold..my fingers are freezing.the library aircon bad mood.today suddenly so cold.my hair erector muscles are contracting..mrs chong not in sch, got free periods.this few days there has been so many free periods. good la.(: if only i could stay in the library forever.no.no.buddan i'wd freeze to death.i talking nonsense. i'm free today.nothing after school!yipee!duno whether i should go church and study or go home and catch up on my sleep. i've got homework left undone.amath!and there's amath after this.ohwell.screwed up chinese test.totally forgt how to write the words and suddenly, the compre is so hard.duno whether its cause long time never do compre or because its just hard.

the sec twos and sec threes are away for camps.school suddenly seems small and during morning assembly, nobody sings.ohwell. somehow, i kind miss the days where we had obs and sec two camp.

ystday chi went ngee ann poly to eat.with claire,minty,kristi.supposed to be the eight of us.but endded up only the 4 of us. we were like gluttons man.ate so much.our whole table was filled. piggs.mg girls are deprived of good food.the food there is how good la.(:and cheap too. we walked frm there back to the shell bustop.we had a weird conversation while walking.talking about bio..and minty said"what would happen if adam didnt eat the apple."started talking about GOd and stuff..and alot la.haha.after that dropped my bag at home then rushed to meet beat to go running.duno how long we ran..but it seemed quite long.after dat ran to beauty world to meet my parents.collected new specs.dan went ntuc...wah.super irritated with my parents there la. we were shopping for newyr goodies.then whatever my bro wanted, they will get.what ever i tell them to buy, they wun buy.wah piang. its sux la.forever lyk dat one.irritating.reached home ard 8plus.was watching extreme gormet and was studying for chi at the same time.then dad kept on nagging and nagging.argh..stupid.i mean its like, just let me watch one show la.anyway i learnt my chi yestday liao.juz revising only.

falling asleep
hmm.juz realised that the chinese words in the last entry nvr come out.haha.ohwell..
freezing here.
sometimes i wonder what's its like to be in heaven..all dressed in white?walking around?playing with one another?having fun?hhaha.always see in shows where people actually stand on clouds..haha.hmm...i wonder...

i duno.confused lately.as in..i duno.i lazy to type here..
seriously, i duno if i'm the cause of causing the friendship of lionel and grace to be bad.i duno. grace and i were like once the closest friend i had. as in we would like share about stuff and talk and laugh about silly stuff.she was the one that i could go to.jyc camps, she was the closest to me.shared room during church camp too.i got to know lionel through her.he became my kor and grace became my jie.i knew the both of them were very close.yea.dan duno why suddenly they both became not so close anymore.i duno.dan lionel would tell me stuff..grace would tell me stuff too.was somewhat like stuck in the middle.but yea.in my heart, i really wanted to get the friendship of both of them right. really wanted to. grace said in her blog that the place in lionel's heart that once belonged to her now belonged to me.i duno.i'm confused.started listening to lionel and talking to him..listened to grace too.but somehow, i seemed closer to lionel and lionel became closer to me.at that time, i really didn know whether what i did was correct. i mean, i was just listening to them..i duno.. i duno how it became like this. even now, i duno if grace is really really being concerned about me or she doesnt like me.i duno.i relaly duno what happened.we seldom talk,its like last time, we used to tell each other everything.now. i duno.this thing had been on my mind for a super longtime.but it never really processed....i need to sort this out.

sch's over and supposed to go for chi lesson.decided to be late.ohwell.

slept for like about half the time allocated for geog test.i'm such a pig.but i really dun get how cum people can write so much.i thought i wrote alot.but everybody wrote so much more.ohwells.once i finished, i din know what else to write, so juz slpt.coz super tired.

free period was fun.as in we went library upstairs to talk.leemey,krist,minty,claire,me. about people.duno la.but i dun dare type anything here in case smth happens.haha.but we did something really childish.ohwell.but was fun.but come to think of it, it was bad la.duno.i remember the primary schools days when we used to bully each other.take each other's bag, disturb one another, put staple bullets on each other's hair, use the sqirt water ting to squirt at each other...come to think of it, it was super childish and bad.i remember in primary 6, eunice chan and i used to bully andrea. we used to chase her around the school with the water squirt and get her wet.used to hide her school bag..used to put staple bullets in her hair.man oh man.super childish..primary 6 la.its funny, but yet its not.

seriously, its super hard to love some one. these few days, our topic people had always been evolving around the same people. ___ ____ and ___..cannot type here.scali i die. really, sometimes i feel very bad also, like hypocritical.like what leemey said, one moment you are so nice to the person, then behind their backs, you talk bad about them and complain about them. sometimes, i really canot stand them, but yet, i know its bad to talk about them..how...ahh.friends, friends friends...

finally spent time with God ystday.haven been spending time.everyday's super busy and there's like no time.i know,,,its all excues.but by the time i get home, its either dinner time or after dinner. do homework, dan plonk off to bed. pastor sam's story kept coming back to me..about TIME.coz the only thing God wants is our time. God gave me this song ystday.
jesus, all for jesus
all i am and have
and ever hope to be
all of my
ambitions hopes and plans
i surrender these
into your hands
for its only in
your will that i am free

God told me to commit everything to him again.he wants to know my plans.he wants to know my agenda. i mean, he knows already, but he wants me to tell him personally. He wants me to give everything back to him, he wants me to tell him everything..ystdae night was lying on the sofa and juz singing that song silently(everybody in my hse was slping liao).God really came.havent experienced that for along long time.like what (i can't remember who) said..each time you go back to GOd, he does heart surgery with you.its painful.but you'll feel better. its like nowadays, its super tirring and busy and stressful, there's like hardly anytime to talk to God.felt super good after talking to DADDY GOD(:i realised how important it is..

got back emath and bio test today.did kinda ok.was surprised that i actually got quite high.cool.yea.all glory be to GOD up there(:

新年要到了！有很多东西要吃。。哈哈。我喜欢华文！再见！(: