everything in
it's right place

don't know why i've been pushing the thought of this further and further back. whether or not to pursue a long distant relationship is slowly wearing me away. i know what my heart wants, i can't seem to match it up with whatever is the sensible thing to do. she seems indifferent to either choice, something i'm not really happy with either. saying "i don't mind" to a relationship is akin to "doesn't matter enough to choose" or "don't want to have the burden to decide". hope i'm not reading too much into things.

in four years, will people change? will i meet someone else? will i meet no one else? will i regret leaving behind the best time of my life because i was too afraid to get the guts to tough it out?

it's a long road ahead

I'VE PASSED ALL MY EXAMS!!

it's such a big relief for me, as i was so worried about one of my current subjects! it's called molecular neurophysiology, and due to a string of events lost out on 15% of my total marks! which is really scary considering that i got less than 65% for all my subjects in the first half of the year.

turns out that i got 68% before my marks were even adjusted! haha. wooohooo right? even better, i called my coordinator and he agreed to award me the class average for my mid-semester test (10 out of 15%) so now i've got 78!

officially on the way to med school now :) i was hesitant on joining the fb group, but now i'm officially a member of UQ MBBS 2012!

unless a retain a year... hehehe.. nah. exactly 4 weeks more till i leave army, singapore, and my bebe (just for a short short while). at this time 4 weeks time, i'll be college collecting my stuff from storage...

yes, it was 9 degrees this morning. one month ago, the daily average was around 20-30 degrees.

so tired of studying - scoring a pass for every subject seems like such a daunting task. even though under normal circumstances, would be so insignificant as to come even remotely close to placing a burden on me.

must studyyyy

Good news always comes with bad news. Why does life have to be so difficult?

I just received an offer from Emmanuel College offering me an interview next Tuesday the 18th. Great, right? Well turns out that I also got an offer from Union College last week with no interview, but with a deadline on the 14th this Friday!

Emmanuel offers great post-graduate apartments fully catered, with a laundry service (woohoo no more washing clothes?) and kitchen. What I've heard about Union is that it's a college full of immature 18y/o-who-behave-like-5y/o kids, along with rat infested vermin, heated college rivalries and other atrocious things. But still better to stay there (something like 100 meters from my future lecture theaters) than a weird apartment in the suburbs by myself.

Yet another reason why I hate applications (of all types).


back to studying combinatorial chemistry...

it's been a long time since i've updated this blog. here's a breakdown of what i can remember:

1) went to gold coast with lorraine and some college people. it was fun! at least i thought it was. amidst the political ramblings, which i just brushed aside. we went to movieworld and dreamworld. loved the rollercoasters at movieworld, not many but they are definitely exciting. also got a severe sore throat as a result of all the unnecessary screaming. haha.

2) i got in to medicine at the university of queensland. so much paperwork to complete regarding my acceptance, but it's worth it. had to settle my disrupted national service which is a real pain in the ass. going to spend every single day of my time back home in singapore doing NS!

3) got an interview for medicine at ANU, which is australia's #1 university. turns out that they are lowest ranked for medicine, which i only found out after attending the interview (was fun, haha). other interviewees there didn't seem to like me as i had already gotten in to medicine, in fact i feel rather bad for even showing up for the interview! oh well i wanted to experience it anyway.

4) decided to stay in a residential college next year! figured its about time i made friends with more australian people. i applied to international house in brisbane, hope it's all good there.

5) tests, tests, tests. did well for some, crap for others. one of the pre-reqs for getting into medicine is that i actually have to pass my undergrad or they forfeit the offer. sounds brainless, but turns the pressure up significantly!!!

6) sick sick sick. melbourne weather finally getting to me. 25 degrees in the arvo, sub-10 at night. helloo?!


till next time,
c.

Every year for christmas or my birthday people would ask me what i wanted, and ever year i said 'nothing much'! So this year I made my total guitar rig and wishlist...


Guitar:
Gibson Les Paul Studio
Fender American Standard (DiMarzio Area '58 neck, Area '61 bridge)


Amps:
VOX AC30
Fender Twin Reverb or Fender Dual Showman
Atomic Amps 112 15W


Effects chain:
POD X3 Live
Compressor MXR DynaComp
Distortion Proco RAT, Ibanez TS-9 (original), Marshall Guv'nor, Fulltone Fulldrive
Chorus BOSS CE-2 or BOSS CH-1
Phaser Boss PH-2
Delay Line 6 DL4, BOSS DD-6
Wah Crybaby Q (already have)
Volume pedal
Voodoo Labs PP2

EST price (with 2nd hand effects): $11190
I guess that's a wishlist for the next 10 years :P

Just Read:
Strange Objects by Gary Crew 7/10
The Language of God by Francis Collins (head of HGP) 5/10

Current Reading List:
The Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss
Vernon God Little by DBC Pierre (after 4 months, still...)
Speed Reading Book by Tony Buzan




Want to Read List:
still pending...

walking across the sands
in my eyes i see only you
moonlight across the sea
nowhere else i would rather be

under the stars we spin (and spin, spin)
intertwined in this web of love
eyes shut blind by you
there's nowhere else i'd rather be

but today
i look outside
this quiet dark night
and i see only my reflection
a world so dark, an imperfection

and if ever we part
say nought my dear heart
that fate has set us apart
but without rue
i love you

i almost forgot this place exists. so much has been happening recently, i shall update this one soon.

take this kiss upon the brow!
and, in parting from you now,
thus much let me avow--
you are not wrong, who deem
that my days have been a dream;
yet if hope has flown away
in a night, or in a day,
in a vision, or in none,
is it therefore the less gone?
all that we see or seem
is but a dream within a dream.

i stand amid the roar
of a surf-tormented shore,
and i hold within my hand
grains of the golden sand--
how few! yet how they creep
through my fingers to the deep,
while i weep--while i weep!
o God! can i not grasp
them with a tighter clasp?
o God! can i not save
one from the pitiless wave?
is all that we see or seem
but a dream within a dream?


e a p.

it's been such a long week
even though really, i haven't been doing anything at all. unless sleeping is counted as something. but it works out great :)

so relaxing. la la la.

wind wind go away
come again some other day
take my hopes and let me stay
in dreams so still that i decay

1) smoke a lot
2) drink a lot
3) think a lot


4) lung cancer
5) liver failure
6) highly stressed and confused!

i'm just rambling.
i've heard many girls say that guys have zero EQ;


in my case,
i think i'm probably in the negative one million range.

i feel it
a hundred miles around

waiting in the dark
these halogen stars
they shine for me
and me
alone

i say the most stupidest things ever.
somebody punch me

it's good to hear a familiar voice after so many years.

lubdublubdublubdub lubdub lubbbb dubbbbb lub dub






beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
(help)

the taxi speeds down the highway
but my heart has stalled,






(i'll just close my eyes
-- in electric dreams)

breathebreathe

1(a

le
af
fa
ll

s)
one
l

iness

recently, i've been attached to one of tan tock seng hospital's many research labs. in particular, the neuromuscular laboratory. what is the goal of the lab? frankly, i have no idea at all. my interest has been waning of the past 6 months, and i wonder to myself why i ever chose biomedical science.

although i turn up at the office daily without even a sliver of passion for my work (or the lack of it), i feel that time spent here has not been completely futile. the pure act of staying up 9-10 hours in the dreary lab environment, slowly getting my daily dose of fluorescent light tan, has completely changed my outlook on the future. money is of such importance, so many things we do revolve around money, earning it, spending ; we are only human. and i won't be getting much money at all running gels or doing PCRs.

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
—the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

sleep, sleep tonight
and may your dreams
be realised
if the thunder cloud passes rain
so let it rain
rain down on him
let it rain

when the nights seem so long and dreary
i wonder what i'm really longing for
a longing so mysterious, elusive

i've been so tired these few days, not because i'm jet lagged (i should be) but because my internal clock has turned itself on it's head. i was supposed to study today, since i was slacking off and decided not to go to the lab. instead:

1) woke up at 12noon
2) packed my room (this is a good thing)
3) facebook-ed and msn-ed nobody in particular
4) finished reading Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers by Guo Xiaolu
5) napped!
6) spent 2 hours trying to play 'Where the Streets Have No Name by' by U2

ok, off to check youtube and facebook again...