everything in
it's right place

I actually felt like studying a moment ago. Our of sheer boredom, studying seemed like the most productive thing to do. But what to study? I just finished my exams 5 days ago, maybe I'll try out this thing called 'bumming around' for a few more days first.

I'm going slightly mad.

No acoustic guitar! No comfy bed (hard pillows and thin-ish blanket), extremely slow computer, extremely slow internet connection (ok not really! but haha compared to australia), no car!!!!


blah. next best thing then. SLEEP

Recently my life has been running at such a hectic pace, and as such I readily embrace any opportunity to chill out with my friends :) Charmaine and I decided to have lunch outside the other day and this band happened to be performing there; rather unusual as not many events are held there. The music was great, the band actually stopped playing on stage halfway through their set and started walking around with hand instruments - they even drummed on the lamp posts and trash cans! -.-"

They did sound extremely good though. Played a mix of ska and rock, some of that Jamaican sounding stuff. Enjoyable!

Enough blabber, back to studying about(something, I forgot).

this blog is desperately outdated
shows that i only use the computer because i have to study
school starts this coming monday though, maybe i'll finally be able to update this blog and check my email

blahhhhhhhh sleepy

phenylephrine
phentolamine
chlonidine
prazosin
yohimbine
isoprenaline
propanolol
dobutamine
salbutamol
atenolol
butoxamine

amphetamine
tyramine
ephedrine

neostigmine

atropine
hyoscine

hexamethonium
tubocurarine

cocaine

captopril
bradykinin is a vasodilator
prostaglandin
prostacylcin
thromboxane

Do you remember the 21st night of September?
Love was changing the mind of pretenders
While chasing the clouds away

Our hearts were ringing
In the key that our souls were singing.
As we danced in the night,
Remember - how the stars stole the night away, yeah yeah yeah.

Hey hey hey,
Ba de ya - say do you remember
Ba de ya - dancing in September
Ba de ya - never was a cloudy day

my vocabulary is slowly diminishing, i'm not using random words and sounds (blah? meh? orh. huh) to express myself. back to kindergarten again, yup.

a little overwhelmed with school work nowadays (that phrase sounds like an oxymoron, hmm). just so much to study, my limited social life has been eating in to my time too.

i'm still deciding between going for squash on thursday night, or dinner with zw, or just staying home to study (highly unlikely). over the weekend i also have jackie's 21st party, a church rehearsal, cell group meeting, the usual cell dinner on saturday, attend both services on sunday because i'm playing, then lug my gear back home.

blargghhhh

thanks to charmaine, 16 of us had a wonderful dinner at crown casino's koko japanese restaurant. it's been a while since i've had such nice food, in a such nice place! there was a lot of variety, from pickled sprouts, sashimi and chawanmushi for the appetisers to seafood and teppenyaki steak, perfectly done.

jin, this korean guy studying in a similar course, and i drank tons of alcohol! but we did feel a little bad, because charmaine was treating the whole lot of us to the entire dinner so we decided to chip in for the drinks. never seen anyone splurge that much on a birthday party (a non-21 birthday party!). we had 2 bottles of sake and a 720ml bottle of umeshu plum wine. this was just between the two of us! we could drink lots more, but our student budgets told us otherwise.

of course this is australia after all; there's always room for some alcohol somewhere. went back to college square 2 for more drinks and chatter. i learnt a new drink trick of sorts, quite embarrassing as it seemed like everyone knew it: pour a shot of sambuca, dip your finger in it, light finger on fire, suck on sweet goodness that is warm sambuca (plus awesome effect of burning finger) and pop the shot. playing with fire. it's an innocent way to get drunk yes?

terrence (the self-proclaimed alcoholic) got pretty drunk again anyway so i had to send him back to his house with didi. had the most awkward car ride ever, before i decided to call it early.

and guess what? i got home and drank more plum wine. mmm :)

it irks me too much to be in the same room with someone who lies to their friends. apparently a friend who i thought was really close to me. i just feel so hurt, disappointed. why would anyone lie to their friends?! the ones closest to you hurt you the most.

i'm praying, that i might get the perseverance to last through this, thinking for the good of others instead of just myself. being a friend to others, the sort that i would like my friends to be. however at the moment, that just seems rather impossible.

white is boring. white and black. black and white. not so much the fact that there were only two colours that dominated my previous template, but more so that it was completely washed out with white.

i went to my brother's blog (which i would prefer to keep anonymous for now), a site hosted by wordpress. and the blog templates over there! who knew that web browser technology has progressed such a long way. (ok it's more like i'm just incredibly outdated).

i always disliked messy layouts and designs. never liked anything that be intended to be messy, even though much of my life tends to end up that way eventually. messing with html and style sheets was always a pain in the ass, but always something one had to do if you wanted a non-cheesy website that didn't look like the zillion others out there.

today i happened to chance upon this gem, the layout i'm using now. i don't really quite like it as much as one i had eons ago (not the previous layout), but this looks pretty enough to make me not pissed (as i usually do with anything i did not make). found it at a website that is incidentally titled 'bloggertemplates.org'

in other words - happy :) don't forget to click the 'pull' tab at the upper right-hand corner, it opens a menu with everything i'd normally not want to see.

de-stressing with the most retarded button spamming game i know. somebody tell me what to do.

1am, just got back home.

and i had the most fun time anyone could have with a single person in a long, long while. eating, who doesn't like that? i had lots to eat, japanese bento box at kenada in bourke street, then across the hallway to dessert house for hot mixed tea-coffee (i forgot the singlish/chinese name for it) and banana crepes.

then over to melbourne central's hoyts cinemas to watch the ultimate sonny show of all time, 'knocked up'. there could be no better movie to make me miss the 3 other dumbasses (4 if you count the dicky) more than i already do. i'll be blessed if i ever get to forge another guy-guy (strictly note: not gay) friendship like that.

all this over wonderful conversation with a wonderful girl on a wonderful night. part of me is wondering if she actually got the idea, but i guess any girl must be pretty dumb (understatement) to not get it. the other part of me is waiting for her to call me back (she's washing up and packing her stuff for a bit). and a small part of me is indifferent to it all, the can't-really-be-bothered-about-anything attitude, waiting to jump into my heated warm bed and doze off to sleep!

i'm debating whether i made the right choice, using my head, logic, and religious views (something so totally unrelated to the previous two concepts) to come to a conclusion to. i'm probably going to have to cancel my outing tomorrow with the other so-called option, maybe that's what people mean when they say "you can't have your cake and eat it too"

still waiting.
wishing.
(fingers crossed)

i must be the most indecisive person in the world.

so hard to choose.


then include religion as a confounding factor. blah!

beautiful big eyes

admire

so i went out with zw last friday, after maybe 4 months of telling her off (not intentionally though!). she just likes to meet up at the most awkward times, always a 'lets go out NOW' kind of thing. sounds just like the sonnies.

anyway.

we went for a random drive around the city, finally ending up at dessert house. blah and i saw lorraine there, which was kinda weird. had some peanut butter pancakes and banana pancakes (how cliche!) which were not too bad. so cheap though! $4.50 for a bite in melbourne city is considered pretty much dirt cheap.

went for more random drives around town after that (all the way to rod laver arena and back?!) before finally ending up at some random car park in lygon street. and we sat there. and talked. and talked. and talked. it's been a really long time since i've talked that long to anyone. usually nowadays i tend to just sit on my ass and study all day long, watch some tele, drink a beer and do more damn studying.

we talked about the usual stuff. relationships, boys, girls, driving skillz, shitty boyfriends, high standards, sex (everyone likes to talk about this it seems), not having sex, the desire for love and companionship, the desire for freedom, old loves, some pseudo-political stuff which i can barely remember, braces, porsches.

talking about all that stuff makes me miss singapore, strangely. i miss the memories there, the food, the friends, the family. i didn't really tell her that though, it just cycled in the back of my mind.

it's 1.45am now, i can barely think logically; have to wake up in 5 hours. and i'll lie in bed topnight, feeling surrounded by so many but not in touch with any. it's not a sad feeling, really (it should be i think). the tiredness just makes me numb to it all.

and then i looked up at the sun
and i could see
the way that gravity pulls for you and me

and then i looked up at the sky
and saw the sun
and the way that gravity pulls on everyone
on everyone






i guess it's a rather bad idea
when you start talking about the people you used to like

just got back from a ski trip :)

so tired

whole body's aching. and the weather was pretty terrible, crazy winds and bad visibility. but so much fresh snow :)

just gonna fall in my bed and sleeeeeeeeeeeeep

As part of my course, we're given these 'clicker' gadgets to use during lectures, basically it's a wireless remote control to submit answers to questions given in lectures. As if anyone would ever submit a decent answer, especially with an anonymous tag!

The answer was infact chronic, for the above slide. There's also mmmmdonuts, what, answer, boobs and spaghetti among the other random answers...

lol i should really study.

Just too much work now. Actually not really that much, but it's so much more than what I've been used to. Studying everyday, on the first week of school?! Done with one subject, still ten more pages of the next, then another ten pages of the next, also another 40 chapters of my MCAT to cover. Seems like a never ending cycle, but I've no choice because nowadays I can see so clearly how it's going to affect my future and really, that scares the shits out of me. So, on to studying! Yes!

Then again, I am a lazy little bastard and at times even that doesn't scare me. Bleah. Never mind, got to push forward... Study, damn it!



-



apparently listening is one of my strong points. my mom makes full use of it, just babbling away constantly in the background (i'm not listening, really). just throw in a 'ah ha', 'yeah...', 'oh that's bad' once in a while. once in a while i slow down and listen to people (like, really listen) and their problems. and then i realise just how many people feel so constantly shitty everyday.

except me. i just feel... fine? 'ok'.

am i really so desensitised? un-opinionated? (is there such a word?)

do i really lead such a wonderfully bliss life?

i dunno.

anything la.

went to newton hawker center for dinner last night! hahaha everything that i'd want to eat in singapore, we ordered it! well almost. char kway teow, satay, hokkien mee, sugar cane, kopi bing, oyster egg, chicken wings, stingray! yumyumm

of course there wasn't any roti prata, mutton soup, teh halia or kway chap. but don't worry, i had that the day before. hahaha

after dinner, we went to dempsey road for ice cream at the new ben&jerry's. the decor in that place is fantastic, old brick walls with wooden tables and superrrr comfy sofa chairs. and a fire place to match! the place was packed, surprising that such an ulu place would be so crowded isn't it? the ambience was nice, the ice cream wasn't too bad but it was soooo expensive. but that's ben&jerry's. i ordered the brownie special (yum!) and a latte (bleah).

i decided to leave a little earlier than the rest, so tired :( but elvine gave me a lift home in his porsche (wtf right he has a porsche! he is an awesome guy though). haha that thing is just.... SHIOK man i'm gonna buy one (in the next 50years maybe). life is going to be hard as a test tube washer though!




nothing much left of the day now, just a dimsum lunch at peach garden (is that what it's called? it's near newton), an afternoon to finish this book and it's off to the airport already...

i'm just writing my thoughts now (however jumbled they may seem):

some people are special
so special
even after months, years, the way you think about them just never changes.
the personality, character, the way they dress and talk, their wonderful smile

but time and distance and the silly things people do
drift friends apart.

and i wonder
will we still (ever)
laugh, cry or smile together
when we're old and wrinkly?

i know we will,
although in a matter of time

though it's hard to let you go,
in the Father's hands we know...

so, post-exam party consists of:

1 bottle chivas
1 bottle peach schnapps
1 and a half bottles smirnoff vodka
1 bottle jim beam
6 good friends

i've never seen alcohol go that fast, but it was fun. jumping around, laughing at nothing, laughing at random people on the street, laughing at the 7-11 guy, laughing at yourself in the mirror, laughing at friends passing by (and they give the classic 'wtf' look).

haha. i'll be back on friday :)

for you i'm gonna sit and patiently wait
it's great if you're early but it's fine if you're late
for you i feel love and i just wanna show it
you're a beautiful girl and i want you to know it

you're a beautiful girl and i want you to know it
it's an infinite world and i want you

this is nice.

and also this.

i like this playlist :)

i've got exams within a week. my driving test has been shifted forward to next tuesday too. yikes.

i guess i'm always the same old me, too bochap! i need to get more serious about these exams. seems like more than 8 hours of studying a day seems to switch off my brain though.

ok i can't think anymore
bye

DNA
RNA
MHC
HSP60
HSP70
BCL2
BAD
BAX
CDC25
CDC20
CYT C
CDK
CAK
Wee1
RB
APC
TATA
MRF
MEF
MyoD
EF-Tu
EF-G

WTF
WTF!


-victim of biology overdose

just got back from a dave matthews band concert. it was super, super, super good! although at the end it was quite obvious that the band was really tired out haha. they played 'stay (wasting time)' as their encore song but it was a little sloppy. however 'ants marching in' was so nice! dave himself is such an awesome guitarist, the band also transforms every cover into their particular style, it was so good to listen and watch.

the crowd was also a little different than most concerts i've been to. hanging around a bunch of oldies! barely saw any teenagers there, seems like most people were between the 25-40 range. i went with karen and both of us were way below the average (20 and 19 haha) so it felt a bit weird. but listening to my favourite songs played live, yummy :)

went for paintball with the biomeds too last friday, came back with lots of bruises and sore legs. not surprisingly it is actually quite painful, but you lose the sensation so fast because of the fast paced gameplay. and then someone sticks 5-6 balls into you and you feel it again :P haha ouch.

and i've been driving around a lot with the instructor. he actually had me drive to doncaster to pick up his wife who works in a hospital there. erhhm. i'll take it positively and shows that he actually thinks i'm a good enough driver to pick up his wife :) had to get on the freeway, where most people average 100-110. haha, a lot more fun than driving 35kmh around the shitty city roads. and feels easier too.

and i got a new phone! nokia e65. looks really nice, minor gripe is that the usability isn't as good as my old 6280 (which is still being repaired thanks to 3's pathetic service). but i'm happy still.

1245am, way too late and way too sleepy. yawwwnnn

so many things went on this week. school sucks, seriously.

had a microbiology test on monday that was worth 20%. and i couldn't do half of it. whoops... also the next day i had another test that was worth 3%. but it's my intergrated bio science subject so the weightage is actually two subjects, making it 6%. which was also pretty damn hard.

yesterday was a public holiday, but i spent the wholeeeeeee day writing a damn essay on immunology! hehe but at least it's done and i'm sort of pleased with it. plus i have a full day of school today, with lab in the afternoon (lab is a nightmare). my brain must've told me subconciously to skip it though, because i'm really still at home writing crap on blogger. and tomorrow i have to go for a haircut then driving lesson then

ahhhh i should go to school bye

i took a detour from studying today (midsems on monday, 20% weightage!?!) and got sidetracked by the computer. for some reason i was playing around with msn and started reading old message histories. really, i must've been really bored eh.

it's interesting how much relationships, people and myself change, so evident just from reading nonsense conversations about nothing much in particular. some things for the better, probably a couple for the worse. i miss some of my old friends. i've also made quite a few new ones though, but i've become so distant with some that i can hardly even call them friends anymore, i think that's rather sad.

did some sort of personality test today during cell group. this one actually resembled one of those online email quizzes though. hahaha. apparently i'm very carefree and relaxed, i like to meet new people, i don't like boundaries or datelines nor do i bother with routines (all quite true). and my greatest fear? rejection! ouch. at the rate i'm going i'll probably be immune to it soon though.


oh well, how msn has robbed me of an hour of studying, just like that. friends, old friends, lost friends, new friends. sigh.

ahh i haven't updated for ages.

today's the last day of the easter break, and tomorrow i'll be back in school! i've been slacking way too much; i've got two tests the following week and an essay due and i plan on starting tomorrow. all of a sudden, 3 days to study for a single tests assessing 30 lectures worth of material seems a bit... insane.

so that guy and i are ok now. it's like a mutual understanding. haha. also this post is about a few days late; we actually said sorry (over msn nontheless, none of that icky talking stuff) almost immediately after.

somehow forgiving good friends like him (and myself), guys especially seems so easy. maybe because we're more bochap, hmm? haha.

and i'm talking to victoria now about how i only blog about emo and crappy parts. why whine on a website when you're totally happy anyway?

bah it's only 11pm and i'm so sleepy already. but forcing myself to study! gah i'll never understand how some people can actually enjoy studying.


blah

sigh. i've been so temperamental this weekend, people just gradually driving me up the wall until i snap at them.

punched a friend today after he went a little too far, well i didn't really mean to punch him that hard. more of a for fun thing. and i was semi-ticked off already but he just stared me down. which made me want to punch him for real.

i'm still a little pissed. no, fucking pissed. and sad. i probably had enough adrenaline to smash my racket over his head. but sigh, swallowed some pride for the sake of friendship and trying to forget it.

calm down
calm down.
pray
pray.

wow. that last one sounded so damn emo.

anyway dave matthews band rocks. i probably cheated them of 40 songs or $80 worth of songs that i've downloaded from the 'net.

came back at 2am last night, some mini road trip around melbourne? ended up at south yarra (i think) and ate way too much at chapelli's, a pretty nice cafe/bistro that opens 24hrs (!?). i had banana pancakes and hot chocolate too, so i'm excused breakfast today. ha.


zzz sleep

i'm feeling pretty shit.

sometimes friendships can turn so sour, or at least seem that way. so fake, so artificial. who am i to judge relationships, is it just a matter of personal opinion?

i've always chosen my friends; i don't keep those who have principles i don't agree with. is that wrong? is it wrong to dump them because i simply cannot be bothered repairing lost relations? finding new ones to replace the old. dumping them perhaps of some silly thing i did ages ago and just don't want to bring it up ever again.

i must be biased, scarred for life (or at least quite a while). seems like nothing seems to sway my opinion anymore; i've purely given up and living it by the moment.

obviously i still care enough about it to drag out a long-ish emo post, but probably not enough to do anything about it.

just sitting and waiting.

(maybe wishing? not trying to be lame but... ahhhh)

had the most ridiculous lab practical today. people wearing specs are excused from safety glasses, how logical is that? but i'm not complaining! and machines which are not really working at all, and lab notes with such dense language (maybe i'm just dumb) and a total lack of seriousness!

we played bingo and connect four and cursed at useless lab machinery, then proceeded with more pen and paper games. then the four of us (tim didi steph i) discussed about the futility of our course, how the four of us were doing the work of a single person (not even close to being succesful either), how we'd be pressing 'stop stop enter' our whole lives in front of spectrophotometers, messing up back corrections, editing our own results for the greater good of scientific progress.

haven't really succeeded in my goal of making tons of new friends, but at least i've met a handful (if i can remember their names... hmm?). sometimes i'm wondering if my old friends think i'm a dick because i don't hang out with them so often anymore.

i've been missing the 3 guys back home, those kind of friends you just can't replace.

maybe once i get my phone fixed, or find the computer cable for my mom's V3 (the blackish new-ish one... with rubber nonslip surface thingy) i'll upload some pictures.

ok i'm eating my second dinner. pasta with olive oil, mushroom soup (made from 500g of mushrooms!!?!) and coffee. ok enough rambling pft.

it's funny how all the wrong reasons motivate you study!

or go to for lectures!

and how i've noticed my conversational skills disappearing (perhaps they've been lost for a few years),

especially when it's the time to say something, but i always miss it!

DAMN




now go to sleep, chris, you have a freaking 8am lecture tomorrow! 8am!!! yay!