30 December 2004
man, i think i'm hooked on jay again. i've been listening to him like nonstop since last night. arghhhhhhh :)
it's such an early time in the morning, an already the sky's looking so gloomy. and i was going to run my epic 2340975 km route!
i just woke up and now i'm practicing the songs (acoustic style) for the worship later. until now i don't know if i'm playing acoustic or lead electric, so i'm just practicing like crazy and hoping for the best. yesterday's worship was such a disaster! i feel really bad for paul, who was there at 5pm because that was exactly when the practice was supposed to start. and i thought i was really late so rushed down in a cab and got there at 5.20pm, and no one was in there yet! finally the practice started at 6pm, and dominic was saying how sarah was going to come late. well it's so funny in the end she wasn't late at all, because she arrived just in time as our practice started (which was 6pm!)
and my mom was nagging away the other day about how we should just book a jam studio for $10/hr instead of the CPA for $200/hr. so now i'm practicing like mad. however i was so blur yesterday! i guess it's because i haven't played in a band environment for a really long time so i wasn't really sure, and all i play is that jazz flub. so i REALLY forgot how to play this solo-ing stuff bleah it's so lousy.
and so it's getting really late now (11am, for a run that is) so i'm debating whether to meet emily who took back her ex after dumping him (how dumb). bah
i just woke up and now i'm practicing the songs (acoustic style) for the worship later. until now i don't know if i'm playing acoustic or lead electric, so i'm just practicing like crazy and hoping for the best. yesterday's worship was such a disaster! i feel really bad for paul, who was there at 5pm because that was exactly when the practice was supposed to start. and i thought i was really late so rushed down in a cab and got there at 5.20pm, and no one was in there yet! finally the practice started at 6pm, and dominic was saying how sarah was going to come late. well it's so funny in the end she wasn't late at all, because she arrived just in time as our practice started (which was 6pm!)
and my mom was nagging away the other day about how we should just book a jam studio for $10/hr instead of the CPA for $200/hr. so now i'm practicing like mad. however i was so blur yesterday! i guess it's because i haven't played in a band environment for a really long time so i wasn't really sure, and all i play is that jazz flub. so i REALLY forgot how to play this solo-ing stuff bleah it's so lousy.
and so it's getting really late now (11am, for a run that is) so i'm debating whether to meet emily who took back her ex after dumping him (how dumb). bah
29 December 2004
man i can feel my heartbeat in my shoulder. is that good or bad?
anyway today's event was this thing called 'wayne's bbq' and it was pretty screwed up. ok maybe it was partly my fault because i didn't really join in but i think it was a pretty screwed up day. first sarah met me two hours late and she didnt even say sorry lah! wah lao you can never imagine how pissed i was... ok i'll just say it, it was the most pissed i ever got this week even more than my mom screwing about moving rooms or shitty feelings about passe people and people who don't answer phone calls. it was soooooo annoying but somehow i sort of let it off but it's still twitching at the back of my mind! and for the most stupid reason - the rain. it wasn't really as bad as say 'tsunami conditions' so just take an umbrella lah! ok i'm going a bit mad sigh just because of two hours.
ok the next annoying part which wasn't really annoying but a bit is that the taxi fare going home! oh man i forgot about the midnight charge so in the end the taxi fare became $16 haha but sigh it's ok i still love you guys -gives 'that' face- and i don't value money that much compared to many other things so it doesn't really affect me that much. yah but the taxi driver drove this screwed up route which costs me like $5 more and i had no idea how to correct him! so right, it's my fault too
then to top it off, i wanted to call D to tell her how weird today is but D didn't answer 4 of my calls -bleah-
sigh dunno why my mood's so bad these few days. sigh.
be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. and do not be anxious abt anything but in everything prayer and petition present your requests to god. and god will guard you hearts and your minds in christ jesus.
james1:19 phil4:6
anyway today's event was this thing called 'wayne's bbq' and it was pretty screwed up. ok maybe it was partly my fault because i didn't really join in but i think it was a pretty screwed up day. first sarah met me two hours late and she didnt even say sorry lah! wah lao you can never imagine how pissed i was... ok i'll just say it, it was the most pissed i ever got this week even more than my mom screwing about moving rooms or shitty feelings about passe people and people who don't answer phone calls. it was soooooo annoying but somehow i sort of let it off but it's still twitching at the back of my mind! and for the most stupid reason - the rain. it wasn't really as bad as say 'tsunami conditions' so just take an umbrella lah! ok i'm going a bit mad sigh just because of two hours.
ok the next annoying part which wasn't really annoying but a bit is that the taxi fare going home! oh man i forgot about the midnight charge so in the end the taxi fare became $16 haha but sigh it's ok i still love you guys -gives 'that' face- and i don't value money that much compared to many other things so it doesn't really affect me that much. yah but the taxi driver drove this screwed up route which costs me like $5 more and i had no idea how to correct him! so right, it's my fault too
then to top it off, i wanted to call D to tell her how weird today is but D didn't answer 4 of my calls -bleah-
sigh dunno why my mood's so bad these few days. sigh.
be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. and do not be anxious abt anything but in everything prayer and petition present your requests to god. and god will guard you hearts and your minds in christ jesus.
james1:19 phil4:6
26 December 2004
this is a really good verse. it's the verse by which my ex cell group leader became a christian. and really, it applies to so so much.
naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked i shall depart
the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away
may the name of the Lord be praised
job 1:21
naked I came from my mother's womb,
and naked i shall depart
the Lord gave and the Lord has taken away
may the name of the Lord be praised
job 1:21
I hate it how once good friends can actually become barely aquaintances. It all seems so fake, when once we all seem almost as if best of friends but a couple of months down the road, we barely know each other. Friends who don't even bother to call or even a message, unless you initiate it first; these kind of people don't really deserve friendship but sometimes you know it feels so painful just to let them go. It's the feeling of insecurity, the lack of feeling wanted or loved. Ya maybe you can say i'm insecure but how can you feel at home or at peace if who you think are your closest buddies sometimes don't even care.
That's really just rambling but there's this certain person who just ticks it off inside of me everytime and it's really getting on my nerves. My neighbour wants told me (yah haha really) that you shouldn't give your love out to people who don't love you, that you're really worth more than that and it's perhaps the truest words you could ever apply to any sort of relationship, no matter how close.
Anyway I had church this morning which was pretty cool because the Christmas service was special, but Jeff was taking all sorts of nonsense photos and we weren't really listening, more like just taking nonsense photos. After service dom wayne debs jeff and val went to tiong bahru plaza to watch oceans 12 which seemed like a Really Messy Movie and didn't really click that well. I thought Kung Fu Hustle was much better :) but valerie hates it apparently. I was pretty stoned today though, not in the mood perhaps despite the company so after that I decided to head home (my uncle was having a gathering but all they do is gamble so i decided against it).
So that's a Christmas for ya, merry or not. I don't know why but i'm always feeling upside down like this; when everyone's happy I'm feeling down and when everyone's down I'm usually hanging on good... probably just the stubborn flu that i'm having. It's just not christmas if you don't feel loved.
That's really just rambling but there's this certain person who just ticks it off inside of me everytime and it's really getting on my nerves. My neighbour wants told me (yah haha really) that you shouldn't give your love out to people who don't love you, that you're really worth more than that and it's perhaps the truest words you could ever apply to any sort of relationship, no matter how close.
Anyway I had church this morning which was pretty cool because the Christmas service was special, but Jeff was taking all sorts of nonsense photos and we weren't really listening, more like just taking nonsense photos. After service dom wayne debs jeff and val went to tiong bahru plaza to watch oceans 12 which seemed like a Really Messy Movie and didn't really click that well. I thought Kung Fu Hustle was much better :) but valerie hates it apparently. I was pretty stoned today though, not in the mood perhaps despite the company so after that I decided to head home (my uncle was having a gathering but all they do is gamble so i decided against it).
So that's a Christmas for ya, merry or not. I don't know why but i'm always feeling upside down like this; when everyone's happy I'm feeling down and when everyone's down I'm usually hanging on good... probably just the stubborn flu that i'm having. It's just not christmas if you don't feel loved.
19 December 2004
Ok, due to recent (happy) circumstances, don't call :)
But you still can if you want to.
:)
But you still can if you want to.
:)
I feel so lost nowadays. It could be because of the flu. However I've been watching all these sappy romantic movies and their different perceptions of love, all of which I have neither :( So call me a lovesick puppy. Or really, just call me.
16 December 2004
argh! i went clubbing today. dunno why sarah sounded so opposed to it when i sms-ed her. but maybe i should've listened to her... because i did smoke a bit. which is terrible! argh -slaps myself- anyway jon chan gave me the pack of ciggeretes but i'm going to throw it away as soon as i leave his house. i'll have to extend my ban until... forever! maybe that'll finally stop me for once.
clubbed at zouk (mambo) and i met soooooo many people! whom i didn't even know were going. first of all, i was supposed to be going with jon chan. so we met chao, sean, leo and a bunch of other people whom i do not know. then i was also supposed to meet diana, daphne, cheryl, and their friends tiffany and a bunch of other people whom i also never got to really meet. they weren't really the friendly sorts, and the only friendly person i knew besides the twins was cheryl. so i sort of left them up to their own devices for most of the night and followed my own friends. who happened to be so fun! even those people i didn't know at all. haha cool. actually i did know them but they're more like aquaintences and not friends.
AND! before i actually went it, i met rachel! she was like 'chris!!!! today's my 20th birthday and wow i drank like 7 shots at my friends place so i'm really stonedddd'. that was followed by her sister natalie too. both of them are really pretty :) but in the club they looked really, ok i mean really really really drunk. they told me to come back when i was more... drunk... but i'm not really that kind of person nowadays to get drunk anyway. and they told me not to tell their parents :) i'll probably forget anyway.
AND! i also met justina! like suddenly this whole bunch of church people turn up. which was pretty amusing. just before the club closed at 3am she looked for me and eventually joined my clique, dancing to some really wonderfully nice music! imagine gold 90.5 + class 95 + retro 70s + dance beats + fabulous friendsand that equates to a whole lot fun! too bad the club closed about 20 minutes later. i thought it was really early for a club to close at 3, but well. normal people have to sleep too...
so now i'm sitting at jon chan's house, blogging on his computer, refusing to sleep for fear of never being able to wake up time (1 hour from now). thankfully nikki is online! who'd know, right? of all people to be online at this hour, it's actually her who's keeping me company. she actually sent me her US university application essay to read, just for fun. haha i'm half happy, half... i don't know. just that thin smile, the kind where you don't grin and show your teeth like mad. it's reconciliation of broken pasts. it's like a worker finally patching the chipped window frame after years of just sitting there. and i really just want to thank God for it because the past year i sort of did pray about it numerous (ok, a LOT) of times. and somehow, these days it is coming true! she's talking to me more and more each day. :) but i don't like her in the way i used to before. i think it's impossible, even if she were to go on her knees and beg.
anyway just hope that i'll be able to stay awake till 5.45am and get a cab back to camp. then i can just lie down and sleep and stone in the bunk the whole day. and maybe practice some jazz and read that galatians chapter again! which i had totally no idea about after reading it last night. i read the second part of the chapter about a billion zillion times and it was just going in circles! reminded me of the debate in some newspaper about philosophers being unnessicerily wordy and technical. but that's a whole different story which is not really related.
perhaps this is enough blogging for the night. pray i keep awake for another hour and that i remember to read the galatians 4 again and that i throw away the cigerettes and that i never smoke again :) and even when clubbing or whatever next time! everybody who actually reads this blog please slap/punch/kick me!
clubbed at zouk (mambo) and i met soooooo many people! whom i didn't even know were going. first of all, i was supposed to be going with jon chan. so we met chao, sean, leo and a bunch of other people whom i do not know. then i was also supposed to meet diana, daphne, cheryl, and their friends tiffany and a bunch of other people whom i also never got to really meet. they weren't really the friendly sorts, and the only friendly person i knew besides the twins was cheryl. so i sort of left them up to their own devices for most of the night and followed my own friends. who happened to be so fun! even those people i didn't know at all. haha cool. actually i did know them but they're more like aquaintences and not friends.
AND! before i actually went it, i met rachel! she was like 'chris!!!! today's my 20th birthday and wow i drank like 7 shots at my friends place so i'm really stonedddd'. that was followed by her sister natalie too. both of them are really pretty :) but in the club they looked really, ok i mean really really really drunk. they told me to come back when i was more... drunk... but i'm not really that kind of person nowadays to get drunk anyway. and they told me not to tell their parents :) i'll probably forget anyway.
AND! i also met justina! like suddenly this whole bunch of church people turn up. which was pretty amusing. just before the club closed at 3am she looked for me and eventually joined my clique, dancing to some really wonderfully nice music! imagine gold 90.5 + class 95 + retro 70s + dance beats + fabulous friendsand that equates to a whole lot fun! too bad the club closed about 20 minutes later. i thought it was really early for a club to close at 3, but well. normal people have to sleep too...
so now i'm sitting at jon chan's house, blogging on his computer, refusing to sleep for fear of never being able to wake up time (1 hour from now). thankfully nikki is online! who'd know, right? of all people to be online at this hour, it's actually her who's keeping me company. she actually sent me her US university application essay to read, just for fun. haha i'm half happy, half... i don't know. just that thin smile, the kind where you don't grin and show your teeth like mad. it's reconciliation of broken pasts. it's like a worker finally patching the chipped window frame after years of just sitting there. and i really just want to thank God for it because the past year i sort of did pray about it numerous (ok, a LOT) of times. and somehow, these days it is coming true! she's talking to me more and more each day. :) but i don't like her in the way i used to before. i think it's impossible, even if she were to go on her knees and beg.
anyway just hope that i'll be able to stay awake till 5.45am and get a cab back to camp. then i can just lie down and sleep and stone in the bunk the whole day. and maybe practice some jazz and read that galatians chapter again! which i had totally no idea about after reading it last night. i read the second part of the chapter about a billion zillion times and it was just going in circles! reminded me of the debate in some newspaper about philosophers being unnessicerily wordy and technical. but that's a whole different story which is not really related.
perhaps this is enough blogging for the night. pray i keep awake for another hour and that i remember to read the galatians 4 again and that i throw away the cigerettes and that i never smoke again :) and even when clubbing or whatever next time! everybody who actually reads this blog please slap/punch/kick me!
Dear Diary,
I just posted something but you little piece of shit decided to not record it so now I have to type it out all over again.
I'm so bored.
Oh sarah said that her dad didn't do the lunch on sunday. Even though I'm absolutely sure I heard her say that.
It sucks to be sick. I felt like I've just woken up, even though I've been awake (Ok, not really. Far from it actually!) the entire day. Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (but I slept through a third of it. the most important third!).
Downloaded a whole lot of songs today; around 20 in fact. Most of them were Joe Pass' solo jazz guitar pieces, which were absolutely great to listen to. It's really cool when he does that walking bass thing. I tried learning more jazz stuff today, but I'm not well and it's quite tiring on the brain :(
Sending sarah some mp3s now which unfortunately are taking FOREVER to transfer.
Ok Diary, I'm bored. Bye!
xoxoxoxoxo,
chris
I just posted something but you little piece of shit decided to not record it so now I have to type it out all over again.
I'm so bored.
Oh sarah said that her dad didn't do the lunch on sunday. Even though I'm absolutely sure I heard her say that.
It sucks to be sick. I felt like I've just woken up, even though I've been awake (Ok, not really. Far from it actually!) the entire day. Watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (but I slept through a third of it. the most important third!).
Downloaded a whole lot of songs today; around 20 in fact. Most of them were Joe Pass' solo jazz guitar pieces, which were absolutely great to listen to. It's really cool when he does that walking bass thing. I tried learning more jazz stuff today, but I'm not well and it's quite tiring on the brain :(
Sending sarah some mp3s now which unfortunately are taking FOREVER to transfer.
Ok Diary, I'm bored. Bye!
xoxoxoxoxo,
chris
13 December 2004
ahh i'm sick today :( woke up feeling really crappy, with aching muscles, a really bad sore throat and sore eyes. plus a low grade fever! so i went to see the doctor... he was kinda stingy but in the end he gave me 2 days off. lucky me, i now have two days to watch my dvds! went to serene center after the docs (who didn't even charge me a cent!) and borrowed lots of movies. i got 'eternal sunshine of the spotless mind', 'the terminal', 'butterfly effect', 'when harry met sally' and my mom also got 'bridget jones diary' the first one. i'm really just gonna watch eternal sunshine first! it's such a nice movie, and it's not those idiotic movies (aka blade trinity) either! i originally wanted to get 'before sunsets', but it was such a shame, the store didn't have it! i have it reserved for the weekend anyway.
on friday i went to meet sarah for lunch! stupid girl, she really had no money at all and after a week of staying it marsiling (crap jungle place) all i really wanted was just some nice food. so i ended up treating her too! i'm such a great friend... the meal costs about $50! and this dummy sarah was so dumb - the waitress told her to 'watch her step' and she fell down a second later. sigh
later we went to watch blade trinity, like i mentioned in the above paragraphs was ridiculously dumb. it's just about wesley snipes killing vampires? which is not really that cool at all lah, except for jessica biel. she's one hottie! but a little too much on the muscles, i think?
sunday was slightly different compared to other church going days. this time we didn't have cell group, because most of our group was away overseas. it was only karl dom sarah and i, so we decided to go to dover to eat! haha kinda wasted lah, because when we returned to church they had packed lunch for us! sarah's dad did it; it was nasi lemak packed into really cool japanese disposable plastic trays. but i was too full on duck rice and chicken cutlet to eat any of it.
after that we did some cake giving stuff, which surprisingly was over so fast! my group was designated at the boarding school, and we gave out all our cakes in around 15 minutes! too bad most of them weren't at home :( but we got to give out christmas blessings :) which the boys kinda accepted half-heartedly...
at the end of it we just had some retarded games (i think my brother organised it? they were quite hard) and tea. dom's really funny, he's like never seen enough girls in his life. he was dreaming of all the little kiddies who were around sec1, imagining them as his girlfriends! and he's like, jc2? maybe only physically. haha but that's mean.
and sarah think she's really fat! mostly because we were telling her straight in the face... haha i think she's just fine. i saw some other stickly girls the other day and they didn't really look huggable :) haha i think i'm too bored and getting stupid. back to dvds and playing jazz (my jazz playing sounds quite bearable on the piano! wonderful stuff)
on friday i went to meet sarah for lunch! stupid girl, she really had no money at all and after a week of staying it marsiling (crap jungle place) all i really wanted was just some nice food. so i ended up treating her too! i'm such a great friend... the meal costs about $50! and this dummy sarah was so dumb - the waitress told her to 'watch her step' and she fell down a second later. sigh
later we went to watch blade trinity, like i mentioned in the above paragraphs was ridiculously dumb. it's just about wesley snipes killing vampires? which is not really that cool at all lah, except for jessica biel. she's one hottie! but a little too much on the muscles, i think?
sunday was slightly different compared to other church going days. this time we didn't have cell group, because most of our group was away overseas. it was only karl dom sarah and i, so we decided to go to dover to eat! haha kinda wasted lah, because when we returned to church they had packed lunch for us! sarah's dad did it; it was nasi lemak packed into really cool japanese disposable plastic trays. but i was too full on duck rice and chicken cutlet to eat any of it.
after that we did some cake giving stuff, which surprisingly was over so fast! my group was designated at the boarding school, and we gave out all our cakes in around 15 minutes! too bad most of them weren't at home :( but we got to give out christmas blessings :) which the boys kinda accepted half-heartedly...
at the end of it we just had some retarded games (i think my brother organised it? they were quite hard) and tea. dom's really funny, he's like never seen enough girls in his life. he was dreaming of all the little kiddies who were around sec1, imagining them as his girlfriends! and he's like, jc2? maybe only physically. haha but that's mean.
and sarah think she's really fat! mostly because we were telling her straight in the face... haha i think she's just fine. i saw some other stickly girls the other day and they didn't really look huggable :) haha i think i'm too bored and getting stupid. back to dvds and playing jazz (my jazz playing sounds quite bearable on the piano! wonderful stuff)
6 December 2004
you know what? i give up! this is about time i rest from all the jazz schmazz :)
this weekend i've learnt about (and mastered some!) extended and altered chords, chord substituition, flat seventh and diminished chords, and skimmed on 'parallel chromatic movement' which is really just playing crap chords next to each other that don't really sound that nice. as is the case with playing diminished chords all over the house!
and i can almost keep track of all the inversions (somehow i remember the more complicated ones first! and forget the easy ones?!) halfway through the book after two weekends. actually more like a third through. tough stuff on the brain, man!
started off the day by going to church. my brother was actually on time! he was ready by 9.45am to go to church; he's only usually out at 10am. and he drove really slowly. i think he still has the jitters from his accident? maybe. poor guy. after service we had a briefing about cake giving where people in our church go around distributing some christmas spirit! by giving cakes to people all over the neighbourhood and the acs boarding school too. it was such a boring briefing anyway, i didnt pay attention. and karl fell asleep! until i woke him up. haha.
there was supposed to be this thing called 'youth jam' after church. it was sort of a hassle at first, because i was supposed to go substitute karl and it was all over at the third place. then at the last minute they said it was canceled! i didn't know whether to be happy or sad. because i canceled all my plans for the afternoon! so i had to go find lunch by myself; sarah (who think she's seriously obese - give me a break!) was eating with her folks and so was jeff, the rest of our cell group sort of disappeared. thank God for jon chan! he drove all the way to pick me up at acs and we went to beach road to eat and look at guitars. he's such a nice guy! plus he even sent me to coronation plaza cuz i wanted to cut hair. but he didn't stay to send me back after that though; ok on second thought that would sort of be too much to ask for aleady.
this weekend i've learnt about (and mastered some!) extended and altered chords, chord substituition, flat seventh and diminished chords, and skimmed on 'parallel chromatic movement' which is really just playing crap chords next to each other that don't really sound that nice. as is the case with playing diminished chords all over the house!
and i can almost keep track of all the inversions (somehow i remember the more complicated ones first! and forget the easy ones?!) halfway through the book after two weekends. actually more like a third through. tough stuff on the brain, man!
started off the day by going to church. my brother was actually on time! he was ready by 9.45am to go to church; he's only usually out at 10am. and he drove really slowly. i think he still has the jitters from his accident? maybe. poor guy. after service we had a briefing about cake giving where people in our church go around distributing some christmas spirit! by giving cakes to people all over the neighbourhood and the acs boarding school too. it was such a boring briefing anyway, i didnt pay attention. and karl fell asleep! until i woke him up. haha.
there was supposed to be this thing called 'youth jam' after church. it was sort of a hassle at first, because i was supposed to go substitute karl and it was all over at the third place. then at the last minute they said it was canceled! i didn't know whether to be happy or sad. because i canceled all my plans for the afternoon! so i had to go find lunch by myself; sarah (who think she's seriously obese - give me a break!) was eating with her folks and so was jeff, the rest of our cell group sort of disappeared. thank God for jon chan! he drove all the way to pick me up at acs and we went to beach road to eat and look at guitars. he's such a nice guy! plus he even sent me to coronation plaza cuz i wanted to cut hair. but he didn't stay to send me back after that though; ok on second thought that would sort of be too much to ask for aleady.
4 December 2004
oh he sees her so sadly
how can he tell her he loves her?
yes he would give his heart gladly
but each day she walks to the sea
she looks straight ahead, not at he
how can he tell her he loves her?
yes he would give his heart gladly
but each day she walks to the sea
she looks straight ahead, not at he
i just came back from 3 days of trench digging. dead tired, having almost dug (about 2/3s of) a mg trench and shellscrape by myself. and i only had a grand total of 4 sticks for the week. which was a real achievement :) thats what i normally have in an afternoon.
29 November 2004
my internet's pretty screwed up - i have to enable internet explorer to accept all cookies otherwise i wouldn't be able to access blogger. and my hotmail! can't even log in. tried over the weekend and last week but to no avail, either.
spent the weekend at costa sands for my church cell group chalet/outing thing. some of it was fun, some i thought pretty boring, some very down and stupid moments and an overall general mix. i can still remember it: sarah asked me to teach her guitar, just like she wrote on her card two years ago but then she could smell the smoke and went absolutely pissed out. but it was my fault; i never had the guts to tell her. i was too afraid, too arrogant to think about it that way. to think that she was really angry and disappointed, not that many people (in fact almost no one at all) would care enough to bother. and i feel like i've let down a good friend, so much like i've just destroyed a part of myself.
it's always been my nature but i really treasure good quality company, and hurting any single one of them hurts me just as much or maybe even more. that event at the chalet pretty much screwed up the rest of my already screwed weekend, but i feel that it's God in action, sorting out things that need straightening. so instead of fretting over distressing and troubled times, I'd just like to thank Him for watching over me, blessing me with such wonderful friends like her, no matter how far i really stray. amen
*********
i've sort of made a decision. max 3 sticks a day but if possible not at all. excludes clubbing. but the 3 is sort of like emergency stuff and no buying any packs at all. ok i'll see what happens one week from now. i'm dead serious! and don't say it's for him or her or this that. it's just for me.
spent the weekend at costa sands for my church cell group chalet/outing thing. some of it was fun, some i thought pretty boring, some very down and stupid moments and an overall general mix. i can still remember it: sarah asked me to teach her guitar, just like she wrote on her card two years ago but then she could smell the smoke and went absolutely pissed out. but it was my fault; i never had the guts to tell her. i was too afraid, too arrogant to think about it that way. to think that she was really angry and disappointed, not that many people (in fact almost no one at all) would care enough to bother. and i feel like i've let down a good friend, so much like i've just destroyed a part of myself.
it's always been my nature but i really treasure good quality company, and hurting any single one of them hurts me just as much or maybe even more. that event at the chalet pretty much screwed up the rest of my already screwed weekend, but i feel that it's God in action, sorting out things that need straightening. so instead of fretting over distressing and troubled times, I'd just like to thank Him for watching over me, blessing me with such wonderful friends like her, no matter how far i really stray. amen
*********
i've sort of made a decision. max 3 sticks a day but if possible not at all. excludes clubbing. but the 3 is sort of like emergency stuff and no buying any packs at all. ok i'll see what happens one week from now. i'm dead serious! and don't say it's for him or her or this that. it's just for me.
25 November 2004
i'm so bored today. been visiting tons of people's blogs; i organised a sort of sequence in internet explorer's 'favourites' menu so all i have to do is click click click and it'll be done! haha i'm getting so incredibly lazy. then went around violating people's privcy by searching through stuff like emails and chat logs. it's really so cool what you can dig up nowadays just using the computer.
i looked at william chan's msn picture and saw this picture of a girl sitting on his lap and i went thinking, hey! how come he has a chiobu sitting on his lap. then i realised it was jianing. haha. maybe the camera got some special effects or what.
my mood's been getting incredibly lackadaisical this past few days, probably because i'm still sick. my nose is all runny and that. i should quit! haha ok actually it's not that simple. once i tried going all the way down to 3-4 sticks and today zero (i'm sick so that's not counted). haha arghhhhhhhh
and i owe wei kiong money (he's a real bastard when it comes to money, but then again i've owed him for like 2 months) sigh i guess i really have to try my bestest to return it to him tomorrow. that means getting pops to drive me all the way to coronation plaza and stopping by the atm (i can get a pack along the way. lol ok quit quit quit!)
tried downloading u2's new album, how to dismantle an atomic bomb. but all the files were corrupted, except one! the city of bright lights... which i swear was half corrupted because a website which reviewed the album said it had riffing quick strumming guitars on the background ala 'where the streets have no name' but all i heard was this pissing (yes!) sound in the backgroound. pfft! i guess this is what drives people people to buy real cds... for once.
haha music industry in korea apparently's been hit really bad. music sales down by 95%! i really pity the poor guys who run these stalls, but perhaps the pity's not really up there yet. sigh i'll have to go look for a shop which sells the album cheap!
i looked at william chan's msn picture and saw this picture of a girl sitting on his lap and i went thinking, hey! how come he has a chiobu sitting on his lap. then i realised it was jianing. haha. maybe the camera got some special effects or what.
my mood's been getting incredibly lackadaisical this past few days, probably because i'm still sick. my nose is all runny and that. i should quit! haha ok actually it's not that simple. once i tried going all the way down to 3-4 sticks and today zero (i'm sick so that's not counted). haha arghhhhhhhh
and i owe wei kiong money (he's a real bastard when it comes to money, but then again i've owed him for like 2 months) sigh i guess i really have to try my bestest to return it to him tomorrow. that means getting pops to drive me all the way to coronation plaza and stopping by the atm (i can get a pack along the way. lol ok quit quit quit!)
tried downloading u2's new album, how to dismantle an atomic bomb. but all the files were corrupted, except one! the city of bright lights... which i swear was half corrupted because a website which reviewed the album said it had riffing quick strumming guitars on the background ala 'where the streets have no name' but all i heard was this pissing (yes!) sound in the backgroound. pfft! i guess this is what drives people people to buy real cds... for once.
haha music industry in korea apparently's been hit really bad. music sales down by 95%! i really pity the poor guys who run these stalls, but perhaps the pity's not really up there yet. sigh i'll have to go look for a shop which sells the album cheap!
23 November 2004
I'm sick today. Down with a fever :( was supposed to see the doctor on sunday, but the fever subsided and i decided (regrettably) to return to camp for the next day's GPMG live firing. Have this really neither-here-nor-there kind of fever that's really annoying. But still, got a few days off from my PC (he's nice. haha) so i'm back home now. Before i booked out of camp, i checked my mail and guess what!
haha. she replied!! :) :) :) :) :) just seeing that name in my inbox kinda made my day. don't get me wrong, i don't like her at all. it's almost like having found a long lost friend. which feels wonderful :)
From: "Nikki Chan" <----@hotmail.com>
To: capt_crispy@hotmail.com
Subject: RE:
Date: Sun, 21 Nov 2004 13:21:01 +0000
haha. she replied!! :) :) :) :) :) just seeing that name in my inbox kinda made my day. don't get me wrong, i don't like her at all. it's almost like having found a long lost friend. which feels wonderful :)
22 November 2004
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart) i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear; and everything that is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of the tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder which keeps the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true) and it's whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of the tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide) and this is the wonder which keeps the starts apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
21 November 2004
Somehow I didn't do much at all today, but still spent a whole load of cash :(
Went to the motorshow at suntec. I really don't know anything about cars at all, so the only thing I enjoyed was the Ferrari and Lamboughini, and Porsche(sp?) models. Really wayy beyond any budget I'll ever have in this lifetime, though! Went around taking pictures with all the showgirls; who I decided happen to have one of the worst jobs around. They all look so tired and bored, standing with this false, forced pose and smile, while at the same time being mentally violated by all the guys around. They must've been pretty desperate for money, but it's bad to make associations :(
Went to buy Diana's present too, because it's her birthday today! But I can't reveal what it is over here of course. It's something to do with music, that's all I'm saying!
After that went to Samual & Kevin, because they were selling really cheap jeans. The cut just really wasn't right at all though, maybe my balls are just too big. Haha. Then debated with jon about where to go for dinner; in the end we went to Spizza at holland v. We happened to meet Linda and Sam there, which was a real surprise! I though she'd be in Australia. Went for a 'drink' with them at some bar nearby but Jon and I were really extra so we just left halfway. Jon was driving half way home when Kai Ting decided to call to tell us that they might be going out. But we were halfway home! Screwed it, so I went over to Jon's house to hang for a while watching the vids on his computer (some stupid, some steamyexciting, some really boring). Blah blah and now I'm back here at home, dead tired even though I didn't do anything much today at all except wake up early! Why wake up when all you do is go back to sleep later? :P
I'm beat, gonna zzzzzzzz.
Went to the motorshow at suntec. I really don't know anything about cars at all, so the only thing I enjoyed was the Ferrari and Lamboughini, and Porsche(sp?) models. Really wayy beyond any budget I'll ever have in this lifetime, though! Went around taking pictures with all the showgirls; who I decided happen to have one of the worst jobs around. They all look so tired and bored, standing with this false, forced pose and smile, while at the same time being mentally violated by all the guys around. They must've been pretty desperate for money, but it's bad to make associations :(
Went to buy Diana's present too, because it's her birthday today! But I can't reveal what it is over here of course. It's something to do with music, that's all I'm saying!
After that went to Samual & Kevin, because they were selling really cheap jeans. The cut just really wasn't right at all though, maybe my balls are just too big. Haha. Then debated with jon about where to go for dinner; in the end we went to Spizza at holland v. We happened to meet Linda and Sam there, which was a real surprise! I though she'd be in Australia. Went for a 'drink' with them at some bar nearby but Jon and I were really extra so we just left halfway. Jon was driving half way home when Kai Ting decided to call to tell us that they might be going out. But we were halfway home! Screwed it, so I went over to Jon's house to hang for a while watching the vids on his computer (some stupid, some steamyexciting, some really boring). Blah blah and now I'm back here at home, dead tired even though I didn't do anything much today at all except wake up early! Why wake up when all you do is go back to sleep later? :P
I'm beat, gonna zzzzzzzz.
17 November 2004
It's been a year and a half, or two years really, and I still think of her, miss her. Couldn't really sleep last night; I just sat there and smoked my life away, as if she really were part of me and I was just trying to kill it off.
Army sucks. DS today, woke up so damn early. At least the weekend is drawing near
Army sucks. DS today, woke up so damn early. At least the weekend is drawing near
Running
This is bad, my running is getting worse. I ran 5.5km in 25 minutes. Ok so the guideline is 4-5 minutes per km. I should have run it in 22minutes! Whew at least it's not as bad as I though; it's still within the limit. But I was so tired!
Die die too much drinks sticks sleep too little exercise! At least hari raya puasa is here already - I'm gonna drag my men to go train with me! Haha share the pain, folks.
Die die too much drinks sticks sleep too little exercise! At least hari raya puasa is here already - I'm gonna drag my men to go train with me! Haha share the pain, folks.
Today was a weird day. Weird as in, I felt unfinished, as if something was missing. Then again, I didn't really achieve anything today (except watch the Incredibles, if you call that an achievement!) Went to church, but was mainly in a daze throughout the sermon. Our cell did ushering (we 'remembered' at literally the last minute), after that in class we just stoned for pretty much the whole session. It felt like a real waste of time! But at least I got to see friends.
After church, our cell group again decided to go out. But I really wanted to eat oyster ommeletet! In the end, ended up following my folks over to Longhouse at Thomson Road. Had char kway teow and the raw fish thingy and oyster ommelette, which really wasn't very nice at all.
Got my dad to send me to orchard (they went shopping at tangs) and met up with sarah wayne karl val and sandy. Sandy's the new one, so haha I don't really know her at all. Sarah said they just invited themselves along... well any company is still company in my opinion :) Incredibles was... incredibly funny! Haha sorry for the lack of creativity/imagination; it was a decent show la.
Diana said "I'm in love with a pile of pang sai!" Hah call me immature, but that line just cracks me up when said aloud. It's the general retardedness of the line and perhaps my queer not-so-humourous sense of humour mixed together at work.
Ok, my blogs are getting more narrated, going on and on about everyday events when they really should be about other things. Somehow my blogs were never about daily events but about letting out feelings that people just don't see at all. Know what this means? I'm getting Stupid! Arghhhhhhhh
After church, our cell group again decided to go out. But I really wanted to eat oyster ommeletet! In the end, ended up following my folks over to Longhouse at Thomson Road. Had char kway teow and the raw fish thingy and oyster ommelette, which really wasn't very nice at all.
Got my dad to send me to orchard (they went shopping at tangs) and met up with sarah wayne karl val and sandy. Sandy's the new one, so haha I don't really know her at all. Sarah said they just invited themselves along... well any company is still company in my opinion :) Incredibles was... incredibly funny! Haha sorry for the lack of creativity/imagination; it was a decent show la.
Diana said "I'm in love with a pile of pang sai!" Hah call me immature, but that line just cracks me up when said aloud. It's the general retardedness of the line and perhaps my queer not-so-humourous sense of humour mixed together at work.
Ok, my blogs are getting more narrated, going on and on about everyday events when they really should be about other things. Somehow my blogs were never about daily events but about letting out feelings that people just don't see at all. Know what this means? I'm getting Stupid! Arghhhhhhhh
13 November 2004
Yesterday was clubbing night! Okay, normally I don't club that much (haven't gone clubbing in the past 3 months save wednesday - Jon dragged me to chinablack-zouk-rouge), so this week was a chance to just let loose over the long 'holiday' break. And surprisingly, it was fun. I mean, really fun! Although it was a tad too crowded. You literally have to squeeze between people to get from point to point. Wasn't that bad at first because of all the chiobus trying to squeeze around (haha) but later end it got really irritating. Had a couple too many drinks and a couple too many sticks.
Also, this army friend of mine brought some of his friends. And one of them was this really beautiful, pretty, wonderful, totally out-of-this world girl. Haha she looked so good! Fortunately she didn't act like one of those airheads. Man, even Jon was going all mad. And she had this perfect smile that would make people melt sighhhhhhhhhhh. To think that I never got around to even asking for her name! Somebody, please slap/punch/stab me.
Can't forget that smile. Haha I think I'm mad. Better close all the grilles and lock all the windows!
Also, this army friend of mine brought some of his friends. And one of them was this really beautiful, pretty, wonderful, totally out-of-this world girl. Haha she looked so good! Fortunately she didn't act like one of those airheads. Man, even Jon was going all mad. And she had this perfect smile that would make people melt sighhhhhhhhhhh. To think that I never got around to even asking for her name! Somebody, please slap/punch/stab me.
Can't forget that smile. Haha I think I'm mad. Better close all the grilles and lock all the windows!
12 November 2004
I just got Jon's Guitar Port to work with my recording software! It's great; I've never had such good recording quality at all so far. Now I'm debating whether to buy the Digitech GNX 4, as in, all $1400 of it. Sounds mighty expensive for something that might not be that useful after all - recording away from the computer. Kind of realised that the Korg PXR4 and other portable digital recorders do pretty much the same thing, although not as diverse as the Digitech is advertised to be.
Anyway to sum that up, I recorded the intro to SRV's Lenny one afternoon to check out the sound quality. Pretty nice!
Christine's a real procrastinator! She told me on wednesday that she was free that night and on the thursday, and it's now friday and she's telling me that she has another class event on saturday! Oh well. I was supposed to go clubbing on saturday night with my friends (I think I still am) and was betting with Diana that Christine wouldn't follow me clubbing on saturday. Well, I guess we don't have to bet anymore!
It doesn't really bug me that she keeps delaying -even though it's bad manners. I don't like her in that way, despite how much this stupid Sarah insists.
Anyway to sum that up, I recorded the intro to SRV's Lenny one afternoon to check out the sound quality. Pretty nice!
Christine's a real procrastinator! She told me on wednesday that she was free that night and on the thursday, and it's now friday and she's telling me that she has another class event on saturday! Oh well. I was supposed to go clubbing on saturday night with my friends (I think I still am) and was betting with Diana that Christine wouldn't follow me clubbing on saturday. Well, I guess we don't have to bet anymore!
It doesn't really bug me that she keeps delaying -even though it's bad manners. I don't like her in that way, despite how much this stupid Sarah insists.
11 November 2004
Urgh this was so irritating. I couldn't log in to my blogger for the past week, because I though my browser was screwed up. Turns out, the browser cookies have to be set to the lowest setting otherwise i wouldn't be able to log in! Pfft
4 November 2004
Ok I happened to do QT yesterday (miracles happen!) and since I didn't have the November edition of Everyday with Jesus, which is my devotion guide, I used last month's one and flipped back to Wednesday. The verse which really helped me was to the tune of 'Seek first His kingdom and his righteousneous, and all these things will be given unto you. so don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. each day has enough truoble of it's own'
How very true!
How very true!
I have COS duty on Sunday. It seems this week as if my once wonderfully slack army life has become a slave's nightmare; task after task to do, people telling me to help our over here and do this over there. I was awoken at 5am on a Monday morning because my platoon had no one assigned as the duty specialist, thus giving me the honourable task. I went to the office at 8 at saw my name listed for this coming Sunday's COS office duty, and at 8.30 the sergeant major told me that I had guard duty that night! And half an hour later my friends accused me of being oh so totally slack! Life's unfair at times; in my case, almost all the time!
After spending the past two days fretting and whining over the recent spate of incredibly bad luck, I have resigned to accepting my fate. I've been trying really hard to change my Sunday duty to a Saturday one, despite the longer hours. So happens that the guy who could take over my Sunday duty went on medical leave! But he's back tonight, so I'll check with him soon. Really hope he accepts it.
Maybe these are the kind of events that God uses to try to change me for the better. Especially on a Monday morning, when Sunday's sermon was about talking to God and never giving up. It's these unbelievable coincidental incidences that somehow move me but I must be really one tough boulder, because even I know that I'm not moving enough. Well, just gotta try to keep trying (is there even such a thing?)
After spending the past two days fretting and whining over the recent spate of incredibly bad luck, I have resigned to accepting my fate. I've been trying really hard to change my Sunday duty to a Saturday one, despite the longer hours. So happens that the guy who could take over my Sunday duty went on medical leave! But he's back tonight, so I'll check with him soon. Really hope he accepts it.
Maybe these are the kind of events that God uses to try to change me for the better. Especially on a Monday morning, when Sunday's sermon was about talking to God and never giving up. It's these unbelievable coincidental incidences that somehow move me but I must be really one tough boulder, because even I know that I'm not moving enough. Well, just gotta try to keep trying (is there even such a thing?)
23 October 2004
I have this friend (perhaps more of an aquaintance now) who resides in Australia. She comes online ever so often in MSN with these riduculous names with such utterly horrible grammar, coupled with many irrelevant symbols (such as quaver notes and stars and moons) - so out of place that it's so disgustingly irritating yet amusing at the same time. Every time she comes online I can't help but go... ARGHHHHHH
I'm playing for church worship tomorrow! I'm incredibly excited, maybe not so much by the fact that I'm serving but that I'll be performing onstage with my sunburst LP and a Line6 floorpedal! Everyone has to start somewhere, even if it's for all the wrong reasons. But I tell myself that I'll try to make them right somehow, one day, and soon. It does seem like I've been trying ever so long, in the same way that William Hung tries to improve his interesting singing styles.
I was thinking of how weird it was to end this entry with the above paragraph, but I couldn't care less anyway.
I'm playing for church worship tomorrow! I'm incredibly excited, maybe not so much by the fact that I'm serving but that I'll be performing onstage with my sunburst LP and a Line6 floorpedal! Everyone has to start somewhere, even if it's for all the wrong reasons. But I tell myself that I'll try to make them right somehow, one day, and soon. It does seem like I've been trying ever so long, in the same way that William Hung tries to improve his interesting singing styles.
I was thinking of how weird it was to end this entry with the above paragraph, but I couldn't care less anyway.
15 October 2004
My internet is going nuts. I have retreated to the safety of my laptop computer; the desktop is just way out of control. It hangs up everytime the computer detects the internet connection! I have no idea what's wrong, but it'll settle itself anyhow. That's how it is with my computer... It's self-help at it's most queer state.
Whitled away most of my day (which was unexpectedly spent out of camp) in the comfort of my own home. Played a computer game - Rome: Total War, where the player controls a Roman faction and through war and diplomacy tries to conquer the whole of Europe (and some of it's surrounding nations). In my mind, I'm thinking - God, what a way to waste a perfectly good day.
Ok, this is really illogical babble but my mind works like that nowadays. Just like my computer. Hmm.
Whitled away most of my day (which was unexpectedly spent out of camp) in the comfort of my own home. Played a computer game - Rome: Total War, where the player controls a Roman faction and through war and diplomacy tries to conquer the whole of Europe (and some of it's surrounding nations). In my mind, I'm thinking - God, what a way to waste a perfectly good day.
Ok, this is really illogical babble but my mind works like that nowadays. Just like my computer. Hmm.
10 October 2004
It's that time of the day when I have to book in again. And I wonder, do I really ever write anything else in this blog except events related to the tradgedy that is our army? It's probably this subtle mental thing, that I have to have one last go at the computer before leaving for what is in essence 5 days of boredom, unhappiness and overall dissatisfaction. Army shouldn't be that bad, but in retrospect, I think it is!!
Now I'm going mad, doing what I've just said in the former paragraph: downloading and transfering tons and tons of songs from my computer to my iPod. Ah, the wonderful beauty of music!
I have to get a list of this goodness up here soon! Just wait.
Now I'm going mad, doing what I've just said in the former paragraph: downloading and transfering tons and tons of songs from my computer to my iPod. Ah, the wonderful beauty of music!
I have to get a list of this goodness up here soon! Just wait.
2 October 2004
Ok, so I failed my first goal so far. I didn't even touch my bible, which is a really really bad thing. I didn't have time to touch on the rest of my goals, like playing guitar, the triathlon or studying, but those weren't really important anyway.
I did lose $275 so far though, because of PSG! Wah lao lah that stupid team. Nevermind, it's Arsenal vs some not very good team tonight; I forgot the specifics. An army friend of mine introduced me to this stupid system, which is... sigh would one call it a turn for the worst? Bah
I did lose $275 so far though, because of PSG! Wah lao lah that stupid team. Nevermind, it's Arsenal vs some not very good team tonight; I forgot the specifics. An army friend of mine introduced me to this stupid system, which is... sigh would one call it a turn for the worst? Bah
26 September 2004
Goal setting is what gets things done in life, so here are some of mine:
1) Read my bible every day etc for the entire month of October(in other words, be a good christian)
2) Be able to play by ear guitar chords and improve my guitar skills by December.
3) Train for a triathlon. But I'll only get my bike down under in Aussie, so I'll settle for biathlon standards. So far I'll keep it at 1km swim, 10km run and work up to that.
4) Start studying. Sad but true! I went to church this morning and tried some of Sarah's J1 chemistry and F maths questions. It's amazing how stupid you feel when you know that 9 months ago, I'd be able to finish all those questions in no time, and now I can't even remember the reaction between propene and bromine (in aq. or inert... huh?!??!?!)
5) Save at least half my allowance of $750. Money is a bad, so I've been getting rid of all my money by spending it :) It felt good, by the way...
1) Read my bible every day etc for the entire month of October(in other words, be a good christian)
2) Be able to play by ear guitar chords and improve my guitar skills by December.
3) Train for a triathlon. But I'll only get my bike down under in Aussie, so I'll settle for biathlon standards. So far I'll keep it at 1km swim, 10km run and work up to that.
4) Start studying. Sad but true! I went to church this morning and tried some of Sarah's J1 chemistry and F maths questions. It's amazing how stupid you feel when you know that 9 months ago, I'd be able to finish all those questions in no time, and now I can't even remember the reaction between propene and bromine (in aq. or inert... huh?!??!?!)
5) Save at least half my allowance of $750. Money is a bad, so I've been getting rid of all my money by spending it :) It felt good, by the way...
jane came back without telling me! this is outrageous! i'll have to BBQ her and eat her for brunch... grrr.
Maybe it's just my own mind spinning wildly out of control, but I feel like i'm living life with something missing. I don't know what, but it just feels... missing. I think it's just plain people like me who have way too much free time. And i think it's laziness. You know how sometimes you really feel like doing something, but reckon that it's too much of a hassle just doing that something. I want to practice my photography, my music, read more books, sleep more... Well I guess the last one takes priority over all the rest. Hmm. Yeah, I guess that's how I feel.
wah lao i wrote an entry about how lazy i am. what am i doing!!?!?! i think i'm growing stupid too. wait, can you grow stupid?? ahhh
Maybe it's just my own mind spinning wildly out of control, but I feel like i'm living life with something missing. I don't know what, but it just feels... missing. I think it's just plain people like me who have way too much free time. And i think it's laziness. You know how sometimes you really feel like doing something, but reckon that it's too much of a hassle just doing that something. I want to practice my photography, my music, read more books, sleep more... Well I guess the last one takes priority over all the rest. Hmm. Yeah, I guess that's how I feel.
wah lao i wrote an entry about how lazy i am. what am i doing!!?!?! i think i'm growing stupid too. wait, can you grow stupid?? ahhh
you know what? today is saturday, and a really shitty saturday at that. but i shan't bother to record it, i mean, who wants to remember the bad times?
sometimes i don't know why i lie for. like a few seconds ago, i lied that my sister in law was studying in australia, when actually i meant her sis. and so it went on and on from there because i was too lazy to exlpain the truth. hhaha, is that dumb or is that dumb. sigh
5 September 2004
i read a blog of diana's friend; it was this sappy romantic story which happened to be true - her fantasy turned into her reality. and it made me damnnnnn super sad but at the same time a little bitty happy. bah
29 August 2004
i'm now a 3rd sergeant! but it doesn't feel any different at all. finally good riddance to those early book-ins and busy schedules. and more money! yes, exactly what i need!
saving up to buy:
digitech gnx4 guitar workstation $1600
line6 variax 700 (maybe) $1400
so... that means no more clubbing, no more shopping, no more going out. bah!
saving up to buy:
digitech gnx4 guitar workstation $1600
line6 variax 700 (maybe) $1400
so... that means no more clubbing, no more shopping, no more going out. bah!
21 August 2004
sometimes i don't know what my mom wants. she complains about how she never gets to use the computer and everytime i'm done and offer her dozens of chances to use it, she refuses. what the heck, man.
17 August 2004
i'm back from taiwan :)
under normal conditions, i would call this a -wasted- bookout. i didn't do anything at all! not even strum my guitar. all i did was sit around with my mind on the verge of falling asleep. it was really weird, i was so extremely sleepy all day that no matter how much sleep i put in, it was never enough!
ok when is sleep ever enough anyway?
and i'm still really sleepy... i was eating supper just now at 11pm but i woke half way through the night at 3am to finish it up because i fell asleep sitting down on the chair! the beer tasted really bad after sitting for 4 hours... yuck
i bought a book in taiwan titled 'a home at the end of the world'. i didn't know; they're turning it into a movie! with collin farrel or what... hmm.
ah for now, back to sleep :)
under normal conditions, i would call this a -wasted- bookout. i didn't do anything at all! not even strum my guitar. all i did was sit around with my mind on the verge of falling asleep. it was really weird, i was so extremely sleepy all day that no matter how much sleep i put in, it was never enough!
ok when is sleep ever enough anyway?
and i'm still really sleepy... i was eating supper just now at 11pm but i woke half way through the night at 3am to finish it up because i fell asleep sitting down on the chair! the beer tasted really bad after sitting for 4 hours... yuck
i bought a book in taiwan titled 'a home at the end of the world'. i didn't know; they're turning it into a movie! with collin farrel or what... hmm.
ah for now, back to sleep :)
25 July 2004
went out with ting (whom everyone else calls qian ting/kelly/alex) yesterday. ok, maybe it's just my fixed perception of certain types of people, but she's one person i'll have to try really hard to like. not that she's not nice or anything... it's just the feeling that "i can never like this person". for one, she speaks lots of chinese! chinese is obviously her better language, so having to try to comprehend those sudden short spouts of chinese phrases in a conversation usually leaves me pretty clueless. especially the chen2 yu3 and chinese jokes/riddles! i think i really need to study chinese one day. yes that's it - it's the cultural barrier. which is really weird, considering that this is Only Singapore.
but i don't like her anyway, so it doesn't really matter (but don't tell anyone i said that).
but i don't like her anyway, so it doesn't really matter (but don't tell anyone i said that).
24 July 2004
it's been a while since i've been home!
ok, i was going to say something about how bad army is and how it takes away all my free time and how i really hate it but enough of that already :)
i went to estelle's party last week, which was not that bad. turned out that it was the only time that i finally managed to meet almost-all of my aussie friends! which was really great.
i miss aussie a lot, but at the same time, not at all. the freedom to do whatever i want, the way i want, as and when i want - that's something to really treasure. so you see, i've actually got all these things right here at home, now that my mom finally thinks that i'm old enough to help myself. but i miss all my friends, and almostall of the best ones are in australia. i think it's something to do with living with them; my dependence on them has emotionally attached me strongly. the good times, the bad times, the funny times and the times where we just waste the day away together out of pure boredom really will never leave me.
call me patriotic if you will, but i actually really love singapore a lot. many people are overly critical, but i've been really fortunate, having visited countless countries all over the world. but the familiarity and the years of my life here don't want me to go back to australia. over the past weeks i've been thinking of where to study, and of what to study in the coming years, and so far it's boiled down to between singapore and melbourne. my parents are bugging me to try for medicine in that irish university, but no, i don't want to. now i'm not even sure if i want to do medicine anymore. or biomed. maybe business? or engineering? i never imagined that i would ever be able to cope with those areas, but just by saying 'no' do many people limit their options.
for now though, i'm still going back to australia, and i'm still going to do 3 years of biomed, and i'm still going to study like mad and i'm still going to try to apply for post grad medicine in nus. for now :)
i'm really happy, because i've finally gotten myself to start reading the bible. and to start praying, and to do it for more than 1 day a week (or month or year or years) other than sunday. so for this week, i did my mini-qt about 4 times, 3 of which were consecutive days :) i love my God :)
ok, i was going to say something about how bad army is and how it takes away all my free time and how i really hate it but enough of that already :)
i went to estelle's party last week, which was not that bad. turned out that it was the only time that i finally managed to meet almost-all of my aussie friends! which was really great.
i miss aussie a lot, but at the same time, not at all. the freedom to do whatever i want, the way i want, as and when i want - that's something to really treasure. so you see, i've actually got all these things right here at home, now that my mom finally thinks that i'm old enough to help myself. but i miss all my friends, and almostall of the best ones are in australia. i think it's something to do with living with them; my dependence on them has emotionally attached me strongly. the good times, the bad times, the funny times and the times where we just waste the day away together out of pure boredom really will never leave me.
call me patriotic if you will, but i actually really love singapore a lot. many people are overly critical, but i've been really fortunate, having visited countless countries all over the world. but the familiarity and the years of my life here don't want me to go back to australia. over the past weeks i've been thinking of where to study, and of what to study in the coming years, and so far it's boiled down to between singapore and melbourne. my parents are bugging me to try for medicine in that irish university, but no, i don't want to. now i'm not even sure if i want to do medicine anymore. or biomed. maybe business? or engineering? i never imagined that i would ever be able to cope with those areas, but just by saying 'no' do many people limit their options.
for now though, i'm still going back to australia, and i'm still going to do 3 years of biomed, and i'm still going to study like mad and i'm still going to try to apply for post grad medicine in nus. for now :)
i'm really happy, because i've finally gotten myself to start reading the bible. and to start praying, and to do it for more than 1 day a week (or month or year or years) other than sunday. so for this week, i did my mini-qt about 4 times, 3 of which were consecutive days :) i love my God :)
14 July 2004
initially i was too lazy to even write this post, but somehow eudora convinced me that i should record down my good and bad memories. so that one day it'll be sweet (or bitter or sour or salty) to eventually read them again. a while ago i was too lazy to even go that far for a bunch of memories. so don't blame me if this post is a little bland because i'm too lazy yet still bothered enough ok what am i saying wahatsdfs
today i chao kenged and got out from army! i woke up and didn't really feel like having anything to do with army, so when the learnee platoon sergeant asked who wanted to report sick, i eventually sounded out (again, i almost didn't, and again out of pure laziness).
i reported sick for nausea and having an injured knee cap (yeah right!). the nausea was for real, but it was because i had too many cans of mountain dew the day before. to my surprise, the doc gave me permission to go home (doctors are the best) and i was out of there before you can say 'lets go home!'
did a bunch of things today that i have never had the time for. updated a new photo album, took a bunch of pictures, read a few magazines and browsed a book store and supermarket.
damn i miss being out of army :)
today's photos
today i chao kenged and got out from army! i woke up and didn't really feel like having anything to do with army, so when the learnee platoon sergeant asked who wanted to report sick, i eventually sounded out (again, i almost didn't, and again out of pure laziness).
i reported sick for nausea and having an injured knee cap (yeah right!). the nausea was for real, but it was because i had too many cans of mountain dew the day before. to my surprise, the doc gave me permission to go home (doctors are the best) and i was out of there before you can say 'lets go home!'
did a bunch of things today that i have never had the time for. updated a new photo album, took a bunch of pictures, read a few magazines and browsed a book store and supermarket.
damn i miss being out of army :)
today's photos
20 June 2004
http://www.mezzoblue.com/zengarden/alldesigns/ makes me feel like making websites all over again
Thursday the 17th of June must be a very very bad day because a bird shat on my head. Geez how much worse can it get!
15 June 2004
It is now three days past my birthday, which was an event unfortunately not worth remembering. Although I usually do not like recording unpleasent memories, this is certainly an exception (Just in case I happen to one day think that life is crap, and through my depression chance upon this entry).
Passing out from a course (an army training course, mind you) is always a good and happy thing. Most of the time, anyway. Staying in Tekong for 6 months was already bad enough, but having to discover the news that I was going to spend another 3 more made my day a living nightmare. My new bunk was filled with gloom as bunk mates appeared on the verge of suicide (I kid you not!). Many of them were not the kind of people I was used with (mainly the shy quiet kind without tatoos who would shriek at the thought of laying a finger on anyone else with harmful intent), and my ignorance has already built a barrier between these strangers and I. To make matters worse, our company could only book out at 8pm, 3 hours after the earlier comany (we had to eat dinner in camp!). And as though my life was fated to be forever miserable, I was appointed among a few others for guard duty the next day (all 24 hours of it).
Fortunately, things went uphill from there :)
I got a card from fluff that day! You could never imagine my delight. Perhaps the most wonderful part of my birthday was reading that card (partly because it was also The Only Wonderful Event).
On Sunday, I bought some clothes and presents for Sarah's birthday, which I attended later in the evening. She has a very beautiful house; it's one of those condos which I truely would prefer to stay in than my semi-detached house. I went home to play IL-2: Forgotten Battles and discovered unsurprisingly how horrible I was at being a pilot, and following that joined The Sonnys for beer, coke, snacks and a night of TV.
Finally today I had a lavish family dinner at the Japanese Associations Akane where we drank lots of sake. My brother also gave me the Comple Photography Manual (ahh just what I need! Have you seen the photos?)
I'll just hope optimistically that Tuesday (The Book-In Day) just as good as today
This is perhaps the longest blog I have ever wrote! Come on, I deserve a medal :)
Passing out from a course (an army training course, mind you) is always a good and happy thing. Most of the time, anyway. Staying in Tekong for 6 months was already bad enough, but having to discover the news that I was going to spend another 3 more made my day a living nightmare. My new bunk was filled with gloom as bunk mates appeared on the verge of suicide (I kid you not!). Many of them were not the kind of people I was used with (mainly the shy quiet kind without tatoos who would shriek at the thought of laying a finger on anyone else with harmful intent), and my ignorance has already built a barrier between these strangers and I. To make matters worse, our company could only book out at 8pm, 3 hours after the earlier comany (we had to eat dinner in camp!). And as though my life was fated to be forever miserable, I was appointed among a few others for guard duty the next day (all 24 hours of it).
Fortunately, things went uphill from there :)
I got a card from fluff that day! You could never imagine my delight. Perhaps the most wonderful part of my birthday was reading that card (partly because it was also The Only Wonderful Event).
On Sunday, I bought some clothes and presents for Sarah's birthday, which I attended later in the evening. She has a very beautiful house; it's one of those condos which I truely would prefer to stay in than my semi-detached house. I went home to play IL-2: Forgotten Battles and discovered unsurprisingly how horrible I was at being a pilot, and following that joined The Sonnys for beer, coke, snacks and a night of TV.
Finally today I had a lavish family dinner at the Japanese Associations Akane where we drank lots of sake. My brother also gave me the Comple Photography Manual (ahh just what I need! Have you seen the photos?)
I'll just hope optimistically that Tuesday (The Book-In Day) just as good as today
This is perhaps the longest blog I have ever wrote! Come on, I deserve a medal :)
I just realised that there are many books that I have bought, yet have never gotten around to reading. An over-enthusiastic reader, or an impulse shopper, you decide.
Watched Charlie Kaufman's 'Endless Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' yesterday. It's probably the best movie I've watched this year. For many wonderful reasons :)
Somehow I never know what to say when I see her face. My mind goes blank, my vocal cords freeze up and I go into a daze. I want to talk to her about everything, about school and hobbies and favourite past times and life and the weather and the stars and how lovely she is. And billions of thoughts fly through my mind; should I have opened the door? are my clothes nice enough? are my clothes too nice? where do we eat dinner? should I pay for dinner? what are we going to do after dinner? and what about before the movie? should I tell to her about landslides and eclipses and red buttons that go boom when you press them? why does she like that young jazz singer who sings like he's 72?
Maybe I think too much :/
Watched Charlie Kaufman's 'Endless Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' yesterday. It's probably the best movie I've watched this year. For many wonderful reasons :)
Somehow I never know what to say when I see her face. My mind goes blank, my vocal cords freeze up and I go into a daze. I want to talk to her about everything, about school and hobbies and favourite past times and life and the weather and the stars and how lovely she is. And billions of thoughts fly through my mind; should I have opened the door? are my clothes nice enough? are my clothes too nice? where do we eat dinner? should I pay for dinner? what are we going to do after dinner? and what about before the movie? should I tell to her about landslides and eclipses and red buttons that go boom when you press them? why does she like that young jazz singer who sings like he's 72?
Maybe I think too much :/
2 June 2004
Just got back home from 3 weeks of confined army life. And I miss you more dearly with each passing day.
1 May 2004
Sheryl just told me msn to fuck off because I'm irritating, when I barely said a few lines? Maybe they were irritating, but I think she's just mad. Whatever lah.
I'm really tired but somehow my mind just doesn't feel like shutting off this instant, standing by my belief that book outs should never be wasted on unnecessary sleep. Now I'm just sitting in my chair stoning lifelessly at the screen, wondering about what to do next. Basically at this late hour of the night, and with the little money that I have (all .80c of it), there's nothing much to do but watch tv and play computer games. Which is probably whatI'm gonna do next.
I'm really tired but somehow my mind just doesn't feel like shutting off this instant, standing by my belief that book outs should never be wasted on unnecessary sleep. Now I'm just sitting in my chair stoning lifelessly at the screen, wondering about what to do next. Basically at this late hour of the night, and with the little money that I have (all .80c of it), there's nothing much to do but watch tv and play computer games. Which is probably whatI'm gonna do next.
25 April 2004
I just spent $500 on an 15GB iPod, thinking that I had $700 balance in my account. Too bad, I later found out that I only had $550! Of course I can't possibly spend every single dollar that I have; that would be against my practices. Shucks, so now I only have $2 to spend for the next two weeks!!! -cries-
Also, it's either that I'm really dumb, or that this thing is really damn hard to learn to use. Though it's most probably the former, I should think. I read the manual in and out about 3 times and had to ask Christine quite a lot (a lot a lot) of questions to figure it out. Haiyah!! -punches himself-
I have live firing tomorrow. Let's see, I'll be firing three rounds of subcalibre armbrust, and two m203 grenades. The range is all the way at the SAFTI MI range at Pasir Lebar (my camp is east singapore in tekong). Lots of sleepy time in the bus! :)yay
Also, it's either that I'm really dumb, or that this thing is really damn hard to learn to use. Though it's most probably the former, I should think. I read the manual in and out about 3 times and had to ask Christine quite a lot (a lot a lot) of questions to figure it out. Haiyah!! -punches himself-
I have live firing tomorrow. Let's see, I'll be firing three rounds of subcalibre armbrust, and two m203 grenades. The range is all the way at the SAFTI MI range at Pasir Lebar (my camp is east singapore in tekong). Lots of sleepy time in the bus! :)yay
18 April 2004
I'm constantly pondering whether to buy the Creative MuVo 4GB, the Phillips 1.5GB player, or the silver framed polarized Oakley sunglasses. All are nice to have, but neither are necessary. The good (or maybe bad?) thing is that they all cost the roughly the same, give or take $30-40, so that leaves cost out of the consideration factor. Decisions, decisions, decisions! Bah.
Just got back from this chocolate place, Max Brenner, at Esplanade with a couple of friends. This little cafe thing serves really good chocolate stuff!! The chocolate souffle is wonderful, and so is the suckao thingy. The latter is more of a ripoff novelty, being basically just a do-it-yourself shot of chocolate milk consiting of better chocolate chips. And it cost me $5.90! That's like what, a 5000000% profit margin??
It was amazing how similar this week's sispec army training was to school life. Days and days of lectures on all sorts of things, of course with the essential sleepy head bobbing. And tests! Lots and lots of tests, ranging from weapon technical handling to safety regulations to demolition characteristics. Very interesting, nontheless. :)
It was amazing how similar this week's sispec army training was to school life. Days and days of lectures on all sorts of things, of course with the essential sleepy head bobbing. And tests! Lots and lots of tests, ranging from weapon technical handling to safety regulations to demolition characteristics. Very interesting, nontheless. :)
11 April 2004
Went to church today for Easter service. It was quite enjoyable, and I actually understood what the sermon was about (aren't all Easter sermons the same, anyway?). Mike Cheong made some choc chip cookies together with his girlfriend; they actually tasted good! I guess you could name them choc chip cookies, topped with love. Haha, how lame.
Sheryl came over to hang out today. Should have gone out to Orchard!! But instead she claimed to be tired and sleepy, only to regret not having left for town later. Wasted, man. Have lots of stuff to buy. Need lots of clothes. I think wearing the same shirt to church every other week might not give others that much of a good impression.
Again, the sun was terrible today. You wouldn't imagine how sleepy I was the entire day. The feeling was good, though :) I like being sleepy and tired and having the opportunity to sleep when and how I want :) Good ol' days. Haha.
I need all these 'haha's to steer away my 'back-to-camp' blues. It sucks to be in the army, man.
Sheryl came over to hang out today. Should have gone out to Orchard!! But instead she claimed to be tired and sleepy, only to regret not having left for town later. Wasted, man. Have lots of stuff to buy. Need lots of clothes. I think wearing the same shirt to church every other week might not give others that much of a good impression.
Again, the sun was terrible today. You wouldn't imagine how sleepy I was the entire day. The feeling was good, though :) I like being sleepy and tired and having the opportunity to sleep when and how I want :) Good ol' days. Haha.
I need all these 'haha's to steer away my 'back-to-camp' blues. It sucks to be in the army, man.
10 April 2004
The weather is sooooo hot! I feel like falling alseep all the time, despite the fact that I've already slept quite a LOT today. Then I wake up and the weather takes its toll on me again, and back to sleep! What a waste of a bookout :S
Mom woke me up with a phone call at 9am today, to tell me that the sewing machine man was on his way! Wah lao, who works so early in the morning?!
I need to buy something... just can't figure out what it is! I remembered it for the whole of last night, and now it's completely just skipped outta my mind. Sucks, man! Hope it's not some army thing or else i'll get screwed. AGAIN!
Ah. Have no idea what to write. The weather's just too bad for anything to do with thinking. Haha, I pity the poor people who have to study with such crappy weather like this. I suppose that's what nights and early mornings are for, right?
Mom woke me up with a phone call at 9am today, to tell me that the sewing machine man was on his way! Wah lao, who works so early in the morning?!
I need to buy something... just can't figure out what it is! I remembered it for the whole of last night, and now it's completely just skipped outta my mind. Sucks, man! Hope it's not some army thing or else i'll get screwed. AGAIN!
Ah. Have no idea what to write. The weather's just too bad for anything to do with thinking. Haha, I pity the poor people who have to study with such crappy weather like this. I suppose that's what nights and early mornings are for, right?
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