i started this after christmas. the week between the new year. those days to do nothing and relax and not have to worry about anything. (i love that week.) i thought about christmas and why we just celebrated and i remembered a christmas a long time ago...

...the christmas i was in detroit as a missionary. at this particular christmas time, i was in an area that i had been in for 5 months. 5 months is a long time. 5 months riding a bike in a skirt is longer. (but i have some very funny memories on bikes in skirts. they still make me smile to think of them.) 5 months is familiar. friendly. warm. comfortable. easy.

word on the street was that there was a transfer coming along. yes, they came every month, but this month we begged our president to let me stay! what a great present to give to a sister. but, it wasn't about me that year. i forget sometimes...

and yes i got transferred. yes, it was maybe three days before christmas. and yes, i was feeling sorry for myself. very sorry. so sorry that on christmas eve i sat at the table in the little apartment and cried as i listened to my little brother tell me stories of his mission in idaho on cassette tape. i was in a new area with strangers in my inn. how un-christmas-y. i wanted to be surrounded by familiar and loved and known. i felt completely alone. sort of not possible as a missionary is commanded to never be alone. but i felt that way.

and then i went into my room and climbed into my very large closet all by myself and began speaking to my heavenly father on bended knee. crying how hard this was and how alone i felt and how sad i was. and how hard it was. hard. hard. hard.

and after i was done feeling the sorriness, i realized i needed to remember why i was in detroit. not to have fun with my fun, familiar last companion that i loved like a sister. not to hang with the coolest family ever on christmas eve. not to want to be with my brother in idaho, laughing together. i was here to share a gift that had been handed to me without much sacrifice. a gift my parents had given me as a baby. the truth, nestled in my heart to be giving to anyone, all, that wanted. and i knelt there speaking to my father in heaven and i knew i wasn't alone. never was. never will be. i felt loving, comforting, familiar arms envelope me. strong arms that assured me i was loved and taken care of and needed here in this new place.

my prayer was heard that night. i'll never forget it. i still think of those strong,comforting arms around me in my closet.

and i remembered those angels that proclaimed to the shepherds...fear not, for i bring you good tidings of great joy...

joy knowing that i was on the errand of angels. joy and comfort, feeling the love re-fill my heart. knowing that i still had important things to do. love my new companion. work hard to share this gift. help others find that star in heaven, directing them to christ.

and i know that if i hadn't been transferred, i wouldn't have had the need to crawl into my closet and pour out my soul to my heavenly father. my mission president gave to me a gift that will never fade, never fall apart, never be taken back. my gift of knowing a heavenly father that loves me, that hears me, that takes care of me and comforts me. always. even when i forget at times.

the year i almost ruined christmas or the year mom saved christmas

it was a wonderful eve. christmas eve always is. cooking filling the air. papers wrapping presents. sisters, children, parents, spouses. anticipation. quiet excitment. sister throwing up, sick with child. (this was a new addition to our tradition. summer is pregnant! yeah! summer is very sick. boo! she didn't even make christmas eve. we missed her much.)


my mom: "do you have the santa outfit?"
me: "of course."

i call chris just to make sure.

me: "hi hon. where are you?"
hon: "we are at the museum downtown. sorry i took the keys."
me: "that's ok. i don't need them. we did bring the santa suit didn't we? yes, we did. i remember seeing it in the car."
hon: "jayne, i don't think we did..."
me: "yes we did, i remember seeing it. when are you coming home?"
hon: "we have to leave at 6:30, right? i'll be home at 6:30."
me: "actually, you need to be home way before 6:30..."

all is well. tradition will continue. i'm almost positive we have the costume in the car. i know for a fact it was in the car as we drove away from sc. i do wish i had the keys to the car to make 100%sure...

chris comes home, i take the keys and head to the car.
chris, following me to the car: "i'm sure we don't have the santa suit."
me: "yes we do, i remember seeing it." this is being said as i'm opening up the back of the car.
the door slowly opens, and i'm sure it will be there.

none. gone. out of sight.

NO SANTA SUIT.

chris: "i wanted to make sure it was kept safe and neat, so i took it out of the car and hung it in the closet downstairs. at. my. parent's. house. in. powhatan."
me: "you took it out of the car? why?" i can't say anything else.

my mom: "do you have the santa suit?"
me: "no, it's in the closet in powhatan."
silence.

chris: "i can be back by 9..."(i love you more chris)

my dad: "jayne, where's the santa suit?"
me: "it's not here. it's in powhatan."
my dad: a bit shocked..."50 years of tradition..."
me crying.

now let's travel back in time some years ago. i don't know the exact year. but my mom- the rock. she's the one that gets things done. if you remember my earlier post about our tradition of my dad being santa for as long back as i can remember, you'll also remember how parties were planned and lots of fun was had sitting on santa's lap. as the years went by the party eventually made it's way to the cultural hall for the ward christmas parties. my mom, always aware, always knowing what needs to be done, had the bishop purchase a santa suit for the ward to keep in their activity closet for the years of christmas parties to come. always to have. always to be there. party night comes. costume is donned. party over. costume replaced neatly in box, waiting for next year's wishers.

little did my mom know that what she was really doing was saving christmas for the casillas family in the year 2008. the year the very fist great grandbaby would be sitting on santa's lap. the year jayne forgot to check the closet in powhatan for the santa suit.

Crazy week. Cooking. Preparing. Shopping. Wrapping. Arriving. Delivering. Performing.

Ceily sang to us, twice. Once at school. Once at church. Eddie tinkled the ivories for us once at church and rang some bells once at school.

Yesterday Lana and 20 of her fellow 1st graders, performed at school, a rendition of the Nutcracker. Clara, Godfather, Nutcracker, mice, reindeer...all there to entertain.


They did wonderfully and it was fun watching. We spent days before preparing. Each child made two life size puppets of each character. Lana was a mouse and a reindeer.

No pictures please.

Speaking of reindeer, Noah was seen walking the streets of Mount Pleasant as Rudolph. Earlier in the day his class performed carols around the school; each child with red nose and bells. Cute. Cute. Cute

More pictures please!

Today, Lana and Noah are seen clad in red covered pajamas. Each will be taking a ride on the Polar Express. I will too. I have to be in Lana's class in a few hours.

What is Chris doing? Well, he's doing what he's supposed to as a husband and dad. But, he's also surfing everyday. That's right, every day.

letter to santa as dictated by noah

Noah: "Mom, what are you doing?"

Me: "I'm writing Christmas cards."

Noah: "I need to write my letter to Santa, and I need to put it under the tree."

Dear Santa and Mrs. Claus and the Elf, Rudolf and Danger and Thrasher and all the Reindeer,

I like you soo much! I know what I want for Christmas and it's gonna be pretty awesome! I want a bell from your sleigh Santa. Yeah, really I do. And I also want that mini dinosaur and I want a long neck dinosaur. (But I don't know if it's a long neck 'cause it has 2 horns. Write a note for me, ok Santa, and tell me which dinosaur it is.) And I want one more action figure and a toy light saber that's Dark Vader's. That's not all I want for Christmas. I want a T.V. for my room. And I want my own room. And I also want a new puzzle. And I also want a new blanket and a new pillow. And a new book and new toy. And I also want a puppet stage and two puppets. And Ben 10. That 's all I want for Christmas Santa. And my friend Alex back from China. Ok, Santa?

Love,

Noah Christopher Thomas

p.s. I like everything. But not girls.

grandpa santa

As far back as I can remember, my dad has been Santa Claus. All dressed in red with white cascading down his neck, red-hued tones applied to nose and cheeks. When I was real young, maybe 6,7,8 our family would travel via car to the houses of friends on Christmas Eve. My mom would hand over her delicious cherry pudding with butter as sauce, and we would be welcomed in. I was always so excited because my friends were in for a treat. Santa would announce his arrival with loud ringing bells and then my friends would get to sit on his lap and get a present. My secret held firm. He, Santa, was really my dad.

But, before they saw Santa, my mom held her second gift to be handed over. An award. Tree judging was her specialty. Every house visited had a prize. But, every prize was different. My mom was a connoisseur of trees. She had been known to wait hours, in the early dawning mornings, bitter cold biting her toes and nose. Waiting for that perfect Blue Spruce, delivered from who knows where, to a mom that dreamed of Christmas trees past, wanting to bring them home again. Always beautiful.

After the other mom held firm to her awarded ribbon, the bells would ring and the children would scream. My Dad, my Santa, would come ho-ho-hoing carrying gifts retrieved from unlocked car trunks. The children sat on Santa's lap and gave him a hug and ripped open the gifts. We would chat, maybe have some hot chocolate, maybe a cookie or two, and then travel back to the car, eager to see our next tree and meet the waiting friends, anticipating Santa's gifts.

Later, as Santa's publicist just couldn't keep up with all the requests for appearances, grand parties were planned, and all the families would gather in one's cozy living room. Christmas caroling, crazy children running, awesome Christmas foods and cookies. Santa would ring his arrival again, year after year.


Then as our family grew with new babies and in-laws, we had our own private parties. Sometimes at home, sometimes in the cultural hall at church. Sometimes with invited guests, sometimes just family. We feast upon mexican food and a reading of the Christmas story told by St. Luke. Sometimes piano songs, one time a trumpet song. All times santa songs and Jingle Bells. This Grandpa Santa always rings his bells. Always has retrieved gift overflowing his bag. Always demanding hugs and kisses before the gift is given.


Just like me, my children love those Santa Christmas Eves. They always are quick to let me know that they know it's really Grandpa under those wigs, that's why they give him a kiss every year. They anticipate Christmas Eve with excitement and wonder. What will Santa give this year and will he really make them give him a kiss? Yes, a kiss is payment. No kiss. No gift.
A small price for such memories.

santa imposter

we know who you are

christmas angel

winged and white and haloed
and in many paintings very beautiful
all you know is how impossible it is
without them
Jacqueline Osherow

christmas past

2005

this was the year noah threw my camera to the floor and it broke. to pieces. i borrowed a friend's camera and didn't know how to use it very well. unbeknownst to me, i was recording trying to get one good picture of my children for our christmas card. it still makes me laugh. {pause the music below so you can hear}

santa's coming...

he's been spotted on the beach in south carolina.

christmas past

Chrismas 2004

It's that time a year again. Christmas! It's magical. It's fun. It's happiness. It's lovely. It's laughter. It's good. I've read my Christmas book {THE DAY THEY GAVE BABIES AWAY}. I've found fun Christmas music. I just finished cooking gingerbread men. I'm even contemplating decking my halls.


The decking part always comes slowly for me. We are never in our home at Christmas. We always go home. And I think: why should I pull everything out and then leave it, with no one to appreciate it's glory? But, then I remember that yes, I do have four children that enjoy this time a year, and yes, I do need to deck my halls. And yes, when it's done, we're all happy.


I'm the 3rd of 7 children. My children are 4 of 17 grandchildren. For years we have drawn names for gift exchanges. It's fun. Christmas morning comes and we gather and spend HOOOUUURRRRS exchanging 24 gifts plus extras for Ed and Jill {Mom and Dad}.
Well, this year we have come to our senses. We will not be exchanging gifts. We sat the children down on Monday and told them that they would not be receiving gifts from my family this year. After only a minute of shocked silence they asked why. The obvious question: What is the real meaning of Christmas? was asked. And then we discussed the importance of serving and helping others less fortunate.

This year Heifer International will receive our gift. We will buy a cow. And a goat. And some chickens. And a llama. And some sheep. And they will be given to families who need these animals to sustain themselves. Eggs will provide zinc and iron. Milk will provide sustenance and income. Wool will provide clothing and income. Goats and sheep will multiply and will be passed on to other families. Each generation will multiply, impacting communities for generations to come. I'm excited writing about it. My children are excited to participate. I hope this will help them to experience a bit of gratitude and service this Christmas season.

Then when Christmas morning arrives and the Casillas Clan gathers, we will bring the best White Elephant gift ever {found in each home, no money spending allowed!} and laugh and remember this Christmas morning as the first of many when giving was more fun than receiving.


Cousins - 2004

so....

yesterday Chris complained and explained that the sleeping with two extra bodies in our bed was just not cool. He was over it and he was going to forbid the night stalkers to ever enter our bed again. I agreed after saying he couldn't use the word forbid. So we took the guilty to lunch and broke the news.

They really didn't care.

Last night I slept with Lana in her comfy bed and Noah was alseep, in our bed, on Chris' side, all night long.

these two...

...are killing me. last night they kicked me out of bed. i have been offering dollars to those who stay in bed all night long. no money takers yet. i usually don't notice {they do this a lot you see}, but last night the face hitting and feet kicking and pillow stealing was just too much.
i had to move...into lana's bed. wow. she has a comfy bed. really comfy. maybe i'll have to crawl into bed with lana every single night instead.