The Mp3 Experiment Twenty
4 months ago
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
HNT - Favorite
I am chosing my very first HNT pic as my favorite. There are a number of reason behind this. But the main reason is it was the beginning - from there a lot has started to change.
For example, how I view myself: Did you know that I am not a fat cow? I am not a clod of dirt? Some days I look a wee bit better than average? I may at times even turn a head or two? I am worthy, and deserve more. I didn't know that. At all. Not until this first pic.
My state of mind: Through this space I have had the ability to spill some things. Looking back I have been like a yo-yo since May. Dang, one day I am up the other way down. Through this I realize there are some things I am not quite happy with about me and my life. I am now working on a way to slowly change these.
Finally: I am chosing this picture because it is through this forum , which basically started with this picture, that I found a place to learn to be me. It is a process.... I am glad you are on the journey with me.
Beer and MeFor example, how I view myself: Did you know that I am not a fat cow? I am not a clod of dirt? Some days I look a wee bit better than average? I may at times even turn a head or two? I am worthy, and deserve more. I didn't know that. At all. Not until this first pic.
My state of mind: Through this space I have had the ability to spill some things. Looking back I have been like a yo-yo since May. Dang, one day I am up the other way down. Through this I realize there are some things I am not quite happy with about me and my life. I am now working on a way to slowly change these.
Finally: I am chosing this picture because it is through this forum , which basically started with this picture, that I found a place to learn to be me. It is a process.... I am glad you are on the journey with me.
*clicky clicky*
(plus some of you might have missed this one and I really like it)
p.s. - I won't be around to comment tonight. I am going out. Maybe the movie?!
p.s. - I won't be around to comment tonight. I am going out. Maybe the movie?!
From a smart ass to you...
9 Things I Hate About Everyone
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing her?
Taken from here
1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?
4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!
6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?
7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.
8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do that's longer?
9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing her?
Taken from here
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
TMI Tuesday
1. On a scale of 1-10, how good was your 2009?
7 - I don't know why I picked that number.... just did
2. What are your favorite/naughtiest/sexiest/most fun 2009 memories?
Vegas - for sure.
3. What’s the one thing you thought you would never do, but did in 2009?
Go on a 5 day trip with my best friend, and remember for a few days what it is like to be ME... just me. I found my smile again - for awhile/ every now and again.
4. What do you want to change in 2009?
I want to find the balance between me - mom, and me- wife, and me - me... I want to find a way to be happy being all three. Up till now I have been me mom and/or wife, and when I try to be me it causes problems somewhere.
5. What is your all-time favorite gift (whether given or received by you)?
Honestly the thing that comes to mind is ... finding the ability to see myself as worthy, occasionally seeing myself as beautiful, and thinking just maybe I am wanted. That gift came primarily from this side of the blogosphere, with your help - yes, you...and you too, yep even you,
and ohhhhhhhh especially you ;) .
Plus my Nikon that I gave myself rocks :)
Bonus (as in optional): On special holidays- like birthdays, anniversaries, ringing in the New Year -are you more inclined to do a sex act that you wouldn't "normally" do? (things like fellatio/cunnilingus, anal sex, strap-ons/toys, videoing yourself/pictures, menage-a-trois/quatres, etc.)
Definitely, I am more likely to do things for my hubby that doesn't fall into our normal "play time". There is always a bit more of an expectations on special days I guess.
TFT is up. 
Go support your service men and see some boobs - why not!
Go support your service men and see some boobs - why not!I have an update coming from this post too - the gifts I DON'T WANT this year. You will get a giggle out of that - let's just say , I should have given the list out. yeahhhhh...... So, y'all come back soon, you hear.
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Biting my tongue
vi.sualize.usWhy is it?
How do we get to this place?
Where friends are more like family than our actual family?
Why am I surprised that those we chose to be around have more in common with us than those we are forced by nature to be around?
Please remind me when I am old not to be close minded. Remind me to continue to see people for who they are and who they are changing to be and not who they were when they were 12.
Please tell me if I am stuck on an issue (and lordy lordy I need to listen and not explode)
Remind me not to tell my adult children with children what they will and will not do - rather point out that I should suggest they do something, or tell them I would prefer them to do this..... Not tell them - no! you are not! you will do this!
I pray that my daughter -in- laws (to be) are not as harshly judged as I witness here. I hope that others aren't biting their tongues until they bleed because of how unreasonable I have become. And please if I fight with my husband (who lord knows is only defending himself) so that others are uncomfortable to be around - push me in the snow bank and tell me to cool down.
Yes, it is these things that explain why friends may seem closer to us than family as we grow and change
How do we get to this place?
Where friends are more like family than our actual family?
Why am I surprised that those we chose to be around have more in common with us than those we are forced by nature to be around?
Please remind me when I am old not to be close minded. Remind me to continue to see people for who they are and who they are changing to be and not who they were when they were 12.
Please tell me if I am stuck on an issue (and lordy lordy I need to listen and not explode)
Remind me not to tell my adult children with children what they will and will not do - rather point out that I should suggest they do something, or tell them I would prefer them to do this..... Not tell them - no! you are not! you will do this!
I pray that my daughter -in- laws (to be) are not as harshly judged as I witness here. I hope that others aren't biting their tongues until they bleed because of how unreasonable I have become. And please if I fight with my husband (who lord knows is only defending himself) so that others are uncomfortable to be around - push me in the snow bank and tell me to cool down.
Yes, it is these things that explain why friends may seem closer to us than family as we grow and change
Friday, December 25, 2009
<3
If I could float on these bubbles and bring this wish straight to you I would. I hope the Merriest of Days May Come Your Way
Merry Christmas.
<3
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
HNT :::My 3 Wishes:::
:::My 3 Wishes:::
I wish: You everything under the stars
That your heart desires
I wish: To make a mark on this world.
*click
You found me...
if you don't understand what I am saying then go see this guy
Monday, December 21, 2009
Busy day around here. Read what you want - skim, I don't care.
Tuesdays are becoming quite busy around here. Skim - read what you want. I understand.
T.M.I. Tuesday --->
1. What present do you hope ends up under you tree?
I already got what I wanted - my new camera. It makes me very happy.
2. What is the "naughtiest" thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree?
Oh dang. Nothing worth telling about.
3. Do you prefer to give or receive?
Receive ;)
That goes for gifts too....
4. What is your favorite part of a sexual partner's body?
What I notice from across the room is eyes, and then the waist/hip area. But once I have crossed the room and am close enough to talk to them it is what is on the inside that matters most to me. I have said it here time and again - some really pretty people get very ugly when they open their mouth.
5. What is your favorite part of your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to?
I love nothing more then to have my back rubbed. The part right above my bottom is the most exquisite. I however married someone who intentionally gives horrible back rubs so I will not ask for them...
Tits For Troops----> I submitted a Christmas-y picture for this week's theme - well.... there is a bedspread with a Christmas print on it behind me ;) . I told Vixen I must have hit my head in my sleep t
his time because I sent a pic with my baby belly in it. That alone could be a reason to go and see, or just avoid it outright. However, I know there will be plenty of lovliness over there to gander at....plus it is a good cause indeed. Also, there are a lot of links to help our men and women serving to celebrate Christmas, go see.
Where my mind is this week---->
The grass is always greener on the other side. But when you cross to the other side ....and you look back.... you are now looking at the other side... right? Isn't that where you just came from? So where you came from is now the other side - where the grass is greener, you know. ? !
What am I rambling about?
It is getting close to Christmas. (surprising how that just sneaks up on a person! not like they have advertised it enough or put things out early enough this year - geez! put it on the calender people, give a girl some warning!) Anyway, I sat here writing a big long post about having to travel this weekend. We have to travel to my parents and then we have to travel two states away to go to my brother's house, he is hosting Christmas. I went on to complain about this and how it is ruining my mood. Etc etc etc.... but then I read a comment on someone's blog about how they don't have family, nor do they have extended family to spend the holidays with and this was making them sad. Funny how we always want what we don't have. (we want to be on the other side of the fence .... see, I had a point - kinda)
So, yes I need to finish my shopping. Yes, I need to travel - way too far in a way too short of time, yes it is ruining my mood. But as I read on someone's Facebook comment today - the Holidays are like a sewer; you get out of them what you put into them. While this is very true, and I know that it is my poor attitude that is causing the holidays to produce, well, sewage (if we are sticking with the FB comment)
I guess it comes down to this - I will find myself turning into that crazy, stressed out person who is yelling at kids and chasing the dog down the dirt road to get her into the kennel. I will have a raging headache by the time I get in the van and we start down the road. I will be the one turning into the me I don't want to be.
I want to know a holiday of low stress. One where we stay home. One where my kids can wake in their own beds. One where Santa doesn't keep forgetting to pick up the stockings at our house and bring them to Grandma's house when he passes by..... cuz the stockings are at our house - where we are. (One where Santa really DOES haul the gifts to Grandma's so we don't have to try to sneak them all in for the trip) Maybe after a few years of this I again would be ready to travel, to make the effort to be with everyone. I am sure I will never know.
So, here I go - trying to put some cheer into my ...sewer? *shaking head... I'm done. Where's the beer?
How about you. Do you love the festivities?
Do you have to travel?
What makes your mood good or bad this time of year?
T.M.I. Tuesday --->
1. What present do you hope ends up under you tree?
I already got what I wanted - my new camera. It makes me very happy.
2. What is the "naughtiest" thing you have ever done under a Christmas tree?
Oh dang. Nothing worth telling about.
3. Do you prefer to give or receive?
Receive ;)
That goes for gifts too....
4. What is your favorite part of a sexual partner's body?
What I notice from across the room is eyes, and then the waist/hip area. But once I have crossed the room and am close enough to talk to them it is what is on the inside that matters most to me. I have said it here time and again - some really pretty people get very ugly when they open their mouth.
5. What is your favorite part of your body - the one you hope a sexual partner will find or pay the most attention to?
I love nothing more then to have my back rubbed. The part right above my bottom is the most exquisite. I however married someone who intentionally gives horrible back rubs so I will not ask for them...
Tits For Troops----> I submitted a Christmas-y picture for this week's theme - well.... there is a bedspread with a Christmas print on it behind me ;) . I told Vixen I must have hit my head in my sleep t
his time because I sent a pic with my baby belly in it. That alone could be a reason to go and see, or just avoid it outright. However, I know there will be plenty of lovliness over there to gander at....plus it is a good cause indeed. Also, there are a lot of links to help our men and women serving to celebrate Christmas, go see.Where my mind is this week---->
The grass is always greener on the other side. But when you cross to the other side ....and you look back.... you are now looking at the other side... right? Isn't that where you just came from? So where you came from is now the other side - where the grass is greener, you know. ? !
What am I rambling about?
It is getting close to Christmas. (surprising how that just sneaks up on a person! not like they have advertised it enough or put things out early enough this year - geez! put it on the calender people, give a girl some warning!) Anyway, I sat here writing a big long post about having to travel this weekend. We have to travel to my parents and then we have to travel two states away to go to my brother's house, he is hosting Christmas. I went on to complain about this and how it is ruining my mood. Etc etc etc.... but then I read a comment on someone's blog about how they don't have family, nor do they have extended family to spend the holidays with and this was making them sad. Funny how we always want what we don't have. (we want to be on the other side of the fence .... see, I had a point - kinda)
So, yes I need to finish my shopping. Yes, I need to travel - way too far in a way too short of time, yes it is ruining my mood. But as I read on someone's Facebook comment today - the Holidays are like a sewer; you get out of them what you put into them. While this is very true, and I know that it is my poor attitude that is causing the holidays to produce, well, sewage (if we are sticking with the FB comment)
I guess it comes down to this - I will find myself turning into that crazy, stressed out person who is yelling at kids and chasing the dog down the dirt road to get her into the kennel. I will have a raging headache by the time I get in the van and we start down the road. I will be the one turning into the me I don't want to be.
I want to know a holiday of low stress. One where we stay home. One where my kids can wake in their own beds. One where Santa doesn't keep forgetting to pick up the stockings at our house and bring them to Grandma's house when he passes by..... cuz the stockings are at our house - where we are. (One where Santa really DOES haul the gifts to Grandma's so we don't have to try to sneak them all in for the trip) Maybe after a few years of this I again would be ready to travel, to make the effort to be with everyone. I am sure I will never know.
So, here I go - trying to put some cheer into my ...sewer? *shaking head... I'm done. Where's the beer?
How about you. Do you love the festivities?
Do you have to travel?
What makes your mood good or bad this time of year?
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Crushin'
For all of you crushin' out there.How cute is that?
What I love to do ... wish I still could.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Last Year- where did you go?
Have you seen this? It really is worth your few minutes to watch. Grab your tea/coffee/cocoa/beer etc. and relax and be amazed .... then wonder what did you do last year where did you go?
Time-Lapse Across China
Time-Lapse Across China
Thursday, December 17, 2009
25 Item Christmas List, Fill in Friday
"Santa is my boyfriend.....
When everyone else is putting up their stockings he's taking mine down"
Saturday Night Live
(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
It has to be Charlie Brown Christmas.
(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
The second Rudolph movie - they should have just left it alone.
(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
We Three Kings - it is low enough for me to sing it. I have a deep singing voice. Although Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt can get me singing every time. (something best avoided)
(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
12 days of Christmas - bored by the third day.
(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink? (i.e. egg nog, hot chocolate)
Alcohol. Seriously makes the day so much more enjoyable. Too bad it isn't allowed at either family's place. Therefore I will have to go with Pampered Chef's chai ... double yum. If that isn't available - Mexican hot chocolate. Not available either - dang, coffee then.
(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
It obviously was the '80s but I got a "boom box" AND a leather bomber jacket -both. I knew it was more money then my parents had to spend. For me to get both is something I have never forgotten.
(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
Hmmm. I guess it was my first doll. I still have it. Her name is Mandy. (she is at my parent's house.... goodness, I don't still play with her)
(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
A pair of one piece long underwear. They were red and had a button butt flap. I was probably 8-10. They were from my great aunt whose presents I always anticipated because they were always the best. I was raised not to complain about a bad gift but I hated them so much. I started crying and then felt horrible. It was awful.
(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
All the cool stuff that goes into the stores. But mostly - people strive to stay in contact. They reach out.
(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
How it is and has to be all about the gifts.
(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
Angel. Ours is for our daughter who passed. Somehow it survived the crash of the tree this year.
(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
Stupid in it's simplicity, but I LOVE almond bark pretzels. (not the store bought ones)
(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
Depends upon the day - sometimes the hour or minute. I try to be a Who.
(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
They have to be done right.
(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
We will only take the kids to see the santa at the preschool and sadly this is the last year we will be able to do that. sigh.... but he is a teacher in town and non-creepy. the mall santa is just nasty.
(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
I try to. I may fail this year. We do a letter and or picture letter, not cards anymore.
(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
Again, the fact that people reach out - update each other. Try to get together and in touch. I like the music also.
(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The high expectations that lead to disappointment.
(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
Usually the first weekend of December. One of my son's birthday is after Thanksgiving so we wait until December.
(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
The maids -a- milking. I would sell the cattle and get the maids to do housework.
(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
She was a bitch and picked favorites, was snotty to the daughter in laws and outright hard to be around. (oh, am I personalizing?)
(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
Vixen ;)
(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Sure. Why not. The idea is about the miracle right... I believe in miracles.
(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Clove and orange.
(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
To not have to travel. Our family of 6 always travels - we go to meet 2 or 4, never has made sense to me. I would love to stay home and just have my family (hubby and MY kids).
1. No, we will NOT .... be staying home this holiday season.
2. Things will go unsaid at the old kitchen table.
3. I watched the steam rising from the hot cup of coffee (or tea) and thought: I could use something sweet to go with this.
4. I am going to be okay.
5. I'll take what life gives me.
6. I have it pretty good, at least from my point of view.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out at home, tomorrow my plans include heading to the in-laws for a Christmas celebration and Sunday, I want to curl up by a fire and watch movies, I will, however go to my husband's cousin's house for another Christmas celebration!
When everyone else is putting up their stockings he's taking mine down"
Saturday Night Live
(1) What is your favorite Christmas movie?
It has to be Charlie Brown Christmas.
(2) What is your LEAST favorite Christmas movie?
The second Rudolph movie - they should have just left it alone.
(3) What is your favorite Christmas song?
We Three Kings - it is low enough for me to sing it. I have a deep singing voice. Although Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt can get me singing every time. (something best avoided)
(4) What Christmas song(s) drives you crazy?
12 days of Christmas - bored by the third day.
(5) What is your favorite Christmas drink? (i.e. egg nog, hot chocolate)
Alcohol. Seriously makes the day so much more enjoyable. Too bad it isn't allowed at either family's place. Therefore I will have to go with Pampered Chef's chai ... double yum. If that isn't available - Mexican hot chocolate. Not available either - dang, coffee then.
(6) What is your favorite Christmas memory?
It obviously was the '80s but I got a "boom box" AND a leather bomber jacket -both. I knew it was more money then my parents had to spend. For me to get both is something I have never forgotten.
(7) What is the best toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
Hmmm. I guess it was my first doll. I still have it. Her name is Mandy. (she is at my parent's house.... goodness, I don't still play with her)
(8) What is the worst toy/gift you've received on Christmas?
A pair of one piece long underwear. They were red and had a button butt flap. I was probably 8-10. They were from my great aunt whose presents I always anticipated because they were always the best. I was raised not to complain about a bad gift but I hated them so much. I started crying and then felt horrible. It was awful.
(9) What do you LOVE about the holidays?
All the cool stuff that goes into the stores. But mostly - people strive to stay in contact. They reach out.
(10) What annoys you about the holidays?
How it is and has to be all about the gifts.
(11) Do you prefer star or angel on top of a Christmas tree? Or something else?
Angel. Ours is for our daughter who passed. Somehow it survived the crash of the tree this year.
(12) What is your family favorite recipe at Christmas?
Stupid in it's simplicity, but I LOVE almond bark pretzels. (not the store bought ones)
(13) Are you a Grinch or a Who at Christmastime?
Depends upon the day - sometimes the hour or minute. I try to be a Who.
(14) Christmas light displays - Love them or Hate them?
They have to be done right.
(15) Santas at the mall - Fun times or Creepy?
We will only take the kids to see the santa at the preschool and sadly this is the last year we will be able to do that. sigh.... but he is a teacher in town and non-creepy. the mall santa is just nasty.
(16) Christmas cards - do you send them, yes or no?
I try to. I may fail this year. We do a letter and or picture letter, not cards anymore.
(17) What is the best thing about Christmas, in your opinion?
Again, the fact that people reach out - update each other. Try to get together and in touch. I like the music also.
(18) What is the worst thing about Christmas?
The high expectations that lead to disappointment.
(19) When do you put the tree up and take it down?
Usually the first weekend of December. One of my son's birthday is after Thanksgiving so we wait until December.
(20) Out of the 12 days of Christmas, which day and item would you want your true love to give to you?
The maids -a- milking. I would sell the cattle and get the maids to do housework.
(21) Why do you think that Grandma got run over by a reindeer?
She was a bitch and picked favorites, was snotty to the daughter in laws and outright hard to be around. (oh, am I personalizing?)
(22) Who is your favorite reindeer?
Vixen ;)
(23) Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Sure. Why not. The idea is about the miracle right... I believe in miracles.
(24) What is your favorite smell at Christmastime?
Clove and orange.
(25) What would make you happy at Christmas this year?
To not have to travel. Our family of 6 always travels - we go to meet 2 or 4, never has made sense to me. I would love to stay home and just have my family (hubby and MY kids).
1. No, we will NOT .... be staying home this holiday season.
2. Things will go unsaid at the old kitchen table.
3. I watched the steam rising from the hot cup of coffee (or tea) and thought: I could use something sweet to go with this.
4. I am going to be okay.
5. I'll take what life gives me.
6. I have it pretty good, at least from my point of view.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out at home, tomorrow my plans include heading to the in-laws for a Christmas celebration and Sunday, I want to curl up by a fire and watch movies, I will, however go to my husband's cousin's house for another Christmas celebration!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
HNT - Christmas and Feathers
Feathers tickle
Can I tickle you with mine?
Can I tickle you with mine?
*click for your tickle
to you all
My blog family.
In the instant of a chat window
A chat window popped up on my computer last night. I was about to log off, go to bed. From the noise the computer made it was obvious it was Facebook selfishly pulling me away from what I was doing (I hate how FB does that). I have a bad habit of ignoring people on chat in FB. I was about to do so again last night, but then the name and picture in the window made me stop. It was a guy I dated a few times in High School. The Goalie of the hockey team. One of only two guys to ever ask me out in high school.
I stopped, froze actually. Although people from high school have 'friended' me on FB, only a few have ever commented (it started to feel a looooot like H.S. again) but no one has ever chatted. I responded, he replied and the chat began. It didn't take long until the fact came out that his wife had died 7 months ago. He is 37 and a widow. She died of a brain aneurism.
I now understood why the joke I had made a few minutes before kind of deflated. Yikes, this man is suffering. Surprisingly he is not the only widow in our class. My friend W is a widow also. Her husband died a few months before D's wife. He died in a one truck roll over. W and her husband were both classmates. They were both in my circle of friends.
What I find amazing is that out of a class of 200 graduating seniors that those two aren't the end of it. No, there has been another. The first to leave this place early was the first guy that ever made me wet. A strange way to refer to someone who has passed I am sure. (but that my dear readers is why I have this blog, so I can say what I want. I can tell the truth) We never really dated, I would just go over to his house. Yeah...... It never went further than him touching me, but that is what it was. The fact is not lost to me that I am 36 years old and I am not too young to die. Others have proven this to me.
I wonder who else out of the remaining 197 people I attended school with for all those years has lost someone, I wonder who else is suffering. We lose touch with people. Their lives no longer effect ours. But, in the instant of a chat window popping up, they fly back in, their sorrows become ours.
Within five minutes we were sharing stories of loss, funerals attended but not remembered, waking each morning trying to find a reason to inhale and exhale, working to find something to get out of bed for. He commented that I sounded like I knew what I was talking about. It seemed as if I had first hand knowledge. I told him our stories were similar but different. I wonder who else in my class has a similar story? What kind of suffering have we as a class been through? I know there have been miscarriages, divorces, and car accidents - but, the details are lost to me now.
Four friends that I graduated with- two dead, two suffering as widows. As this man said last night - death knows no age. He is right.
p.s. Please understand I am not afraid of death. I am afraid for those left behind. I know first hand that those who leave us do not suffer, it is us left here on Earth that bear the weight.
I stopped, froze actually. Although people from high school have 'friended' me on FB, only a few have ever commented (it started to feel a looooot like H.S. again) but no one has ever chatted. I responded, he replied and the chat began. It didn't take long until the fact came out that his wife had died 7 months ago. He is 37 and a widow. She died of a brain aneurism.
I now understood why the joke I had made a few minutes before kind of deflated. Yikes, this man is suffering. Surprisingly he is not the only widow in our class. My friend W is a widow also. Her husband died a few months before D's wife. He died in a one truck roll over. W and her husband were both classmates. They were both in my circle of friends.
What I find amazing is that out of a class of 200 graduating seniors that those two aren't the end of it. No, there has been another. The first to leave this place early was the first guy that ever made me wet. A strange way to refer to someone who has passed I am sure. (but that my dear readers is why I have this blog, so I can say what I want. I can tell the truth) We never really dated, I would just go over to his house. Yeah...... It never went further than him touching me, but that is what it was. The fact is not lost to me that I am 36 years old and I am not too young to die. Others have proven this to me.
I wonder who else out of the remaining 197 people I attended school with for all those years has lost someone, I wonder who else is suffering. We lose touch with people. Their lives no longer effect ours. But, in the instant of a chat window popping up, they fly back in, their sorrows become ours.
Within five minutes we were sharing stories of loss, funerals attended but not remembered, waking each morning trying to find a reason to inhale and exhale, working to find something to get out of bed for. He commented that I sounded like I knew what I was talking about. It seemed as if I had first hand knowledge. I told him our stories were similar but different. I wonder who else in my class has a similar story? What kind of suffering have we as a class been through? I know there have been miscarriages, divorces, and car accidents - but, the details are lost to me now.
Four friends that I graduated with- two dead, two suffering as widows. As this man said last night - death knows no age. He is right.
p.s. Please understand I am not afraid of death. I am afraid for those left behind. I know first hand that those who leave us do not suffer, it is us left here on Earth that bear the weight.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Group Post - A Memory Mixed With Fantasy
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Monday, December 14, 2009
My Monday Morning Fantasy and I have never kissed a girl
Monday Morning Longing
Come to me. Look at me. Smile. Let me feel your presence.
Your arms so big and strong, wrap me up.
Make everything else disappear.
Soft words, warm breath, heat from your body.
The way you look at me makes me feel
-attractive, special, needed, wanted, sexy -
Make me feel.
Your shirt against my skin, wrapped in your scent.
Our legs tangled, your skin against mine.
Your hand on my hip- pulling me closer.
My kiss on your lips makes me feel hungrier than you.
My instinct is to pull back but that would be a lie.
I am tired of lying, of hiding in myself.
No lies between us - we decided.
With you this close I can taste you
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and smile.
When I open my eyes. Waking. I look around.
I am alone.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Oh, also ---> My favorite Southern boy bestowed an award upon me. I like this award cuz I get to dish out info about myself, I love reading tid bits about others, I am such a voyeur in that manner, maybe you like peaking into other's lives too. (learn to use a period BFD!!!)
Here's the rules:
1. Accept the award and place it on your blog.
2. Include a link back to the blog you received it from.
3. Pass the award to five blogs you enjoy.
4. Tell your readers 7 things about yourself that they do not already know.
Seven things huh? Alright let me think.
1) I have had a few very distinct men in my life that I loved.
Toby- my first real boyfriend
Joe - Toby's best friend and my cousin's ex-boyfriend. He was mine for a year... sigh... ,and I so loved him.
Jeremy - My frat boy. I learned a lot from this one. He called me before my wedding, I never returned his call.
Jim - Part friend/part crush/ a whole lot of reality check/ never full boyfriend but special all the same.
Jeremy - My farmer. The the one I thought was the love of my life, and the one that I screwed up on.
Hubby (whose name starts with a J too)- The one that picked my broken self up, and didn't try to fix it - rather accepted it.
2) Sage who gave me this award said his thumbs are double jointed. So, in keeping with this - my arms are double jointed and can do all sorts of freaky stuff, some of my fingers and one of my thumbs are also.
3) I use my toes to do thing - pick stuff up off the ground, move things, etc. I just found out this is a family thing (my dad's side) - and none of us knew the others did it too!
4) I can read lips. I developed this talent while bartending - it was always too loud to hear what people were saying. I am not 100%, but I can get your gist. So, don't talk about me across the room. I will know.
5) I have never kissed a girl, but have had many many girls try to kiss me.
6) I once spit a guys cum into his mouth (see above-Jim). He did not ask if it was ok to cum in my mouth, nor did he let me know it was about to happen so I could decide. I was evil like that in college. I don't think I have laughed so hard since. (yes, back then, I earned the nickname Ice Princess).
7) I am afraid to go back to work. I have been out of the workforce for almost 9 years and will be forced back in next school year. I don't want to 'grow up' and I don't know what to do, I don't have a profession to fall back on. Plus, if you want to talk about a gap in my resume!
There you have it. A lot of info to digest on a Monday morn'.
Thanks again Sage for this award. Now who to pass it onto?
I don't know - I have been awful about reading blogs lately. I hate that real life has taken over my blog life. Plus I have been dealing with anxiety lately which has played into my online life. I bestow upon myself feelings of guilt for being online and not in real life etc.... I am feeling better and working my way through my own head games. Things are leveling out and for that I am thankful.
Alright , since I always change the rules on these things I will again. If you are on my blog roll over there ----> I read you daily and find you a lovely blog. (which really isn't fair because I haven't updated that lately) If you are here to see that I called you out, then you truly are and you deserve this award. So, grab it. Play the game and pass it on.
Come to me. Look at me. Smile. Let me feel your presence.
Your arms so big and strong, wrap me up.
Make everything else disappear.
Soft words, warm breath, heat from your body.
The way you look at me makes me feel
-attractive, special, needed, wanted, sexy -
Make me feel.
Your shirt against my skin, wrapped in your scent.
Our legs tangled, your skin against mine.
Your hand on my hip- pulling me closer.
My kiss on your lips makes me feel hungrier than you.
My instinct is to pull back but that would be a lie.
I am tired of lying, of hiding in myself.
No lies between us - we decided.
With you this close I can taste you
I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and smile.
When I open my eyes. Waking. I look around.
I am alone.
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Oh, also ---> My favorite Southern boy bestowed an award upon me. I like this award cuz I get to dish out info about myself, I love reading tid bits about others, I am such a voyeur in that manner, maybe you like peaking into other's lives too. (learn to use a period BFD!!!)
Here's the rules:
1. Accept the award and place it on your blog.
2. Include a link back to the blog you received it from.
3. Pass the award to five blogs you enjoy.
4. Tell your readers 7 things about yourself that they do not already know.
Seven things huh? Alright let me think.
1) I have had a few very distinct men in my life that I loved.
Toby- my first real boyfriend
Joe - Toby's best friend and my cousin's ex-boyfriend. He was mine for a year... sigh... ,and I so loved him.
Jeremy - My frat boy. I learned a lot from this one. He called me before my wedding, I never returned his call.
Jim - Part friend/part crush/ a whole lot of reality check/ never full boyfriend but special all the same.
Jeremy - My farmer. The the one I thought was the love of my life, and the one that I screwed up on.
Hubby (whose name starts with a J too)- The one that picked my broken self up, and didn't try to fix it - rather accepted it.
2) Sage who gave me this award said his thumbs are double jointed. So, in keeping with this - my arms are double jointed and can do all sorts of freaky stuff, some of my fingers and one of my thumbs are also.
3) I use my toes to do thing - pick stuff up off the ground, move things, etc. I just found out this is a family thing (my dad's side) - and none of us knew the others did it too!
4) I can read lips. I developed this talent while bartending - it was always too loud to hear what people were saying. I am not 100%, but I can get your gist. So, don't talk about me across the room. I will know.
5) I have never kissed a girl, but have had many many girls try to kiss me.
6) I once spit a guys cum into his mouth (see above-Jim). He did not ask if it was ok to cum in my mouth, nor did he let me know it was about to happen so I could decide. I was evil like that in college. I don't think I have laughed so hard since. (yes, back then, I earned the nickname Ice Princess).
7) I am afraid to go back to work. I have been out of the workforce for almost 9 years and will be forced back in next school year. I don't want to 'grow up' and I don't know what to do, I don't have a profession to fall back on. Plus, if you want to talk about a gap in my resume!
There you have it. A lot of info to digest on a Monday morn'.
Thanks again Sage for this award. Now who to pass it onto?
I don't know - I have been awful about reading blogs lately. I hate that real life has taken over my blog life. Plus I have been dealing with anxiety lately which has played into my online life. I bestow upon myself feelings of guilt for being online and not in real life etc.... I am feeling better and working my way through my own head games. Things are leveling out and for that I am thankful.
Alright , since I always change the rules on these things I will again. If you are on my blog roll over there ----> I read you daily and find you a lovely blog. (which really isn't fair because I haven't updated that lately) If you are here to see that I called you out, then you truly are and you deserve this award. So, grab it. Play the game and pass it on.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
What I Don't Want For Christmas
Every year starting after Thanksgiving dinner up until the last days before Christmas my relatives request "a list". This is the list of things we desire for Christmas - material things of course. This is a tradition I agree with, because without said list I would end up with more pot holders and candles. However, I have started doing something that some of my family members do not agree with. I include things I DO NOT WANT* or need.
Is this rude? I think not, I figure I am saving them the trouble and money of purchasing me somthing I really really do not want nor need. Plus, I am saving myself the hassle of returning or dealing with these items. Win win if you ask me :)
I did not include the DNW* items this year as my own little test. So, for fun (and the lack of anything better to write about) I will include them here.....
BFD's DO NOT WANT OR NEED LIST FOR CHRISTMAS '09
__________________________________________
Bath and Body Works ANYTHING- we are a scent free house, have been since my youngest was born 5 yrs ago and had allergies to scents. BBW stuff is the WORST. He loses his breath and coughs as if he is being strangled (because he is) if someone has a plug in wall air freshner - don't even get me started about Febreeze.
Fuzzy Socks - We have floor heat. I don't need them. I still have the last five pairs you gave me. I don't wear them unless I am in the hospital - and I am pretty sure I am full up for that purpose.
Lotion/Body Wash/ Perfume- I try to use only natural products with no scent (see above) or scented with essential oils. That KMart set does not fit into this category.
Christmas Decorations - I already have 8 totes I don't want to put up every year.
Gift Cards To Stores We Don't Have In Town- Please take the time to figure out where the closest Old Navy store is (3.5 hrs away) before you buy me a gift card for there. Thanks.
Wrong Sized Clothing Items - I will tell you my sizes. I will. Please ask. I wear siz 34B bra, size 6 unders, size M shirt, size 4 or 6 pants, size 8 shoes, size Fits Most should just be avoided! Don't give me an XS and then say I am so skinny you thought I must be. Sigh.... I am not and now we both look like an ass.
Nick Nacky Chochky stuff - Don't need it, don't want it. That little mouse that sits on a shelf.... ummm... well, thanks (not).
Paper Journal - Don't use them. Regift them. I'll just blog it.
DVD- I do not watch movies more then once.
Anything Sold On An Info-mercial - 'nuff said
Not So Subtle Hint Gifts - What I mean by this is anything that suggests I am a bad parent (super nanny book), wife, cook, too skinny, too fat, or a bad dresser (like a what not to wear book).
Oh I am sure there are more - but let's hear from you...
What do you NOT want for Christmas this year???? Humor me
Is this rude? I think not, I figure I am saving them the trouble and money of purchasing me somthing I really really do not want nor need. Plus, I am saving myself the hassle of returning or dealing with these items. Win win if you ask me :)
I did not include the DNW* items this year as my own little test. So, for fun (and the lack of anything better to write about) I will include them here.....
BFD's DO NOT WANT OR NEED LIST FOR CHRISTMAS '09
__________________________________________
Bath and Body Works ANYTHING- we are a scent free house, have been since my youngest was born 5 yrs ago and had allergies to scents. BBW stuff is the WORST. He loses his breath and coughs as if he is being strangled (because he is) if someone has a plug in wall air freshner - don't even get me started about Febreeze.
Fuzzy Socks - We have floor heat. I don't need them. I still have the last five pairs you gave me. I don't wear them unless I am in the hospital - and I am pretty sure I am full up for that purpose.
Lotion/Body Wash/ Perfume- I try to use only natural products with no scent (see above) or scented with essential oils. That KMart set does not fit into this category.
Christmas Decorations - I already have 8 totes I don't want to put up every year.
Gift Cards To Stores We Don't Have In Town- Please take the time to figure out where the closest Old Navy store is (3.5 hrs away) before you buy me a gift card for there. Thanks.
Wrong Sized Clothing Items - I will tell you my sizes. I will. Please ask. I wear siz 34B bra, size 6 unders, size M shirt, size 4 or 6 pants, size 8 shoes, size Fits Most should just be avoided! Don't give me an XS and then say I am so skinny you thought I must be. Sigh.... I am not and now we both look like an ass.
Nick Nacky Chochky stuff - Don't need it, don't want it. That little mouse that sits on a shelf.... ummm... well, thanks (not).
Paper Journal - Don't use them. Regift them. I'll just blog it.
DVD- I do not watch movies more then once.
Anything Sold On An Info-mercial - 'nuff said
Not So Subtle Hint Gifts - What I mean by this is anything that suggests I am a bad parent (super nanny book), wife, cook, too skinny, too fat, or a bad dresser (like a what not to wear book).
Oh I am sure there are more - but let's hear from you...
What do you NOT want for Christmas this year???? Humor me
all pics from
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Saturday, December 12, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Bad mom I am
Story time.My son had a chorale concert yesterday for his school and then last night for the parents. He gets nervous and anxious. He works himself into a tizzy really - he loves to stress and seeks out things to stress about. So when he wasn't feeling well yesterday I figured it was stress. He even admitted he was super nervous about performing. I send him about his way at school and he says he feels better after the school concert is over. He comes home off the bus and eats and acts normal - until it is time to go back to the school for the evening show. He again gets a stomach ache - nerves right? They sing (surprisingly well for fourth and fifth graders) and we are all impressed. He steps down off the stage and collapses on the floor complaining of his stomach hurting.
Fast forward to 9:30pm - after we sent him to bed to sleep it off. Up the stairs comes a garbled MmmmmmOOOOOOOooooommmmm!!!! I threw up. The kid was really sick. Full out puking/diarrhea sick. Oh man Oh man! Bad bad mom!!!!!!
pic from vi.sulize.us
~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~:~
And...here we go!
1. Good times: are something I remember.
2.Come decorate my home (for me).
3. Sleigh bells ring can you hear them (referencing polar express).
4. The amount of Christmas spirit I have is: little.
5. Once more I am just going through the motions.
6. When will it end?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to serving at the Christmas Tea at our church, tomorrow my plans include decorating the house and Sunday, I want to relax (I wish I remembered how to)!
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
HNT - Baby It's Cold
December decided to come in and be noticed in the Midwest.
It went from a forever Fall to frigid Winter.
As we are getting closer to Christmas
I am begging the spirit to catch up with me.
We did get our tree up.
But there are totes and totes of stuff that
normally decorate the house sitting in the basement unpacked.
Anyone else having trouble finding the spirit?
Anyone else have extra? (Send some to me)
It went from a forever Fall to frigid Winter.
As we are getting closer to Christmas
I am begging the spirit to catch up with me.
We did get our tree up.
But there are totes and totes of stuff that
normally decorate the house sitting in the basement unpacked.
Anyone else having trouble finding the spirit?
Anyone else have extra? (Send some to me)
~:~:~:~:~:~:~
Now, as I was saying before I got all distracted with Christmas, it is cold and will only get colder. That means the light weight pj's are gone and the flannel has come out.
Temps by the hour today starting at 12am -- 9 pm (3 hr intervals. actual temp /windchill)
-6 / -8      | -6 / -8 | -13 / -15 | -10 / -13 | -4 / -8 | 0 / -3 | -4 / -6 | -6 / -8 |
Here is something I could us less of: tangled lights
*click the pic silly
Here is something we could use more of : snow
*click this one too
why not.
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